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This life is called the mortal dream. You have to catch yourself when you take life too serious, and compare it with a dream. When you take your dream serious, and you become violently upset over something, and I try to explain to you, you're dreaming, you will never believe me, because the dream world is very powerful at that time. The doctor has diagnosed cancer, you've got two months to live. But I tell you, "You're dreaming." Do not put your energy on that. Rather turn within. See your reality. Understand that this is a dream. Well you chase me away. You do not want to accept that, because no one else believes it. Yet you wake up in the morning, and it was just a dream. Think about the problems, the wonderful experiences, everything you've been through since you were born. It appears so real, doesn't it? And even now you are a product of all your samskaras, all of your preconceived ideas, your concepts, and how you were brought up and trained. This is your life. You do not know any other life but this. Yet every person seems to come from a different upbringing. Every person has their own beliefs, their own ideas, what's right, what's wrong, what is good, what is bad. That's how wars start. That's how man's inhumanity to man begins. When you believe I'm right and you're wrong. When you begin to see things that are not right and you want to correct them. No one has ever told us, instead of doing that, dive within yourself and see perfection. See the atman. See unlimited bliss. Begin to dwell on the reality, and soon your world will become reality. When you go to a movie, there's a beginning, a middle, and an end. What is left? The screen. The movie was shown on the screen and all sorts of things transpired in the movie. People were killed, people got married, people had children, the world was bombed, yet the screen never changes. The screen remains the same. There's a story on the screen about a person who was born, he's sexually abused by his parents, he goes through all kinds of horrifying experiences, he becomes a man, becomes a serial killer. All this is going on, on the screen. Then again you see a prince. A baby is born a prince. He grows up into beautiful circumstances, has everything in life, doesn't seem to have a problem. This is too going on, on the screen. But there's an end, and all the images are gone. The screen remains, untarnished, unblemished, the same as it was yesterday, and the week before, and the year before. My friends, your true nature is like the screen. You are not the image that appears to go through different trials and tribulations, or appears to be enjoying life to the utmost. They're both impostors. You are like the screen. There never really was an image. The image appeared for a time. It appeared. It appeared due to the fact that if you try to grab the image on the screen, what would you grab? The screen. That's why it is an appearance. It is hard to believe that your life, what appears right now, is unreal, simply because you have identified with it strongly. This is what is called maya, the grand illusion. You have strongly identified with your appearance of life, and you are reacting accordingly. Every time you react you are accruing karma. Accruing karma simply means the image is continuing again and again, the ego becoming stronger and stronger. And even when you leave this body, it continues into another body. There's no end. You go through many cycles, some good, some bad. You have all kinds of experiences. But until you realize that you are not the experiencer and there's no experience, you will go through the cycles of karma again, again, again, ad infinitum, no end. It is only when you get tired of playing the game called maya, playing a part called leela, that you decide to find the answer to your existence. You have to go through the game over and over again, and finally begin to search. You become a seeker. You begin to read spiritual philosophy. You may find a teacher and you're on the path. Depending on what you do, this determines where you go from there. When you come to a meeting like this, when you attend a satsang like this, you can rest assured that you have done spiritual work in a previous life. You deserve to be here to understand the reality, to understand how to transcend the mind, the ego, the pesonal self. As you begin to practice self-inquiry, witnessing, the I am meditation, things begin to happen. You're searching for self-realization, whereas all this time, self-realization has been exactly where you are. You have always been that, yet you believe you've got to search, you've got to read books, deep philosophies, when all you had to do was to wake up. All you had to do was awaken, just as when you awaken in the morning from your dream, you awaken. It's the same thing now. You simply have to awaken. Yet what is keeping you from awakening? Your attitudes. You are attached to your emotions and you are seeing things in your life that either appear wrong or appear either appear right. As long as you have a concept of right or wrong, you can never transcend your body and become free. Some people ask, "But things are right and wrong in this world. I have to take a stand." My question to those people are always the same. "To whom is there right and wrong? Who feels right and who feels wrong?" Only the ego. In reality there's no right and there's no wrong. There are just experiences of a dream unfolding. Yet the dream doesn't exist. It never did. The world, as it appears right now, does not exist. It