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You're right, it's not inhumane but I feel that there is a somewhat perverse approach to non-duality that is a misinterpretation (at least through the eyes of beings that are living in duality and are prone to suffering). I feel resonant with this because I used to be somewhat brainwashed into this way of thinking... and it just results in egoic cycles (egoic in this sense as a sense of self importance or knowing, rather than a softer, open and compassionate world view). What wisdom is it to bypass acknowledgement of suffering because we are all part of the same source? It makes sense, sure, but we are all in this game together, all at different levels, and the way some of these non-dual approaches come across seem to take the vibe of 'just snap out of it'. Just to add to what you've said... myself I can experience very painful emotions very blissfully, if I so choose to. It is occasionally offensive and horrifying to my ego but it is possible, and the deeper or more intense the pain, the more bliss and pleasure arises from the experience. This being said... I do not wish to continue on in a regular state of pain just because this is the almighty plan. I believe there is an end to this pain once the experience has been had in totality. If this is bullshit please let me know so I can end it sooner (lol). But yeah... on the 'lowering our consciousness to hurt each other'. Sure... this is what I'm talking about and is something that seems to be missed by some (ie that war is just love because we are all one source etc). It's a view, but not one that seems to be of service to all. Whilst it is technically true, I don't believe that it is a true representation of a consciously evolved society, which sounds like what you're saying anyway. Overall I am just trying to touch on this potentially distorted view of non-duality that some seem to have. This view differs greatly from say that of Saiva Tantra (which is a beautifully rich philosophy).

I feel like you want a quick fix like right now. But life's an experiment, as Leo has emphasized it over and over again. Everyone is a unique puzzle. "Follow your bliss" is the right way. But there's no "fixed bliss" or "the best route to that bliss". Leo's videos, Life Purpose Course, coaching, I tried them all. Not a single one has solved my problems. I felt really frustrated at one point. Like what you said "I'm just not good at life." I felt the same thing. But on looking back, each of these tryings gave me a small nudge to my bliss. For this I'm very grateful. Even God doesn't know everything. God has created these opposing perspectives to know itself. So, confusion is part of the journey. We may suffer from it. But God enjoys it all. This perspective always gives me relief when I feel lost and anxious. Hope you can find some enjoyment in trying out different things even though they do not turn out to be your bliss.

