Emotionalmosquito

I’ve actually been progressing over the last several months. I’m less resentful. Not perfect by any means, but measurably better. I’m having better moods more often and the bad ones don’t last as long or hit as hard as they did a year ago. I’ve gotten back into yoga. Trying to get in at least a 20 minute meditation a day but it’s been tricky to work that into a habit. Much more physical exercise. I even took up a free improv training. Been to 3 classes so far. Not to mention therapy, I have the best guy I could’ve asked for. If I had any money I’d be able to get a dating coach to address the other things you asked. The specific problems I may be running into in my approaches. Writing pickup reports is an interesting idea, maybe I’ll do that and post them here for feedback. I’ve asked out one and she said yes. The girl in question here. Though I didn’t frame it as a romantic date. More like a simple, “Wanna do this thing with me sometime?”

We’ve had two good talks so far. I think a connection has possibly been made because we resonate decently well on the yoga stuff. I have her telephone number and she has agreed to pick up trash with me next month. She was surprisingly forthcoming about not having a romantic partner when I assumed she did in conversation. But there’s also someone else who seems likely interested as I am. He’s taller, mega muscular and way more badass like than I. So I’m under no delusion at all she’ll pursue me over him as anything that could go beyond platonic friendship. It’s so typical I’m not even mad or annoyed by it anymore. I’m just sitting here clearly predicting the future. They end up in a committed relationship and I’m right back to depriving myself of ejaculation and taking ice cold showers. It’s so fundamental to reality it’d be like getting upset at water for being wet or predicting 8:00 at 7:30. For whatever reason it’s been decided that in this volume of absolute infinity, every time there appears to be a chance at girlfriend it’s either approach anxiety makes me appear as some psycho rapist that has her terrified, someone else gets to her first, someone better looking is available, we live too far apart, we’re simply not a good match… oh it’s endless but ALWAYS something without fail. So what do I even do in this situation? Do I burn the number and ditch the class? Do I submit to cuckoldry? Unless a miracle happens we already know the outcome either way. Except one may leave me with more dignity than the other. What was God’s intention behind this prank?

If I finally worked up the courage to ask out a girl I liked, but unbeknownst to me she was the mean girl type. So then she acts into it just to bait me in close enough to do a malicious knee strike. That just might do it. Well I wouldn’t now, but had I gone through that back in high school, I probably could’ve gone through with it.

@Cubbage Jacob’s Ladder is just as beautiful as it is scary. Haven’t seen Get Out but I know the lead actress is an absolutely detestable person irl

That’s why I wear my trusty shoe boosters. Sad thing is many chicks are still just as or even taller, must be something in the water. (Joke) They’re still helpful though. I still just can’t get over the fact that it’s come to having to approach hundreds upon hundreds of women just to barely start getting the hang of it when other people just end up with someone (often going through a few or several different girls before they get there) just by the natural flow of life. Wtf is wrong with us? Or what’s wrong with modern women, maybe a mix of both? Idgaf anymore about my puny town of 50k not being good enough. I’ll venture out when feasible but otherwise I’m grinding it out right here until everyone starts noticing me as the town freak just for daring to attempt to have the most natural thing in the human experience. I’ll continue increasing my state, learning all the right methods and utilizing them to exhaustion. If nothing else it’ll be just to spite the overly optimistic normies who think “oh you’ll find a girl someday” “She’s out there for you!” ☺️ when they see I’m doing literally everything right without shit to show for it. @Majed tbf I think they’re right about the importance of not being overly reliant on a guru. Even Leo himself says to not take his word for things because finding the truth for ourselves is what matters. All he can do is nudge us in the right direction.

This is pretty much where I’m at at the moment. I’ll need to drive at least an hour or so out at least 2-3 times a week to get any real results since my city is quite bad for game, so job will be required. @Majed How far do you plan on venturing out each time and how often? Or did you mean you need a job more for buying drinks, paying for dates, that stuff?

