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@Beeflamb You do not hear or read between the lines He is pointing towards the moon but you're looking at the finger. Actualized is the total opposite of a cult, because that is dogma The best way to explain "Leo's" work for us is Nothingness in words, in a modern way to make it understandable It is not so complicated to be honest, and still super complicated When I read many of these posts on this forum I don't know whether I wanna laugh or cry, so many are so far away from what is really being said.

@Leo Gura Is the "Soul" eternal like absolute/nothingness etc. ?

This is a story within The Story. This is a digital expression of what is happening. It is meant to paint a picture. It is meant for Ivan to find Love and Peace. It is also meant to be a container for all of Ivan's concerns, insecurities, contradictions, unease, sarcasm, delusion, victim-hood, narcissism, arrogance and ignorance. It is a place of unconditional love and acceptance. It is all-inclusive. So beware, kind reader. This might be exactly what you have no interest in reading, at all. THE STORY SAYS: Ivan woke up this day around 1 'o clock. He is not the guy who is way too concerned about when he wakes up. Or time in general. He knows he will wake up exactly when he's supposed to. He knows this, except for when he does not. Then he usually judges himself for being "immature" and "irresponsible". With his barely opened eyes, he found his way to the bathroom. Leak - Flush - Splash - Towel. No mirror talk. Not even a "cool guy wink" or a "motivational mirror-high-five". Nada. He was in a rush, sorta. Ivan then made a coffee for himself. Thoughts were floating throughout the apartment, occasionally flying through his head. He was trying so hard to ignore every one of them. He was trying to just casually walk his way towards "enlightenment", whistling along. Lately, Ivan is all about this thing called "enlightenment". He has been staying up late for quite a while now. Thinking about everything that's changing, contemplating, questioning, staring into the dark. He honestly feels like he's onto something. This time it really seems that way to him. He is not the guy who usually claims victory too soon. Except for when he does. This causes Ivan to question now more than ever. Now he knows, that he doesn't know at all. Now he's sure of it, kinda. 3 knocks on the door and 3 words: "Sweetie, wake up." Ivan is in love. Deeply. He is certain he has found his soulmate. Her name is Diana. She's gorgeous. Diana was sleeping in the other bedroom. The two have been sleeping apart for a few days now. Their sleeping cycles and their daily rhythms differentiate. There are no hard feelings; both accept what is. Except for when they don't. Ivan desires to express himself now: Ok. I get it. The joke is on me. It's not like I wasn't suspecting this would happen. But now that it's happening...Man. What the actual fu*k. I am doing all this hard work, grinding my way towards this freaking "enlightenment", why? So I'd be gone? What the fu*k man? And there's nothing I can do about it?! WHO DOES THAT? God is insane, indeed, he is. Too bad I can also somehow grasp now, intellectually, that I am that mutherf#$&er. How can that possibly be? I mean. C'mon. Just. C'mon. HOW COULD I NOT BE FREAKING OUT?! How can anyone be "meh" about this?! I am disappearing for God's sake! Literally! Also not to mention my circumstances are still under "construction", after everything has been destroyed and turned to dust, 3 years ago. I started this spiritual crap and poof. Everything collapsed. All I wanted to do is be a successful musician, damn it. Was I supposed to keep the job that was slowly killing me? Or any other job I'd hate? No difference, ay? I'd disappear one way or another. What the fudge man. No wonder I can't function properly. No wonder we're broke. There barely is any me left. And the outside...Well, the outside is empty. And that's scary. I know I can rise up to anything extremely fast. Music was my teacher. I can last forever doing what needs to be done to get those results. If I really want to, I can. My focus is intense as fu*k! And I gave my everything to have the skills I have today! I had nothing else, damn it! No family! Barely any friends! And now I have to give up even myself?! Even music?! COME THE FU*K ON. THE STORY SAYS: With those emotions and thoughts rising up, Ivan was certainly not able to "achieve enlightenment" this day. He felt so close, yet so far away. He now knows the way. Except for when he does not. He made a major "breakthrough", one could say. He was able to see through himself. He was able to become "nothing and everything simultaneously" - as he likes describing it himself. He knows it is very counter-intuitive to talk about nothing and everything to someone. He did not want to trap himself. He wanted to avoid all traps. Ivan thought he was cleaver and fast enough. He felt like a ninja who cannot be touched. What a guy. Soon Ivan found himself trapped, once again. One thought to another, right back in the labyrinth. Ivan was delusional again. Here and Now no more. He had the urge to talk to his love, Diana about his new discoveries and accomplishments. He wanted someone to tell him how awesome he is for achieving what he did in such a short period of time. Ivan was in a desperate need of acknowledgment and valuation. He was never acknowledged or valued by his parents. Poor guy. Diana was feeling weak. Nothing serious, thank God. But her ear is most likely to be inflamed. She is going through a big transformation as well. Her body is showing obvious signs. She is in need of special care, attention, love and nurturing. Ivan knows this, but he's too busy with catching "enlightenment". It is not unusual for the couple to have a spiritually oriented conversation. In fact, they talk about those things all the time. It is also not unusual for them to have nasty intellectual and emotional fights. Ivan decided to push the boundaries. One argument after another, the two ended up in a non-dual war and conceptual chaos. Ivan desires to express himself now: I fu*kin' knew it. The moment I try to put this non-dual bullsh*t into words and concepts, I get f-ed in the A. Hard. I don't know how to articulate this sh*t properly yet nor is that possible at all. I don't know how to interact "from the other side". And I also most definitely do know. Loving and not trying to expose something that does not exist. F*ck. I got myself trapped again. I was trapped in a loop, pointing my finger to my forehead, trying to explain what cannot be explained to the person I love more than anyone can imagine. Forgetting to love here, forgetting to breath now. Diana means the world to me. She and her mother are the only ones who give any f*ck about me. In fact, they care about me like no one ever did before. I am infinitely grateful for that. But I am also an idiot. So I have my idiotic ways. I wanted to act like I cannot be distracted anymore. Like I finally GOT IT. I wanted to let her know what I saw. I wanted to let her know that I was face to face with absolutely nothing and freakin' everything. I wanted to let her know that I was afraid of what might happen if I make the choice to disappear into infinite nothingness. If the concept "Ivan" gets destroyed completely. I got deluded big time. I forgot instantly what everything IS about. She is so good at triggering me. As I am at triggering her. Once we start, it's like watching a domino effect. Flawless chain-reaction. It's intense. I was desperately trying to expose her the paradox, the Truth and the Lie. I wanted to let her know that I've been feeling like a freakin' reality hacker for the past few days. Ever since I joined the