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About kieranperez

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  • Birthday 05/10/1995

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  1. The Journey to My Life Purpose
    The Journey to My Life Purpose
    I am writing about this mainly because my intuition told me so - also because I have mentioned it and experimenting with methods of expressing myself is one of my goals. I resisted doing this for like 45 minutes so...
    It all began in November 2017 when I realized that I lack a vision for my life about which I wrote in this post:
    Fortunately, @Joseph Maynor commented on this post suggesting me to do life purpose work. Joseph, you provided me with resources and got me to explore my psyche, a huge thanks goes to you!
    In December I did VIA's strength assessment test and got my strengths figured out. I also went through Joseph's journal and started doing the exercises he did. They clarified some things but the one exercise that gave me the best results was Pavlina's (emotional intelligence) life purpose exercise.
    Essentially, you brainstorm life purpose ideas, try to find the ones that emotionally trigger you until you start crying typing/seeing one of them - that's your purpose. It is suggested to do this in one sit even though this will be one of the most frustrating exercises you will ever do in your life - not in my case. I started doing this exercise in January and skipped 2 months. Those 63 minutes I spent doing it January I already got some results. A quote from my commonplace book where I did the exercise:
    In February, I found my values using this technique (this will be important later) :

    In March, I continued doing the life purpose exercise and a remarkable thing happened. I was stuck between 2 purposes - making people authentic and ridding people of ignorance. I described the event in my post about discovering Infinite Intelligence - without which I would still be completely clueless:
    After this and getting hour-long "downloads" from Infinite Intelligence, I continued the exercise, the purpose I really ended it was "freeing people from impurities". Now, I need to make it clear (hehe) what purity means to me. What unites authenticity and understanding - my top 2 values - is that they rid people of things which covers up their true nature: inauthenticity and ignorance. I remember realizing this and whispering "Oh my fucking God!" over and in the dark at 1 AM. So I will use the following definition of pure in this post: "free from resistance and ignorance". Purity is what makes people more conscious; you can replace it God, consciousness, Truth, anything of that nature.
    On March 7th, my intuition told me to meditate for an hour - so I did. I haven't meditated in weeks so this made me appreciate the difficulty of work ahead of me to become pure. While I was meditating, my intuition said that I should do intuitive writing about my life purpose (heh, what a selfish bastard ), so that's what I did.
    I started writing at 0:30 AM. I wrote about how sharing of my purity and purifying by sharing are the parts of my purpose - one night I started crying when I visualizing my current closest life purpose (to become a force of purification out of raw purity of soul) and I wanted to capture that feeling - and I realized that this purpose is dualistic. I wrote out the requirements for my life purpose statement, wrote one down and I wanted to make it the most non-dual I could but the one who made it more and more non-dual wasn't me - it was Infinite Intelligence. My search finally ended at around 1:20 AM when I wrote down this purpose: "My life purpose is to let purity manifest in me and purify sentient beings."
    I was shocked when I discovered my purpose. How could the Universe give such a noble purpose? (@Charlotte, if you can call a purpose noble, this must be it ) I am essentially dying to Truth and let it heal the world.
    I am still in the process of integration and buying fully into it. Two more reasons for sharing this: one is providing resources and inspiration for those of you who haven't found their purpose and this puts a pressure on me to make this purpose a reality.
    Finally, I would tag @Nahm, @i am I AM and @cirkussmile because they might be interested.
    Thank you for reading this!