You must have overlooked some of what I said. I’ve tried all those things to no avail, otherwise I wouldn’t have this problem. I have no money for healthy food. I can’t find a job even after dozens and dozens of applications. I can’t afford the amount of food I’d need to exercise properly because my metabolism is so retardedly high as it is. My will power/discipline is absolutely broken, so brute forcing anything is impossible. I would do SSRIs if it weren’t for the risk of akathisia (the worst side effect known to man)

Never imagined I would’ve ended up this deeply twisted up in a web of addiction to scrolling, gooning, nicotine, hatred, and negative thinking. It’s gotten so bad it’s beginning to devastate my physical health as well. The longer it festers the more physical symptoms it causes like involuntary muscle twitching in random places, extreme fatigue, headaches, weird ass sensations around my scalp and face, and cognitive decline. I wake up almost every night in a state of total fear and a feeling as if my neurons are being raped by digital demons. (I can’t stress enough how horrifying it feels on all levels) Then what do I do? Sometimes start scrolling and gooning again at 3:00 in the morning knowing full well it’s gonna fuck me up exponentially worse. I know how fucked I am and exactly the things causing it, yet I’m utterly powerless to stop doing them. Meditation isn’t cutting it anymore, particularly because I’m far too weak to make myself do enough of it consistently to bear any fruit. I’ve spent a decent chunk of time here complaining about women and not having a girlfriend. But I’ve realized at this point if I were to land one my resentment would likely overpower any bit of sexual fulfillment or companionship such that all I’d want is to beat the living tits off her and abuse her as payback for how much work it took to obtain her as well as for these dumbass bullshit new trends where the girls think it’s so funny to hit us in the balls. I’ve dabbled in cold approach here and there, but as of recent all it does anymore is serve to make me hate women more and more. My brain is so fried it’s genuinely getting scary, my cognition is shit, my sleep is trash and I don’t know what to do anymore. Yes, I’m seeing a mental health professional, no it’s not helping. That’s despite the fact that I now have the best therapist I’ve ever had. What I need is rehab but unfortunately my situation hasn’t yet been identified as destructive enough to be eligible for it. Obviously this barely does it justice, but it gives a general idea of the predicament. I done goofed big time letting things get this bad.

In that case how about I give you or any seasoned pickup veterans a list of things I dare them to say “with good energy” ? Let’s put this idea to the test once and for all.

🚩 🚩 🚩 Immediately start documenting every single bit of evidence you have of her consenting to everything you did. Take screenshots, record as much as possible. Some girls don’t take it too well when you win their heart only to cut them off shortly after. Always be prepared.

In Buddhism they think whatever progress you made in your last life carries over to the next. Whatever impurities you eradicated or new ones you picked up will set the scene for your next incarnation. Nothing about becoming god or returning to absolute infinity, at least not until you’ve had enough lifetimes to do all the work it takes to return to the source of everything. Did somebody just make that up because it sounds logical enough or are they right??? What could possibly be more important than knowing this? The stakes could not be any higher.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaTwdZmCGW_/?igsh=ZTR0d2l5eWNtNmdr

If this is true then yes, I want death more than anything. The social game here is abysmal, aside from the few genuinely good friendships I have as well as the occasional cool people you’ll meet. Also the financial system is awful. The only bits of enjoyment I get here are nicotine, video games, shit posting, and some healthy things like picking up litter, dipping in cold springs, going to beaches, and having some money in my wallet. The “Be yourself” meme doesn’t work for everyone due to reasons already discussed many times. Other than that the world is miserable. @LordFall Said, “God is offering you the infinite physical universe, I would be careful with assuming that's a lesser prize.” ❓ ❓❓❓❓❓ It’s a lesser prize because physical life is ridiculously hard. Millions of people in the U.S. alone are one paycheck away from eviction. It’s $3-4 a gallon to fuel your car in the cheaper areas. The affordable foods use ingredients that turn people into what looks like lab rat experiments. The job market is a joke. I’ve filled out dozens and dozens of applications and followed up, no luck. Life would be great if you could just travel around by foot. But things are several thousands of miles apart. The sun would burn your flesh off and dehydrate you to death even faster without copious amounts of water. You would turn into a skeleton from all the calorie expenditure if you’re not replacing it all with nonstop food supply. (The food thing is a problem regardless, I can’t stand eating and the requirement for it.) Life sucks massive donkey dick and I’ve been trying so hard to make it not.

Probably the contrast is what makes it special. Wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful to have it all if you hadn’t first been through a lifetime or more of deprivation. Although that still doesn’t explain why people go through unspeakably horrific waking nightmares. No individual would willingly subject themselves to things like gang rape, torture, etc. Even if the contrast once it’s eventually over is unlimited bliss in every way they ever wanted.