Search the Community

@actualized1 Hi, Yes, normal is a little bit of a vague term. But health is something to work with. A healthy psyche depends on the degree with which you are aligned with "your"reality. Psychological pain and symptom means that there is some psychological work to do, like learning to emotionally regulate better to let go of past ego defences and learning new ways of coping. If you're purpose is business, and you are working toward that and making it happen then that's healthy. Each stage of development has a healthy expression and an unhealthy expression. It's when were against the world, and the world seems alien to us and there is a lot of resistance and reclusion then it can be said there is a problem. Mal

this is only another concept, but it might shed some insight into the nature of reincarnation. I think we as humans really underestimate our power. With the help of religion we are taught that we are simple beings under the control of a higher power which we have no chance of replicating. This entire existence is because of the contrast of nothing and something. The nothingness that makes up consciousness creates everything that we know. We are a creator. There was a study done in which people were told to think about a certain phenomenon (aliens, angels, god) before entering sleep paralysis. Of course the people that believed in UFOs and alien encounters were abducted and probed in a hyperrealistic experience. The people who strongly believed in God had a spiritual experience involving angels and heaven, or an image of Jesus. They all felt this was real, and that it really took place in real space. This is why there are so many different truths that are fought over, because something is real to everyone but not everyone can believe that everything is real. People become addicted to this world and their ego so much that if they leave too soon that attachment/manifestation has so much momentum that it doesn't end with the physical body. This is why suicide doesn't help people, the pain theyre experiencing doesn't end with the body. I think one of the benefits of enlightement allows you to break free of the physical and to experience it finally without attachment, which allows you to leave this existence when your body dies. In conclusion, we experience what we believe and create. These concepts might make sense and make me feel like I know these answers, but they are only that: concepts. I think reincarnation is just as real/not real as anything else you've created. All I know is it's fascinating to think about.

I do semi-physical work as a general contractor about 20-30 hours/week over 2-3 days, while the other 2-3 days I work at my computer marketing, building websites, doing business coaching via phone/skype, SEO, designing marketing/sales funnels, etc. I used to do that for my own business, but once it was up and going and ranking, I've now been doing it for others past few years. I find the mixture of the two different types of work and the fact that I'm very good at and enjoy the challenge of both. I also get to help people, my customers in both and they are my businesses as I'm a serial entrepreneur. In those ways my situation is a bit different than the others on this thread, but not "alien" by any means, probably becoming more and more typical these days. Oh yeah, my wife and I are also very involved, have started and sit on boards for non-profits, help put on events, offer free coaching and consulting (pro bono) for about another 20 hours/week, but our kids are 24 & 26 and out of the house, so believe me, it's not bad after all those years of adding family life, sports, kid's events, etc. to the weekly commitment list LOL Lastly, I just want to mention, that multiple times I've started new jobs in new areas where I was selling and had zero knowledge at day 1. In those cases, I went to my wife and made an agreement with her and my kids, that I was going to work about 12 hours a day 4 days of the week, one day I literally stayed up all night at the office (usually Tuesday it happens) and a half day on Saturday which worked out to about 80 hours/week. I would do this for 90 days so I could bust the curve on learning the new business, having enough time to sell 40 hours a week and learn the business 40 hours a week. Every time I did this, I can honestly say I was as knowledgeable as anyone at that branch other than the top guy by 90 days and in two cases (both when I was an employee not business start up), I was top 7 out of 700 in the nation for sales at the end of the first month. I see this same principle or strategy being used successfully in project start up, business start up and even in life/business coaching. In coaching I call it "power coaching" where instead of once a week for many months or years (like typically counseling), we burst for a month or two or maybe three with very specific goals and timeline to coach our client to get his/her business started, improve their marriage, develop a new software, create a new sales funnel and test it to success, etc. Life is generally more of a marathon, but it's very powerful to know how long and how fast one can sprint in life and business if it's needed. Like anything we get better at such things over time as we do them and improve along the way. Hope some of these ideas/concepts and feedback from my own experience is helpful. You appear to be much younger than me, perhaps without wife, kids, mortgage, etc. so if you're gonna write a software, start a side business, etc. I can only say it may get harder not easier as life's financial and time commitments take up more and more of your currently free bandwidth ;-) Gary

