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@MarkKol Right thanks. And here is another very toxic/threatening message he posted to a user : https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/89530-awakened-now-what/?page=3

For me there was a desire to leave my family too and go live in the woods somewhere but I did stay. That's something I'm very grateful for today because they do give me great joy to be around. I think that for a time after an awakening I tended to get very easily triggered and it hurt so much. As I worked through those triggers they weren't much of an issue. I had the tendency to try to "protect" myself from triggers but what I really protected was the part of me that hadn't already awakened.

Dude how are you going to put down Ralston Hawkins and Wilber. You must not have awakened at all because their books are so helpful. Especially Ralston. You must just be not getting it because if you follow those books you don't need this personal self help shit because you're so conscious that you are free to be authentic. Ralston talks a ton about the importance of radical honesty btw

Hi all, I’d like to know how psychedelics have changed your life - have you awakened to greater levels of self love? Are you living life more consciously? What impact have psychedelics had on your well-being and how you function in the world? Have you seen an improvement in your quality of life? Anyone used them to help overcome trauma? thanks

I finally did it, I finally had my first DMT experience! I've been waiting for this moment for two years, and finally found it. The experience was the exact opposite of what I expected. This trip was ALL about rooting, grounding, reconnecting with motivation for life, rekindling that passion for matter, for flesh and bones. I was expecting a very lofty and nondual trip, but DMT didn't give me what I wanted, it gave me what I NEEDED THE MOST. Grounding into my best possible life. I have tried several psychedelics, received huge benefits from them, also gone to therapy for two years and changed my psyche into a healthier and more balanced version, recovering almost entirely from depression and anxiety, but.... DMT has accomplished what no amount of therapy or LSD (or other psychs) could never accomplish: It gave me back my SPIRITUAL CONNECTION TO LIFE AND MATTER, a love for life I've never had in the past. Maybe the most incredible part is that the trip itself was not the peak of the experience. The peak was my walk through the riverside where I received so many insights into life and felt such a powerful love for the human experience. Setting: in my car for the actual trip, walking along the riverside for the afterglow Dose: 10-12 mg (my scale is not that accurate) It was definitely a light trip, no visuals, no time distortion, no mystical states, just everyday life and LOTS of powerful emotions Duration: 15 mins trip, 2 hours of very intense afterglow rich of insights I don't even know where to start. Words fail me. It was too much, even though the experience was completely ordinary, it was SO SHOCKINGLY PROFOUND at the same time. Perceptions were the same old ones, but the emotions that this trip evoked in me were out of this world. Love for life, love for my humanity, love for matter, love for this limited flawed experience, love and gratitude for having so much to live here and now. THE TRIP ITSELF The trip was just me, in my car, with ordinary reality and ordinary perceptions, realizing just how scared of life and of living fully I am. That's it. I cried a lot, I sighed a lot, It felt so good, I was letting it all out. It's ok, I am scared of life, I've been hurt, I have felt lost for so long (it's important to say that my life is getting better and better in the recent years, but this trip just revealed to me how deeply scared and damaged I've been my whole life and how I'm still scared and weak even after all the progress). I want to be free to connect with people, I want to be free to love others, I want to be free to be real, authentic, to be open-hearted. Lots of tears, mixed with the joy of feeling pure, feeling DEEPLY alive, once again. I thought I had regained my liveliness in the recent years, which is true, but this was a NEW LEVEL of life-passion, a new sparkle of fire, a purer kind of light. THE AFTERGLOW (2 hours) I went for a long walk along the river, where I saw people talking, people with their dogs, birds, the clear mirroring water, and cried a lot, sometimes of compassion for myself, sometimes of love and gratitude for being inside this human experience, gratitude for recognizing the gift of life itself. It was spirituality getting back to the Earth, to the roots. Here are the insights I got, most of them are covered in tears and sighs: 1. I was getting lost in the heavens. Too much spiritual seeking of the nondual states, especially sober. This made me detached from the earth and from the gift of life. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INSIGHT, and mother to all others. I expected a trip into the sky, but I was instead sent deep into the earth, to regain connection with material life and its spiritual dimension. 2. Material life is spiritual. I was creating a sneaky duality where only meditative and self-inquiring states were becoming "the serious way to live". I was sooooo wrong!!! Earth is spirit. Blood is spirit. Pain is spirit. Flesh and bones are spirit. I was escaping into nonduality, creating some sort of dissociation from life. 3. The small things are the great things. Seeing those people with their dogs made me cry. I never realized how much light and wonder there is in these ordinary everyday situations. I deeply felt the magic of these people going out with the dog they loved and cared for. Life is full of experience, and experience is a gift. 4. Stop littering. I have always been a pro-ecology person, but recently I have started littering unconsciously because of some kind of frustration. I realized how much love and care I can show to life and to the absolute by just CARING about my Earth. By keeping these tissues and papers for myself to throw in a bin after is a sign of spiritual love for this place. This place has been given to me by God. I am not going to litter anymore. 5. Stop being so cautious around people. Life is meant to be messy and to be both a challenging and pleasant experience. You will be safe, but you need to be more vulnerable and open to people. You can choose to be less introverted and connect with new people. In fact I realized how much I want new connections and new friends, and how my fear is getting in the way of my desires. 6. Life is all about desire and passion. Life is also about awakening, but you CAN NOT use awakening as a dissociating tool to reduce pain from life. Pain is spirit. Suffering is spirit. You cannot avoid the messiness of life and awaken. So the insight repeats: get back to the roots, get back into the dirt and you will find spirit there. 7. You have moved towards the sky a bit too much recently. Move towards the earth. New levels of the awakening path will await you there, downwards, not upwards. You cannot grow your branches up in the sky if you are not growing your roots, or you will dissociate from life or even become psychotic. Be wise. 8. Fear is spirit. But don't let fear become an excuse. Fear is spirit, meaning that fear is a phenomenon of spirit, it appears in the spirit, but it is not a real ostacle to living life fully. Learn from it, don't get mesmerized by it. 9. Do not fear to love people deeply. Yes, you will get hurt again. It will benefit you, you are more awake now (not awakened, but just more awake than in the past), and you can grow and benefit from heartbreak. It will not damage you anymore. Living fully is feeling passions fully. This is how God meant it to be. 10. God is below. Not really above. It's a delusion of religion. God is in the small things. 11. DMT could not give you a lofty trip because that's not what grows you spiritually. What grows you spiritually is FINDING THE MAGIC IN LIFE, finding that LOVE IN CRUDE MATTER. The dirty raw soil you hold in your hands IS GOD!!!! It's not some lofty fantastical idea of being in pure bliss and light. Realize how much love and wonder there is in this raw chaotic and imperfect soil. It vibrates with passion for itself. DMT had to show you this, because spirituality is all about loving what is, not loving what you expect to be. I want to share this raw imperfect and impulsive poem, because that's something REAL I've felt, It's messy and intense, as life it's meant to be. As God wants it to be. Earth or heaven It doesn't matter Where you look for it God is found In Earth full of bones Leave the sky Drop your hopes Just feel it here It runs in you The pulse of blood The scorching sun The freezing air A cry of despair A tear of hope All of this just is The breath of God Do not seek elsewhere Just dive through The shades of life ❤️❤️❤️ Thanks DMT. I will come back.

