cle103

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  1. @OBEler 5g‘s of mushrooms was the breakthrough. I‘ve done 2 Al Lad trips and the rest were mushroom. Regarding the breakthrough, it was really intense. Kinda like being struck by lightening (or what I imagine it to be like). You can read my report here if you want: Would I recommend it? Absolutely. If you are ready to surrender completely.
  2. @AncestorOfAisle6 For me, my baseline increased tremendously. I've done 13 trips in the last 3 years. However the changes were exponential ever since my first breakthrough to absolute infinity. This was 3 months ago and it was the day, the real journey started. Since then, I truly felt my day to day consciousness rising. Main differences since then: 1. I know what I am shooting for. 2. I am much more aware of my breath and body tensions which basically makes my life a constant lightly meditative state (which is pretty pleasurable). 3. I am much more loving. Like 10x since the breakthrough. More respecting of others, animals and all life forms. Don't expect one trip to do that for you. This takes work and most likely a good dozen trips.
  3. @d0ornokey Yup, pretty much all of them can be found on the forum 😉
  4. @Leo Gura Thanks! The potential is undeniable. I‘m only 21, there is no way in hell I could have grown as much without psychedelics. I am truly beginning to learn how to live. Btw thx for your example as well! Without it I would‘ve denied this path.
  5. I’ve counted them all up: This was my 13th ride on the psychedelic ferry. And it was an insightful one to say the least. If you want to skip straight to the trip, please feel free. However to those interested, I will provide some background. The last 4 of my trips really go together. It all started in April when I decided to trip again after a half year off. This one trip changed my life. And it told me 2 things (besides many others) that are crucial: Psychedlics are your path. Your path is the one of energy and purification. The subsequent trip was my first breakthrough to absolute infinity. And my last trip was a deeper insight into the mechanics of God and me becoming aware of the “One Eyeball seeing”. If you’re interested you can read them here (I’ve labeled them for my own reference): Creativity and Beauty | #10 Infinity | #11 The Pixel | #12 Now on to lucky number 13. Man. Where to begin. I will start off with the method of administration. I ground up the shrooms, put them in a tea bag and then followed @Nahm's Ginzing™ tea procedure. It worked like a charm and the peak was even longer than usual (felt like years but must have been a good solid hour of hanging around in the God Head). My intentions where: Who is aware of the “Pixel” (= God/the one eyeball seeing/that which within all dimensions and so on are contained)? What is the energy part of “Energy and Purification” (I figured out purification in #12). What is my role in this life time? The Trip: Like the last time I began a conversation with God after the come up. Again it asked me: “What do you want to learn?”. Again I stated my intentions. Again it showed me my impurities. Again I surrendered and admitted what I was suppressing (in this case feelings for a girl). Then again the real trip began. It started with my 3rd intention: “What is my role in this life time?” I also asked: “What is my medium or mode of creation?”. God proceded to state: “Art”. It was that simple. I tried to question it. I pondered it. But there was no fucking around. My life purpose is art. My soul’s yearning is creation. I am half warrior, half artist. It even showed me that my body was made out of the two halves (left = artistic, right = warrior) with my heart being the one of a warrior. It also showed me how to use my left hand. Following were visions of me living my purpose. I saw my designs and artworks on shirts and canvases. It also showed me sharing insights. It was beautiful. And what was also remarkable: I always kinda knew that I was an artist. And a particular scene came to mind: In Germany if you finish your school you go for a last test where you have to pick 4 classes which count double and will be tested extensively. I took art as my last one. And I got a B- for my sculpture. Years ago I could not belief why my teacher would do that as we were pretty close and the sculpture was good (imo lol). I then realized that this was his final teaching. I pretty much copied the sculpture I did in class months ago and with this grade he taught me to be original. He taught me I could do better than this. What a man. It turns out there are two modes of creativity: