reves

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  1. @Fishy Hi, yes it was awesome. @tedens Yes! I saw the video in Leo's blog and some others in youtube, I really look forward to read his new book. @Nahm Your comment in my last trip report helped me a lot, many thanks!
  2. Medicine 200 ug of 1P-LSD Intention I have been contemplating my fears during the last weeks, because I realized I couldn't let go completely during some previous trips and I wanted to investigate more about this and see how far I could go this time. The Trip So I prepared some food and ginger tea and took the medicine around 9 am, then I listened some music while drinking the ginger tea and then made some bilateral symmetric movements. After an hour or so, I started to feel the effects and get some visuals so I laid down on a mat, with the arms and feet fully extended. This time I used a blindfold to cover my eyes from the light, and listened to music a great part of the trip. And it got very wild pretty quick, as I started to feel the effects more strongly, I started to repeat in thoughts, I want to be your vehicle. First, I became aware how my body started vibrating, as if waves of energy were emanating out of my body and then I started to feel a lot of love, love pouring through me, expanding very fast. I can remember some thoughts I had during these moments, "I love everything and every one", "I am love", as if I could tap into the mind of God. The experience just became marvelous, I was captivated of how much love I was feeling and made me cry. I also started to ask, please show me the a way to help other beings, please help me find a path to better support this cause and the answers started to hit me very quickly, as I realized how easily some little actions from myself would help people, family, and friends in need enormously. I also realized how unconscious I am, always spending money on things I don't really need, instead of using it for the greater good of other beings. I realized how the ego just cares of its own agenda and I became very clear to me how I am doing this every moment. I also realized how incredible life is, how incredible and sacred is every moment, every instant of my life, regardless of how banal/superficial the ego wants to make me believe it is. Understanding this made me feel a some how sad, as I realized that most of my daily activities are very unconscious and I got the feeling that I have been wasting my life most of the time. And as these realizations started to come to me, I started to cry, I cried a lot, and purged a lot of pain. It is as if I was overwhelmed from some much beauty and such a great feeling of love, it also felt very sacred. At some point, I felt I wanted to let all the suffering stuck in the universe flow through my body, like the suffering from all those beings that have died in great pain without being able to express it, to let it go. There are some parts of the trips that I find hard to recall, specially during the first hours of the trip, when the effect of the medicine is very intense, and although during that moment everything appears to make perfectly sense, I also know that once I come down from this hyper-consciousness state I will have remembering/understanding what I have been experiencing. There was a moment when I was going through an infinite process of dying and being reborn, like a purification process. As this happened, I started to connect all the suffering that was flowing through me with my own personal history, some very old pain and memories I had buried very deep in my body and unconscious. I could remember some moments when I was two or three years old and I just wanted to spend some time with my father but during this period he had to work a lot, so sometimes I could only see him for some minutes during the day before he had to go to work again. Realizing and accepting that I could not bring back this time anymore, regardless of what I have always tried to do was very painful. Allowing myself to feel this pain was so hard that I ended up crying in a fetal position. There was a moment when I started to feel a lot of physical pain/sore in my body, and doing some Hatha Yoga helped me clear the soreness. This very intense process lasted around six-seven hours but for me it felt like an infinity. After the ego started to reassemble, I started to get hungry. As I was eating something I also started to understand how I could convert this suffering and pain into love. Later during the day I spoke with my parents and had a great talk with them, I could express a lot of feelings and talk with them about situations that until now I had not been able to do, it was so nice and emotive that for some moments we cried together. As I become more and more conscious I also enjoy more to talk and spend time with them. My guess is that I able to see them and accept them for who they truly are. I then finished the day with a long walk in the forest, which help me start recalling the trip and all the realizations I had. As I become more aware I also enjoy to be in more in contact with nature, it feels so satisfying just being there. By the end of the day I was in a very blissful and peaceful state, my body felt very relaxed, as if I had released a very big load. I also had some interesting experiences that I just can not understand: One was, as I was looking on the mat look at the ceiling, I could literally see how the reality was being created in front of me in real time, as if some blocks where continuously assembling the room where I was, and in some parts there was just nothing at all. Another one is as I am looking at my hand looks, which seems to be created by very high vibrations, I lose the sensation that I am seeing at my hand, I lose al the