@cetus56 Very well spoken/ very articulate , you should think about writing a book about this. Yes, I experimented with mind altering substances when i was 18/19ish, but this is a long time ago... Had some very amazing and some very hellish experiences, where i actually thought "nice! now you did it, you broke yourself, will never return to normal life" which made me realy question the very fabric of reality and of myself and i can totaly see how some people actualy go "insane" from using some of those substances. I always say when "you" experience something realy strange and alien, it can be dealt with ..but when the very alien thing suddenly is "you" then the mind seems to get a serious problem which sounds funny years later but back then i know it wasnt and some of my friends actualy spend some time in recovery-hospitals, gladly noone was runined for life... I personaly am glad for those "experiences" today, but i didn´t feel like this was the right path for me so i refrained from further engagements in this field when i was 20 and from then on living pretty much sober. I feel like meditation is more of an emotionaly secure way of getting to your true self. Meditation is more work instead of just beeing thrown into something and i feel it is way more predictable compared to chaning your brains neuronal activity with certain substances. But i can definatly see why people are fascinated by that possibility. To be quite honest i became too scared of the negative effects of those "drugs" because lets be honest, everyone on youtube just tells you about "my amazing dmt-experience" , "cool salvia 100xextract first time experience" etc ...because the people who induce schizophrenia on them don´t upload videos And in fact it IS a very small ridge you are mooving on specially when you are emotionaly unstable! i would recommend to put your hand off of drugs and meditate and get rooted in life first before you start "loosing" yourself. @Infinite awesome inspiring people to do longer meditations was my main concern when posting this. I think inspiration is realy important, leo inspired me to do the 6hours, i wouldnt have done it if i hadnt watched some of his videos. it is realy worth it. life changing in fact!

@zasa joey Hey zasa, talking about negative, look at your avatar... ain't that just poison for the eyes and the brain? Why not taking a baby who gets eaten by dogs directly, or images of a slaughterhouse ? I've been into metal and I have friends they still do, I haven't nothing against it, but I doubt that will bring you self actualisation and happiness so this is a reason why I don't listen to Hip hop and Metal, or very seldom, and not too agressive type of music, they can effect your mood and mentality, your ability of positive thinking, I use to like any kind of trash music and art. Now I just watch it with care and respect. I've visited HR Giger (creator of Alien) museum http://art.vniz.net/en/giger/Giger-Erotomechanics_VII.html , I tell you, even though it's great, after 2-3 hours of this, I felt like I wanted to vomit. When you realize the effect that colors and lights have on your mood, than watching and liking pictures like this can for sure be poison for your brain. Your message touched me, can I ask you how old you are? In my opinion, friends who tell another friend to kill himself are not friends. So your friends are no more your friends, there not your enemy, everyone could be considered your friend or your enemy. They are what they are, no need to put any judgment on them. Friends are changing with time, you don't need friends to be happy! Friends are external factors, happiness is coming from the inside, not the outside. Why are you afraid of loneliness? Why do I love it? The difference between you and me is the view on things, the ability to change perspective. Loneliness is fucking excellent man! Learn the guitar or any instrument, you could spend the lower self time to self actualize yourself instead and learn things that you could not imagine yourself doing a few months ago, meditate! Don't be afraid of learning hard stuff, do them step by step. Today, you can learn anything with internet, they are no more excuses for not knowing something. You are in a victimhood dynamic, you can change that. There is enough information here to know what to do to get you out of that dynamic. The information alone will not help you, you have to work! If you can't tell you friends how you feel, I would take them one by one and see if you can have a serious conversation with the one or two that could listen best and have influence on the group dynamic, without having expectations. Actually it might even be better to have negative expectations, about the outcome of the discussions. If they don't want you around, they don't want you around, there is nothing wrong with you or them, it is just the way it is. For insults, see your responsibility in the emotions you feel, you are the one creating the negative emotions about their insults. That is the truth! These are just words... The lie is believing in the voice that you hear in you head, not the voice you hear in you ears. This is by the way also the reason you are insecure. You have to do the work, self help book reading and videos watching is not enough. There is some brainwashing to do to give you self confidence, this is mental and written work! Again, none of the advice one can give you will help just by understanding their words. Of course you don't want to be expose to insults all the time, like I would not want to be expose to your avatar all the time as they will, could, get you unconsciously with time even though you are doing it the right work. "You just can't make new friends"... WTF???? Learn how to make new friends! You can't now, if you tell yourself now that you can't. You can tomorrow if you tell yourself you can. It's like someone saying he can't stop smoking, or banging his head on the wall, no more no less. Oh man, I'm going to spend this day on my own, and this is total luxury for me!!!! OH YEAH! I hope it helps! Take care!