If you had fully awakened to what is being called 'god-realization' then all the layers of 'finite dreams' disappear just like when one awakens from sleeping their sleep dreams disappear, What some may call 'god-realization', it is observing 'what is' without it being the 'dream'. Until one realizes it, this perception cannot be described because it is ineffable. Except people then try to describe the indescribable going on for many words on concepts of paradigms blah blah. They have their description of their 'truth' which ironically is nearly always borrowed from people they read or heard and the cultural conditioning. So primed by others then imagined in their own spiraling story about 'what is'. Ultimately we are simply being aware even if there is no story, being aware just is with or without story.

Hello dear community, This topic could also fit right in the Personal Development section, but I feel I mainly need experienced and wise perspectives on that matter regarding creating my life. I invite those of you to comment here who went through a conscious decision to create your life despite fear. Please look over my rather spiritual-feeling descriptions if they bug you. It is how I relate to myself and how I can accurately describe where I am in life. I made the most important points bold. Background and values: Currently, I am in a position in life where my biotech studies (14-15 months left) don't interest me anymore, and I want to live in a SD Green community. Notice that I never did such drastic shift in my life, as I was always playing the game of the social matrix. I chose my studies on autopilot because biology was something I was interested and good at in school. During my studies, my interest shifted to psychology and all the stuff Actualized.org is about. During my studies my main focus became personal development and I explored many SD Green training and retreats, primarily about psychology, emotions, needs, shamanism, neo-tantra. I too got into psychedelics till I had traumatizing experiences 1.5 years ago which lead to depersonalization-derealization which is present for me each day (but I become better in stabilizing it). I am now 24 years old and feel that I wasted the last years, which also includes having been overly cognitive with contemplating actualized.org topics and less putting my vision and LP out there. I haven't even come to my LP, despite having Leo's LP course. I feel guilt and shame in that regard. Like a “looser” living in their mom's basement smoking weed for years. This New Year's I was at a SD Green gathering (like a small co-created festival for community and inner work) which made it clearer to me that I am not interested anymore in my studies. This internal knowing already came up when I started my research internship in a lab 3 months ago and noticed that the lab environment is not for me (sterile, constant medium ventilation noise, highly cognitive peers, in the city center). Even though I am surrounded by PhD's and post-docs and knowing that not everybody needs to be at their level, I too noticed that I'm not that intelligent in this conceptual-intellectual area. My intelligence lies more in the human mind, seeing where people are and relating to humans. Being led by intuition in creating internal understanding in other people. This Green gathering brought about an inner shift. It's like a primordial energy was awakened in me and all ungrounded things in my home were thrown into the air, creating chaos. It feels like my plans and values about my life have been busted, and I got to integrate that and orient myself now in limbo. This orienting is not intellectual but rather more subconsciously going on and the only thing for me is to take everything in and become still. I know that eventually something will arise from this, and till then I'm introspecting and contemplating small things of how to move forward. Still, there is the German conditioning urging me to know where to go and create a plan. This conditioning goes against the internal resting and quiet incubation, which also includes going and exploring the world, not knowing what may come next. Right now, I continue life and I'm acting as if this inner shift hasn't happened, but I know that it cannot go on this way. I would go against my integrity. I like to connect my inner personal development work to being in community and I want to have the feeling of directly contributing to the community. Through that I want to serve and lift them up, empower them and for them to share that vision of empowerment and unshakable drive and love for the world, resulting in a tiny level-up for the whole globe. Future considerations and financial position: I can continue my studies, knowing that I don't like to work in that field after graduation. It would be a source of income after graduation. I am on that path right now. I like to go into psychology, but I imagine that it may be just another lifeless topic without the real human aspect. So, I don't want to be a therapist. In the past, I liked to coach people and lead them to healthier perspective. But there are already enough coaches out there. I judge that most of the actualized people who share their LP here fall in a trap of becoming coaches, like it being the most no-brainer way of doing life with the actualized knowledge. Most of my friends that I got to know through actualized are coaches. Still fresh in my mind: I'm creating small plans of quitting my studies, learning PHP coding in a month (read about it here), earning money and just working 2h a day for a comfortable income, and exploring what I want to create in my life while being able to work remotely. However, I didn't like coding in school and would just do it for the money. I already ate up thousands of € during my studies and I still have 7k € left. It feels childish and naive of me to ask and show my position here, considering that on paper it isn't thought-out and time-wise quite fresh to seriously think about it. I already shared this with the gathering organizer and my coach (both SD Green). They encouraged me to follow that inner knowing and go out of the mainstream system (biotech). To let go of my hard thinking and let in a softness and ease of creating my life and letting go that neurotic controlled & planned-out-life urge. They have a good grasp on identity and community. Their bias is that they made drastic changes from a stuck Orange position over to a Green lifestyle and are now giving sessions to people, be it tantric massage, sex coaching, or astrology reading. I ask you to share your perspectives. I don't plan to literally follow advice, but I like to be influenced in my future path by your input. Thank you very much. I'd love your input @LfcCharlie4@Michael569@The0Self@flowboy.

Psychedelics have completely changed how my mind functions, in a good way! I feel like it has awakened the potential of my right brain (I'm a righty). My thought pattern becomes more and more intuitive and nonlinear! And I get tons of insights every single day from my consciousness now, which is amazing and has become my deepest joy in everyday life. Lastly it's made me more in touch with my feminine side. Well, if you want to be a real man, you need to embrace your feminine side and girls actually love that! In short, I become more wise, intuitive, compassionate, loving and holistic.

Maybe you are attracting them? Last time I had such a thing happen to me was when I had entered the hypnogogic sate(You do this by falling asleep, consciously). This was one of my first few times so I naturally got a little scared. As soon as a sliver of fear made way into my mind, a demon started manifesting itself right in front of me. I was terrified and the fear multiplied, I forcefully awakened myself. I notice this only happens when I have fear lurking in mind. It's like such experiences are attracted to that kind of state. Even thinking of "What if I was afraid?" manifests more fear. In your situation, it's no doubt you have all of this going in your mind, and if you have opened your mind to a degree where you sleep is 'open'(that is, not limited to memories), it'd be no surprise why you keep getting attacked. I have heard a brief story. Once there was yogi meditating in the night under a tree. He was thirsty so he went to the nearby river to fill some water in his container. He reached the river, filled it with water and was about to leave. He turned back and in front of him was a terrible face, covered in blood, piercing eyes and fangs ready to attack. The sheer terror this face gave off was enough to make a grown man run. This was anyone's worst nightmare. Standing in the dark, in front of this being. The Yogi saw it, no emotion arose within him, he passed the entity and went back to meditate. The entity left. Obviously, this could be much more. I don't know if demons can attack you regardless of state. I am not that experienced in these affairs. I simply do not possess enough knowledge and experience in this field so take what I have said with a grain of salt.