boundaries of myself and it appears to be as if I where seeing just an image on a TV screen and then everything dissolves into nothingness. As I was writing some notes, it felt as if somebody else was writing through my body and I was just watching and then something/someone whispers me into the ear how to finish the sentence and then everything melts down, into nothingness. Conclusions I really enjoyed listening to music during the trip, it was as if the music was made exactly for the moment and it gives me the impression that it helped me let go easier into the experience and kept me on track, but I am not so sure about the blindfold, maybe I could have gone deeper without it. There are so many things that one experiences during a trip that are impossible to put in words. I wish I really could tell you the magnitude of the awakening I had, it felt several orders of magnitude greater than the previous trips. Now I can understand how each awakening always feels to be the greatest one. During this process of dying and being reborn I feel that I my consciousness grew a lot. I can not remember when was the last time I cried so much and could let go of so many pain. I could understand that love is the cause of everything, of every intention in every thing and that we are always looking for love. This gave me so much clarity, which led me to understand how my parents always tried to give me as much love as they could, from their own perspective. I could understand how the present moment is all we have, and how powerful it is to bring purpose into reality. I definitively see the benefit of contemplating, something I have not done for the previous trips. I see how powerful it is combined with the psychedelic experience and the daily practice of Kriya Yoga and meditation, which are bringing me some great gains. Questions I wish I could retain more clearly all the experience/insights I get during the trip. As I am tripping sometimes I write/record some brief notes but I find it very hard just to write or say something and I prefer not to do it a lot to get too distracted. I guess there are no special recipes but any advice is welcomed. Could it be the nature of the psychedelic (LSD)? Thanks a lot if you made it so far, I always try to write the report as brief as I can but it always ends up being long Thank you for your comments, I appreciate all of them and of course, thanks to Leo for his awesome work and the great community of Actualized.org!
  3. Yes go for it! Leo has some great videos about psychedelics: https://actualized.org/articles/how-to-use-psychedelics-for-personal-development Look for other trip reports on the internet, you can learn from others experiences, there is a trip report mega-thread. I like to drink ginger tea after I eat the mushrooms on an empty stomach, it helps me reduce the nausea effects. Start with a lower dose, and build yourself up. You will always have time to try higher doses but if you start with strong, you may get scared and never want to do psychedelics again. Be careful with dosing mushrooms, it is not the same 2 grams of fresh mushrooms as of dried ones. Have fun and please let us know how it goes
  4. Hi there @korbes i just finished listening the audio-book and I found it great. I understood this as finding the difference where you can be excellent and genius. I guess, this is something that one has to contemplate for a while in order to truly find where your genius is. For me for example, i have found out that i can excel at being an engineer on a 9-5 job and it allows me to cover most of my survival needs and some more. But I find my zone of genius is researching and creating new stuff, something I can do with a lot of passion and where I feel time does not exists when I am doing it. But then again, after reading the book I now see that I have to really contemplate and find out where my genius is.
  5. @Socrates I started with personal development work several years before getting to know Leo and actualized.org (did least five years of psychotherapy and some other stuff) more recently I started experimenting with psychedelics. Even though I considered I had dome some ground work, I have had some rude awakenings during some psychedelic sessions. They act like a catalyst and accelerate the whole process a lot.
  6. Wow awesome! for a moment I thought my trip report was way to long no body was going to get interested on reading it. After this rude awakening I have felt way more conscious of my feelings, emotions and in general of the present moment. I took the week of and I have been enjoying the afterglow just being. @Leo Gura @Inliytened1 Thanks for the encouragement, so I guess it only remains to keep on doing the work and purifying myself in order to reach higher states of consciousness. I know am still a newbie and I still have a lot of work to do, but I am already enjoying every bit of it. @Nahm This is some great piece of advice! Thanks a lot for the great explanation, I will put this into work @kieranperez Yes! I agree with you, just more recently I started contemplating my feelings, thoughts and emotions, and I am getting to a level of understanding that I had never reached before in life, simply because I never cared about contemplating these things, and just accepted them without question. And this is helping me improve my relationship with myself in ways I had never imagined. @bammy32 Yes it feels horrible and crazy, I think I managed to stay relative calm and not alarm my girlfriend only because I recognized I have had some similar anxious experiences and knew more or less what to do the next time I got to face one of this attacks. I also see that all the other activities I do, meditation, concentration etc.. helped me avoid overreacting, thanks a lot!
