cle103

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About cle103

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  1. @Leo Gura Sounds pleasant haha Thank you!
  2. @non_nothing Thanks! Adyashanti is great. @Nahm Hmm, interesting. It always sounds so easy, if I think about it now I'd say "Just surrender" but when my identity actually is on the line it's so much harder. I'll try next time. Thank you. @Leo Gura Yup, shit happens. I'll interpret this as "keep going" or is there anything else you'd point me to? @Oktillo Yeah, so much to learn. You describe the same feeling I get on shrooms. We're just petty monkeys with some fancy technology
  3. @SirVladimir Yes , that sounds familiar. It's an experience for sure. @karkaore Thanks!
  4. @Hellspeed Thank you. What do you mean exactly by "ground it into Muladhara"? Focus on the first chakra?
  5. Yes, control def. goes out the window haha. Did you manage to surrender the 1st try or how long did it take you? I tried to surrender but my ego was just hanging on for its dear life.
  6. @PsiloPutty Yeah, this sounds nice in theory. However when I'm certain I'll die it gets a little tricky I think you're right about surrendering... it's just not what my ego likes to do as its head is on the chopping board. Thanks for your comment! @Serotoninluv It was profound indeed (and scary).
  7. Hey guys, this is the third time it happened to me and I wanted to get your thoughts on this: Yesterday I was meditating in total darkness late at night (my fav. time and setting). I was doing my usual routine that my coach gave me (self love, meta, chakra work). After I was finished I noticed that my mind was extremely calm. First there were some thoughts but I could clearly observe that those were not "mine" or "me". Then all thinking stopped. There was nothing. And after a minute or so this thought emerged by itself: "Wait! What is me?" And that freaked me the fuck out. There was no me. As this was noticed noticed my heart started POUNDING. I never experienced anything like this. I was sweating and panicking. I heard Leo talk about that this happens when you're on a brink of an awakening, however I could not break through. It felt literally like I was dying. I was scared shitless. I thought about my family and how they would miss me. It was intense. And when my heart beat increased even further I had the feeling that the inside flipped outside... That there was no body anymore, only me. The heartbeat, the rapid breathing happened within "me". As I said, this happened twice before but never that intense. How do you actually break through in such a situation? Thanks for your feedback. - Cheers
  8. Anywhere in Germany and I'm down. I know at least one-two friends who would attend the 2nd day as well (plus me).
  9. @Leo Gura For sure. Now I know better.
  10. Hey guys, I took 2/3 a blotter of AL-LAD today and thought I'd share my experience. Background on me: 21 years old, 6 mushroom trips, meditating seriously for 2.5 - 3 years (same data I'd put on my resume). Preface: AL-LAD is technically legal in Germany so I ordered me some online. I had this trip planned for one week. The day of: My first plan was to take the dose in the morning, however the test kit I ordered from amazon hadn't arrived yet. So I first went to buy the weeks groceries with my roommate. As I checked the mail afterwards, the test kit had arrived. I tested the substance (Ehrlich Test), it came out positive and I cut out 2/3 a blotter and put it under my tongue (I swallowed it after 30 minutes). In the course of this day/trip I made some mistakes as I will go into later. Come up: This was the first time I took AL-LAD and it really surprised me how long the come up was. It think this was mainly due to the fact that I ate breakfast (whenever I took mushrooms it was on an empty stomach). I think the come up was like 60-90 minutes. Halfway through I was certain that I got some weak stuff. However the effects came... first thing I noticed was that my face became really warm and my body felt kind of light where it would feel heavy on shrooms. Nevertheless the body load was still real and I spent most of the trip lying on my back with my eyes closed. It felt kind of similar to mushrooms in the 2-3g range. In comparison it seems like mushrooms are their own "thing/entity". They have their own agenda whereas with AL-LAD you're just in your own headspace. I had set my intentions on a couple different topics in my life: What is death? What is infinity? Should I move there or stay in this city? However only one got answered... what is death. And oh well: Death is a story. Like. fucking. Santa. Claus. You can't find it anywhere you look. It's just a concept. It's an empty vessel wherein you (and me) project your fears. Complete illusion. Smoke and mirrors. This didn't came as a big mind blowing epiphany, it was just proved within my direct experience. Even now this is hard to grasp as I'm "sober" again. I believe in death so damn much (like a little girl in Santa Claus... it's my baby blanket of doom and suffering). I also had one episode where I drew something in my notebook. There, within one drawing I became conscious of what creativity and creation is. Creativity is in essence the interconnection of previously unconnected points. And creation is the cycle of life and death: Man lives. Man dies. Man becomes dust. Dust becomes plant. Plant gets eaten. Plant becomes man (just as an example). This is creation. Everything is made out of each other/the same stuff... it just seems different. The snake eating it's own tail. It's just a never ending loop. These where my main insights. Now let's get to my mistakes (take notes kids): Meal timing: I think me having breakfast a couple hours pre trip prolonged the come up. Furthermore I became ravenously hungry about 5 hours in. This was distracting. And the only reason I didn't die cutting fruit was because I've been cooking for myself for the last 5+ years. Learning: Trip in the morning. Prepare fruit salad. I was to rushed. Even though I committed to the trip a week ago, I cancelled it because the test kit didn't arrive in the morning. This definitely effected my headspace in a negative way when I re-decided on tripping. I think my learning here is to be more patient with myself and take an extra week instead of rushing. Also I had some pretty rough dreams the nights before (one where I felt pain so strong I woke up and literally still felt it in my