reves

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About reves

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  1. @Socrates I started with personal development work several years before getting to know Leo and actualized.org (did least five years of psychotherapy and some other stuff) more recently I started experimenting with psychedelics. Even though I considered I had dome some ground work, I have had some rude awakenings during some psychedelic sessions. They act like a catalyst and accelerate the whole process a lot.
  2. Wow awesome! for a moment I thought my trip report was way to long no body was going to get interested on reading it. After this rude awakening I have felt way more conscious of my feelings, emotions and in general of the present moment. I took the week of and I have been enjoying the afterglow just being. @Leo Gura @Inliytened1 Thanks for the encouragement, so I guess it only remains to keep on doing the work and purifying myself in order to reach higher states of consciousness. I know am still a newbie and I still have a lot of work to do, but I am already enjoying every bit of it. @Nahm This is some great piece of advice! Thanks a lot for the great explanation, I will put this into work @kieranperez Yes! I agree with you, just more recently I started contemplating my feelings, thoughts and emotions, and I am getting to a level of understanding that I had never reached before in life, simply because I never cared about contemplating these things, and just accepted them without question. And this is helping me improve my relationship with myself in ways I had never imagined. @bammy32 Yes it feels horrible and crazy, I think I managed to stay relative calm and not alarm my girlfriend only because I recognized I have had some similar anxious experiences and knew more or less what to do the next time I got to face one of this attacks. I also see that all the other activities I do, meditation, concentration etc.. helped me avoid overreacting, thanks a lot!
  3. Medicine 30 mg of 4-AcO-DMT, administered orally. Intention The intention was to repeat the experience I had with a previous trip I had (same medicine and dose), about five weeks ago. You can see the full trip report here After doing some research and posting the last report here, I understood I had a Samadhi experience. I was shocked by the few glimpses I had of the Absolute, and could not really understand it. I also had the intention to try to get a healing trip. Some Background I have been doing Kriya Yoga daily for about seven months now, I am currently mastering the Mental Kriya lesson, as described in the book Leo recommends in his video. I also do concentration training, 20 to 30 min daily, and I also sit to meditate basically doing nothing before I go to sleep, for as long as I can remain seated. I have started to feel more the energy moves trough my body and sometimes I can perceive the different frequencies of the Chakras very strongly, for example at the end of the Kriya session, during the concentration phase. This has also lead me to be able to meditate and rest doing nothing for longer periods, every time easier. This is how I know that I have been integrating the previous trips I had. Until more recently I have managed to start contemplating. The Trip So I made all the preparations, and at 15:15 took the medicine, then I seated, relaxed and drank some ginger tea, as it helps me avoid nausea and body load during the come-up phase. I listened to some hang drum meditation music, which I also find great during the come-up phase, during this time I also made some bi-lateral symmetry movements. I started to have some visuals, though this time not so strong as in previous trips. I then started looking at my hand to get grounded in actuality and I realized my fingers where moving very fast, almost as if there were vibrating. This is something that either I have not realized before or I had not experienced until this moment. I found it interesting and just let it be. Around the 30 min mark or so I decided to lay down on the floor, over a mat. As I was laying there on the stomach, and I was captivated by the fact that the mat was so close to my eyes and yet saw so infinite, endless and so far away. I then suddenly entered this hyper-awareness state and directly recognized that it was this similar experience from the previous trip. The boundaries of my body simply were no more and I felt as if I was expanding very quickly, my breathing also slowed down a lot, up to the point I could not perceive it. I stopped listening to music as the effect of the medicine was getting stronger and decided to concentrate and go full into the experience. At some point, something made click inside me and I had this feeling that somehow I already knew all of this, as if it were and old memory from my childhood. It was as if I could remember I could access this hyper-awareness state when I was a kid, and I just remembered about it. I then realized that, as the ego tried to take back control, I started to feel