Actualized.org forum, it seemed to me like I'm Neo, doing some hard core background coding, re-programming, or whatever the heck. I was getting exactly the right information from exactly the right people on this forum. It's scary how accurate and precise it was. I can't point to this coding, but I can feel it happening. It's in my mind. Everything is being rewired rapidly, if I focus on it. Diana did not "decode" my words correctly and I did not her's. There was a huge misunderstanding. All I wanted to do was to share with her my speculations. I was wondering how life would be, if "I" was to identify with everything. Everything except for Ivan. Including Diana. Insanity is very tricky. And it never felt closer. Somehow, we found our way out of argue. Her mother sent us some money, again. I needed to catch a bus and go to the other side of the town, as I always do when we have money to pick up. I knew Diana's suggestions were completely valid and would be helpful if I was to listen carefully. And I knew I brought the "fight" on myself. So I was already trying to breath deeper and simply love what is. I intended to "make it up" to her once I return. THE STORY SAYS: It should be mentioned that Diana and Ivan have been living in Sri Lanka for a while now. They moved here to seek freedom, abundance, expansion, deeper connection, understanding and more love. Also just fun in general, travel experiences, tasting-touching-smelling-hearing new things, embracing the spontaneous. They wanted to be entrepreneurs. They invested a nice amount of money into a global company, that promised them great business opportunities in Sri Lanka. Diana and Ivan were hooked. After some time, the business collapsed before their eyes, stripping them of all hope. Again. Not for too long though. Ivan got himself involved in this thing called "forex trading". A friend of his, who lives in Slovenia is a successful money-magnet, one could say. He promised Ivan to be his mentor. To guide him into financial freedom. Ivan loves the idea of being financially free. He is certain it is his birth-right. Just as it is everyone else's. As Ivan was walking towards the bus-station, he was regretting his stupidity and delusional thoughts. He knew he should stop or else he would go too far into the Maze. He focused on his breath. On all the birds singing. On the Sun and the pleasant wind. The sound of the waves. The passing locals. He was smiling to every one of them. Slowly merging with the present moment. Ivan desires to express himself now: Diana and me, we went through 2 years of a mixture of heaven and hell. Feels like it was 20. At least. It was messy, psychotic, draining and crushing. Nevertheless, it was also blissful, fun, thrilling, unusual, expensive and full of love. Love unlike any felt before. IT'S THE REAL DEAL. That's why we both rolled up our spiritual sleeves, right from the get go and started grinding toward the perfect versions of ourselves. For each-other - as a gift, for ourselves - as a must. We somehow ended up in Sri Lanka. Dfaq?! I remember having the idea. I also remember trying my best to realize it. But I have no freaking idea why I had the idea to come here. It just seemed obviously right then. Now, it's a bit different story. Sri Lanka ended up suckin' balls in a lot of ways. The monks are not what I expected (of course) , the whole Buddhism thing seems off and brainwashy, no trace of enlightenment or real spirituality. There is dirt, trash (a lot of it), smell, ignorance and GREED everywhere. Before we came here, in my head it seemed like we'll be OK with these things. It's not like we had no clue about anything what's here. But I do fancy taking huge blind leaps of faith and I don't like over-planing stuff. Where's the fun in that? So it is what it is now. Took a while, but we got used to everything and even came to love it. I can easily walk though the hustle and bustle of the city, without doing any spiritual Kung Fu. I can honestly love everything and everybody. No thoughts about it. Nevertheless, I do want to take us somewhere else soon. This place is not resonating with us, that is a fact. I have been noticing signs pointing in the direction of Malaysia and I honestly feel like trading is the missing link. I'm excited about it. And I came to love analyzing and speculating. It sits right with me. It must be it! I'll do everything to make it so! It is our ticket! We cannot be struggling anymore. There is no point in it anymore. As I entered the bus, I got super contracted again. A bit claustrophobic and panicky. People like to stare here, which does not bother me usually. What bothers me is when I tune into the collective thoughts and emotions. The buses here are as crowded as one can imagine. There is no space for air. And my stomach was so contracted, I could not breath through it, not a chance. I skipped breakfast and lunch again. Only coffee and cigarettes. So irresponsible. As I exited, I noticed an even more chaotic atmosphere than usual. More traffic, more crowd. There seemed to be some sort of a protest going on. There was a stage in the middle of the main road and a guy yelling on the top of his lungs something into a mic. The speakers were close to catching fire. I merged with the crowd and made my way to the ATM. THE STORY SAYS: On his way back from the ATM, Ivan was present, Ivan was absent. He approached two random Sri Lankans. He asked them what is happening. "A protest against democracy" -the two replied. Ivan smiled and continued his way towards the station. He then remembered he wanted to "make it up" to his love, Diana. Sri Lankan old ladies are selling beautiful flowers in front of the Buddhist temple every day. Ivan approached a lady and prepared 100 rupees. Without a word being said, the lady handed him exactly the flowers he laid his eyes on just seconds before. He also bought spicy peanuts - Diana's favorite. Ivan decided to walk back, as the traffic was very thick, due to the protest. The buses were barely moving. A tuk tuk driver picked him up after a few hundred meters of walking. One last stop at the super-market; buying all the necessities. He then walked back home to give Diana the attention she deserves. Ivan desires to express himself now: I know when I'm a dick-head. I know I do stupid things. I know when to apologize. It is necessary. I wasn't surprised to find Diana already alright when I arrived. She knows how to take care of herself without her idiot boyfriend. She knows how to love herself. But she also fears being disrespected by me. I've done it before. We both showed disrespect to each-other. But we both can see through those things. We cool ya'all. I gave her the flowers, the peanuts and her favorite dark chocolate. I was forgiven. Love and unity were present again. Rolled a joint; we love to smoke and chill, read and talk. I felt I needed to eat or else I'd collapse any time. But I still had the urge to express my non-dual discoveries and create some sort of an understanding for myself. I also felt like I was in desperate need of attention on that topic in particular. You could say I felt like a dirty attention slut, yes. I ate 3 eggs, some bread and 4 sausages. Can't afford no fancy food at the moment. After the meal; back to the forum - my new favorite hanging place. And also classroom; not to offend anyone. I came across this section. "Digital journal, ay?" - I thought. This might be exactly what I needed. I never bothered writing an actual journal before. When I did, I was a kid and I'd stop after a few days. Music took way too much of my focus. I had no time for that non-sense, pls. BUT THIS. This somehow feels right. I love expressing myself through words instead of melodies and rhythms. It's new. It's different. It is now.