In my experience, the common consciousness that we share. When i experienced my non dual awakening, my friend was very strangely having the exact same experience at the same time(i shared with him the self inquiry tehnique the same time i found out about it). So we both had the experience of we are one, at the exact same time, after roughly a year and a half of dedicated self inquiry, Several times, it felt like we were in each other's head. This experience happened in several bursts, then a final burst that lasted for 3 days(no psychidelic experience) Whenever a "burst" happened, its as if we both knew a burst was happening in the other, and were driving each other's minds into "it". We were both unphased but fully aware of what was happening. This sense of being "connected" was also shared with 2 complete strangers, which left me wondering if they were also truly awakened, or the saying "everyone is already awake" is really somewhat true

Intermezzo. During the break, I would like to invite Ladies and Gentlemen for a short meditation/contemplation of The Nature of That Which Is to remain Awakened; we don't fall asleep! Now, briefly about the so-called God Realization. As long as the Consciousness plays with the Form - in this case, the Being - the so-called Spiritual - Experiencing Humanity, and is strongly connected with this Form, then communicating the Realization of God through this Form is, by your admission, ridiculous. Form, by its very nature, has boundaries that define it. The source Is Infinite. The One is manifested through the Infinite Multiplicity of Forms. Each is unique and is an expression of the One. You can return to the state of being One, but first, fully consciously give up any form of your own free will. Until then, We Are The Unity Of Diversity. Period.

Life is so vast, that intellect and logic are unable to contain it. Life contains logic and intellect that is part of man. Logic parts life in an attempt to grasp its immensity and in which man feels an existential angst. Science is to know the exterior objective physical world, religion is to know the interior subjective world of man. The subject of which is an abyss to the intellect, for the source of who we are, that is God, is vast. A part can’t contain the whole, but is contained by it. We are in a intellectual abyss for we are trying to grasp an abyss beyond logic and duality (subjective), with an intellect that is logical and dual (objective) Man is lost in translation, the translation of realms and dimensions that he is betwixt. The realm of logic and love. Metaphysics is about that which is beyond physics, beyond the laws of the physical world, for we exist within the spiritual,within God, not without. Logic deduces the whole to its parts. In deduction exists reduction. The part tries to get to the whole that is larger than itself. The physical world follows logic, the other world is beyond logic. Logic is science, what is beyond logic is religious. Science is about the seen world, religion about the unseen. It is not that God is dead, but that we are dead to the world of God. People who sense something beyond the objective materialist world, are correct, but not in their interpretation and application of it to the world of physical laws. They try to impose the metaphysical which is illogical and infinite to the physical which is logical and finite. Both exist, but in their respective realms, within reality. Reality encompasses realms, a certain realm cant encompass and be imposed on reality. To fit the metaphysical onto the physical is the issue. We are not apart from the metaphysical, but in process with it, and yet we try to part ourself from it in order to grasp it with our intellect of which it can only grasp the part and not the whole. To tie this into politics, the far left lean into subjective reality denying the objective, the far right objective reality at the cost of the subjective. The spirit is bifurcated through biology but longs to transmute that to which it is born into, back to its source, unity. The trans movement,whether in biology or humanism appeals to the spirit of man but not in the expression it takes in society. It is a hijacking and misinterpretation of the spiritual instinct to transcend biology and be free from the flesh. Man wants to transcend the duality of his biology, not transmix biology. If we are subjects experiencing the objective world, then the question arises who is the subject, who am I? Beasts know not that they are, man knows that he is, but not who he is. An awakened one, a prophet knows who he is. Ordinary man is in limbo between these dimensions. The external world is dual, dialectic, syllogistic, logically a place of cause and effect, thesis and antithesis. The interior world is in its essence synthesised. Synthesis isn’t external but internal, of the spirit that is one. We try to synthesis that essence, externally. Mans trouble is his sense of being between the duality of realms, lacking the awareness and comprehension of his oneness amongst the duality. His struggle and angst is in comprehending, translating, and existing between these realms, to be in the world and not of it. To partake in life, without parting himself from it through the means of his intellect, which tries to fragment the tapestry of the life to its parts in an attempt to feel at ease with it. The finite can only hold the finite, the mind makes the infinite finite for its sake. To hold life's essence is to be-hold it. To behold, one must first be. The intellect, a lousy master but a good servant clouds this being. Empty the mind and be, to behold life and be held by the essence that is life, that is to be with the infinite, dis-embodied yet embodied. Logic asks why, love asks why not. Logic reduces life to its part, love raises life to its whole. Logic is the realm of the physical world of cause and effect, love the realm of the spiritual world of union. Logic is causal minded, love is union felt. Logic goes through the part, love through the whole. Logic is linear, life non-linear, circular. Alchemising itself. A straight line, taken to its end will circle the earth back to itself. A line is part of a circle, yet we focus only on the line. Behold, the circle of life.

Also the reason most guru's or enlightened/awakened people don't do much is because when you had glimpses of the true self you will know that all knowledge is within you , in another words you become omniscient. In the omniscient state you're literally an open channel for god, every question you ask in your mind it comes with an answer not from you. But ultimately in this omniscient state you also know that everything is an illusion, since every question can be answered with different perspectives and there is no true answer.

The only question you should be asking is if you really felt this way you wouldn't waste your time on here arguing otherwise. There is no distinction if you truly awakened you would know that.