Copying something - Re-creation. Tapping into true imagination and God’s creativity - Creation. Don’t get me wrong, most art is copied and still great. However true creativity is something else entirely. That’s the art which moves mountains. Btw. I also revisited on of my first trips where encountered a Balrog in the realms of consciousness. Of course I don't know, but it seems that either the makers of the Lord of the Rings movies, or Tolkien himself has pounded some mushrooms. After that, this part of the trip seemed finished and proceeded to go pee. Once I returned I lied down and set my mind to the “Who is aware of the Pixel?” question. However I was put off by some roof worker hammering on top of my flat. Then something happended which still takes my breath away: There was a voice out of nowhere which said: “You know you can stop the noise, right?”. I was like: “What the fuck, how?”. It answered: “Remember”. The hammering stopped in that instance. What. The. Fuck. There is no “How”. God just wills it. I am remembering more and more how I built all of this. And how I engineered all of this so I forgot I did this. It is so ingenious. Holy fuck. I looked at my hand. I wanted to change it. It changed into a claw of some sort. Almost like a pig foot. I wanted to make it green and alien. I realized that there was an invisible “lock” on that. I couldn’t do it. HOWEVER I also realized that this lock was imaginary. It was my limiting belief (forget the personal development mumbo jumbo). And if I surrendered this belief I could literally turn my hand into a tentacle. Holy fuck. However now the real mindfuck commenced. I asked: “Who is aware of God?” “How can God be aware of itself”? The answer was: There is NOTHING to be aware of. Perception is a lie. Fuck. . I really wanted to use less swear words to keep this report classy but man… what a mindfuck. Later I also asked: What are all these thoughts in my head and what is the ego? The answer: Thoughts come from the field of infinite potential (which is HERE and NOW). They are made out of the one “stuff” call it consciousness. And they are illusory. That means: They create separation. God uses thoughts so you perceive yourself as other so that God can look at itself. Then it made itself forget that it did that so that Trump doesn't turn all cats into chickens, or worse And if theses thoughts recede you go back into oneness aka no separation. Holy fuck. It really does nothing to read this in a book. You gotta experience it first hand. Mushrooms taught me that over and over: If you read, it’s heresay. If you gain insight from the hand to hand combat of existence, it’s wisdom. Books are still crucial but there is no comparison. Then there was only one intention left: What is energy? The answer: There is nothing which is not energy. There is only one “stuff”. I really wanted to learn more, what the role of energy is for awakening, what the Kundalini is and so forth but I was to exhausted at this point. I just stayed in the Godhead, setting my intent to heal existence and ask some more questions however the main part of the trip was over. Only one more thing: If you think God is this serious, nihilistic “thing”... get that out of your head. God is playful and even humorous (yet also brutal in some sense that it uses evolution as its playground and paintbox). It played around in this trip. It joked at the beginning why I would not want to see some aliens (my intent was set on the above 3 things). And it also showed me how silly this notion is: We are humans. Living on rock. This rock is inhabitable by accident. Somehow life poofs into existence which is of course proven by science. And this rock is the only one which has intelligent live on it. Yeah, sure. Cool story bro. There are no accidents. None. Thank you. P.S. I planned to trip monthly but this is getting pretty intense and exhausting. If one of you experienced psychonauts has some insight into picking your pace and so on, I would be grateful. P.P.S. You might wonder, what these insights change in ones day to day life. Aren't they just some psychedelic "state"? Well no. What I can say with absolute certainty is that I've done 1-3 years of growing in the last 4 months. I am much more aware of the ego's trickery and I feel like I am becoming an embodiment of Love. I also feel much more joy on a daily basis. I respect every life form ten times more (e.g. if there is a pigeon or crow in my way, I step aside so I do not disturb it and I also watch my step avoiding to step on ants and so on).
  6. @Commodent Ok thanks. What do you think about breath work? And what are your sources?
