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@Ninja_pig Did you know in the original video, he titled the video with words like suicide and death, but changed it later due to anticipating a backlash?

Alright… so most of my day was tackling the kitchen… lol… I got most of it done. If I feel like it tomorrow…. I think I’ll be able to finish it up. It’s funny because I find things my dads placed somewhere… I think this doesn’t need to be in the kitchen and so I take it into the studio area which I just organized, but now I have more things to figure out where they go. I keep reminding my dad that he’ll have to participate in this one day. I want to know what’s comfortable for him… where he feels he wants his tools and such which makes sense to him. I told him I’m doing my type of ceremony for him… purging out some of his things and cleaning it up so he has the opportunity to either enjoy the organization and likes knowing where things are or he’ll be in habits and it’ll just start looking like his normal. It was a bit of a challenge through the winter definitely. I found myself having similar habits… lol… we don’t have running water or hear… so there’s not a whole lot of motivation… good thing I was lost in my own world of creativity and journaling.. lol.. but I can sympathize with him. And I’m sure he thinks it’s going to take forever to clean and organize so he chooses not to do it. Hopefully he can see that it really doesn’t take long when we put our focus on to something. But I’m hoping he feels better with the space open and clean. I know it was making me fell pretty suffocating when I first arrived. I didn’t want to bombard him with a ton of change all at once, but once I realized he didn’t care too much for me to get rid of things… then it’s a lot easier. That’s the thing… it’s much easier for me to get rid of things then for him…. Plus I’ve got an idea of what he’s particular with… so it’s not that hard. I took my little buddy outside today. Last time he seemed to be more relaxed around the house so I thought I’d just stay here and have him explore. Well right when we went outside the gray cat, Sissy came up… and they do not like each other. In fact I’ve been hearing them hissing at each other at the windows.. I went outside first to see if she was around and it seemed like the coast was clear. But I placed him on the grass.. he went to start having a snack and there she comes. I tried to take him in the back yard and she followed. My dad was able to get Sissy to the front, but by then my little buddy Elvis was in flight mode. I couldn’t stop him from hiding and also he just wanted to dart back inside. So we did. We’ve got another beautiful day tomorrow.. I might take him to a little park that’s small and hopefully not too crowded. See how he does. Speaking about cats my dad is getting more concerned for the new guy… one-eyed Jack… he is definitely scrawny and he hasn’t really been eating. He’s been inside for about a month and he’s not showing signs of getting any healthier. He’s more comfortable with us and loves attention… he’s like a little shadow.. not me but my dad too. But he’s afraid he might die soon. I told him I’m not sure what to do really. I recalled the dog I was trying to help on my dieta from the village. There were a good amount of dogs running around which were pretty healthy.. but there was one that looked like a skeleton. I didn’t know why none of the village wasn’t trying to help the guy out. I ended up taking him back to the center with… my shaman wasn’t too happy about it, but I was trying to see if we could nurse it back to health. I was unsuccessful. Within a week he ended up passing and we buried him on the land. I’ve been thinking about death or at least transitioning from this physical perception. And there’s just little bits and pieces that I’ve been thinking so it makes me want to tumble it around a bit more. But yeah… maybe this cat is about to die. We don’t want it to die, but what if he’s to the point that we can’t do much except love him until he passes? That’s how I felt when my grandparents were in hospice. I’ll touch back on that in a bit. But the same thing happened with the dog in the jungle. At first I was a little upset that the village wasn’t trying to help this guy out. But there’s a tendency for other animals to treat the sick animal unwell… like keeping it away from them or trying to get it to run off or even try to kill it. I was visiting a girlfriend who bought land and a center in a Peruvian village and she had a group of dogs that she was taking care of. She was nursing them to health and trying to get them to be adopted eventually. What maybe seven or eight dogs. One of the dogs was all bones… and the alpha dog was a Great Dane. They were all good dogs but the Great Dane hated that sick dog. Lol.. if it’s not obvious yet… I’m a bit crazy. So the Great Dane would attack this sick guy and I would jump in every time I was around to stop it. But it happened constantly. I’d be carrying the sick dog away many times… he’d have wounds to heal. I’m not sure how long after I left the Great Dane did end up killing the dog. Again… I wanted the dogs to get along… and I wasn’t really mad at their behavior but maybe they sense something more than what I can sense? Because I didn’t see any dogs really around this sick dog in the village either. I know my cat really doesn’t seem to like anyone other than me… lol… but he’s trying to keep Jack away too. Actually I hadn’t thought of this before… but my brother nursed our dog back to health growing up with Pedialyte. Maybe I can give that a try. It was different with our dog.. she was trying to hide to die… and the cat seems to want attention but it’s weak. I know I’ll feel bad when the cat dies. Especially because it seems like it’s been neglected since it’s been born… he finally has a chance to at least have some people love on him and give him some shelter when he needs it. My dad says many things about being sick of cats around… but he’s got a good heart and he’s worried about the little guy even though he’s new to the house. But we don’t know what it was going through before we met him. I just find situations where I want to help animals who are on the verge of dying and they end up dying even though I try to stop it. I feel sad because again I feel the life they were living wasn’t easy for them. And I know once I entered into their lives I would give them attention and love… so at least they have that before they pass. I know I want to continue to work with animals.. I absolutely love them. I’ve actually had animals be guests in ceremony with me too. I’ve done ceremonies with Elvis which has been quite beautiful but I’ve also had three dogs join as well. Mostly I’m just trying to clear out their energies… one ceremony it was really cool because I was able to settle them all down at the same time… it was as if they felt the energy and intent of the moment. And Elvis was a really good helper in one particular ceremony. There was a guy who wasn’t comfortable. He was pacing inside and he would go outside and pace. He was having issues with kidney stones and even passing his stool. But there were a few guests… so if he was outside pacing and I was inside with another guest… I’d hear Elvis meowing… and he’d be looking outside.. he’s like go check on this guy… I’m worried about him… lol… so I would. Spend time and return into the Maloca and continue…. But he did that about three times that night and that was the first time he’s been so vocal in ceremony… especially with a gentleman he doesn’t even know. He could just feel the energy and it seemed like he was really concerned. Elvis knows I am trying to connect and communicate with him… I respond fairly quickly if he’s meowing to acknowledge him and watch him to see what he’s wanting from me. But yeah maybe I need to learn more about how to treat illness with animals. Reminds me a little time in my life when I was quite young I thought I’d want to be a veterinarian until I found out I’d also have to put them down at times… so I decided not to. But darn it.. I guess that’s just what I’m supposed to do or at least be involved with a some extent. I’m not sure if any who reads this has seen an animal or a human take their last breath. It’s intense and it rips at the heart when it happens. I’ve been there for a dog and I’ve been there with my grandma. It’s tough but I also had time to help them prepare though too and that seems to help in the transition and being present to observe the transition happening. Is more of that going to be part of my experiences? When I thought I was going to die and I thought my shaman was going to help me pass… it made sense to me at the time. Again I remembered being there for my grandparents when we knew their time was short. I feel blessed that I had those experiences. They meant so much to me and when they decided to go into hospice I knew that my time with them was short… and I’m going to be a part of that. I think I intuitively knew this would be the best way for me to process losing them from my physical presence. I was in my first semester in college when my grandma went to hospice. They didn’t think she would last but a few days. The family caretakers had a lesson on what to do and what to possibly look for when death is imminent. There have been some instances that they could be completely clear, competent and conscious right before they pass. I was hoping to experience that moment with my grandma, but it didn’t happen. My grandma was unfortunately in a vegetative state when she went to her home for hospice. She had an allergic reaction in the hospital which cause multiple seizures. I was on the night shifts with my dad… We had to take care of her bodily