never did. The way you believe you are, does not exist. It never did. There is only one and you are that. There never were others. There's only the one. Yet most of you cannot feel this. You're so identified with maya that the world of appearances cause you to feel emotional. You therefore have to work on yourself. You have to do something to yourself, to help you become free. If you leave yourself alone, and you do nothing, you'll go through life, after life, after life, on various planets. You'll have various bodies, female, male, maybe other bodies. It will never end for you. Therefore you begin to question your existence. That is the first step. You question your existence. You question your existence by inquiring, "Who am I? Where did I come from? What is my real nature?" You start this early in the morning, as soon as you open your eyes. Instead of being cognizant of the world, you leave the world alone for a few minutes. You question yourself, you ask yourself, "Who is awake?" and the answer comes, "I am. I am awake." Then you realize, "I also slept, I slept well, I had a good dream," and you start to wonder about this. This same I that is now awake, is the same I that had a good dream, and the same I that slept well. "Who is this I? What is it's source?" There is a spiritual center on the right side of your chest. You may call this the God center or consciousness. It is on the right side of your chest. You begin to trace the I-thought back to that center from whence it came. Once the I goes back into the center, you become liberated. Therefore the whole idea of spiritual practice, in Advaita Vedanta, is to follow the I-thought back to the source and become free. When the I appears to leave the spiritual center it goes into the brain, and you become cognizant of I am, I am the body, I think. Then you create a world and a universe out of your mind, and the world appears to you as reality. This all happens in a split second. That's why you're not aware of it. In other words, while you were sleeping the I rested in the spiritual center. As soon as you awaken, in a split second, the I goes into the brain, you become cognizant of a body, and then a world, and then a universe, and the mortal dream begins. So, you have to vehemently make up your mind that you really want to awaken. That's the first prerequisite. How do you know if you really want to awaken? You are sick and tired of the world. You're a person who is no longer trying to change bad for good, for you realize they're both impostors. You understand that the good lasts for so long, then there is bad. The bad lasts for so long, then there is good. You get old, you leave your body, and the game continues. You have to be disgusted with this first, I kid you not. As long as you believe you're enjoying the world and enjoying your life as a human being, you cannot awaken. It's like being in a dream and you're having a wonderful dream. You just don't want to wake up. But all things in the dream must come to an end and change. If you realize that the only thing permanent in life is change, then you will treat the good things in your life the same way as the bad things in your life. You will not become emotional over them, and you will not be attached to them. That's the only time you can go further. As long as you still want to play the game of maya, and act out your part, there's no sense in practicing self-inquiry, for your attachment will keep you back from reality. But for the person who has gone through many lives and is ready to give it all up, that person can practice self-inquiry. A question arises. "When I become self-realized, do I have to go live in a cave, or in the forest, or become a hermit?" On the contrary, there are Jnanis in every field of endeavor. Yet who asked that question? The ajnani. This is one of the things you should not concern yourself over. Everything will always work itself out. Many of you call me on the telephone and tell me you're afraid of awakening. You think you'll be different, your family will leave you or you'll leave your family, you'll lose your job. This is all ignorance. None of that will happen. The only thing that will happen is you'll be awake, and you'll see the world as a superimposition on the Self. That's all. You will have exceedingly happy moments in your life when you're in delusion, but the happy moments go. When you're awake, you stay in unlimited bliss. You become unlimited bliss. There are no longer any mood swings. You're always the same. Joy, bliss, happiness, they're all rolled into one, and they are you. So the sincere student does not worry about the results, or what might happen. They're ready to go for it. When something in their heart opens and they're ready to go for it 100%, they are led to the right teacher, who can show them the way, and they follow the instructions of the teacher. That comes first in their life. Those are the beings who awaken into bliss […] Your real nature is like a universal screen. On that universal screen planets are being born, universes come and go. The earth is only a small dot on the screen. You are that screen. You are nothing else. You are Parabrahman, all-pervading. You are self-contained consciousness, absolute reality, emptiness, nirvana, sat-chit-ananda, I am that I am. That is your real nature. Therefore make up your mind. Whom shall I follow? Shall I follow my ego, my emotions and what appears to be real, or shall I begin to ignore those things and dive into my Self, becoming free? The choice is yours. -- Robert Adams, T93: Silence, The Spiritual Center

