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About Pernani

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  1. Thanks for sharing your experience. I can relate to some of that, although I relate to your partners who thought they were sexually "open" and "free" only to find out that their emotions say otherwise. Sometimes we can "know" something conceptually while we feel in an entirely different way.
  2. Been there. It'll get a better, take time to process your emotions and your thoughts will become clear again, including the illusion of her being the "one". There's plenty of fish in the sea, even the beautiful highly conscious ones that resonate with you. Stay strong ❤️
  3. Great response! Thank you <3
  4. @universe Lovely post, thank you for taking the time to write this <3 You seem very knowledgeable about this topic, so I have some questions regarding the source of emotions and emotional triggers, if you can share some insights: I've read and heard from different sources that the reason that some situations (or thoughts) trigger negative emotions within us is not because of the situation itself (like getting cheated on or treated unfairly), but because the situation reminds us of a painful situation that happened to us in our childhood, in which the emotions were painfully overwhelming that we didn't know how to deal with them and ended up suppressing them. Therefore everytime we get triggered, it is an opportunity for us to release the suppressed emotion from the core traumatic experience that is linked to that situation. What do you think about this "model" ? Also if all emotional triggers are sourced in core emotional traumatic experiences in our childhood, then where did those painful childhood emotions that we suppressed come from in the first place?
  5. Distinctions and experience matters here a lot. I also have lots of questions regarding polyamory and monogamy, and their potential for love, connection and fulfilling you emotionally. But to answer that I would need a lot of direct experience on both ends. To weigh the pros and cons of monogamy and polyamory one would have to go deep in both of them, and see which type is more conductive for pure healthy love. And then one would have to be careful not to pass the judgement based on their insecurities or their shadow, for example you could say polyamory is unrealistic and doesn't work because you couldn't handle the jealousy so you stuck to monogamy, whereas when you manage to heal the core of that jealousy and any of your other emotional issues that would cloud your judgement, you will see the real potential of polyamory and it may be even more fulfilling than monogamy. I only have experience with going deep in monogamy, which was pretty great, lots of potential for loving connection. Though trying to turn a deep loving monogamous relationship into an open relationship bubbled up all kinds of emotional turmoil within me. I would like to hear the opinion of someone who's gone deep on both ends.
  6. Ey I think you did great, not everyone has the self honesty and the balls to expose their unfiltered vulnerable self to someone they just met. Maybe u didn't get sex but I think u did what u wanted, brutal honesty, which is great. At least now you have a reference experience of what it's like to open up and that may prove to be beneficial in the future. The fact she could open up to you too is awesome and shows that she felt safe enough to show her vulnerable side. Just that, if you really want to have sex (and get over being an incel) maybe try to switch up your strategy. People don't usually bring all their insecurities to the forefront on their first date. So hold on to that stuff until you both actually deepen the relationship, if you so choose to. Also don't put up a fake persona that you won't be able to sustain during the relationship, it will eventually crumble, so I'd say try to bring as much of an authentic positive vibe into your first encounters. Good luck.
  7. Does this also apply to adult people? Maybe not physical death, but maybe death on the inside, psychologically speaking.
  8. It seems like the spiritual and self help community usually has this idea that to be happy you need nothing outside of what you can give yourself. I'm trying to challenge this idea but idk how im ever gonna reach a conclusion, experientially, without fooling myself. Basically what Im asking is: do we actually need to receive love from outside or is it possible for us to fulfill our desire for love independent of anyone outside of us? If anyone has struggled with this question b4 and has reached conclusion based on experience, please share with me your thoughts! Here's some of my thoughts to see where I'm coming from: Is receiving love from another a need? Is having a loving healthy connection a need? Meaning :It's indispensable for our well being, how? Allows us to love ourselves Heals past wounds that create unworthiness and therefore we become complete, self loving, feeling safe It can be indispensable or it can be healing but non indispensable (there's another way to heal that aspect of ourselves and complete ourselves: self love?) Is it possible to satisfy our need to feel loved through self love alone? Is it possible that the feelings we get from a loving healthy connection with a romantic partner, the feelings of love safety and warmth, is it possible for these feelings to actually STICK permanently within us if we get an X amount of them through the relationship. Or are they just momentary? What does my experience tell me? Only had one relationship where it felt like I received that, maybe not enough reference experience The feelings of love did not stick within me. Thinking that love was healing and that it was only supposed to be received from another, I became desperate, needy, hurt, and I suffered. It seemed like I wasn't supposed to need love from another. Because that opened the door for an unhealthy attachment.
  9. Yes I have experienced this a lot, even having an orgasm while meditating. Sexual arousal is just energy passing through your body so yes you could call it that.
  10. I'm still trying to understand the meaning of that scene in Fight Club, anyone care to shed some light?
  11. @Vadiminator Hope you're doing well in there..
  12. Thanks for your input! From my experience, it's almost rare to find someone you're so compatible with, with which you can develop a deep intimate connection. And even developing that connection is a process that takes time. So how would one go about creating abundance in reality when it comes to that? Cause it's not the same as just going out and hooking up with different people (which I admit, I haven't even tried doing that yet). Or maybe this perceived "rarity" is coming from a scarcity mindset itself.. What do u think? That's very interesting.. Basically doing your best to just love for love's sake, without creating an identity out of it. What does it take to be able to do that? So you're saying if one is "full", they wouldn't want an intimate relationship in the first place. What does "full" mean here? Enlightened? Unconditionally self loving? In my experience, I get very averted to drama (especially when I notice it in myself). I care more about a genuine connection, I find there's something beautiful in that. But I like how you said "nothing reveals your ego more than intimate relationship", cause I find that very true from my experience too. I feel like I'm failing at connecting the dots somewhere lol Can you elaborate please?
  13. I'm interested in figuring out how one can fall in love in a romantic relationship, establish a deep intimate connection with all the vulnerability that's required from that, and not suffer from the neediness or emotional attachment that may result from that? I'm asking because I've recently been into a relationship that was very loving and nurturing for a few years, only for it to end with me getting very emotionally attached and the immense amount of pain that comes from that. I think it was a growing experience, but it also seemed like the more vulnerable you allow yourself to be with someone to create a genuine loving connection, the more you set yourself for actually sabotaging the relationship or just experiencing a terrible heatbreak because life had a different say in the matter. Any thoughts or videos are appreciates (:
  14. I totally get what you're getting at. Though I have to ask you, were you able to achieve this sort of happiness by letting go of everything and accepting it all?
  15. Thank you so much for your input. I feel like some teachers can definitely over-complicate Kriya, while some others recommend a more simpler basic set of practices (like Santata Gamana with his first book). Didn't you experience any benefits to doing yoga that you didn't find in your meditation practice? @The0Self @PenguinPablo Thank you for the recommendation. I'm definitely checking out TMI first, then I'll see about the second book. Don't you think that one can only reach to that conclusion in their direct experience after lots n lots of practice? Otherwise I'd just end up wasting my time like I've already been for the majority of my life. Thank you for sharing your experiences, you seem to be floating on cloud 9 with your kriya practice. Have you tried classic meditation before committing to kriya yoga? If so then what made you decide on which practice to pursue?