fluids because she couldn’t consciously do them for herself. I remember helping her with her mouth and swabbing it with these sucker sponges… sponge baths… giving her medication anally because she couldn’t swallow… none of this bothered me. I just wanted her to be as comfortable as she could be in those moments. I’d still give her massages… comb her hair.. we’d still talk to her and tell her how much she meant to us all. My grandpa was having a very hard time with it all. My grandma did almost everything for him… he was terrified to live without her… and I could hear him at night crying and telling her… begging her not to leave him. Telling her that he’s scared and doesn’t want to live without her… it was heartbreaking. I felt so bad for my grandpa… but I also knew he was going to be taken care of and he’ll eventually gain the strength to overcome his loss. Well we were going to do our best to get him to overcome. My grandma’s sister passed before her and her husband didn’t last a month after she passed. So we didn’t want the same thing to happen for him, but really who are we to say when the best time is for someone to pass? I’d say that individual knows to some extent when they want to pass? Especially if the choice is taken away by someone’s action that leads to that passing. We knew we had to get my grandpa confident that we were going to take care of him. We won’t do the same job as grandma, but we’re going to do our best and I told him I think grandma can hear us. I’d ask my grandpa to let her know he’s going to be ok. I know it’s going to be hard to live without her, but we don’t want her living her life like this though either. I remember being there watching and listening to my grandpa encouraging her that he’ll be taken care of and she doesn’t have to worry. He kept on repeating how much he loved her and how much she had made him so happy… again heartbreaking yet beautiful at the same time. My grandparents had been together since they were in high school. Their families lived an alley way apart. My grandma was 68 when she passed… and I remember everyone celebrating their 50th anniversary a few years earlier. Her first and only lover. And it seemed like she was waiting for something before she wanted to let herself go to pass. And of course I don’t know if this is the case, but I think she was waiting for my grandpa to tell her that… before she chose to transition. Again seeing someone take their last breath was tough… I just remember her breathing doubled or even tripled in pace like hyperventilating and then she stopped breathing. And any excess fluids she had came out of her mouth, and I believe she also had a bowel happen at that moment. It’s really had to lose a loved one but darn it.. I was so grateful that she passed though too… I didn’t want her to live in that state for too long… it just wasn’t living. When I was my grandpa’s hospice nurse I moved in with him. He was at a different circumstance when he went into hospice. He was conscious and coherent, but he wasn’t allowed to have anymore heart surgeries. It was tricky with him because his body was filling up with fluids and a lot of the family was arguing how to deal with it. Whether to be strict on his diet so prolong the inevitable or to have him enjoy his food while he could. We were trying to restrict as much as we could… he was already in the habit of it anyway, but yeah… when he made special requests… how in the hell or we going to tell him no. We want him to enjoy and be as comfortable as he can before he passes. It was really great, because it was a couple months with my grandpa and so everyone was able to spread the word to the community… so we’d have all kinds of people visiting and sharing memories. My grandpa was involved with the community through coaching and the elks club… we’d have grown adults bringing in old pictures and uniforms or a baseball… my grandpa coached my basketball in middle school so I had some teammates around my age who came to visit… it was just really nice to be able to share that time with people able to say their good-byes… being a part of their hospice care really changed me in a deep way, especially when it came to showing appreciation and love while we share this experience, but also about dealing with death. In both instances I knew I was going to miss them, but I also didn’t want them to continue living in the state they were in… so it was best to transition beyond the physical. I really was able to overcome any feelings of attachment for them to stay because I didn’t want them to leave… it wasn’t about me… and I’m fortunate to take the time to show them and tell them how much they meant to me… I didn’t have any regrets. Again it seemed like my grandpa was also waiting for something before he wanted to pass too. So my grandparents has four children… and at that time there was arguing going on between them. Sad to say but I’d have to ask people to leave the house… or least go outside. If there was any arguing or yelling… I’d say that’s enough… take a breather… that energy doesn’t need to be here in front of grandpa… of course that would upset him. That shit upsets everyone… so I’d have to kick them out and tell them to return when they are calmer. I know they have high emotions going on and they’re trying to express themselves but they can have a more mature approach to the communication. I mean some were directing to my grandpa. And that’s what upset me… why are they waiting until he’s on his death bed to bring all of this up… why couldn’t they bring it up before. But again I know they needed their closure too… this was their chance.. but to be yelling and angry isn’t the way. But because their was issues between the kids not all of them were there at the same time. I was teaching painting classes at the time… but they were only three to four hours long and it was a few times a week… but I left for an event and all of my aunts and uncle and my dad was visiting for the first time all together and without me… I got a call on the way to work that my grandpa past. I remember thinking to myself… so that’s what you were waiting for. He was waiting for all of them to be together when he chose to pass. I remember at the funeral some of my cousins said they thought I was going to take it a lot harder than I did. I told them I’ve spent the last months with grandpa… I’ve already had closure and acceptance while he was here. I’m going to miss him, but I know he’s in a better state then where he was. My grandma’s burial I couldn’t even stay to see her being lowered into the ground… I was still very emotional. My grandpa I had more time to process and be with him before so I wasn’t so emotional and was more stable to see at the funeral and burial. This also brings me to my es-stepmother’s mom who passed away last year. I wanted to be here for her celebration of life last October. Again I have a better understanding of what death is at this point… a part of me wished I could’ve been there for her during the last moments. She was involved in my life from around first grade to sixth grade… which doesn’t seem like a long time but she was extremely influential to me. I feel like I really got the best moments from her liveliness when she was with us. Her health starting going down hill when she was grandparents to her children’s children. Since I was struggling with my own battles with my ex-step mom… I didn’t spend a lot of time with my grandma after… but i cannot forget all the great memories I had with her and just how she approached teaching us… sticks with me. She’s the one who really got me involved in being creative… really inspired me to explore so many areas of creativity. They lived on a farm and that really had an impression on me too… how much hard work goes into farming… her laughter… oh my goodness you could almost here it a mile away… lol… I remember I’d be in elementary school sitting in class and then we’d all hear her laughing and everybody would look at me… oh your grandma’s here… lol.. actually my dad’s grandparents… they were my number one fans in all my sporting events. That was a ritual for me… I’d be doing the warm-ups but before we had to sit down to start the game… I’d always go and visit my grandparents… i don’t know but they gave me so much joy and I was just so proud to have them their supporting me. I wish I could’ve been more involved before she passed, but I know there’s nothing I could’ve said to her that she doesn’t already know now after she passed…. She was remarkable and truly lovable. It’s really trying to be there for the family who will be challenged with the loss of their appearance in the physical who needs the support. They become infinite, and we don’t have to worry about them anymore… continue to cherish their memory and observe our own tendencies that we share… right this reality we can continue to share a part of them within ourselves… it’s beautiful. I’ve always been close to my dad, but after my grandpa passed… it felt like our relationship went to another level… he has no clue how much I appreciate him being my dad. I tell him all the time and he just laughs… but I’m happy I found the time to be able to share these moments with my dad right now. I’m grateful to be helping him be comfortable as much as I can. Lol… my uncle wants me to be his caretaker after he saw how I was with my grandpa, his dad… I said I will, but my dad’s on the top of my list… I joked around… I don’t know if I can handle both of you at the same time though. So yeah… if that’s going to continue to happen where I’m with people before they transition… I’d be honored. It’s an honor to be able to experience that with them. If I’m understanding correctly… we will choose to share that experience together, and I know I’ll do my