If you're here, you know about enlightenment. My advice is keep studying it. Do meditation. And spend the next 10 years partying your ass off and fuck as much as you can. Seriously, be a slut. Do lots of drugs. Experiment with everything. Travel. Go to festivals. Expand your mind. Enlightenment will be there for you when your older. Enjoy your 20s. Bask in the joys of Ego. All the lust, debauchery, and hedonism. Then when you've got all that out of your system, then dedicate yourself to enlightenment, so your next 40 years can be egoless bliss.

@Highest this is not god - this is like a child who first time heard that there is something like god and thinks it must be him. god doesn’t have a hierarchy between i and you - i and you is melting like snow in the unlimited love of deep connectedness to everything and nothing - that’s the difference. if you have not seen that yet you have no idea what height you can rise to and what bliss really feels like. it is not about letting god swing like you want, it is about god inhabiting you and making you swing like god swings. you don’t have an ounce of an idea. it’s the difference of you playing a guitar and jimmy hendrix playing you as a guitar. the ego god does not know yet how that’s like.

@Serotoninluv sorry i also didn't get that either but yes i am trying to figure out the parameters of emptiness and what is / is not emptiness specifically so far i have infinite/ freedom / love/ happiness/ peace / bliss/ all one/ still / silent /

You are right, I could have said it in a better manner. I am however experiencing ego backlash after my realization a couple of months ago. Anyways, in the perspective of God there is nothing and none to show love and appreciation, there is only... I. I am You, I am everyone and everything. There is bliss and self-love in knowing that which I am, but there is none and nothing else to show anything. You are not my creation, You are I. Reality is not my creation, reality is I. Not I as I, I as consciousness knowing itself, aware of itself as the only reality and existence that there is.

I almost couldn't summon the energy or motivation to pick up my laptop and write this post. But here goes....I had an enlightenment experience 2 months ago, which was incredible, and for 10 days I was in a state of peace. I slept better than I had in ages and it was proper deep-sleep (no dreams) and I only needed a few hours and would wake up every day feeling refreshed. The enlightenment experience came after watching Leo's "Spiritual Enlightenment - The most shocking truth..." video. I felt I had cracked it, and that I was at one and that nothing could take this bliss away from me. I was so peaceful that I decided nothing mattered anymore, so I started smoking and drinking again, both of which I had abstained from for months. Things have gradually got worse and worse. I lost the peaceful feeling and now every day is filled with intense anxiety and depression (even suicidal thoughts). It's like I made a huge step forward (the enlightenment experience) and then gradually regressed, back to my old emotional/behavioural patterns. So these days I oversleep, and feel terrible about waking up...I just want to go back to sleep again rather than face a depressed/anxiety ridden day. When I do get up I often just want to drink alcohol to numb the pain and combat the intense loneliness. Today, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle arrived through my door. I have read it several times before, and it certainly used to help me. But sometimes the present moment is full of suffering which has nothing to do with my mind - there is simply a feeling that exists that I can't seem to change, no matter how present I am. I know what you're all going to say, "just meditate" or "self inquire" and do the work. But sometimes I meditate for 3 hours straight and get no benefit. It's like I use up more energy by meditating than I would doing other daily activities, because the meditation is so uncomfortable. Anyways, I hope you can help me, but I'm not optimistic about it.

Yeah the absolute truth is that the portals or states of light, sound, emptiness, energy, vibration, consciousness or awareness, being(ness), the I Am and stillness are all non-existent appearances only because there is a perceiver/ego/self/subject, however gross or subtle it might be. This is why the viable strategy is ruthless self-inquiry all the way. It is basically staying with the presence of the subject while being totally uninterested in all objects, states, understanding, insights, peace, bliss and all that heart crap...until that illusory 'I am'ness/egoness/subjectness is found to be non-existent then, now, forever. Leaving you as you are, the absolute.