DISCLAIMER: I had no intention initially of writing this trip report, but I just had to because of how interesting it was, and for personal documentation reasons too. This post is admittedly crazy, outlandish, bizarre and just plain weird. And I don't want this to start a non duality war. I also don't want this post to invoke judgement on the 'electrobeam' physical avatar (it will happen anyway by God's design (how else is duality possible ) , but I'm just pointing out my intention is not to troll or invoke such a response). I fully appreciate and embrace anyone who believes I'm deluded, crazy, zen devil, etc. I love you all and embrace all opinions that may come of this. I almost know nearly no one will resonate with what I'm about to write here. Maybe one or 2 yogis out in the jungle somewhere. But this post might strike a chord in 1 or 2 of you. Who knows and lets see. Why I wrote this Trip Report During the trip, I wasn't that surprised or valued this trip with any importance. In a weird way, everything that was happening was just normal. After coming down though and reflecting on it again, I just went "hold on, that was actually insanely crazy" I started to feel the significance of what just happened. I felt absolutely no significance, no surprise, at all during the trip. Absolutely no reason to feel alarmed. I even talked to people around me completely normally, and talked to them genuinely with what I was becoming conscious of as if its a normal talking point with people. But afterwards I went "what in the hell was that???". And I regretted sounding like an unusual guy to my flatmate. I was extremely shocked. This humbled me on the come down. And here I am, recording it. Also I dont claim to be enlightened(far far far from it), but I will use enlightenment terms to help with explanation. Intention for the trip So I awoke to infinite love some time ago, and after that I saw the universe completely differently. I basically realized that all suffering, evilness, etc was actually designed to give me a massive loving awakening. It was all done out of love. Just imagine your mum said "sorry I can only give you 20 bucks for your 21st birthday" and then you chastise her, attack her, then on your birthday she said "just joking! I actually gave you a million dollars!" And you find out later that she gave you that million through working 90 hours a week. Can you see how lowering your expectations by saying she can only give you a little, is actually better than if she said "i will give you a million dollars on your 21st birthday"? By lowering your expectations, when you actually get the gift, its a massive gift. Well thats why god invented world war 2, trump, etc. Because he's lowering your expectations so that when you do realize infinite love, you get extremely excited. That's why there's so much self deception, it all increases your surprise. And people on here asking "why is there torture, rape, etc" is like the child chastising her mum saying "why do you only give me 50 bucks for my 21st? You horrible mum!". And how would you feel once you realised that all those judgements of trump was like you chastising that mother? Once you realised trump was you? How sorry would you feel? Knowing all those judgements you did was pure stupidity and ignorance? So for the san pedro trip, I wanted to repent all my sins (all my judgements and hatred) because I felt so fucken ignorant, sad, arrogant and stupid for judging God, myself. And also my intention for this san pedro trip was to simply ask God for how to embody and live a life fully immersed in infinite love. BUT I'm not your typical seeker, I'm extremely/radically open minded, and I'm an extremely curious seeker that loves to 'understand'. I love omnipresence. Absolutely love it. A scientist's/INTPs dream is 100% omnipresence. Its philosophical nirvana. That's what us scientists get wet dreams over. We aren't like other seekers that just want to feel happy, or get over suffering, or just care about feeling good all day. We want to 'KNOW', 'UNDERSTAND' we aren't just satisfied with feeling good, we want to consciously know what's going on here. We want to go meta, again and again and again and again for absolutely no reason at all except because we are curious. And so, I had my intentions for the san pedro trip, but honestly, God decided to reveal some juicy secrets instead, so I just went for that. Drinking San Pedro I drank 30cm of san pedro juice I made up (getting pretty good at this brewing shit now, also my body must be getting use to san pedro because it didnt vomit this time, woohoo!) Trip Report - All the normal stuff that most teachers on here would agree with I think So I came up extremely slowly. Again just like the other san pedro trip report I did a while ago, I did not realise how high I was getting. I was getting waaay higher than I noticed. For me I thought what was happening was just a slight buzz. Nothing serious. Infact I was convinced I did the brew wrong, and I microdosed on this stuff (until later ). So I started questioning, how do I completely eliminate all hatred and judgement so that I can be infinite love all the time. Because I'm 2000% aware that I'm jumping from 1 to 2 and back to 1 again, and I'm doing that due to hatred and judgement. Once judgement and hatred is gone, and I embrace everything, that's it! Game over boiiis! I won! But then of course, being the highly meta, and scientific/INTP mind that I am, I jumped to questioning "wait, why am I even trying to eliminate judgment and hatred all together?". Like a curious question I've had for a while is, why did I, God, jump to duality in the first place. And then I became aware of the play. How we are all actors just pretending. The level of pretending that I became conscious of was insane. We pretend so much that its incredible. Matt Khan is pretending to be a spiritual teacher, that's the level. He's so conscious yet he's still pretending. And of course he isn't actually there and there are no 'others' but what I'm saying is God is capable of pretending to such an extent, that you could be as deeply enlightened as Ramana or Matt Khan and you'd still be pretending. Those teachers aint free of pretending, trust me. They get sucked into the thought story of being a teacher, and don't even realise they are getting sucked into that thought story. You can be deeply enlightened and yet still dogmatic and still believe in stuff and confuse truth for falsehood. This is how insanely large self deception is. Its unbelievable. I became aware of all of my lies (and this was necessary for repenting my sins of judgement and hatred). I had to let go of all lives to fully surrender to god. Then I became conscious for the first time of True omnipresence. I felt exactly, ex-act-fucken-leeee why everything was the way it is (and there is a ridiculously mind twisted answer below in the "off the deep end" section) but for now lets just say that I became aware that God knows everything about me, and before reincarnating as me, he knew exactly what was going to happen to me. Every single bit. He knows why I suck at meditation, COVID-19, my reincarnations of past lives, every-fucken-thing. Because the Godhead is a land where you know fucken everything. Its insane. And so when you think you're struggling with meditation and it sucks, and how everyone is better than you, or some other hardship, God KNEW all of that precisely! (to the nearest millimetre, nanosecond, micro moment, including the devilry) before deciding to reincarnate as you. Like in ego consciousness, it really feels like you're here for the first time, and God's doing something new and your the first. That's true. BUT! At the exact same time, God also knew everything that was about to happen. Its sort of like, imagine genes are the Godhead and the phenotypes are your life. Yes the phenotype is happening for the first time, But you knew everything that was gonna happen from the genes, just the knowledge from the genes is different to the experience of the actual phenotype though. So that's sort of what omnipresence is like, you dont experience everything but you fucken KNOW! The image I had of omnipresence was heaps of clouds out in the sky, and a dragon flying through it just looking down. Don't know why but there ya go. I decided to go for a walk because I was convinced I took a microdose and whats the worst that could happen (should have learnt my lesson from the last san pedro trip I did, but I'm God's son, so not learning my lesson is in my genes ) And again, just like the last san pedro trip, I didn't wake up, here I am 100% conscious as God. Just happened without realising it. No ego death, just here it is. And see at this point this is where doing trips to better or improve your life or spirituality goals starts to break down, because once you're fully conscious that everything is God's plan, you realise all your deficiencies are God's plan too. Even what I'm writing now, God knew all of this before reincarnating as me. And so improving spirituality from that state of consciousness doesn't make sense, because its already perfect. Your failure is perfect. At that point its just like, everything is already done. There's nothing to do, or improve on. And you realise, you entering this trip with an intention is itself a persona. Like you've got an intention because you're an actor pretending you're going through a spiritual journey that isn't actually there. But once you take the acting clothes off, there goes your intention. There goes everything. The intention's meaning requires acting as a basis for it to make sense. And so at this point its like, ok well, I'm at the beginning, where I'm trying to arrive at. Now there's no need for an intention...... now what? (meanwhile nearly got hit by a car because I stopped in the middle of the road just to recognise what's going on... oh the irony of being highly micro and macro at the same time) But then consciousness changed its tune. No, I'm gonna pretend again. And when I pretend, we need to change. I need more love. This story has gone through too much suffering, and not enough love, and the story's course needs to balance back to love again. And then I remembered total 100% omnipresence and perfectness. But then I went I know! But I need more love! That's gotta happen! Then God reminded me of 'the beginning'. Where I was before this entire, multi incarnation, multi universe world began. And reminded me that, you've known infinite love all your life. For eternity. This dualistic world you're in now, its new. Its never happened before. And that's amazing. Instead of rushing to where you were when you began, enjoy what this world has to offer. Trip Report: Off the Deep End: This is where I'd imagine the teachers on here reading this like wtf?? Insanity started here (if it didnt already hahahaha) Like stop rushing, and appreciate duality