@Epiphany_Inspired, Hi! You asked for my thoughts, I will share them. No disrespect intended to @Henri, but I disagree with numerous aspects of his reasoning as a former domestic violence victim, a mother, a step parent, (who has navigated CPS and legal systems for numerous children for numerous matters) and a former law enforcement officer. Covert control, verbal abuse, all are still abuse and can and often do cause serious protracted emotional harm to the victim and to the children who may also be victims and are witnessing the covert control and verbal abuse. One of the first premises taught in dialectical behavioral therapy is that you cannot have effective interpersonal communication with someone who is incapable of effective interpersonal communication. What you have described as the behaviors manifested are huge red flags for someone who has issues that are not going to be resolved with rational logic and the same kindness than in a divorce where abuse; specifically covert abuse is not a factor. I highly encourage you to look at site related to covert control, covert narcissism, and become familiar with a different modality of thought very alien to yours or mine. I can't diagnose, you cannot diagnose, but a court sure can order a guardian to do a mental health assessment of both parents and both homes and come up with a great parenting plan which includes supervised visits, parenting classes, therapy, all sorts of creative resources so a child does not become the pawn of covert control once your ex no longer has direct access to you. There are even online programs that are very reasonably priced designed to assist you with interacting with your ex related to your child to ensure a clear trail of documentation for interactions and that interactions remain cordial and on point. I don't know how your last appointment went, and I would want more information to even begin to assist you with self inquiry. I agree with @Sarah_Flagg, its about finding the highest and best solution for you and for your child that will lead to the most stable and optimal mentally healthy environment for your child. There are pros and cons to different approaches; the first priority is being safe. Being safe is as much being safe from mental duress and emotional harm as it is physically safe; someone can impact your physical health with gas-lighting and or covert control. One of the best pieces of advise I consistently got in therapy was, take care of you first. Make you happy, if you are happy you will be happier mom and your kids will be happy. Ignore you...put everyone else first? You will burn out really quickly especially being chief cook and bottle washer. I've been there and done that and its exhausting. You are a human being with needs and if you deny those needs it will exacerbate your own mental health challenges. When I have been in situations such as yours, and I have been in more than one, I have had to take different courses of action based upon the totality of the circumstances and logical consequence responses to inappropriate conduct with firm boundaries; unfortunately this led to a no contact order as the other party chose to fail to respect boundaries and escalated with inappropriate illegal conduct. For me personally I try to take it by successive approximations sometimes I under-reacted, sometimes I over reacted, and I know the outcomes of either response can be damaging to the child(ren) involved as well as myself. There is no formula, no easy answers. I just finished a legal matter for someone where the child was essentially the pawn in a never ending war of the roses; the party I represented ironically once given the carrot of visitation upon completing reunification therapy lost interest in the child and blamed the child for the loss of interest. It was mystifying in once sense until I understood it was for him, never about the child but covertly controlling the mother and he was merely using me to do so by igniting my sense of injustice. In other words, he used a new situation to covertly control three people as he sat back and enjoyed the drama. Perhaps I am projecting my own negative experiences and fearing that you may be minimizing or that you are in a worse situation that you are? I don't know. Its why I'm asking. That said? My experience there is no happy ending where two divorced parents co parenting when one of them is into covert control and abusive. Per programs that work with abusers? Alcohol is not the issue, even if they work AA, they will still be abusive. They have to understand that they abuse due to whatever root cause and be willing to really work on that issue and the data on this is not optimistic for successful lasting change. I am proud of you for having the courage to get out. I am proud of you for being strong and protecting your child the best you can with the mental ability you have to work with. I understand what it is like to be there. I empathize greatly with your desire to not be a victim, as you know you are being victimized, the frustration of the mental consistency and not being able to maintain it; I can so empathize with all of it. I recommend trauma therapy for you and for your child with someone certified in PTSD, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is awesome, so is Gestalt. Its one thing to take responsibility for what we allowed, but if someone passed us the Kool aide and said "hey, its great, drink, and fooled us?" Its pretty reasonable per the therapists I've been seeing to be angry, to acknowledge one was victimized, and take steps to ensure you won't be a victim again to that individual. I think @Henri 's advice is amazing advice when people can be rational and reasonable because both of them want to be. It takes two for that tango. I wish you the best of luck what ever you decide to do, and hope that it works out positively for you and your child.