  7. Medicine 30 mg of 4-AcO-DMT, administered orally. Intention The intention was to repeat the experience I had with a previous trip I had (same medicine and dose), about five weeks ago. You can see the full trip report here After doing some research and posting the last report here, I understood I had a Samadhi experience. I was shocked by the few glimpses I had of the Absolute, and could not really understand it. I also had the intention to try to get a healing trip. Some Background I have been doing Kriya Yoga daily for about seven months now, I am currently mastering the Mental Kriya lesson, as described in the book Leo recommends in his video. I also do concentration training, 20 to 30 min daily, and I also sit to meditate basically doing nothing before I go to sleep, for as long as I can remain seated. I have started to feel more the energy moves trough my body and sometimes I can perceive the different frequencies of the Chakras very strongly, for example at the end of the Kriya session, during the concentration phase. This has also lead me to be able to meditate and rest doing nothing for longer periods, every time easier. This is how I know that I have been integrating the previous trips I had. Until more recently I have managed to start contemplating. The Trip So I made all the preparations, and at 15:15 took the medicine, then I seated, relaxed and drank some ginger tea, as it helps me avoid nausea and body load during the come-up phase. I listened to some hang drum meditation music, which I also find great during the come-up phase, during this time I also made some bi-lateral symmetry movements. I started to have some visuals, though this time not so strong as in previous trips. I then started looking at my hand to get grounded in actuality and I realized my fingers where moving very fast, almost as if there were vibrating. This is something that either I have not realized before or I had not experienced until this moment. I found it interesting and just let it be. Around the 30 min mark or so I decided to lay down on the floor, over a mat. As I was laying there on the stomach, and I was captivated by the fact that the mat was so close to my eyes and yet saw so infinite, endless and so far away. I then suddenly entered this hyper-awareness state and directly recognized that it was this similar experience from the previous trip. The boundaries of my body simply were no more and I felt as if I was expanding very quickly, my breathing also slowed down a lot, up to the point I could not perceive it. I stopped listening to music as the effect of the medicine was getting stronger and decided to concentrate and go full into the experience. At some point, something made click inside me and I had this feeling that somehow I already knew all of this, as if it were and old memory from my childhood. It was as if I could remember I could access this hyper-awareness state when I was a kid, and I just remembered about it. I then realized that, as the ego tried to take back control, I started to feel overwhelmed by the connection with the infinite and the whole experience, but had no fear or anxiety. At some point I changed position and put on a couple of ear caps, because there were some external distracting noises. I started to notice a lot of high frequency sounds, and I was able to reach a deeper/higher level of awareness and feel a very deep/strong connection God, in all directions and I also realized that I was in a state where time does not exists. I turned to look my hands in several occasions, trying to ground myself in reality and at least one time I remember I was not able to recognize them. I find fascinating that I was very aware during the whole experience, that for moments I was not feeling the boundaries of my body, and yet I could move the eyes, I had then realization then that God had taken control of my eyes and was looking at Itself. It was also a very blissful state, a feeling of total completeness and full of love. And yet, as the ego was reassembling every time with more and more strength I started to feel that I was losing it, that I was going mad, as my brain was trying to conceptualize and reduce to ideas the greatness of this blissful state. Around the 90 minutes mark I got really hungry and decided to go to the kitchen to eat something. I was still in this hyper-awareness state, in ecstasy and at the same time completely mat of being able to feel such a deep connection with God, so easily. I remember a moment I was standing by the window and being able to feel as if I were connected to everything and nothing, it was as if I could understand what a paradox is, for the first time, at the level of being. I had some food prepared, so heating it up in the microwave was not a very hard task, even tough I found my clumsy movements very funny. I then started eating, and in the same time started to feel how the ego was getting reassembled. I had then this thought where I made the conscious decision to go back to the form state. And as I was making the decision to come back to the dream, this process just happened. I then get a glimpse of the infinite layers of consciousness that constitute reality and the self. And then the hyper-awareness state starts to fade away, I realize it by being able to see, feel and recognize my hand much more solid as I look at it. All of this happens as I hear my girlfriend getting in to the house, and getting closer to where I am. I get this last though as if I where reading the mind of God when she gets in the apartment. "Oh that is also me, but there I am not currently being aware of myself." I then had a very nice evening with my