Search the Community

Wow, i couldn't help myself, i had to write "scary alien". This tool is actually addicting.

@Leo Gura Thank you for the pointers. I’ll try 10mg a few times first to get a general feel of how I feel before ramping up a little. I was expecting it to be totally alien, I guess just surrender to it. Nausea is something I’d heard was pretty common with 5–MeO so I’ll get a bucket ready and make sure a don’t eat for a good 6 hours beforehand. At this point I’m so used to puking when taking psychedelics that it is worth the slight inconvenience of it. Do you use microscoops instead of a scale? I hear what your are saying about the 2mg incremental differences. Without spending $1000+ on an analytical laboratory scale, Amazon type milligram scales seem a waste of time. @Yali I was thinking the same. But I guess once you’ve got to the point of breaking through the ego. There isn't any need to keep ramping up the dosage?

You don't need to convert freebase. It plugs great. 10mg is good to start. 5mg increases are good. 2mg is too hard to measure. 5-MeO is quite nausating. The body load is significant, alien, and a bit uncomfortable. But 15 mins in you will stop caring because you will be in God-land. Expect your first few trips to be difficult/scary. It takes several trips to get used to it. Don't quit. The best trips come later. The higher dose trips are better. You want to reach a point where you take enough to break through the ego and materialism. This will probably happen at over 20mg. But don't rush it.

I also haven't (to that extent) but apparently, some people have. Yes, but again, where does the causation come from if not just your mind? Why would someone like Greta turn pro-fossil fuels? Why would someone like Trump suddenly turn into a Democrat? Why would Hitler start loving the Jews without any cause other than your mind? See what I'm trying to say? Yes. Very likely. This is Solipsism though... you're animating everything and *everyone* by shifting the focus of your consciousness to that/them. Lol. I'm sure it can, I just don't see why it would. If the goal is to forget and pretend it's a human in an alien world separate from others then it just needs 1 experience (POV) for that. Not infinitely many. And again, going by this, it actually would be counterproductive to dream and be aware of an infinite number of dreams. It beats the experience. This is why I/you, whatever, are only aware of your ego-self and not of an infinite number of them. This would imply that manifestation is inherently limited and bounded by others' receptivity. So basically you're saying you can't manifest unless other people are in accordance with your will. To my knowledge, from various reputable sources as well as self-experience, this isn't the case. As long as I persisted in my desired state, I've had a 100% success rate. Don't get me wrong Matthew, I want more than anything for others to be real. Like I'd probably go crazy if I found out this wasn't the case. I want you to be real... you are a real one btw (no pun intended), I always read your posts. You're out here asking the right questions. But yeah, I just can't see how that would be possible in the relative domain. Perhaps the relative domain is a lot more radical than we are able to think (fingers crossed).

@Someone here Then you should know that space has no limits. there is no outside, unless you think it into existence. the baloon is infinitly big. As to why it seems to be expanding, i think it has to do with the fact that the evolution and awakening of the Microcosm is deeply interlinked with the one of the Macrocosm (Universe). A growh in self-comprehension of the first results in the "physical" growh of the second. But again this is still a mechanic inside the dream. You should ask this question to some interstellar alien race.

Have you by chance ever used meth? I ask because I once had a massive psychotic break on it -- thought I was starring on an alien TV show and the producers were framing me for murder for good TV, and later I was convinced that I was the world's first AGI and the hospital and the psychosis were just a ruse to get me to come in for updates... But the reason I'm telling you this is because I didn't fully recover until after having gone 5-6 months with no meth. For months I couldn't shake the suspicion that a government agency was following me and doing experiments and surveillance etc... And I was hallucinating evidence for this too -- but I had a hunch they were hallucinations (considering the alien thing was later seen as obviously a hallucination, I figured the at-the-time-current surveillance/etc hallucinations probably were too), so I was able to stay somewhat tethered to reality. But it wasn't until I totally healed that I could see through it 100% as nonsense (and the hallucinations disappeared completely). So if you've ever used meth, fwiw it took me 6 months before I healed from its mind scrambling lingering psychosis, so you could maybe reassess whether you need medication at the 6 month mark since last use (again IF you've ever used it; I wouldn't be surprised if you never have). Or if you (or whoever sees this) haven't ever used it, hopefully this still helped somehow -- if nothing else, maybe it shows someone that delusional thoughts can go away completely.

I wanted to share this technology which I thought would be revolutionary for our understanding of what Art is and how cheap "regular" Art will be in the future, If these types of AI can make Art similar looking to all our famous painters, that will be a big question mark for all of us, Still, it will be a huge jump of benefits for creators and artists, and this technology will also be good for modeling 3D structures in the future as well, it has also themes that are deep trained to make your keywords fit in to and shaped by the themes. and one of the most essential qualities of this tech is it supports ALL languages because it collects data from google so all languages are one language. Try it. https://app.wombo.art/ I believe this site is one of the first to do this and for free. (OpenAI GPT-3 has also the same project called "DALL-E" and "DALL-E 2" but they are still in beta and not open to the public, Very high chance theirs will be much better than this. That is also worth keeping eye on.) With as many tries as you want you can collect very cool arts, here are some results I have gathered myself with only a few tries. Keyword : "consciousness" Result: Keywords : "A flying pink elephant." Theme : Synthwave result: Keywords: "Ancient alien civilization." theme: Steampunk result:

@Someone here If you've "awakened to solipsism" why have you got a gay ass alien hippie pfp, SCREAMING, I'm a basic ass bitch, looking for a group to join

Introduction #13: Much love and respect to all souls here. Deeply devoted to the long term results of this journal and everything that can be shared here so I’ve restricted myself from formal posts like these from now on other than simple in between posts that will be deleted after every formal entry from now on to make it easier for readers. For authenticity though I don’t want to delete the past really unless it’s truly necessary, some posts I may but it really depends on where the energy evolves moving forward overall I just want to make the right decision. My grammar by the way will also improve I’ll make sure I double check entries, for transparency I don’t want to edit previous ones so that we can look at this from the frame of growth and progress. It’s discernible… haha, that’s what matters, though my philosophical gestures there if any have less potency there that’s all. The emotions that bind us all together are the most important and they’re all the emotions that we store in our heart which in return regulate the rest of our body. As I think of you, whoever you are, there is information from the emotional to the cognitive that my being creates which tells me who my being thinks you are relative to me emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and in every other way in that moment as that moment for that moment that this information appears. This information in return regulates my body from the heart in the same way that the same information that my being creates about my own existence including this idea of my, being and existence itself. It does this from the heart but in relationship to and with the brain and our aware consciousness (i.e. mind though I don’t really like the word kind to be honest, I feel like it’s been misused in culture a lot) is the regulatory mechanism of this link concerning connection vs disconnection. What I have become aware of is that through this simply exercise I do of simply paying attention to the heart as I noted in intro #9, inclusive then and to further elaboration as noted in other intros, the feedback loop of the information of consciousness, of heart and the self regulatory mechanism between these two that we can refer to as awareness say for example through brain, I have learned to continue to create a stronger and stronger connection through this means and therefore increasingly separate myself with negative relationships and connect myself with positive relationships. A negative relationship here is simply one that is unnatural and therefore not conducive to the potentialisation of being and a positive relationship is natural therefore conducive to the potentialisation of being. This then gets me to my next point where to me, life is about the positive expression of free energy now. Now although I said that I was not yet ready for philosophising of life until I have fully completed my training for this journal, such a sentiment of course is thus solely contained by its relationship to our being and more pertinent to this journal, our heart, and for me for all practical purposes concerning here, the alignment and connection/s between the heart, consciousness and mind. As I have expressed, over and over, just to help drill in the point where we’re here emphasising the heart over the mind including aware consciousness over mind and brain itself too while recognising the important connections where they matter most to the work here. Back to our starting point, four words, “positive”, “expression”, “free” and “energy”. This exercise the I am increasingly developing my understanding of from a practical level has been showing me that it makes my energy increasingly more positive through the free expression from negative energy, negative in the context of this journal is where energy days become too clogged and creates a state of dissociation which can even create a positive feedback loop towards becoming more dissociated as you’re encouraged less and less to tap into the heart. This last point links into what I mentioned before with respect to how I felt like my heart experienced electric shocks (I.e. when laughing) and as if I as being stung by ice picks, more than this, recall how I noted that to even stay with heart through any long duration I would have to survive “shaking” responses created by the body to ensure that I didn’t stay with the exercise. Back on track to my everyday experience it’s become obvious that I am more and more beginning to develop sense of cohesive self that my awareness was previously separated by which goes back to earlier journals including recent ones where I reflect a growing connection and unpredictable positive development here. I’ve been paying particular attention to my heart today trying to maintain as much connection as possible, worried that if I don’t pay attention I’ll become disconnected again and that will open up dissociation that puts me in a state where I’m unable to engage my being enough that my consciousness produces an intelligent (inclusive of emotional wavelength) link with existence, not to infer of course that my being becomes “anti-existence” more in the sense of “anti-self” in an unconstructive way. I sometimes notice myself taking for granted one state over another and it is tendencies like these along with further analogous connections that are going to help me continue to develop my awareness here. I feel mostly positive at the moment however I said something a little earlier that produced a bit of negative energy that I’m going to spend some time inside learning how to transmute better, it feels good to self honestly reflect and reveal my state something that I’m still getting used to in light of this slowly building self I’m building. I feel that I’m getting closer and closer to relationships with my brains mental life of the self and not just my bodies which was one of the goals of this work, the noted example above being of course developing a sincere relationship with my future self which I believe is going to add a positive relationship with my ability to self regulate states like those noted in the previous paragraph. Three new realisations I had today which I feel are a consequence of my growing self were, consciousness is simply a byproduct of universal consciousness it both is and isn’t a big deal. It’s a big deal because all of life is a big deal and it’s not a big deal because all of life is a big deal. The second is that I’m going try out this idea I came up with where I’m asking questions from my heart with my body just to generate a more energetic feedback loop with the heart. I feel that the more of my body I use to ask a question to my heart the more involved my being at the heart energetic level gets involved. I feel that this may be especially useful to those that have a history of dissociation so they’re disconnected from their bodies due to past trauma. The third realisation is that there is a communication channel between energy, consciousness awareness and heart which relates to my earlier introduction about regulating state but that I’ll slightly add a nuance to here in further communication of the earlier goal about learning how to change state. So I believe that the angle for transmutation or at least what I’m finding success with in this order is (1) become aware of the bodies energy (2) already decide that you’re going to make this a transmutational point (3) carry that energy high up into aware consciousness which is say around the perimeter of your being above your shoulders (4) from aware consciousness communicate to your brain to channel this energy to your heart so that your heart can get to work with respect to giving you information about this energy and transiting it simultaneously (5) you continue to perform this exercise waiting for and while learning from the information that is generated from your consciousness over and over, as it comes, sometimes patience is an important aspect, and you do so until you reach the higher balance that you were after. Another important point that’s still in development from the practical sense is the channeling of all energy from the body (especially where stated energy feels comparatively “negative”, including “mental energy” say as it pertains to how I began this introduction with respect to transmuting the associations and relationships we have built up pertaining to any all all living beings in existence to a “Free Energy State”) and from the described conscious aware state and intuitively adjusted as needed there. If the frees energy my intuition is that energy can be transferred from all areas of our being towards the heart to free up and reach that “ideal” of the described higher balance. See what I’ve realised for me is that the hearts a natural freer of energy is doesn’t want to keep it trapped it’s a continuous pump but if our aware consciousness doesn’t know how to use this pump our heart can become clogged which creates previously noted problems aka an over-survival response that inevitably leads to dissociation that can branch out into many other nasty places as well. Okay great well this concludes the end of the introduction I think we’re off to a great start here. Thank you everyone I hope you’re all doing okay, read my earlier journals and realise that I deeply know your pain whatever you’re going through. I have a lot of high expectations for myself and genuinely I have a lot of high expectations for myself and genuinely I am still developing the empathic awareness I want to in order to ensure the lessons I’ve learned from my past experiences which includes remembering where I came from so I can remember where people are coming from in their struggles are reflected by that. Even though I have an intuitive feel for things in this area I feel that it would be better enhanced if I continued to grow this complementary aspect of myself. Session: I feel right now like my skull wants to jump out of my skin and scream the universe from my eyes I am that frustrated with my present state of being. I am ANGRY at my parents, the world and myself included for allowing this to happen, for not noticing myself and the world around me enough through the eyes of psychological distinction enough that I would transmute this world out of my ass so all that remains is the purity of life in front of my eyes via the fluidity of my being. I feel a chaos turning because I cannot feel alive and I know deep inside this lack of consistent aliveness, this constant shifting back and fourth between alive and not alive due to this dissociation, is the reason for why I have often sought after a non-disclosable preoccupation with my imagination in the past (something that I've shared briefly in another journal here) to at the very least have enough dopamine to make it through life. I feel like I have been stabbed by a sorcerer from an alien civilisation where their weapon of choice that they have refined as a part of their master craft is the induction of an irreversible condition of dissociation to the point of a catatonic state that I only survived out of luck, and now only out of luck am I surviving this condition now. The clouds loom in my mind again, crashing and smashing up against each other and the only freedom I have from this state is in describing through the use of my imagination, otherwise I feel stolen, lost, forgotten as I "SHOULD BE", that suggestion somehow planted in my subconscious, circling about like thunderstorms in those dark clouds to imbue a sense of fear in the child that is hiding in the forest below for cover. I am lost, naked in the woods at 8-9 years of age and the only way through is a late afternoon where the night is turning quickly and predators of this never to be chartered before forest are to come awake and find their dinner. I feel like this state is obsolete, disposable, rejectable and shameable which is likely what produces the dissociation itself and it is something that I am unable to play like air in a flute with finger holes waiting to be plugged but the air will not escape my lungs with the right intensity and closeness. So I am trapped in the dungeon again in front of the whole world, where literally the whole universe could see me if this dungeon were visible with the naked eye. That's the way I feel when walking around in regular life and how I have felt growing up in my familial environment, this observation with its necessary rectification was available to all of us but when I played my flute, this flute as a kid, it didn't matter how well I played it with all the lack of training that I had, no body heard it and if they heard it they didn't see it enough, I didn't see enough nor did I see enough of life confined period where life confined is the definition of a hundred year span contained in the palm of my hand and how I would play out this life. But here I am, STUCK, without enough awareness at this point to align with the destinations of my choosing within my being. I will spend as much time this afternoon and tonight just training and training and training to secure this new level I'm on while trying to turn the pages of this part of my history in this book of life to get to the next level so that tomorrow I feel a little more connected, I feel the suns light through my eyes and on my skin with a little more fidelity and spirit of the everlasting youth of the universe. Exit to this Session: Turned over, lost and forgotten Mum throws me in the dumpster as apparently I'm rotten In another moment, Gods gift, mum can't you irresponsibly decide once more entangled cotton As I empty these words I didn't know I had, I realise that I just have to continue to let them out and out and out, live and let live and learn... To trust This process, is a must Playing the flute once more, if not anyone else, Self, please fucking listen Love/Hate (partial to understand). New sentiments - Rules of thumb: If my state is not in a complete “Free Energy State” I don’t really trust it and I don’t really trust western or eastern ideas of any sort that may run contrary to developing full authority over our capacity to produce this state. Endless diligence, endless prudence. Just let it out, whatever it is, write and write and write, let it out, don't do the whole "waiting for the perfect moment" don’t need to force a reaction in the body nor do I at all need to react from a forced reaction within the body, I am now at a stage where I am simply learning the fine art of the maneuvering of energy with the described exercise and then (1) the body moves itself in that direction with a natural Will for the former (2) the body regulates itself to become a natural Will for the latter (so you’re not controlled by unwanted reactions)