Reading through your lines reminds me of the same issues and moments of despair but also about that bliss that you feel during the day when you're just happy because you are. I like the fact you've got the balls and get out by yourself and do pick up and went into the bar. This made me laugh my ass off :)) That it's a guilty pleasure and is very difficult to get off it. It's an addiction. The only reason I do not eat dark anymore because the shop across the street has stopped to provide it. Trying to get off the refined sugar 100% is difficult but not impossible. Anyway, nice writing (feeling like we're in the same boat) and keep up the good work!

I had a lucid dream-like experience of visiting the akashic records. There I was approached by souls from my life, namely many characters that abused me in my childhood asking for my forgiveness and apologizing for the pain they caused me. Next day as I woke up, I got a text from a former friend who has anti-social personality disorder - who preyed on me when I was a teenager - asking me for something, and I just swiftly replied with "No thank you." symbolising my ending of the codependent cycle. At the same time I was then guided to watch many videos on youtube about gaslighting and narcissism. Later the same day I was a witness to intense level of attempts of the two narcissistic roommates to gaslight me. It was fascinating. One of them, a covert narcissist acting like a totally sweet person, tried to diminish my attempt to comfort a friend. The other one - overt narcissist, said something about my sweet potato in the oven... AINT NOONE TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY POTATO! My sweet potato is a gift from heaven and you shall not spew your poison on such Aight?! Today was really intense! edit: Oh yeah there is an eclipse coming in tomorrow so this all makes sense :D. I wish everyone a happy blood moon 21.1/18 :-) edit2: I should mention during this visit I was balling so hard, I mean I was hurt really badly as a child and I have totally forgotten and dissociated from that. I am so grateful I get to heal all this pain. I have also become very needy and codependent and for some reaosn I absolutely LOVE discovering that part of me. It finally feels like I am able to invite intimacy in. Btw akashic records are pretty awesome, heaven rocks guys. The energy is pure bliss and perfection of consciousness.

@ivankiss Yes I can only imagine, the only extended periods of bliss, presence, and some degree of nonduality is when tripping. Definitely see how living life from that state can be one of the most powerful things there is.

The mind-body primarily desires security and comfort. There comes a time when seeking truth raises insecurity and discomfort. To continue on, one must prioritize truth over security and comfort. Part of my resistance to seeking truth was that my mind created all sorts of scary scenarios of what the outcome might be like. I wanted some assurance that if I went through the process, it would be ok in the end. Yet nobody could give me that assurance. I had to venture through it alone. I had support from others, yet the direct experience was through my mind and body. There are aspects of letting go of control and surrendering to what is that were very uncomfortable at times. Yet, there is also deeper modes of being regarding peace, human connection, love and the magnificence of reality that I could not have imagined. You say that you may rather continue living in ignorance, since ignorance is bliss. Yet, you also say that you are fearful about death and the future of your life. That doesn't sound very blissful to me.

I have noticed that the reason I want to know the truth, the existential nature of reality, is because I am fearful about what happens after death or in the future of my life. I want something to tell me that everything is alright and that there is nothing to fear, (you can't live life if you are afraid of death). The reason I want to know truth is coming more from fear then from curiosity. I am thinking that IF the answer is "bad" meaning that we come to a worse place after death, I don't want to know it, I would rather continue living in ignorance (ignorance is bliss) then know the truth if the truth is scary. Leo often says that we should pursue truth for truths sake, but why would we want to know if the truth is negative (or terrifying, horrible, horrific etc.)? From everything I've heard, the truth seems to be positive but the point is that I don't know that yet since I am not enlightened and the main reason I am pursuing truth is because of fear.