girlfriend, trying to tell her what I had just experienced but I quickly realize that I just saw as a complete insane person to her, which just brought me to laugh. One thing I really like form psilocin is that it show my ways to be more social, to express my feelings and emotions more freely and easily, which I then see reflected in the conversations and interactions with others. Around 7 pm (four hours after taking the medicine) I went for a walk in the forest, which starts very close to where I live. I then realized that I felt very balanced and complete and started to ask myself how could I integrate this and make it more permanent in my daily life. The next day I tried to reorganize thoughts and remember as much as I could, writing everything down, on the afternoon after doing some other stuff, I decided to smoke some weed and just try to relax and try to remember some more of the trip and concrete the insights I had. I know mixing weed with mushrooms/LSD is not a good idea, yet had tried a similar experience before where I had 100 ug LSD and the next day I smoked a little bit of weed and the experience of the LSD came back, in a peaceful way. But with this time it was different. After I smoked I got shocked very deeply by the realization that we are all one, that it is only me here and I am always interacting with me, and I felt utterly and completely alone, I realized that I am just playing games with myself. I was like Oh my GOD!! With the mouth completely open. I got very scared, and realized that my ego was totally rejecting this realization. This time I really felt I was going really crazy and physically die, I guess I was confronted with the paradox again I was completely rejecting it. I then started to panic, so I tried to sit down and meditate but it only got worse. I realized I was having a panic attack as I felt my blood pressure was increasing up to 130 bpm, and started to feel my body very hot. So I changed my clothes to something lighter, drank some juice and took a cold shower. The cold shower really helped me ground again. All of this happened in a lapse of 10-15 minutes, I then told my girlfriend I just had a panic attack because I had this strong realization that I could not accept and asked her to huge me. I felt so fucking humbled, as in that very moment I could understand what it means love myself, seeing me in everyone and everything. I then could finally relax and start to accept this deep insight. Conclusions I got some powerful insights, from these mere glimpses in to the mind of God. I feel that for the very first time I had this realization/awakening at the level of being, that felt several orders of magnitude/dimensions greater than a rational/conceptual realization. I now know how following this path and accepting the unknown is a huge leap of faith, as I have never felt so scared in my life, and yet it comes with a great reward at the end, because deeply inside of me I can feel this deep connection with God. I got some understanding of what it means to be a singularity that has no diameter and it is yet infinite, infinite in every possible way. Also got some understanding of what a paradox is and how challenging and scary it can be when the mind tries to wrap around it, conceptualize it, and fails to merely accept it. At some point when my ego dissolved, and I remained being there, it was as if nothing had changed. This made me realize I am God, and as God in the formless state I cannot die and that I have nothing to fear!! I realized that this ego is just a part of me, and even after physical death happens it will remain in the vastness of God, forever. I also realized that time as I perceive it (linearly and progressing in just one direction), is just a projection of greater dimensions that are highly non-linear and it equally does not exists. I also see how I have to accept everything, and not just the things that the ego find good/acceptable for my survival agenda. I have been doing the different practices very rigorously every day, and because of this I can see strong gains and progress on every trip, something that keeps me motivated during the low-energy ego-backslash phases. I love being mind fucked, but it really scared the shit out of me that I felt I was at the verge of a psychotic breakdown, or about to die. Prior to this, I have not had so strong anxiety/panic attacks for more than a decade. They all used to happen by abusing weed, which made me stop using it. I know understand that during these previous bad trips with the weed, I may have had some strong realizations that I was not able to understand and accept. It is until just more recently that I have tried to approach weed again, in a much more calmed approach. I know that I made a mistake by smoking weed after taking the psilocin, and now I know that psychedelics are medicines that have to be highly respected. Questions By now I have had around ten psychedelic experiences between mushrooms and LSD, but just most recently I have started to feel that I am losing the sensation of reality and that I am going crazy. I have read that this is to be expected, but I just do not want to go in a wrong direction. I then started to question me, shall I expect this process of going mad to become more intense? Or may it be that I am going to fast? Is there anything that it can be done to make it lighter for the ego? Do you have any recommendations to better integrate the trips? Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I hope that my experience be of help to you, who knows. As always, thanks a lot the great community of actualized.org and to @Leo Gura for all his work and great teachings!