I appreciate the feedback, fellas. Not sure. Further depth to experiencing what is, perhaps... though I do think a relentless pursuit of more "depth" is overrated. Balance is the key, to balance depth and breadth. Aside from that, life content; after finding fulfillment within we're free to truly pursue fulfillment without. Putting in the effort is one thing. Getting something out of that effort is another. Isaac Newton's work in alchemy, for example, was very deep and thorough and led him nowhere. His work in mathematics and astronomy was also very deep, and led him towards incredible progress. I think it is clear that some paths lead somewhere and other do not, regardless of the effort. My question is, is this "god-realization" stuff actually going to improve one's life? If so, for how long? *Even paths which lead to "nowhere" are still life content and add to one's fulfillment, so his time spent wasn't wasted, but it's fulfillment potential probably wasn't maximized. I think the notion of "God" is a muddy one, thrown around too much. I feel that trying to construe experiences and epiphanies into being somehow related to God is likely to derail you from the clear beauty of existence. Could you say that the beauty of existence is God? Sure, Spinoza other pantheists do just that. I'd rather just leave the term behind and just accept what we know [I am], and embrace what seems most likely to be true [our lives, our sense perceptions, and the measured and calculated (and yet to be calculated) cosmos]. I'm not sure that "realizing that you are God" is beneficial to living a more spiritual and fulfilled life. Have as many 5-MeO-DMT trips as you'd like, you could still be flat wrong about the metaphysical conclusions you make based on the mental impressions and experiences you have while tripping (or meditating, etc.). Is it not more pure to accept that we are unsure why we're here, or who or what created us, or what consciousness even is, but that we do exist, and this in and of itself is a miracle? In short, this is what fuels me personally. I've heard of this price. A girl named Suzanne on YouTube did a pretty good run down of the costs of truly losing ego. I do understand the great benefits involved with mostly losing your ego and not letting it run your mind, and of the next stages of (if you have no ego you are no individual; if you are no individual you are all). But I believe I have attained these benefits without the price, and, more importantly, without making existential conclusions which might be wrong. You might be right, of course, but you might be wrong. My favorite strategy when I don't know for sure is to accept that I don't know for sure, and worship what's leftover. This was an excellent post you made, exactly what I was hoping to hear from someone on this path. A detailed run-down of the benefits. Thanks for sharing. The benefits seem extreme and very pragmatic. In particular, the acquirement of complete willpower seems very intriguing. I am curious, could you keep updated with the long-term benefits? Most people who attain such an awakening seem to living the good life for a time, but they tend to come down from it, and re-enter a state which is closer to their default state. It is still certainly better than their default state, but not quite where they were during the climax of their awakening. The awakened self seems to take a back-seat. If this is true, and it has seemed to be true for most people I've seen on this path, then it isn't an excellent cost-benefit ratio. We've all heard of people spending years, even decades pursuing this sort of awakening. The brightest flames burn the fastest. I'm more interested in an even, unstoppable bed of embers, able to turn anything thrown atop it into fuel for fulfillment. Will this awakening you had both burn brightly and lay an unstoppable bed of embers? It might. I'd love to hear how it goes. I'm pretty sure this is possible; I know he gets somewhat mixed reviews on places like this forum, but Eckhart Tolle seemed to have experienced the bright flames and also laid an unstoppable bed of embers. But I certainly do think this is the exception, not the norm. Escaping the ego's grip and gaining the feeling of no longer being an individual but "all" of existence. This is a practical, even scientific perspective to hold... yet, it is only a half-truth. We are all and we are an individual. Entirely and permanently throwing out the Ego would be to embrace a lie, and it would very possibly result in your near-immediate death and/or very immoral behavior. In my eyes it is better to balance the ego-less true state of cosmic existence, with the fact that you also have the privilege of being an individual, and to realize that you wouldn't want it any other way. This was really well put, I get what you're saying. There's a flavor of Taoism to your words, as well as Stoicism. I do see the pragmatism you've explained here, I think these are benefits I've adopted as well. I did this without identifying myself with God, however. Yes, It can be frustrating when you can't give someone a glimpse of your perspective. I agree, my original post is just an opinion, of course. An opinion that I suspected everyone here would disagreed with, which is why I chose this forum to post it. I may play with this god-realization path, but my time is precious... I've already attained what I *think* are the benefits through an entirely different path, but I surely do not have any sense of "I am God". I and all is divine, yes. All is a miracle worthy of our utmost veneration, yes. Maybe I'm being a bit hung-up on the way God is being used in this context. Perhaps we just mean different things. For me, a definition of "God" would be: the force(s) behind our consciousness. Or: the reason we're conscious.

I just wrote this in response to no thing, and was like damn, that is some good shit I wrote haha jk. In all seriousness. I think the following advice can make the post awakening process smoother fo those who have recently had an awakening. "Not sure if you have recently had an awakening or not. I will just share a story with you. Once adyashanti was speaking at his sangha. One of his audience members who hd an awakening walked up on stage. Grabbed tge mic from audio and started babbling truths. like he knows everything and adya does not get it like him. Upon awakening one does feel like that. Most also become very opinionated on the path. Enlightenment and etc. I personally did shit like this for a long while, but the more you process the realization one has upon awakening. The humbler you become, and the more you understand that although you are truth. You do not understand it and the infinite ways it can express itself. My point? Chill bro. You are at the begglinning of something great. Dont let ego hijack your vehicle and drive you off course though. Gl"