Title explains it all. Have at it folks If I must elaborate though, here are some of my thoughts: I am basically wondering if it is best to become happy with no stimulation, rather than needing stimulation.........maybe once you are ok without stimulation like for the rest of your life, you can slowly(mb very slowly) bring in stimulation....know what I mean? Of course, this wondering stems from stimulation in relation to happiness. We watch movies, we play video games, drink, smoke, go for walks, hang out with friends, go rock climbing or skiing or ATVing or tubing or sailing or...ya you get the point. Basically anything in life that we do for fun or to create happiness. Even just relaxin lol..... A lot of the time though, obviously, we are not doing those things and we may get bored or something. Anybody ever get bored at work? Anybody ever wished their shift was over? If we just completely cut out all sources of stimulation/fun/happiness is it possible to acclimate to that lifestyle? If we could acclimate to that lifestyle, would it be a tolerable suffer or a positive bliss/relaxed state or would we still be riding some sort of roller coast? If it was a tolerable suffer, would it be enough of a trade off to commit to the lifestyle. Are any of the options a good trade off compared to the typical lifestyle? I hope people don't take this the wrong way haha !

YOUR TRUE NATURAL STATE = the body of water. totally at peace. in bliss and joy. Then a fish jumps out of the water. The fish jumps out of the water and lands on the riverbank. It flips and flops as it suffers... It longs to return back to the water. Another fish also jumps out, lands at the riverbank... flips and flops and then eventually goes back into the water. There are many fishes which have jumped out of the water, they flip and flop and make their way back to the water or die while trying and suffering at the riverbank. The fishes are your thoughts. All desires/projections/questions you ask are fishes jumping on the riverbank... and until that question is answered, or desire is had or a fear is overcome, the fish remains at the riverbank... suffering... you are not at peace. you have an itch. when you ask how do i get enlightened or how will i have an awakening - you are jumping out of the water and you suffer in the search for the answer... the answer is the water! jump back into the water and stay there. while in the water, realize that you are already where you need to be. that is enlightenment. that is awakening. that is the pathless path of ignorance. when the ego/mind is told to be still and remain calm and remain silent. it does not get it that the peace and silence is a simple ordinary experience. that is happiness. the end of the activity of the mind. asking questions about it... like how will that help me get awakened or enlightened is another fish jumping out of the water... you cannot be awakened/be at peace until all of your fish are back in the water. and remain there. now fishes still may will jump out of the water even after you get this. however, you will then know that you are water, which is at peace, in bliss, in happiness. you will simply watch the fish as you watch the clouds in the sky until the fish jumps back into the water you will not suffer from it's suffering because you are no longer identified or giving weight to the thought/question idea. rest in your INNER PEACE <3

Yet again I'm here with my mystical experiences on weed. Couple of days ago I vaped weed with my wife. Nothing special just talking and being in silence. After a while for a brief moment I just went into a trance state somehow and boom I became infinite/god. But this experience for me was totally different then my previous ones. Reality was such an obvious illusion. And then an insight occurred that by being infinite I created life as a game, and also I'm playing it myself with myself. Not only I'am playing it, but there are no rules to this game called life. It was such an amazing insight which led me (to a degree) to ego death and a non-dual state. My identity was gone, the illusion vanished like a fog. Then I'm just sitting in silence just being conscious and then after a short period I felt something soooo amazing I can't even put into words. It felt like heaven just fell down on me with this infinite goodness, peace, bliss, calmness! I didn't feel anything, but only that state! I was so gone of this body. If I could imagine what enlightenment is, I would explain it with what I felt! But that only lasted for like 4 seconds. Then my ego just resisted it and in a very weird way I was back to myself. And the first thing that I thought coming down from that state was: "Damn It's good to be back". The mind was scared of the experience that It was aware of. After that I still, to a degree, was in a non-dual state but it was fading little by little. The most interesting part was after about 20mins of that experience, I was aware that my mind is playing tricks. I felt the urge that I wanna just go play video-games right at that moment. I was so aware of that, that I caught my own mind in the self-deception (a total ah-ha moment). Which at that moment was a mistake of my own mind that made me consciously realize what a beast the mind is, what the ego does to make me deceive myself from the truth. I'am my only enemy in this path. Also when I was about to go to bed I saw some chocolate left in the kitchen as I was about to pick it up I (in a spiritual way) thought: "Is it ok for me eat this chocolate right now?" and I answered: "Only if I choose to" a sense of free will appeared for me which I never so strongly felt before. Insights: - I was never born, my identity is just an idea. My life is an idea. - Everything is a distraction from the truth. Family, friends, work, relationships, even my own wife is a distraction for me. But I really do mean EVERYTHING. - Most important thing in life: Life purpose + Enlightenment. It's weird that I somehow wonder up on these experiences while high on weed. Maybe it's the method that I smoke it has to do with something clicking in my mind. But when I vape it and feel the high coming up my mind just go nuts, thought after thought, insight after insight. In a way, now that I'm talking about it, I'm kinda thankful for weed. Couple of years ago I had some insights which changed the direction of my life quite massively. One of my friends who works in a bong shop said that vaporizing weed gives you more of a mental high than just stone you to death. That experience shook me in such a good way that the day after I woke up feeling so good, I never had so much motivation to do spiritual work, to do meditation, to contemplate and my yoga books are on the way that I'm so excited to start these practices. These are the most important things for me right now. I will do the work required to feel those 4seconds again. But next time - sober.