  7. Hey guys, I've been meditating alot on my breath for the last months (using Culasada's stage model) and I've been noticing some interesting changes which also pose the above question. A couple of nights ago I was lying down getting ready to sleep after meditation and my mind just stopped completely. Like zero thoughts. I then was sucked into something that seemed like swirl of consciousness which was also profound as it wiped away the feeling of the body. However it stopped after a minute or so. Ever since then I've been focussing on the breath even more throughout the day (I also do breath work and Kriya Yoga). Which poses my question: How do you breath properly? I am serious. There's alot of conflicting advice. Some ppl. say to breathe into your stomach. Some say to expand your full torso... Same in breath work: Do you breathe only through your nose? Only through your mouth? Or does it not matter? I've heard all 3 answers from seemingly legit experts (Wim Hof, Laird Hammilton, ...). As for my direct experience: In daily life I feel that if I breathe with my whole torso I also move my shoulders upward a bit which is not good. However if I only breathe into my belly it doesn't seem optimal either (most likely either takes more practice). Note: Focussing on the breath throughout the day is immensely calming, even meditative. My day feels like low level meditation when I don't forget to check in with my breath regularly. In my view this has immense potential as I feel it's essential to make life your practice as well. Regarding breath work: Breathing only in through the nose seems really forceful when you want to go balls deep (bc. the breath would otherwise take alot longer compared to mouth breathing). So what is your experience? If I remember correctly @Leo Gura wanted to shoot a video on the proper way of breathing (maybe he could spill the beans ). - Cheers
  8. @Neorez I can relate. It seems like you either have a penis or a vagina however there are all sorts of things in between. It's much more fluid without clear separations. It is not either or... it's somewhere on this field/square and you cannot really put a label on it. What society would call a "typical" man is on the same field as a "typical" women. And in reality they might not be opposites at all but rather close to each other.
  9. @ElenaO Thank you, they are beautiful indeed @Neorez That was a vision that came to mind in that instance. It is not only that you lie somewhere on a pole between male and female... there are other dimensions to the spectrum (hence a square) like what your energy is like, what you are attracted to and so on. It is more complex, completely fluid and can change over time. Hope that makes sense.
  10. @Leo Gura Thank you! Man, this was my 10th trip or so... this one felt even deeper than the last one which was 5g's. Hard to image what they will look like on the 50th ride.
  11. @Nahm Thank you man! Ginzing indeed ❤️ @Shaun I can relate. Shrooms can be like that. This was my 10th experience (or so) on them. Only the last 3 have been clear awakenings and becoming conscious of infinity. Although the earlier ones all played a role. Without them this one could not have been possible.
  12. First of all I want to give a shoutout to @Nahm for his tea procedure. I opted for Ginseng and added some ginger plus honey from my granddad’s bees. This might have been the first time mushrooms tasted good lol. More importantly: The come up was gentle. Dramatically less body load. Especially compared to the last time where I took 5g’s and felt like a truck parked on my face. To set the scene for this trip I have to start a couple weeks ago when I started listening to the Conversations with God audiobooks. There are multiple passages where he explains that you yourself create your own reality. And that your thought creates reality. Ever since then I got these thoughts like: “Man, if I create all of this… I do not want to be tortured in Syria or some shit.” - Thoughts like these came up multiple times with some great images as well. And I was afraid that I would create this... And so I did create the equal of this scenery in my own life (great job dude). Luckily there was no physical pain, it was all on a mental level. And as I became aware of today it was all for a greater purpose: Especially the last days I was just sick of creating my own suffering. I was seeing how I am doing all of this myself and holding on to it as well. Last night it was tormenting me. And I wanted to put an end to it. So I wrote up a message to my boss. I wanted to clear the air completely. Lay it all out in the open. Radically honest. And this was exactly the right thing. Not only did he take it well, it also showed up in this trip in a major way. With that being said let’s go: From the beginning of the trip I was in a conversation. The trip was utterly gentle. I mean mushrooms can fuck you up. This was the opposite. It was a loving and healing teacher. At first it asked me: What do you want to learn? My answer (and set intention) was: Clear cut awakening. It: Are you sure? Me: Yes. It: Be honest. Isn’t there some dating stuff that is more important to you at this moment? Me: Uhm… yes. <- In this instance I realized