and form. Duality and form is a gift. Its not horrible. Its a gift. And I resonated with that godly message to a certain level, because this world is beautiful, and I am rushing too much to the enlightenment finish line, without enjoying the process. But honestly, from God consciousness, from a non dualistic standpoint, I rejected it. For the first time I witnessed God rejecting his own advice. Saying no to it. I said (extremely sincerely and genuinely and deeply) (as God) I know but, its not fun anymore. What's the point if its not fun? Its getting boring. Its getting too suffering intensive. I want a change to this world. Then an extremely subtle "snap!!!" happened in my brain. So subtle that the devil tried to cover it up. But it felt like I had just communicated my sincere plea for help, for love, to an extremely alien form of my higher self/God. Ridiculously alien. Expressing a need for change to the story I'm pretending to be in. And this is where things start getting trippy. Mind you, during the trip I thought all of this was completely normal. Only after the comedown when I remembered all this did I go, what is the actual fuck was all that about? So God said to himself in a monologue (as I AM God) "you really reject this dualistic life? You're seriously fed up with it? Its seriously not quenching your thirst?" And I thought about that, and honestly the answer was "yes". If I'm extremely honest with myself. I don't give a fuck about being a spiritual teacher, helping others, engaging with anyone in this world, all I want to do is know thyself. I'm super curious, and just want to know what the truly fuck is truly going on. I dont want bliss, or even love suprisingly, I just want to KNOW. To be as One as possible. Fuck the world. (this is in god consciousness, depression and human disorders are so long gone by this point I can't explain. So this is God saying it, not depressed electrobeam). Then God said "if you truly want to know all this stuff, then there's only 1 way". "what is that?" Then I got shown shit that I remembered. It didnt suprise me at all(until I came down). I remember this very very well. I knew this before the big journey. God showed me what true awakening is and said "all of your questions wont be answered, and what you truly want wont be discovered, until you truly awaken. There's absolutely no way to know the answers to your questions without 100% awakening" And what's the cost of 100% awakening? Completely and utterly forgetting everything that happened. Like completely forgetting when you were born, where you were born, your reincarnation's births, dmt machine elf incarnation births, your parents, the entire massive journey. Full on Universal Mind dementia. You'll know exactly what you want to know, but you'll need to completely forget your life to truly get the answer. Complete dissociation and never ever remembering it again, you wont even know this life happened. You (god mind you hahahaha, like the highest of the highest) wont even have a slight clue whether this journey happened or not. (like thats insane). And I went "hmmm that's right, I totally forgot about that" (now that seems insane but yes that happened hahahah; because im a good pretender. lets be real). So there I was walking around the park, contemplating (as God) whether I should completely and utterly wipe out this entire universe and multiverses to merge with True infinite love. Completely forget. And I walked back inside to take a sit on my sofa, because, you know, this is a pretty big decision, I need to think this through. and my flatmate asked if I was feeling ok, and I said "yeah I think I screwed up the brew because I don't feel anything". And I said that genuinely, I literally didn't feel like this san pedro did anything except for a slight buzz. But then I remembered I'm contemplating whether I'm gonna wipe out the entire universe. So I said "actually, I'm contemplating wiping out the entire universe, so maybe it did have an effect". But then from this level of consciousness, psychedelics are completely and utterly imaginary and everything is happening because of God, got absolutely nothing to do with psychedelics. So I'm like, wtf this is weird, I dont usually act like this off psychedelics, but at the same time psychedelics are completely imaginary, wtf... I'll come to that another day if I dont choose to wipe it out. The Absolute/Final/Total: Not Infinite Love, but infinity itself!!!! Mindfuck, radical open mindedness alert woo woo. I don't mean to offend anyone, but through the process of contemplating True awakening. I became conscious that all of my awakenings (no self, infinite love, everything/nothing, intelligence) were all just 1 dimensional, or all just apart of the matrix! Like I became conscious that the next big journey CAN and possibly WILL journey towards God completely differently to all of my awakening experiences. Like there are infinite different types of awakenings. And all of my awakenings were just 1 fucken type. Like I mean, non duality, and wave in the ocean, its all just 1 type of being. Non duality is just 1 type of being out of an infinite number of beings(at the same level of consciousness. Of course there's lots of types of beings, but I'm saying there's an infinite number of beings with the same level of consciousness as non duality), used to journey towards God. non duality is just a tiny sand spec in the beach. I've experienced infinite love, non duality many many many times before. I know those states very very well. I'm not confusing non duality for something else. I mean it when I say non duality is just 1 type of being, and there are completely different "big journeys" that probably happened in the past that uses completely different types of being equivalent to non duality but completely different. And of course, I had to ask the question. What's infinite love? Is it final? Is it absolute? And God made it clear, to truly know, I need to merge into infinite love and completely forget everything about this big journey. Even forget that non duality is a fucken thing! Because when I truly forget, even non duality wont exist. True awakening is beyond non duality, and the next being might be equivalent to non duality in terms of states of consciousness, but it will be completely different. And this sort of realisation of forgetting, made me realise, that Love also, is just 1 type of being. Its just 1 type of the highest state of consciousness. There are infinite states of Being equivalent to Love, but different! In other words, each big journey uses an equivalent state of consciousness, but one that is completely different to Love. But for you to realise those different states, you need to completely wipe out this big journey and completely forget and dissociate from it. What is God really? But see this is the thing, what is god really? God is pure unlimited-ness. Its not divisions, or energy or even fucken Love. Its pure, utter pure, unlimitedness. Like Ramana Maharshi is 0% aware of how blank the canvas really fucken is. Its extremely blank. The canvas isn't fundamentally made of love, no, no, no. You haven't reached the highest awakening if you're not aware of that. That canvas is made of pure unlimitedness. You can dream up any fucken thing, so much that its terrifying. That's what God is. Its not Infinite Love, that's not final. I know that sounds off, but I know 10000%, Infinite Love is not final. Final/Absolute is pure unlimitedness. Pure dream up whatever the fuck you want. Yes God ultimately wants to merge with itself, to unite with itself, and it does a dance between duality and non duality, but keep in mind, that's not what God ultimately is, beyond that is pure unlimitedness. That's what God actually is behind the scenes. And at this point of the trip, God started sweating a little. Because he just remembered what he actually is, and its terrifying. Electrobeam was fine. He was high, happy, low heart beat. But God was having a bit of an existential crisis. And God wasn't surprised, or shocked, God was like "oh thats right". And a bit of terror. At the fact that he's pure unlimitedness. Because the scary part is not that God is pure unlimitedness. God can do everything. Can dream up anything, but the terrorising part, is the fact that the one thing he can't do, is kill himself. Eradicate himself. Stop himself. You have no choice but to dream everything that you're capable of dreaming because you can't kill yourself. Holy fuck if that doesn't scare you, then I didn't imagine you and duality was real all along. Are you aware that your ability to create horror is unlimited? Youre a fucking supernova on repeat! And your job as God is to control yourself! Woah and I thought I had it tough doing my day job. What is Omnipresence really? Yeah we like to think that omnipresence is knowing stuff. unravelling stuff that's hidden. Omnipresence at the lower levels (in this dimension) is western science. Discovering microbes and stuff. The next level higher is awakenings, like everything and nothing. knowing what God actually is. The next level is revealing devilry and self deception, the next level is total omnipresence, knowing everything about why everything is the way it is... but that's not the highest... the highest level of omnipresence is, accepting, or being fully conscious that you created everything. Literally everything. I used the gene phenotype above in the normal section of my post about what 100% omnipresence feels like. The highest level of omnipresence is realising you made that entire thing up on the spot. You're so unlimited, your canvas is so empty, that everything you could be 100% omnipresent of, is there, not because God planned it, but because God created it on the fucken spot. god doesn't need to bend to any rules to make things appear. He doesn't have to plan. God doesn't have to plan the laws of physics. God is so unlimited, and his canvas is so empty, that he just makes it up on the spot. Your entire life, infinite love, waking up process, etc. Wasn't planned. God made it NOW, by saying "this is what I want NOW". Nothing else needed. Just now. Just this is it now. He doesn't even need intelligence, its beyond intelligence. Its pure unlimitedness. Everything that is to be omnipresent of, is literally just accepting that what you create is what is. In its purest form. And at this stage of the trip, I started questioning "wait, did I just create duality because I was worried about how unlimited I was and I needed to rein myself in?" I felt like God was a wild gorilla, and duality was the cage. Then further I questioned "did I just create infinite love just to rein myself in"? Because its 10000% clear to me that infinite love isnt final. Then I came down from the trip. And reflected on what happened and went wait, what the fuck? I failed to get takeaways for that one, I need to do more trips.

