Bojan

I wish I was born in Germany. They have such a good educational program there you learn what you need to know. It's such a good country. The Swiss, Austrians and Germans are multicultural, scientific and usually fluent in at least three languages. I don't know if there are any psychos and sociopaths living there causing harm to others, but I like to think that the primary goal of authorities in these places is to help every German, Austrian and Swiss citizen live a good life. I made a big mistake when I got born here, when I didn't realize that I'm in an abusive household, and when I didn't align myself with the right side, seeking the right national identity and the right language.

Happy day, what a happy day. I wish you have a happy day too. Happyday to you!:)

These are the symptoms: inner restlessness and agitation being crancky and angry attention deficite unable to concentrate social anxiety fartigue and bodily tension cold hands and feet at winter when others don't have cold hands and feet lowered intelligence little physical and mental stamina heart palpitations diminished memory diminished eyesight at a distance + black spots and lines in my eyes; they are like broken glass, but it's not that bad, I can even forget about it tinnitus yellowish hands, fingers and feet compared to the coler of my skin and other people's hands I hate drinking alcohol, it makes me feel bad and it tastes gross etc. I cannot get tested.

Let's gather this somewhere. Anywhere! So the Bible is Stage Blue, as well as the Quran. What about Hamlet, Moby Dick, and other classics? Hero myths and legends are stage Red? Like the iliad and odyssey. Stage orange books are about money and sex, like The Great Gatsby or A Change of Place. Stage green books?

I am neurotic and paranoid but only under certain Life Condition. The conditions that are causing me problems need to be identified and changed.

@Phil King Mr. King, you probably already read my post that was created on 10th of January and deleted on 12th. I was asked for more details of my situation by Mrs. @flume and wrote the following... Neurotic: "Behaving strangely or in an anxious (= worried and nervous) way, often because you have a mental illness." No. I have a LOT of unresolved trauma and financial/education problems in life. Do not confuse that for neurosis. Paranoid:"Feeling extremely nervous and worried because you believe that other people do not like you or are trying to harm you." But Mr. King, why do I get called paranoid when I believe that some people don't like me and are trying to harm me, but some of them don't get called paranoid when they do the same thing? They crossed all lines. I saw one is very judgemental of me, and has no reason to be and he also provoked me to anger once. It is a very manipulative person who exploits everything you say and do behind your back. The other is confusing as hell. Does he wish to harm me or does he want something else? What does he want? The third one is just too biased, leaning on the side of the first one. The fourth one is not an enemy, because we totally misunderstood each other.The fifth are the ones they brought as pawns (various other emotionally harassing people, one's with g's as well) against me. Also, people who have harmed me in the past are here to help, and are treated like royalty. "Wish you all the best" = good luck with that bastard (Meaning me. Back into the past and you would see how badly that person treated me for no good reason, intruded and manipulated. Then the other started doing something similar, but I don't get the other guy. See, I cannot investigate and get truth from people. The other day, when I was sleeping, my mom or brother got into my room and went through my stuff, probably reading my diary as well, but how do I get a confession from them? It should be cristal clear that I don't want them doing that. And one of them did it anyways.) Enemy: "a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something; a person who hates or opposes another person and tries to harm them or stop them from doing something." I can call them "haters" instead of "enemies". But you cannot underestimate someone who has the power to deal with you by all means. Please ask them why they hate me, because I cannot. They would lie and call me neurotic and paranoid like you do.

I want to use the memories that are left and writings if they were not edited, to write this. How do I go back into my past, especially when the people that have hurt me are still in my life, denying that they did. If I do not do this, the symptoms I have now could be rationalized as my "crazy nature", not nurture and poisoning and the things they did to me, rationalized as something they did to a crazy person. I didn't have this before 7. Ater that there was a lot of trauma and stuff going wrong in my life that it must be explained now. Then I got poisoned. I don't know when or how. Was it intentional or was it from the fish, the tap water we all drink, or spices, maybe chicken liver, I don't know. Maybe it was both. Need advice on going back into the past and writing about it. It might be better to do that in the future though, when I detox from heavy metals.