best for them to not be fearful… I’ll do my best to make them as comfortable as they can. I can guarantee they will feel loved until their last breath of this physical experience. I really do love to love. I keep thinking about my death experience and my awakening experience… i know I’m going to continue sharing ceremony, and if my shaman was able to help guide me to those experiences… I want to learn how to do it too. I think I was shown this in my experience for my to learn this. That’s what I feel is going to happen on this expedition… I have a feeling its going to be a group that’s with me, and I’m not sure what we’re going to be doing the whole time, but I said it’s the journey that usually is the juice of it really… and I feel I’ll be ready to help guide this group to their death and awakening. I don’t know it might happen sooner… there was a friend from Peru who I was working with that I got the feeling he’s close… he might not need my help actually but if I happen to be with him… I’m going to do my best to make it comfortable and as easy as I can help. Right… I’m not afraid to communicate and so I like to tell my guests as much as I can to prepare them. When I was going through it… my shaman didn’t prepare me… lol… of course we were lost in translation a lot of the time, but when he said I needed to passé… I didn’t understand that… I didn’t understand that my mind would interpret that as passing out of the physical experience what we call death. I don’t know if I would have responded differently but I think I would have. I wouldn’t have made the decisions I did if I was prepared. I’m hoping that maybe they don’t even have to think they are dying… they can just feel like they’re awakening.. I’m sure each individual will be different. But I think the people I’ll work with maybe similar to myself… they’ll be finding their own way to awaken for themselves. But if I can help guide them… if it feels like I’m telling them they’re going to die in ceremony… that again in my experience there was a choice whether they want to continue the death experience of infinity or if they want to live fully in this physical experience. And that’s where it causes hesitation… what if someone does decide to continue to transition and pass? I have to be honest… I would probably still be honored to be a part of that shared experience. It’s just societies opinion about it that will be a challenge to handle. Right, society has a different perception about death. Again… I don’t know if this is the case in every situation, but I feel like it’s a choice. I don’t know whether someone passes unexpectedly by someone’s actions whether they choose or not… but I also don’t know what goes on in their minds whether they were looking to embrace infinity but didn’t know what they were asking for… it’s hard to express or even think about… right it’s not easy to talk about these things because again society sees it as the thing to avoid at all costs is to die. It’s the worst thing that can happen to someone. I just don’t know if this is true or not. Well actually I do know for me… it’s not the worst thing to happen. Maybe when you haven’t experienced death or a sense of eternal existence… it can be the worst thing. But if we do have that experience that death is not a final state then it’s not the worst thing. To me and my experiences is when I had a choice to stay as a nonphysical existence of bliss or to return to the physical… I wanted to return to be able to experience bliss with this body, with this mind, and with the universe. There was not a wrong choice, but to return to the physical I want to fully express and experience as much as I am capable. Many of my messages tell me that the universal collective is connecting at extremely deep levels. So I could just choose a life where I’m creating bliss only for myself, but I think we’re capable of much more than that. It’s as if i’m choosing this physical life because I am curious to see what a conscious collective will create together. Not only that but to see what I’m capable of in the physical experience as well. I was reading a few posts on the Forum and I ran into a post where a member posted someone on YouTube saying that Leo is creating a cult. I didn’t listen to the video because I feel like it’s a silly thought. As a student of Leo… I feel like this group has a deeper theory into the structure of cults and it’s obvious to us this isn’t a cult. But what I’ve been gathering from this post and again from other posts that happen to draw my attention… its the case there’s so many of us that doesn’t have our own experience of what death is. I feel the member who posted it was thinking that there were three people who have committed suicide while listening to Leo’s videos. Again I didn’t watch the video so I don’t know all the details. I know I’ve listened to Leo’s videos and he’s addressed one of these cases before. the member I feel didn’t address his issue in a mature manner, but I think he’s trying to see if there is a way to prevent people from killing themselves. Or trying things that has the potential of death. Is there a way to prevent that? Again who are we to decide whether someone should choose to be nonphysical or physical? I might have thought about taking my life once in my life but it was an impulsive thought and yeah I was just stressed and angry and I just wanted to give up… but it was fleeting for myself. And it was only a thought… I didn’t take any action towards it. I think I was probably late middle school or high school when this thought occurred. But I’m assuming that some people may battle with this thought maybe on a more regular basis. If I can be open to the idea that if I lived a life where I constantly thought of suicide… and then I had that choice again to be nonphysical or physical… I could see myself choosing to be nonphysical. I feel I could imagine many scenarios where I would’ve been able to choose the nonphysical. And I’d honestly say that societies opinion about my choice wouldn’t be a care for me. I’d assume I would be so disconnected that the physical world would no longer be a choice I’d like to continue. Why don’t we entertain the idea that death is a choice for a second. What if we all saw death as not the worst thing in the world. In fact because we thought it was a choice… would we be so upset with death? Could we really be upset with someone who chooses to pass out of the physical? Maybe we cannot understand why, but they can understand why. If we had a choice when to die… would there even be murder? Who are we surviving against? That’s the thing survival mode is many people’s focus because they don’t want to die. But can they entertain the idea that death may not be what they think it is? Maybe focusing on surviving death causes more unnecessary deaths… because we think everything is trying to kill us all the time. How can we get to a point where we feel safe from death? How can we get to a point where death isn’t so scary or uncomfortable? How can we get to a point where death isn’t a negative thought? Some of the readers might be asking why would I even be thinking these thoughts… how is that possible and what would be the advantage to gain anyway? Well.. if we are identifying as human… what would be the advantage of not being scared of death… it would completely change the human collective psyche and behavior patterns. I know it’s hard to imagine, but if we humans didn’t have to survive life… we’d have the time in the world to do… what? Live life to our fullest? Create our wildest of dreams? Well… if we are identifying as a spiritual human… this is what we are doing. We are trying to experience existence beyond the limits of a human… maybe what we can call it the spirit… many spiritual humans have developed an understanding that surviving life isn’t the most conscious way to live as a human… we’ve experienced the nonphysical and there’s no body to sense, no environment to experience, no human mind to learn… which may sound awful, but it’s not… but to have this physical experience and not be able to appreciate it’s brilliance would be the worst thing possible… because it’s our moment to take advantage of this masterful art we are creating. we are already on this spiritual path, but many don’t realize it. I didn’t realize it for most of my life, but just because I didn’t realize it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t happening already. Again I feel like I want to know how to make us realize we’re on a spiritual path already and of course sooner… lol… but I know it’s already happening, but is it happening at this pace because most of the collective is not conscious of this? Maybe we are conscious and the pace is perfect… maybe I’m just wondering why I feel the desire to help people see death differently. why do I have the desire to help people realize death and even the desire to support when they desire to transition? I’m comfortable asking these questions, and I’m comfortable not having to find a resolution at this time. Lol… I feel like I’ve been purging so much lately that I just feel like I’ve got space to spare. I feel like I have more attention to give to areas because again I feel like my energetic thoughts aren’t so spread out… this purging process is valuable to me. I appreciate everything that I’ve been able to attract to get me to this point. And again I’m excited to see how this continues to develop. Yeah I think this is a good place to stop for now. I’ve been thinking maybe I should spread my Journal entries out for a few days… I’m not sure but I’m open to it. Yes I’ve been getting a ton of value, but I also want to create some space from it too… lol… Creating space seems to be what I’m drawn to do right now. Alright until next time.