overwhelmed by the connection with the infinite and the whole experience, but had no fear or anxiety. At some point I changed position and put on a couple of ear caps, because there were some external distracting noises. I started to notice a lot of high frequency sounds, and I was able to reach a deeper/higher level of awareness and feel a very deep/strong connection God, in all directions and I also realized that I was in a state where time does not exists. I turned to look my hands in several occasions, trying to ground myself in reality and at least one time I remember I was not able to recognize them. I find fascinating that I was very aware during the whole experience, that for moments I was not feeling the boundaries of my body, and yet I could move the eyes, I had then realization then that God had taken control of my eyes and was looking at Itself. It was also a very blissful state, a feeling of total completeness and full of love. And yet, as the ego was reassembling every time with more and more strength I started to feel that I was losing it, that I was going mad, as my brain was trying to conceptualize and reduce to ideas the greatness of this blissful state. Around the 90 minutes mark I got really hungry and decided to go to the kitchen to eat something. I was still in this hyper-awareness state, in ecstasy and at the same time completely mat of being able to feel such a deep connection with God, so easily. I remember a moment I was standing by the window and being able to feel as if I were connected to everything and nothing, it was as if I could understand what a paradox is, for the first time, at the level of being. I had some food prepared, so heating it up in the microwave was not a very hard task, even tough I found my clumsy movements very funny. I then started eating, and in the same time started to feel how the ego was getting reassembled. I had then this thought where I made the conscious decision to go back to the form state. And as I was making the decision to come back to the dream, this process just happened. I then get a glimpse of the infinite layers of consciousness that constitute reality and the self. And then the hyper-awareness state starts to fade away, I realize it by being able to see, feel and recognize my hand much more solid as I look at it. All of this happens as I hear my girlfriend getting in to the house, and getting closer to where I am. I get this last though as if I where reading the mind of God when she gets in the apartment. "Oh that is also me, but there I am not currently being aware of myself." I then had a very nice evening with my girlfriend, trying to tell her what I had just experienced but I quickly realize that I just saw as a complete insane person to her, which just brought me to laugh. One thing I really like form psilocin is that it show my ways to be more social, to express my feelings and emotions more freely and easily, which I then see reflected in the conversations and interactions with others. Around 7 pm (four hours after taking the medicine) I went for a walk in the forest, which starts very close to where I live. I then realized that I felt very balanced and complete and started to ask myself how could I integrate this and make it more permanent in my daily life. The next day I tried to reorganize thoughts and remember as much as I could, writing everything down, on the afternoon after doing some other stuff, I decided to smoke some weed and just try to relax and try to remember some more of the trip and concrete the insights I had. I know mixing weed with mushrooms/LSD is not a good idea, yet had tried a similar experience before where I had 100 ug LSD and the next day I smoked a little bit of weed and the experience of the LSD came back, in a peaceful way. But with this time it was different. After I smoked I got shocked very deeply by the realization that we are all one, that it is only me here and I am always interacting with me, and I felt utterly and completely alone, I realized that I am just playing games with myself. I was like Oh my GOD!! With the mouth completely open. I got very scared, and realized that my ego was totally rejecting this realization. This time I really felt I was going really crazy and physically die, I guess I was confronted with the paradox again I was completely rejecting it. I then started to panic, so I tried to sit down and meditate but it only got worse. I realized I was having a panic attack as I felt my blood pressure was increasing up to 130 bpm, and started to feel my body very hot. So I changed my clothes to something lighter, drank some juice and took a cold shower. The cold shower really helped me ground again. All of this happened in a lapse of 10-15 minutes, I then told my girlfriend I just had a panic attack because I had this strong realization that I could not accept and asked her to huge me. I felt so fucking humbled, as in that very moment I could understand what it means love myself, seeing me in everyone and everything. I then could finally relax and start to accept this