You can’t want what you already are. We are bliss shining into this world; the consciousness which holds the entire universe of form and Truth. Right here and right now we are all perfect, our thoughts and emotions and the world are not different from God. This is my way of seeing this. I would spend my last 2 days just the way I am, the entirety of all creation shining into infinite space. Like a star in the night sky, while also being the entire emptiness it is contained within. The light of a candle, and the darkness that holds it. We are always this. We created the veils ourselves, and can pull down the curtain in any moment we choose as the combination of pure awareness and the light of life in the heart. Namaste.

@lostmedstudent I concur with what outlandish wrote. I'd like to add a few points. A trip sitter adds another variable to the setting. If you go with a sitter, I would recommend one with psychedelic experience. During your trip, an experienced sitter can provide calm, grounding energy and guidance. They have direct experience with the psychedelic mindset and in a sense get on the same frequency. In contrast, I would not get an inexperienced sitter to prevent me from harming myself or others, or doing something stupid. Generally on low/moderate doses, the person can talk and settle themselves down. You haven't fully lost sense of reality and there is a sense of self control. A mind can still distinguish between "real" and "fantasy". On high doses, the self is dissolved after ego death and there is generally no fear or anxiety. There is no one left to be fearful for. Post-ego, the mind-body doesn't have much motivation to cause harm. . . Harm anxiety generally arises in the sub-ego death zone, when the ego is losing control of reality and struggles to maintain control. The ego may generate harm anxiety imagery as resistance. I've experience this many times, particularly as a novice, including exactly what you wrote: "I can't give up control!! I could run outside screaming!!! I could use knives on myself!!!". The ability to distinguish "real" from "not real" is lost. It is only during part of the trip and can be very uncomfortable. Yet, they have provided me with profound insights about my subconscious egoic structure. As well, I've found harm anxiety to be a protective mechanism. Early on, there was fear that some dark creature within me might arise if I surrendered control. Yet, I've found that creature was a protective fantasy of my ego. What lies beneath the ego is a deeper intelligence, love, connection and creativity that isn't interested in harming myself or anyone else. I would recommend doing 1.5g solo in a meditative familiar setting with various options. If things drift into a dark area, changing activity or simply going to another room can completely change the energy. At 1.5g, you would likely have the option of letting go and allowing the ego to more fully dissolve into groundlessness, or regaining control toward being more grounded. On the flip side of harm anxiety, there is blissful surrender. I've entered the sub ego death zone to see the most beautiful bliss beyond imagination and look back to see an egoic world tension, confusion and crap. The first time, my mind thought to the psychedelic "teacher" : "What a second. Are you telling me, if I surrender I give up all the suffering and crap of the egoic state and get to enter bliss beyond imagination? Heck yea!! Let's go!!!".

I don't think this is true. Brahman in (Advaita) Vedanta is defined as Sat-Chit-Ananda (Existence-Consciousness-Bliss). Absolute Brahman is pur subjectivity with no content or object. And it says you are that Brahman. Your error is to assume because it has a name therefore it must be "something". But that's not what Advaita Vedanta says. There is a clear distinction between subject and object.

