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Feel free to ask questions directly to me about this combination. In these videos which were made a while back, I had a somewhat different view on it than I do now. I don’t recommend it for everyone, but it can be quite worthwhile for those with specific goals that allow the pros to then outweigh the cons. You’ll find a lot of information on my YouTube channel. There is also talk of the relationship and interaction of spirituality/pursuing enlightenment or awakening and bipolar disorder. The linked videos are not in any order related to importance. How Psychedelics Trigger Manic Episodes (Bipolar Disorder) ?Magic Mushrooms with Bipolar? - My Heroic Dose Trip Report #5dgisd Bipolar Mushrooms- A 1.5 Gram Psilocybin Trip Report with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 Taking Magic Mushrooms with Bipolar Disorder (My Thoughts & Experience) Bipolar Disorder & Spiritual Enlightenment - The Accidental Buddha There are many more relevant videos on the YouTube channel itself than just these. A question and answer between a fellow bipolar person and myself. He is the questioner. Has working with psychedelic medicines helped you in your opinion? It has allowed me to experience more happiness, love, bliss, pleasure, ecstasy, insight, true knowledge, and deep and unimaginable spiritual experiences than anything else as well as many other positive things I didn’t mention above. I tried meditation for years before psychedelics. It worked well for me on two separate two-week-long occasions, but this only happened after my highest dose mushroom trip motivated me to meditate even more. Without psychedelics, I wouldn’t have had that motivation. I also might not have been “spiritually charged” enough to have those deep experiences brought about by meditation if I hadn’t done a large dose of psilocybin mushrooms a week or so before the first effective meditative experience started. In my opinion, nothing comes close to psychedelics when you use them correctly. On a more permanent level, I’ve become more open-minded, confident, and a better creative thinker. I’m less neurotic. I’m less socially anxious. Due to these things, I’d say I’m closer to reaching my genetic IQ potential. When you’re intellectually bogged down by mental illness and limiting personality traits like low openness or high neuroticism, you aren’t going to actually be able to think, speak, and act as close to your maximum genetic IQ potential. Overall, I’d say psychedelics have made me a better person. I’m quite proud of the changes they’ve made in me or possibly allowed me to make within myself. There’s nothing more extreme that you can experience in this life than combining a history of spiritual practice and study with a high-dose psychedelic trip. Think of skydiving out of a high-altitude plane at 60,000 feet with the aim of landing on the peak of Mount Everest, then multiply it by infinity. Then you’re coming close to what your consciousness can experience when you take spirituality times high-dose psychedelic use. I’m not trying to pressure spiritually on you btw, but I can’t tell the full story of how psychedelics have affected me without including it. Spiritual practice enhances both the short- and long-term effectiveness of psychedelics and vice versa as I described a bit when I mentioned those peak states I experienced from meditation. Using psychedelics has also given me the most difficult challenges of my life. This is not only talking about the couple bad trips I’ve had which can be an experience of hell on Earth. It’s mainly referring to how high-dose trips have led to much less stability with my bipolar disorder. If your goal is stability or treating the disorder alone, microdosing for the depression side of bipolar disorder is best, but there is also likely less risk of psychedelics harming you since you are bipolar type 2. I’m type 1 which is what makes my manias much more intense and therefore potentially damaging to certain aspects of my life while they also help other aspects of my life, primarily by giving me insights and the generation of new experiences and thoughts that possibly no other human being has ever experienced or thought of before and may never experience or think of in the future. The manias at times damage my public reputation, financial stability, job stability, and close relationships. Psychedelics are the most effective treatment for depression that exists, but always remember that what can treat depression in most cases will also pose a risk of triggering a manic episode. This even happens with SSRI antidepressants. SSRIs, typically near overdose level, create hallucinations in a quite similar way as psychedelics do. Most psychedelics you’ll likely encounter or hear about, typically referred to as the “classical” psychedelics, are mainly flooding the serotonin 5-HT2A receptors in your brain with their chemical structures that are nearly identical to serotonin itself. To a lesser extent, they also affect the serotonin 5-HT1A and dopamine receptors. SSRIs work by stopping the reuptake of serotonin. They basically stop the brain from recycling the serotonin in between receptors/neurons. As you can probably start to see, SSRIs and psychedelics do similar things; psychedelics simply “do it better” because they introduce a new source of serotonin copycat molecules rather than simply trying to work with what the brain already has in it. All of that was basically said to explain that, if your goal is to treat bipolar depression, psychedelics will work faster and typically be more effective as classical psychedelics in most cases pose little to no risk of overdose at their effective dose that will treat depression effectively when compared to SSRIs. SSRIs are just as dangerous if not more dangerous than psychedelics; they simply are just given at super low doses. You can do the same thing by microdosing your psychedelics, but it will most likely work much better to treat your depression than even mood stabilizers and an SSRI combined from my personal experience and research on credible scientific studies. So anyway, you can see for me that the answer to “have psychedelics helped me in my opinion?” is quite complex. They certainly have great effectiveness at both giving transcendent spiritual experiences which generate the absolute peak good (and more rarely bad) emotions humans want to experience and treating depression. How you can most wisely use them depends on your life goals. If you want a normal and relatively happy life, microdose either psilocybin mushrooms or LSD and use a mood stabilizer that is not an antipsychotic such as lithium or carbamazepine to control your potential for mania. Some antipsychotics counteract the effects of psychedelics and likely SSRIs as well, so they can cut down the effectiveness of your chosen depression treatment. I’d go off of your SSRI if you choose to microdose. You won’t need the SSRI at all likely, and it will keep you away from the rumored possibility of serotonin syndrome which doctors, mostly based on theory alone from what I can gather, say can occur when you combine psychedelics with an SSRI. I say this is based in theory alone as I have not been able to find even a single case online of someone ever experiencing serotonin syndrome from psychedelics alone, and any actual data on combining psychedelics with an SSRI is even less likely to be found anywhere. In summary, I’ll answer a couple questions. Do I regret even a single time that I’ve taken a psychedelic even if it’s resulted in less mental stability and a severe manic or depressive episode? Not at all. Would I choose to make practically the exact same decisions about taking psychedelics if I could live my life over again retaining all memory of everything that has resulted from me taking them? Yes, I might even choose to take more if I did things over again. I MIGHT choose to have haldol on hand thus negating any “negative” effects that I experienced. I don’t even know if I’d want to get rid of the manic or depressive episodes I’ve experienced due to my psychedelic use. I don’t know if it’s fair to even categorize those times of instability as negative considering what they have given me. As much as psychedelics multiply the effects of spirituality and vice versa, mania does the same thing to both. They all multiply each other to create experiences that someone who isn’t bipolar, a dedicated high-dose psychedelic user, and a spiritual practitioner all at the same time could experience. I’m talking about experiences that potentially rival and maybe even exceed any spiritual leader, messiah, or enlightened person you’ve ever heard of. That’s the power of the modern-day shamanism that I’m talking about. The one instance of serious suicidal and homicidal depression that I experienced which was possibly caused by my psychedelic use even provided valuable experience and insight. Don’t let me sharing that with you scare you away from psychedelics, but if it does scare you, just microdose instead of playing with the fire that comes from high-dose experiences. I will reiterate though that you might even be able to do high-dose trips with little risk of a damaging mania due to you being bipolar type 2. I have a good friend who is type 2 who does high-dose trips regularly which cause little to no mania in him. A separate writing: This will likely be the most detailed writing about the relationship between bipolar disorder and psychedelics you’ll be able to find online. Many bipolar people have tried them, but info online describing experiences and the interaction is quite rare. Many people with bipolar disorder either come to the hard question of “Should I use psychedelics?” or simply do them without even questioning it, being generally unaware of the medical warnings against it. In many ancient or even some modern day shamanic cultures, people with psychotic mental illnesses (these were often not considered illnesses in these cultures) were often