reves

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  2. Posted

    Medicine

    40 mg - 4-AcO-DMT

    The Trip

    This was a challenging experience, I do not consider I had a break-through experience, or maybe I am just not able to appreciate it. I got a bit frustrated and disoriented during the first hours of the trip. I have managed to create some sort of ritual that works pretty well for me and has helped me get some very interesting experiences, which I have written about in previous trip reports, these previous experiences have made me more and more curious about what Infinite Love is, and the intention of this trip was to go deep into this search.

    I had a very relaxed week, but the day before the trip it was a bit stressful, I also injured myself at the gym doing a wrong exercise. I was not completely sure of taking the psychedelic medicine, but on the end I decided to do it. I made all the preparations and took the medicine around 11 am. 40 mg is a bit of a high dose for me (as I have had some powerful experiences with 30 mg doses) the highest I have tried with 4-AcO-DMT.

    I could simply not surrender and let go during the experience, I started to get a bit desperate and agitated. As the medicine started to make effect I felt drunk of psilacetin, but I could not feel the connection with the Universe/God that I normally feel when I am able to surrender. I felt lost and very disoriented for the first three hours of the trip. While on other experiences I was able to just be, this time I could not reach a state of total peace.

    The visual effects also ended pretty quickly, and even though this may just be a distraction, it also gives me some sort of reference on how deep I am able to go in the experience. I can just describe it as a very egoic trip, and I may even have felt bored at some point, very weird.This is also the second time that I have a similar experience with this dose, not being able to let go. In that previous experience I also felt very anxious and fearful.

    After four hours in the trip I managed to process some emotions and cried. It was then when I felt much more free and peaceful, and go a glimpse of what Infinite Love is. I surrendered and accepted that, it may not be the case that every psychedelic trip will be break-through experience. So I was thankful for the experience and for what I was given. It feels weird because it is something I manage to understand more and more but that I am unable to describe in words. It is everything and everywhere, expressing in all around us.

    Perhaps the only experience I can recall as mystical is that I was laying on my bed and suddenly I had some sort of Samadhi experience, I felt as if I was everything and everywhere and I could not feel my body, and it happened this happened as I was just there, with the eyes fully open. The experience went very quick as it came. I have been able to reach this glimpses of Samadhi more frequently and I even had one during a Kriya Yoga session this week, during the final concentration phase. I got very excited because it came so sudden and I was not under the influence of any psychedelic medicine, it also lasted some seconds.

    Later I went out for a walk into the forest. I find it interesting that during this experience I did not feel fear or angst as in some previous challenging experiences, and nevertheless I struggled a lot during the experience.

    Conclusions and Questions

    I guess I should pay more attention to my intuition and learn when it is better to postpone the psychedelic trip for another time when I feel more prepared to do it. Perhaps I had great expectations for this trip, and that was the reason I was not able to surrender to what is. Later during the day and since then a couple of days after, I have felt a great state of peace, I also noticed that the kriya yoga and meditation sessions get powered-up and I feel it very easy to go through the sessions. I can also notice how the Om sound gets stronger.

    The confusion and disorientation I felt during the beginning of the trip made me think about going back to psychotherapy. As I have been making this psychedelic trips and getting very powerful experiences, with that I also have gained some understanding of past trauma and pain, and I am not sure if I am being able to manage/work this on my own. This leads me to think that this could be a reason on why I am not being able to surrender during some trips. What are your thoughts about it? I am not sure if the therapist will accept that I take psychedelic medicines. Or perhaps shall I seek some other type of advice/help.

    I would also like to try something more powerful like 5-MeO-DMT but these experiences make me feel I still need to address some more personal stuff before I can do it, or I will get into a very challenging trip. But then again, these are just ideas.

    The previous psychedelic trip was about three weeks before this one, and it was a very powerful trip. Could it be that I had to wait more time to integrate this previous experience?