As a polytheist, I often get irked by the tendency of monotheists (Christians in particular) to treat all pagan gods as demons and to fail to acknowledge the difference between a god and a demon. This comes from ignorance and medieval superstition, but is super common even today. So, I’ll attempt to establish a syncretic perspective based on my own experiences, that of others and the extensive literature from polytheistic religions that are now available to us. The oldest religion of which we have written records is Sumerian Polytheism, which is most likely a major influence on other world religions in ways we are only beginning to discover. In Sumer, both gods and demons were feared to a certain degree, from which we get the modern concept of “fear of God”. Fear of the gods was born from the acknowledgement of the immense power they wielded over mortal affairs, as they were believed to be responsible for major disasters, floods, famines, pestilence, etc… It was believed that gods would punish mortals both collectively and individually if they were found to deviate from the righteous and moral code of conduct that was prescribed to them in scripture. This belief endures today, with many preachers from various religions blaming natural disasters and pandemics on the supposed immoral conduct of the population. Gods were also often representative of forces of nature and in particular the planets and stars that resided in Heaven. The movement of heavenly bodies was seen as a precursor to natural disasters, which the ancients surmised through a careful observation of the sky over thousands of years, making astrology and astronomy a crucial aspect of religion and society in general. It remains so in India in particular, where nary a major decision is made without consulting the stars first. Even in the modern West many people continue to study the stars to try and decipher their fates and the will of the gods. In Sumer, gods, in particular, the seven chief Anunna gods, were believed to be responsible for weaving the fate of humans, like a strand in a lattice or web of intertwined fates. Whilst fate was largely fixed, the gods could be petitioned to change the fates of mortals if the right libations, sacrifices, offerings, etc… were made. This was common across all polytheistic religions, remains widespread in Hinduism and has seen a revival in Western neo-paganism and occultism. A magic spell is basically just a ritual to petition a god to change some aspect of fate that the mortal might be unhappy with, or a plea for a more favourable outcome. A common characteristic across most ancient religions is the way the gods were seen, generally with a propensity to shine. They were seen as beings of light, which is also why they were associated with the stars and planets. Some gods were literally depicted as shining stars, such as Inanna-Ishtar, whose symbol was a shining eight-pointed star. His brother Utu-Shamash, representing the Sun, had a very similar symbol associated with him. In proto-Indo-European the gods were called Deyvos, which means shining ones. From this we get Sanskrit Deva, Latin Deus and Greek Dios. Consequently, we still use derivatives of this word such as the-ist, de-ist, pan-the-ist, a-the-ist, etc… to denote a particular type of religious belief or lack thereof in a person. We still refer to godly characteristics as div-ine. Divine beings / deities in other traditions often have similar etymologies or else they are given astrological characteristics as children of the sky, just like the stars and planets, such as in Sumerian Anunna or Canaanite / Judaistic Elohim. Divine beings, even saints are frequently depicted in art as pure beings of light, or at least being surrounded with an aura of pure white light. This distinguishing characteristic sets them apart from other supernatural beings, who are too numerous to mention. However, for the purposes of making my point I will talk about demons as they are called in Christianity and most other religions, specifically known as Asuras or Rakshasas in Eastern thought. Gods vs Demons Going back to the beginnings of our current civilisation, in ancient Sumer, a sharp distinction was made between demons and gods. Gods were seen as the representations of cosmic forces and could sometimes be callous, but they were seen as the founders of human civilisation and the creators of humanity. Everything the Sumerians knew was taught to them by their gods, according to their own accounts, though the initial seed was given by a seafaring civilisation that sailed in from elsewhere and in stories were often believed to be half-fish, half-human, perhaps indicating their maritime way of life. Sumerian priests wore fish costumes to honour the memory of these ancient sages. The pope still wears a fish-head hat which is similar to this, probably unaware of the true origins of this custom. But, the gods were seen as the shining ones, beings of light distinguished by their Melammu or Melam, a shining countenance that inspired awe and fear in those that saw it. Whilst they were cosmic beings, representing forces of nature, they could also take human form in order to interact with their devotees, often appearing to them in dreams and visions. Sumerians had a personal deity, often passed down within the family, that they worshipped, which was sometimes different from the chief deity of each city-state. Since each god was responsible for a different area of life (love, finances, health, agriculture, weather, etc…) the appropriate gods were prayed to depending on the particular need of the devotee. Personal gods guided their deities throughout their lives and would provide protection and comfort in times of trouble. The idea of guardian angels probably has its roots in this ancient practice. The gods were generally of Heaven, but some resided in the underworld, like Ereshkigal, its Queen and ruled over the souls of the dead. In most ancient societies, Heaven was the realm of the gods and mortals could not enter, not even after death. They went to the underworld, where they enjoyed statuses depending on the merit they acquired during their lives. Some parts of the underworld were places of punishment, where Galla demons would torture the wicked for an eternity. No doubt, this is where we get the idea of Hell and demons that torture damned souls from. Which brings me neatly to what the difference is between gods and demons. It’s not that some reside in the underworld and some in Heaven (though to my knowledge, there are no demons in Heaven, whilst there are gods in the underworld). According to the Sumerians, demons lack Melammu, they do not have the divine radiance of the gods. They also don’t possess Mes, which are various divine powers, divvied up amongst the gods. Demons also lack the capacity for free will, they simply follow their animalistic nature. Due to this reason, they are generally depicted as half-animal half human, with fangs, claws and such. Like gods, they generally have wings too. Keep in mind, these are astral forms, this is the form in which they reside in the underworld, a vast astral realm that’s outside our dimension, but is also under our feet physically, deep in the earth, existing in vast caverns. It’s important to note that according to ancient lore, most of the underworld is not a place of punishment, but contains vast kingdoms of great beauty, where various magical astral beings reside and rule. In India, this was believed to be the realm of the Nagas, wise, ancient serpents that taught humanity in the beginning. The underworld is believed to have its own oceans, rivers, lakes and ecosystem, slightly shifted into another dimension, so it is inaccessible to us in the physical sense. However, the underworld can be visited astrally, for those that have the ability, and many will journey in it in the afterlife or between lives, depending on their perspective and beliefs. Shamanic Journeying also tends to take place in various realms within the underworld, because it is so close to us in terms of vibrational compatibility. Many will visit in their dreams, often unknowingly. A dead giveaway is when during a particularly vivid dream, we find ourselved floating or flying, often over unfamiliar, majestic landscapes. Encountering a Demon Here, I will recount an experience I had astrally projecting into the underworld and encountering a notable demon that is mentioned in Jewish, Christian and Islamic lore, belonging to a class of beings known as watchers. This happened a few months after my Kundalini Awakening, when I experienced deep Samadhi and a visitation from a Sumerian Goddess. The experience had opened me up to extra-sensory perception and I could perceive the approach of astral beings from then on. A particular spirit, with a fiery element in his make-up visited me from time to time, presenting himself as a potential teacher, from whom I could learn much. I hadn’t yet developed the ability to communicate effectively with astral beings and deities, so our interactions were somewhat laboured and slow-moving. One day, I was sitting cross-legged in my London flat, meditating, when he approached me again and after failing to get his point through, probably out of frustration, more than anything, he pulled me out of my body. I found myself travelling astrally to an underground realm, which I presume to be the underworld. I was floating in mid-air, looking at the walls of a dimly-lit cave, though it wasn’t dark, more like illuminated by some unknown light-source, like a camp fire. There might have been cave drawings, like the ones left by ancient humans, but I can’t recall them exactly. As I was floating around, I flailed my arms and legs to try to get a better look of my surroundings. I eventually managed to turn around and to my amazement found myself looking at a giant being, sitting cross-legged on a rock ledge or pulpit of sorts, possibly sitting on animal skin, though that part is hazy. He had the head of a goat, except with intelligent, inquisitive, human eyes. His body was humanoid, though covered in dark brown fur all around. As I looked into his eyes, I saw amazement and surprise. He appeared to be impressed that I managed to project myself astrally into this underground realm and had full control of my faculties. I noticed as I was looking into his eyes, that our blinks were synchronised, he always blinked at the exact same time I did. From this, I surmised, that we were somehow linked energetically and / or telepathically. It may also have been an indication that he was trying to gain control of me, but I cannot say for sure. In any case, the encounter was brief, lasting a couple of minutes. Once it became obvious that he wasn’t in control of me and that I was seeing him in his true astral form, in his underworld abode, the encounter became pointless and I shortly found myself back in my body, sitting cross-legged in meditation, just as before. I later did research on this particular being and found he was often depicted as half-man half-goat, just like I have seen. From what I have seen, he did not appear malevolent, but he did have his own agenda and seemed to want to recruit me to his cause, which he felt passionately about. I should note that he sought power, even revenge over a group of people he felt had wronged him in the past and he encouraged me to use my newly awakened Kundalini and the powers that might have come with it, as a weapon. This did not sit well with me and I politely declined, though he did make a few more subsequent attempts at recruiting me, which I did not agree to. Finally, during his last visit, I grew tired of his presence and used the power of my Kundalini (Shakti) to drive him away. I generated a huge amount of spiritual fire and formed it into a shield around me. I had to keep this up for around 2 hours, before he finally decided to give up. He did not attempt to influence me after this episode. Some other major differences between gods and demons In contract, my interaction with gods was very different. I have recounted my visitation by the Goddess Inanna many times on reddit and youtube, so I would like to point out the differences here as compared to interacting with a Demon, Jinn or Asura, as the Christians, Muslims and Hindus call them respectively. As mentioned Demons / Asuras are self-serving, usually with an agenda and are slaves of their own passions, desires, hatred, etc… They do not serve a greater cause or higher power. They do not shine like the gods do, but are in contrast elemental beings, made up of one element, like fire, in the case of Jinn. They are limited locally and their knowledge is limited to their own realm of experience. They do not have access to higher forms of power, such as Shakti, which comes from surrender to the divine and serving the greater good, instead of one’s own ego. In Hindu lore, Asuras are immensely powerful beings, usually half-man, half-beast, that gain favours from the gods through