chosen above people with regular psyches/neurochemistry to become shamans or medicine men/women. The shamans/medicine men/women in many of these cultures regularly used psychedelics, and these individuals were viewed to have a key role in society that seemed to be enhanced by their psychedelic use. As you can see, there is a large difference between how other cultures have answered this question and how the consensus of modern medicine answers this question. I just wrote much of the information below for a friend with bipolar who asked if psilocybin magic mushrooms have been responsible for my manic episodes. Before I get into that, I’ll clarify that I was diagnosed with type one bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder at 18. I have clear family history (diagnosed type 2 bipolar disorder in my grandmother). I had my first sign of the illness at age 14. This sign was moderate depressive symptoms that lasted up until my first manic episode at 18. I did not try psychedelics until I was almost 23. I had used marijuana starting at age 14, but I would only say I was a moderate/heavy user for about two months right when I started then almost none at all until years later. I bring up marijuana because some medical professionals have suggested there is a link between its use and the triggering of latent psychotic mental health disorders, mainly bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I figured I’d add that in since this post is basically accounting for both the potential and obvious relationships among various drugs and how my disorder manifests. Here’s what I said to my friend to answer his question: Well I hadn't had a manic episode for a few years until about two months after I had my first mushroom experience (a relatively low dose) which ended up changing my priorities quite a bit. I stopped caring about chasing success and money as much and started prioritizing things like relationships with my family and girlfriend more. This decision made me much happier. It's hard to say if the mushrooms truly caused that mania. It more started me making positive changes in my life and gave an uplift to my emotions that kind of snowballed until I was beyond just happy and was instead manic. I believe the behavior and values change was what really caused this episode, but these changes were caused by consuming the mushrooms. Another time when I took my highest dose ever (5.87 grams) it lead me to choose to start meditating multiple times per day and eat a completely vegan diet. I think the meditation and diet change were more responsible for the mania that came about 30-45 days after the trip than the mushrooms were. Other than those two times, I haven't had problems with mushrooms causing episodes. I think they have the capability to chemically trigger an episode right away, but this would only be found at abnormally high doses probably. I have had close to 10 mushroom trips with most at 3-5 grams. Only two were at less than 3 grams. It seems like the way they trigger mania comes more in their ability to motivate you to take action or make changes to make yourself happier. I've never really been as motivated as I was after my highest dose. I changed/added probably 5-10 different positive habits to my daily life consistently for over a month. I was a fucking machine, lol. As a bipolar person, when you do all of this to create happiness within yourself, there is a problem. You don't have a natural cap to your happiness in the same way a normal person does. There's nothing in place to stop you from going manic when you revolutionize your life in the way I was. Standard doses of medication will not stop that. Emergency level doses can. LSD at 10 tabs chemically triggered a manic episode for me. At six tabs and three tabs on two separate trips there were no symptoms of mania at all nor any manias caused by the motivation and values changes I’ve described with those 20% of my mushroom experiences I’ve just described. It’s important to note that 80% of the time I tripped on shrooms it didn’t lead to any notable lifestyle shifts. In the three times I used LSD, it didn’t produce lifestyle changes like that 20% of my mushroom trips did. LSD and shrooms work relatively similarly in the brain on serotonin levels. This is why I say with a high level of certainty that shrooms can chemically trigger mania at crazy doses. LSD does boost dopamine more than psilocybin, so I would say it is riskier as boosting either of these neurotransmitters significantly is known to cause manic episodes. Taking ayahuasca and going off my meds at the same time also triggered a manic episode for me. This is the only time I have gone off my meds if you’re thinking maybe that’s causing my episodes. If I hadn't gone off my meds, I would've been fine though. I’m certain of that. I had a low/normal dose of ayahuasca. Long story short, with psychedelics that work mainly on serotonin (this includes all that I’ve described here), it's the dose that ultimately decides if they will chemically trigger mania. I could probably have as many mushroom trips as I want at 2-3 grams and possibly even 5 grams without any manic symptoms caused chemically by the initial ingestion, however, the power of these trips to lead you to take action to change your own level of happiness by improving your behavior and motivation is just as much of a risk for triggering mania as the direct and initial chemical effects. Several of my manias I had in the last half of 2020 were also not caused directly by psychedelics it appears, but those episodes also might not have ever happened if I didn't "open the gateway" or "put a crack in the dam" by using psychedelics many times at high doses and potentially permanently changing how my brain works. In the last six months of 2020, I had six serious manic episodes. Five resulted in hospitalization usually lasting one to two weeks for each occurrence. Two of these manic episodes were directly and chemically triggered by psychedelics. I also had my first depressive episode that was severe enough to require hospitalization at the end of 2020. I was seriously suicidal for the first time in my life. At the worst point in this episode, I even began having serious homicidal thoughts and plans. In the 2-3 years since choosing to start using psychedelics, my mental health has been far more tumultuous than ever before. I’ve had probably twice the amount of episodes in this 2-3 year period when compared to the previous 4-5 year period. I’ve also had both my worst manic episode and depressive episode ever during this 2-3 year period. It’s possible that some of these episodes would’ve happened without using psychedelics, but at least two were directly, chemically, and unquestionably caused by psychedelics and not just by behavior changes resulting from psychedelics. Conversely, psychedelics as well as these recent manias and all manias that have came after I started using psychedelics have given me the most incredible and meaningful experiences of my life. It’s common for spiritual or religious feelings, experiences, and thoughts to occur during manic episodes, but my manic episodes have become far more spiritually significant and overall spiritual in nature than the episodes I had before using psychedelics. I have been a very committed spiritual seeker for the past seven years. It’s important to note that I only really take psychedelics because of the way they add to my spirituality and aid me in experiencing the radical possibilities of consciousness. I’m not the type to trip just as a way to hang out with friends or trip at music festivals recreationally. As Leo Gura once said, “I don’t trip recreationally. I trip existentially.” I’m certain that the combination of bipolar disorder and psychedelics has allowed me to experience deeper awakenings and insights than many dedicated monks or other seriously dedicated or gifted spiritual people have who have decades of experience under their belts. I’ve done this in 2-3 years of psychedelic use and 7 years of spiritual practice and study. A bipolar brain certainly seems to increase the potency of psychedelics as well as give advantages spiritually. The choice to take psychedelics is an individual one. I’m not trying to pressure or influence anyone to make a decision either way. I figure giving people more information will help them to make the correct decision for them. Back to the shamanic use of psychedelics in those with psychotic mental illnesses in other cultures that I mentioned at the beginning, these cultures had an infrastructure built around supporting the physical needs of shamans. Shamans were generally not required to go hunt or do other work. Their work was going on psychedelic journeys through consciousness, gathering insights and heightened consciousness from these experiences, serving as physical healers, visionaries, and psychologists, and being the spiritual backbone of the society as well as possibly several other things we might not know about today. If your goal is to be a normal full-time employee or regular member of society, it probably isn’t wise to have regular high dose psychedelic trips as a bipolar person. If your goal is to experience the absolute peaks of insight, creative thought, and spiritual potency that consciousness has to offer, then they might be for you, but remember that you will likely pay a price. That price will very likely be your mental stability. You will have more manic and depressive episodes, and these episodes will be more severe than they would be if you never used psychedelics. Shamans who did not have the burden of normal work were much better equipped to handle this. The main problem for bipolar people who want to use psychedelics in the nature I have and for the purposes I have is that the majority of us still have to work full-time or go to school or carry out important family responsibilities like raising children. It’s incredibly difficult to juggle psychedelic use as a bipolar person with these things.

