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About Aquarius

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  • Birthday January 21

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  1. Today was a decent day. I did me some overall beauty glo-up.. I feel like I should do these glo-ups more often, even if not in a daily basis.. Then I worked on my art. It turned out a disaster.. couldn't draw anything decent. I was researching handmade objects. I want to open an online shop for my future works..
  2. I have a need to grow myself in communication. I feel like I isolated myself a lot. My agoraphobia doesn't really help me. I am scared to cross the street, I am scared even of open windows, I keep isolating myself from going to the store or taking out the garbage. I just feel a bit off.. I stopped talking to my friends as well. I'm completely alone, searching for a way out. In other news, today I went outside and I just decided to ignore the anxiety. I bought some skin-care products as well, which makes me happy to care for myself. I think as a woman I need to care more for my beauty than I usually do... Might have to start a daily and nightly routine for skincare and haircare etc etc etc...
  3. I noticed some progress on myself yesterday.. I was arguing with my mom and I was very direct and honest about my feelings. I did tell her I was angry, while usually I just brush it off and keep it for myself. But no, this time I was honest. It might've sounded bad, but at least I didn't hide my feelings anymore. It felt good to express myself without hiding anything. Today I was exploring podcasts just to gain more knowledge and clarity about various topics, modern culture and entertainment. I find that I come across many inspiring ideas that I want to implement on my own life too.
  4. Some article I read today.. What I learned: ✨ I should listen to my loved ones more often, especially family and close friends. Accord them time to open up or just chat in general ✨ when angry, start managing my thoughts, remove myself from the situation and write down what I feel, meditate on the emotion, observe myself ✨ forgive, give thanks for my suffering, let go of negative emotions towards a person ✨ be more honest of what I think about something when in a conversation, always directly telling what I think instead of just agreeing blindly ✨ start volunteering and gifting away goods ✨ create healthy boundaries ✨ open to change, travel, go outside more, try new things, visit museums.. ✨ give away gifts, go out with friends, surprise them with a coffee, drink or snack in town These are the habits I want to give a chance to. ^^ A cool site I will take time to explore:
  5. The big picture of self-actualization, understanding the fundamentals and the key insights for a good life. I will be re-watching this episode a few times, just as the others when I get to them. I really want to understand this properly. Below are my key take-aways from that video... Key ideas: ✨ It all starts with a deep need for growth in you. You sense there is something more to it, or you suffer with your current results. ✨ You take a 100% responsibility for your life. Everything is created by you and reflects your thoughts, emotions, actions. ✨ You discriminate reality from appearances: Understanding how reality actually works. ✨ Epistemic and metaphysical questioning - what is the very fabric and structure of reality, myself, other people, life, etc., what it means to know things? ✨Traps. Religions, cults, etc. ✨ Glimpse of the Absolute / Truth / God. Have transcendence penetrate in your whole experience. ✨ Growth - raising the quality of your consciousness. ✨ Unconditional Love towards everything and all beings. Self-Love: accepting yourself totally and unconditionally, no matter of outside circumstances. ✨ Detachment: you will be detaching yourself from all experience, all thoughts, emotions, and actions. Being vs Doing / Having. ✨ Observation. Precise, careful, steady observation of everything, especially yourself. Watch out for self-agenda, self-deception, egoistic manipulation. ✨ Mindfulness. Meditation. Self-Inquiry. Direct experience. -- over years and decades. ✨ Undermining selfish impulses, becoming aware of lower consciousness needs and desires. ✨ Honesty with others and yourself. How you deceive, lie, manipulate, desires, excuses.. ✨ Surrendering control, giving up manipulation. ✨ Facing hard truths, boredom, emptiness, your death. ✨ Identifying fear barriers, defense mechanisms, where you are stuck, fear about money, relationships, life in general. ✨ Raising the quality of your motivations and desires. Most of the stuff you chase are programmed into you by society. Motivation for stimulation is toxic. ✨ Becoming a creator, life purpose, career, being an "artist" ✨ Reconciling evil, suffering and ignorance. Most people misunderstand these things but brutal self-honesty will show you that you're the evil one! Understand what suffering and evil is. ✨ Understand everything at Big-Picture level, holistic understanding ✨ From left brain to right brain thinking. ✨ Sattvic lifestyle / vs intoxicated lifestyle, Become addiction-free, toxicity-free ✨ Overcoming childhood- and school-programming ✨ Non-manipulative relating ✨ You'll become very strategic, decisive, proactive and visionary ✨ Deep recognition in you that this takes serious work, as it won't happen suddenly and accidentally. ✨ Set up the right environment that helps you achieve these things ✨ The "human-machine" is already well understood, society and culture doesn't inform you well about its workings, it intoxicates you. I will start working on these, I will have to plan and research it through though. Sure thing, thanks!