@Arhattobe no self inquiry, but he didn't know he was doing it...then a random awakening happend, then sat on a park bench for 5 months in a state of bliss, lucky bastard ? In all seriousness it must of been a bit weird though. Especially not knowing what has happend to him. It wasn't until like 3-5 years later he found out what happend to him through reading about spirituality that he realized he was enlightened. Most people I've looked into have become enlightened through self inquiry of some kind.

Because to not see the incredible nature of reality in front of you, can only be resulted from these causes. Otherwise you would be awe struck, you would cry "Thank you god, thank thank thank you!" There would be deep bliss and pure oness. The only thing preventing you from seeing it is deep unconscious sleep within maya, which results in full attachment to thought, and therefore your attention is taken from direct experience. The problem is that you call your suffering ordinary. You think it's inherent to existence, but it's far from truth. Suffering is caused only by delusion, it's unnecessary.

Alright, let's start. I've contemplated and watched the new Eckhart Tolle video today, and saw how even he changed because how society changed, he actually used a German word and manipulated the crowd to become more conscious at one point, I saw or perceived how he was saying Mensch to have some sort of impression of a human being, not sure about the historical context of that. Next, I am a bit ashamed but not very much that I actually saw something which was of the value of me, after talking to TJ Reeves I looked into the test that he started and found something out. That I am a Rebel, which I never would have thought, I always thought I am more of a questioner since people always ask me, what do you mean? Why do you say that? Why do you question things so much? Anyway and resist expectations. Which is normal for me. Yet, I am unsure what I can learn from that. Anyway I hate this forum sometimes and I am not going to repeat what I wrote and found out that a rebel is capable of having structure and at the same time the best option is to change his identity and to have strategic clarity about his purpose, so keep reminding myself and writing down the reasons and programming them into my sub-consciousness is a great gateway for achieving higher realms of productivity and finally embodying my vision. With all of that in mind I wanted to re-strategize Strategic clarity: Why did I start and continue to follow my life purpose, since it includes the passions I've had as a child, yet never honed and, therefore, I can't fully enjoy them. Why do them then? Because these are the feelings I had as a child when I recall correctly William James said or Freud it is the oceanic feeling, a feeling (almost) of rupture and pure bliss. I can remember having so much fun learning languages and interacting with humans, at the same time programming and enjoying asking questions, and even doing the math and overall being smart is enjoyable. Why do I slack of then ? Sometimes it is normal it is a state of homeostasis of re-regulation of body/mind and especially old habits. So, having a new identity will help, so buying clothes is even important for me now, but it has to be authentic 100%!! Otherwise, it will only be another curse. -> Clarity and Strategic intent to remember when visualizing my lp before going to bed why do it and what it means to me identity wise, what I want to do and especially expect to destruct all expectations that I have of myself and that I have of others, An ultimate no mind. With the sensibility of running wild on train tracks to a never-ending destiny, reaching the speed of light, smacking trains into the universe. Now, what else is important? -> For this journal here keep in mind clarity of strategic intent and keep writing why you are doing it and why it felt so good to begin with keep reading even when it is just a re-glimpsing of some sort of information. Today I read in the book thick face black heart: Never hit a dog when you don't know who is the owner, it said that in China that a stray dog will be hit or shied away? By some sort of means. Because he is a bad omen, or maybe starts eating someone who is dead? It said further that you should never hit it when you do not know the owner, so never hurt someone? If you do not know who he belongs to, for example, he could be the rich frat boy whose family works for the hospital and earns a shit ton of money, or he mother of a father is a lawyer. Also, another example was how a small fish eats a big fish and a big fish a small one. Something along these lines and there was an example of a fox who associates himself with a tiger, since in his natural habitat he is quite fragile, even though he is sharp. He wants someone stronger in order to protect his fragility from other predators. The author then says these two are exchangeable and only a metaphor. My take on this is currently, every student or beginner is a fox somehow somewhere and if he or she is unable to find someone who shares his strength, wisdom and durability with him or he. She will be lost, since it is difficult for her to deal with her weaknesses. A personal example, I would want to work with someone who is better at designing and spatial thinking and creating, since I keep being analytical and like ideation. So, even when my ideas are great to implement them I would need a tiger of design/thinking/creating. What did I do today? -> 1h meditation -> approx. 1h 30 min studying -> 1h working out approx. -> reading sporadically ->Being confused by too many audiobooks ->Some stretching I had planned to do in the morning for 15min ->Ordered a whiteboard -> Communicated some other things What I intend to do (present and future self) -> Write down challenges on the white board and cross them off. (I have a calender where I do this with the visualization habit) -> Continue to write a strategic intent and have a clarity of purpose -> Accept your chaos focus on priorities -> Study today till 2 am. -> Focus on why a specific idea or the overall principle adds personal value to me. -> Search for a short compassion exercise.