I’ve wondered about this, and thought that perhaps enlightenment is more common than we think, but since it is a phenomenon of no-mind it is often not visible to the part of us that is still wrapped up in the mind. The links between the no-mind and the mind are often not clearly established, and the mind carries a lot of baggage, so if the no-mind experiences enlightenment perhaps the mind won’t notice. A friend of mine spent six months meditating two hours every day, and then had an experience around a raspberry which he ate. It was as if all his senses came alive to that raspberry, it was a deep bliss, and the next morning he woke up with no desire for smoking, he changed his eating habits, his blood pressure reverted to normal and he no longer needed meds for it after many years, and he felt energetic and very creative. He ended up buying a lot of materials from an arts and crafts store and became an artist. He taught himself to play the violin. It was a turning point in his life. Now I wouldn’t say this friend suddenly became wise and cosmically knowledgeable, but something definitely happened to him. Perhaps it was a mini-enlightenment which didn’t fully penetrate to his mind.

What a fantastic day this will be, 24 hours until uninterrupted eternal bliss. I would just close off to people and spend time in the nature, walking in some direction to a forest or something.

If consciousness is truly all there is (which after throughly browsing through this forum and the associated YouTube channel, I still do not believe), why should that engender existential horror instead of bliss, or some other arbitrary state of consciousness, perhaps one which we cannot imagine? Why should the knowledge that we are consciousness, and that existence is all there can be, cause a feeling of horror out of an absolutely infinite number of states of consciousness that we can experience? Leo claims that God aka each one of us is a "trickster", but why is the act of tricking necessary? Why does pure consciousness need to employ "tricks" instead of simply being "comfortable", for lack of a better word, with its eternal existence?