    Could it be possible that my 4-AcO-DMT batch started to degrade? I got this batch on April of this year, and I always keep them in a clean, dry and dark safe place.

    Thanks a lot for reading this post, I will appreciate all the comments. Also thanks a lot to the great community on actualized.org and of course thanks to @Leo Gurafor his amazing teachings and advice!

     

  8. Posted

    Medicine
    200 ug of 1P-LSD   

    Intention
    I have been contemplating my fears during the last weeks, because I realized I couldn't let go completely during some previous trips and I wanted to investigate more about this and see how far I could go this time.

    The Trip
    So I prepared some food and ginger tea and took the medicine around 9 am, then I listened some music while drinking the ginger tea and then made some bilateral symmetric movements. After an hour or so, I started to feel the effects and get some visuals so I laid down on a mat, with the arms and feet fully extended. This time I used a blindfold to cover my eyes from the light, and listened to music a great part of the trip.

    And it got very wild pretty quick, as I started to feel the effects more strongly, I started to repeat in thoughts, I want to be your vehicle. First, I became aware how my body started vibrating, as if waves of energy were emanating out of my body and then I started to feel a lot of love, love pouring through me, expanding very fast. I can remember some thoughts I had during these moments, "I love everything and every one", "I am love", as if I could tap into the mind of God. The experience just became marvelous, I was captivated of how much love I was feeling and made me cry.

    I also started to ask, please show me the a way to help other beings, please help me find a path to better support this cause and the answers started to hit me very quickly, as I  realized how easily some little actions from myself would help people, family, and friends in need enormously. I also realized how unconscious I am, always spending money on things I don't really need, instead of using it for the greater good of other beings. I realized how the ego just cares of its own agenda and I became very clear to me how I am doing this every moment.

    I also realized how incredible life is, how incredible and sacred is every moment, every instant of my life, regardless of how banal/superficial the ego wants to make me believe it is. Understanding this made me feel a some how sad, as I realized that most of my daily activities
    are very unconscious and I got the feeling that I have been wasting my life most of the time. And as these realizations started to come to me, I started to cry, I cried a lot, and purged a lot of pain. It is as if I was overwhelmed from some much beauty and such a great feeling of love, it also felt very sacred.

    At some point, I felt I wanted to let all the suffering stuck in the universe flow through my body, like the suffering from all those beings that have died in great pain without being able to express it, to let it go. There are some parts of the trips that I find hard to recall, specially during the first hours of the trip, when the effect of the medicine is very intense, and although during that moment everything appears to make perfectly sense, I also know that once I come down from this hyper-consciousness state I will have remembering/understanding what I have been experiencing.

    There was a moment when I was going through an infinite process of dying and being reborn, like a purification process. As this happened, I started to connect all the suffering that was flowing through me with my own personal history, some very old pain and memories I had buried very deep in my body and unconscious. I could remember some moments when I was two or three years old and I just wanted to spend some time with my father but during this period he had to work a lot, so sometimes I could only see him for some minutes during the day before he had to go to work again. Realizing and accepting that I could not bring back this time anymore, regardless of what I have always tried to do was very painful. Allowing myself to feel this pain was so hard that I ended up crying in a fetal position.

    There was a moment when I started to feel a lot of physical pain/sore in my body, and doing some Hatha Yoga helped me clear the soreness. This very intense process lasted around six-seven hours but for me it felt like an infinity. After the ego started to reassemble, I started to get hungry. As I was eating something I also started to understand how I could convert this suffering and pain into love.

    Later during the day I spoke with my parents and had a great talk with them, I could express a lot of feelings and talk with them about situations that until now I had not been able to do, it was so nice and emotive that for some moments we cried together. As I become more and more conscious I also enjoy more to talk and spend time with them. My guess is that I able to see them and accept them for who they truly are.


    I then finished the day with a long walk in the forest, which help me start recalling the trip and all the realizations I had. As I become more aware I also enjoy to be in more in contact with nature, it feels so satisfying just being there. By the end of the day I was in a very blissful and peaceful state, my body felt very relaxed, as if I had released a very big load.