I always expect to come across some alien thing I've never heard of on these forums

Last week, I was just taking a walk outside and doing some self-inquiry. Suddenly, the feeling of me weakened considerably. My suffering and anxiety quickly dissipated, and the barrier between myself and the rest of reality has been blurred. I have my doubts since others who report this experience talk about completely merging with reality and knowing of this field of awareness. I, on the other hand, still have some identification with the ego, but at the same time feel like I am all of reality and feel the no-self. Also, the voice has quieted down more so than ever before, and my baseline level of happiness and peace of mind is greater than I can ever remember it. While there have been distinct moments where I have felt better, I can't recall this even-keeled, constant peace of mind, ever; it's like being a small child all over again, but maybe even better. Not only that, but people report quickly going back to the ego-self after their brief, amazing experience; I , rather, haven't reverted. Though I still have bad habits, anxieties, insecurities, etc. it is all much weaker, I can just let go of the automatic-negative-thoughts (ANTs) instead of ruminating, and that black-white boundary between me and everything else is distinctly weaker. The change seems subtle but significant, and it doesn't seem to subside at all--it always just is. Here's some of the differences in list form: - Suffering has gone down considerably. -Emotions are less distracting. - I can just let things go. - If the ego is hurting and I'm self-absorbed, I can shift focus to the higher self like zooming out of a picture, and see that I am everything. - I still have bad habits, but they don't feel nearly as rewarding to indulge, as guilt inducing afterwards, and their control is weakening. This seems not to be happening with just a specific behavior,but across the board. - My existential quandaries no longer trouble me. - Other people may still like other people, but they also feel like me, sort of. Also, when ever I hear/think of others' achievements, there is almost no jealously or self-shame-- they feel like my own. I also don't feel like any of that truly matters. -I don't feel a strong need for other people's validation, or even my own validation. - I don't feel like I need to search for something to be happy. - I find more authentic joy in my hobbies since my self-image is not related to them. - My work doesn't reflect who I am; it is simply a part of the infinite me. - Messing up doesn't make me feel bad about myself. I can just note that I want to modify a behavior and move on. - I don't feel better/worse/ or equal to others. I just am, and they just are. - I don't feel like there is good or evil, but I have no strong impulse to do things that are traditionally thought of as evil. I just feel more compassionate and loving not because it is meaningful or better-- it's just a reflection of my state of being. TL;DR: Everything is the same but better. PS: I just did a two hour Strong Determination Sitting today; I don't do those often and have only been doing them for about 30 minutes or so, so I didn't really work up to it at all. It was still difficult, but I didn't even feel resistance until after the first one hour. Only the last 30 minutes were hellish. Interestingly, I feel somewhat more identified with the ego- self after that intense sit, but I suspect that may just be temporary and a heighted awareness of the ego that was still "there". The intense physical sensations make awareness seem more localized in the body. Questions for you: What happened to me? Is this preliminary enlightenment? I didn't merge into reality completely, and this field of awareness/ emptiness is still alien to me, which makes me thing either that will happen in the later stages if this is awakening, or I am just experiencing something else entirely.

@Newpaz Very valid and interesting question (I don't really have an answer but just adding some thoughts). This may seem out there but there does seem to be a force, or it may even be our own egos, that supress these teachings that you mentioned. If you think about it most enlightened people that have talked about it publicly and have gained big followings have usually been killed. In fact even just having liberal views and power is enough to get you killed. So I wouldn't say it's far fetched to say that the past and present systems (the powers that be) don't really want us to know about this stuff. Which from their point of view makes sense as their aims are profit and power which would be at risk if everyone trusted themselves and just did what they want. It would make sense to just brainwash people so they become 'productive members of society'. Now when you think about it this has gone on for 100s of years, previously religion was used to control and still is to a lesser extent, now it's more money and society defined success. In both cases fear of lack plays a big part. So the point is we are all brought up in a way where 'enlightenment' or the path of true religion are very alien concepts and in fact get in the way of what we've been led to believe will bring us joy (money etc). So to say to someone after they've been brought up in this mindset that it's all meaningless, is to say everything you've been taught and even you yourself are a lie. It's very hard for the ego to take that on board. So ultimately I think enlightenment (I don't really like using the word) is the only way, it's just a matter of how long it takes for life's distractions to no longer have an effect or for your suffering to get really bad in which case you'll be forced to the spiritual side of things

@Socrates It basically sums up how I feel. The alien with tears streaming down represents how I've always felt different, and was basically always isolated from society. His hands in a prayer like position, and the golden circle in the background which could symbolize a halo, is representative of my devotion to seeking Truth, Being, God, or whatever you want to call it.