  8. I have a PhD on electrical engineering, finished about two years ago. Getting the degree helped me move from Latin-america to Europe and increase my quality of life. Those four years were great in terms of creativity, which is something I really like. I thought I would find something similar on the industry, but the past two years have been very frustrating, I have a full-time job as software engineer in a multinational company that develops automation systems for the food industry. Zero space for creativity, a lot of falsehood, cult-dynamics and almost everything is money-driven, there are a few good things like the salary and very low stress, but not worth it. So yes! I will definitely do not see me doing this on a long term, I am currently planning an strategy to actualize my life purpose and be more authentic.
  9. I have not yet tried Salvia but Martin B. Wall mentions his use in his book called Being Infinte, and he mentions that he really liked to work with this medicine.
  10. @okulele Awesome! I live near the forest and while the first hours of the trip I like to spend the at home (meditating, introspecting and just being) also because I find it pretty hard to move around when I use psychedelics. But once the first part of the trip has passed I like to go out to hike on the many roads here and get into the forest for a couple of hours. Sometimes it is as if the forest were calling me and I just go there for a couple of hours and find it marvelous, and from time to time I hear a deer and get totally scared. I guess instinct is one of the most hardest things to beat, so better run and find another spot to meditate than be eaten by something
  11. Thanks for the comments! @ajasatya @Inliytened1 @Leo Gura Yes I guess it goes way deeper. @kieranperez Yes it is so effective and so simple hehe, I really like it!
  12. Hello there! I have been experimenting with 1P-LSD and recently managed to get some 4-AcO-DMT. I also started doing daily practices about a year ago of meditation and concentration and around January started with Kriya Yoga. I have been feeling the power of the Kriya Yoga, since I started I have managed to meditate for longer periods and more clearly whereas before starting this practice I found it really hard to do. But anyway, I made all the preparations and around 2 pm I dissolved 30~ mg (the scale has an error of +- 3 mg) of 4-AcO-DMT on water and drank it on an empty stomach. Around 10 min later I started to feel the effects so I sat down always trying to remain in a symmetrical position as Martin Ball explains in his many books. The visual effects start to come in and I start to see all this fractal patterns everywhere, during this moment I drink a ginger tea because the 4-AcO sometimes gives me nausea effects. Almost every trip and specially at the beginning I feel really grateful for whatever it may come during the trip, and specially for having the opportunity to make this. It may be because of my religious background, I was raised as a catholic, but I am curious if any of you feel the same when you are tripping? About an hour after taking the medicine I decided to lay-down because I started feel really cold. I tried to remain in an open position and symmetric all the time and suddenly my hands start to move like doing infinite loops. I found this so funny because I had the impression that I was not directly controlling the movements, very symmetrical. I was in a very relaxed, meditative state, almost no monkey mind and I was asking questions like why sometimes I feel so disconnected from life? what is God? what is dead? All the time seeing these multi-dimensional, multi-color and formless fractals. At some point turn around and lay on the stomach, I then became very still and quiet and had no thoughts and then suddenly I get this insight, "forget to breath" and I felt as if my consciousness would elevate and merge with the Absolute, I felt its Infinity and Stillness so incredible and indestructible. I would then come and go into this non-dual state as I feel that the ego tries to regain control. It was so overwhelming, until now I have not experienced something like that with the eyes wide open and so present. I cannot really say if I really stopped breathing and for how many time or if my breathing slowed-down but it really felt as if was not breathing, however a difference to some previous trips is that I was very present and conscious. I have never felt so complete, so much in peace, so fearless so loved in my life it was Awesome. I didn't realized this at the moment it was happening and I remained on the bed like two hours completely shocked until the ego regained control and I started to understand what had just happened, I was like oh my god, what has just happened?! I then went into the kitchen to eat something and laughed and cried multiple times because my mind cannot simple wrap around the vastness of the Absolute. Some Conclusions I am still in the process of integrating and understanding what it was shown to me during the trip, but it hits me that every trip feels bigger and I get so see more and more complete. I also go into the trips with thousands of questions but the Truth always reveals by itself. I have also began to understand the process of deconstruction/construction of the self and how the ego starts to take control back. I also realized that I am very identified with thought and I have never considered that it could be another sense. I can see that I have still a long way to go, but it certainly feels great to feel the progress of doing the practices everyday, it really motivates me to keep walking the path. Questions Maybe the more experienced can help me understand what was that I experienced. My guess is that I got in a higher access concentration ego-less state or perhaps a glimpse of what Samadhi can be. Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I can only say that actualized.org and the teachings of @Leo Gura has helped me grow so much on the last year and I found this process every-time more exciting and interesting.