I get futigue after I eat gluten, of course. I never heard about celiac disease before. I certainly have it, but can't get tested if I'm not in Sweden. It is very important to me that the tests get done by people I trust 100%, because if I don't get proof that my symptoms are caused by poisoning, I will blame trauma and physical abuse for my lack of energy, because I know that I was a perfectly healthy baby before 6 or 7. Later I didn't want to be in school because I couldn't learn at home because my grandmother had health issues, and my grandfather died. He wasn't there to take care of me, direct me and protect me. So I would love to do the detox, because I want to be healthy again and easily accumulate knowledge. I need proof that I am poisoned, not that I am not.

"Love always wins in the end" - ________ Well, I love bread, pasta, doughnuts, etc. It is also cheap and available. But I love not being fat as well and that mental clarity that is so hard to imagine, but you can feel it without junk food and some incompatible persons. You basically succumb to it after spending time in my miserable existance. Of course, when I'm living alone in the village, I can be without food and water and function better than now. But it lacks the basic necessities.

I sleep 8h almostvevery night. I don't have a job, because I didn't get the right education, or I almost got none of it, except for following and reading Actualized.org content, wikipedia, etc. I have time, but currently I don't have a good place for relaxation. Because I excluded fish, I eat a little meat, I try to avoid gluten, diary, refined sugar, soy, additives, so I eat a lot of beans and rice (will be excluded). But I'm afraid that gluten always ends uo being added into my food, and even I sometimes want some bread, doughnut, macaroni or spaghetti (and love always wins in the end), because that food is everywhere around me all the time, and fruits and vegetables are expensive, while beans and rice taste bad in these circumstances. I didn't try to do the test, because my rich enemies with high positions in society and very good image with a lot of respect and influence, make me worried. Sometimes I think they might even be psychopaths, because I already experienced fraud and harrassment which I bet they organized with the help of their collegues that are either evil like them or utterly ignorant and deluded. I'm afraid they will corrupt and bribe the people doing the testing or threaten them, or they will somehow switch the samples, because they have politicians in their hands and operate from the shadows. They suddenly appeared in my life, because the world is changing fast and I'm stuck in my family that fucked up my life. Why do they hate me? Because I offended them all the first time I saw them. So then they could not resist attacking a wounded person from a big family like the Hasburg Monarchy that does him more harm than good. And cause of the wrong family (I am not talking about money. A poorer but more compatible family that I fit in and in which I am protected, educated and properly raised, would have done the trick.) I was also attacked/wounded/manipulated by some other members of my county/ry. Etc. I'm not blaming my family for my problems. It is God's providence of course. He wanted reality as it is now, and he got it. Or if he has no consciousness and intelligence, then it is natures accident that just happened and is a part of evolution. Otherwise, I'd be a movie star by now. But I realized that I will never be Brad Pitt after all.

It means that I can be very attached to some people and fearful of them at other times or at the same time. I don't know. I just answered the quiz and that's what came out.

Yellow hands and fingers Dark circles under your eyes Fatigue List some of the symptoms you have. Like, I've never been born Asian to have yellow fingers (just one arm now, the other is broken). I've never taken drugs, plus alcohol and cigarettes just handful of times in my life, yet I have dark circles under my eyes. Fatigue is often reduced or even gone when I'm alone in the village house, but still, it is often there as a symptom. I could bet my life that I'm poisoned. Now is it lead, mercury, arsenic, or plastic or something else, I don't know.

Disorganized Could it be possible that parrnts do not love their son? Could it be possible that they do not love one of their sons? Could it be possible that parents have conflict of interests, a bias, prejudice, cognitive dissonance?

If you are gonna be on a water fast, it is not necessary.

Hmm... Does eating 1 chicken a week, and no meat the other 6 days of the week make you a vegan? ? No. But why go fully vegan and not eat a pound or two of meat a week? Your body needs it.