Don´t know what i should think about those supernatural/alien things ..not realy my coup of tea! But i find her quite attractive for some reason, and the fact that she is hot *just say it!!!* is always a bonus in the youtube-game. She´s probably a nice person.

No limitations whatsoever, this way there will no shortage of funding in scientific research and we will propel ions further, to cure all base problems in society, then work on the higher end possibilities, travel to new galaxies, search for alien life form, create new worlds, evolve into some other type of life forms. Find some way into the spiritual world, discover things basically.

What is worse, seeing your family get tortured, rapped and killed or that a meteorite destroys all life on earth tomorrow? What would you choose? In hope that it never happens to anyone, I probably wouldn't give a fuck that a meteorite kills all life on earth after watching my family get tortured... and vice versa. I believe that good things can emerge out of evil and vice versa. My parents would have never met without the second world war. We would never be born (as we are) without all the "stupid" things that humans thought and did in the past. We would probably never exist if a meteorite didn't strike the earth millions of years ago. Now was this meteorite a disaster? For the dinosaurs point of view sure! From an alien point of view it must have been an excellent scientific show to watch on their TV screens. I'm happy to be alive, what about you? Are humans a good thing for planet earth. Wanting to save poor people that are suffering, you might want to inject them a vaccines for protection that will give birth to disabled children, and some of them could die of cancer and would have never gotten sick in the first place, or you might save the next dictator that will kill millions... Not saying with this that you shouldn't help people that are suffering!!! I love this quote: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions!" It's the good old story of the Zen master, the farmer & the farmer's son that finds a horse and break his leg and can't go to war... For me good and bad are dependent to perspective and time. We are not capable of grasping the entire picture, the ripple effect of our daily actions. We only believe we do. So my answer to the question does good and evil exist, it depends on how you look at it. From the perspective of unawareness it does. From the perspective of awareness, truth, enlightened states, no it doesn't. Our brain just doesn't have the capacity to take all what should be taken into consideration to make the final judgement. It just assumes it does.

7501 I can´t always write in the morning hours... Just finished some mindfulness meditation that I have not done in ages. At some point I was describing my notebook display... Definitely the absolutely weirdest and most alien thing in here (when turned on)... How was the day so far? One problem gets solved and another arises... Does that ever end? What about future plans? Yes, many... But which one to choose? By the way... I am almost afraid to say it but I think I don´t wantt to have children and should I ever feel this urge, then not my own but of those that could need someone to care for them like I would for my own... Work ethics? Mm... Working on that. Today I conquered the fear and won. This morning actually I had so much resistance inside me for various reasons-my hands got sweaty and my skin got the chills, I was almost shaking... There are things about my past that still haunt me around but there is my ego as well using these as excuses and me not having read the manual for this complicated human machine yet... I would say I am satisfied with 7501 though... I think I am a lovable little chimp... And a god damn weirdo... (° °)

It could also be an alien. Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from "magic". If you brought a smartphone to the 700's people would think you had a magic slate. There was a Star Trek episode called "The Devi's Due" that touched on this. A being claiming to be the devil was scaring people that were technologically inferior. Turned out to be a con-artist using technology to mimic magic/miracles.

If I were not me, and not in this time, then this question would still be valid in another time for another me. Yes we are all one, and that one is you. The real you, which is not a human in the world among other humans but the world itself that includes everything. Whatever is in your experience right now is what the reality is.(NOT A THING MORE). Yes its bizarre, it has always been that way. In fact, everything is fuckingly strange. But there is nothing you can do about it, the more closer you look at things, the more alien they appear.