  2. How to Start Loving for Beginners
    How to Start Loving for Beginners
    I wanted to share this on the main forum from my journal. I hope you can find some wisdom in this that can help guide you to a deeper state of love, which I feel is foundational information for anyone into spirituality. Enjoy, use what is useful, discard what is not :
    The first thing I want you to know is that love, although the simplest practice in existence is also the hardest. It is simple because all you have to do is sit with your emotions. This is where I started, I aimed for about a minute of feeling a few times a day and kept going until feeling become apart of life. I remember when I first used statements in my head such as "You are beautiful" or "I love you dear one" because the man in me felt rather embarrassed. Embarrassment turns out to be, from experience, a way the ego falls apart, so be OK with embarrassment. Another strange phenomena started manifesting and this was, the more I said loving things and focused on that, the more dark thoughts and suppressed feelings from years of hiding them in addictive behaviors suddenly arose. I expected to feel more love, not anger  But that is the power of complimenting yourself etc. Compliments/loving words magnetically pull these emotions to the surface, as Gabe Salomon told me, and this blew my mind. This means we start with feeling first, then to speed up the healing of the karma/cellular debris  in our cells (gathered from our parents, social conditioning, and and past lifetimes) which are released in the form of emotions, we only focus on speaking love through our words (in and outside our head) and through our actions. Let's have a quick practical example! So my Mum and I were on the beach with my dog, and this man comes up to us and starts speaking loudly about how we must be blind to have not seen a no dog sign, and commanded us to leave the beach. It was the yelling which hurt my heart, which I interpreted as a lack of empathy for a fellow human being. I just said to him, against all of my ego, and where my own angry emotions were leading me,  in the most feminine voice a man could speak without getting looked strange at, "Thank you so much for telling us about that. Without you we wouldn't have known this important information that our dog is not allowed here. I'm sorry that we have bothered you in this way, have an amazing day man". Immediately we all felt better because the loving environment was created for the anger to leave our cells at record speeds, and for calmness to replace it like no other. The guy was shocked and began almost running away, because egos don't know how to respond to love  
    This leads me to another amazing cornerstone of loving whatever arises: the stronger the emotion you love, the more healing takes place. And usually the emotions is so strong that your thoughts will distract you from knowing it is there, so a pro tip is whenever you have lots of thoughts feel into your heart and intestinal region and if it's strong, love the crap out of it. In addition, setting the intention to love something so much that it explodes into a million universes of abundance (or whatever word you like) sets you up for success. And a key is before starting any activity for our love beginners, set an intention for it to go well, especially in meditation does it help to call all of your spirit guides, God, your guardian angels; and your past, present and future loved ones to assist you in being absolutely present minded, for sleep too I have woken up after 5 and a half hours sleep feeling great after intending for it to be deeply healing for my muscles and mind, so play around with that too. 
    So where to start from here? If you're interested in enlightenment, or are wanting the most trans formative and foundational practice I have personally found, begin to stay with an emotion for 10 seconds once, twice and as many times as you can throughout the day, and slowly working our way up to a minute or so, and starting to say beautiful things (the more embarrassing the better) to yourself and other. People can only meet you as deeply as you meet yourself, so if you don't understand yourself, others won't be able to understand you for in both cases you are the receiver. The truth is we have placed much of our attention on finally getting that external validation from another human beings which means that you are not ready for it, because you can't even receive it. And God purposefully doesn't give you external love because he doesn't want you living in an illusion of complacency, he wants you to turn inwards, wake the fuck up, and finally realize that only you can give yourself the things you want from other people. You are life's eternal liberator, you are God, so start living like one and send blessings left right and center like a benevolent God would!
    I say this because we always do this on a subconscious level from the years of conditioning which shaped our world view, and now every experience is filtered through that world view to give it meaning (and the default one is biased towards giving anything a negative meaning). So what we are doing by saying "I love you" to anything, especially if you don't like it, is physically rewiring your brain, because you are now creating a new default world view filled with love consciously that will eventually become subconscious. Scientifically, changing our world view triggers the pain receptors in our brains, that's how you know you are rewiring your subconscious mind. In addition, pain is how emotions are released out of our cells that we have left in the darkest corners of our bodies because we were so afraid to face that discomfort, but I want to tell you, that the discomfort is really your liberator. The pain of feeling an emotion leaving also removes all thoughts or traumatic experiences linked to that specific emotion and transforms it into neutrality/light/love where it no longer triggers you emotionally. SO thoughts trigger us emotionally, that's interesting? If thoughts are just like physical reality, wouldn't that mean that physical reality could also be triggering karmic emotions in my cellular memory linked to an conditioned experience I had where I ran away from that innocent emotion? And what if the experiences in physical reality that trigger these emotions are not driven by mechanical subatomic particles, but by a divine force that science has yet to realize, which is only serving in our highest favor for us as human beings to raise our default vibration to where heaven exists all of the time, instead of in a few seconds doses of dopamine I get from checking my social media etc? Doesn't that sound something worth pursuing if it would take only a few weeks of constant "I love you's" in your head to free yourself of your ego, and so with it, any need for anything to externally fulfill you, which makes you into your most authentic self, where you can feel understood by even a burst of air, and live without any conditioned childhood blockages that may have stopped you from living your highest excitement/passion? Or shall I sell myself to my own thoughts and feelings, and get lost in them, instead of loving them for helping me grow, and die without ever experiencing the  deepest intimacy and joy everyone wants? When will you stop searching for happiness, and just be your own infinite source of happiness?
    What is your answer to these? Do you feel excited in your heart region? If so, that's confirmation that this is true, and is what your body wants you to give it as an ongoing present, in return for it giving you existence. Every emotion is but an innocent 5 year old child in pain, and it wants you to sit with it, hold it, and not run out of the house or put it in a cold, hard cell again. Just like a 5 year old child, the emotion will never give up on your love, and will only come back stronger until you sit with it. I mean the same emotion from when you are 10 years old could be the same emotion when you are 60 years old that you've not looked at because of the pain, but as we've discussed the pain is the deepest sign of healing. With time, once you clear all karmic emotions as every single human being will do in this planet either in this lifetime but most likely another, will enlightenment arrive, and the kundalini energy flow because all emotional blockages are gone. This is the deeper reason we are here on this planet, the circumstances don't matter, but the meaning we give them does. This means you don't have to do anything about your circumstances, because love will attract the circumstances you want in your life through "opportunities" and your job is to see these opportunities and follow them. This is quite advanced, but you know that an opportunity of this nature has been divinely brought to you when you feel excitement in your heart when you think of following it, so do just that; there's no need to be afraid of what happens if you do it because you choose how that experience is for you. Embarrassing yourself publicly can finally be seen as a gift!
    One final word on Karma. The circumstances that come your way in each moment, are karmic to begin with, so be prepared. One such circumstance happened almost a year ago. I was with a beautiful, and kind-hearted person in June last year and had never felt so deep with another anyone in my life. The universe had other plans, and we left each other not long after. The sheer amount of emotions having  party in my body was so painful that I shut down, and started to lose all focus at school, grades plummeting, and the world falling apart. It took me months until I decided to look at these emotions of rejection,and sadness because the pain of not feeling them was becoming greater; the child-like emotions were starting to use extreme methods to get my attention lets just say! And so the deepest healing of my life occurred, and I'm grateful it happened, and scared at the same time that if that was only a tiny amount of karma, imagine the full dose! Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is love. Be love, cherish your experiences, follow what excites you, and be OK with pain. 
    Thank you all for your time, and for sharing this space with me. You are more worthy and deserving than you know. This process can be long or short depending on your ability to love. This is all of human suffering explained, and the beginning of a new life for some. Take this perspective with you and it will serve you well <3