    I also had some interesting experiences that I just can not understand:

    • One was, as I was looking on the mat look at the ceiling, I could literally see how the reality was being created in front of me in real time, as if some blocks where continuously assembling the room where I was, and in some parts there was just nothing at all.
    • Another one is as I am looking at my hand looks, which seems to be created by very high vibrations, I lose the sensation that I am seeing at my hand, I lose al the boundaries of myself and it appears to be as if I where seeing just an image on a TV screen and then everything dissolves into nothingness.
    • As I was writing some notes, it felt as if somebody else was writing through my body and I was just watching and then something/someone whispers me into the ear how to finish the sentence and then everything melts down, into nothingness.

     
    Conclusions
    I really enjoyed listening to music during the trip, it was as if the music was made exactly for the moment and it gives me the impression that it helped me let go easier into the experience and kept me on track, but I am not so sure about the blindfold, maybe I could have gone deeper without it.

    There are so many things that one experiences during a trip that are impossible to put in words. I wish I really could tell you the magnitude of the awakening I had, it felt several orders of magnitude greater than the previous trips. Now I can understand how each awakening always feels to be the greatest one. During this process of dying and being reborn I feel that I my consciousness grew a lot.

    I can not remember when was the last time I cried so much and could let go of so many pain. I could understand that love is the cause of everything, of every intention in every thing and that we are always looking for love. This gave me so much clarity, which led me to understand how my parents always tried to give me as much love as they could, from their own perspective.

    I could understand how the present moment is all we have, and how powerful it is to bring purpose into reality. I definitively see the benefit of contemplating, something I have not done for the previous trips. I see how powerful it is combined with the psychedelic experience and the daily practice of Kriya Yoga and meditation, which are bringing me some great gains.

    Questions
    I wish I could retain more clearly all the experience/insights I get during the trip. As I am tripping sometimes I write/record some brief notes but I find it very hard just to write or say something and I prefer not to do it a lot to get too distracted. I guess there are no special recipes but any advice is welcomed. Could it be the nature of the psychedelic (LSD)?

    Thanks a lot if you made it so far, I always try to write the report as brief as I can but it always ends up being long :P Thank you for your comments, I appreciate all of them and of course, thanks to Leo for his awesome work and the great community of Actualized.org!

  9. Posted

    Yes go for it! Leo has some great videos about psychedelics: https://actualized.org/articles/how-to-use-psychedelics-for-personal-development

    Look for other trip reports on the internet, you can learn from others experiences, there is a trip report mega-thread. I like to drink ginger tea after I eat the mushrooms on an empty stomach, it helps me reduce the nausea effects. Start with a lower dose, and build yourself up. You will always have time to try higher doses but if you start with strong, you may get scared and never want to do psychedelics again. Be careful with dosing mushrooms, it is not the same 2 grams of fresh mushrooms as of dried ones. Have fun and please let us know how it goes ;)

  10. Posted

    Hi there @korbes i just finished listening the audio-book and I found it great. I understood this as finding the difference where you can be excellent and genius. I guess, this is something that one has to contemplate for a while in order to truly find where your genius is. For me for example, i have found out that i can excel at being an engineer on a 9-5 job and it allows me to cover most of my survival needs and some more. But I find my zone of genius is researching and creating new stuff, something I can do with a lot of passion and where I feel time does not exists when I am doing it. But then again, after reading the book I now see that I have to really contemplate and find out where my genius is.

  11. Posted

    @Socrates I started with personal development work several years before getting to know Leo and actualized.org (did least five years of psychotherapy and some other stuff) more recently I started experimenting with psychedelics. Even though I considered  I had dome some ground work, I have had some rude awakenings during some psychedelic sessions. They act like a catalyst and accelerate the whole process a lot.

