Medicine
   30 mg of 4-AcO-DMT, administered orally. Intention
   The intention was to repeat the experience I had with a previous trip I had (same medicine and dose), about five weeks ago. You can see the full trip report here After doing some research and posting the last report here, I understood I had a Samadhi experience. I was shocked by the few glimpses I had of the Absolute, and could not really understand it.
   I also had the intention to try to get a healing trip. Some Background
   I have been doing Kriya Yoga daily for about seven months now, I am currently mastering the Mental Kriya lesson, as described in the book Leo recommends in his video. I also do concentration training, 20 to 30 min daily, and I also sit to meditate basically doing nothing before I go to sleep, for as long as I can remain seated.    I have started to feel more the energy moves trough my body and sometimes I can perceive the different frequencies of the Chakras very strongly, for example at the end of the Kriya session, during the concentration phase. This has also lead me to be able to meditate and rest doing nothing for longer periods, every time easier. This is how I know that I have been integrating the previous trips I had. Until more recently I have managed to start contemplating. The Trip
      So I made all the preparations, and at 15:15 took the medicine, then I seated, relaxed and drank some ginger tea, as it helps me avoid nausea and body load during the come-up phase. I listened to some hang drum meditation music, which I also find great during the come-up phase, during this time I also made some bi-lateral symmetry movements. I started to have some visuals, though this time not so strong as in previous trips. I then started looking at my hand to get grounded in actuality and I realized my fingers where moving very fast, almost as if there were vibrating. This is something that either I have not realized before or I had not experienced until this moment. I found it interesting and just let it be. Around the 30 min mark or so I decided to lay down on the floor, over a mat. As I was laying there on the stomach, and I was captivated by the fact that the mat was so close to my eyes and yet saw so infinite, endless and so far away.       I then suddenly entered this hyper-awareness state and directly recognized that it was this similar experience from the previous trip. The boundaries of my body simply were no more and I felt as if I was expanding very quickly, my breathing also slowed down a lot, up to the point I could not perceive it. I stopped listening to music as the effect of the medicine was getting stronger and decided to concentrate and go full into the experience. At some point, something made click inside me and I had this feeling that somehow I already knew all of this, as if it were and old memory from my childhood. It was as if I could remember I could access this hyper-awareness state when I was a kid, and I just remembered about it.       I then realized that, as the ego tried to take back control, I started to feel overwhelmed by the connection with the infinite and the whole experience, but had no fear or anxiety. At some point I changed position and put on a couple of ear caps, because there were some external distracting noises. I started to notice a lot of high frequency sounds, and I was able to reach a deeper/higher level of awareness and feel a very deep/strong connection God, in all directions and I also realized that I was in a state where time does not exists. I turned to look my hands in several occasions, trying to ground myself in reality and at least one time I remember I was not able to recognize them.       I find fascinating that I was very aware during the whole experience, that for moments I was not feeling the boundaries of my body, and yet I could move the eyes, I had then realization then that God had taken control of my eyes and was looking at Itself. It was also a very blissful state, a feeling of total completeness and full of love. And yet, as the ego was reassembling every time with more and more strength I started to feel that I was losing it, that I was going mad, as my brain was trying to conceptualize and reduce to ideas the greatness of this blissful state.       Around the 90 minutes mark I got really hungry and decided to go to the kitchen to eat something. I was still in this hyper-awareness state, in ecstasy and at the same time completely mat of being able to feel such a deep connection with God, so easily. I remember a moment I was standing by the window and being able to feel as if I were connected to everything and nothing, it was as if I could understand what a paradox is, for the first time, at the level of being. I had some food prepared, so heating it up in the microwave was not a very hard task, even tough I found my clumsy movements very funny.       I then started eating, and in the same time started to feel how the ego was getting reassembled. I had then this thought where I made the conscious decision to go back to the form state. And as I was making the decision to come back to the dream, this process just happened. I then get a glimpse of the infinite layers of consciousness that constitute reality and the self. And then the hyper-awareness state starts to fade away, I realize it by being able to see, feel and recognize my hand much more solid as I look at it. All of this happens as I hear my girlfriend getting in to the house, and getting closer to where I am. I get this last though as if I where reading the mind of God when she gets in the apartment. "Oh that is also me, but there I am not currently being aware of myself."       