chest). I don't know if this played a roll but some of the patterns re-emerged. This surely had an effect on my mind space as well. I was to cocky. Story. of. my. life. But seriously: I thought I was taking my practices seriously whereas I was just kidding myself to be honest. I'm doing Kriya Yoga and daily meditation but I don't put everything into it. I complain (to myself) that my work is to demanding and that my boss is neurotic and that my life purpose is to make him rich... and this plus the hours I work leads to me being tired AF... leads to me watching to much YouTube/... in the evenings... leads to sloppy practice. That won't fly. Life is tough... oh wait that's me complaining again. Learning: Working hard on your job won't prepare you for shit cause all that business crap flies out the window the moment you pop that thang. Learning: Man, don't be so cocky going into the trip thinking you can demand some wisdom from the universe as if you won the lottery. Note to reader: If you got any good ideas for relaxing and recreation after work please let me know. That's it. This was intended as a test run. I learned some things. I learned a lot about tripping. And I'll be back. Better prepared, ready to go... and with 200μg lol. If you got ANY suggestions, thoughts or feels regarding this report, let me know. - Cheers
  11. Hey guys, I've been meaning to write this for a while now. Some stats on me: 21 years old, male I work in a marketing agency (and I like it 90%) Meditating for 2.5 years (6 magic mushroom trips) This is mostly me reflecting and self assessing my progress and shortcomings on this journey. I've also included recent learnings. Hope you enjoy. In order of importance... Enlightenment Status: Definitely not enlightened (yet) I've worked with a coach on my Kundalini for about 3 months and I've seen a lot of improvements in my practice. Especially after reintroducing Kriya Yoga. I now do Leo's Kriya routine in the morning and a visualization + chakra meditation at night. Both take about 30 minutes each. Just yesterday I had a session at night where I felt the borders of my body dissolving combined with increased heart rate. I had this a couple times before. Sometimes with my heart nearly exploding (or so it felt). I think I'm on track here. Of course if you think "Yay, here comes my breakthrough" you loose it... nonduality you slippery bitch... Other than that I can definitely sense energy in my spine but nothing special to report. Things I've learned recently: Your day is preparation for practice! If you train distraction for 23 hours it doesn't do much if you meditate for one hour. So do one thing at a time. Finish what you start and stay mindful in every move you make. That's harder than it sounds. Especially when you own a laptop or phone lol. I've also had some really interesting experience/trip after smoking weed recently. Another thing: Meditation isn't just sitting still and closing your eyes. It's a prolonged and deep state of focus. That just made me realize how weak my focus really is. I cannot even concentrate on my third eye for 5 minutes. Screw you pornhub... Note to self: Place order for LSD and DMT asap. Life Purpose I've been working on my LP for the better part of two years now. And I believe I know what I want to do. My passions are: Health, nutrition, cooking, nonduality, yoga and art. My current approach lies in combining the health stuff and weaving in some nondual teachings. I'm working on getting some clients for online coaching on health and and nutrition. Gonna see if it's for me or not. But I can definitely see myself doing that and going deep... however my fingers are also itching to do some art. Gotta see how this pans out. Things I've learned: I basically work to make my boss rich. Man... I really like my coworkers and my boss. They're great humans. However I don't think that this is going to be my life forever. The job takes SO much time and energy that could be focussed on LP and meditation. I think it's gotta go in the long run... Dating So... yeah dating hasn't been happening for quite some time lol. At my age I should be getting drunk and high and fuck some hoes. Preferably at the same time... however this doesn't really appeal to me. Dating takes SO much energy it's not even funny. I am fucking spent after a week of work, progressing on my LP and doing all that meditating. That's my excuse at least. Sometimes I ask myself if all this dating stuff is even worth the trouble. Then again: Some female affection would be great and I believe that a deep relationship could be worth the hassle. #pleasehelp Health Health is great. I hit the gym 4 times per week. I take walks and do Yoga. I eat clean, cook my own food and I love it. I've experimented with some intuitive eating and it feels really good. However I've got a minor food addiction in the evening. As I see food as my go to way for comfort after a long day of work. Nothing drastic as I'm pretty lean and muscular and I just eat a little to much (of the healthy food). Gotta clean it up sometime but I don't have the mental band width right now. Other Learnings I basically know NOTHING. That just dawned on me after the "life is a maze" video. All I have are my direct experiences from trips and life. EVERYTHING else is just hearsay. All the knowledge I assumed was true my WHOLE life: Monkey see - monkey do. This shit is dangerous. I remember listening to Jordan Peterson half a year ago. I thought: "Man, this guy's kinda aggressive, but I see what he's saying." You don't question this knucklehead if he's on Joe Rogan cause he sounds smart. But then you listen closely to what he says and you ask yourself: "Wait what? Is he serious? Did he just say this!?" So thanks Leo for that. You/I just can't take anyone's word for anything. Gotta find out for yourself... as my statistics professor likes to say: "You can use graphs and numbers to prove any fucking thing you want." Then again: You gotta take hypotheses. But I'd rather rely on the Buddha than on the RSD guys or JP lol. --- If you made it this far: Thank you for your attention! If you got anything to point out: Blind spots or things that might benefit me/others on the same path please comment below. Much love! - Cheers
  12. @Gabriel Antonio Yeah, I'm glad as well haha. Didn't plan it... just wanted to have a relaxed evening.
  13. @Self Discovery Thanks mate! Yeah the hard part is the embodiment of that insight.
  14. @Nahm @nethernalbeing Thanks guys!