deep insight. Conclusions I got some powerful insights, from these mere glimpses in to the mind of God. I feel that for the very first time I had this realization/awakening at the level of being, that felt several orders of magnitude/dimensions greater than a rational/conceptual realization. I now know how following this path and accepting the unknown is a huge leap of faith, as I have never felt so scared in my life, and yet it comes with a great reward at the end, because deeply inside of me I can feel this deep connection with God. I got some understanding of what it means to be a singularity that has no diameter and it is yet infinite, infinite in every possible way. Also got some understanding of what a paradox is and how challenging and scary it can be when the mind tries to wrap around it, conceptualize it, and fails to merely accept it. At some point when my ego dissolved, and I remained being there, it was as if nothing had changed. This made me realize I am God, and as God in the formless state I cannot die and that I have nothing to fear!! I realized that this ego is just a part of me, and even after physical death happens it will remain in the vastness of God, forever. I also realized that time as I perceive it (linearly and progressing in just one direction), is just a projection of greater dimensions that are highly non-linear and it equally does not exists. I also see how I have to accept everything, and not just the things that the ego find good/acceptable for my survival agenda. I have been doing the different practices very rigorously every day, and because of this I can see strong gains and progress on every trip, something that keeps me motivated during the low-energy ego-backslash phases. I love being mind fucked, but it really scared the shit out of me that I felt I was at the verge of a psychotic breakdown, or about to die. Prior to this, I have not had so strong anxiety/panic attacks for more than a decade. They all used to happen by abusing weed, which made me stop using it. I know understand that during these previous bad trips with the weed, I may have had some strong realizations that I was not able to understand and accept. It is until just more recently that I have tried to approach weed again, in a much more calmed approach. I know that I made a mistake by smoking weed after taking the psilocin, and now I know that psychedelics are medicines that have to be highly respected. Questions By now I have had around ten psychedelic experiences between mushrooms and LSD, but just most recently I have started to feel that I am losing the sensation of reality and that I am going crazy. I have read that this is to be expected, but I just do not want to go in a wrong direction. I then started to question me, shall I expect this process of going mad to become more intense? Or may it be that I am going to fast? Is there anything that it can be done to make it lighter for the ego? Do you have any recommendations to better integrate the trips? Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I hope that my experience be of help to you, who knows. As always, thanks a lot the great community of actualized.org and to @Leo Gura for all his work and great teachings!
  4. I have a PhD on electrical engineering, finished about two years ago. Getting the degree helped me move from Latin-america to Europe and increase my quality of life. Those four years were great in terms of creativity, which is something I really like. I thought I would find something similar on the industry, but the past two years have been very frustrating, I have a full-time job as software engineer in a multinational company that develops automation systems for the food industry. Zero space for creativity, a lot of falsehood, cult-dynamics and almost everything is money-driven, there are a few good things like the salary and very low stress, but not worth it. So yes! I will definitely do not see me doing this on a long term, I am currently planning an strategy to actualize my life purpose and be more authentic.
  5. I have not yet tried Salvia but Martin B. Wall mentions his use in his book called Being Infinte, and he mentions that he really liked to work with this medicine.
  6. @okulele Awesome! I live near the forest and while the first hours of the trip I like to spend the at home (meditating, introspecting and just being) also because I find it pretty hard to move around when I use psychedelics. But once the first part of the trip has passed I like to go out to hike on the many roads here and get into the forest for a couple of hours. Sometimes it is as if the forest were calling me and I just go there for a couple of hours and find it marvelous, and from time to time I hear a deer and get totally scared. I guess instinct is one of the most hardest things to beat, so better run and find another spot to meditate than be eaten by something
  7. Thanks for the comments! @ajasatya @Inliytened1 @Leo Gura Yes I guess it goes way deeper. @kieranperez Yes it is so effective and so simple hehe, I really like it!