That is what enlighment/hapiness is. Just that. Understand that fear does not exist. What should you do to get enlightment/be in permanent bliss? Pursue fear. What is fear? Fear of death. All the others fears are derived from that. If you access and observe the final fear, wich is fear of death, you will see that "nothing bad happens", then you finally realize fear does not exist. Everything is good. You can do this right now. You don´t need years of meditation. Just open that door. Jump into the cold water. One day you realize, everthing was good since the begining, everything was always perfect, how fool you were trying to deal with that problems that didn´t even exist.

I believe I am well aware of my emotions. Aside from any major events, I could feel bliss at times during meditation. And sometimes I feel stress throughout life, but I remember to bring awareness onto it and it vanishes immediately. Major events may cause a lot of stress for me. Those are the ones I consider traumatizing. They usually are overwhelming and not located in a certain area. The minor stress I can easily locate, usually in my stomach area. I tried it now. I felt extremely faint sparks of love at first, especially when Leo was naming different memories. But they didn't last long. And when he started talking about magnifying the feeling, I lost track because there was nothing to magnify.

They don't want because his (mine too) ego rejects absolutely the idea of death, because ego is a software designed to survive, no more. All of us would like to see the bliss of God and the wonder of the conciousness, but the software is there. Without drugs it's an absolutely titanic work. With drugs....I'm in that, like you, but I don't think it's enlightenment, it's a glimpse of it. But it's million times better than nothing, of course. Good luck with that!

Follow your bliss, man.

Then get it done. If you know it will get you a step closer towards your bliss, don't prolong it. Now is the perfect time, despite the management issues. It costs you little to at least reveal the truth about the value. Simply by knowing what feels right, the solution will appear in a brighter light. Writing down your limiting beliefs is also a priceless part of the course. It comes after having a clear life purpose statement. Don't think I'm somehow perfect. Especially not about the monetary aspect of things. Value my authenticity advice more. Over the following years, I will inevitably struggle, too, to make my life purpose real. You are never alone.

That's what I thought. Fortunately, you are honest enough to rate it at 70%. You know very well why. Something from the past is bogging you up. There's a certain visualization in the course that takes you back in time, and it reveals the biggest lesson you have learned. If I were in your shoes, I would go through the exercise or alternatively practice forgiveness, and then I would reassess the value. If the wound heals and you still find the value meaningful, keep it. It will be positive. Otherwise, drop it. Drop it now. This is your top value. Your dearest one. The backlashes are there for a reason. Trust them. Listen to your body - does fear manifest, either in chest or stomach, when you just think about dropping freedom? It may be so. It's a defense mechanism. It is awesome you know this. You already do. The bliss is here. Think about it: If there didn't exist a blissful purpose right now, you wouldn't be seeking it. So listen closely. You already know what it is. I have found holotropic breathwork to be a great tool for assessing authenticity.

Feels true. However, I don't feel this software development path is my path. I want to follow my bliss.