I think I will just keep this as a fear journal - description of fears in my life and the feeling it creates and that I use this technique to relieve myself of these fears. It will be very simple straightforwards in doing and sharing together if anyone is interested + you may benefit, be relieved to see that you and I and alot of other people share. It is also a concretized reference to bring up recent fears for more intense and productive practice of nirbhaya dhyaana. I will keep these frightening events short while being descriptive enough for my liking. I noticed in general that my perception of fear starts really changing, i feel more and more free, feeling ok as I am are. I wouldn't give up this feeling for any possesion, achievement. With thise whole effort I would really lile the change few or even just one aspects of my life completely. Either sleeping in turiya, having a siddhi (psychic power, intuition), being free from fear or/and lust, changing the quality of consciousness in some way, having more glimpses of enlightenment, feeling blissfull all the time, sleeping low amounts and having no craving for junk food/media. Having courage to act upon my authentic desires e.c.t. So the list of fears today (could be earlier fears also): - Deciding when to start chilling the batch of newly fermented beer, not really knowing the exact parameter (degree of fermentation) of when to do it creates fear in me, fear of doing something wrong, fear of inevitable bad outcome, because of the unpredictability of chilling, and speed of fermentation and lack of experience and fear of co-workers yelling, shaming me for being unable, discriminating, rejecting me in some way or giving some penalty for that, also the fear of asking or calling or even meeting that co-worker appears, because she has yelled at me for being an idiot, she clearly rejects me in some way, i am in fear to deal with this again and again, so i am letting these fears overwhelm me but I don'8t create the greed of overcoming the fear so it stays in the floating in the emotional layer, where it melts down in my nervous system in blissfullness. - I am affraid to even go and perform some action just to check the temperature for one of the chilling beer tanks, because I feel I will be shamed or gaslit, feeling like I am doing something wrong again, or that I am doing her job while she is there and I am not supposed to do till she leaves, or that it get chilled too much and she will attack me for not watching it chill to the right temperature earlier; - Fear of neighbours disrupting my sleep for playing guitar and sometimes even because I type on the keyboard and press synth keys (yeah, i even use phone to write and keypad to write, because it is quiet, so these stalkers are left with shouting - what are you doing all day? Just sitting on the net?), it is not even the fear itself of not falling asleep but the fear of side effects of not sleeping well enough and it affecting my working and creativity; - irritation, anger (active form of fear) from the passive-agressive and sneaky abuse from multiple neighbours stalking what I do, shouting some insulting slurs at night "you are just a baby living with his mom", "you are conplete 0", "you are a manchild that only knows how to feed himself", "what are you doing/stop sitting in front of computer screen", "you can't play guitar for shit", "your music sounds shit", "you are not playing guitar, underestand!", "ohh, you can't play guitar now, will you start crying?", "why are you not playing guitar now, huh?", "Answer me!", "I will break your guitars", "I will beat you up", "I will fuck up your sleep the whole night", "You are fucked, i don't care", rythimc bangs on the celing, floor, walls when I am sleeping from my nightshift and at night also, constantly opening and closing doors of closets that ring from resistance. (Fyi, i have ignored all of this, and will do, because this is the best tactice I have ever applied, you can clearly see their corrouption and hyporcisy, e.c.t., but this is not about them, this js about me and my fears); - The fear of my guitar playing, ability to practice and to release what I want to enrich to the world being taken away from me; - The fear of my health deteriorating and stomach hurting, eyesight worsening, head hurting sometimes, fear of accidents, loosing limbs, ability to physically play the instrument or hear or work e.c.t.; - Fear of losing my job and source of income as I did made one bad mistake in my workplace last summer Here's few for now... Alot will come repetetive and it is fine. This is a good reference to get back to the feelings. I don't know where I would be without these techniques. I feel young, blissfull, far-sighted, like a human should feel. Ok as himself. Not as these frozen, rotten people who devote their life towards trying to ruin other people's lives, wasting literally quarter of their day if not more in front of their children, doing this abuse and then hiding behind labels as: "look at me, I am a father, i am so much better than you, let me give you advice you didn't even ask for what you should do with your life to end up just as miserable as me!" Well to say what I think: 1) You make children for sense of comfort, company and that you will have a sense of accomplishment that you have what most people have and think is accepted in the society and that you will have something to do. Thinking this is selfless is delusion, you want children is just to have an asset. It might be the biggest sugar-coated delusion, but really people make children and then posses then with their values and and sometimes even make them as their screaming and sometimes even punching bags. If you really are selfless, you will do volunteering, charity e.c.t., altho it for alot of the time, it is calculated and therefore, not really selfless. There is nothing amazing in my worldview in any particular action. You can do everything I can do. I can do everything you can do. Ofc acknowledging the physiological imitation as in gender ofc. Obv, i can't give birth to children. A big accomplishment to me would look like this - you can sit in one place and be happy/blissfull for lets say 16 hours. You living without getting angry. You radiating bliss, you being extraordinarily healthy, emotionally intelligent, listening, tolerating those who are tolerant. Having a high tolerance or resistance aginst corrouption and exploitation. You being a hard worker for little regard for reward and you having a vision and being loving, accepting person. You actively enriching other people. All these qualities are really admirable; 2)If your life is a mess and you are acting violently, the content of what you are saying on the topic of life advice is not very usefull; 3) You can't accept as I am, why should I even listen to you?;

Hello! Let me ask you, do you want to suffer? Do you want to live your life knowing that you are going to continiously suffer? If I look at your future (as a joke) I can see you constantly going trough problems, sufferings, dulness e.c.t. That is without knowing any spiritual practice. What you are going to suffer: - Fear of various kinds; - Boredom; - Lust, leading in pain and guilt; - Guilt for not having the stuff mass is having: - Feeling of displaced in society; - Inability to find anything lasting and secure, valuable; - Inevitable loneliness (constant irritation when any form of entertainment is not available); - Depression for various reasons; - Depresion because of unfullfillment before achieving your life purpose, some personal desires e.c.t., depression because something was taken away from you by event or person; - Depression of succes after acheving something and realizing this is not it and suddenly not meaning anything; - Suffocation of various social, job, e.c.t. obligations to keep yourself running; - Feeling exploited by society, family, spouse, or even people on the internet; - Abuse of the body and mind - partcularly by some enemy, gaslighting you, brainwashing you, making you guilty for who you are, discriminating aginst you, make you constantly fear him or even harm you physically (and ALOOT of passive agressive bullshit, layers of perversions and conspiracies of the ill, unhappy people waiting to wake all their anger on just about anybody); - Self-sabotage, surgeries, pains, not knowing what the fuck to do with various pains in the body, fear of suffering and death, unfullfillment of your desires; - Constant confusion on the counterintuitiveness of how much of lie we are living in, a.k.a., many hypocrisies we have to live in and we are ourselves projecting; - Desperation of not finding satisfaction in what you tought life was; - Fear of not fullfilling even the survival needs which leads to harsh circumstances, compared to your great visions, dreams and luxurious lusts; - Fear of accidents hapening in your life, car crashes, breaking of the limbs, cancers, e.c.t. somebody coming and stealing something or beating you up; - Living in anger, irritation, enimity, selective love, vengefulness, insecurity, projecting it to others and destroying your relationships left and right; - Spending your life in dulness, boredom, procrastination, fantasies which never come true, impossible greeds, having regret; - The dreadful, suffocating feeling of waking up; - Knowing you have to go trough a shitty day tomorrow; - The constant irritation of not wanting to face some events; - Seeing that any number of people seem to be doing so much more ok than you (Jelousy); - The suffering in spiritual seeking also, being manipulated, the pain of seeking and wanting the truth, the constant dread that you want to be happy in all times/actions but you just can't for some reason; - Fear of physical death, and being reborn again, just to go trough this uncertainty again and the same sea of suffering, just to seek the truth; - Continiously forgotting the solutions to your probems and going trough the same set of repetitions of problems, just to conclude they are impossible to solve (you can't change your addictions e.c.t.) e.c.t. So, knowing that you are much more than a mind and body, do you want to go trough this again? As pleasant as it can be sometimes, there is unpleasantness that you have to constantly face and figure, work around. I think it is the greatest mastery to choose to take another birth after a lifetime of spritual practice, people usually choose not to take another birth, as I have heard. Only the really commited people, like the incarnations and spritual masters and some of their disciples, that seems to be the practicality. Ignorant life is not a good news, no matter who you become and what you achieve and enjoy, it is a sea of suffering. Because all of that you will lose and if you decide to protect, you will not be always able to protect your assets, relationships, body, it will be a struggle, again you have to work around to not fall into depression and come out of the bad situation, or accept what has happened. After all, you don't need to look far how many people have become rotten by suffering. It is a tremendous compliment to you if you decide to keep incarinating and exploring this incredible universe and do the sadhana that very few people get to do, however, just one problem, the practicality of it. In some sense it is a feature of design that you can't leave your body at will anytime, then all of us would have left at some point. But! At some point, by some event, the doubt will come, the tought of I want to be free from all of this, I don't care will occour. Then your spiritual journey will start if you are not on it in a stage where you are sincerely doing some practice or inquiry. So, don't die in darkness, if you are already in a mindset that you want to be free and you would like this to be your last life, then just do some spiritual practice sincerely, connect to a master, feel their energy, and do their practices, that is the fastest way that I know of to grow. You can do by yourself also, but it will not be easy and you can almost forget about being productive in the world, because it will suck almost all your time, and anyway you will most likely come to some enlightened being, some spiritual master. Over time, this will take up your life, at least your free time, because you really want to be free. But where you are heading is beautiful, anyway you are heading there, but you would probably like for it to happen sooner than later. You don't want to go trough this again and again i think. I might be wrong, I really don't want to. I get what I do in this life regarding my life purpose, spiritual practice is the only priority for me being blissful is the only priority, I don't care that I might become a unaccomplished bum who doesn't do much in the world, doesn't have children or even an independant place. The grace and bliss is so much better, in many ways it is better than everything I can ask for. Cheers, have a nice day.