  13. I have tried both, I did psychotherapy for five years, at least one day a week, sometimes two. During that period I also used to smoke a lot of weed, which the therapist also knew of. She was not against me using it but also did not found it good, but during that period I used merely to escape the present situation I was living. I learn a lot of things, but I can now see in retrospective that I played a lot of ego games and it took me many time to talk the truth and not just mental masturbation to please the therapist or myself. And it only took me so far, after some time I just realized I could not go deeper so I stopped. More recently I have been meditating, doing Kriya yoga *daily at least 30 minutes a day) and psychedelics (LSD and mushrooms) every three weeks or so. I can definitely feel the progress is faster than psychotherapy, specially after a psychedelics session. Psychedelics are just great, however I can also see that in the past I could have become addicted and easily deluded without all the work I did with the psychotherapy and other self-help stuff I have been doing prior I started doing the psychedelics session. I would say that there are many therapist out there, and if you really want to try it you will find the right one. Good luck!
  14. I like both. I sit mostly when I do Kriya Yoga as Leo shows in his blog. It took me like six months to be able to sit like that for at least 30 minutes. And find it really good to stay alert. But I also like to lay down, specially when I do psychedelics and also because I have some lower-back problems. I find it perfectly fine, so what if you fall sleep? It can also be a very good meditation.
  15. I have tried them a couple of times now, and I liked them, you can read my trip reports. As the article says they have the same active compounds. Truffles can still be legally produced and sold in some European countries.
  16. The Trip This is my second trip with Atlantis Truffles, just for the record I am a male, 183 cm and 87 kg. I made some preparations, around 8:40 am I ate an apple and 17 grams of Atlantis Truffles, then made 30 minutes of concentration exercises, followed up by 30 minutes of meditation. I started to feel the effects at the end of the meditation, so I lied down. The visual effects came shortly there after and I could see some patters on the walls that would constantly change and move. I also got some nausea effects. I could also feel a peaceful meditative state and found so comfortable to be there, just laying there on a mat, so I stayed like that for a while, I would open and close the eyes for periods of time, and felt very present the whole time. It was as I could feel how my awareness was expanding. After the effects got stronger I could also feel a bit sleepy and for moments I could also feel a lot of discomfort in the stomach, which would suddenly go away as they came. I perceived that the trip was coming in waves and for moments I got lost on it. I could feel as if I got access to some sort of higher order consciousness and that I could go back and forth to the "normal" egoic state that I am familiar with. I also could feel deeply connected with everything and everyone, and felt as I could understand everything and that all was just fine. I then sat down on a chair I started to look at my hand to ground myself on actuality and then I suddenly started to laugh like crazy for no reason, and then I cried also for no apparent reason. It was as if I could connect deeper with my feelings and they where just out of control at the same time. I was really enjoying the trip, and I could also notice how it can suddenly turn into a nightmare. For a moment between these waves of the mushrooms I had a glimpse on a pile of paper that I have not processed and suddenly felt a lot of anxiety, but luckily I managed to tranquilize shortly there after. It was so fascinating to just be there in the moment doing nothing, and being able to perceive everything so clearly. I alternated positions on the mat and the chair for about 3 or 4 hours, trying to keep the body in open positions as Leo shows in the Shamanic Breathing video or Martin B. Wall suggest in his book. I changed positions from time to time because I have some low-back problems and I started to feel some pain in that area if I stayed to long in the same position, the discomfort in the stomach also made me sit from time to time. I also realized how marvelous my body is, and stared to myself in a mirror