Nothingness doesn't have to worry about these questions, does it?

@winterknight Well how to put this then. If there is doubt, then that's the mind's problem. It's just bodies talking to each other isn't it? Has this all been a movie? How does nothingness talk?

Life as spiritual is to understand the origin and to go back to it some call it awardness other call it consiousness or nothingness. but this Physical world of our is made up by our attachments and our clinging to life as we are tought it to be so it is not the true life

I discovered this cool way to do neti neti... forgive me if something like this was already posted! So you stand in the sun, arms wide to your sides or hanging comfortably, standing as balanced and comfortably as you can. Now the idea is to feel into the space that sorrounds you and goes through you. The idea is that every single perception occurs within this space. Your visual field, the things you hear, the feelings in your body, even your thoughts occur in some space usually in what seems to be the space in your head. Now try to feel into this space and as such into all these perceptions at once trying to keep a relatively calm mind. Now with conviction think to yourself "not me" since you know that you cant be anything you observe... Now genuinly ask "what am i? And boom, theres a good chance you´ll pop into your nothingness, asboluteness.

Can you be in a state of "ego loss" and experience fear at the same time? I've been reading about and trying self-inquiry, and the more I learn about it, the more it reminds me of an experience I had 10 or so years ago in the 10th grade. Back then, I was slowly giving up my Christian beliefs one at the time, and I had recently come to the conclusion that heaven and hell couldn't exist. I remember lying on my bed, and becoming very concerned with the questions, "Do I just stop existing one day? What actually am I? What does it mean that I exist in the first place?" I had no knowledge of self-inquiry at the time, but I remember being unable to pinpoint what I was, and I had an overwhelming "nothingness experience." It was like, for a moment, I lost myself. I can't remember if I was terrified during the moments of nothingness or if the terror came afterwards, but if they weren't simultaneous, they were very close together. In the week that followed, just lying in my bed and thinking, "What is the "I" that will die with my body?" triggered these terrifying "no-self" experiences. I had several before I started to block the thoughts that triggered them, and haven't had one of these experiences since. What was that? It's hard to believe that I could have accidentally had any sort of enlightenment experience as a barely spiritual 10th grader. Experiencing nothingness is different than experiencing enlightenment, right? If you're truly in a state of ego loss, do you have emotions like fear?

It should be clarified, enlightenment doesn't end suffering. Buddha said enlightenment ended suffering, but what he should've said is resting in the Absolute ends suffering. Which is to say resting in the Absolute Void, which you can achieve through meditation/Samadhi, will end suffering, but only while you're there. In the Void is nothingness, all sense of self is gone. But if you sat in this state indefinitely, you would die if you weren't hooked up to medical equipment. You come back from that eventually and suffering will be waiting for you when you get back. When Buddha came back from the Void he came back to suffering, he said enlightenment ended suffering to encourage people down the Path, which would certainly reduce their suffering and improve their quality of life. He was deceitful, but for the Higher Good of humanity.