This is what happened to me during the 5 meo peak: As I was laying down with my eyes closed and my body was dissolving, I had this really really vivid fear that was showing me that I was a sort of heroin addict that assumed this substance and that now he’s in bliss because he overdosed and he is going to die. The fear also showed me that actually I’m deluded as fuck and I’m thinking that I’m doing this spiritually but I’m just a desperate addict that was so deluded with this whole spirituality thing that he overdosed on this “spiritual” substance to the point of death. now I don’t know if I explained that properly and if you understood it, because this sensation that I have before and ego death is really hard to articulate to me. And btw it happened to me even with lsd and also something similar to this happened with weed, it’s a recurring pattern of mine Why do you think I have this fear emerging in me? Do some of you experience something similar to this ? Do you think I have this fear due to all the cultural influences that I had ? Maybe because of films like “train spotting” and “ we children of Berlin zoo” Thank you for your responses

Indeed - Divine Bliss! Perhaps because you were too busy Being it❤

I am not sure how much I can surrender to the truth. And I don't know if it this can get even more deeper. What I just experienced was absolutely insane. There was some minutes where I was gone and I was in bliss. But then the peak was gone and I started seriously contemplating what has happened while still on the effects of the substance. I started having a conversation with myself as God. Seeing that I am all that exists and I am alone in my creation. This created me existencial terror and I started wondering how God bears this knowledge. I actually asked him God started showing me that he can bear being God by not having self-referential thoughts, in other words: being in non duality...which for God is actually creating a human and a universe and forgetting itself in that. A funny way to look at this dream is to picture it as a way for God to forget itself and ironically being in non duality! Lol. Seems fundamentally suffering comes from being in duality = having self referential / thoughts that create space between you and the thought. I asked him about the "do others exist?" question that my ego always has. And of course "do others exist?" Is a question that only make sense if I believe myself as real. So maybe I should stop making that question since I am not real. I will probably take a longer break to the next trip because I don't know how much I can bear of this.

How long does spiritual purification take? How long does thought attachment take? Examples...ego, ego backlash, I’m fucked up, my neurosis, I could become authentic (am not authentically me already), I could say that I am myself (already are thus it can’t be said), surfaces, identity, ego is robbing Happiness, you guys and your ego (not two), I could feel ok with a myself, problem, lack, self worth (you are not measurable), low self esteem (a thought & interpretation of yourself which doesn’t resonate but is believed anyways, thus missing you are yourself - not what the thought is about), that there is an I which could feel awesomeness (you = awesomeness). Why? Nothing’s wrong with you already. ? Inspect thoughts which feel like poop, rather than believing them about yourself thus misinterpreting feeling. Bring an end to the suffering. Motivation is thinking, it’s the avoidance of unwanted. Consider feeling - inspiration - the natural experience of focusing upon wanted and expanding this Love, that you are. The desire for hope is really un-checked thoughts of pessimism about your future. Thoughts which don’t resonate with the Being sought. Thoughts which can be let go, by no longer focusing upon them. Sounds boring, but actually liberates God.... Which Is this place, this reality, now. Without focus on a thought about myself, a past or a future, presence remains. Presence = contentment. The willingness to let go of what doesn’t resonate = being content with whatever is, right now, and only right now. Being non-condition focused, not-judging-anything focused, is contentment, which feels much better than pessimism. In the good feeling of contentment...perspective automatically changes. The source of perspectives is pure Goodness. Let a poop perspective go, God feeds you Goodness. You can not get it, or earn it. It’s unconditional and ever available, always. Which can rightfully be said to feel hopeful, which feels way better than contentment. In feeling hopeful, Good perspectives arise about your future, and you begin to believe them. You begin to feel optimistic. You begin to actually expect the future will unfold in a manor in accordance, in alignment, with how you feel. When you feel amazing, you’re un-mother-fucking-stoppable. And that is invigorating. That is knock-the-doors-off-this-place-nothing-can-stop-me awesomeness of you. That is passion. Before you now it, you start loving this whole “creating” “attracting” dealy. And that is joy. That is ‘why you came’. That is freedom. You are the creator of your reality. The tool for a creator is The Emotional Scale. After using it maybe, 10 to 20 times, the body mind does it on autopilot. “It” likes, and wants, the love & bliss too.

