cle103

Building websites and running meta ads is/was 80% of my job Tho, meta ads would be pretty hard to get profitable unless the art is super trendy/mainstream. Yeh, I'm aware of that. Plenty of people teaching others how to paint or how to make money as an artist. Honestly, I'm not into either as they aren't part of my life purpose.

The company I work for is more likely than not going under. It was a great gig. Chill hours, great colleagues and boss who's into spiral dynamics. Oh well... As it's a small company I have a good amount of experience in different fields, mostly in marketing tho (a field I dislike, but someone had to do it). I could look for a job in this field but all the ones I've found thus far are peak stage orange, which I'm not willing to go into. My life purpose is art and I've been painting 4-6 days/week for the last 5 years. So I'm considering using this as a chance to try it out for real. I'm 28 and have solid savings (low 6 figures). My monthly expenses are around 1.500€, which I could get down a bit. Main idea is to go balls to the wall for 3 months and see how far I can get. I'd also try to get some state funding. As I don't have an art degree or current following, It will probably be hard to get into galleries (which take 50% anyways). So I would most likely be creating content on social media (which I've been avoiding thus far). I'm under no illusion how hard this can be. Secondary idea was to get a lower paying job in gallery or art related business and work art on the side. But the idea to spend 8 hrs/day painting is whispering to me a bit more tbh. Any thoughts or guidance are appreciated!

Love the new look! More elegant and professional.

I like 1 and 12. Is the weight difference on 13 deliberate? Apart from that I like it as well. New > Old.

Nice one! I can remember the struggles of eating mushrooms all too well. You actually don't have to ingest the whole mushroom, you can extract the Psilocybin/Psilocin. Look up "Lemon Tek" or brewing them as tea with ginger and honey (no cooking). Way more pleasant than eating, less complications and usually faster onset.

As I haven’t tripped in long time I was a bit worried. About the come up in particular. But it was smooth sailing from the start. No anxiety at all. One of my key questions was: How do I live? As in what is the correct way of living for me or how to be in the world. Gonna get back to that one. My mind kinda shifted towards the topic of epistemic blunders. I had to think of Jan 6th and the QAnon shaman. Like what led him to wear that buffallo hat that day? I saw how it could not have been any other way. I realized how everyone there was right. I also saw how everyone who thought those guys were wrong was right as well. Everyone is right, in their own mind. And to Gods mind there’s no such thing as right or wrong. It’s just playing with itself. Like two waves of the same river crashing into each other, playfully. That was kinda amusing in this example but got immediately challenged when my mind shifted to Epstein. I was able to shift consciousness into Epsteins mind. I could see how he was right as well. Exact same thing. Waves crashing into each other. Then the mind came in "who could stomach such a form of Love?" I couldn’t. A while later I also realized why: Because I still assumed I was human. This was one of my most primal beliefs. Who could’ve thought that the most rudimentary, first, assumption I ever made about myself - that I’m human - is wrong. What in the fuck? My birth was imaginary. My "life" is like specks of sand rippling in the wind over the desert. It’s a mirage. Aaah. After being released from my human bounds I was immediately able to realize Epstein as Love. A Love so total it loves everything. Every dark corner and underbelly. It’s all Love. As for God there’s no darkness, only Self Love. I am Love. A Self Love so animated and live with Intelligence it’s mind boggling. Who remains when the voice in my head stops narrating and my personality washes away? It’s exactly this Self Love. I like the term "Self Love" bc. God is actively loving itself. Who breathes this body? Can I let go of this control as well, make the leap of faith? As my mind formulated the question the imaginary leap was already taken. Can’t really put the next part into words. Onwards! I realized that the correct question isn’t "How to live?" but rather "How to love?". The second crucial epistemic blunder I’ve made in my life was to think that Love is limited. It’s this core belief that causes all wounds - collectively as well as on a personal level. Every war can boiled down to this. Oof. This was all a lot to stomach and made me realize I had gotten quite hungry… Strawberries 5 hours in I decided on having some strawberry sorbet. After the first bite I thought to myself "Gosh, who doesn’t love strawberries?". Then I realized that to God literally everything tastes like strawberries. Oof again. I then also realized how animate consciousness constructed the "taste" of "strawberries" and how it made "me" jive with it in particular. Such a deep intelligence. And on it went... Back to the question of how to live love. This is all a Love simulator. Can you love me? The self asks. Show me how to love, the intention arises. Oof yet again. I think that’s it. Pardon all my oof’s and aah’s, it’s kinda hard to find words and wrap my mind around these things - love this expression lol. This whole ordeal was grueling, solid 10 hours. Hope you enjoyed reading! Gonna eat a bit more strawberry sorbet now. Love you, bye