7497 Super late today but it is Sunday and Leo released a new video. I have seen a lot of arrogant super rational people in my life but I know that these post rationals Leo talks about exist as well and yes, the world needs those so badly. There are these channels on youtube like Martimer81 and Coolhardlogic who make fun of pseudoscientific claims of other channels but they are exactly that kind of people where you can see that they have something miserable about them. They do a great job uncovering irrationalism but they are too stuck in their rationalism. I like science and I get inspired by scientists but their photos are no longer on my walls... When I saw that I can´t go along with people who don´t appeal to logic but then also saw that I do not fit with people who need reasons and explanations for everything I got in this kind of identity crisis. That really messed me up. I did not know what to believe anymore. When I listened to Leo talking about awareness the first time, I felt like that I found something that might give me a solution to this problem. Now I see how the dots have to be connected. "Illusion to study illusion". I am having trouble to motivate myself to keep learning about scientific concepts when I think that way. "Go into the matrix to talk to you". That is why I set the question of how I do convince myself that if I keep going to uni and gather skills for applications and jobs is better than working on awareness. Except of the fact that I need to prepare myself for somehow sustaining my life costs, I had the allegory of the cave in mind... I can´t let the other prisoners in there... I need to go back and free them. How? I go back into the matrix. Communicate through it. That kind of splits me every day. I know I can let go of my hunger for "understanding" the world with my mind but then I will be alien to the most and unable to appeal to the ones who look at great minds like gods and use science as a dogma. Last semester I was asked what I am studying and I answered linguistics/language science and you? That guy said: I study physics. You know... REAL science. He had no clue what linguistics are and that is fine but he really thought he was something better, he really thought that he is doing something that makes sense and is of real value. For him, even though I could reason and think, I was already a nobody after maybe five minutes of small talk. Now lets go meditate and see you soon. -(° °)-

@Edkens I get what you mean... You're not alone. I'm always trying to elevate the intelligence and the significance of conversations around me. But everyone's too busy talking shit about each other and crowing about those stupid Marvel movies... you know ? And even then, I've been passionate about truth, consciousness and personal development for so long that my old social circle became quite intelligent, open-minded and curious about the mysteries of life. Compared to the norm. But I'm still feeling like an alien, even though I built the kind of social circle you probably dream of And not only do they try to bring you down to their level. They also try to bring you back to your past shitty self. Have you noticed this ? People don't want you to change. They've put you in a box, and they're too lazy to be drawing a different box for you every two months. One of the solutions : Finding better people to hang out with. People who really want to investigate the important questions about happiness, truth and the future of humanity. People who encourage each other's growth. People like you and me !

Had a really great conversation with my best friend and his sister last night, which called to my attention a few basic facts I've been neglecting: I don't really have anyone I can talk to, other than my best friend and my therapist. I have a horrible relationship with both of my parents, and would go as far as to say I hate them. I certainly have no love for them, and the abuse they subjected me to, which led to my fucked up psychology today. While my friends can talk to their parents and have a generally loving relationship with them, I avoid mine at all costs. I haven't talked to my dad in a year and I only speak to my mom to keep up appearances with my family (questioning why I even do that anymore). I'm really deeply ashamed of my psychology and negative traits (neurosis, see previous post) because I'm terrified of coming off in the wrong light and scaring off my friends. This goes to the core of a fundamental fear I have of abandonment and ostracism, which if I really dig deep, underlies the majority of my fears and anxieties. In the end, this shame just amplifies the extreme self hate I cast upon myself. While these qualities are undesirable, it doesn't always make sense to blame myself for them, as they were developed as coping mechanisms to the childhood trauma I went through. So, I've decided my top goal for 2016 is: to learn to love myself. I will follow a process I found on Teal Swan's channel whereby every day I live by the question, "What would someone who loves themselves do?" The concept of self love is totally alien to me and I feel corny and false even telling myself the words, "I love myself." I already feel my voice piping up, "No you don't you stupid fuck, you really hate yourself." Which is why this is such a big priority of mine - I'm only 25 and I've been torturing myself in this way for nearly two decades now. I want it to end, and I want this to be the year in which I learn to be happy, accept reality as it is now and love myself unconditionally in the face of reality. I feel myself tempted by hopelessness, clawing at me to return to my addictions but I refuse to take the easy way out. Today I took a few simple steps toward improving my situation and treating myself with more respect: cleaning the mold out of my shower, eating healthier, washing my sheets and taking care of a work issue instead of procrastinating until Monday. I feel moderately better, although I am a long way from knowing what true self love feels like. Has anyone been through a similar situation, or have advice on how I can learn to love myself coming from a background of extreme self hate? Best, TTB