I have had quite few ayahuasca ceremonies, and im starting to suspect i might be addicted to these experiences, is it okay to be dependant of them to gain wisdom, love, bliss, peace and all the amazing qualities one could have.. Im really confused if i should stop taking medicine plants..(im not sure if i can do that even.. ). What do you think?

5-MEO DMT Trip Report First Time —> Nirvana Puking on Itself Dosage: ~20mg Bufo Admin: Smoke Hey guys, this is my first post on actualized and I just wanted to share my recent 5-MEO trip on Bufo. Warning: my language may be a bit abstract ;-) Pre-life Preoccupied with routine, taking care of endless tasks, perfectionism, feeling heavy laden. All I know is material. Maybe there is something more, maybe not. I don’t know, how can I know I have never experienced it. I listen to teachers, read words from wise beings. I intellectually get what they are saying but it might as well be meaningless. There is no resonation only a sense of “that sounds good.” Recently I became fixated on finding my Life Purpose. Choosing the one thing. Committing. In order to have some benevolent impact on the world. Because, that is what I was told. There was no real feeling of connection to this idea of purpose. Sure, there are things I like and would be good at but I was detached. Living life only on the surface. Give me a coffee, some good porn, sex, a friendly chat, a comedy, now there’s a little joy to get by. Preparation Let me read all the information I can get on the 5-MEO experience. I’ll read all the trip reports and watch Leo’s videos again. That will prepare me. And yes, I will create a preparation journal where I will list out all the possible things that could happen or sub conscious shadows that could arise so I will know how to deal with them. I will keep my thoughts pure, I will stop doing “bad” things to avoid having a bad trip. I will have long discourses with myself reviewing the pros and cons of the trip. What if I physically die? What if I’m attacked by demons? What if I end up loosing my mind? What if I’ll feel more loving afterward? ...Nonsense. Setting I decided to partake in a private traditional Bufo ceremony. It was with an energy worker/shamanic trained healer who I have been seeing for about 8 months. She felt this experience would help me to release trauma. For the entire week leading up to the ceremony I was waking up with intense anxiety and fear. Other than times when I was to go speak in front of others, this was some of the most intense fear I ever felt. I literally felt like as she was preparing the medicine that I was going to die. I felt sad. I felt dead. I felt FUCK IT. Trip She lit and held the pipe for me. Instructing me to breathe in slowly and steadily for as long as I could and then hold the smoke in. I breathed in for around 10 seconds and held for around 5-8 seconds. When I exhaled, a magnificent cloud of smoke filled what looked to be the entirety of the room. And then it began… Before my consciousness could have time to grasp the size of the cloud of smoke I just blew out, I found myself saying WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH while being gently rested back my guide. The WOOOOOOAAAAAHHHHH turned into what appeared to be a high pitched squeal and before I knew it I was tumbling down through an infinite kaleidoscope of regurgitating cluster fucks. It was as though I had been catipulted in the engine of the universe. Winding up and releasing to a cosmic vibration that resonated as a YA YA YAAAA YA YA, pulsating with GIBBERISH. This pulsation of gibberish shaking every fucking molecule of whatever it is that I was. It was just like some kind raw primordial energy of releasing gushers of infinite emotion all imploding and exploding simultaneously. Into Nirvana This kaleidoscope engine of regurgitating cluster fucks seemed to be gaining in power and speed. And it was as though IT was laughing at me as I was laughing IT.(I got a big smile on my face just now recalling). It was like I knew that IT knew that I knew that I was IT. In an instant moment of eternity, I sensed? (probably no word to describe this feeling) that every cell and molecule of my being was imploding on itself in a state of infinite cosmic flabbergastation. I was being maniacally ravished by the infinity of the universe as the sound of the cosmic symphony hyper blasted me to NOWHERE. Eternally EXHAUSTED, PUMMELED, DESTROYED. Nothing more to give. Nothing more to release. Nothing to hold onto, nothing to feel, NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING. I/IT then merged into a singularity which could only be described as Nirvana (although this label seems infinitely incapable of describing the experience). The ravishing stopped in a moment of eternity, and the I/IT energy expanded into the entirety of the universe. Infinite GLORY. Infinite POWER. Roaring out like an eternal primordial maniac of Pure LOVE and LIGHT filling out into the very fabric of space. I AM FUCKING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! whilst sensing the universe telling me this is what you have been wanting to know yes...? And then TAAAA DAAAAAA… Puke. Cut to opening scene. Rebirth A barf and a laugh. Face planted on the floor. What a great way to start the day. My guide was kindly placing paper towels by face and cleaning up my mess. How kind. Was I in one of those YouTube Videos where they put the camera on the ground and put speed on 2x. Like they are showing how to the clean floor or preparing a morning time breakfast. With light downtempo piano stock music playing in the background. Rays of sunshine shinning so charmingly on the hard wood floors. What a fucking joke! Every time a spit this beautiful lady (my guide) would come toward me on 2x speed to clean up my mess. I couldn’t get over the absurdity. I then felt, why not do it again!! Let me put all the blankets and pillows back in place, and press rewind. What madness! I then scratched that idea as my guide was shuffling around frantically trying to get me to lie down. Is it over? Who cares. How do I look? Like shit. Great. Pillow feels nice, let me put it on my face. Am I tired of the pillow on face. No, I like it. Ok, fuck this pillow. What the fuck!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *&^*&^^&RYGFGFUR&^RUFIUFV Mystical After rolling around in a pile of dumbfounded shinnanagations, I looked over at my guide. I noticed instantly the look on her face. The pain, the suffering, the sadness. There was this kind of dark mystical smoke around her. With every breath it was as though she was transmuting and releasing all the pent up negative emotional energy that I just expelled. Her face mutating from glorious to an old disheveled hag. Struck in awe, and gratitude for her being, I felt…BARF. Afterward “Well that was fun” were the first words spoken when I returned. I carefully strung them together before I actually said them. Seemed like a charming thing to say…The look on my guides face was one of concern for me and also for her home. Like you almost destroyed everything. O shit? Really. My bad. What happened? LMAO. It turns out, I actually was walking around violently and shouting loudly. I had no recollection… On the drive back home, I felt hungry. I could really go for something tasty I thought. I drove by In and Out burger. O, that sounds nice! But I’m a vegetarian and eat healthy. Maybe I’ll get their bread, lettuce, and tomato burger. I laughed. Isn’t that cute, I’m a vegetarian. Yes you are, your a good little vegetarian. Fuck you, I’ll have a cheese burger, fries, and coke. YUM YUM YUM YUMMMMMMM :-D Day After It is the day after as I write this post. I wasn’t able to sleep. I feel electrified..There is no fear. There are no limitations. I can visualize with pristine clarity. Infinite creativity. Any thought I have I can turn to a thing. No desire to journal, to meditate, to read, to do anything but just be. To pet and lie with my cats, to watch 4K nature programs, listen to beautiful music… THIS is bliss. And THIS is who I AM. %-D =) =/ =( => =< =-? Insights Like water colors on a canvas, just rinse, and paint something else Like an etch-a-sketch, just shake a start over Like a seemingly broken record, called life You think you get it, and then IT spits you out only to gobble you (IT) back up again A panting primordial beast exploding in a cosmic sea of infinite nothingness Every cell and molecule of being ejaculating on itself Tumbling through an infinite sea of cluster fucking kaleidoscopes regurgitating on themselves **Word of Caution** As Leo mentions, this substance has the potential to radically NUKE your entire life as you know it. If there is any preparation you could have in place it would be to possibly have some safety net of cash. Just in case you don’t want to go back to a job you’re not happy with. Be prepared to loose everything as you know it. Relationships, routines, wants/desires, EVERYTHING.