  3. The Count - Concentration Practice Method
    The Count - Concentration Practice Method
    As Leo pointed out so thoroughly in his recent video, Concentration is a key skill to develop for those on the path of actualization or at all interested in consciousness work. It produces a positive feedback loop in relation to other mental exercises and is one of the most practical attributes to have at one's disposal in his daily life. I was reflecting on the role of concentration and the methods that Leo offered in order to hone this skill, and I came to realize that one of my own approaches is extremely effective in the pursuit of greater focus.
    This is a technique I developed some time ago. The intent was to essentially 'force' a meditative state, for situations when for whatever reason my usual methods were frustrated. (Altered state of consciousness, high levels or restlessness or exhaustion, inability to sleep, etc) But the effects turned out to be much different - there is a good deal of mental fatigue during the process, but afterwords I felt a very powerful release, a bump of energy and general mood similar to how I felt after completing a long meditation session early on in my journey. I have been doing this in place of my regular meditation practice on occasion, aware of progress being made but also of how different it is than traditional methods. Only recently have I begun to realize that it is much more in line with the concentration practice Leo recommends; it is a tool to be used in conjunction with meditation rather than in place of it. They work together.
    I've heard a proponent of Vipassana talk about taming the monkey mind. He said that the proper method was to give the monkey mind a job - namely, to watch the breathing. Whatever happens, as long as you are conscious of the breath - it is okay. This is a good method and time honored, but remember my technique was meant for times of greatest mental turbulence, when the chatter is so loud it can hardly be ignored. How easily your notice of the breath falls away in these situations. When the monkey mind is running wild, it will very quickly drop it's attention of breathing before you even notice it, because that process is essentially on autopilot anyways. No, for this method our job must be something a little purposeful: counting. 
    I had this habit as a child of challenging myself to count as high as I could, when numbers were still magical to me. But this method isn't a simple breezing over of the number line conceptually - each integer must be noticed and carefully considered, skipping nothing. 
    The method is this, 
    Situate yourself in a comfortable position, in a quiet area. Your usual place of meditation will work just fine for this.
    Close your eyes.
    Begin counting, beginning at 1 (or 0 if you're like me and are more comfortable in a zero-index universe)
    For each number you need to accomplish three things. 
    1. Think of the number - your conception of it. 
    2. See the number. You must visually see the image of the number you are on to move on. It doesn't matter how they appear to you, what color the text is in or what the background is like, or what font the numbers appear in. In fact you will notice all of these things changing of their own volition as you continue and your mind struggles to keep up. You just need to concretely and accurately see the digits of your current numbers.
    3. Hear the name of the number. You need to say what it is inside of your head. You can use the common name ("one hundred fifty-seven"), or pronounce the sound of each digit non-verbally in sequence. ("one, five, seven")
    4. Move on to the next number.
    This sounds like an extraordinarily simple technique, and in a way it is. But I think you might surprised at how difficult it can become, especially in longer sessions. Sure, the first few numbers will fly by very quickly. It will probably take you less than a second for each one. But the difficulty increases as the numbers become longer and less familiar to you, and it takes all of your focus to know, form, and say the next one. There will be mental fatigue involved with this process. But remember, it's a workout - no pain, no gain.
    Some things I like about this method:
    Dynamic Concentration. This technique requires the whole of ones focus, but the object of that focus is always changing and is by definition, fresh and new. This makes it slightly easier for the mind to hold onto and not grow bored of as quickly. This is in contrast to the static concentration methods that Leo introduced to us - lingering on one thing for the whole time period. Those methods are extremely useful, but they are less engaging and don't provide any feedback. Also realize that everything in this world is ephemeral and constantly shifting. Anytime you need to activate and hold your focus in your day to day life, it won't be on something timeless and unchanging.
    Self-Correcting. When doing Vipassana or a static concentration technique, it is often the case that you lose focus or begin maintaining a lower quality of focus without even realizing it until later on. We've all had moments in meditation where we become wrapped up in stories and our discipline breaks, and we aren't aware of the lapse until several moments have passed. With this technique, the Count is everything. If you lose focus or your discipline begins to wane you will notice IMMEDIATELY. There will be no delay, because without your entire focus your mind will be unable to conjure up and hold the next number, it won't know what to say or show or do, and you will instantly become aware that progress has stopped and your attention will be brought back to the technique. And if you find yourself unable to remember what number you did correctly last, there is nothing to do for it but to push yourself back a ways or to start over entirely. This may cause you some frustration at first but it is in fact a really powerful tool to watch when, how and how often your mind wanders and loses focus because of the responsive nature of the count.
    Mental Fortitude. If you do this technique for long enough, you will begin to experience mental fatigue and it will become difficult to keep up. But this is how you know that you are pushing your mental wherewithal - that you're pushing your limits! Not to mention when you complete the session the feeling of relief and joy is palpable. You will eventually notice that tasks that might have been mentally taxing to you before becoming much more manageable as time goes on. 
    This method has the feeling of a cardio workout. Sometimes you start feeling the burn a little earlier on, but once you're running for long enough it actually begins to feel weird to stop. Just anecdotally, my first time with this technique I only endeavored to spend a few minutes counting up to 500 - I ended up only being able to stop myself at the nice satisfying number of 1111. I didn't have a timer going this time but it was easily 25 minutes as I had been struggling and forcing each entry for several hundred numbers when I stopped. 
    Optional Continuity. When you finish your session, simply write down the number you stopped at and pick it up from there next time. This ensures that each session is by definition new, and it also fosters a real sense of progress when you can see how far you've counted from the very beginning. Just make sure you don't make that the goal to the point that you neglect to thoroughly focus on the properties of each number as the technique requires. The difficulty will be always increasing, but slowly. For each additional digit you have to keep track of, you will have 10 times the amount of entries, and it will probably take you more than 10 times as long; it takes longer and longer to accurately form and say each number as they become larger.
    That's all there is to it! I know this post has been rather long, I just wanted to be thorough. YMMV, but I find this to be a really effective tool for developing focus and concentration. Not to mention how much more comfortable it makes you with numbers! 
    I would love to hear feedback on how the method might be improved, or how it works for anyone who gives it a shot. 