I don't suspect this will be the case. Who knows. But I suspect like when this person first popped into the world, I'll be a completely blank slate... And maybe even a totally alien "universe" made of different senses.

Hey all. I’d like to share something. It is a mystical experience as I came to realize, but it did not involve any substance, so I must describe the conditions that brought it about. Bear with me. I know it’s a long read, I made it as compact as possible. It is autumn of 95, probably September, I am 19 years old. I don’t have the slightest clue about enlightenment, and if I have heard something about it, I have definitely labeled it in my mind as “one of many kinds of religious delusions”. I knew a few things about psychedelics, never tried anything other than marijuana. There is no internet for me yet, so no easy access to information. I am very introverted, and I like to distract my mind with philosophical issues that usually arise from my daily life and human relationships. A story from greek mythology, the one that in the beginning of his life, Hercules had to choose between the path of virtue or the path of vice, comes to my attention, and thus started my next philosophical undertaking. {Mycenaean period}*, I think to myself, {a culture that is ancient even to the ancients of classical Greece, very much different and alien to us, yet there is a concept of good and evil that is pretty much the same today}. {And if you look at modern times, in all different cultures, there is always this same concept of good and evil. As if it is part of our instincts}. {But what exactly is good and evil?} {Why should anyone be good and not evil and what is the meaning and the value of such a choice?}. *I’ll put my thoughts from the past in curly brackets{}. The answer that the evolutionary pressure led humans to become social animals and develop a code of ethics, was not good enough for me. I was looking for the essence of the matter. And I had to understand it using only logic, if possible even express it using math formulas. I used to believe that logic is the best tool to check and guide feelings, and feelings is the best tool to check and guide logic, and that they always had to validate each other. So this concept that I could very easily dismiss sentimentally, in order to have a holistic view and a deep understanding, I had to approach it logically and pragmatically. And, of course, I would do that from an objective third person perspective. So I began examining various cases in my memories, looking for intents and motives, trying to interpret thoughts and deeds, mostly in other persons, because I feared that I could not be objective in judging myself. This must have been in my mind for 2-3 weeks, I would ponder it before I would sleep, and then the first thing in the morning, and whenever I got a chance during the day. I was trying to keep it alive in the back of my head all the time. I would observe people and their behavior, trying to find something that would give me food for new thoughts. I remember at some point I had come to a conclusion that {good and evil are two ways for one to organize his relationship with the outside world}, {Different viewing angles of the same object}, {like the two sides of a coin}. But still I was not at all satisfied. At this point I was feeling overwhelmed. Although I knew I would not let it be, I had to change tactic, maybe define my questions more accurately and limit their scope. So I would be content if I could find the mechanism and the exact reasoning behind my mind’s labeling of things as “good” or “evil”. I started a process of introspection that was familiar to me from my dabbling with computer programming: To write my code, I would usually examine how my own mind worked to reach the solution. I would play my thoughts in slow motion, trying to fully analyze any conclusion that was already formed and summed up in my mind as fact. I spent a few more days contemplating, watching my own mind and its judgments on each and every situation that it found itself in, until the answer found me instead, and it literally came to me out of nowhere. I was walking on the sidewalk with my sister, next to a small park. We were going to a kind of prep school that we have here. I started having a bodily sensation like goosebumps but I knew right away that what was coming to me was something out of the ordinary. If I describe the goosebumps as a wave that comes and wets my feet as I’m standing on the beach, what I was feeling was such a wave, but instead of it crashing and receding back to the sea, it kept coming and rising, and before I knew it, it had already taken control, carrying me wherever it intended. I remember struggling to focus on putting one leg in front of the other and keep walking. If my sister was not next to me, I’d just stand there motionless. I didn’t want her to know that I was someplace else and spoil this experience for me, so I tilted my head downwards and away from her and my gaze fell on the wheel of a parked car. What was going on inside me I could not describe in language. Only after the peak of this wave had ended I could find words that would approximate it. {This wheel is me, I am this wheel} {I am all the people} {There is nothing different between me and the next person, such distinctions are silly} {Doesn’t matter if I cry and others laugh or if I laugh and others cry} {What I feel now is true love, whenever I thought I’ve felt love before, it was only a shadow of this true one}. I felt like a creature that had spent its whole life in a swamp and now for the first time it raised its head out of the muddy waters and looked at the sun on the horizon… The question I had on my mind for so many days, now felt “cute”. I know the answer as if it had always been part of me. But I have to work in order to describe it in terms of language, so that I can remember it. {I absolutely have to remember this}. I can feel that this wave is going to recede eventually, and indeed its echoes lasted as long as it took for us to walk the remaining 150 meters to our destination. The answer I managed to express out of it was that the root of all evil is always some kind of egoism. It’s the idea that there’s me and there are others, over there, different, separate. {All evil comes from the ego. There can be no evil that does not come from an ego}. The set with the label “evil” is fully contained in the set with the label “ego”. As for the opposite, no matter how much I wanted to say it, I couldn’t be certain that ego is only evil, and that these sets are equal. So here’s the formula: Evil ⊆ Ego. Ask yourself this: Why steal? Consider all the plausible reasons. Why kill? Why rape? Why deceive? {The absence of ego is true “good”, pure, effortless, consistent, independent of external or internal circumstances}. {According to this definition, from a universal perspective} I thought, {We are all evil. Just some of us more, some less}. I did not wonder back then about the possibility of no ego, or about a method of achieving it. I imagined that as something that humankind might conquer in the distant future. As for the second part of my question “why should someone be good and not evil and what is the point and the value of such a choice” I managed to express the answer like so: {Evil is lack of information. The kind of information that is beyond the borders of the self. In most cases, the information that is missing is what is in another person’s mind. Thoughts, feelings, perspectives, experiences. One that has access to this information, cannot be evil. So since the existence of evil relies upon lack of information, it cannot be considered a valid choice. It is only a silly misunderstanding, an illusion, and in no way equal or opposite to good}. {An evil person is is more like a child that has a lot to learn and to grow up}. The conclusions that this experience brought to me, did not feel like a product of my intellect. Only the “translation into language” part maybe. But there was a huge gap. I could not find my own thought patterns anywhere. I remember being very perplexed because of this. I could not even be proud of my achievement, It didn’t feel like my own, but more like something bigger than me, something that was accommodating me as a guest. Pride and achievement… My mind certainly went there, but then I had this feeling that I’m selling out this “great ideal” by being proud. This was, and still is, one of the most important moments of my life. {But why did this happen to me now and not earlier?} {It definitely came as a result of my intense philosophical seeking} I thought. {Oh, and then there’s this that might have played a part}. During this time and since about a month before that, I had been meditating for 1 to 2 hours every day. I started doing this for a reason one could never imagine. I knew back then that meditation was a practice in some eastern traditions like yoga, and that it had positive effects on the health of both mind and body, but the real reason that made me take it on was that my Dungeons and Dragons character would meditate to regain his psionic strength points and even to unlock new powers. And I found that super cool. Many years later, I was casually watching youtube videos and I stumbled upon one that, if I remember correctly, had the word “consciousness” in its title, and this was what made me click it. This guy at some point said in very plain language that enlightenment, like the kind that the Buddha had, is actually shedding one’s ego and escaping its prison. Well, I was in shock, trying to digest what he just said and the fact that I understood it perfectly well. {Fuck me, is this what the buddhists and the yogis always been mumbling about?} I thought. The guy in the video was Leo, and this is the reason why I wanted to post this story here. Many thanks for this heads up.