  8. Hello there! I have been experimenting with 1P-LSD and recently managed to get some 4-AcO-DMT. I also started doing daily practices about a year ago of meditation and concentration and around January started with Kriya Yoga. I have been feeling the power of the Kriya Yoga, since I started I have managed to meditate for longer periods and more clearly whereas before starting this practice I found it really hard to do. But anyway, I made all the preparations and around 2 pm I dissolved 30~ mg (the scale has an error of +- 3 mg) of 4-AcO-DMT on water and drank it on an empty stomach. Around 10 min later I started to feel the effects so I sat down always trying to remain in a symmetrical position as Martin Ball explains in his many books. The visual effects start to come in and I start to see all this fractal patterns everywhere, during this moment I drink a ginger tea because the 4-AcO sometimes gives me nausea effects. Almost every trip and specially at the beginning I feel really grateful for whatever it may come during the trip, and specially for having the opportunity to make this. It may be because of my religious background, I was raised as a catholic, but I am curious if any of you feel the same when you are tripping? About an hour after taking the medicine I decided to lay-down because I started feel really cold. I tried to remain in an open position and symmetric all the time and suddenly my hands start to move like doing infinite loops. I found this so funny because I had the impression that I was not directly controlling the movements, very symmetrical. I was in a very relaxed, meditative state, almost no monkey mind and I was asking questions like why sometimes I feel so disconnected from life? what is God? what is dead? All the time seeing these multi-dimensional, multi-color and formless fractals. At some point turn around and lay on the stomach, I then became very still and quiet and had no thoughts and then suddenly I get this insight, "forget to breath" and I felt as if my consciousness would elevate and merge with the Absolute, I felt its Infinity and Stillness so incredible and indestructible. I would then come and go into this non-dual state as I feel that the ego tries to regain control. It was so overwhelming, until now I have not experienced something like that with the eyes wide open and so present. I cannot really say if I really stopped breathing and for how many time or if my breathing slowed-down but it really felt as if was not breathing, however a difference to some previous trips is that I was very present and conscious. I have never felt so complete, so much in peace, so fearless so loved in my life it was Awesome. I didn't realized this at the moment it was happening and I remained on the bed like two hours completely shocked until the ego regained control and I started to understand what had just happened, I was like oh my god, what has just happened?! I then went into the kitchen to eat something and laughed and cried multiple times because my mind cannot simple wrap around the vastness of the Absolute. Some Conclusions I am still in the process of integrating and understanding what it was shown to me during the trip, but it hits me that every trip feels bigger and I get so see more and more complete. I also go into the trips with thousands of questions but the Truth always reveals by itself. I have also began to understand the process of deconstruction/construction of the self and how the ego starts to take control back. I also realized that I am very identified with thought and I have never considered that it could be another sense. I can see that I have still a long way to go, but it certainly feels great to feel the progress of doing the practices everyday, it really motivates me to keep walking the path. Questions Maybe the more experienced can help me understand what was that I experienced. My guess is that I got in a higher access concentration ego-less state or perhaps a glimpse of what Samadhi can be. Thanks a lot if you made it so far! I can only say that actualized.org and the teachings of @Leo Gura has helped me grow so much on the last year and I found this process every-time more exciting and interesting.
  9. I have tried both, I did psychotherapy for five years, at least one day a week, sometimes two. During that period I also used to smoke a lot of weed, which the therapist also knew of. She was not against me using it but also did not found it good, but during that period I used merely to escape the present situation I was living. I learn a lot of things, but I can now see in retrospective that I played a lot of ego games and it took me many time to talk the truth and not just mental masturbation to please the therapist or myself. And it only took me so far, after some time I just realized I could not go deeper so I stopped. More recently I have been meditating, doing Kriya yoga *daily at least 30 minutes a day) and psychedelics (LSD and mushrooms) every three weeks or so. I can definitely feel the progress is faster than psychotherapy, specially after a psychedelics session. Psychedelics are just great, however I can also see that in the past I could have become addicted and easily deluded without all the work I did with the psychotherapy and other self-help stuff I have been doing prior I started doing the psychedelics session. I would say that there are many therapist out there, and if you really want to try it you will find the right one. Good luck!
  10. I like both. I sit mostly when I do Kriya Yoga as Leo shows in his blog. It took me like six months to be able to sit like that for at least 30 minutes. And find it really good to stay alert. But I also like to lay down, specially when I do psychedelics and also because I have some lower-back problems. I find it perfectly fine, so what if you fall sleep? It can also be a very good meditation.
  11. I have tried them a couple of times now, and I liked them, you can read my trip reports. As the article says they have the same active compounds. Truffles can still be legally produced and sold in some European countries.
  12. I have also experienced the power of Modafinil during meditation. Although I have only taken it in small doses, 30 to 50 mg max, mostly to overcome a very busy day, but even during these conditions when I sat to meditate I felt it was lighter as other days when I have not taken it. Anyway good luck! And please keep us informed of your experience.
  13. @Wisebaxter hi there, thanks for reading! Yes I am really enjoying psychedelics, at least the Atlantis truffles. I guess I will try the hotel route, as I want to do every two weeks or at least once a month. Let's see how it goes, I am planning to try 1P-LSD.