This is a story within The Story. This is a digital expression of what is happening. It is meant to paint a picture. It is meant for Ivan to find Love and Peace. It is also meant to be a container for all of Ivan's concerns, insecurities, contradictions, unease, sarcasm, delusion, victim-hood, narcissism, arrogance and ignorance. It is a place of unconditional love and acceptance. It is all-inclusive. So beware, kind reader. This might be exactly what you have no interest in reading, at all. THE STORY SAYS: The rest was much needed. Shifts are now occurring a lot faster. They are a lot more noticeable. Last minute purging signifies the closing door of Ivan's former life, and his beliefs about it. Steps are now being made a lot quicker and easier. Accelerated living is becoming a standard. Synchronicity is becoming a navigation system; a tool. This is everything Ivan ever desired. This Is The One's Choice. It is now finally becoming fully experiential. The capacity has been present all along, waiting to be recognized. Now it is revealed clearly and is undeniable. Ivan is transforming entirely; breathing in more of himself, exhaling misaligned beliefs. The momentum has been steadily building up. A new world is being born. A world of infinite possibilities and absolute freedom. A place of Love, excitement, playfulness and eagerness. A place to truly call "Home". Ivan desires to express himself now: I reached a point where "the speed" was starting to become somewhat...uncomfortable. I came to a quick conclusion, that if I want to reach the Sun without getting burnt badly, I better do it cautiously, gently. These days my vibration would often get so high I'd start shaking like mad. It's like I swallowed a pill of ecstasy, quite literally. I feel ecstatic and hyped about everything that's already here. Precisely because now I know, it is already here. It is not just "believing", anymore. It is not "hoping", anymore. It is not about theorizing and philosophizing. It is not intellectual "out-side-the-box" thinking. It is pure, unshakable knowing. It is certainty. It is firmness. It is directly experiential. It is silent. The gifts and blessings are heading our way, undoubtedly. But, they are also being carried on the back of a bison. A massive collision is about to happen and I want to be as ready and empty as possible. I want to be hit by the bison and feel nothing but love and union. I've been expecting it for long; I should not act so surprised, now that I see it on the horizon. I am grounding myself. Discovering new depths of steadiness. Developing my already existing, as well as new gifts and talents. Deepening my understanding. Rising up to the unconditioned nature of The One. Radiating more love, inviting in more fear. Allowing the process of transformation. Allowing Unity; becoming it. Saying my last goodbyes to past versions of Ivan. The breath is deepening. THE STORY SAYS: Although no pages have been written, in these two days of rest Ivan did quite a few things. He finally made the choice of buying new strings for his instrument. He visited a Buddhist temple and spent some time meditating with a group. He had the online meeting with Sašo and David. He dived deep into singing exercises. The Voice wants to speak; wants to sing. Ivan desires to take good care of his vocal chords. He desires every note to be placed precisely and effortlessly - without a single thought. He desires to be a super-conductor. A resonator. Ivan also started trading like "the big guys", so to speak. In only two days, there were more results than in the past three months combined. Both Ivan and Diana are now certain they opened the door of financial freedom. The stars are lining up. Ivan desires to express himself now: Buying the strings was so...fulfilling. The simplest things like this are now satisfying beyond any description. The amount of gratefulness being embodied is unspeakable. I used to overlook so many things. Now I appreciate my every step. I can now see the perfection in my every move. It has been perfect all along. I just couldn't recognize it. I enjoyed re-stringing and polishing my guitar. I love the smell of new strings. The full, rich sound. The majestic, flawless resonance. I played for hours. I sang for hours. I was trying so goddamn hard to find The Voice. It is here for me to access now. But practice and consistency are required. Balance is needed. The Voice has been asleep for a long time. It is now slowly waking up. We don't want to be rude. We want to be gentle. As I bought the strings, I was passing by the big Buddhist temple in Panadura. We have been living in this town previously, for a month or so. It's a few miles north, closer to Colombo. Pleasant place. I noticed a pull inviting me to check this temple out. I had no idea why, but it seemed important. Enlightenment, silent as it is, went unnoticed. But then again, there is no-one to ask about it. I approached the long stairs, I was barefoot. There was sand; the fingers enjoyed it. Locals were smiling. Some were leaving, some arriving. Each step was taken precisely, consciously. Every counted stair was a world of it's own. The wind was pleasant. A monk was sweeping. Another one was placing food and beverage in front of Buddha's statue. He is lying sideways. He rests eternally. I merged with the silence and peace inside the temple. Old stories painted on each wall. Each giving a hint. Each pointing to one. Some were disturbing. Some were