Hello, actualizers. I wanted to share some of my day to day experiences with meditation, self-inquiry, self-reflection. More so i will elaborate on the feelings and cognitions that i usually feel. I have picked meditation habit on and off since 2015. The first year was very boring. It was so boring to sit even for 20 minutes and i often wondered whats the point. I was trying to push myself, so i can sit trough it. It was just plain suffering for some time, but i noticed, it had some quality, that it was worth the struggle. Then i somehow sat for an hour, when i was meditating. It wasn't blissful, it was quite peaceful. But really just that. I felt like my breathing were very natural and i was more aware of parts of my body and i feel more centered in my day to day activity. But i remembered at the end of the year 2015 i bought an inner engineering course by Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, and i for the first time felt that i can change something in my life and that life was somewhat in my hands, however i felt a feeling i will always remember. That was the feeling of suffering and not knowing why you are suffering. Looking back at that moment, now that i underestand reality more and more, that was something i don't even want to experience again. So some suicidal toughts, some very depressing and dark toughts came. So turned my head all the way towards spirituality at that time. I remember being so negative and occasionaly violent irrational toughts were flowing trough my head, and also a sense of anger, anger for feeling like i have to live in unhappy existence. So up to this point i still have somewhat of a desire to leave the body, (not suicide), not by hurting it, but consciously, there is acctually a funny story about that also. So i found Mooji's videos and whatever else guru's videos on the net. I practiced mooji's natrural noticing meditation religiously. Sometimes even up to 2 times a day, means 2 hours. Why did i do that? I felt absolutely miserable in my first job, which ironically is the same i am currently working now and externally its not much better. However the first thing i felt was a certain warmth lighting up in the region of my upper body. Then i started noticing that energies are real, there is such a thing as kundalini energy and what a chakra feels like. And soon after i noticed that my crown chakra has become loosely active. I could feel it pouring out warmth and bliss. Bliss is an actual feeling (chemistry in the body), almost like marihuana induced effect but sober. But my stomach was so hurting, it was almost like hurting from every worry and low self-worth pattern i held and entertained. And since i really wanted enlightenment but i was a mess, i suffered so much. But after a while it stabilized, it is still a struggle, however there is more and more bliss. And really all this time, the hardest thing for me is waking up and experiecing that bad feeling, so i have to catch up, but very soon after there is bliss. Then later after that i started to have mini-awakenings, having a change of habits, and feel so complete about death. However the experience i still unsustainable. Yes, i can really choose to feel into the moment, as it is the only truth realy, and that ability, my friends, i wouldn't give away for anything. Ever. Then i met and saw some psychics and now my view of life has changed completely. If i have to give description of what meditation does to you, firstly it makes you a different person much faster. Like you evolve your beliefs over your lifetime, with meditation, its almost like in 6 months time i am already feeling like a different person to what i used to be. Now there just is a choice to entertain certain toughts, or just let it flow and be exhausted. There is more presentness. Less sleep needed. Bliss all over the body. Peacefulness and non-violent feeling. Feeling of wanting to be responsible for your duties like work, because this is the easiest way, there is just less suffering if you are upfront and integrated into what you do. Feeling like time has less impact upon me. There are also awakenings in my sleep (no-dream void/infinity experience) besides the enlightenment glimpses in waking state. Also you are MUCH more inuitive and in clarity to see who you whould listen to. There is more gratitude also. However still, if i could leave this body and never come back, i wouldn't hesitate. I have tried to do that in my evening sittings... It does lead to an awakening of sorts but i am affraid to go too far, as i still kinda want to live here as i am. Weird indeed, how are your experiences?

"Anyone that says there's no price to this whole enlightenment thing, just joy and bliss, don't be quick to buy that." BUY, Adyashanti, don't buy the thing with no price? Did someone sneeze on the free cheese samples or something? I love the variety of spiritual teachings one can say to you and not be wrong, as you navigate these tantalizingly deceptive mystic mists of the psyche. When I was a kid, my parents took me to this cave park and I got lost in a cave and I figured no one knew I was lost or cared, so it never occurred to me that the guide speaking overhead was a park guide who was actually giving me instructions on how to get out. Had to find the way on my own. Huh, this post got too journaly and personal so I decided not to reply to the thread and post here. Then I accidentally posted there. What evs I guess, everyone here knows I'm crazy anyway.

"Anyone that says there's no price to this whole enlightenment thing, just joy and bliss, don't be quick to buy that." BUY, Adyashanti, don't buy the thing with no price? Did someone sneeze on the free cheese samples or something? I love the variety of spiritual teachings one can say to you and not be wrong, as you navigate these tantalizingly deceptive mystic mists of the psyche. When I was a kid, my parents took me to this cave park and I got lost in a cave and I figured no one knew I was lost or cared, so it never occurred to me that the guide speaking overhead was a park guide who was actually giving me instructions on how to get out. Had to find the way on my own.

Dear blankisomeone: Don't worry, From what I understand: Any intense suffering / Joy after it reaches a certain threshold will inevitably turn into enlightenment. The pressure of too much pain will squeeze your mind in ways, which in some way will definitely lead to enlightenment. It is literally impossible to eternally suffer and not get enlightened. The only difference will be the different thresholds for different people. Remember Eckhart Tolle? This is why you may last much longer in a heaven. But, lasting much longer in a hell is practically impossible. Infact, concentrating on intense pain as well as intense bliss / joy are listed as some of the methods among 114 to get enlightened in "Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra". Also, there are rituals to ensure the dead get into pleasant states of existence and do not enter into such unpleasant states. The best way to ensure this is to make them think about pleasant and lovable things during death. This may not be possible all the time. Thus, the rituals. E.g: Also, the fact that Brahman/Infinite Consciousness being infinitely potent that it can also have people in eternal hells, suffering forever, can also be realized to be true. But, unless prompted by some agency which already is in existence like you or me, by imagining and meditation or by the dead people imagining such a reality like a dream due to previous tendencies will not create such a reality. Suppose lets imagine we created such a reality by wishing to see eternal hells with people suffering in them. What would happen then? This is what would happen: Since every reality is like water seen in the mirage. Such realities like any other reality will appear to you initially, known only to you. The people you see in those hells suffering would have been projected within your own consciousness temporarily with make shift people with make shift stories about their past eternal actions and sufferings in make shift hells. If you ask them to tell their stories, they will tell some stories as if it had happened to them. But, all these stories will depend on the karmic and mental structure of you who is projecting them. Just like in dreams, based on our wakeful experiences, the dreams automatically constructs realities and make us experience them. We also do not consciously control every aspect of it. It automatically happens based on our mental and karmic structure we posses. Alternatively, If you are highly enlightened and and are very conscious; you may even have good control over such a projection. Being able to project exactly the way you want it to be. Those people who learn to lucid dream also control their dreams consciously. These people being projected only because of being prompted by your own intention and imagination to see such realities, these people do not posses any karma. As such, had no prior existence prior to you imagining them. They are practically without too much sense of a separate ego self. Just like an enlightened person loses the sense of self and feels like not existing, in a way; similarly these imaginary people are practically like enlightened, without any karma, only driven by the karma of the person projecting them through his imagination. But, since these people have no prior knowledge about enlightenment and don't have too much ego, they hardly are aware of such things and do not have their own likes and dislikes. They are practically like children or somewhat like zombies. But, are very well capable of acting and behaving they way the person imagining them to be. But, all of that would appear to you as very real(In a way, it really is). All those people and those hells and stories will only last as long as their projection lasts in your conciousness. Once the projection is over, everything is over. This is exactly what happens every night, even in our dreams. If such same imaginary projections happen to last for a while, either in mediation or in the minds of people who have died. Then those imaginary people on account of having repetitive experiences will start to develop a separate ego identity and will gain a strong separate individual presence and will go on reincarnating like any other egoic entity until spiritual wisdom dawns on them. This is why I keep urging people to have enough theoretical knowledge before diving into it practically. So that you can avoid such unnecessary fears. Please read this: https://estudantedavedanta.net/The-Supreme-Yoga-Swami-Venkatesananda.pdf Death - An Inside Story: A book for all those who shall die - Book by Sadhguru: https://www.google.com/books/edition/Death_An_Inside_Story/ydzQDwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover Also Bhagavad Gita.