It's so weird being in here, writing stuff he will never read. Because I'm so used to this forum meaning him. Discussions with him and thoughts about him and me checking if he was online regularly if we didn't speak, worrying when his content seemed too much up in the clouds, worrying when he didn't write anything at all. I looked up to him so much, I was so amazed by his mind. But I was also so angry at him for spending so much time being in his own head thinking about God instead of just living and being and breathing with me. There's a memory I had forgotten, but it has kept returning after he has died. I had moved to the other city then, to study, but we talked on the phone, of course, It wasn't during one of the break periods. But I remember I was still surprised that he called me. That it was me he called. He was in shock, he had fallen off his bike, you know he used to drive so fast and recklessly it was insane, with his long-limbed alien-body no one could control - him the least! When I remember it, I can see him as if I am standing next to him looking at his wounds in the bathroom mirror, but it was just a phone call. He was laughing almost, from the shock, he said he probably should go to the hospital. he described his wounded face to me. There's something about that memory, I think it comes up because it felt so normal and earthly and I felt so... Like if by calling me, he said to me - yes, you are the one I call when I'm hurt and don't know what to do. And I felt able to comfort him. And included. I asked if I should come to his city and go with him to the hospital. He of course said no, but I should not have listened. Before he died I don't think I really understood regret. I thought I could go through life without ever regretting anything - because everything happens for a reason right. And the universe has a plan. I do still believe that. I can never not believe that, and he wouldn't have wanted me to. He would laugh at me if I lost faith, I can almost hear him. Rolling his eyes at me - like God in all is the most obvious thing. But fuck, what I wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and take that fucking two-hour train ride to sit with him in that fucking hospital, holding his hand. Pressing my head against his chest. Kissing his shoulder and neck and fingers. And now I'm crying and it's probably better to stop writing now because I really think I should do this in small steps. I think it could be good for me though, to write about it in here. I feel people in here know him in a way that is comforting to me. They know his mind and his words and his empathy and all of his stupid trips and contemplations.

The brain functions like a colander for consciousness, its normal function is to filter out all thought forms/realities which are considered by intelligent infinity to be irrelevant to the entity's survival. Of psychedelics generally, it can be said that they interrupt this process, causing the entity to perceive things that have objectively always been there but were filtered out by the entity's mind. Another way of putting it is like this, consider anything that you experience as real like your hand. In human perception, it's a hand, but objectively speaking it's actually infinity being collapsed into a hand. The definition of infinity here is basically every dream that can be dreamed by an infinitely powerful being. If we modify the human state of consciousness adequately, we can turn your hand into anything else that it is, like a whole person, a planet, an M&M, it can even be more abstract things like consensus reality, or a personality reality only, or a space alien man can't imagine, you name it and it can be it.

You're right. How could I have been so stupid to think that Jed is Adya? Jed is an alien.