  4. Emotional Healing/shadow Work - The How To Guide
    Emotional Healing/shadow Work - The How To Guide
    It seems like I cannot edit the post anymore, if a moderator sees this, could you add the following text into the original post? Thanks <3

    Affirmations and how to use them!
    Affirmations are a great tool. However in my opinion quite misunderstood. 
    Focus on the feeling state of your body/mind whilst doing the affirmation rather than the words themselvs.
    In the end, language is just a construct. A summ of sounds. Language itself has no power, just like thought doesn't have any power within of it self. It is the emotion or the energy behind it. Words signify certain qualities to us, for everyone something else. 
    Affirmation I am worthy can have the absolutely same effect as an affirmation of I am a blue dolphin from potato land.
    It is the quality of your emotional state that the affirmation represents that is important.
    So go nuts! Get creative, say beautiful things to yourself that make your soul smile!
    Just for inspiration I'll give you my favourites.
    I am light. I am love. I am infinite. I am divine. I am beyond foreverness and after endlessness.  I am!
    Situations when to use them?
    Again get creative.
    Suggestions tho
    As a reminder in the morning. In stressful situations. While going through catharsis. When feeling under the weather. and whenever you find fit.
    - number of repetitions or intensity is solely up to you. Again follow the principle of what feels good in the moment. 
    Using your imagination
    This is my favorite part. Healing your inner child through imagination. This is where you can go nuts and fucking sky is the limit. This is the fun shit!
    And a very very easy principle so listen up.
    Every time you manage to tune into your inner child to feel some of its emotional needs, visualize whatever comes to mind to fulfill those needs, and build yourself a world in your head of people and circumstances that are absolutely ridiculously amazing.
    Bathing yourself in light and love Creating whatever guardian figure to hold you (or your inner child, depending whether you choose a separate perspective or not. (I used to use Obama a lot =D) Being in beautiful places Being praised by everyone Being cheered on by everyone Drinking healing water  Releasing your emotions as demons from your body Conversations with people who have hurt you in the past with the intention of closure or forgiveness and again... go nuts, sky is the limit <3  

  5. Emotional Healing/shadow Work - The How To Guide
    Emotional Healing/shadow Work - The How To Guide
    Shadow work
    First, let me start with a little motivation.
    Why should I care about emotional healing? What is there for me to get?
    Well, how about unconditional happiness, and wellbeing, much clearer communication, emotional awareness in social situations, and many more things you can't even fathom?
    Just to compare it with a self-liberated state - it is different from detachment in my understanding. Liberation will detach you from the duality of life. Through emotional healing, you can move from the bottom of the emotional spectrum, all the way from depression to bliss.

    So yeah, buckle up, and enjoy.

    The emotional spectrum
    In essence, there is only one emotional scale, in the lower part there are emotions such as sadness, anxiety, pain, loneliness,... and on the upper half you get the "good shit" - joy, love, glowing, warmth...
    So there is not really a need to identify every emotion such as "depression, sorrow, anxiety...". You can! but It is not a requirement. 
    All you need to do, every time you are feeling an emotion, is to ask yourself: Is this emotion moving me in the direction of bliss, or depression?
    That is all the "EQ" you need.
    Claims I am making in this guide that need to be understood.
    1. Majority of your subconscious mind = Your body and your nervous system, including cellular memory.
    2. Every emotion that is released in one moment, can never come back to haunt your life again. At least in the same limiting and painful fashion.
    How do thoughts fit into the shadow-work/healing paradigm? Well you can imagine thoughts being this endless stream of water in your head. RIVER, that's the word! =D.
    And your emotions are either a factory that is pouring in toxic waste and polluting the beautiful crystal clear water, OR a light, that is giving the water healing powers. 
    Now I don't know how about you, but I will always pick Light over Toxic waste. Of course if you don't then this topic might not be for you :-p.