Whenever I search for breathwork music on YouTube these days, I only get AI generated trash or hippies chanting cheesy healing sounds (ewww). So I thought I'd share some of my favs and would love to learn about some new hidden gems from ya'll! Especially curious about climactic/phasic pieces or playlists that work for holotropic breathwork. This is my basic go to (no voices, just drumming): This is really nice as well but a bit short: And here's a playlist I'm working on currently. These two songs as a warm up (yes, I like my music on the intense side haha): And this for the main part, it's nicely chaotic and climactic: Cheers!

Do you have a solid starting routine you'd recommend to get back into Kriya? When I did it a couple years ago I read most of the books on your list but remember them being kinda conflicting on which exercises to do and how much.

Got it! Up to now I've always tried to face it instead of trying to avoid it or refocusing. But that hasn't resolved it. Like this? Lowering the dose further to start with is a good point. That experience was on 3g, iirc. I'd most likely be doing LSD. Was thinking in the 80 microgram range. MDMA is interesting, haven't considered that yet!

Ty! That's a really good point. During the good trips I had afterwards I was able to kinda anchor the positive feeling of the afterglow during the come up. Is there anything in particular that helps you to get into the right state beforehand? How did you manage those instances in the moment? As in, if it comes up just focus on something else, forcefully if needed? Thanks for the input!

I haven't tripped in about 3 years. Over the last couple of weeks I felt the thirst for insights become stronger. What's keeping me is mainly the memory of one traumatizing experience: Usually the come up for mushrooms is about an hour for me. That time they came on after about 10 minutes which blindsided me. I proceeded to have a full blown panic attack. As I never had one before (or after, luckily), I didn't know what to do. Even thought about calling an ambulance. In the end I was able to surrender and had great trip afterwards. Nonetheless that memory stays with me. In subsequent trips there was always a certain level of fear during the come up (mainly my heart racing). If I had to pinpoint it, I'd say my biggest fear is having a panic attack again, my heart stops beating and I die. Which seems highly unlikely but that's what my mind is telling me. Would really appreciate any tips and pointers here. Cheers!

Actually a big 40k nerd haha Can think of it like the sci-fi strategy version of DND. The combination of painting, creativity and then strategy is super fulfilling (as well as the social aspect). Beyond that, I love growing fruits, herbs and flowers, building a small ecosystem on my balcony. Also looove long runs, ideally 2+ hours in the sun. Random side quests include long stretching sessions on a microdose of THC, learning about geopolitics/war and reading the Taylor Swift subreddit for its wholesomeness lol

@SimpleGuy Oh yes, dried Mango is amazing, basically candy. @Ramasta9 Some nice ideas, ty! I like the molasses touch. Flours should be gluten free as they are. Hazelnut butter would be amazing, pricey tho.

Swifties (super fans in general) Navy Seals (basically all Special Forces communities) Wearing sunglasses at techno clubs B list celebrities living in Hollywood

That reminds me of my old roommate who was my tripsitter for a while. After every trip I told him about my mind bending explorations and eventually he wanted to try it as well (he dabbled in meditation). I think he did 3 trips (good dosages as well) and the most he got out of it was some sort of symbol/logo he found cool. He's super extroverted as well. Able to network his way to all kinds of opportunities but he struggles with deep work. Real pros and cons for both sides.