Anyone accusing me of running a suicide cult here will be banned. I am done entertaining your shameless crap. There is nothing black and white about my advice. So be very careful what you post here.

This is a video that I believe brings up valid issues with Actualized.org: This is my comment under the video: [I'm going to sound like an actualized (get it) internet soy brainwashed wojack by saying this, but Leo has had a big positive influence on my life personally. I'm going to try to justify some of his actions in this comment. First thing I should say is he is entirely unequipped to handle the problem of THREE PEOPLE committing suicide as a direct result of his videos. His whole attitude towards the topic is atrocious, and he absolutely needs to come up with a more effective means of preventing such events in the future, along with protocols to follow if suicide is a possibility for one of his followers. He changes what he says all the time about how life and spirituality works and whatnot but rarely acknowledges such contradictions in his videos. He also blames his followers for not accepting or understanding properly what he his saying which is absolutely the WRONG thing to do. He justifies this attitude by saying he is simply not tolerating people's ignorance but even if he is the all powerful enlightened master of the world, this is still an unwise approach. I also don't like his views on dating and the whole manosphere side of him. This is something that can be done away with I think. That being said, I am here to propose that not only are his teachings correct (when understood properly), they also have a huge potential for positive impact on the world, and already have helped many people. For me personally, it was his videos that got me OUT of the "athiest vs. theist" mentality that Thunderfoot pedals in his videos, which I watched a lot of. He gave me a new perspective on spirituality, religion, and a new way to think about life in general. He also instilled in me a very serious sense of open-mindedness and cognitive discipline (as I would call it). An ability to question beliefs of all kinds to a level that is not normally even thought possible among most people. I have taken a few doses of magic mushrooms at the inspiration of Leo and have had have had huge benefits (I will not go into the specifics). I did outside research on the affects of psychedelics on the human mind, potential negative effects, and was very careful while taking the doses to ensure nothing tragic would happen (which is a very real possibility if the right precautions are not taken, and is something I believe Leo should emphasize more). On the apparent pedophilia justification and mother fixation: Pedophilia is used as an example in his work because it is pretty much the most appalling topic he can think of. He uses this to try to back up the point that morality is human-centric and created by humans, and there is nothing universally objective about it. He does not make his assertion about the made-up nature of morals simply to justify pedophilia. He definitely was very rude and immature to Kevin, and I have no idea how he expects that behavior to convince more people of his own assertions. IDK what the pedophilia symbol thing is about though. I definitely hope he did not do that on purpose. If he is a pedophile that would make me very sad. The mother thing is also him using the topic of mothers to make one of his points. Most people hold their mother very near and dear to them in their hearts. He is encouraging people to question even their most sacred of beliefs in order to stop being attached to the ones the hold that are false and holding them back from further spiritual understanding. As far as the whole enlightenment, "I am god" thing is concerned, I would encourage anyone reading this to not instantly reject such statements merely because they are wacky and outrageous. Take the attitude of "It's probably false, but I'm going to try to at least understand what he is saying". It won't hurt to just consider new ideas, and you can always go back to the sane mainstream once you are done. For those who's lives have been negatively affected by Leo's teachings, I want to say that while they can be positive, he definitely is irresponsible giving such black and white, life altering statements to such a wide audience that could include children and people with mental illness. Especially the topic of psychedelics. That stuff is way more dangerous than he says. He needs to be much more responsible with his platform. He always says to take his teachings with skepticism and not accept them blindly, but he should have realized by now that this is not enough to prevent people ruining their lives using his ideas.] Let me know your guys' thoughts.