  12. Posted

    Wow awesome! for a moment I thought my trip report was way to long no body was going to get interested on reading it. After this rude awakening I have felt way more conscious of my feelings, emotions and in general of the present moment. I took the week of and I have been enjoying the afterglow just being.

    @Leo Gura @Inliytened1 Thanks for the encouragement, so I guess it only remains to keep on doing the work and purifying myself in order to reach higher states of consciousness. I know am still a newbie and I still have a lot of work to do, but I am already enjoying every bit of it.

    @Nahm This is some great piece of advice! Thanks a lot for the great explanation, I will put this into work :)

    @kieranperez Yes! I agree with you, just more recently I started contemplating my feelings, thoughts and emotions, and I am getting to a level of understanding that I had never reached before in life, simply because I never cared about contemplating these things, and just accepted them without question.  And this is helping me improve my relationship with myself in ways I had never imagined.

    @bammy32 Yes it feels horrible and crazy, I think I managed to stay relative calm and not alarm my girlfriend only because I recognized I have had some similar anxious experiences and knew more or less what to do the next time I got to face one of this attacks. I also see that all the other activities I do, meditation, concentration etc.. helped me avoid overreacting, thanks a lot!

     

  13. Posted · Edited by reves

    Medicine
       30 mg of 4-AcO-DMT, administered orally.

    Intention
       The intention was to repeat the experience I had with a previous trip I had (same medicine and dose), about five weeks ago. You can see the full trip report here After doing some research and posting the last report here, I understood I had a Samadhi experience. I was shocked by the few glimpses I had of the Absolute, and could not really understand it.
       I also had the intention to try to get a healing trip.

    Some Background
       I have been doing Kriya Yoga daily for about seven months now, I am currently mastering the Mental Kriya lesson, as described in the book Leo recommends in his video. I also do concentration training, 20 to 30 min daily, and I also sit to meditate basically doing nothing before I go to sleep, for as long as I can remain seated.

       I have started to feel more the energy moves trough my body and sometimes I can perceive the different frequencies of the Chakras very strongly, for example at the end of the Kriya session, during the concentration phase. This has also lead me to be able to meditate and rest doing nothing for longer periods, every time easier. This is how I know that I have been integrating the previous trips I had. Until more recently I have managed to start contemplating.

    The Trip
          So I made all the preparations, and at 15:15 took the medicine, then I seated, relaxed and drank some ginger tea, as it helps me avoid nausea and body load during the come-up phase. I listened to some hang drum meditation music, which I also find great during the come-up phase, during this time I also made some bi-lateral symmetry movements. I started to have some visuals, though this time not so strong as in previous trips. I then started looking at my hand to get grounded in actuality and I realized my fingers where moving very fast, almost as if there were vibrating. This is something that either I have not realized before or I had not experienced until this moment. I found it interesting and just let it be. Around the 30 min mark or so I decided to lay down on the floor, over a mat. As I was laying there on the stomach, and I was captivated by the fact that the mat was so close to my eyes and yet saw so infinite, endless and so far away.

          I then suddenly entered this hyper-awareness state and directly recognized that it was this similar experience from the previous trip. The boundaries of my body simply were no more and I felt as if I was expanding very quickly, my breathing also slowed down a lot, up to the point I could not perceive it. I stopped listening to music as the effect of the medicine was getting stronger and decided to concentrate and go full into the experience. At some point, something made click inside me and I had this feeling that somehow I already knew all of this, as if it were and old memory from my childhood. It was as if I could remember I could access this hyper-awareness state when I was a kid, and I just remembered about it.

          I then realized that, as the ego tried to take back control, I started to feel overwhelmed by the connection with the infinite and the whole experience, but had no fear or anxiety. At some point I changed position and put on a couple of ear caps, because there were some external distracting noises. I started to notice a lot of high frequency sounds, and I was able to reach a deeper/higher level of awareness and feel a very deep/strong connection God, in all directions and I also realized that I was in a state where time does not exists. I turned to look my hands in several occasions, trying to ground myself in reality and at least one time I remember I was not able to recognize them.

