lukej

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About lukej

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  • Birthday 09/01/1996

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    Hancock, Michigan
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  1. @alden lol why you so hostile? Do you not have a sense of humor? I am barely on here anyway. Anyway. I've made my decision. I am going to move to Detroit to volunteer with the City Year organization. Spend a year helping children and working part-time as a web designer. Thank you all for being part of my process. Writing this post did help me think it out a lot. May you all be blessed!
  2. @aurum Thank you for the response. I am not sure if you wanted me to answer those questions but I did take some time to think about them more. You are very right that I do not have a clear vision of where I am going. I have spent most of my teens and twenties trying many things to see what I like the most. What I love doing is working on complex programming projects where I have to connect multiple pieces together. I love working with different languages and making them work together. It is kinda like mixing music. You try to layer everything together and getting working just right and when it finally comes together it is awesome. But ultimately I think before I die if I could get either one album out or a video game that would be worth it. At least one polished refined product. I have made a lot of music but most I would never release lol. That would be my contribution to society. Till I die if I could program for a living and help people when I can. Either as a life coach or a volunteer that would be ideal. And another side note I am a gay man. I am not really looking to have a family/kids or even to get married. And I realize I got like 30+ years left (maybe lol). I am just trying to figure out the wisest way to spend those thirty years. I don't want/need fame or fortune (I can barely stand attention as is). I know really the only thing that matters is the cultivation of my consciousness and my heart. Also, excuse me for this really nerdy analogy. I kinda feel like a character in an RPG who has racked up a bunch of skill points but yet still has not gone on too many missions. He's been at home silently praticing and sharpening his tools. Now he sees that it is time to venture outwards but he does not know where to put all his effort into. And just a quick side note: I had someone from my web job actually refer me to someone at a company who is looking for a full-stack developer position,. I applied today. So, I am sitting on my hands. I've just applied to so many jobs and have dealt with so much span it has been frustrating.
  3. @alden I am not a therapist. Never said I was one. I said I was a life coach. Some of the college students I coached are in more debt than me. My mom is a nurse and she still has student debt should she stop helping people until she "figures herself out?" Life Coaching and Therapy might have some overlap. But yeah I never said that I could deal with an actually mentally ill person,. My student debt is the only debt I have. Otherwise, I am pretty okay with my money. My parents make pretty good money are helping me out with it. But I do not come from a rich background so I had to take out a loan to go to school. Your therapist may still be paying off student debt lol. And I know I am the only thing standing in my way. That's why I am here. You know very little about me but seem to make big claims about what is going on with me. I didn't want to turn this into a psych evaluation.
  4. @timeasarina Thank you for the response and the words of encouragement. In terms of my health, I am rather healthy despite the whole cancer thing. My doctor told me it was most like something to do with my genes. But I am not a doctor so I really don't know. @alden Thank you for the response. I do sincerely appreciate it. And you are right that I did flinch a bit. I feel that you just assumed my mental state. Just because I went through hell doesn't mean I am not happy. Or the fact that I am dealing with this challenging situation doesn't me I am literally sweating bullets over this lol. I love challenges and that is why I am here. I have taken Leo's Life Purpose Course and I am trying to act on my values. I took the course about three years ago. It is what drove me to switch degrees and follow my passion for web design and helping people. And I guess that is where I am at. /Do I do the web design to pay the bills and forget about helping others or just go into helping others? Who knows. I guess time will tell. I think I could help people still and that's why I would want to move to Detroit. I am not as fearful as you assume me to be. But I am aware of my ignorance and limitations but that doesn't make me afraid of them necessary. But I am not trying to defend myself I am aware of how hard it can be to communicate everything through just text. I guess I am not really looking for a solid answer to what I should do but rather maybe some resources or questions I should ask myself. Like I said I generally don't like posting this kind of question but I really just wanted to get this out of my head.