Wiring component A Related to emotional abuse Emotional abuse in childhood. It causes abuse to be normalized. For example - if a child is called a loser or fat by the parent, then when they grow up they are not able to differentiate between being respected by their partner or being verbally insulted as fat. This is because they can't differentiate between abuse and love. They take abuse or accept abuse as love. So they can't easily detect abusive love. For them it doesn't appear distinctly different from proper healthy love because they simply don't know what healthy love looks like. So three things happen here. 1. Not having a standard model of respectful behavior as a map/guide One is that you don't have a template, role model, framework, or blueprint of what respectful behavior looks like. This means you will never have the chance to know what behavior you should be looking for or picking. No healthy option given to you. You don't even know if a healthy option exists. 2. Normalization of abuse. Emotional abuse in childhood. It causes abuse to be normalized. For example - if a child is called a loser or fat by the parent, then when they grow up they are not able to differentiate between being respected by their partner or being verbally insulted as fat. This is because they can't differentiate between abuse and love. They take abuse or accept abuse as love. So they can't easily detect abusive love. For them it doesn't appear distinctly different from proper healthy love because they simply don't know what healthy love looks like. You think that it's ok to be abused since you begin to downplay your own abuse or don't take it seriously. You don't fight hard. You think it's ok or manageable. You don't even realize it's abuse to begin with. It doesn't create a shock factor. It does not shock you enough. It doesn't look or seem alien to you. Because you are so used to it. 3. Zero understanding and zero enforcement of boundaries. Emotional abuse also means that your boundaries have always been broken. The abuser always forcefully breaks your boundaries one by one so to get you used to it over time. So when you grow up you don't have a sense of boundaries. You don't understand boundaries. (you only understand boundaries after you are properly fucked up) You don't even know what a boundary should look like because you have never been taught to have one. You missed out on the crash course on boundaries that your peers got. All of these factors easily causes you to never see a relationship as abusive and or cause you to stay put or stay stuck in these relationships for a long time and doesn't enable you to leave them. In simple words, past or childhood instances of abuse enable patterns of abuse in adult life that causes the chain reaction pattern of progression of abuse seen in abuse survivors who constantly fall victim to cyclical patterns of abuse that never seems to stop. It's like once you are abused, you will be abused repeatedly without breaking this pattern.

Yeah anything above 70-80mg is amazing, but the hole kicks in at a little over 140mg with me, so yeah Lilly's 150mg bottom range makes sense! Perhaps an extremely brief (momentary) k hole peak with a little less (maybe 125mg), but holing for any length of time takes 140-170+ mg, in my experience. As far as extending the peak duration with higher doses... I'll illustrate, with basic pharmacology, the extent to which that is the case: 1. both r and s (and racemic) ketamine are very short acting and rapidly cleared -- 30 minute half life. 2. it has an intranasal tmax (time to peak concentration) of 15 minutes. Therefore, if you took exactly double the amount of ketamine required to very briefly (momentarily) k-hole at the peak (as in took around 125x2=250mg), you would be coming out of the k hole right at 15+30= T+45min. I've gone over 200mg in one dose and the hole still never lasted up to the 60 minute mark post-dose. Used 400mg in a sitting once, purposely avoiding actually falling into the hole or completely losing bodily control, while getting as close as possible -- extremely hard non-holing trip that lasted a few hours. For shits and giggles, if you took quadruple the dose that would theoretically give a momentary k hole peak, 125x4= 500mg (NOBODY EVER TAKE THAT ALL AT ONCE , as if it would even be possible to absorb that much intranasally all at once... and you wouldn't be able to spread it out since you'd be incapacitated), you would be coming out of the k hole right at 15+30+30= 75 minutes. One additional half life (30 minutes) worth of duration per each doubling of the dose. Maybe some got stuck on a dry spot of your nasal lining and absorbed later? Lol that would be unheard of though. Perhaps a significant amount of the drip was absorbed orally -- that may be what happened as it would have a longer duration than IN, and especially long if gastric emptying was slowed due to recent food intake... <-- If you laid down on your back right away, that could have easily happened -- you always want to keep your head leaning slightly forward after IN administration for as long as is safe (before you must lie down lest you risk injury). If there was still complete lack of possession and control over your completely-still-and-incapacitated material body past the 60 minute mark... I would highly doubt whether it was ketamine... But beyond 2 hours of clock-time?....... If the whole dose was insufflated in one go (or at least within ~10 minutes) I would bet it was a longer acting ketamine derivative -- DCK has been really common, especially around half a decade ago. Unless you have some kind of genetic modulation of how you process ketamine, or had taken something that interferes with its clearance. 140+ mg definitely can be quite a harrowing reset. I usually only took around 40-100mg (intranasally). Though I did k hole several times with well over 140mg. Sometimes 400mg in a sitting, but over the course of a few hours, certainly not all at once. 70-100mg is a nice dose for insight, without quite the craziness and potential danger of k holing (140-200+ mg) -- though you still need to lie down... after a significant amount of the stuff absorbs of course (for >2-5 minutes or as long as is safe) while sitting up first with head angled slightly forward or straight (if head is angled back, it drips to your stomach real quick). Before I got into spirituality, the k hole was completely different to how it presents now. It was like an alien astral projection world with divine entities then, but now (as of a year ago) it's completely indescribable -- infinite; timeless.