    Beliefs (especially negative/limiting/lack beliefs).
    Belief = a repetitive thought that is a manifestation of an underlying emotional/energetical cause. 
    Later on I will try to guide you how to take on, and release negative core beliefs.
    Essential requirement for emotional healing
    FBO!! - Full Body Awareness

    Now what da heell u talkin about?????
    Full body awareness is simply your attention  no longer residing only in your head on your thoughts, and outside of you, but also in your body. It is the essential mindfulness skill. You can develop this quite easily through meditation, doing body-scans whenever you remember (A great tip is to set a reminder on your phone for every hour of your day, and every time it rings, you just run a quick awareness scan of your body and your feelings).

    For healing to be effective IT HAS TO BECOME your number one priority in life. This allows you utilize every time you get triggered, and get the most out of ordinary every-day situations. And if it isn't clear already, THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT YOU COULD EVER DO IN TERMS OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT AND FROM A CERTAIN ANGLE ON YOUR PATH TO LIBERATION. 

    How do I get to feel good all the time?
    So you wanna feel good? Well you are not the only one, and YES YOU CAN! Don't listen to the people who say "ooh well life isn't all rainbow and unicorns." You can literally choose that reality for yourself. You can feel great, ALL THE TIME.
    Total and absolute self-love. 
    This should be done on two levels.
    1. You create something I like to call Meta acceptance. That means total and absolute acceptance of yourself in all situations. Practically this means, that whenever you are feeling down, you can accept yourself without judgement, whenever you screw up, you choose to accept yourself, but that doesn't end there. If you screw up, and beat yourself up, you choose to accept your beating yourself up! See why "meta"? <3.
    The self-acceptance chain runs a little like this:
    You find yourself in a emotionally disturbed state. Your thoughts are among the lines of "I am not good enough". >> "Oh stop, don't think of yourself like that!".
    The way you apply meta acceptance is - First accept the thought of "Oh stop, don't think of yourself like that". (If you want something a little tangible for acceptance you can mentally hug the thought.), and once that thought is dealt with, you move onto the other thought of I am not good enough. And you accept that.
    2. Acceptance of your body and feelings. - Leo's visualisation works perfectly for this stage of self-love.
    Basically what needs to happen is the activation of your heart-center and then spreading the "love feeling" to the rest of your body. 

    Why should one love himself? Because he is already perfect. He is always the most exact expression of god that he chose to express in the moment. The most perfect and beautiful creation, that has never ever existed before, and never will after. A complete, blissful perfection in the eyes of The one. Side note - self-love is a skill, that will grow and fluctuate throughout your journey. That is natural and nothing to be alarmed of.
    Hammer it down with a visualization!
    Healing is in essence an inaccurate concept. There is nothing wrong with the "unhealed" one. When you decide to take up on healing, you are choosing a different perception, different quality and embodiment of life, and different energetical configuration of your being. It is not better, nor worse, that is why we choose our suffering, as well as we choose our bliss. We choose healing because DAMN IT FELS GOOD! (And from that standpoint only can you make an argument that the "healed" state is a better one, because it is in the direction of your intuition, which is nothing else but following what feels good).

    So every day, you choose to step more into the reality of a better feeling energetical state. Into the blissfulness of being.
    Let's assume that there is such you that is fully healed, fully recovered, fully on the bliss side of the emotional spectrum. The you that is passionate, alive, joyful, fearless.
    How exactly does the embodiment of these qualities (or any other of your choice) feel?
    How does it feel in your body? What kinds of thoughts are you having? What kinds of people do you hang out with? What is your financial situation? What is your family and relationship situation? What does it look like when you communicate with others? What kind of job, or what kind of person are you in a job? How assertive are you? How responsible and sensitive are you? And so on...

    Use the miracle that is your imagination, visualize that you are already embodying every single quality you desire to embody. Imagine that you are blissful, joyful and peaceful. 
    Every single day, whenever you remember, just imagine this YOU! This YOU that you know you came here to be, and imagine that you are ALREADY living that paradigm.
    This allows you to stay motivated, make it number one priority, and will have a healing effect within of itself. 
    And through the visualization - Allow yourself to raise your standards. Give yourself permission, that you truly deserve to feel amazing. You truly deserve to have an amazing life, you truly deserve to be the one you know you came here to be. Through visualization, you create an end-version of yourself. This will allow you to use all the necessary means to get you there. It is the end-result that inspires means.