The suicide rates of trans people, should tell enough, how horrible they feel in our society currently. Yes there are some problems, for example with sports and women's bathrooms, but the focus should still be in acceptance and how we can make them feel better. We don't need to give More rights to one group of people that other have, but we still can make them feel .ore understood and accepted.

>I personally don't know if people really know what they are pursuing aka Truth. Wise points, both of them. Hope you don't mind if I comment on your message that was originally adressed to Yimpa ( : People are pursuing happiness/bliss/no more suffering. In my opinion by definition. Different projects, same motivation. You always follow something that you think will make you whole and end suffering. Or rather ending the cycle of being discontent from time to time (dukha=unsatisfactoriness, at least not totally permanent satisfying). >Maybe they'll become sad that Truth, Enlightenment and Awakening will not get you laid or rich. I can assure you that the really staying in your True Nature (not the preliminary one with Nonduality already happening but separate self still quite alive, the Nonduality-Identity, the "enlightened" "Person" . That is already awesome bliss-wise, but still has phases of being still grasping and not being fully there) will bring you what you want bliss-wise. For me, in the beginning it was like: Hey, you fooled yourself your whole life with every endeavour you thought would finally bring permanent bliss. Which at the end, it didn't. Not quite. But the strange thing was: It didn't end. The cycle of dis-satisfaction was broken. Just sitting there and doing nothing, watching a park, would completely suffice. A source of bliss within you, always accessible, just do the resting in your True Nature correctly. If you know how to contact & rest in it. I am happily married (which brings a lot of bliss), and also really can't complain on the financial side. But being rich will definitely not make you happy alone, no chance. It doesn't harm for sure (at least if you are not stupid), but doesn't and can't suffice. How could some arisings happening within you make you happy, when you don't know what You are? That is not the way the game is designed. It couldn't even be designed that way. Everbody is guided back home. How can some rich folks be excluded from that, in permanent bliss from just being rich. ( : Which is exactly what you can see happening: See all the celebrity-examples. Just doesn't suffice. Many even suicide, having tried all standard methods for bliss, and having had the privilege to try them all, and find them quite lacking: quite higher tendency for drugs & suicide than average. You need the True Thing (capital T) I know, some text lines & claims in a forum. But hey, its true. And even True. And you reading that, you already have That! You are already That! Never can not be That, never having not been That. ( : Maybe you just dont know what you really are, and how to access that. Maybe there are (1) clouds of mistaken identity, and (2) regular cycles of suffering/dis-satisfactoryness in the way. One day, this life or the next, "you" will find a way for the clouds to be seen through/blown away, and you will recognize that (1) and (2) have been the exactly same phenomenon and process happening within you, one causing the other, or rather: being the same process. Like in "couldn't be designed any different, but hey, what the heck of a magnificent ride". Then you will laugh at the greatest joke ever not told.... I wish you bon voyage on the journey back home. Water by the River

So, I just want to share some information and a disclaimer on myself. Though I consider myself relatively mental healthy I do sometimes feel strong negative emotions. During these down periods I sometimes have suicidal thoughts and I have expressed them here in the past. I want to issue a disclaimer that I do not condone suicide. I share real struggles I've dealt with since my youth. These types of thoughts somehow got wired into my brain through either my genes or my up bringing. I believe in honouring my life. Really, I share the negative thoughts because I want to be real and also share my progress as I go about healing these types of thought patterns. They are a trauma and a dysfunction I deal with. I think it's actually a whining sort of spiritual bypassing fantasy where I could completely replace what is with my fantasy of how I would like it. It's neurotic. I will improve in this regards and love myself more and be more kind. I will also do the things I need to do to get to where I want to go and just be patient and persistent. I believe in living my life to the fullest. Suicide is not something I will ever do. It is a thought I need to heal around through more consciousness, love and self reflection. I take my role as a mod seriously and part of that is being a leader around mental health. We need to keep ourselves healthy and treat each other well. Let's make this a place that promotes the highest quality mental health we can have and nothing less. Self Love is the most important thing. If you could be one thing, be well. It's okay to have ups and downs as long as we are working on our downs through regular self reflection. I am well. And if you are not feeling well right now just breath, take it easy. Being kind to what is. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. You continue to grow. Rest is important. I am working on always working from a place of inner wellness. That is home base. I am there more and more frequently as I improve my cognitive function through regularly journaling, self reflection, reading, direct experience, trial and error. It's a process of discovery, and it involves failure and ups and downs. But, I basically know that my number one goal is to love what is.

Leo said it was ego bullshit when I was suicidal when my friend killed himself. But threatened to kill himself and others Double standard much @Leo Gura How should we feed or respect Leo when he doesn't care if we suffer, die, call us stupid, idiots, retarded, threaten suicide, and murder. When i could make the same valid argument. And be INSTANTLY banned

I personally have been abused as a child, so when Leo threatens to hit you, kill himself, and kill you. I expect more, and Leo has also said there is no one else to teach. And that he is the most and only awake. Teaching on a relative level even becomes pointless. All the arguments Leo makes against us can simply be turned back. Unless you are Leo directly. There is NO Leo AWAKENING. So automatically Leo is already contradicting your own experience. @Inliytened1 so yes brute forcing people with threatening suicide and murder is foolish what needs to be see through is awakening vs leos own personality And I'm sure the open minded and hard working people don't appreciate coming on here. To be raged at by someone who claims to be more awake then them. When they had a bad day at work. People deserve more