spiritual austerities. This might give them things like invulnerability and special powers, which they use to make themselves ever more powerful. Whenever the gods grow tired of their exploits, they manifest an avatar, specifically designed to slay a powerful demon, overcoming their special powers and invulnerability through loopholes and trickery. In Monotheistic traditions, it is angels that play this role and engage in spiritual warfare against them. Another characteristic difference between Devas and Asuras in Hinduism, is that the former drink Soma, the nectar of immortality, whereas the latter are denied this. This idea isn’t unique to Hinduism and can be found in other traditions all around the ancient world. It is in fact the drinking of Soma, which gives gods their shining countenance, their special powers, their immortality, divine wisdom, clairvoyance, ability to see the future, teleport at will, etc… These are in fact the supposed characteristics of higher-dimensional entities as described in detail by famous physicist Michio Kaku in his books. Soma or Nectar is a higher-dimensional substance, which is generally the drink of the gods, but mortals also have access to it through various austerities and spiritual disciplines. Such individuals are often depicted with a halo around their head and can often spontaneously manifest special powers, called siddhis. Visitation by gods The below account is highly personal and whilst I’m generally uncomfortable sharing it, I’m doing so in the hope that it may guide and inspire others. When the Goddess Inanna first visited me in person, she took the form of a being of light, a mini-star or sun if you like. That is in fact the form in which she is often depicted, a shining eight-pointed star. It wasn’t just that she radiated light, her entire being was just that, a radiant star. Her light-body extended outwards, like the spokes of a star, becoming sort of like tendrils or appendages. She could touch me with her “hands” in a physical sense and when she did, her hands felt entirely real and physical. When she touched me, she transferred an immense amount of energy to me. Sumerians referred to this process as anointment, when the shining / melammu of a god was passed on to a mortal, in those times, the special privilege of kings and high priests. Hindus call this process Mahashaktipat, when a god or goddess passes on their power or Shakti to a mortal. Within the Hindu context, enlightened beings, gurus, yogis, etc… also have this ability. Christians refer to this as passing on the Holy Spirit to someone. Baptism is in many ways a remnant of this custom or belief. During subsequent visits, the Goddess did not take such a concrete form and was mostly present energetically. Still, her Melammu or Shining is always unmistakable and she radiates love and benevolence. Her brother, Utu-Shamash has a similar presence, though, since he is the sun god, his light or radiance has a slightly different flavour or even colour. Inanna’s radiance was always pure white light, her brother’s is perhaps more yellowish, like the sun. The two of them enjoy each other’s company and have sometimes visited as a pair. As is common with such visitations, on a handful of occasions, boons were granted to me. Nothing miraculous, but certainly significant in terms of my personal life, health, career and so on. Inanna provided healing and in one case the gift of a romantic relationship. Utu, the sun-god granted me a job I’m still in, which was exactly to my specifications and manifested within 24 hours of me asking for it, after months of fruitless search. Enki helped heal my father from a stroke, to the extent he fully recovered from a partial paralysis on one side of his body. Inanna also visited others on my behalf on a handful of occasions, many years ago. When she did, she either performed healing on those that were visited, or she provided an opportunity for divine communion, which is essentially like a merging of beings and an exchange of energies. Some have described their encounters with her in similar terms to how I experienced them, but there were usually some differences as well. These were people I never met in person, became friend with over the internet and had in fact lived thousands of miles away. When interacting with Inanna personally, the main impression I got was of her compassion and puppy-like eagerness to help others. I was also impressed by her unapologetic femininity, sense of humour, sunny disposition and playfulness, perhaps not something you would expect from a Goddess of War, but then I believe her true core is that of a compassionate Love Goddess in the manner of her original Sumerian form. Her war-like attributes were a later addition, particularly by the Akkadians who attempted to syncretise her with their own warrior Goddess, Ishtar. I often feel that subsequent love Goddesses, like Aphrodite or Venus are much closer to capturing her true character than fierce depictions of her warlike actions by the Semitic peoples that adopted her worship from the conquered Sumerians. She does have a fierce side of course, like all gods and goddesses, but I feel that this was often overemphasised by Ishtar devotees who were extremely warlike. A similar dichotomy exists in India, with various forms of the Goddess, some of whom are fierce and war-like as well (Durga, Kali, Tantric Goddesses in general), whereas others are highly benevolent and loving (Saraswati, Lakshmi, etc…). This duality must of course be understood in its correct philosophical context, which I won’t go into here. The Goddess in dreams In Sumer, Inanna was well known for appearing in devotees’ dreams. Probably each devotee saw her in a personalised manner depending on their own expectations and cultural programming. Many Sumerian Polytheists as well as followers of other religions report seeing and interacting with gods in their dreams. In my own case, I saw many vivid dreams of the Goddess, which were lucid in nature, in that I was fully present in the dream in my astral form, it wasn’t just a projection of the mind. In my dreams I saw her as a fairly normal-looking blonde and blue-eyed woman. She could have easily passed as a local in any American or European town. This was shortly after she first appeared to me and in my dreams I saw her performing a number of supernatural feats, such as flying all the way into space and incinerating her enemies with her gaze. I then did some research and realised that she was described as having those powers in ancient myth. I saw a number of prophetic dreams regarding humanity’s future with Inanna playing a central role in them. These took place seemingly far into the future involving various sci-fi scenarios. Could have been just my imagination of course, but dreams were so vivid and my astral presence in them so strong, that I doubt it. However, I believe the way I saw the Goddess was a creation of my own mind, she was given an appearance I felt comfortable with. Later, I saw fiercer forms of her, which were similar to how tantric goddesses might be depicted in Buddhist and Hindu art. Conclusion Taking a wider view, it would appear that gods represent a much higher order of life than demons. They are cosmic beings of immense power, also capable of interacting with mortals on a personal level, even manifesting a human-like form when needed, especially in dreams and visions. Their primary form appears to be higher-dimensional, whereas the highest of the gods, the creators and ultimately destroyers of our reality, the weavers of fate and time-space, are outside of any concept of dimensions, or traditional limitations of any time. Elsewhere I wrote about some of my very intense Samadhi and oneness experiences, which I conclude are the natural state the gods reside in. They only manifest individual consciousness, and with it a form and name we can identify with for our benefit, or when a certain task requires it. Otherwise they exist as one mind, a collective consciousness if you will. This is symbolically depicted as a divine council that decrees the fate of mortals (the Anunna gods, or the Elohim of Abrahamic religions), a chorus of angels singing in perfect harmony, or in the case of Hinduism and Buddhism, the Devas shifting from one shape and form to another without effort and in quick succession. The syncretism inherent in polytheism is also a tacit admission of this idea. Demons, on the other hand, are separated from source consciousness and are self-serving or more often, serve a higher master, which is different in each religious tradition. In Abrahamic religion, Satan, an all-purpose scape-goat, previously a pretty neutral figure, commands their legions, as an ersatz god of the underworld or god of death. A similar role is played by gods of the underworld / death in other religions. Demons are often sent by them to fetch mortals from the surface world and take them to the underworld, which remains a popular idea depicted in many movies, TV-shows and novels. They may also oppress, very rarely possess people, if they are invited in. It should be noted that possession is something that gods are also capable of and this is a stated goal of Tantrikas in Hinduism and Buddhism, where elaborate rituals and austerities are performed to enable possession by a deity, which is seen as the highest honour, a feat very few are capable of, due to the lengthy preparations and austerities that must be performed, to be able to hold the immense power of divine consciousness. Conversely, some spiritualists open themselves up to malevolent possession by lesser spirits, mostly by practicing haphazardly and without guidance, mixing drugs with spiritual practices, experimenting with dangerous occult rituals and other such ill-advised ventures. For instance, I only recently became aware of the fact, that Hindus, or at least Tantriks, draw a protective circle around themselves before each meditation session, precisely to avoid being influenced or even approached by Asuras, Rakshasas, the wandering spirits of the dead and other malevolent entities. I practiced meditation without the proper precautions and guidance for decades, hence the experience of being courted by a demon, which I recounted above. This is why I am unhappy with some monotheistic exorcists and preachers, who equate pagan gods with demons and draw no distinction between them. This is a serious mistake in my view, as gods are actually the ones that protect mortals from their malign influence. It should also be noted, that demons are not uniformly bad, some can make useful allies. A good example is Pazuzu, anti-hero of The Exorcist movie, who was gravely misrepresented by the creators. He was actually known and invoked for the purposes of protecting children from malevolent spirits like the Lamashtu and Lilitu, the exact opposite of his depiction in the movie. Another thing of note is that exorcists exist in all religions, and if anything they play a bigger role in polytheistic religions. The ancients assigned all manner of ills (sometimes literally) to demonic possession and oppression. In Sumer, there was rudimentary universal healthcare and everyone was taken care of. There were two types of doctors, firstly, a physician, who treated diseases according to scientific principles and an exorcist, who dealt with issues caused by oppressive and malevolent spirits. In any case, the common thread among all exorcists, is that they invoke the power of Heaven, a divine, higher power, in the form of a special prayer and ritual to force the unwanted visitor out. A common bait-and-switch approach employed to drive out Asuras in the Indian tradition, involves invoking a god, who can then persuade the Asura to leave by offering a boon that is far more attractive to them than staying in the body of their unfortunate victim. This way, no force is necessary and the Asura will leave of his own will. What we should take away from this, monotheists, polytheists and whatever other theists as well, is the power of prayer and invocation and the trust we need to place in a higher power to be able to overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges. It is through the power of the divine, sometimes through the direct intervention of divine beings (gods, angels, heavenly beings etc…) that we can have the strength to have agency over our own minds and bodies and to overcome attacks by beings that are often more powerful and intelligent than us. We will all follow the traditions we were brought up in, or adopted as converts, but it is crucial to respect other traditions, to learn from them and to see the commonalities between them all. Only thus can we avoid demonising the beliefs and deities of other religions and ending up with-witch hunts and moral panics that are based on irrational fear and ignorance. If you’ve read this essay all the way to the end, thank you and may the Great Goddess, Queen of Heaven, cause many blessings to appear in your life.