  5. Generally I don’t like to ask questions online. But right now I do not find myself in a spot where I can not seek sage consoul and honestly this forum is probably the only place I would be willing to ask anything. And with that I also understand it can be hard to speak to my situation and to truly understand what’s going on. But I trust there are probably a lot of people older and wiser than me on this forum that could help me out. And rarely do I confront a situation where I do not find any satisfying answers through my intuition or contemplation. I am seeking some practical advice for my career and life purpose. I am not really in search for any spiritual advice or answers to existential questions. I also do recognize my privilege in this situation. I am just grateful right now just to have a nice warm place to sleep and food. My Situation: I recently turned 24. I have an associate's in humanities and completed a minor in computer science (about $100k in debt but whatever). I am working at the local grocery store and as a part-time remote web developer/designer (while I was at college I worked as a web developer for three years at the school). I am also doing an unpaid internship with the Edgar Cayce Association for Research and Enlightenment as a website coordinator. I am living with my parents. In 2019 I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and had surgery/radiation done. I had to basically pull myself through the last year of college (I graduated in May 2020(. Since I graduated I’ve felt very weak until I was finally able to see a doctor and get my meds figured out. I am feeling more alive and able to do stuff now. It was right around September last year was I finally able to get my meds figured out. The thing about them is if I stop taking them I have about a week or two before I literally shrivel up and die. So, I guess I got a subscription fee for life now lol. I have found it very difficult to find work since I graduated. Since the pandemic hit a lot of the people I graduated with have had to find local jobs and move back in with their parents. It has been very tough. One thing I am thinking about doing is volunteering for the Americorps. I would move to Detroit for a school year and help students in systematically underprivileged schools. I have worked as a life coach in the past and in high school I started the first gay straight alliance in my whole county so I am not too far removed from that type of work. The thing is though is I would still need to work another job on top of that to pay my bills. My questions: I am not sure if I should move to Detroit or stay home and try to get a full-time job as a web developer? I am having trouble finding work as a web developer. Though I do have a portfolio site that I keep adding stuff to. Is there anything else I should look at to help me land a position? Should I maybe get some more certifications or take more classes through Coursera? Maybe go back to school for a bachelor's? Though there was no web design degrees at my college. But that is what I feel in love with and started doing. I was originally going for computer science but it was too hard-nosed for me. Than I switched sound design cause I also love making music but found out the program was mostly involved with theater stuff. And I really do not like theater or concerts lol. So, I got the only associates I could from the university (I also needed to get out of the area so I could be closer to my cancer doctor). I tried working as a life coach but many of the clients I was picking up online did not go through or they were in need of an actual therapist. Should I wait till I am older? Or take that as a sign that I am not right for the job? I mean I generally enjoyed doing it and helping people through complex problems. I am also thinking about starting to invest money. I have no idea if it is a good idea or a conscious idea. I am not looking for a get rich quick scheme. But I know inflation is a thing. I bought a tiny bit of crypto to see what it was like. But honestly, something about just feels kinda wrong,. Notes and Gratitude I know I am smart, creative and competent. I just don’t know if I have a marketing problem or what. The last few years I tried thinking of starting a business but I literally have not come up with anything that feels worth doing. I kinda just want to work a few different jobs and have time for my projects. I’ve been thinking about making a video game that is like a turn based rpg but there is no combat, Instead, you use different “love spells” and objects to free these beings from fear. I started making the game in Bayblon.Js. But still not sure if it is worth the time or energy. If you need me to expand on anything please let me know. Also, I wanted to say thank you again to Leo for having this forum. It has helped keep me sane through these difficult times. The political sections on here have been very informative and helpful in understanding our current situation. I am a patron of the channel. But I prefer to be a silent supporter. I don't want to give up nor falter under pressure. Really how can I/we make it out of this with our souls and innocence intact? With much love and respect -Luke
  6. Congrats man! I've been happily subscribed for five years. It has been awesome to grow along. It helped me find the courage to find the truth and love within. And for that, I am forever grateful. I feel that I understand spirituality very well on my own. But what I love about the new content is the integration and synthesizes of many areas of life. There is still much I don't know and learning is always a joy. This channel is a beautiful work of art. I wish you the best now and forever!