I see no better place to document the transformation that forgiveness has allowed. All my life, I have been over protective. I was afraid and wanted to avoid trauma and being hurt. This over protection is what caused most of the suffering in my life because I was afraid and trying to avoid suffering. The only way for me to experience love would be to take off my armor and be vulnerable, but this was the last thing I wanted to do. I was protective in my family life when I avoided them by staying in my room. It didn't help that my older sister and mother had anger issues, nor did it help that there were episodes of domestic violence between mom and step dad who were drug addicts that stole my money. I was afraid of making any small mistake which would set them off, so I hid. I was protective in my school life. I was afraid of the other kids who were bullying me. In response, I isolated myself from the other kids, but this backfired. I became an easy target because I was alone. I needed to double check everything to make sure the other kids didn't steal from me or write fa* on my jacket. Instead of keeping my backpack by my side, I moved to keeping it under my feet. This over protection in school was reinforced through the sexually inappropriate behaviors of other kids. After what happened with my sister, I became very closed to sex and judgemental of sex, not because of sex itself, but because of the punishment associated with it. I saw the other kids as fools as they constantly got themselves in trouble with humping other kids, drawing penises on the walls, and other childish behaviors. I used to laugh with the other kids about all of this myself, but I had changed because I was afraid of punishment. Sexual harassment didn't help. There was one girl who grabbed my penis twice and another girl who followed me around trying to get me to have an orgy. I was immediately uncomfortable with any girl attempting to make me look or feel slutty. Deep down I wanted a relationship in which I could express my authentic feelings, but it seemed to me that it was not possible. I stayed closed. I have been protective in my hyper vigilance when it came to any selfish thought or impulse. I judged myself very harshly and didn't want to hurt others. This included the possibility of using autism as an excuse to get away with selfishness which scared me. It included making people uncomfortable with my weird behaviors no matter how hard I tried to be good. All of my judgements paralyzed me as I feared doing anything remotely wrong. This led to all kinds of "what if I do this?" The fear of not being able to control myself made me more protective as I created fears which didn't exist. I am prone to catastrophizing and coming up with scenarios that lead to suicidal thoughts. This includes the paralysis that I feel when attempting to approach a woman. I see millions of things that could go wrong because I don't trust myself to be a good person. My defense from strong negative emotions include repression, dissociation, and isolation. I have constantly wanted to remain separate from others as I lived in my own little bubble trying to be safe. In fact my over protection led to suicidal thoughts. I therefore tried to protect myself from over protection by being more protective for fear that I would kill myself, or cause harm to others. In truth the solution was to drop my armor, which was the last thing I wanted to do. I was ignorant and did not understand how to cope with all of my fears as I did my best to avoid trauma. This over protection is what traumatized me the most. In a way the possibility of suicide was comforting. I constantly felt like I was not in control of my life no matter how hard I tried. The ability to kill myself and eliminate all the suffering I didn't understand helped me to feel easier about my life. Suicidal thoughts are therefore a defense mechanism for strong negative emotions such as fear, shame, guilt, self hatred and others. There is a visualization I like to do in exercising forgiveness. I visualize the child who is acting over protective because he is afraid. He is ignorant and is struggling to cope with fear. Deep down he wants love, but struggles to love himself. He has several issues with depression and anxiety as he tries to protect himself from trauma while doing his best to be a good person. Although he tries to be a good person, he cannot help but fail and he blames himself harshly. He is afraid of his own selfishness and is unable to love himself, even though he tries to. all he wants is safety. I see the weakness and vulnerability in this child. I give him a hug as I tell him it's okay to be scared. I'm not mad at you. You are only trying to be good and you deserve to be loved. It makes me cry when I do this visualization, including now. This is the child who needs to be forgiven. Part of me still feels the need to be protective because I'm scared. I notice the tension in my back and shoulders dissolving, but then coming back. I don't want to be hurt, but in doing so I block out love. This makes me feel conflicted and unsure as to whether or not I should stop being protective because of my doubts and fears. I might need to ease into being less protective.

@Danioover9000 i don't know if there is advice to be given in my case. but simply put, people get selfish reasons to be turned against me evrywhere I go. this was not so in the past. you have these people who grew up moderately rich or quite lucky that occupy key positions in society. they are not religious or anything like that. totally immoral, but with a face of decency cause they have the power to make themselves appear like they are good. on the other hand, they have an enemy, me. with fale evidence, distorted claims of what happend, they go about, scheaming with others and making me appear like a devil or person who does not deserve to live in this world. they basically try to provocke me, i don't want to say it but also poison me (they can easily get people to give them recordings of the food i buy and then get someone to place something inside, they have access to my house so when i am gone they can enter, they stalk me and point out my mistakes and describe them wrongly so that others get false assumptions. their goal is to make me commit suicide, to leave me deprived of all men and money, to make sure i never achieve a higher or any kind of education for that matter, to basically hide he truth about themselves which i pretty much know in order to have it all. so yeah. their goal is to strip me of everything out of some sort of sadistic desire, anger or fear. i am not sure about why they hate me yet. but basically their goal is to prevent self actualization and make me appear either like a liar or fool if i start complaining about them to people and to then accusse me of malicious gossip for which i would have to pay dearly. they also want the stuff and perception of me to remain low and even lower so that i am not allowed to associate with anyone except from a place of powerlessness like a slave or pacient or prisoner. what else can i say, i don't know. i just can't do anything about it cause they are like my parents. they have that much control over my life. it is like the past just repeats itself and i know what went wrong in it to produce bad results, but now again i just have to put up with the beatings metaphorically and for real. physical and emotional abuse at the most sophisticated level i have ever seen.

Him: Why are you afraid to speak against them? Me: Because they will say that I lie, gossip, they will manipulate me more, it will hurt so much. They are so evil and they have it all. Him: I am sorry for your situation. It will be okay. You will basically be going together with many others dying around the world from similar reasons. People die. People die in war as well as when there is apparently no war. People commit suicide and no one knows why except those who made them do so. They just do and they can't explain it.

