Aquarius

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  1. He has it in the audio downloads.
  2. @studentofthegame Haha oops. Didn't mean it. Wanted to quote the quote. Sorry. Edited now.
  3. Liberation is about allowing yourself to feel desires that are wrong. Because if you feel bad about feeling something "bad", thinking that you "shouldn't" feel that emotion, you create a negative feedback loop, and you feel bad about feeling something unusual. Then you feel bad about feeling bad about feeling bad. It can go on forever. But if you allow yourself to feel, and say "yes, life is shit, people are bad and selfish, everybody dies in the end anyway, so I can do what I WANT!", it just means that you can stop worrying about saying something controversial or doing something bad, or feeling something bad, then when you do those things you just laugh at yourself, like "Hahahaha damn, I was so dumb to get angry on something so small like this!". And then again it doesn't matter that you were dumb to do or say something, because nothing matters, people get cancer every day and live their lives like there's no tomorrow, cause you never know. Or, someone wrongs you and instead of getting angry you ignore them. Because if nothing matters why does it matter that he laughed at you? If nothing matters, why does it matter so much to you that someone wronged you? If it really didn't matter you wouldn't be angry. So it means that it matters to you, something matters to you. Perhaps your public image. But if you didn't care, it wouldn't embarrass you that much. Think of comedians. So many comedians are considered ugly or weird by society and then they make a career out of being weird and making people relate to them. Because they accept their situation. There was a teacher of mine who tried for 10 years to get into doctor's university. Not once, 10 times. She didn't make it, but she could've just worked a 9-5 job in a factory, instead she tried a 11th time at literature, became a private teacher, speaks 5 languages, and makes money on her own, doesn't even teach at school anymore. And she helps hundreds of children get into highschool, collage, university or to get a job. She could've given up and say "the system is corrupt and I have no chance, I will kill myself". But she fought instead. Changed lives. Including mine.
  4. You're misunderstanding the whole thing. Being alone doesn't mean there is only you and you are imaging the world from your limited human perspective. It means that you are connected to all, there is no where else to go, there is only this, nothing outside of the universe / God, the Universe is alive, and consciousness is not an accident, a life-less inanimate thing cannot randomly create forms out of pure chaos. It's really subtle but life changing and it has enormous implications. It won't give you superpowers though. Please don't fall into delusion, these are just pointers. We are real lol.
  5. No, he is not my ex. And on a side note, what if I'm toxic too? Nobody is perfect. My ex just told me btw that he doesn't deserve me. (Edit: it's not about "deserving" someone...we are equal) He realised that already, so I forgave him, and no we are not together, we aren't compatible and that's ok, but I don't see the reason why we should hold grudges. Even if we don't talk that often. But I also agree with you. If I want to grow I have to let go of what no longer serves me. For example lies people tell me about how I am and what I deserve. Thanks Shin.
  6. I don't know if this has been posted yet. Thought I'd share.
  7. I don't think it is your fault. I used to have the same problem. My family kept telling me that they are jealous, but of course I didn't listen and thought it was complete bs. Then years after graduation I realised they were right, they WERE jealous, because looking back at the pictures I was the prettiest, at least from that year, and what they said was the complete opposite. I never were that disappointed and in so much pain and suffering. I mean how could I be that dumb? I could've easily find my path and do that which resonated, but I left myself be tricked and kicked in the face. And now I have to start all over and lay the foundation again. I say just believe in yourself and be yourself. It's never too late.
  8. You may want to contact a professional.
  9. Yes, I have. I had problems with sleep and instead of helping me they diagnosed me with things I didn't have and put me on antipsychotics. Instead of helping the sleep problem which wasn't that severe. I took depakine for 5 months. I started gradually cutting it off, and I see things sometimes. But I don't mean weird things or anything. I just happen to came across people doing things in front of me. I told people about it and they told me it was in my mind and it didn't actually happen. No one believed me. But in fact, sometimes I was with friends and they can confirm the things happened. Like two girls giving me gestures of smoking, and a guy giving the dreamboat glance. I wonder if that could happen, did happen, or I just imagined it. It seemed very real. Other than that, I sleep better now, I can go outside and travel with confidence (which I didn't do before) and I am able to focus better on what I'm reading or studying.
  10. I don't think there's anything that can make me happy.
  11. I never thought about that. I just sort of do it because everyone seems to be doing that and then it becomes the norm (the thing about relationships). Because "why not." But somehow that's not enough. I asked for meaning because life feels empty and useless. I don't even think there are words to describe it. Ok, waiting. That feels calming. Thank you. So what next?
  12. Then why do we do anything? Why do we do them for? Well, what's the meaning of relationships and friendships for example? Why are we making friends? Many people nowadays want to be my friend and I'm left there scratching my head about the why.
  13. What do you mean by that? Well, ok.
  14. I am really curious if anything really has a meaning. Nothing seems to have a meaning. Why do we do anything? What is the point? Why do people do anything? I think I am missing something here. Everything seems meaningless, every action, every word. What is it all about? What's the point of it all? Everybody seems so content and focused on something, and always doing something, and always striving, but for what are they striving? If they get those things, what will happen? For example someone being born, studying all their life then working all their life then getting money then buying things and then dying. It's absurd! Why are we born in the first place? Why are we forced to achieve and develop anything? For what do we live? Why was the world even created? What is this?? What is anything? I keep thinking about this for some time, I would be glad if someone explained, thank you.