That everything comes down to direct experience. the illusion in my mind is gone. it is just "me" here and now. nothing else. ………...beauty and pure bliss.

Like someone else said, congratulations and my condolences. This started for me just over a year ago. I had no prior knowledge of kundalini, but I feel like I've had a pretty smooth ride compared to a lot of people. Most days, I take some time to let the energy run through me. The first months, it would be really intense and last for hours, now it's a lot calmer and doesn't last as long. It got a lot easier when I realized at a) it calms down faster if I not only let it happen, but pay attention to the kriyas, and b) I can talk to the energy and ask it to back off or invite it to move. Since I was initially very freaked out and realized I was resisting, I also made a point of thanking my favorite deity each time I had kriyas or anything else that made me uncomfortable, which made it easier for me. I know some people feel better on a vegan diet, but I still eat meat. I don't really want to switch to less filling foods since kundalini has made me so hungry 24/7. I tried abstaining from alcohol for like 4 months, but didn't notice any difference. I'd advise against smoking or eating pot though, as an edible gave me one of the worst experiences of my life. Ofc, YMMV. In general - shit will come up. It will suck. It will pass. Sometimes you get random feelings of bliss, love etc. Try not to be attached to either. I know it's easy to feel very alone in this process, so if you need someone to talk to, shoot me a message!

Really loved this text Betinho Massaro wrote in one of his instagram posts **Loneliness As A Path To God** Do not underestimate the magnetic power of loneliness. There is a reason many people feel weirdly comfortable in it. It is a direct gateway into liberation. Let me clarify: Loneliness is the vision of God, filtered through a lack-belief coming from the idea of ourselves as a person, a body, inside of a world. The first stage is generally Loneliness - or the experience of being a person without God or holy company. Once we stop running away from our loneliness and instead decide to meet it directly with an open presence, we transmute loneliness into Aloneness—which is the person meeting God within. When we fall in love with Aloneness and begin to really appreciate the vast and endless stillness we find there, Aloneness turns into All Oneness—which is God without the heavy filter of thinking of ourselves as a body and a person inside of a world. It is sheer and formless freedom. All-pervading and unlimited bliss. In this way, when we start looking directly at loneliness instead of trying to fill it up with new content every day as a way not to have to feel it directly, we begin the transmutation process of turning Loneliness into All Oneness. In summary: The Pain Stage: Loneliness — the person sense without God. The Love Stage: Aloneness — the person sense meeting with God’s Presence within. The Liberation Stage: All Oneness — God without the person sense. . ——> From this moment onwards you will never be afraid of loneliness again. Instead you’ll meet it with excitement, knowing the alchemical process of turning perceived pain into love, and finally transmuting love into liberation, has now begun for you. Loneliness will never be the same again. Just like that.

Can anyone even explain to me how they navigate their day to day lives? Why do you go to work? Why do you visit your family or pretend you love them? As we know, emotions are not real! Do you engage in any activities you find pleasurable? Do you study? If you do, why? I study an MA, but I don't see the point now. I study international relations. I wanted to try and work myself into a position where I could influence conflicts in the world. Perhaps stop them, to end what I saw as injustice and suffering. But who actually says that killing is bad? Isn't it their choice to suffer? I saw Tolle speak about the Syrian crisis. He seemed a little concerned, but I think he knows that it is their choice to suffer. They can enjoy the bliss of now. I'm being deadly serious here, too.