    Breath-work is an essential part of the healing process. It allows integration and gets the suppressed emotional energy in your body moving.
    Pranic breathing/visualization - An exercise to be used whenever you feel an emotional trigger in your body. This usually happens in the stomach and abdomen area, but not exclusively.
    1. Close your eyes, and make yourself aware of all the feelings in your body. Identify everything you choose to work on in the moment, anything unpleasant or limiting.
    2. On a count of 6, take a deep breath INTO YOUR TUMMY!!!!!! while visualizing All the emotions rising up!
    3. On a count of 6, hold onto everything you have been meaning to rise up while holding your breath.
    4. On a count of 6, breathe out, while letting go of everything you have been holding onto. Then hold your breath for 3 seconds, and breathe normally for a little while (doesn't need to be more than 2-3 breaths).
    5. Repeat the whole process until it feels redundant. I highly recommend doing this practice daily.
    Sidenote: It helps if you calm your mind before the exercise through any means you find fit. 
      The Wim-Hof Breathing technique
    This is for an advanced stage of already initiated healing. I do not recommend this exercise for the initiation of the healing process. If you feel that it resonates with you and fits your needs, then by all means use it any time you deem appropriate.
    1. Breathe in the full capacity of your lungs, and breathe out instantly. Repeat the whole process 25-30 times, until your head feels a little dizzy.
    2. Breathe out your last breath from the previous step and hold your breath for as long as it feels comfortable.
    3. Go back to n.1 and do the whole cycle again. Repeat for at least 3-5 times.   
    This is a very simple but crucial part. Get yourself into a habit of making choices based on what feels good in your body, and you can turn your whole life into healing, making the process much quicker, and more intuitive.
    IN ex. you wake up, you do your morning routine, and you don't know what to do next. Move your awareness into your body, and ask yourself "what would feel the best to do next?". There might be answers such as drink a glass of water, have sex, go for a walk, masturbate, go socialize, etc.
    This can at times get tricky, and that is when we are presented between a dilemma of Egoic vs. Authentic choice. Imagine that you are in a restaurant, and you can either choose to eat a cake or a salad. Now there are instances, where eating the cake would actually be an authentic choice. It is completely fine. But let's say you are trying to shed some weight, and naturally eating a cake would feel good! Right?! Well Then follow this principle. Will it also feel good 5-30 minutes after I made the choice? (eaten the cake..),
    And heureca. A simple guidance system to navigate your whole fucking life, to get yourself asap to your highest alignment.

    How to deal with negative/lack beliefs

    First a quick guide to make yourself aware of your limiting beliefs - Let's say there is something that disturbes you. Maybe your spouse doesn't text back and you feel bad about it. So you calm your body and mind, and start enquiring within. 
    Why am I feeling bad about this?
    >> It feels like they don't love me.
    If that is true, why is that so bad?
    >> Because with no love my life is meaningless.
    If that is true why is that so bad?
    >> Because that would mean I am not good enough.
    If that is true why is it so bad?
    >> I am not good enough
    This was just an illustration, your enquiring process will probably be much longer and have perhaps several dozens of questions, you might check out Katie Byron's process that she calls The Work.
    So you've got this belief that you perceive as limiting, and decided to do something about it. Great!!! ADMIT DEFEAT.
    You cannot win over a belief in your subconscious from the stand-point of This is not true! I will fight this! Because in essence, your subconscious has so much more power than your conscious mind. You can't override it with brute force. So admit defeat. The belief is there. You do not believe you are good enough.
    After admitting the defeat there should be (there may be exceptions so don't take this as a rule or confirmation of "I am doing it right") a sense of relief. Because you have been running from this belief your entire life, trying to prove it wrong. But now, when you admit defeat, there is no longer the need to accomplish anything in order to escape from the belief. There is acceptance. There is a little more peace.

    Now when you are aware of your thought of "I am not good enough", trace the thought back into your body. Close your eyes, and follow the trail of your emotions. How does that thought make you feel? What are the underlying emotions behind this belief? This might take a while to take an effect, but sooner or later, you should arrive at an emotion that can be worked with.
    AND THAT is when your breathing exercises kick in.

    What should follow is a lot of release of unconscious emotions. Your most cathartic moments are the ones when you are overwhelmed with emotions. 
    List of cathartic actions/events/situations
    Journaling and writing down thoughts in free association Tingeling or weird sensations in the body Speaking in tongues CRYING shouting outbursts of anger panic attacks unexplainable fear obsessive thinking unvolutary body movements strong urges (such as you have a strong urge to do something, or bark, or run,...) puking diarhea hyper horniness hyper sensitivity feelings of love feelings of resentment feeligns of disgust feelings of victimhood halucinations feeling sick feelings of stiffness and many many more :o) Desire
    Desire. Ooh Isn't this one the favourite for the "spiritual folks" to pick on! =D.
    AAH  #NOMIIIND #BUDDHA #SoEnlightenedRnLikeOmg

    The belief in lack is the source of all suffering.
    - Bentinho Massaro

    What do you make of this one?
    The belief in lack is the cause of all suffering.
    Is that clear? Like... do you understand how deep this goes?
    When you are born, you don't really believe in that much of lack do you?
    You prolly don't believe that you lack money as a kiddo. You probably don't believe that you lack sex, or that you lack comfort (ok debatable). But surely not as many things as you seem to be lacking now.
    Desire is the driving force behind all action. Without desire the universe would literally could not exist. What's the problem then?
    Lack based desire vs. Inspiration based desire.
    All of suffering is an illusion, because it is based on lack. Which IS an illusion. You can never truly lack anything.
    If lack were real, happiness would not be a possible state of mind. I can prove this to you! Lack is truly an extremely illusory state of consciousness.
    Right now, 
    as you are sitting behind your computer screen!
    Are you lacking a big shiny red apple in your hand?!
    But it is not there? (unless this is a fucking huge coincidence in which case Im highfiving you)
    So how can you not lack it? If it is NOT THERE!
    Well you don't... probably. You are not in a "state of lack of the big red shiny apple" that would be driving you crazy.