          I find fascinating that I was very aware during the whole experience, that for moments I was not feeling the boundaries of my body, and yet I could move the eyes, I had then realization then that God had taken control of my eyes and was looking at Itself. It was also a very blissful state, a feeling of total completeness and full of love. And yet, as the ego was reassembling every time with more and more strength I started to feel that I was losing it, that I was going mad, as my brain was trying to conceptualize and reduce to ideas the greatness of this blissful state.

          Around the 90 minutes mark I got really hungry and decided to go to the kitchen to eat something. I was still in this hyper-awareness state, in ecstasy and at the same time completely mat of being able to feel such a deep connection with God, so easily. I remember a moment I was standing by the window and being able to feel as if I were connected to everything and nothing, it was as if I could understand what a paradox is, for the first time, at the level of being. I had some food prepared, so heating it up in the microwave was not a very hard task, even tough I found my clumsy movements very funny.

          I then started eating, and in the same time started to feel how the ego was getting reassembled. I had then this thought where I made the conscious decision to go back to the form state. And as I was making the decision to come back to the dream, this process just happened. I then get a glimpse of the infinite layers of consciousness that constitute reality and the self. And then the hyper-awareness state starts to fade away, I realize it by being able to see, feel and recognize my hand much more solid as I look at it. All of this happens as I hear my girlfriend getting in to the house, and getting closer to where I am. I get this last though as if I where reading the mind of God when she gets in the apartment. "Oh that is also me, but there I am not currently being aware of myself."

          I then had a very nice evening with my girlfriend, trying to tell her what I had just experienced but I quickly realize that I just saw as a complete insane person to her, which just brought me to laugh. One thing I really like form psilocin is that it show my ways to be more social, to express my feelings and emotions more freely and easily, which I then see reflected in the conversations and interactions with others.

          Around 7 pm (four hours after taking the medicine) I went for a walk in the forest, which starts very close to where I live. I then realized that I felt very balanced and complete and started to ask myself how could I integrate this and make it more permanent in my daily life. The next day I tried to reorganize thoughts and remember as much as I could, writing everything down, on the afternoon after doing some other stuff, I decided to smoke some weed and just try to relax and try to remember some more of the trip and concrete the insights I had. I know mixing weed with mushrooms/LSD is not a good idea, yet had tried a similar experience before where I had 100 ug LSD and the next day I smoked a little bit of weed and the experience of the LSD came back, in a peaceful way. But with this time it was different.

        After I smoked I got shocked very deeply by the realization that we are all one, that it is only me here and I am always interacting with me, and I felt utterly and completely alone, I realized that I am just playing games with myself. I was like Oh my GOD!! With the mouth completely open. I got very scared, and realized that my ego was totally rejecting this realization. This time I really felt I was going really crazy and physically die, I guess I was confronted with the paradox again I was completely rejecting it.

        I then started to panic, so I tried to sit down and meditate but it only got worse. I realized I was having a panic attack as I felt my blood pressure was increasing up to 130 bpm, and started to feel my body very hot. So I changed my clothes to something lighter, drank some juice and took a cold shower. The cold shower really helped me ground again. All of this happened in a lapse of 10-15 minutes, I then told my girlfriend I just had a panic attack because I had this strong realization that I could not accept and asked her to huge me. I felt so fucking humbled, as in that very moment I could understand what it means love myself, seeing me in everyone and everything. I then could finally relax and start to accept this deep insight.

    Conclusions
    I got some powerful insights, from these mere glimpses in to the mind of God.