  7. Honestly, all I would like to know is what is the wildest thing you have experienced while tripping?
  8. @Recursoinominado Well, first I would say that there is no game to "win". The divine will never think of you as a failure, and you have all of the time and space to eventually come to the realization of it. It can feel like life is a game. But it is more like a beautiful dance and or song. You can also think of it as an organic system growing and exploring all paths for the supreme joy of it. I can't take full credit nor retrace my steps to where I am. It is a very individual process. Before I was diagnosed with cancer I was still fairly aware and had many mystical experiences. But none that never lasted and went as deep. It was as if life gave me two options. Open to the love of God, or spin-off into darkness and madness. So, I chose to take full responsibility for my life and that began once I stopped being the "amature life coach" in my head. I placed my hand my heart every day and for an hour two I would tell myself "I love you" "I am here for you, I will always be here for you". I went from subtly hating myself to falling in love with myself. As a gay man, I found that to be so relieving as well. I didn't realize I was running away from so much until that happened. Otherwise, I recommend you find teachers and or books that talk about love in this manner. If it comes from love than it has the very high potential of being beneficial. Nowadays I don't read books on spirituality or listen to teachers. I sometimes listen to Acutalized.Org when Leo has a new video. It's an old habit, a familiar voice, but really nothing I not heard before. Matt Kahn is one of my favorites too. In terms of my meditation routine. Well, I have found if you make it an absolute mandatory thing it loses the joy of it. I don't have a set time. I meditate when I feel like it. Either a few shorts 20 - 30 sessions throughout the day. Or a longer hour-long session. But I also spend time blessing the world and finding things to be grateful for. I am proactive in keeping the love strong in me. The divine within you knows what you need to do. Trust yourself more. The more soft and gentle you become the easier your ego will surrender into the love. When I look onto the world I don't see evil and nonsensical chaos. I see innocent gods who have forgotten their home (and probably for their own purposes) coming together looking for the love that they are and finding ways to express that and share it. Could you begin to see yourself in such a pure way?
  9. Hello everyone. I just graduated from college, started my spiritual/life coaching business (built and designed the website myself), and I am halfway done with an album. I wanted to share with you how my life has changed after the really intense awakening experience I had last year. I was meditating (not on any drugs) and I became conscious of my fear of being God/Divinty (or being infinite). I was able to move past that fear and after I did that a brilliant white light overtook me and I found myself again a while later. I could not speak for an hour or so. My mouth just hanged open. Also, little interesting face, I actually orgasmed too which was freaky. I felt like the divine had come down and "screwed me out of existence". Kind of me reminds me of a peak of a mushroom trip. You feel it coming slow and hard and then it kills you and you drown in beauty. My body felt so free and loose. After that meditation become so powerful. Every time I would site down I would die lol. I had to stop for a little bit actually. Now I am back to it and it is fine. For a few months after that, I was in such a blissful state. I could see everyone's aura all the time. I had a smile on my face all the time. Until I went through cancer surgery and then a week after that had to finish my last year of school, as well go through radiation. But through all of that, I felt so much love and compassion. I cry every day or every other day tears of thankfulness and I drown in the beauty. It is really so hard to describe. I know on such a deep level all I want is to be in union with God or the divine. I want to share this with you. Who I have become has surprised me so much. I think you will too once you explore the power of love. I thought after a while the feeling would go away. But there is still that warm glow with me all the time. Now, this didn't just happen to me. I knew about something called Godhead since I was 13 and I have in many ways dedicated my life to finding that. And it was better than I could have ever imagined it be. So, please don't give up. Please keep going forward on your path. It is so worth it. The divine loves you more than you could ever imagine. You may not even be able to handle how the divine loves you. This is all I have to say. I will be going my own way now. My inner guidance so loud now I can't ignore it. I found what I was looking for and now I spend every day making the connection stronger and find a way to help others reclaim their space in the eternal kingdom of love in all of our heats. Also, just for fun, I attached an image that has pics of me from my senior year of high school to senior year of college. I found Actualized.Org late in 2015. I lost 100 lbs, quit smoking (only smoked for a year, my parents did too, so..), got laid (a lot lol), and had a good time otherwise. I am just here to share my love and gratitude. I don't get anything more special or profound to say. Other than you are worth all of the pain and suffering to bring this about in your life. The reality of love is so good that it will make you weep. It will complete your life and you can die happy. Thank you!
  10. It was late 2015. I just started college. I went to the college counseling service for depression and they put me on Prozac and I was seeing a well-meaning but terrible counselor. While I was home for Christmas break I found his video on depression. I remember watching and deciding that no matter what I am going to tackle this issue head-on. From there I lost 100 lbs, quit smoking, cleaned up my diet, practically changed myself completely. I could not even imagine being where I am today without finding that one video. Though he was not the only self-help person I was looking into at that time. I was also watching Thomas Frank who helped me develop my study habits and become a great student. But Leo helped me with the deeper structural issues. I will also say Leo helped me find a new path in spirituality. Though spirituality has been a thing for me since I was young he helped me really make sense of what was going on with me, and pursue it in a less dogmatic way.