Because, as an animal, i naturally act in a toxic/unconscious manner and this brings suffering. Suffering. Bliss, yes, i want it. A chance to feel blissful.

@Leo Gura your advice in this thread seems to contradict the example of Joseph CAMPBELL WHO IS QUOTED IN THE LPC. Campbell had savings and a desire to study independently without any means of income, but by following his bliss he realized his purpose. Does this mean your views on this have since changed?

Experienced those same thoughts! Thoughts which are already appearing & disappearing, about perception which is already an appearance. Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. After enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water. - Buddha Nothing changes. You, do not change. Consciousness, does not change. No ‘thing’ is lost. What is actual is of course already what is actual. Change is not the actual challenge, change is illusory. The actual “challenge”, is siddhis, bliss, clairvoyance, etc. Imagine trying to type your reply now while in the middle of a fourteen hour organism. Wonderful, not a “problem” or “challenge” per se, yet, the challenge becomes “dialing it” down a bit. @Javfly33 ?

Day 12 - 27/01/2021 - 30 mins - Morning - Done - Good I Started Shamanic Breathing while listening following Tribal Drumming: https://youtu.be/BkzA_u9smXU After a few minutes while breathing I started to feel really cold. There was a lot of Tingling in my whole body. My arms & hands are totally numb, Tight, hard and I started to feel pain in my hands. My whole body started to become so hard that it felt like it’s made of stone. As soon as I stopped doing shamanic Breathing, I held the breath inside. I felt really deep peace & Healing. The feeling of the body transforms into just a few sensations, flowing energy and currents. My Mind & Body was filled with Bliss, Joy & Peace. I had earphones in my ears from the beginning so as soon as drumming music terminated while shamanic breathing, following music started playing automatically in my ears. (I didn't need to come out of the trance to play the music myself using my hands): https://youtu.be/ZdElzvGlZbo I achieved the automatic Music phenomena through the following android app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.muzical And it was an amazing experience to listen to music in that state of consciousness. In the end, I was very lightweight and was feeling healed.

So far no man has answered yes hahah. Which is to be expected. Everyone is like "It's amazing and magical and all, but no thanks" lol. To answer your question. I like being a girl very much, but I would want to be a guy just so I can experience the bliss of not ever worrying of being pregnant (when you don't plan to be ofc). That's the only reason.

This guy is a kriya yogi and knows breathing. His method of breathing to reach deep states of meditation has worked well for me,and I've tried various methods over the years. If you get the chance check out 4th Phase - Tranquil Breath:. It's worth getting. As far as yogic breathing(pranayama) goes, fill the belly first with the breath expanding the diaphram,and then up into the chest. So in one smoothe motion, breathe into the belly until it is expanded then on up into the chest. Breathing out,the chest drops first and then the belly draws in as you continue to exhale to completion. As you'll see in the vids. the exhale should be longer than the inhale, (say a 4 count inhalation, and a 6 or 7 count exhalation), this induces the heartrate resonance variability. In the 4th phase training above it goes into more detail of how and why it works and he adds info on how to do the bandhas(body locks) which really kick in the "bliss" phase of the breathing.

Day 11 - 26/01/2021 - 30 mins - Morning - Done - Good I Started Shamanic Breathing while listening following Tribal Drumming: https://youtu.be/BkzA_u9smXU After a few minutes while breathing I started to feel really cold. There was a lot of Tingling in my whole body. My arms & hands are totally numb, Tight, hard. My whole body started to become so hard that it felt like it’s made of stone. As soon as I stopped doing shamanic Breathing, I held the breath inside. I felt really calm, deep peace & Healing. The feeling of the body transforms into just a few sensations, flowing energy and currents. My Mind & Body was filled with Bliss, Joy & Peace. In the end, I was very lightweight and was feeling healed.

@No SelfThat has been my goal for a few months now. Whats driving me insane is that its technically possible that I can just become enlightened right now. Especially when I feel so close to getting there. Or when I feel a deep sense of bliss, but lose it a few seconds later.