I used to hold the view that awakening can be used to transcend suffering. Here's what happened to me. A few years ago I was so awakened I had NO addictions, NO vices, I had 100% control over my mind, my body, my soul even. I could INTENSELY ego death from 5 minutes of sober meditation, and taking 50ug of LSD was a powerful 12-hour breakthrough experience. It's worth mentioning I have insane genetics when it comes to spirituality and have had many many spiritual experiences since before I was 10. I could even enjoy (very) intense physical pain because it was recontextualized as love and a service to God (myself) in my mind. I reached a level of awakening that's honestly unnatural and unrealistic, every second of my life was like being on heroin. Nothing could hurt me. I only realise now this level of awakening required an insane level of privilege and luck as well as a willingness to suffer that I only realize now I was taking completely for granted. Something really terrible happened to me, one of the worst things that can happen to someone. I don't want to go into the nature of this, but it was so horrifically evil it made me suicidal every day for months (even as someone who identified as God and who had an incredible life purpose). I had multiple horror nightmares every night for months and even years after the event: therapy and multiple powerful psychedelic trips have still left me less than 10% of where I was at in terms of my embodiment. Sure I got to keep many of the insights, but if anything that makes it hurt more. I have high hopes I will return to where I was one day, but Reality is brutal and sometimes you get smacked hard enough to set you back 5 years. Actually, I got lucky, because it could've just as well been 10 years, or my whole life. I think 99% of people in my situation would never recover, so yes I do still believe enlightenment can help you become much more resilient to suffering, but let's not get ahead of ourselves that we'll become completely "invincible" to the tangible (or even intangible) existence we live in. Don't expect Leo to be some blissed-out always on heroin guy JUST BECAUSE he's awake, infinity will always go beyond your awakening.