when I made some pauses to go to the toilet. And then I had the realization that time does not exist and there is just now, the present moment. I also felt very grateful for what I am and for what I was being able to experience at the moment, I am and just felt like being grateful and say thanks to everything and everyone. This time I did not cleaned my apartment before the session, as I clean it regularly at least once a week and I wanted to start early, so for a moment I was lying on the stomach and collected some dust on the fingers from the contact with the floor, and I stared at it without labeling as something negative. I just found everything so amazing and fascinating as it was. During a trip to the kitchen I took some bananas and later an apple and stared at them as if it where the first time I would see such fruits, completely lost in the experience. I could also realize how I could concentrate my whole being on the experience of touching and moving the fruits to perceive its textures with the hands and look at their vivid colors. I then started staring outside the windows fascinated by the smoke that was coming out of different chimneys on some houses and seeing how the present moment was unfolding so majestically and also realizing that I am that everything. Around 15:00 I could still feel some effects but the trip became more introspective, and could also realize my ego was back. Reflections This time my girlfriend was at home, I first asked her if she would like to go somewhere else so I would not get distracted by interacting with her, but at the end she stayed at home. I could feel I got a little distracted by some noises she was doing, which took me out of the trance of the trip, and felt how my ego regained control very easily. I interacted with her from time to time when I made a pause to go out of the room I was, I tried to tell what I was experiencing but at the beginning it was really hard for me to articulate correct sentences. Later we ate something together and I could tell her my experience and I think she can understand me better now and why I was asking her no to be around during the trip. Anyway, how do you guys deal with these situations? I would not like to go somewhere else just to use psychedelics, or send my girlfriend out every time I do it. I also took a couple of days off the work to integrate better the experience. I found it really good because the next days I could realize more clearly some stuff I told you here that I could not understand during the trip. I also feel as my awareness expanded, as if some of that stayed in me. I feel more peaceful and grounded. I also find fascinating that some days ago I got overwhelmed by a negative experience and I could cry out my feelings. It was a long time ago that I could do this so easily and I find great that I am able to connect again more with my body and the emotions I feel. The next days I also have been able to meditate and do Kriya Yoga easier and for longer periods of time. I also realized that I should slow-down and that most of the time I am doing meaningless stuff. This experienced has really motivated and encouraged me to dedicate myself more to the exercises and continue through the path to seek the Truth. Questions I wounder if by using a purer synthetic chemical version of psilocin like 4-HO-DMT or 4-AcO-DMT the nausea effects would be lower or go away? Or will it be just about the same because it is something inherent of psilocin? Thanks a lot for reading and for your comments!
  17. I have also experienced the power of Modafinil during meditation. Although I have only taken it in small doses, 30 to 50 mg max, mostly to overcome a very busy day, but even during these conditions when I sat to meditate I felt it was lighter as other days when I have not taken it. Anyway good luck! And please keep us informed of your experience.
  18. @Wisebaxter hi there, thanks for reading! Yes I am really enjoying psychedelics, at least the Atlantis truffles. I guess I will try the hotel route, as I want to do every two weeks or at least once a month. Let's see how it goes, I am planning to try 1P-LSD.
  19. @Tistepiste thanks for the tips! Next time I will eat them as soon as I get them, and try a higher dose. @tentacion I guess I will try them someday, thanks for the tip and good luck in Amsterdam! @Leo Gura sure I am in this for the long run. Awesome, thanks for the detailed reply, I will do some research and prepare myself for the next trip.