So, let me do 3 completion technique examples today by writing out 3 experiences leading to incompletion and my course of action. Incompletion incident #1: i was around 9 years of age, staying at grandparents house. One evening he requested that I go outside and wash by using a bowl. So I went and did that. So after that I did wash myself quickly, it was very cold washing outside with cold water and when I finished I came inside the house and told my grandfather that I have washed myself. He said he didn't believe me and I kept saying to him that I did. He kept insisting that he didn't see me washing and then pulled his belt and threatened to spank me, so I got extremely upset and washed myself again and then came to the house and went to sleep. Now I am trying to remember how I was like when I was 9, what did I tought the world and life was e.c.t. for completion to work. First of all, all of a sudden - being forced out as a child to wash with a cold water, being almost lile threatened to do it. I felt frustrated that I have to go and do this so unexpected and felt so powerless that I have to follow his obedience. Feeling exposed and vulnurable to so much anger. I felt like my whole life is threathened. When I came back and washed and he threatened me because he didn't believe me. I felt frustrated that I can't do anything, that I got nobody by my back. I felt so confused and frightened that he is going to spank me. I felt paralyzed in fear, and it was so unfair what he did. Now I am going trough these visualisations of my memories as I am that 9 year old. Now only the feelings of powerlesness, fear, confusion remain as I am sitting with them, they slowly dissolve into bliss. Then there is a deep peace appearing and a wave of bliss troughout my whole being. Incompletion incident #2: My great grandmother died, my mom recieved a phone call, i was not very old also. I came and asked: "Whats the matter?" My mom was very shooked and she said that my great grandmother has died. I said that it is ok and tried to console her, as she gave me a slap in the face and I started crying and went away. Again, me at 8 years old and recieving a slap in my face - I felt hurt, violated, shook and confused, frustrated. I felt so shook, conflicted, guilty even for getting slapped. Inconpletion #3: In my kindergarten, two people conspired aginst me to trap me in the toilet room. When they pushed aginst the door as I tried to open it, I started crying. I was about 7. I felt violated, I felt powerless aginst two people. I felt being treated so unfairly, I was affraid they are going to do something to me or they are not going to release the door. I felt very much powerless and unable to act, do anything. I felt like they are my enemies, they did harm to me. I felt so angry at them, very much irritated. These 3 examples are from childhood, because they show a very clear contrast how to get to emotional layers of you. You need the same conditions as you remembered yourself, when you went trough the incident, only then deep untying happens, otherwise only defending intelectually happens, you have been doing that all your life with very little result, fears have not left you. Earliest memories also are good for striking at the root of the incompletion patterns. Going trough the same incompletions are very helpful as the purification gets deeper and every session will bring more and more depth and acctually more painful memories to work and expose/complete. Otherwise our whole lifes we are suffering something we have forgotten long time ago but the same emotional reactions are happening and getting stronger - then confusion gets stronger, parania gets stronger, guilt gets stronger, cunningness gets stronger and it destroyes your life. If you like, you are welcome to participate and try this completion technique out or pm me or whatever works for you. This is a further extension from samskara/samhara dahana kriya. Yes, this technique is a kriya. It will work with your energies as you do it. It is pretty unique than any other meditation techniques I have done. IMPORTANT: If you do, write the incidents and how you felt as much in detail as possible, that will help you to remember you how you were and the intensity of the feelings created by those events.

Day 10 - 25/01/2021 - 15 mins - Morning - Done - Good I Started Shamanic Breathing without listening to any music. After a few minutes while breathing I started to feel really cold. There was a lot of Tingling in my whole body. My arms & hands are totally numb, Tight, hard. My whole body started to become so hard that it felt like it’s made of stone. As soon as I stopped doing shamanic Breathing, I held the breath inside. I felt really deep peace & Healing. The feeling of the body transforms into just a few sensations, flowing energy and currents. My Mind & Body was filled with Bliss, Joy & Peace. In the end, I was very lightweight and was feeling healed.

@ciclonado From "I Am That", a compilation of dialogues with Sri Nisargadatta Q: What am I if not human? M: That which makes you think that you are a human is not human. It is but a dimensionless point of consciousness, a conscious nothing; all you can say about yourself is: ‘I am.’ You are pure being — awareness — bliss. To realize that is the end of all seeking. You come to it when you see all you think yourself to be as mere imagination and stand aloof in pure awareness of the transient as transient, imaginary as imaginary, unreal as unreal. It is not at all difficult, but detachment is needed. It is the clinging to the false that makes the true so difficult to see. Once you understand that the false needs time and what needs time is false, you are nearer the Reality, which is timeless, ever in the now. Eternity in time is mere repetitiveness, like the movement of a clock. It flows from the past into the future endlessly, an empty perpetuity. Reality is what makes the present so vital, so different from the past and future, which are merely mental. If you need time to achieve something, it must be false. The real is always with you; you need not wait to be what you are. Only you must not allow your mind to go out of yourself in search. When you want something, ask yourself: do I really need it? and if the answer is no, then just drop it. Q: Must I not be happy? I may not need a thing, yet if it can make me happy, should I not grasp it? M: Nothing can make you happier than you are. All search for happiness is misery and leads to more misery. The only happiness worth the name is the natural happiness of conscious being.

that's what my friend is doing right now. We had a trip together and he also realized the Truth, but he couldn't handle it. He is enjoying the illusion and doesn't want to deal with the Truth. "Ignorance is bliss". Sometimes I feel Love, but also I feel some kind of depression. My family, friends, people I love all of them trying so hard to live, to struggle, without realizing that all of this is just the illusion. Nothing is matters, only the present moment.

Day 09 - 24/01/2021 - 15 mins - Morning - Done - Good I Started Shamanic Breathing while listening following Tribal Drumming: https://youtu.be/BkzA_u9smXU After a few minutes while breathing I started to feel really cold. There was a lot of Tingling in my whole body. My arms & hands are totally numb, Tight, hard and I started to feel pain in my hands. My whole body started to become so hard that it felt like it’s made of stone. As soon as I stopped doing shamanic Breathing, I held the breath inside. I felt really deep peace & Healing. The feeling of the body transforms into just a few sensations, flowing energy and currents. My Mind & Body was filled with Bliss, Joy & Peace. I had earphones in my ears from the beginning so as soon as drumming music terminated while shamanic breathing, following music started playing automatically in my ears. (I didn't need to come out of the trance to play the music myself using my hands): https://youtu.be/ZdElzvGlZbo I achieved the automatic Music phenomena through the following android app: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.muzical And it was an amazing experience to listen to music in that state of consciousness.