    • I feel that for the very first time I had this realization/awakening at the level of being, that felt several orders of magnitude/dimensions greater than a rational/conceptual realization.
    • I now know how following this path and accepting the unknown is a huge leap of faith, as I have never felt so scared in my life, and yet it comes with a great reward at the end, because deeply inside of me I can feel this deep connection with God.
    • I got some understanding of what it means to be a singularity that has no diameter and it is yet infinite, infinite in every possible way.
    • Also got some understanding of what a paradox is and how challenging and scary it can be when the mind tries to wrap around it, conceptualize it, and fails to merely accept it.
    • At some point when my ego dissolved, and I remained being there, it was as if nothing had changed. This made me realize I am God, and as God in the formless state I cannot die and that I have nothing to fear!!
    • I realized that this ego is just a part of me, and even after physical death happens it will remain in the vastness of God, forever.
    • I also realized that time as I perceive it (linearly and progressing in just one direction), is just a projection of greater dimensions that are highly non-linear and it equally does not exists.
    • I also see how I have to accept everything, and not just the things that the ego find good/acceptable for my survival agenda.
    • I have been doing the different practices very rigorously every day, and because of this I can see strong gains and progress on every trip, something that keeps me motivated during the low-energy ego-backslash phases.

    I love being mind fucked, but it really scared the shit out of me that I felt I was at the verge of a psychotic breakdown, or about to die. Prior to this, I have not had so strong anxiety/panic attacks for more than a decade. They all used to happen by abusing weed, which made me stop using it. I know understand that during these previous bad trips with the weed, I may have had some strong realizations that I was not able to understand and accept. It is until just more recently that I have tried to approach weed again, in a much more calmed approach. I know that I made a mistake by smoking weed after taking the psilocin, and now I know that psychedelics are medicines that have to be highly respected.

    Questions
      By now I have had around ten psychedelic experiences between mushrooms and LSD, but just most recently I have started to feel that I am losing the sensation of reality and that I am going crazy. I have read that this is to be expected, but I just do not want to go in a wrong direction. I then started to question me, shall I expect this process of going mad to become more intense? Or may it be that I am going to fast? Is there anything that it can be done to make it lighter for the ego? Do you have any recommendations to better integrate the trips?

      Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I hope that my experience be of help to you, who knows. As always, thanks a lot  the great community of actualized.org and to @Leo Gura for all his work and great teachings!

  14. Posted

    I have a PhD on electrical engineering, finished about two years ago. Getting the degree helped me move from Latin-america to Europe and increase my quality of life. Those four years were great in terms of creativity, which is something I really like. I thought I would find something similar on the industry, but the past two years have been very frustrating, I have a full-time job as software engineer in a multinational company that develops automation systems for the food industry.

    Zero space for creativity, a lot of falsehood, cult-dynamics and almost everything is money-driven, there are a few good things like the salary and very low stress, but not worth it. So yes! I will definitely do not see me doing this on a long term, I am currently planning an strategy to actualize my life purpose and be more authentic.

  16. Posted

    @okulele Awesome! I live near the forest and while the first hours of the trip I like to spend the at home (meditating, introspecting and just being) also because I find it pretty hard to move around when I use psychedelics. But once the first part of the trip has passed I like to go out to hike on the many roads here and get into the forest for a couple of hours. Sometimes it is as if the forest were calling me and I just go there for a couple of hours and find it marvelous, and from time to time I hear a deer and get totally scared. I guess instinct is one of the most hardest things to beat, so better run and find another spot to meditate than be eaten by something :D

  19. Posted

    Hello there! I have been experimenting with 1P-LSD and recently managed to get some 4-AcO-DMT. I also started doing daily practices about a year ago of meditation and concentration and around January started with Kriya Yoga.

    I have been feeling the power of the Kriya Yoga, since I started I have managed to meditate for longer periods and more clearly whereas before starting this practice I found it really hard to do.

    But anyway, I made all the preparations and around 2 pm I dissolved 30~ mg (the scale has an error of +- 3 mg) of 4-AcO-DMT on water and drank it on an empty stomach. Around 10 min later I started to feel the effects so I sat down always trying to remain in a symmetrical position as Martin Ball explains in his many books. The visual effects start to come in and I start to see all this fractal patterns everywhere, during this moment I drink a ginger tea because the 4-AcO sometimes gives me nausea effects.