  20. Hi there! This is my first post! I have been following Leo and Actualized.org for some years now, but it was until May of this year that I started a daily meditation practice that I have become more dedicated with the exercises. I am a male, 183 cm and 87 kg and I live in Europe. I am always on the sidelines, reading the forum, and some of the books that Leo recommend, watching the videos and doing the exercises as much as I can. I believe that actualized.org is awesome and am very thankful to Leo for all his contributions. I finally decided to make a post in the forum, share my experience and ask for some advice. Prior to this I only have had experience with weed, mainly for recreational purposes, there where some moments of my life where I used to smoke almost every day, but now I smoke it like every once in a while. I also made psychotherapy for around five years and help me a lot with fear, self-stem and anxiety issues. So, I wanted to try magic mushrooms and got 30 grams of Atlantis Truffles. I stored them directly in the fridge after I got them, until I got enough time to prepare myself for the experience. Between the day I got the truffles and the first day i tried them, passed about three weeks. I stored them in a container in the fridge, the truffles came in air-sealed plastic bags. Day 1 Made all the preparations and at around 2 pm took 2 grams of truffles, noticed a taste similar to nuts. I did not get any nausea, but noticed some discomfort in the stomach during the whole day but nothing serious. After an two hours, I could notice a similar peaceful state similar to when I meditate. I could also notice that my emotions became more intense than normal and I could perceive them more vividly, all kind of mixed feelings. Then I just stayed at home, meditated and make some self-reflection. Because I could not notice any of the effects I read on other trips reports I decided to eat another 4.6 grams of truffles at around 5 pm. Tried to do some stuff I normally do during the day, like watching videos and some programming, but I realized that my emotions got really mixed and confused. I also felt sort of disappointed because I was not getting the effects that I have read about. I was tired so I ate something small and went to sleep around 10 pm. Day 2 I decided to give it another try to the truffles on an empty stomach so after I woke up, ate a slice of apple and 4.5 grams of the Atlantis. Then I meditated for about 30 minutes and then I laid down on my bed and stayed there for about an hour. Again, after an hour I could feel the peaceful meditative state and felt more in contact with my feelings and emotions, but no other sensory effects. So I started to make a reflection about my life, like a summary at the end of the year, but mostly about trying to remember things I have repressed in the past because they where to painful or traumatic, in an attempt to bring them back to light and try to make some work on them to become happier and improve my life. At around 5 pm I got hungry and I was about to go out but I decided to go all in and took 12 grams of truffles. I then made some concentration exercises and meditated for about an hour and started to get some stronger effects. I got some lamps with warm light in my apartment, I started to see the light more neutral white and vivid. I tried to move around and felt a little dizzy and clumsy in my movements. The peaceful meditative state got stronger. I also started to see some patterns on the walls that changed constantly, later the effects got even stronger and the wall had the appearance to be liquid and to change. Most of the time I was in a room that I use as studio, sitting on a chair. I then got some insights to questions that I asked previously during the morning when I started to make the reflection about my life and remembered some painful and traumatic experiences, which I have completely forgotten. I then realized I was trying to control the trip, restraining myself to do nothing, so I let myself go. I listened to some music and danced a little, after that I ate some food in the kitchen and looked at the changing patters on the walls. I could feel as I was connected with the universe, and also a lot more in contact with my feelings. I realized how much I have left this connection with myself aside by trying to pursue meaningless academic degrees and later jobs. Then I called some family members that I have not seen in a while, and felt this connection as I listened to them most of the time, and realized how important are relationships. Conclusions The days I could still feel the deeper/renewed connection with my feeling and emotions and with other persons.It was by then Christmas, so I could enjoy the company of the family, I also realized I could connect better with my girlfriend. At the beginning, it may not had been the trip I was expecting, nevertheless it definitely made me see things different and I hope sharing my experience may be of help to some of you. Seeing and feeling this deeper connection with the universe and with other people, getting these insights about these past painful experiences made me realize that I have a lot of potential to grow and learn. What I don't really understand is why I did not get a stronger effect by eating them on an empty stomach. Perhaps it was a very low dose for my body, and I had already developed some tolerance to the truffles from the experience of the previous day. Then again I did not wanted to exceed the first time I tried mushrooms as I had some very scary experiences with smoking too much weed in the past. Could it be that I stored the truffles to long on the fridge? Did I took a very low dose for my weight/size? Or could it be that I got samples from a batch that did not to get to grow many of the active substance? I will definitely repeat this experience, but I wonder myself what if the next time I do it and eat 12-15 of fresh Atlantis truffles and get a much more stronger effect? What would you recommend me to do? Thanks a lot for reading and the comments!