Me: You are a horrible God. What do you have to say for yourself? Him: I already told you, let me speak. Go find what you are seeking for and I'll do the best I can to help you and guide you to the right people. Me: I don't believe you. You are lying. I am afraid that you cannot do anything to protect me and you won't do anything actually. Cause you don't exist. You are limited to my body and you cannot control anything outside of that. You have a hard time controlling even my body. Him: What do you want me to say? I am sorry. If you don't like the world the way it is, the way I made it, you are free to leave any time you wish. Although maybe you might be prevented from leaving in the future if you stay a bit longer by people in order to make you suffer immensly. Me: Yeah, well, then it is better that I leave, isn't it? I want to give money to this site, I want it to grow and become famous around the world. But me giving my money to it before suicide might just leave it in a worse state. What do you suggest I do with the money? Him: Ask about charities on the forum. Ask about that. I just have to tell you that if you left your parents other people would come after you to make sure that you have no option but to return home to them and then you will again feel this way. Come to me and everything will be fine. Me: Yes, I know that. Thank you for reminding me. This world is not mine and I am too sick to fight for my rights. They took the world and everything in it. All the knowledge and wealth is theirs, now all they have to do is take care of their enemies and I am one of their enemies. I wish you avenged me, but you can't if you are gone after I die. Him: You'll be fine. Don't worry about that. Everything is gonna be fine. They won't go unpunished. Karma has its ways. Me: But I don't believe in Karma and this stuff. Reincarnation is a fairytale. Him: Where do you want to go in your next life? It doesn't matter if you believe it or not, you'll either be sleeping or going somewhere else. Me: Hmm... I, I want to go exactly where I am now! Just in such good circumstances that I don't have to leave.

As someone with many years on the spiritual path I will wish to remind you that focusing too much time/energy on the 3rd eye will leave you ungrounded and unbalanced and unable to integrate. Focus on your Heart chakra, Root chakra and Crown chakra. The rest will balance. I met far too many people 'all over the place' because they forced energy only on the third eye, especially substance abusers. Many turn depressed and cannot make sense of reality anymore, some end up suicide or in mental institutes. This is why there is Master(guru) and student(disciple).

@Fadious It keeps showing up in these situations because life (parents and caretakers, siblings, "friends") conditioned you since childhood and teenage years to act that way. It's usually a deeply imbedded pattern which is hard to redirect even when you are conscious during these situations. it can also be anger towards yourself because you go over your own boundaries by (seemingly) allowing people to do as they please. When starting out on the journey of expressing repressed emotions, watch out for feeling overly chaotic inside and feeling that these emotions are too much for you. Perhaps even thoughts of self-harm and suicide can come up in order to avoid feeling these repressed emotions. That shows that the steps taken towards expression were too big. Make tiny steps. They will suffice for processing and you feeling free after some emotional work.

If you're seriously contemplating suicide, as @r0ckyreed said seek professional help. You aren't seeing clearly. Yes there are rare exceptions, for example euthanasia for people in extraordinary and inescapable pain. But the vast majority of suicides are people seeking escape from the demons of their mind, in the mistaken belief that their demons can't be dissolved. You created this form and its existence for a reason. Instead of tossing it aside, dive into it and realize the absolute love within that created this form in the first place.

Please call 988 if you are in the United States. Speak to an Existential Therapist for professional support. Suicide isn’t going to solve any problems for you. You need to focus on solving the Matrix. It can be done. There is hope. Focus on your awakening and your basic needs.

Like if I sit at a beautiful tropical beach and meditate myself to death will that be the same as shooting myself in the head? honestly life on earth Is made for animals I don’t belong here lol. I just can’t handle I gotta do this properly if I’ll do it this is like my 10th post about suicide, sorry if it’s getting too repetitive. I’m just really trying to decide here

Stage blue choosing suicide over facing the transformational dilemma (Javert from Les Misérables)

Oh God. I just realized we'll have a thread like this on this forum every week for the rest of my life. Now I understand suicide.

@Leo Gura Well, that's true we do have a high suicide and suffer a lot from self hatred. The difference is the hatred is more internalised than external. Take a look at this way, the right has pushing this anti-trans narrative for years now, calling us groomers and all sorts of nasty things I won't repeat here. When you see public figures and celebrities jumping on the bandwagon, exaggerating how "woke" and "snowflakey" we are and you see politicians pushing forward laws that intend to push us away from public life, on top of that you already have gender dysphoria and may have family or friends that disowned you for being transgender, of course you're start hating yourself.

Even though you often talk about that everything is relative, you don't live up to that nihilistic notion, because you would be already dead . In order for you to survive, you have to have a hierarchical valuesystem, where your survival is somewhat up there alongside with other things. Having meaning and values in your life is an essential and a core part of your survival. So, yes, you do follow certain set of rules and values and yes you will necessarily follow something that is up at the highest level is your valuesystem and you can't and won't espace that. You don't just do random shit to achieve what you want to achieve, you do a specific set of practices to get there and you have beliefs about which ones are more effective and which ones are not. This is the thing you guys always forget with the constant "I don't have rules and beliefs" is that you will necessarily follow some patterns and practices regardless if you acknowledge it or realise it or not; and you will act accordingly. The problem is that if you don't have a religion you will have to reinvent the wheel (all the elements that religion gives - that are part and necessary elements of your survival) in an often times unconcious manner and chaotic way. The maximum you can say is that your system is somewhat dynamic (you will excluide and include certain things in your system), but even that dynamic element has some patterns to it and you don't just use randomness when it comes to exclusion and inclusion. In the relative world its not all relative, and we can use empirical data and science to massively help your realize which path will fit you better. You can set a up a system (that can be dynamic and forever evolving) that can help you with the choosing process accordingly all the known stuff and empirical data at that particular time. Yes doing this algorithmic process is limited, but as I said you will follow your own algorithmic process anyway, that will be often times unconscious and chaotic asf, filled with a bunch of assumptions. Your example is also not necessarily applicaple this time, because what we are talking about is much more essential and necessary than just education. Its like if you would say "there are people who need water and there are people who don't" - no, people do need water in order to survive. With the integration of statistics and science we could literally demonstrate which values will lead to a more fulfilling life and which ones will lead you to suicide and depression and to other bad stuff. Pretending that all values will lead to an equally happy, effective, and fulfilling life or to God, would be ignorant ( so this "everthing is relative" bullshit needs to fly out the window in the context of this conversation). If you would have a system where only your feelings would dictate everything , you would probably be dead or in prison right now. You can have a system, where your feelings are integrated and have a very special place and a specific purpose. Thats where the integration of science and empirical data comes in. You can set up a constantly evolving dynamic system and track what the most common dynamics, practices are, that are often times necessary for Awakening. There are general patterns to everything, and first trying those general practices (that statiscally lead most people to Awakening) is much better than you being forced to do and try all shit on your own, with your limited time and money. When you make a critique, you automatically have to recognise whats the alternative that you argue for --> Doing shit randomly or what? If we recognize that God is the highest value, then we have to make it somewhat tangible (and btw we all do this, including Leo, because looking at all the fucking threads made about awakening, he clearly made distinctions between awakening to God and other types of awakening) - so we might as well do the "making of the highest value tangible" in a collective, conscious way. So here is a process. 1) Recognition/acceptance of a common highest value 2) Defining that highest common value in a tangible way, in order to be able to measure if you are moving towards or moving away from that value. You will do both of these steps regardless if you have religion or not. You will define a highest value for your own self, and you will try to make it tangible, because you will want to measure if you are going towards it or going away from it. Now, once both of those things are established, we can start the measuring process and the exclusion process (excluding things that doesn't lead to that highest value)