Dear gswva, Once again: I'm not enlightened. My knowledge is only through the scriptures I read and videos that I watch online. It's very much possible my knowledge is flawed. Without enlightenment we can only speculate. Even with enlightenment, it seems there are various levels of enlightenment with different knowledge and more depth to such knowledge. Having understood this, we can only speculate. So, lets speculate: From my understanding, all the descriptions that we give about the Brahman are just that: Descriptions and Thoughts. Even the word Brahman is just a label and as such is just a thought. Neither can you say it exist, nor can you say it doesn't exist. It exists without existing. It is the pure absolute nothingness. So absolute in its emptiness that it becomes the very source of every unique thing. Yet, none of those things are different from it. They only exist in and as itself. The way we think and believe seems to be the way Brahman seem to appear to us(Just like the AI in the movie Captain Marvel). In Non-Dual Traditions: The same reality is experienced as nameless and formless but with all potential. In Bhakthi Traditions: Those who worship krishna report visiting krishna and his abode Goloka(Krishna's abode); those who worship shiva talk about their experiences of shiva; similarly the Devi(goddess) has been seen(e,g: Ramakrishna paramahamsa frequently talked with "kali devi"). Similarly, visiting heaven and christ in christianity; Egyptian gods in ancient egypt etc.. In which ever way we create our karma(Cause & Effect - Tendencies, Beliefs, Conditioning, Memories, Behaviours, etc). such seems to be our experience. Each of these worshipers actually experience reality as if their god is the one who created the entire reality and He/She/They/It is the one who is presiding over everything. Such gods actually show to their devotees through certain experiences how they are the alpha and omega of everything(Best e.g: Virat Rupa(Universal Form) of Krishna shown to Arjuna in the battlefield). During such experiences the devotees actually experience their deity to be anything and everything, with all the descriptions and experiences of non-dual liberation as well as dual liberations being present within their deity itself. Although the deity seen with a form, still at the same time being infinite; with everything present within themselves; Just like fractals although seem to have a limited form; after having zoomed in, will reveal infinite patterns with infinite depth. I'll give you just one example of how they experience their realities based on their belief: "In Gaudiya Vaishnava school of bhakthi(Devotional) tradition(ISKCON). Their deity is Krishna. They make a distinction between Material reality and Spiritual reality. Spiritual reality having many varieties of infinite realms all being completely perfect and eternal. Each realm has a certain form of Krishna presiding over that realm. There is no suffering in any of those realms whatsoever. All of them are filled only with blissful experiences. When they want to experience material reality they descend and have them and again return back to their own abodes. Anybody who develops devotion and worships Krishna believing the stories about him with full unconditional loving intensity; after getting liberation in bhakthi(Dual type liberation) and after giving up their physical body, they go to such places and stay there eternally(I doubt it being eternal - But, who knows) Then, Krishna also creates these Material reality where infinite universes are generated and dissolved again and again. Within each of which: material heavens, hells and earthly experiences are experienced according to the karma of the living entities with incarnation and reincarnation cycles going on again and again. until liberation happens. But, they say that all these material heavens and hells and earthly realms are all temporary and will get destroyed during universal dissolution. And all of them are born in a new universe and are placed in situations suitable for their karma. Also, enjoyment and suffering in earth, heaven or hellish realms are experienced only as long as the karma for such enjoyment or suffering lasts. As such, are only temporary. Karma keeps generating and doesn't run out as long as actions are done with attachment for material fruits. In this tradition, there were and still are very exalted enlightened beings who have experienced these realms/realities directly and written about them. These realities are not experienced as hallucinatory. The realities when being experienced are more profound and vivid than even our own earthly reality. In one such story, a sage during his meditation on his lord was experiencing such a realm and got his finger burnt in that realm. When he opened his eyes in our realm, his finger actually was burnt even in our realm(remember that scene in Matrix?)." The experiences mentioned above are only experienced as such by those who follow Gaudiya Vaishnava Tradition(ISKCON) which is just one sub-tradition within the vaishnava tradition within Hinduism. Like this, there are literally more than thousand of other traditions within Hinduism itself. There are 33 million gods in Hinduism it is said. Likewise, there are many different religions in other parts of the world each with their own belief and customs and traditions. Just like the e.g given above, all of them experience their LIFE based on how they create their own karma(Cause & Effect, tendencies, beliefs, conditioning, memories, behaviors, etc).. They experience their gods, heavens , hells and other such things, the way they imagined and believed. All of this is just like water in the mirage. As such you can say, it doesn't exist. But then, as some form of an imagination itself, all of it is real. Just like dreams when experienced are reacted-to-emotionally by the dreamer as being real as long as they are being experienced. Please read the sample screenshots of Yoga Vasishta from these posts first: Once you understand basics of how reality is constructed by reading the above mentioned posts, you'll understand that any reality is seen only within some mind(Jiva - Individuated atomic living entity). Just like dream world is seen within the dreamer's mind. Just as Imagination is seen within the mind of the one imagining it. There is no possibility of projecting any reality outside of a mind. Our reality is also one such reality projecting within some mind. That being the case, Every reality is only an imaginary one. Even the mind that projects it is also just a mirage. All of this duality with all its universes/realities within such minds is like a water seen in the mirage(Think of such minds as mirages and water seen in the mirages as the worlds seen in such minds). Both mirage and water seen in it are unreal. They exist without existing. Also if we assume everything is intelligently designed, afaik all "past lives" memories could be imaginary and unrelated to the actual mechanics consciousness shapes itself. I'm not denying reincarnation but I'm just saying it doesn't prove anything. Brahman and intention are incompatible with one another. It is not a personal entity. It is completely impersonal and formless. It is beyond intent and intellectualizing. There is nothing that can be said about it. Upon reaching it, all activity stops. No word or thought or imagination can touch it. It exists without existing. You are one with that Brahman they say.. A mere simple movement ( (metaphorical) which is natural and is a characteristic of Brahman; like movement of air is natural for the wind) in Brahman projects out infinite upon infinite of atomic Jiva(s)(Living entities with mind) into existence. The conscious intelligent design only happens(Not consciously happen in all of them) after the Jiva(s) have come into being within Brahman. Within the minds of those Jiva(s): world, rules and regulations, intelligence, logic all these things appear. These are NOT prior to the minds. For first appeared Primary Jiva(s), as well as secondary Jiva(s) - created within those Primary Jiva(s)'s minds; there is no karma initially. But, after acting as and within the world for some time; memories, tendencies, tastes, behavioral patterns, likes and dislikes, all of these are slowly acquired and they act as a repetitive compulsive cycles after a while, these patterns are what are called as vasanas and samskaras. These are collectively called as karma of that individual. As all the entities have such patterns, you can call it as collective karma of each of such groups. Just as when water flows upon land; creates a river bed by flowing continuously; and not able to change its path but to flow within the same riverbed after a while. Similarly, karma after creating some of it becomes a compulsive pattern, creating more and more which is hard to break. Just like a river without a riverbed disperses itself into all directions and ceases to exist as a river. Similarly, without karma, the individual will dissolve and cease to exist. Such dissolution is called liberation. Further Speculation: "Not all those Jiva(s) projecting such worlds within them are very intelligent. So these primitive, first order Jivas only project some dumb random, abstract, useless, not so sophisticated; not so very conscious reality within themselves. Initially they don't possess any knowledge whatsoever. After their death. After having gone through several cycles of interaction with other jivas through reincarnation in other jiva(s)'s universes as one of the living entities in those universes and having evolved into higher conscious states(through such interaction by natural evolution which happens randomly as well as driven by karma) as human beings or other such entities, they get more knowledge. These Jivas after their death in other Jiva's mental world/universe/realm might project very sophisticated universes within their own mind(Even during the lowly evolved states they may project some unsophisticated universes within themselves in some of the after-life cycles). Such projection may not happen within each after-life cycle; only when a compatible universe is not found for the karma that this jiva currently possesses that this Jiva may create such a projection. Even then it may simply wait in limbo for a compatible universe. Again, these projections either sophisticated or unsophisticated; may not be conscious ones. Just like our dreams are not experienced with lucidity with full consciousness of knowing them to be dreams. Similarly these projections may also happen unconsciously within themselves. Within these projected universes, there will be numerous Jiva(s) either reincarnated from other realities who have qualities which are compatible with this universe, or newly created ones without having had any karma before. These newly created jivas, can be directly human beings, deities, or any other such evolved beings which the jiva projecting the universe has previous knowledge of. These other jivas each further creating a universe within themselves in their after-life periods, with more jivas within them...with the cycle going ad-infinitum". As far as Reincarnation is concerned, since it happens only with-in the mirage like realities/universes, it also is just a type of illusory experiential cycle experienced in them. Although just an illusory experiential cycle, it does exist however as such; driven by karma. We do have strong evidence for that. As I already presented. You need to understand first that, even the universal mind which projects the world as well as the entities incarnate and reincarnate within it, both/all of them are bound by their karma. Although, if more conscious the Jiva becomes, more ability it has - to act with freedom/freewill with less influence from karma. Some Yogis/saints/sages may take the position of such universal mind and project some highly sophisticated realities/universes/realms. Such Universal minds(Jivas(s)) may be with almost absolute freedom(E.g: Krishna in Goloka - Such Jiva(s) are not called as Jiva(s) They are called Bhagawan-Supreme Gods and goddesses for those who worship them). The Abodes/Realities/Universes/Worlds/Heavens what ever you want to call it; created by such Bhagawan/God like entities who have attained very highly unimaginable levels of consciousness/awareness are the worlds where suffering and reincarnation doesn't exist. Whether these worlds exist eternally or not I don't know. It may be a possibility, but I'm not sure. There may be infinite such worlds with varying degrees of sophistication. Depending upon the consciousness prevailing in any reality, reincarnation may or may not be a fact in that reality. May be even in our own realities, not every one reincarnate. I don't know how it works. What I do know is: Karma is what drives reincarnation or any other experience as an individuated entity. Having understood all of this clearly. Keeping the example of Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition in mind. If we think about each of the models you have presented, Even though you have presented them as if each of your models encompass all of absolute existence. Still it is possible to reduce them into different possible realities and it is easily possible that each of those models of reality may be truly be experienced in some of those universes/realities in some of those minds imagining/creating them. Even if such realities doesn't exist anywhere now, they can still be created by imagining them in a certain state of mind, either through Meditation(like mentioned in Yoga Vasishta) or even after Physical Death by keeping on intensely imagining them again and again in your living time now. So, scriptures say that In what ever state of mind you leave your body, during death, that state you'll attain without fail. This is just like how we dream at night about those things which we intensely contemplated in our waking state. Also, you'll only experience those realities and experiences, about which you have knowledge of or atleast related to your mental and karmic structure as a natural progression of your karma. Absolutely random experiences may be a very rare phenomenon. What I meant is if everything is created before merging together or if nothing splits itself until it finds itself again Not necessary for all of creations to merge before other cycle of creations emerge. Infinite creations are keeping on emerging and dissolving infinitely in infinite minds simultaneously. This cycle never stops. Such is the nature of Brahman - Just like breathing is the nature of a human being. Having said that, this is only from the view given in the book:Yoga Vasishta. But, this also depends on your beliefs and world view. Remember: that you only experience what your mental structure believes and allows. The video posted above of Rupert Spira has somewhat a good explanation. For this very reason some people may remember some other people's experiences & memories as their own(As one can read somewhat similar experiences in Yoga Vasishta). But, he seems to assume all the individuated entities as loosely bound with loose covering. But, It is only true for certain individuals in certain states of karma and for certain periods and types of disembodiment. After death, it seems; generally the individuated entities are tightly bound with remaining 4 layers(more like aspects than layers) of coverings mostly intact which I have mentioned in my previous posts. Because of this, these entities acquiring the karmas and memories of other's may be rare. The obscure thing to me is what happens after the state of oneness and how would you know that. If it's empty/void awareness, or non-individualized infinite creation. In the first case, form = fear, duality directly yields the illusion of ego. In the latter case, form =/= fear, ego is not necessary to the awareness of anything. We also need to know if we can split ourselves again or not. May be we need to experience Non-Dual enlightenment to understand this. "Ramakrishna Paramahamsa" has said that merging into brahman is like a salt doll walking into the ocean. After merging with the ocean there is no coming back. Seems like all non dual scriptures say the same thing. I haven't studied all of them though. May be those who suffer too much choose to dissolve when such an opportunity presents itself. Whereas, those who improve more and more through their effort gain new heights of awareness and consciousness creating their own realities and living in it with full bliss eternally(? - I'm not sure). Sadhguru says in his book that there is no need to keep extending the individuation as every kind of universe has same fundamental structures. But, I don't agree with it. If it has no value; then, why are others creating such realities and keeping their individuation. He himself admitted that he doesn't have much scriptural knowledge. Maybe, too much confidence in one's own ability without proper theoretical knowledge may create such illusions. Also, as I mentioned already, you can only experience those experiences you believe and have knowledge about. Interestingly in the Gaudiya vaishnava tradition, although some of them say that such merging is a permanent suicide. Others say that even attaining liberation through merging with brahman is useless because it is only temporary and after a while they again fall down from that position. May be in this situation is where Rupert Spira's explanation may make sense, because during merging with Brahman there are no coverings and all those layers are completely dismantled. So the memories, tendencies and karma of all the merged individuals remain in the reservoir of Brahman and some of the newly created entities in the universes are created with the template of combination of already existing karmas and experiences from the Brahman reservoir and their individual constitution is made in such a way, that each of those newly created individuals are perfectly compatible with the universal mind which is imagining them according to its karma, For those individuals where such combination is not immediately available, maybe only they are created freshly without any karma. Maybe because the newly created individuals in this manner are not entirely uniquely their own selves as they previously were, it is for this reason that it may have been said that: once merged, its finished. It may also be possible that some or all of these merged entities when there is a compatible universe exists, each of these entire entities is brought back with the same configuration. And as such experience themselves as same persons they were before in one of their previous incarnations. The above cases makes sense because it is said that by doing samyama any information can be retrieved that one wishes to retrieve. It would only be possible if all the information is stored permanently somewhere. It is also possible that only information is permanent and not the individuals themselves with all their karmic configurations. Above all, it is also highly possible that each of these cases is possible in some versions of cultural realities whose cultures imagine realities in such different manners mentioned above. Absolutely anything seems to be possible(Both Possibility as well as Impossibility). In order to get proper understanding of reality, you have to read both of these books completely: (Even then you may not understand everything, But will definitely improve your knowledge) Please read this book(Yoga Vasishta) without skipping anything: https://estudantedavedanta.net/The-Supreme-Yoga-Swami-Venkatesananda.pdf Death - An Inside Story: A book for all those who shall die Book by Sadhguru: https://www.google.com/books/edition/Death_An_Inside_Story/ydzQDwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover

Even the author there said he was in heavenly stages, Bliss and he fell into the void to finalize his awakening. Running away from bliss into nothingness what curious creatures we are.

I hope I'm not getting affected in long term. I already forgot but I saw, and it's going to appear again. I hope Leo or the experience people here could help me. I'm not scared to do it again 1000 times because nothing could be worse, and maybe, next time I could see any life, anything in that horrible void. I'm criying because I can't escape. My mind is telling: don't worry, sure it's normal and if you go further you will see the bliss...but I saw the last last nothing, empty, and was dead, was ....only nothing....like sad, no escape, can't explain

@Stakres "Areas you want to work on", and your milestones sounds way too serious and heavy in my opinion. Lighten it up, make it fun with no end goal or objective. Start small, really small. Look up an old song you love but haven't heard in years, or an old web comic. Buy a treat at the grocery store you wouldn't think to buy for yourself. That sort of thing, get creative and got by the feeling of what really lights you up. What's crazy is watching how the way to the big stuff unravels and becomes clear from the smallest things. What matters is that you follow your heart and follow your bliss. Discounting the little stuff in life is a way we sneakily discount our very selves.

It's counter-intuitive: the chasing of bliss is the very thing which prevents it. Bliss is a consequence of fully facing one's fear and not needing to manipulate your experience. It's problematic to be doing psychedelics with the expectation of bliss. I would drop that expectation and instead aim for Truth and understanding. Bliss is the fruit off the tree of understanding. Focus on watering the roots of your tree rather than jumping like a thirsty monkey at the unripened green fruits.

@Leo Gura I thought was that after shot in the face you experience the other side: total bliss. So I concluded to better get over the nasty part as quickly as possible and the enjoy the bliss part. But yeah slow and steady wins the race is another approach I try with 5 meo. I am still on low dose 5 meo and 2 mg plugging (with boofing technique) is already challenging. I want to make a break and work on myself and then I want to come back. I am low vibration now because of a breakup. The dose on 5 meo I can master is my spiritualy benchmark. I only will raise if I experience bliss on the dose before.

I did scientific tests bro. Repeated tested and observed. Consistent. With one batch I tried it 5 times in a row and felt disphoric, twisted and confusing. Had to sit down and breath when my head started to seriously spin after. With the batch I have now...it's just pure Bliss every time. Noticable difference. I'm not saying all batches will be different...but mate it's just chemistry, each batch will not be 100% the same as each other. I'm just saying that different batches of 5meo have different effects. One easy way to tell if the batch is pure (if purity is indeed what the problem is) is that pure 5meo will cause something like a full body orgasm. Many do not experience this whatsoever Simply put, there is such a thing as shit 5meo that causes disphoria, as opposed to euphoria consistently Which is, in my opinion, an extremely important piece if information for someone who seems to be struggling with their 5meo to the point where it's unreasonable. This is very important to note for newbies. There is good 5meo and there is bad 5meo. My stuff was labeled, tested and reviewed. For someone like obeler, he could have shit 5meo. My research shows its extremely possible, and actually likely...if bought...online... And this one piece if information could be the difference between someone giving you on 5meo or not. And considering 5meo is one of the most powerful tool we have, if not the most important, it makes this one observation quite an important one?? peace and love to you friend @Corpus♥️

@beastcookie What would it be to see through the veil of sex & body, to know the source of mindless bliss? ...Not to settle for the cover story, the projection, the assumption, the apparent? Scrutinize...has touch ever actually happened? ....like wise, sex...reproduction...living? See through biology, neurology, quantum mechanics, to & through transmission.