There is nothing more valuable in education than teaching people to avoid the perils of the human mind. Unfortunately as you say, the vast majority of teachers are as trapped by conceptualized reality as their students. Who is going to teach the teachers? Spirituality is ultimately an individual journey to non-individuality. If the student isn't ready, not even an awakened teacher will make a difference. Still, you can plant seeds that may sprout later in the person's life. As a parent, I wish I realized and taught my young children what I see now. Maybe it would have helped them, but then again you can really only teach by being who you are. Words are distractions except in rare cases where people are ready to see beyond them, to the reality they point toward but can never adequately describe.

Why do you say that? I perceive Buddha to be one bad mother when It comes to awakening. Yes, he wasn't perfect, so there ARE states of consciousness higher than Nirvana. To define is to limit. How, exactly you cease all experience? you'd be dead.... Or perhaps the opposite is true? you'd be he most alive person? In a stiil and serene state? A True Awakened One?

I witnessed an amazing satsang today, which for me had a much greater effect than ever watching them online, because you see the living example in front of you, which is giving you more trust and willingness to follow the instructions diligently. Summarized: -You are NOT suppose to be okay with your suffering, it's natural to not want it, it's real intelligence to see your life is not working, don't judge it, use your frustration. - So seek as hard as you can (he said this in the context of showing you you cannot be found in your objects of perception, because what ever you focus on or feel, the feeling is not feeling itself, YOU are feeling it, YOU are feeling your body parts/sensations through your shining your attention on them). - Spirituality and advaita are often a big trap for the ego (this was eye opening and new for me, despite having seen a lot of satsangs): People often use the knowledge of the absolute (I am not the body, nor my thoughts, emotions etc.) and hang out in the 'blissful consciousness' to escape! And meanwhile not reach liberation. 'My buttons are getting pushed? Nah, that's not me, let me distance myself from it, I am the observer.' 'let me become just the observer of it', big trap! That's solidifying the split mind, putting you farther away and creating a subtle spiritual ego. No, see it and feel it all! (Probably bit by bit, practice this, you can see it will simply open up and that contrary to the feeling it's not scary at all to allow it! These are your gifts). You will get better at this and situations that normally bother you because you are triggered will now become more easeful opportunities, allowing you to live more freely already. Also observe how with the feeling there often is a belief attached to feeling: 'I am not suppose to be angry' 'I am not suppose to cry', stay attentive to these beliefs when feeling your feelings and don't look through them anymore. Becoming awake is about with becoming true to yourself, become very very intimate with yourself, and when you can be really open to yourself, that way life can actually open up to you. - Ego and even identification with it are not bad, they are great gifts! Just partial identification, of not knowing who you also and really are, is creating the nightmare. You solve it by going a step further than it, not by suppressing them. - You can't awaken yourself. It will happen by it's own accord, you just do your best opening up, becoming as honest and open as you can, and when you are ready, the ego will seen through once and for all and you will be in a different world. Awoken, free, no more 'losing it'. I like how he kept using the word gift, humorously at the end he mentioned someone saying to him: 'I didn't chose this life..' No. It's a gift. It's a dutch teacher, he had been searching seriously from when he was 14, he's like 64 now, Ad Oostendorp is his name, but yeah, Dutch. Great guy though.

My ego couldn't believe that I'm God, so I decided to smoke 5Meo DMT again. I've had my break trough experience and I was absolutely conscious of: 1. I'm the only one and the actual God. I'm dreaming up all other gurus and awakened people, no body is awakened, just me. Leo, Eckhart Tolle, Alan Watts, Sadhgure etc. not awakened and moreover are my imagination. I can imagine their awakenings, but it's just me imagining them, these people are not awake nor they could ever become awake. I used Leo in order to wake myself up, that's his role in my life, that's the reason why I created him. I imagined him shooting the video about solipsism and although he deleted it from the channel I found it on youtube which led me to complete awakening. 2. Is it possible to be absolutely awake 24/7? Yes, everything is possible, but I don't want to be awake. My true desire is to sleep and play this game and to wake up from time to time. 3. What Am I? I'm God. I don't have any form. My form is whatever appears to be right now and it includes everything. I'm also pure magic and love. I've existed forever and will be existing forever no matter what. I'm inseparable from my creation. 4. What's the purpose of my existing? There is no purpose and no reason. I am because I am. I can not be explained no matter how hard you're trying. There is only one way to understand God - to become it, but no one can become God because God already Is. This post is pure entertainment because nobody is reading it, but I can imagine someone's response. People who are present on this forum are not real and exist only in a form of words. I AM

There is no such thing as "really awakening to god". If you did, you wouldn't be here talking to us. Everything else will be partial, limited by your identity. Your awe a psychological phenomena, a phenomena of particularized mind. All are Awakened to God, the notion of Awakening itself is delusional. You can immerse yourself in aspects of the Divine, and there are infinite aspects. So, there cannot ever be a full awakening, not until you dissolve completely. It's not, it's a reaction of mind. There are beings that are incapable of experiencing awe, or fear. They can experience everything you have experience, and not experience an ounce of awe. If you think that's impossible, your knowledge of consciousness is more limited than I thought. To bring up the Infinite nature of Consciousness to pretend like your particularized reaction to the Divine is silly. Of course Consciousness is Absolutely Awesome, that silly framework applies to all forms of existence, so it's meaningless. It in equal measure of Horror as it is Awesome. You still do not see how the structure, the particularized form of mind influences the "awakening" experience. The fascets or structure of your particularized mind will determine the fascets that will come to be revealed to you as the Infinite of God. Which, of course, is Infinite. It is actually a function of your ego that your limited human mind cannot conceive of the Infinity that is possible beyond it. That Infinite can be so utterly foreign to what you are experiencing now, that notions of beauty and awe could be so infinite foreign to you as the infinite fascets of existence that you have no conception whatsoever could even exist. You are underestimating Infinite, and I have no idea how you could still do so after the many trips you had. I never said anything about being awestruck or not. You seem to be missing the point of what I am saying. There are infinite possible minds, and they will all project their own particularized nature onto an experience of the Infinite, because the Infinite is experienced through those particularized fascets of existence. That is how your mind can form a memory of it, and analyze it. That's all you can hope to do with your human mind. You'll see eventually. There will be super-human minds in the future, that will be capable of experience fascets of the Infinite that your mind simply cannot engage with. It's so funny, because it's your ego telling you that you, in your lifetime, must be able to experience of all God. What a silly notion, you'll die. You will not be the one with the greatest understanding of God, your mind is not even capable of it. You can barely walk if the consciousness is high enough. That's a limitation fo the fibre of your being. Anything beyond that, the true wisdom of Godhead, cannot be transfered through this particularized life form. It's a pipe dream, it would fry your brain. And then, you'd see what I mean.

@Leo Gura And others solipsism is the absolute truth I realized but it's not the Wikipedia definition of solipsism. A person who believes In the wikepidia definition of solipsism is not enlightened because they still make a distinction between self and others hence they are derealized. The awakened person knows he or she is the entire universe and there is only one consiousness hence the duality collapses which means that's the non wikepidia definition of solipsism they believe and that person is enlightened. I realized I am the only one but by that I mean the universal me not the avatar me which distinguishes itself from other people. The awakening was so profound that I can't explain it using the human language it has to be experienced.

Those are some deep words, the crowd continues to scream i love you but no one is really listening.. do you see the wisdom behind his speech? the purity of his soul was one of a kind, a true angel, he always talked this way and we never saw it until he passed away. His soul was among the most highly evolved, if he had a different more spiritual path maybe he would of become an enlightened master? He was always so child-like, innocent, kind, loving and pure, in the present and free-spirited but due to his tough schedule and rough life he never really had time to connect to himself. At least now his back with source and free to be and express completely. How did we miss this? What we need to learn from children isn't childish. Being with them connects us to the deeper wisdom of life... which is ever-present and only asks to be lived. They know the way to solutions that lie.. waiting to be recognized within our own hearts.