Carl Sagans Cosmos is the GOAT documentary by far. Also amazing: Home Planet ocean (the shots are incredible in both of these, especially liked the plankton. Alien as fuck) - Almost anything BBC (Life story, Planet earth, Life, Human planet, The blue planet and Wonders of the Solar system especially) - Our secret universe - the hidden life of the cell if you want to know more about our complex inner workings (fucking crazy) - Into the universe with stephen hawking - Journey to the edge of the universe - Also liked inner worlds, outer worlds.

As long as you think you are creating something (thoughts, actions), you will never be enlightened First, I don't want to be " enlightened" because I don't believe in such a thing (pure religious woo woo), and I'm a real skeptic. " But People have NO Choice" They obviously have "They can't chose to think. " (No, Then who choose? a God in the sky? A alien in control of you? A mysterious super life conscious woo woo energy? A super mysterious invisible woo woo deepak field of consciousness which knows what is a chocolate and what is a tea, then It chooses for you the tea? Give me a break dude, this belongs to walt disney "But thoughts happened itself." I already show you why thoughts don't happen by itself (whatever that means) what is a thought, a alien? lmao. Want me to go deeper in this issue? "You can't even chose to understand what I'm saying right now" ?? You make no sense dude, you have no proof of what you are saying you are just babbling here using fallacy and saying "You can't do this or that" without any evidence of such, you are just saying what YOU believe to be true. If I can't choose what to understand, then who does? If you say that there is something in my brain that can do that (This is still me, because I'm not separated from my brain and I'm also my brain) So what is it, a big alien? "There's no YOU to create anything but they appears from the cause of external experiences" So "creating things" is an independent entity which is not me but which decides what a body is going to do which is not me, despite me feeling that I am this entity and that I am choosing what to do. Which means I exist. YOU ARE HIGH. FINISH THE CHEETOS AND GO TO SLEEP. STOP ATTEMPTING PHILOSOPHY If people can choose to think, why are they suffering? And who told you that people are "suffering"? I'm sure you are brainwashed by these new fake radical neo-advaita teachers (tony parsons, lisa cairns, etc) who keep repeating the word "suffering" "suffering" "suffering" "suffering" , as If there was a "world of suffering" and the only escape is following their cult/religion of "enlightenment. I can quote thousands and thousands of people 100% happy and full of life which never heard anything of this non dual nonsense. Your happiness is not everyone's happiness dude. The only people who might be suffering are you guys, srsly, suffering from this mental nonsense. You sound like a religious lunatic. wake up, you are brainwashed.

You are obviously not your thoughts, since you create them, and you have to separate unconscious thoughts from conscious thoughts. Thoughts are peripheral details from you, (self), we differ from thoughts, that's your unique self conscious perspective, and most of the unconscious thoughts are basically old memories playing on you because of painfull emotions from the past. You created them from experience. You are the doer as there is no man in the sky pulling the strings, no alien controlling you, no alien in your brain, only you, and you being influenced by emotions. That's all. And when these type of memories appear in you , unconsciously you direct them, analyze them, can think about them on your own self perspective. Actually everytime someone ask you to remember something you are using your own power of intention in the moment to force YOUR OWN brain to provide the memory for you, the delay is a proof, you are prior it. That's a basic example of you. Thoughts are peripheral details. Your UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL self is the only thing you can be pretty sure it is 100% real.

You must exist in order to say that "you don't exist", so yes, you do exist. So, this is rubbish.. move on.. Then who is understanding this conversation? who is aware of it and understanding with Its own perspective that differs from other people? Who is understanding the thoughts, ideas beliefs and your own subjectivitity in your mind? Who is this centered "thing" inside Which is understanding and analyzing things? If not YOU? If you say "OHHH IT IS CONSCIOUSNESS" (Still you, because you don't experience being a flower or the wind, or "everything", you are always in your body and always experiencing your own subjectivity so that's you. You can't say "the brain", because the brain is not some fucking alien in control of you, you can't separate you from your brain, you are one within your brain, and you are also your brain, neurons etc, and the brain just is, the brain is not some alien which is aware and you aren't... NO, the awareness in your brain is you aware, you are aware of your brain cravings, you are aware of your mood and emotions, which happens UTTERLY AND LONELY to you and through you, because only you can experience being you and your emotions.You can't say "It is life, not you" Because now you're stuck in your body, so that's you, and you have also to define "life". Because the only thing that we can know for sure, is our INDIVIDUAL existence (SELF), all the rest is doubtful. cogito ergo sum. I can be skeptic about the world's existence, but I can't lie to my self and say that I don't exist because I know that's rubbish. so what your absurd statement "there is no you" even means? = bullshit.