Because I had this inner feeling that was pushing me on high doses. It has nothing to do with ego, it's pure curiosity. I guess I have it in order not to fall asleep forever. On the other hand, I'm also dump :)) I thought that I'm an expert in tripping on shrooms. I was wrong. I also thought I had reached the highest possible states on 5MeO-Mdt. Again, I was wrong. 10 - 15 minutes after taking shrooms. I had this gut feeling that something big is about to happen. "I've got God's balls this time" - I was thinking to myself. I was excited to see what happens. The rest of the trip (6+ hours). I was laying on my bed with my eyes closed. I was seeing some colours and shapes and I was trying to zoom into them as much as possible. And then I realized I'm God and I'm good by my nature. I started crying and wimping because I had always thought I'm really bad and not right! And the next moment my realization that I'm God became even deeper. "Oh fuck no-no-no" I was saying opening my eyes. I was seeing the same "objects", but this time there was no object. It was something I didn't know exactly what. Paradoxically I knew that I was constructing my experience, but at the same time I didn't have control over it. Then I realized what god actually is and what is awakening. It was happening to me because of me but I didn't know how! This freaked me out so fucking much. I put my earbuds and started listening to music. Next moment I realized that I'm listening to music in order to stop my awakening. At the same time the first waive of an extreme limitless and painful euphoria filled me up. The problem was I didn't have my body!!! So infinite love was filling me in and out erasing more and more of my possible boundaries. l realized I don't have boundaries and whatever I see it's just me. The difference between "inside" me and the "outside" was one - I had self-awareness and self-consciousness. First paradox - everything is consciousness but there's only one conscious being - me. I almost shit myself when I realized it. I was like "Ohhh! Fuck!!!". As I was dressing up, another infinite cycle of painful euphoria was hitting me. I lay down on my bed saying "okay, I'm just gonna accept it". But I couldn't, because I didn't have control over these waves. At that point a new type of wave crushed on me - panic. I was thinking "Oh fucking shit, oh fuck what am I gonna do". I was ready to commit suicide but I knew that I'm already dead. I guess that's where I entered the hell because I realized that I have a really high chances of not being able to fall myself asleep again. I begun telling myself “It will stop, just go outside!". From time to time I was looking on my watch and experiencing no time and eternity every minute (paradox, huh?) . I also noticed that whatever is happening just seems happening, nothing actually is going on. Everything is static although appears changing. I finished dressing up and went "outside". Again, it didn't change anything because it was the same me everywhere and nowhere at the same time. So there I was walking under the rain trying to fool myself that I'm not god and I'm about to get to fall asleep, but of fucking course I was conscious of lying to myself. Also infinite waves of infinite love were literally torturing me. I was tortured by infinite love. It didn’t matter how hard I was trying to accept it I just couldn’t. I entered the bus and took a seat. I realized even deeper that all boundaries are illusion and I’m everywhere in a form of everything. I started praying to myself to fall asleep. “Please I want to sleep, please…!” I couldn’t. “Okay” I told myself “I’m accepting this”. I couldn’t do that either because accepting the possibility of loosing my ability to sleep was too much of an ask for me. I realized that that’s my deepest fear and now it’s fucking reality! Awakening isn’t a pleasant and vanilla like experience. It’s a true fucking hell! See, I experienced something like that on 5MeO-DMT, but less intensely and only for 10 minutes or so. This time hours were passing by but all was the same. I was absolutely awake for eternity. I wanted to cry or to scream or to ask for help but I was too conscious for having otherness anymore. My game had collapsed. “Fuck, what have I done!!!” – I was thinking to myself. “What am I gonna do?”. Then I realized that doing is just illusion and only being is the truth. Since being means eternity, it scared me even deeper. The question was “Now what?”. I was seeing these things (that used to be other humans for me) knowing that these things are/is myself. I thought that I did something I couldn’t change – I woke up and lost my ability to sleep. Funny enough I was thinking “Maybe I could imagine Leo being more awake than I am” so I texted Leo lol. I was walking around shopping molls trying to convince myself that I’m going to “sleep soon” but it wasn’t really successful. So, I had to give up. At some point I really and deeply accept it. That’s where I begun to constructing my dream again. Thanks god (myself) that I have this amazing ability – to sleep .

It’s truly amazing how the deeper you get into this work, the more frequent you’ll experience awakenings. Even the very subtle awakenings are becoming a beauty to bask in. As I’m typing this comment, I’m experiencing increased awareness and connection to others (who are me, of course). This experience, just half a year ago, would have made me call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And I’ve only begun to scratch the surface! Life is beautiful.

Thank you. This self Suffered many and most years in early childhood with traumatizing beatings and molestations and everything that was shitty, by several parents/steps, family members, ran way cross country at 14 into many other various ugly traumatic chapters in L.A. I had to crawl and claw out of it. I never once seriously considered suicide - I knew there was a better life to be had and I was going to have that! Educating myself with some skills, lived it some shitty gang infested places, VERY driven and nothing could ever stop me!! Being a slender cute blonde, I got a job in a rat infested all male warehouse and studied hard every night on better things. Strived into a successful career. Along side all that I did inner work best I new how at the time. I got a little black notebook and started collecting meaningful life quotes. I busted ass big time in career chapters and retired super duper early, with several properties in a couple countries even. Then I was able to dive even deeper, deeper still, 24/7 for several years … I wanted the gold … the Truth! Studying every philosophy, psychology, ancient guru to modern theory and freakin beyond. Your work is a huge part of the journey and the gratefulness is beyond expansive!!!! The world experience can really suck and one human’s nightmare can be another human’s lazy easy day for sure and the mind is a total bitch! Be a hard ass, be a softy, be whatever it takes, keep answering all the questions, making the vids, sharing the experiences, direct the pointings, KEEP DOING THE GOOD WORK! GRATITUDES & INFINITE LOVE EVOLVE HUMANITY