hilarious. Some were sad. All led to one. The messages were clear. The cycles were obvious. These walls are speaking loud. As I existed, I approached the edge. I was high, looking over the city. The buzz was loud, but not distracting. There was a special space for it. A space which could not be filled with anything else. Everything was in perfect place. Flawless. I circled some more, before turning right and heading down. The place is grand. I saw a group of old Sri Lankan women sitting around a huge tree. There were numerous altars, statues, candles, flowers, aromas. A monk was chanting. The women were praying. Many were surprised of I's presence. I noticed eyes watching. I noticed thoughts arising. I noticed confusion. Nothing noticed the I. Nothingness came to be. I sat cross-legged, close to the mighty tree. The air was thick. A lot to invite it. A lot to accept and transform. A lot to love. I was shaking off. Letting resistance exit. Letting all overflow now. Focus put aside. No need to see the eye that looks. No need to scratch the itch that fades. The collective received a boost. Cleared, purified, transformed. Hands were forming intricate signs. Precise and symmetrical. Yes, they were my hands, but there was no Ivan to call them his own. It remained that way. The breath was loud and long; emerging from the ground, existing on top. The rhythm was calm. A bow to the tree symbolized the end of I's meditation. As I was leaving the temple, I was admiring his kingdom. Every inch of it is pure perfection. I is the Father, I is the Son. THE STORY SAYS: Ivan also made the choice to "reconnect" with his long missed brother, Stefan. The two have a special story of their own. It is a strong bond. It is a soul connection. However, Ivan felt like there was something out of place.For some time now, he has been sensing fear while thinking of Stefan. Not knowing was the fear mutual, Ivan wrote to Stefan and expressed his "concerns". Stefan lives in Subotica, Serbia - Ivan's home town. The two haven't seen each-other for more than two years. Stefan was willing to solve "the mystery" and shed some light on the topic. Ivan expressed his hurt from the past, which was preventing him from being completely authentic with Stefan. The two ended up having a nice, effortless communication. Ivan was glad to come to knowing he still has a brother. It is bromance, one could say. Ivan desires deep and honest connections. He knows those are true gems; rare to find. They are priceless. Ivan desires to express himself now: Me and Stefan; we go way back. We somehow clicked once and that was it. It happened just before I moved to Slovenia. I wasn't visiting often. But when I did, we were together pretty much non-stop. We enjoyed talking for hours. We also listened to tons of music, often without a word being said. A look was enough. A smile was telling much more. We share special, strong memories. Not too many of them, but that's the part of the flavor. I really wanted to share with him everything that has been going down lately. We were always so good at motivating the crap out of each-other and expressing pure, genuine admiration. I am indeed glad we're back in touch. I can only imagine the day we meet again. The giggle will be cosmic. On the business side; the call with Sašo and David went great. It was smooth. We were relaxed and synced. Every one of us showed a great amount of respect; it was mutual. I really enjoyed the talk. It was also quite long. David and Sašo offered me a chance to join their trading team; IML. I had the feeling it might be what the call was about. But I wasn't jumping into any conclusions. I see the benefits of being a part of a team, especially as a newbie. But I am kind of a lone wolf. I have my own ways. I don't like filling my mind with what the crowd is suggesting. I feel whole by myself. I kindly let them know this. There was acceptance and applauding. We all agreed every trader has it's own system; it's own methods. Everyone has their own path towards abundance. The communication was effortless. After David left the meeting, Sašo and me talked a bit longer; speculating trades, discussing the psychology behind trading, having a nice trade-talk. It was very pleasant. Turns out; sticking to my inner knowing and confirming once again that I have no doubt in myself was welcome. I was proud. I gained yet another boost. "Wow man, you really stand your own ground now, ay?" - I thought. I was ready for the test. How did it turn out? Whelp. I grew my account for 70% in less than 24 hours. Effortlessly. Instant confirmation and universal thumbs up. Diana was so happy. She's my biggest cheer-leader. I kinda doubt though she can truly comprehend what I am about to do. Even I tend to pinch myself, to make sure this is "real". I now emphasize balance, steadiness, patience, consistency, mindfulness. I will continue with this tempo. The rhythm is just fine. I got all the time in the world. My goal is to keep doubling my account every day for the next two weeks. My entries are precise and neat. Nothing is happening by chance or "luck". I know exactly what I'm doing. I know exactly what I want and how to achieve it. I simply know now. The book came in out of nowhere. I have no idea where it's heading. The book already knows, and that's all that matters. I am so honored to share the knowledge along my journey. I am so grateful I opened myself up to this calling. It is grand. It is humbling. It is powerful. It is now.