what was communicated to me 2 trips ago. There some entity told me that my path is the one of energy and purification. It was in this instance that I realized what “Purification” means. It means being honest. Not hiding the sneaky shit the ego does. Put it out there. Stare the devil in the face and watch it eat itself. That is purification. Now back to the main story: I admitted that the dating stuff was on top of my mind and so It answered: Okay, let’s work on that first. It then proceeded to show me all the ways that I create my own suffering in life. It all interconnected 100%. The trip just showed me ALL of it. The last months of my life just clicked in perfect synchrony. And it was done in such a beautiful, loving and gentle way. I will include some of the learnings at the end. However I want to get to the big stuff now: The trip kept building and interconnecting more and more... Then at the utmost peak God literally asked me: “What? Do you expect me to chop your head off now?” Remember my intent was “Clear cut awakening”. I was utterly awestruck. Then it went completely nuts. Last trip was the first time I got a breakthrough to absolute infinity but this was something else man… I directly became aware of It again, yet it was so much deeper and it happened in just one moment. I became aware of... The one pixel. God. I do not know why the word pixel came to mind but it was so fitting: Time, space, any dimension… it is all one pixel… one eyeball seeing. And it is all there fucking is. All here and now. Any and everything is contained within this one fucking pixel. And I am it. I am fucking it! Anything else is window dressing. But if you want more words here are some that described me a few moments after the realization: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Followed by tears. And tears. And tears. There is no difference between life and trip. No difference between life and death. The one talking with God is talking to itself. They are one. You are talking to yourself. This trip took me out. I am completely exhausted. Following are some of the learnings I got from this trip: Spiral Dynamics: I would consider myself a healthy green and had some inhibitions to going yellow as my judgement was that "they" think everything to death. Here I became aware of “Integration”. You do not abandon your love for nature and animals… you build on top of it. I could go more in depth but this is the gist. Work/Life Balance: You do not have to make a clear cut between life and work. This creates suffering. If you do not want to work so much be honest. Be clear and open. And do not enforce egoic boundaries when emergencies disturb “Balance”. Truth is oneness. Balance is contained within that. As with Spiral Dynamics: You build on top of it and integrate. Gender: I never really understood the whole “Gender is a construct” thing, however I also did not think about it alot. Until now. Gender is truly a construct. And it is not even a scale from A to B. It is more like a square. And you are somewhere on there with your starting point, orientation and so on. Life: Have you ever noticed that everyone gets dropped in this thing with a different starting package? Age, brain chemistry, parents, spiral dynamics starting point, … It truly is like a video game. Then it is up to you what to make of it. Note that this starting point might not be random. You have to chart your own path. Alchemy: When you want to change something, for example an emotion it does nothing to stew in your own juices… hoping to be happy again. You have to face it head on. Always. Only then transformation can occur. Basic rule of life: Face challenges NOW (it is always now) and head on. Ecology: A forrest is a perfect ecosystem. There are alot of mice. They can hide, reproduce and eat. And then there are birds that can also eat the mice and so on… all in balance. Now: A city is the same thing. Only in a distorted, unnatural way with more difficulty and suffering for everyone involved lol. Enlightenment: It is not only (if at all) the hours that you practice. What truly matters is your sincerity. Reality: This right here is "God central". It all happens here and now. Creation is immedeate, time is an illusion, death is an idea. Enlightenment Part 2: God, why do I have to go through all this shit? Answer: We frontload it so you can have an integrated awakening. I mean... man! I cannot believe I got answers like this. Last note: 2 trips ago I decided to take this much more serious (tripping). It is not a villy nilly thing anymore as in “trip when you feel like it”. It is truly a part of my path and I can now clearly see where it is heading. Love you all so much!
  13. @Nahm Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻 I tried tea once but it made me nauseous. However I drank the shrooms with it to get all of the good stuff. I will definetely give your method a go next time. Until now my favorite method was: Blend/grind mushrooms. Squeeze one lemon and one orange on top. Wait for 20 minutes and drink it. The lemon breaks down the shrooms and makes them even stronger. The orange makes it taste surprisingly good. Plus this way the mushrooms are much easier on the stomach and the come up is quicker.