Maybe all of the thoughts I share here are going to be awkward in some way for me to reveal though I want to share them so that I can make the tiniest impact on cultures memetic gene pool so that its creative nervous system maintains its health, in saying that in the interests of the "host" I am aware of course that some of my thoughts will be "rejected" by a cells "anti-virus" system haha. First thought - Aliens and sexuality: Sometimes I imagine a female alien species to have sexual thoughts about from a planet brought about by particular laws that don't conflict with my own belief system so I can override my own conditioned responses to sex. I can imagine all varieties permutations reflective and not reflective of human characteristics, though much more than enough human symmetry. I have also imagined being sexual with not even bodily forms but simply energies, including imagining the sexual energy of the universe say. Today for example I imagined that she came from a planet that arose out of a "pure pleasure principle" meaning their natural selection process only reinforces pleasure giving and pleasure receiving. This principle is reflected in the entirety of the origins of all species, landscapes and environments on the planet itself. This makes it easier for me to imagine "infinite pleasure giving" and the enjoyment of giving and receiving to this end rather than allowing the superimposed limits of what I've experienced from other humans. Don't get me wrong, I've had amazing experiences, however our brains tend to limit ourselves based on our "best" experiences, so I wonder about the limits beyond that while recognising the drawbacks if such an imagination isn't treated with intelligence with respect to how I can apply it to my real life. I guess by now you can only imagine the kinds of limits this would enable me to surpass with respect to developing unique knowledge as it concerns subjectivity and honing my intersubjective interpersonal lens on not just sexual experiences but all relationships to sexuality, including the various aesthetics of emotionality and energy That's it for now. I don't watch porn, I barely watch any form of video for the most part, its not as stimulating as I need it to be and nothing can compare outside of the genuine human experience of anything that isn't my own imagination or connecting with the imagination of another. This is just a tester. My writing is pretty lax today, I guess I'm still recovering from sleep deprivation. This is as bad as it'll get really. I'll create a certain way I compose these and reflect that determined sophistication repeatedly.

@zurew My belief is attraction is an inherent biological drive so that people can procreate. The desires that get passed on are the desires that are the norm. Desires that don't lead to copulation are mutations that typically get selected out of the gene pool. Desires that keep appearing in some way are consistent mutations that must serve some evolutionary function. We understand how attraction works and it comes from evolutionary process. What we don't know is why we evolve and why we want to procreate and make more of ourselves. That's an alien force that governs all human and animal actions beyond us and perhaps beyond our comprehension. People can call it god or whatever but it exists and it's why we are what we are.

@Leo Gura Trying to lift more than your body is ready for can easily result in a physical injury. When you did the mushrooms you were a sapling compared to what you've become. 5MEO is just about the heaviest weight the mind can lift, so I doubt the mushroom trip would be so disturbing this time around. That said, the trip protocol I described is phenomenologically absurd in scale. It seems like a different dimension of experience altogether compared to 5MEO. I can very much see why some people believe mushrooms are "alien beacons". I still definitely recommend it. It will probably cause you to re-examine your views regarding psilocybin's potential as a spiritual tool. I think one thing it is very good at is scanning your body / mind to see what you need and what you're ready for. And then it will show you. You may be ready for quite a lot. My reaction to the protocol was also "Holy Fuck!". Not so much "Holy fuck it's crazy what consciousness is capable of". but more like: "Holy fuck, God is real". And I don't simply mean the universal consciousness made out of the infinite energy of pure unconditional love It is certainly that, but it also, unbelievably, encompasses the religious concept of God to an unsettling degree. For instance, it becomes immediately obvious why churches, stained glass, depictions of angels and souls and all of the ecclesiastical paraphernalia looks the way it does. Originally it was designed from memory. It's a visual transcription of the mushroom world / the realm of God's imagination in process. This may be unique to mushrooms, and it's something very much worth seeing / becoming (in my opinion. I'm not sure it's any less profound than 5MEO, but it is a very different aspect of God, a very different flavour. Psilocybin therapy is beginning to really take off around the world, and there is a growing interest in this tryptamine specifically in people from all walks of life. If you did a new video on a heroic dose of psilocybin as per the ICL protocol, I think there would be a pretty large influx of people interested in your work, associated opportunities etc. More than you'd expect. Will probably become your most viewed video. For what it's worth. Here is the ICL playlist I used. Go do it...! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2mT6LpOU4ipJ0BkoCigAiw

I think the most obvious chemical to experience such “alien” states is psilocybin. I really, really recommend a 5-6 gram dose, blindfolded, wearing headphones and listening to the ICL Psilocybin playlist. I wouldn’t scrimp on the dose even if you consider yourself to have low tolerance. The addition of music has some very profound effects which may well give you the totally alien experience you’re after. Not God consciousness as such - more like profoundly deep soul consciousness. An absolutely fascinating state which I think may help to put 5MEO-style God consciousness into an even deeper context and allow fuller integration. The ICL-selected tracks were included and ordered so as to maximise the emotional impact of the journey, with different tracks coming along at what feels like exactly the right time. It’s mindblowing. You will completely forget you were / are human if you follow the protocol, don’t open your eyes, etc. The difference between being blindfolded + playlist or just taking 5g eyes-open and “chilling” is probably pretty similar to the difference between lighting a scented candle versus being hurled into the sun. Since it takes you so completely into the moment, into the infinite Y axis, the downside is it will feel like madness for the last couple of hours as you experience thought loops (the X axis, or “time” coming back online) and the shifting between two worlds (“heaven” and “Earth”). But you can leave notes to calm you down and remind yourself that you’ve taken a drug and the feelings of madness will pass. Cannot recommend this experience enough. I would be very interested to hear if you consider it to be more / less profound than your breakthrough experiences with 5MEO.