    Almost every trip and specially at the beginning I feel really grateful for whatever it may come during the trip, and specially for having the opportunity to make this. It may be because of my religious background, I was raised as a catholic, but I am curious if any of you feel the same when you are tripping?

    About an hour after taking the medicine I decided to lay-down because I started feel really cold. I tried to remain in an open position and symmetric all the time and suddenly my hands start to move like doing infinite loops. I found this so funny because I had the impression that I was not directly controlling the movements, very symmetrical.

    I was in a very relaxed, meditative state, almost no monkey mind and I was asking questions like why sometimes I feel so disconnected from life? what is God? what is dead? All the time seeing these multi-dimensional, multi-color and formless fractals. At some point turn around and lay on the stomach, I then became very still and quiet and had no thoughts and then suddenly I get this insight, "forget to breath" and I felt as if my consciousness would elevate and merge with the Absolute, I felt its Infinity and Stillness so incredible and indestructible. I would then come and go into this non-dual state as I feel that the ego tries to regain control.

    It was so overwhelming, until now I have not experienced something like that with the eyes wide open and so present. I cannot really say if I really stopped breathing and for how many time or if my breathing slowed-down but it really felt as if was not breathing, however a difference to some previous trips is that I was very present and conscious. I have never felt so complete, so much in peace, so fearless so loved in my life it was Awesome.

    I didn't realized this at the moment it was happening and I remained on the bed like two hours completely shocked until the ego regained control and I started to understand what had just happened, I was like oh my god, what has just happened?! I then went into the kitchen to eat something and laughed and cried multiple times because my mind cannot simple wrap around the vastness of the Absolute.

    Some Conclusions

    I am still in the process of integrating and understanding what it was shown to me during the trip, but it hits me that every trip feels bigger and I get so see more and more complete.

    I also go into the trips with thousands of questions but the Truth always reveals by itself. I have also began to understand the process of deconstruction/construction of the self and how the ego starts to take control back.

    I also realized that I am very identified with thought and I have never considered that it could be another sense.

    I can see that I have still a long way to go, but it certainly feels great to feel the progress of doing the practices everyday, it really motivates me to keep walking the path.

    Questions

    Maybe the more experienced can help me understand what was that I experienced. My guess is that I got in a higher access concentration ego-less state or perhaps a glimpse of what Samadhi can be.

    Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I can only say that actualized.org and the teachings of @Leo Gura has helped me grow so much on the last year and I found this process every-time more exciting and interesting.

  20. Posted

    I have tried both, I did psychotherapy for five years, at least one day a week, sometimes two. During that period I also used to smoke a lot of weed, which the therapist also knew of. She was not against me using it but also did not found it good, but during that period I used merely to escape the present situation I was living. I learn a lot of things, but I can now see in retrospective that I played a lot of ego games and it took me many time to talk the truth and not just mental masturbation to please the therapist or myself. And it only took me so far, after some time I just realized I could not go deeper so I stopped.

    More recently I have been meditating, doing Kriya yoga *daily at least 30 minutes a day) and psychedelics (LSD and mushrooms) every three weeks or so. I can definitely feel the progress is faster than psychotherapy, specially after a psychedelics session. Psychedelics are just great, however I can also see that in the past I could have become addicted and easily deluded without all the work I did with the psychotherapy and other self-help stuff I have been doing prior I started doing the psychedelics session.

    I would say that there are many therapist out there, and if you really want to try it you will find the right one.

    Good luck!

  21. Posted

    I  like both. I sit mostly when I do Kriya Yoga as Leo shows in his blog. It took me like six months to be able to sit like that for at least 30 minutes. And find it really good to stay alert. But I also like to lay down, specially when I do psychedelics and also because I have some lower-back problems. I find it perfectly fine, so what if you fall sleep? It can also be a very good meditation.