I don't know about regular DMT. I only tried a tiny bit (1 gram) of mushroom, and that's all my experience with other psychedelics. As far as 5-MeO goes. I really don't know what this substance is or how it works fundamentally. It does miracles that's for sure, but what it is existentially I can't answer. My best "scientific" speculation would be that it is a neurotransmitter that is activated during peak experiences, such as childbirth or death, to help the body/mind cope with the process. It disables the part of your brain that is responsible for your sense of self. You experience Ego death, which is real death because the Ego is who you are. When the Ego is dead, you melt into nothingness, which cannot be described or spoken about.

@Shin I am actually experiencing this zero control but it leaves me with questions shin. If we ultimately have no control, what's the point? I feel (today) as if I have stripped away another huge layer of the self. I think 'I'm' making my way slowly towards nothingness. I genuinely thought killing the self wasn't going to induce this much fear but oh my god was I wrong. Completely and utterly underestimated this... COMPLETELY.

just want to clarify and understand... when it is said there is no "I", I get there is no questioning entity with it's own awareness/sentience inside of my body or anywhere else in the manifest universe. but whatever is there, is beyond I... it is the only thing which exists and it does have sentience/intelligence . it's the reality as a whole, with awareness and alive presence everywhere, without bound / exception. correct? the "your" in the above line... that is what I am... but that is not this body/mind/thought or the thing asking this question. sure, nothingness is its/mine nature but it is still okay to know/feel that there remains "something" which is nothing but is still "something" but in an unconventional way

