Aquarius

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  1. I don't think it is your fault. I used to have the same problem. My family kept telling me that they are jealous, but of course I didn't listen and thought it was complete bs. Then years after graduation I realised they were right, they WERE jealous, because looking back at the pictures I was the prettiest, at least from that year, and what they said was the complete opposite. I never were that disappointed and in so much pain and suffering. I mean how could I be that dumb? I could've easily find my path and do that which resonated, but I left myself be tricked and kicked in the face. And now I have to start all over and lay the foundation again. I say just believe in yourself and be yourself. It's never too late.
  2. You may want to contact a professional.
  3. Yes, I have. I had problems with sleep and instead of helping me they diagnosed me with things I didn't have and put me on antipsychotics. Instead of helping the sleep problem which wasn't that severe. I took depakine for 5 months. I started gradually cutting it off, and I see things sometimes. But I don't mean weird things or anything. I just happen to came across people doing things in front of me. I told people about it and they told me it was in my mind and it didn't actually happen. No one believed me. But in fact, sometimes I was with friends and they can confirm the things happened. Like two girls giving me gestures of smoking, and a guy giving the dreamboat glance. I wonder if that could happen, did happen, or I just imagined it. It seemed very real. Other than that, I sleep better now, I can go outside and travel with confidence (which I didn't do before) and I am able to focus better on what I'm reading or studying.
  4. I don't think there's anything that can make me happy.
  5. I never thought about that. I just sort of do it because everyone seems to be doing that and then it becomes the norm (the thing about relationships). Because "why not." But somehow that's not enough. I asked for meaning because life feels empty and useless. I don't even think there are words to describe it. Ok, waiting. That feels calming. Thank you. So what next?
  6. Then why do we do anything? Why do we do them for? Well, what's the meaning of relationships and friendships for example? Why are we making friends? Many people nowadays want to be my friend and I'm left there scratching my head about the why.
  7. What do you mean by that? Well, ok.
  8. I am really curious if anything really has a meaning. Nothing seems to have a meaning. Why do we do anything? What is the point? Why do people do anything? I think I am missing something here. Everything seems meaningless, every action, every word. What is it all about? What's the point of it all? Everybody seems so content and focused on something, and always doing something, and always striving, but for what are they striving? If they get those things, what will happen? For example someone being born, studying all their life then working all their life then getting money then buying things and then dying. It's absurd! Why are we born in the first place? Why are we forced to achieve and develop anything? For what do we live? Why was the world even created? What is this?? What is anything? I keep thinking about this for some time, I would be glad if someone explained, thank you.
  9. Try this
  10. Damn..
  11. I love epistemology.
  12. Thank you this was interesting to read. I still don't understand why am I being called gay? Everyone automatically calls me gay. Is liking a guy being gay if you're a girl? What do you all mean? Was it me being sentimental about my dream? Girls hit on me for some reason sometimes, even friends, but I'm not gay so I always find that disturbing most times. I can see what you mean, because many girls that are usually into guys will at some point drool if they see a girl that catches their interest, but will deny it when asked about it. I don't have any problems with gay people though, never had. Many of my friends confess me that they're gay and I'm always the first to know about it, I never tell anyone though. But it's really funny how for no reason I'm always the gay. Just a few weeks ago I called a good friend of mine and we talked about psychology and I said I like psychology and he was like 'enough, you're gay then'. What. And just a few days ago my partner wanted to watch porn with me and I told him a clear no, so he suggested we watch girl on girl. And I was confused and he said he knows I like that, and I was even more confused and said I don't like porn. I noticed on actualized that everyone talks about being gay. I wasn't online for some time, did I miss something? On a sidenote, I used to feel that I'm weak when I was younger but now that I'm 21 it's all gone I think. I think it goes away with age and by going with the flow. I simply stopped giving importance to 'other people', and by that I mean people that might have a problem with me for no reason, and now they don't. And about being gay, I used to tell people that I'm gay in the past. I don't know why. The reaction was that they stared at me with distorted faces and then blew their cigarette lost in thought. I liked that. I don't think people are gay because they are unstable, maybe it's the other way around, they are unstable because people don't accept them. Depends on the culture also. It's ok, he needed to open up to someone. What I was most interested about is the tree in my dream, because I was assuming it had something to do with the Yggdrasil. Auntyflo has some information on her website. "Roots can also symbolize unconscious or mental energy in your life; as well roots are often used in grounding and relaxation exercises when you practice yoga or meditation. Seeing a tree and the roots and the entire body together will reflect a desire for family or familial connections as related to a family tree." "A warning is that perhaps you are settling down roots that you won’t be happy with in the future, and you want to consider the people that you are getting attached to, or possibly negative habits that are going to be counter effective or unproductive for you in the future.' "This dream is in association with the following scenarios in your life... Starting a family. Planning for the future. Getting too close to negative influences or people. Doing drugs or unhealthy habits that will cause problems for you. Traveling. Feelings that you may have encountered during a dream of roots… Stable. Affirmed. True. Balanced. Awe. Impressed. Neat. Prepared. Busy. Sore. Hurt." I highlighted what was relevant. Another website says: "Depending on a season (winter, summer, spring, autumn), dreams about trees are interpreted as symbols related to the beginning of a new relationship or exciting and fulfilling career..." The dream was mid-spring. Something like this: And the weirdest part is that I was some floating void or consciousness and not a person in my dream. Just a mere observer.
  13. @Nahm Wow that's interesting. I will have to think about it. What do you mean he is me? (in the dream) I will need to think about what insults me about him. I think his whole presence, for whatever reason. Whenever he showed up in my friends group I usually found a weak excuse and went home. I think it's his quietness. It's like someone holds up a mirror close to your face and forces you to look in it. He simply infuriates me. I don't know but there's a part of me that sees him like some close member of some tribe or something. Figuratively speaking, tribe. I hate him so much but I want to maybe observe him from distance if I see him, and well I liked to occasionally ask him if he's ok... idk I care too much. I remember once I was with my best friend (a girl) by the river and he (the guy) and some random girl appeared out of nothing and were walking there and my friend said "uh... well, I'm terribly sorry please don't be sad don't look at them", but whatever, I think I was smiling like an idiot or something. What made you conclude that I only like him for his looks? I enjoy his personality, it's just the way I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry every time he talked with me. I don't know why. He made me anxious and depressed.