    So how come you can lack anything else? Like money? Or love? Or anything what so ever?
    Can you see the illusory state of mind?
    Lack cannot possibly rationally ultimately exist. 
    Desire is OK!
    There is nothing bad/wrong/untrue about desire. The trick comes in distinguishing lack based desires and inspiration desires. 
    To be fair, as of now, most of your desires are probably going to be lack-based. And that is fine. It is a great tool for growth and healing.

    How to exploit desires for growth

    1. Every time you feel bad about a situation, ask yourself "What must I believe that I lack right now?"
    And realize that it is a one big lie. You cannot lack anything. And even if you did lack something, wouldn't the most logical thing to do be just straight up getting the thing you think you lack? Instead of reminiscing and feeling bad about it?
    Find out what you perceive you lack (let's use the example of companionship) "I believe I lack companionship." If it were true, that I truly lack companionship, what would be the most logical course of action? >> Go out and talk to people Ok great why don't you do it? Looads of self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours probably will kick in. >> I don't wanna go out, people don't like me, I am shy, I am introverted, I can't make friends, I don't know anyone, I am a loser etc. See how the perceived lack was what created the suffering? It wasn't the desire itself. It was the belief that you lack companionship. 2. Every time you desire something, even when it is based on lack, follow it. Do NOT SUPPRESS YOUR DESIRES. That will truly result only in self-sabotaging and self destructive behaviours that will lead to more emotional issues down the road.
    Every time we desire, we don't in actuality desire the object of our desire. We desire the feeling of having the object.
    If I want a car, I don't actually want that car. What I truly on a deeper level want, is a state of freedom, or worthiness, or security,...
    Can you activate that feeling of already having that car within your being, WITHOUT actually having the car?
    Yes you can!
    Visualize, breath-work, mindfulness, breath-work. 
    What does it feel like to have that car? What are the sensations in my body?
    What kinds of thoughts are coming up now when I have it?
    What is between me, and the feeling of having the car?
    Is it the feeling of "I am not good enough"? Or the thought of "I am not worthy"?
    Once you arrive at a conclusion, healing can start, lack can be purified, and desire will be used to it's maximum to grow you, and to teach you your lesson.
    side note: You can motivate yourself through realizing that once you get yourself into a state of mind where you "already have that thing you desire" without lacking it, it will be SO MUCH MORE EASIER EFFORTLESS AND FLOWING to get that thing in the external reality, that it really doesn't make any sense at all to keep believing in lack.


  6. Relationship Break Up Through Concious Work.
    Relationship Break Up Through Concious Work.
    I'd really appreciate any type of support, words of encouragement or advice about this as it's really tearing me apart inside.
    I have been so lucky to have met this wonderful woman for about 3 years and through her help i have been able to make some huge steps that i don't know if i would have been able to do on my own. I was living with my parents, my father had an undiagnosed mental condition, extreme anger issues and my mother has bipolar. So it was a rocky environment that through it all i found myself sedating myself on opiates and sleeping on the wood planks that your mattress lays on at night. Made no difference to me, i was out. 
    So we met online and she was 33 and i 29.  I wanted a partner and despite my descriptions of my life which was a mess i did have somethings figured out that she was looking for. Like emotional intelligence, compassion and i had a stable income as i own my own business as a tradie. After conversing the other night thought it seems she had met a few people and the qualifications they had financially was CEO type stuff so it hurts to think that maybe there was someone else she could have chosen that would have given her exactly what she wanted. Instead she chose me and has to live with the consequences. I am drowning in guilt. 
     She was clear at the start, she wanted kids and marriage and wanted it in a few years as the biological clock was ticking if i didn't agree then she said there was no point in continuing this so i agreed as i genuinely wanted to be with her and i genuinely believed that 2 years was enough time and i'd be a different person by then.
    Moving to the beginning of this year, i had bought the ring and was set to propose this year as discussed and be married next year and have kids the year after.  This year i ramped up my efforts to quitting where she has been super supportive of me in my efforts to quit and whilst not completely out of it i am on a very low dose of subutex and am stable. Although i couldn't just stop doing drugs as this was a byproduct of the thoughts and idea's that my awareness was and is attached to, acting out in this way. So through practicing meditation daily (apart from the last few days), smoking bud which i have found to be the most useful tool for self inquiry.
    Allowing me to go extremely deep into the ocean of my own subconscious. I become a rabbit effectively and start burrowing holes into my psyche, sometimes i get scared and just like alice in wonderland i look for ways out but everywhere are obstacles i am afraid of. I realise I'm running away and just stay with it. Very cathartic and really allows me to penetrate my barriers and be with the emotions that dictate my life. Also the occasional mushroom trip every couple of months. Through these processes it has become painful to discover that the values that are beginning to crystalise in me, are different to hers. 
    Like telling her that there is value in letting go, she doesn't really get it. The next day, rinse and repeat the same problem which is frantically delivered and it is a stressful state she's holding her head and i think. Why are you doing this? I try to help but she has made up her mind.
    All this was very eye opening. Which is what led me to feel that this relationship was based on heavy obligation. I was doing this out of ought to for her sake and not mine and as a consequence I am drowning in guilt as i am undoubtedly responsible for wasting 3 years of her life. I see how different our views on living life are. 
    I talk about liberating yourself from the fears of the future and the shackles of the past, the pain that holds you back and limits you in life. That is my goal. Hers is marriage and kids. She will do something that i will try to help her with and she's only interested in the bandaid solution of talking it out. Not inquiring the nature of worry or why you worry. So it's this never ending cycle that i want her to see it like i do and that would make things so much easier. 
    Committing is a problem but not THE problem. I have desperately tried talking, conveying these things to her in the nature of the self and suffering and it's temporary nature. How the concepts we hold dear are reflections/representations of the actual things we held dear that are cloaked in "memory". Talking about the absurdity of it all and to her credit. She will listen and converse and for what it's worth i have sharpened my tongue with her. However none of it matters as she still holds the same mantra and it's becoming increasingly apparent that our modes of existence aren't for each other and it is killing us both. I started this with a real commitment to her, this was IT. I was going to make good on myself and her and it gave me great joy that i was her answer to life. 
    She measures herself and her success in life to the marriage and kids parameter that most people abide to including her friends and things not going the way she wants is having a really negative effect on her and it's something that i consider staying just so she and I won't have to go through this. 
    Fucking awakenings.
    I've heard about "spiritual kick backs" spoken by leo/allan watts and maybe this is it. My ego kicking back in anyway imaginable, as i have really no desire to meditate any more. It just seems to uncomfortable. I kind of want to stay in my shell, of what i know. 