I have a very complicated mind, one that loves to analyze the intricacies and nuances but that is just ego looking to justify itself through it's machinations. This doesn't change that awakening is simple, being present in the moment is simple, not attaching to the self identity is simple. The simplicity of this is not enough to satisfy the ego's craving for relevance and to justify it because it in fact empties the ego of it's importance. So it invents a myriad of complexities to keep us from being present and from severing attachment to it's content. The complexity is involved with the techniques and methods of the 'path', all of the things that people will do to occupy the mind with tasks they associate with their 'spirituality' and 'consciousness work'. So they spend countless hours discussing these things with others, in writing and reading about them, so that they can indulge the ego's desire to traffic in self styled 'wisdom'. People become infatuated with the complexities of their path and it distracts from the simple nature of just being present. Just because it's simple doesn't mean it's easy, it undoubtedly can be very difficult to be present and stay present in a hyperactive and challenging world. This nonsense, pardon me but it is nonsense, about explaining the unexplainable is simply the ego projecting onto a blank screen what it believes is there. 'Nothingness' and 'emptiness' has no form, no characteristics or any definitions so to be talking about 'it's this' and 'no, it's that' is just the ego attempting to polish that blank screen into a mirror so it can gaze at it's own reflection. Liberating one from suffering is not mutually exclusive from finding a purpose in life. Although liberation is a very fine purpose in life itself and without it every other purpose leaves craving more and continues to cause suffering. So even though we may have a complex array of variables that relate to our particular life circumstances in getting what we need to survive it would be a mistake to conflate these two into one in the same. Chopping wood and carrying water is the same act that gets the same result but the fulfillment and peace in liberation is incalculable. It has been said that these techniques and methods are merely scaffolding to build our 'temple' of our path and isn't actually what we are working on. The problem with this metaphor is that it implies we still have a need for the scaffolding for as long as we continue on the temple path. I say we aren't building the temple but dismantling it, we ae tearing down the scaffolding as we tear down the temple so that neither of them remain. We aren't writing the book of our spiritual path, we are erasing it and burning the pages. The ego cannot see the wisdom in that.

I'm having a huge surgery in the future. Double jaw surgery. I'm gonna be under general anesthesia, and I'm interested if some of you have been through this as awakened beings. First of all I would like to know if it went smoothly, without problems. I interested this because I've been worried about anesthesia awareness, and if there is a higher risk if you are on a higher consciousness than most people? Also I'm interested in knowing what effect the anesthesia has had on your consciousness. It's a little unsettling that anesthesiologists doesn't really know how it works. This is because it works on the level of the understanding of consciousness. But doesn't this imply that your level of consciousness has a say in how much and how well it will work? And how is it that a drug is able to send you into total nothingness for hours and then turn you back after? I actually think this is a very interesting topic.

Liberation is to cease self suffering, that's what liberation is, everything else is blah blah to preoccupy the egomind. If cessation can be accomplished simply why get complicated? Depth doesn't equate to complicated, that's ego distracting from the simple and tricking someone into believing they need complicated. Liberation is a deep peace, If it is the notion that emptiness and nothingness are attributes and characteristics of the awakened and 'enlightened' life then why fill the mind with all these spiritual systems of labeling and identity? That's like becoming a hoarder to be a minimalist. How much self suffering is created by people trying to understand and meet the demands of these complicated systems? There's plenty of people offering the complicated on this forum, elsewhere online and in spiritual communities everywhere. I offer a simple path because that is what liberates my experience of self suffering but I see so many still suffering and struggling with the complicated. Wisdom is often knowing what is useless more than it is just what's useful.

I did a 30 year juice fast like a year ago and about two weeks into it I was feeling weak and would notice intense rush of blood to the brain when getting up from the bed too fast that would make me really dizzy to the point of almost passing out. One morning I got up way too fast, was walking into the kitchen....I started feeling the very intense blood rush and dizziness and then it was just blank....I woke up on the kitchen floor with a really eerie feeling of not knowing where I am and how I got there. It took about 10 seconds to realize what happened. There was literally no memory, no sensation and no consciousness of any kind during that blank, it was as if everything that "happened" in the moment of passing out was deleted. Another time when this blank happened was when I put under general anesthesia while having surgery at 12 years old. Again there was no memory or experience of any kind, there was just a mask being put on me, me taking a few deep breaths and then waking up with a tube down my throat coughing up blood, the time and "existence" in between never happened for me. General anesthesia is said to "induce a loss of consciousness." So....what are those "states of consciousness" of absolute blank? Is that what nothingness is? Why was there no transition phase or fear of any kind in a similar way to what happens leading up to ego death?