I see what you mean. from my experience with the Ketamine: after a certain dose, it becomes really alien/extraterrestrial. But it goes through phases. Total annihilation of form - Complete erasing of consciousness - reboot - new tier/dimension of consciousness. Now I did take a huge amount (for me atleast) Insufflated 220mg S-isomer K. It was absolute hell to go through. But it was by far one of the most valuable trips I have gone through. It gave such a “grounded” feeling. I felt like a new solid ground got rebuild for exploring completely new territories. But really understand what you mean. Its a bit risky, and can be taxing on your health. Had a rough time breathing through the nose for 2 weeks.

I'm not really interested in chemicals to access total formlessness. I'm more interested in totally alien states of consciousness which I have as yet not encountered. But I also have to be careful that accessing these states doesn't come with too much risk. For example I would like to experience what datura can do, but it's too dangerous IMO.

The traditional medicines like Ayahuasca are very safe. They have been used by tribes for centuries and would have been weeded out long ago if dangerous. That’s why it is good to stick with the traditional medicines. Also, a good shaman is very important. I have done over a dozen ceremonies with the same shaman and have seen him guide many people that were going through serious traumatic purges in a way that was healing. I can’t imagine what would happen to these people under the care of one of the many fake and unqualified servers. “I avoid synthetic drugs and prefer the organic hallucinogens, because I believe that a long history of shamanic usage is the first seal of approval that one must look for when selecting a substance for its possible effects on personal growth. And if a plant has been used for thousands of years, one can also be fairly confident that it does not cause tumors or miscarriages or carry other unacceptable phys­ical risks. Over time, trial and error has resulted in the choice of the most effective and least toxic plants for shamanic use. Other criteria are also relevant when evaluating a substance. It is important to use only those compounds that do not insult the physical brain; regardless of what the physical brain does or doesn't have to do with the mind, it certainly has much to do with the metabolism of hallucinogens. Compounds alien to the brain and therefore difficult for it to metabolize should be avoided. One way of judging how long a relationship between humans and a plant has been in place is to notice how benign the compound is in human metabolism. If after you have taken a plant, your eyes are not in focus forty-eight hours later, or your knees are feeling rubbery three days later, then this is not a benign compound that has evolved into a smooth hand-in-glove fit with the human user.” Terence McKenna. Food of the Gods (Kindle Locations 3668-3672).

You really think that trained military fighter pilots are dumb enough to not know the difference between an alien spacecraft and a glare? And radar systems lock onto glare? That is some serious copium. What's next? Trump won the election?

Theres a lot of content now days about hook up culture and its negative affects, or mens spaces talk about how body count affects pair bonding. How do we morally without guilt go about dating if we aren't in a position to be in a relationship due to focusing on other areas of life ie work, self actualisation or simply find it better to have a degree of independence, or we just want to do pick up for self development. We don't want to be celibate, but don't want a full blown relationship as that takes a lot of energy and time or if you don't believe in legal marriage/want kids. Mens spaces talk about casual sex being bad for women then promote spinning plates and 'enjoying the decline'. How can we enjoy the decline when we are living in that declining society. There are karmic affects, we create the society we live in. Dating can be viewed as development in that through the pain/pleasure cycle we experience, it forces us to seek the peace of presence which is always with us, it can be a force that pushes us and others towards self actualisation. But what we actually see in reality is most people becoming bitter, nihilistic, closed off, and dis embodied. They'll still have sex or meet those needs, but with minimal emotion, only going through the motions. And this is helped further through numbing, and substances such as alcohol, drugs etc. A emotionally healthy person should be able to feel emotion, a spiritually advanced person will feel emotion and yet not get attached. Thats what life and especially dating should teach us, to not be attached to form, and yet enjoy it. Be in the world yet not of it, I just don't see that happen and so have to question whether I want to contribute to that suffering. Knowledge makes one aware of the amoral aspect of human nature and biology when it comes to mating, evolution doesn't care about human happiness. We have to consciously live life to find happiness without giving in to some of our instincts. Ancient instincts, in a alien modern environment if not controlled will cause pain. Its why we can't just gorge on sugar salt fat, or have to fight to not be lazy when survival is taken care of. In the same way our mating instincts can cause a lot of problems and is in the modern world. As we become aware of the negative emotional consequences unfettered mating has long term when people can't get into relationships or have so much baggage from failed hook ups or dating trying to lock down people or guys who just want to keep things casual, it makes it harder to partake in the dating game knowing its negative effects it has on women and society. Even if you are honest that you don't want anything serious, people still try to change you or view it as a challenge, and even if they sleep with you that can bond them despite what they say. In the end people get hurt and there is collateral damage. What is the right path.. our instincts drive us to mate, but awareness of the heartbreak those instincts can have causes conflict on what to do. The celibate life is lonely and your suppressing your desire unless transcended, the bachelor life is emotionally taxing and causes guilt of countless heart breaks, the monogamous relationship route is a huge time/energetic investment and thats if you even find the right partner, that also comes with its own challenges as being life long monogamous isn't even within our nature and is almost a spiritual yoga in and of itself. Each have theirs pros and cons and offer growth in different ways. Even if one wants a relationship, the process that leads there ie dating is bound to cause emotional heart break. Maybe the past way of courting (ie dating without sex) was the safest way as sex emotionally bonds us too much to people we find in the end aren't even compatible. People we have love affairs with aren't always people we can build a life with, and that whole process adds baggage disrupting happiness in future relationships. Now we get to know people whilst having sex, where as before people got to know each other before sex. Maybe that is the best method of dating whilst minimising heart break.. but attempting that in todays world you'll come across weak or not confident enough before they move on to someone that seems more 'serious' in their eyes.