  11. It really depends on what kind you are doing and how you are doing it. Are smoking or vaping DMT or something else? Are you plugging it? Are you taking mushrooms? If so how much? (For your first dose I recommend at least an eighth ~2.5g). Are you absolutely sure what you are taking and the exact amount you are taking? Have you read trip reports? Do you know what to expect from the substance? For me, I have always done them alone. The few times I have done them with a person it just takes away from the experience. However, it might not be a bad idea to tell a friend what you are doing. Just have someone you could reach out to if you need to be calmed down.
  12. I have done most of my self-actualization work while at college. The important thing is to start slow and steady. Try to build healthy habits that encourage your work. The important thing is trying to develop emotional mastery. Use each class as a chance to do so. You can sit in class and be as mindful as possible and try to soak in what is going on. You can spend your off time meditating and working out. I would also say developing a visioning habit would be good. Keep a journal and self reflect on your life and the world. You could also try to connect your learning to a bigger picture. Try to take what the teachers give you and understand it deeper and broader. Connect it to history science, spirituality, psychology, biology, and so on. It is really about your attitude. Don't strive for the best grades, strive for the deepest understanding and mastery. Hey if you get a B in a class but you understand the material on a deep level then I say it is worth it. What I also feel is important is starting to learn who you are. Later in life, you can focus on what you are more. But learn about your personality, your triggers, your pain, your passions, what moves you, what fills your heart, and so on. Try to understand yourself as much as possible. While at the same time learn to love yourself as much as possible. This makes doing assignments so much easier. You can be calm and gentle with yourself rather than beating yourself up to do the work. I wish you the best for your journey ahead. May you be blessed.
  13. As someone who was bullied. Called words like "fa*****" and so on. Eventually, you become numb to it. You will see that it is not about you. It is really about the other person. How they see you. How you are not meeting their needs. How you are not reinforcing their worldview. Or how you are actually scaring them. Once you see someone who is so upset at you and you see that they are just afraid you will have compassion for them. No matter what they do or so. "it's okay. Take what you need. Make me bleed. You're just afraid. " I'm not advocating being in an abusive relationship or anything. Take care of yourself. Stand up for yourself. But you don't have to get wrapped up in it.
  14. @Wisebaxter I'm happy that this post helped you. @Dinsdale I think you might just be a troll. But that is fine. Do what you will. Say what you must. You had very little control into becoming who you are. But maybe you will see there is something bigger to be had here. Still, always think for yourself. But turn this analysis onto yourself. I don't think this post will make sense to a lot of people. I think you must be a certain point in the journey. It's about developing a healthy level of detachment. I had to almost lose my life several times to really understand this. At that point, you realize no one can save you emotionally but yourself.
  15. @zeroISinfinity I would be careful to assume where Leo is on his journey. I am very hesitant to call him anything like a messiah. Not because he has not reached high levels of conciouness. But on the basis of feeling "less" than him, and maybe giving your power away to him (which I am sure he would try to give back). I have much respect for him still. Simply because the techniques he has shared with me have worked in my own life. He was not my savior. It was my willingness to try out what he was talking about that was. Still, I am grateful for all the work he has done. He is not the second coming of Christ. He is a reminder that we are all Christ. I feel that this post that I have made was more to clear up ideas around what cosmic love looks like and how to love in the best way. This was not an invitation to not to care. I pray for the world every day. From the moment I wake up until I go to bed I am blessings everyone and everything. But not because I believe we are in Hell and need salvation. But because I want to be a reminder that we are in heaven and everything is going to be okay. I feel tremendous joy and love doing what I do. Which is contrary to the feeling that you might have when you feel that the world needs to be saved. That is also not demanding to feel no empathy or sympathy for other people. Many times I have cried for the pain of others. If I see someone who is suffering deeply as I walk down the street my heart feels with sorrow, I might shed a few tears, and wish them all the joy and love in the world. And that to me is a gift that they provide. Everyone is important and provides a tremendous gift just by their mere existence here.