  6. On this journal I wish to write down my actualization process. Using this as a compass for now: Along with other interesting stuff I work on. ^^
  7. I have to act serious all the time. Trust me, when I'm serious I am intimidating. People fear me. But I'm blind to looks, I love everybody. //innocent archetype (Jungian) + //high priestess archetype (tarot) My work on earth have left me sick mentally nowadays I'm healing.
  8. Ok I'm back. What did I miss? I looked around. Yes some people are looking for themselves while they're at home. That's how sad this world is. Not sure we are looking at what we are searching or what we wanted to see.
  9. Should I draw more shadow music to my shadow journal. The lights are out for now, we are relying on technology. Symbols everywhere, I am just writing out my shadowy thoughts on my shadowy journal, I am not a journalist, I may look like one, but peace calms me down if I look for peace peacefully, diving deep once again, was going on, people just lookin? I got you a chilled mix, it's with the heard. Yoopie yoop yay..
  10. What movies are good in Bollywood? I am genuinely interested. I would like to see some movies but I don't know which one to pick. Only real Indians are allowed to reply to this message, please keep it to this forum post and reply here, to me, on this forum post if you are a real Indian and if you would like to offer me a movie recommendation. Please keep it real and be so that it is a real movie, like what I can actually watch on my laptop. Please also keep in mind that I have a broken laptop, in many ways. I hope it will not break even more. I hope no one is breaking into my laptop for me saying this things out loud on a virtual forum. Thank you for understanding my privacy, I hope you understand yours and that it is mutual for us. Have a nice day and sorry if you stole your own time reading this post in case you had nothing to offer to me. I'm just having a nice conversation with the future Indian who will offer me a good movie recommendation, I might not watch what you send me. Maybe there are trailers that you can send to me from YouTube, maybe I don't have time to watch that now, but I might have to eat too while keeping an eye on my own information because I protect myself accordingly to the privacy of others, so, in case you wanna send me something, send this here to this journal, you if you want to send something with this journal somewhere, don't. So, just send me a movie trailer if you are an Indian because that is what I am asking for. If you are not a coward you will let it show in my journal that is here. Thank you for your time.
  11. I don't write my songs to this websites because then it's a mess and let's not forget this is a shadow hournal, are we throwing some shade on that? I hope so not? *journal
  12. thanks now i know how to speak, amen to that om shri hree hah, swahah, tanno shiva prachodayaaaaateeeee Thank you, bless, Namaste, Namo, Namaha Normal people stuff, still can speak. Thank you. Amen to that.
  13. Racists are blamed for racism or what do you mean? That's what I understood from your message on this forum. Maybe I misunderstood something, and maybe there are other things worse than racism for whom? Maybe some people simply have a bad life and are trying to open up eyes that are not to blame? Wake up? Some people need to dream, in their sleep. It's a sign of health, in case you wondered. Or as some doctors tell you or will tell you when they ask you if you slept enough or how much do you sleep at night..
  14. Sending hugs where it is needed. I hope you're feeling alright. I feel sorry for your loss. Please be good.
  15. Interesting. I'm not yet wise... I don't know where it lead me to, the things I wrote on the last page. I was probably having some energy rush and wanted to write some jokes. When I'm in a good mood I can write a lot of jokes that might not even sound funny to those of whom do not appreciate that kind of humor. I just see too much, I understand a lot of things, but I don't know how wise I am.