I then had a very nice evening with my girlfriend, trying to tell her what I had just experienced but I quickly realize that I just saw as a complete insane person to her, which just brought me to laugh. One thing I really like form psilocin is that it show my ways to be more social, to express my feelings and emotions more freely and easily, which I then see reflected in the conversations and interactions with others.       Around 7 pm (four hours after taking the medicine) I went for a walk in the forest, which starts very close to where I live. I then realized that I felt very balanced and complete and started to ask myself how could I integrate this and make it more permanent in my daily life. The next day I tried to reorganize thoughts and remember as much as I could, writing everything down, on the afternoon after doing some other stuff, I decided to smoke some weed and just try to relax and try to remember some more of the trip and concrete the insights I had. I know mixing weed with mushrooms/LSD is not a good idea, yet had tried a similar experience before where I had 100 ug LSD and the next day I smoked a little bit of weed and the experience of the LSD came back, in a peaceful way. But with this time it was different.     After I smoked I got shocked very deeply by the realization that we are all one, that it is only me here and I am always interacting with me, and I felt utterly and completely alone, I realized that I am just playing games with myself. I was like Oh my GOD!! With the mouth completely open. I got very scared, and realized that my ego was totally rejecting this realization. This time I really felt I was going really crazy and physically die, I guess I was confronted with the paradox again I was completely rejecting it.     I then started to panic, so I tried to sit down and meditate but it only got worse. I realized I was having a panic attack as I felt my blood pressure was increasing up to 130 bpm, and started to feel my body very hot. So I changed my clothes to something lighter, drank some juice and took a cold shower. The cold shower really helped me ground again. All of this happened in a lapse of 10-15 minutes, I then told my girlfriend I just had a panic attack because I had this strong realization that I could not accept and asked her to huge me. I felt so fucking humbled, as in that very moment I could understand what it means love myself, seeing me in everyone and everything. I then could finally relax and start to accept this deep insight. Conclusions
I got some powerful insights, from these mere glimpses in to the mind of God. I feel that for the very first time I had this realization/awakening at the level of being, that felt several orders of magnitude/dimensions greater than a rational/conceptual realization. I now know how following this path and accepting the unknown is a huge leap of faith, as I have never felt so scared in my life, and yet it comes with a great reward at the end, because deeply inside of me I can feel this deep connection with God. I got some understanding of what it means to be a singularity that has no diameter and it is yet infinite, infinite in every possible way. Also got some understanding of what a paradox is and how challenging and scary it can be when the mind tries to wrap around it, conceptualize it, and fails to merely accept it. At some point when my ego dissolved, and I remained being there, it was as if nothing had changed. This made me realize I am God, and as God in the formless state I cannot die and that I have nothing to fear!! I realized that this ego is just a part of me, and even after physical death happens it will remain in the vastness of God, forever. I also realized that time as I perceive it (linearly and progressing in just one direction), is just a projection of greater dimensions that are highly non-linear and it equally does not exists. I also see how I have to accept everything, and not just the things that the ego find good/acceptable for my survival agenda. I have been doing the different practices very rigorously every day, and because of this I can see strong gains and progress on every trip, something that keeps me motivated during the low-energy ego-backslash phases. I love being mind fucked, but it really scared the shit out of me that I felt I was at the verge of a psychotic breakdown, or about to die. Prior to this, I have not had so strong anxiety/panic attacks for more than a decade. They all used to happen by abusing weed, which made me stop using it. I know understand that during these previous bad trips with the weed, I may have had some strong realizations that I was not able to understand and accept. It is until just more recently that I have tried to approach weed again, in a much more calmed approach. I know that I made a mistake by smoking weed after taking the psilocin, and now I know that psychedelics are medicines that have to be highly respected. Questions
  By now I have had around ten psychedelic experiences between mushrooms and LSD, but just most recently I have started to feel that I am losing the sensation of reality and that I am going crazy. I have read that this is to be expected, but I just do not want to go in a wrong direction. I then started to question me, shall I expect this process of going mad to become more intense? Or may it be that I am going to fast? Is there anything that it can be done to make it lighter for the ego? Do you have any recommendations to better integrate the trips?   Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I hope that my experience be of help to you, who knows. As always, thanks a lot  the great community of actualized.org and to @Leo Gura for all his work and great teachings!