Detachment from the process and outcome is better than being obsessed and attached to them, including the outcome of nothingness.

As far as my own experience goes though nothing comes close to this. I love piano, but this must be my very favorite album ever. When I tripped once, I plugged in this album and I instantly felt perfect peace and stillness. Next thing I remember I regain consciousness on the LAST NOTE OF THE LAST SONG. I was gone for the whole album. Literally gone. My face was washed in tears of utter bliss in nothingness. Even remembering this brings up so many feelings.

Something I've always been confused about. When I have an operation, and am under anesthesia, there seems to be no self. There is no perception, no concept of passage of time, just nothingness. From the time I go under, to the time I wake up many hours later, there is just nothing. So shouldn't the Self still be experiencing and perceiving during that time? Could you please try and explain this.

@Leo Gura At around 1:30:54, it's counter-intuitive to put yourself in the enlightened masters' shoes and be radically open to why they are saying that. For example, some of them had their nothingness awakening (Riding the Ox Backwards) when they were children. You can't induce that with a substance at that age. Then, for them, there are 'minor' awakenings afterwards throughout life, which are just as important as the nothingness awakening. They don't want to miss out on those because those can set them in the right directions in life. If you keep inducing this and that, you may just be skipping steps and missing out on the meaningful lessons. As you said in your blog, life is a school. I agree. In the actual school, we can't miss out on the lessons which set the foundations. You also have to factor in karma as you go along. It makes the spiritual path very complex.

OP, I've been where you are, afraid of the possibility of experiencing a bad trip. Honestly, If you do not have a family history of schizophrenia, you are able and comfortable with soothing yourself emotionally, and you are not impulsive. In addition, if you are introspective and even introverted. I would bet that you would be okay. You gotta be confident when you take the leap and just have at it. Look at the bright side of things. I am afraid before all of my psychedelic trips lol. And pretty much every time, I say "I don't know what I was worried about. this is awesome." Except N-N DMT, that feels like I'm dissolving into nothingness. Can be a bit scary during the moment, but I still leave it feeling amazed. You're bound to reach some weird moments where things may take on an ugly appearance or a dark tone, almost like the difference between watching a horror film and a Disney movie. You become really sensitive to the energy around you and the energy you create. You just gotta stay conscious, use rationality as difficult as it may be, and be able to let go when it's necessary.

Yesterday I had an enlightenment experience where I became conscious of what I think was nothingness. I was watching Leo's video, What Is Consciousness, and he was talking about how consciousness can't have any attribute since if it did it wouldn't be able to take on the opposite of that attribute. For example if consciousness was red, or cold, or rough, or smooth, or etherial, or solid, it wouldn't be able to be the opposite of that attribute. If it was red it couldn't be green, if it was smooth it couldn't be rough. So consciousness needs to be able to take on any attribute and therefore it needs to be completely empty of any attributes or properties. Even free of time and space. I was watching the video and suddenly my consciousness shifted and I felt like I was Leo, I was looking of a picture of a guy and I was him too, I was everyone I ever knew and also everything around me (all objects), and then I realized what I was was nothingness. So by becoming nothing, I became everything simultaneously. I also felt like that nothingness was what was looking through my eyes. It really felt like awakening from a dream and the term "awakening" is a very accurate description. The nothingness was not an idea of nothingness, it was actual nothingness and for that reason it kind of feels like it was magical nothingness since it exists but it still is nothing. It feels like it is beyond existence or non-existence, beyond self and no-self, time and space, colors, or any other attribute. I am writing in past tense but I am still conscious off these things that I noticed but it is not present all the time and it can be more or less strong. So now I am wondering where this experience/insight stands in comparison to the 10 ox herding pictures and if anyone here on the forum has any reflections on that?

To put it to perspective, you are already nothingness, but you are not nothingness, you can not put finger on nothingness as it is everything and nothing, if you become everything , experience everything ,you will still not be nothingness , as it will be just experience,, it is hard to explain, because it has no logical explanation.

I have no clue what they meant when they made thous steps, is it understanding nothingness , or is it embodying nothingness , which would be still just state, experience , as you cant become nothingness .