I watched something about this on a tv documentary recently. Very interesting. Isn't it a cause of 'alien hand syndrome' where on side of the brain tries to assert itself over the other, maybe by using an arm to hit the body and demand control while the other side of the brain is using verbal reasoning etc

Today has been wierd. I was doing some of my sweeping thinking, and I just let my mind wander. I was thinking about my existence, my past, my future, what's going on now, people, etc. And I had a thought about me, not the normal me, me as a whole, past present and future. It was quite the sobering experience. I found that I have always been doing personal development in a way. And I ran into a bigger thought. Have you ever sat down behind the wheel of your car and seriously thought about just leaving? I'm not going into the thought yet. I've tried to put it in words a hundred times, and I can't get it right.it's about people, and the way I see things. Maybe, I'll be able to articulate it later. I thought alot about work and what I really think I sould be doing. I don't know my life purpose, but I do think I have a pretty good idea of what it might be. And, it seems like everthing I'm stuck in won't let me align with it. I have had the notion to just drop everything and get to where I need to, but that doesn't seem to be the right way to do it. I'm a big dude, so I get stuck with all the heavy lifting. And I realized that I do the heavy lifting with both my body and mind. I take on other peoples bs without asking for anything in return. I get used alot. And, I'm kind of like the family therapist. But, I kind of like it. Not the being used part. Maybe there is a hint in this. I'm trying to better myself, and I have no one to really talk to about it. So, I'm alone. I know it's a lone wolf journey, but damn, my dog even walks away from me when I try to talk to her. Most of the time when I go to post on the forum I just delete it. I read what other people are saying and, honestly I don't whant to sound like a fool (I'm realy good at that), or I come to the strange conclusion that it's pointless. Maybe I should just start throwing stuff out there reactions be damned. (This is me articulating that thought.) It's hard to explain so bear with me. It started with me thinking about how other people seem to have a pretty good understanding of everything. At least on a base level. For instance how they feel, or what they want, etc. Then that thought moved to me. I realy don't know how I feel. There have been times that I seriously considered going to a therapist to see if I was psycopathic. But I know I'm not, and I have emotions they just never seem to be very strong. But then on the flip side I'm very emotional and they are very strong. And, I never really know what I want. It makes me feel lost. So, maybe this is where the depression came in. But it went further. I thought about how when some says somthing like center yourself, be at one with this, or some other eccentric emotion or idea, I have no clue what they are talking about. But, everyone else seems to get it. So, did I miss an understanding your emotions class or something? Anyway, it made me feel like an alien. I don't realate to alot of stuff other people do. Maybe this came from moving around alot when I was young. But, then it shifted again. I moved to a more positive place like how I don't need to relate to these other people. I'm perfectly fine just as I am. I can and will do things that others can't even fathom. This lead to me coming out of the depressed state. And then I had the huge thought. What others do is not what I do. It has never been this way. I have always fought against the norm to be myself. I know how I feel and what I want. It's just harder to explain (Those thoughts before always had an answer). I have been laughed at and ridiculed, bullied and beaten, rejected and fucked over. But, not once have I lost sight of who I am, and let others dictate how I live my life. Why now do I feel I am not normal? Hell, I've never been normal. I chose a different path. I've always been on the Warriors journey. Normal is for pesants. I do hard stuff because it's hard and when they are looking up at me wandering how, I'll tell them. Needless to say I cried, laghed, got angry, and a slew of other emotions. That's just the condenced version. My forhead was on fire and my whole body was pulsating when it ran it's course. The rest of my day has been awsome. Shit just seemed to click. To end this mile long post. My mom made pot roast tonight. That always puts me in awsome mood. And I feel like I've made some big steps in the right direction. I feel like I just slayed a demon, honestly. Maybe something life changing is about to happen. We'll see.