winterknight

I am enlightened. Sincere seekers: ask me anything

3,622 posts in this topic

Just now, Sashaj said:

I have explored ad nauseam

I just want it all to end, to be free of all this shit that is "life"

I am not familiar with ad nauseam 

You sound to be suffering. :( 

I know what that feels like...what if you drop the whole shabang? The mind made story of you 

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@DrewNows  I had a deep enlightenment experience 6 months ago after decades of practice. Unfortunately it was short lived and now I am suffering more than ever. I will drop everything but it won't bring peace this time. I need to accept the hell that I have been flung into 

Edited by Sashaj

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8 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

@DrewNows  I had a deep enlightenment experience 6 months ago after decades of practice. Unfortunately it was short lived and now I am suffering more than ever. I will drop everything but it won't bring piece this time. I need to accept the hell that I have been flung into 

I see. What if you don’t exist and enlightenment cannot happen to you

Can you take responsibility for all the hell you’ve been flung into? I believe this is how you can accept that the suffering is the sufferer

All the decades of practice is part of the story of you. Time is also part of you

can you see this? 

Edited by DrewNows

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9 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

I have had decades of seeking to no avail. This is all misery, I think within a few weeks I will end it all. Its been a trying process

I'm sorry you're in such pain.

Ok, tell me what you've done for your decades of seeking. What have you read? Which teachers have you learned under? Which techniques tried? Have you gotten psychotherapy, if so, for how long and of which type? And what else have you done?


Website/book/one-on-one spiritual guidance: Sifting to the Truth: A New Map to the Self

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49 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I see. What if you don’t exist and enlightenment cannot happen to you

Can you take responsibility for all the hell you’ve been flung into? I believe this is how you can accept that the suffering is the sufferer

All the decades of practice is part of the story of you. Time is also part of you

can you see this? 

Yes I see it conceptually only. My entire field pf vision has turned back into conceptual filter stronger than ever.

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44 minutes ago, winterknight said:

I'm sorry you're in such pain.

Ok, tell me what you've done for your decades of seeking. What have you read? Which teachers have you learned under? Which techniques tried? Have you gotten psychotherapy, if so, for how long and of which type? And what else have you done?

Ive been meditating on and off for decades. I lived in a forest monestry in Laos for some time and practiced under the Thai forest tradition with lineage back to the buddha

All that is bullshit anyway. It is a vehicle like all of these practices. Unfortunately I have lost faith in this whole thing. I think my enlightenment experience was a delusion. 

I no longer believe in the idea of enlightenment or that I can be free of myself. I have regressed completely and am exhausted

Edited by Sashaj

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2 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

Ive been meditating on and off for decades. I lived in a forest monestry in Laos for some time and practiced under the Thai forest tradition with lineage back to the buddha

All that is bullshit anyway. It is a vehicle like all of these practices. Unfortunately I have lost faith in this whole thing. I think my enlightenment experience was a delusion. 

Sashaj you need this. See if it helps a bit or not

 


''Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather''

- Bill Hicks

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7 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

Yes I see it conceptually only. My entire field pf vision has turned back into conceptual filter stronger than ever.

Great. Well see if it can become more than simply concepts. Have you taken psychedelics? They can be of use to the blind spots in your own bullshit 

Edited by DrewNows

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@Sashajthings will start to make sense when you drop the assumptions. Don’t take my word or anyone else’s about how things work without verifying/investigating. All the best 

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@DrewNows  Yes I've done psychedelics and had amazing breakthrough experiences and became one with God, rode wild unicorns through the clouds etc :)

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1 minute ago, DrewNows said:

@Sashajthings will start to make sense when you drop the assumptions. Don’t take my word or anyone else’s about how things work without verifying/investigating. All the best 

OK thanks for your help

I know what afflicts me but it is somehow stuck where as in another time I could see through it. Its like a severe ego revenge attack. Brutal. And a strong feeling of the old me. Yuck

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18 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

Ive been meditating on and off for decades. I lived in a forest monestry in Laos for some time and practiced under the Thai forest tradition with lineage back to the buddha

All that is bullshit anyway. It is a vehicle like all of these practices. Unfortunately I have lost faith in this whole thing. I think my enlightenment experience was a delusion. 

I no longer believe in the idea of enlightenment or that I can be free of myself. I have regressed completely and am exhausted

Ok - so suppose enlightenment is all BS. Why is life so painful otherwise?


Website/book/one-on-one spiritual guidance: Sifting to the Truth: A New Map to the Self

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@winterknight  Its painful because of desire. Wanting and craving. And wanting things to be different to what they are now. Why not just drop this wanting? I don't know why I can't

 

And wanting to be free. And wanting to drop it. The entire act is the suffering

Edited by Sashaj

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3 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

OK thanks for your help

I know what afflicts me but it is somehow stuck where as in another time I could see through it. Its like a severe ego revenge attack. Brutal. And a strong feeling of the old me. Yuck

Yes we cannot bypass our identity unfortunately. All I can suggest is to be aware of the old you that returns. Learn as much as you possibly can from it 

within the old you is the key to liberation 

cheers 

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Just now, Sashaj said:

@winterknight  Its painful because of desire. Wanting and craving. And wanting things to be different to what they are now. Why not just drop this wanting? I don't know why I can't

Why not stop trying to drop the wanting and just allow the wanting and craving and pain to go on, just as it likes?


Website/book/one-on-one spiritual guidance: Sifting to the Truth: A New Map to the Self

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5 minutes ago, winterknight said:

Why not stop trying to drop the wanting and just allow the wanting and craving and pain to go on, just as it likes?

I feel like I need to hold it for longer, I am trying to destroy the ego...with the ego? I think

I feel like the truth is hiding in the pain. But im not sure. IM afraid that Im doing it all wrong

Edited by Sashaj

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Just now, Sashaj said:

I feel like I need to hold it for longer, I am trying to destroy the ego...with the ego? I think

Yes. Maybe for you, that's the issue.

Why not stop trying to do all that? If the ego wants to run wild let it. If there's pain and craving and desire, let there be all that.

No need to drop any of those things. Just let them stay.


Website/book/one-on-one spiritual guidance: Sifting to the Truth: A New Map to the Self

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5 minutes ago, winterknight said:

Yes. Maybe for you, that's the issue.

Why not stop trying to do all that? If the ego wants to run wild let it. If there's pain and craving and desire, let there be all that.

No need to drop any of those things. Just let them stay.

It could be. I am afraid to let my ego run wild due to conditioning ie ego is bad and all that. And my ego will take me away from practice

My last breakthrough came after extreme existential pain. Maybe I feel like I need the same pain to take me back to the peace that I felt last year?

I used to have a healthy "observor" sub mind character but that guy is gone now. It must be tension, severe craving for peace. So silly isn't it. I know conceptually what afflicts me but another part of me can't let go. My "I" characters are in conflict

Edited by Sashaj

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I am feeling better now. Something must have cleared, for now

Reading all of my bullshit is quite sobering haha

Thank you @winterknight, @DrewNows

Edited by Sashaj

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