  7. Beware of Dropping All "Low Conscious" Friends
    Beware of Dropping All "Low Conscious" Friends
    You should definitely be willing to just kick back and watch a football game and drink a few beers.
    When an enlightened bud comes to town, we go to the strip club. Enlightenment isn't about being ultra spiritual. Ultra spiritual is how you should be on your hardcore meditation retreats. But in everyday life you want to kick back.
    There's really no reason to talk about spirituality with your friends.
    As long as the person is positive and gives off a good vibe, you should be friends with them. Definitely don't judge people based on how high they score on your consciousness scale. LOL.
    "Sorry bro, your consciousness is at level 495, and I only hang out with 500+"

  8. How visualization actually worked for me
    How visualization actually worked for me
    Hi, I want to share how visualization (or law of attraction) actually worked for me.
    I am a musician and animation artist. I am creating animation music videos for my music right now. 
    I have a youtube channel but my work didn't get any attention for a long time. (I don't share the channel to avoid self-promotion) 
    I upload videos so rare because the work I'm doing requires so much time, I don't use social media, I don't have large group of friends to spread. So this situation is not suprising.
    Also I have money problem because I didn't want to go 9-5 job. I don't want to put myself in a position that I would not be able to have time to run my projects. 
    So about one year ago, I had one last project that I wanted to complete. That was a bit crazy project for me because I had to do all music recordings, composition, mix, 3D modelling and animation by myself from stracth. So the complete process took 10 months of INSANE amount of work. Even Sometimes I came so close to cry
    But I knew that even if I make it perfect, this work will not spread to large group of people. I was telling myself that I would do that even if no one will see it other than me. But on the other hand I want to be appreciated of course.
    At the same time I was doing self improvement work, life purpose course etc. I knew a bit about visualization before but It looked so silly and unreal to me. It seems like you send energy to the universe and some quantum shit happens then magical things come to you. But the explanation that Leo made about visualization seemed legit to me and I gave it a try.
    Then I started to dream that finally my work will get attention and people appriciate my labor etc. Even I didn't know how this will happen, but I still did it every day for 2-3 months until the project finished.
    So as time goes, I started to think like "marketing of my work has nearly equal importance as the work itself. And I should do everyting to make it through" So I made a list that contains 30 items of actions that could be effective. Most of them are silly and actually I didn't want to do none of them because It required emotional labor. But I did all of them. Sent it to the people that I met, facebook pages, some directors etc. But none of them seemed to work at all. Then I thought "oh, people didn't like what I did, whatever, let me look for a job. I will try to maintain it while working" 
    But then one of the people that I sent said to me "you had amazing work here, my son has a very popular twitch channel, I will say him to share your work. I hope this will help, we are ready to do whatever we can"
    So he did. Then amazing group of people flocked to my video. there are 1000+ likes and 9 dislikes now. I know it is not a huge achievement, but that was a big step for me
    Not only the people that came, the comments they made were incredible to me. All of them were pissed off how such a work got so little attention. There are hundreds of comments that I hardly believe a real human being said it to me  and also messages that encrouges me to not give up.
    So I wondered if this attention was just for that video or something permanent. Then I released a song of mine without video clip, just with audio to measure the reaction. The reaction that work received was even more emotional and intense. Then they started to look for my old works too.
    I knew this is not a big deal and just a beginning. But this changed my direction in life and I decided to release more videos and see what will happen for a while.
    But the point that I want to make here is: now I see, If I really didn't believe that this time my work will be appriciated, I would not send it to those people and this would never happen. Now I can say it was not about to convince the universe or god, more about to convince myself