The following posts are all of my trip reports on dmt related psychedelics. 23/08/2020 Very Mild Ayahuasca Trip Report This is the first time I tried a 'hard' psychedelic, as the previous ones were just san pedro/mescaline. This trip was extremely mild because my brain chemistry is weird, or I ingested the substance incorrectly. Absolutely nothing like the trip reports. Nada. I took a mid to high dose of pharmahuasca (syrian rue extract + dmt extract) took it as per gordotek's instructions. The trip didn't come on until the 40 minute mark. At the 40 minute mark, there was a slight light headedness, more bliss in my body than usual, more relaxation than usual and loss of time and space moreso than usual. But no dmt machine elves, or snakes or visuals, or entering new realms, or anything like that. Or ego death either. This sensation lasted for about 4-6 hours. Contemplation Activities Beginning So around the 1 to 2 hour mark, I got disappointed with the experience. So I decided to try to make the most of this light headed buzzing feeling by contemplating deeply what it was. Somehow my focus went to the question of "what is a psychedelic trip? What is ayahuasca? Why does ayahuasca make you high? If ayahuasca is a dream then how the fuck can a dream wake you up?" I then became very very aware of how everything right now is being created instantly. There is no creative storage for the creativity to activate from (unlike what the materialist paradigm believes. It believes when things appear, they were always there in the 3D world, and just appear when we look at them. But in reality they weren't there, they were created for the first time every millisecond, first time because memory is also a creation. Memory != truth). So if you were to ask, "when was jesus born?" what you would do is visualise or think about the birth of jesus. An image or thought or something pops up of when he was born, where he was born, the mood, etc. Of his birth. THIS is when Jesus was born. Jesus is being born as soon as you think about his birth. Its literally happening, his birth, as soon as you think about it. It didn't happen in the past, its happening when you think about it, in other words NOW. You think those thoughts are pointing to some truth. Some time when Jesus WAS born. But pointers are illusions. They don't point to anything. They point to themselves, themselves as a dream. And the TRUTH is that Jesus being born is a dream. The truth is the thought itself, not what the thought points to. There's actually no difference between stuff you imagine in your head, and stuff that apparently 'actually' happens. If you have the thought of having a shower, you may feel pleasant at the visualisation of the water touching your body, you body might start to feel warm, etc. Then that will encourage you to go actually have one. But You already had the shower as soon as you thought about it. Thinking about having a shower IS having a shower. You think there is some special pleasant magic inside the shower that makes you feel good, and that's why you go have a shower. But if that's truly the case then how the fuck did you feel good just by thinking and visualising it? You ARE what you seek... Same goes with sex. I personally can have sex in my mind just as well as sex with an actual person. And that's because there's no difference. The sex in my mind is just as real as the sex in person. Sex with a person is purely conceptual. Not just sex, but pain, suffering, going to jail, murder, paedophilia, going to the gym, eating healthy, etc. Are ALL conceptual. And the world being a dream became much much more prevalent. It was just standing out at this point. I was aware that when people look at me, they aren't looking at a face, because I don't have a face. I'm headless. But God wants to keep the dream realistic, so he makes everyone who looks at me seem like I have a face, but the reality is I don't. And when people's faces look at me, the back of their head literally isn't there. And then this led to who are these people anyway. People with their own lives? Own ambitions, wants, needs, plans, purpose in life? Pffttttt, get real, of course they don't. They aren't there. If you ask someone what's your plan for today, and they say they are going to the shops, they didn't say that because they actually have a plan, they said that because you made up their plan on the spot. And then tricked yourself into believing they had their own plans. So if they don't have any of that stuff, what do they have? Well nothing. You're creating it all. An alternative perspective to duality/the 3D materialist world An alternative perspective for why they are there, is because the 3D world/maya/duality is not real, its a language. Its God expressing truth through language. That means if a guru sits down in front of you. A guru didn't just sit down in front of you, God had some wisdom or knowledge or truth to share, and he decided to share it through the projections of the guru sitting down in front of you. And then things seem much more like an RPG game, like Zelda. See when Zelda is talking to some knight or peasant on the streets. Zelda as a character actually thinks those peasants or knights have their own life beyond the scene for which Zelda asked them a question, but we the players, know that they don't. Further we know that those peasants and knights were put in the game PURELY as part of Zelda's adventure. And this is my perspective of all humans on the planet right now, including my character electroBeam. They aren't real, or have a life beyond my awareness, they are simply there as part of the journey I'm on, and every interaction, observation, etc. Is simply God trying to tell me something about my journey and conscious evolution, just like how the peasants and knights were there just so the video game creators could tell the player something about the storyline of the video game. Everything to the contrary is simply stuff that isn't actually there. And what is God trying to tell me? Why is God even trying to tell me anything? Just give me and you what we both want for God's sake and quit with this indirect bullshit? Well very paradoxically, God is trying to tell me that I am what I seek. That's it somehow. Everything that the characters in this game say, the stuff that happens in this game, all of it, is just trying to tell me that I am what I seek. But why not just BE God? Why must we fuck around with the game? Lets just get rid of the game then? Because God loves to create. The entire game is just a way for God to create simply for the sake of creating. For some reason God is extremely enthusiastic about the idea of creating. The potential to create. This is why God can reincarnate as Hitler and be ok with it, because its a whole new opportunity to create. Something God loves the idea of. Creating without goal, the creation itself is the point. What IS God Under all the creation was an image in my mind of a sky, clouds, and inbetween the clouds and the sky was a white spherical energy beaming out white light. This image was accompanied with the feelings of "total", "bliss", "final", "end", "ultimate", "beginning", "who you were before you were born", "truth", "love", "sacredness", "divine" It was extremely close. It was too close, so close that you don't notice it. And it was under or before every possible assumption you can make. Awakening doesn't feel like an achievement, because you created duality to make it seem like an achievement. But you created that. You created everything. Its only an achievement if you still believe that achievement is a real thing. In the end you're just playing with your toy soldier set, pretending that one of them is realising you're you, but you're the one behind it all along anyway. And if you're creating everything then why can't you control the dream? Because you're operating from a first person point of view. In reality there is no first person point of view, that's all created by God. And then you might ask, well then why don't we change the dream not from the first person point of view, but from God? Well THATS WHAT YOURE DOING NOW. You're pretending you're in the first person, and you're pretending that you can't control the dream. And that IS what you want. You want to not control the dream, otherwise this reality wouldn't be what it is now. You're like a shakespeare character on stage, asking the audience why must the play be this way? HELLO! You made it that way before the stage began, pretending that you don't like the way things are going is what you wanted all along. Drop the first person, and all your problems will go away. But its likely you wont do that, because how else are you going to express your full creativity as God without being in the first person? Did the Ayahuasca caused my light tingling feeling in my head? Or was that placebo? Honestly this was the biggest question on my mind the entire time. I usually feel bliss, so how do I know whether its the ayahuasca doing it? And this question is important, because if the ayahuasca is not doing it then why take the ayahuasca? Well this is where the 'game' starts to break down. You're pretending that this question is important, but it isn't. Life is all 1 experience. Whether you got high or not is completely unrelated to taking the ayahuasca. All the highness you get is from God (the Godhead) and taking the ayahuasca is just an expression of that. Its God's creation and story he's making to signify waking up in the story. The ayahuasca is an illusion, yet you still take it to wake up because God's making the story that way. You think your first person IS TRUTH, and therefore you think FREE WILL is truth, and taking ayahuasca makes you high IS TRUTH, and meditating wakes you up IS TRUTH. But the real truth is, the first person perspective is a dream AS A WHOLE. The entire experience from taking the ayahuasca to waking up AS A WHOLE is ONE BIG DREAM. You're a character. You think you seriously care about meditating, taking ayahuasca, etc? Hell no. That's an illusion, you're just pretending you do. Pretending to such an extent that it feels super real. God isn't trying to take ayahuasca to wake up, because that's needed. God is pretending to take ayahuasca to wake up as part of the story and as part of making an epic dance/play. Why was my psychedelic trip so different to others? Why didn't I see DMT machine elves and crazy realms and all the shit I wanted to see!! Well why do you even want to see that stuff in the first place? What's so good about DMT machine elf realms? Ohhh tada! You think those realms are REAL and TRUE! You don't think they are a dream, you think they are truth! That's where the appeal is coming from. But where are you getting your ideas of dmt machine elf land from? Concepts from youtube videos and trip reports! And what are they? Dreams! And why do you want to see dmt machine elf land? Because you're confusing the dream for TRUTH! You don't understand what a pointer truly is. And this is what all those hippies and shamans are doing. They are having an experience on ayahuasca, projecting stuff like machine elfs, then confusing those projections for TRUTH! When its you who created it all along. And the hippies and shamans are ultimately doing this due to God's love for creation. Contemplation Contemplation is great, but I've realised, its a creative process rather than a discovery process. Discovering God is actually just letting go. Contemplation is about creating. I could contemplate for the next trillion years, get amazing mystical insights, yet be no closer to BEING god. And those mystical insights are still good by themselves, because as said before, creating is fricken awesome! Its such a pleasure to do. But when it comes to waking up, its about letting go, not contemplating. Moving forward for me personally So as said in the report, this was extremely mild and I aint happy about it. So I'll be upping the dose 5x times next time. Although I've got this strange feeling that psychedelics of this variant don't work for me. I still have a desire to seek. I'm still not happy with my understanding of reality. So I'll continue on.

Hm oke I also been there. Thats how I do it - Before the trip I set the intention to overcome my fear and to find out what its about. I lay down and do nothing and when the fear comes I let it overcome me. Then I investigate it like what is all that fear about? Whats the problem? How does it exactly feel and why is it there? This time can be really horrible and is not enjoyable at all but after some time there is a breaking point and for example last time I realized that I am fighting against my self and in that moment I just gave up. After that it was all love and bliss. I think you have to accept the fear to overcome it. Sometimes it takes 2-3 trips to work it out but in the end its always worth it. Hope this helps you!

Hello everyone, Yesterday I had my first experience with the magical substance we call 5-MeO-DMT (HCI). I’m usually not one to write or post about my experiences, however I decided that I wanted to post about this. Most of all because the posts in this forum helped me a lot with my research before trying this and I hope my experience might help other as well. After all, we’re all on this journey together. Prior psychedelics experience Mushrooms, ayahuasca Basic info Dose: 11mg RoA: Insufflated Setting: Alone, in my own house Music: None Preparing and taking the 5-MeO I had two free days of work to try this for the first time, my initial plan was to use on both days. But later I will explain why I won’t do that. On the day of using I had a normal breakfast in the morning and after that still ate a banana. I waited till at least three hours after the banana so that my empty stomach would hopefully prevent any possible nausea. This worked very well, I would rate the nausea of my trip a 1 on a scale of 0-10. As it’s not easy for me to find a sitter I decided to try it alone. The research I had done made me comfortable enough to this. For what I’ve read people said that 10-12mg is a good starting dose so I decided to start with 11mg for the first time to see how I would react. I prepared a room to be safe for doing this. I weighed the 11mg and divided this in 2 equal lines and snorted one line per nostril. As I’ve read here on the forum I snorted with little power, got it all up there and then massaged it into my nostrils. The burning sensation (before & after) I found very doable, I would say a 3 on a scale of 0-10. The onset At this point I was still sitting up straight, gently massaging it into the nostrils while leaning my head a bit forward. I was of course a bit excited for what was to come, but felt comfortable. After some minutes the first thing I felt was a deep ‘buzzing’ sensation in my awareness, in some way similar to that of mushroom. My ego immediately though ‘Oh shit, what have I done’. This made the sensation go away again. Therefore I decided to lay myself down on the matrass. I laid down in fetes position, because I wanted to prevent to possible suddenly be out of my body and puking. Slowly but surely it got more intense. My thoughts and mind started to be clearer, like there was less unnecessary noise. However my ego tried de desperately grasp around it. Trying to rationalise everything that happened. I spent some time still looking at my hand, in some way to stay connected to the ‘reality’ of the ego. In between I shortly sit up straight again, my ego was really trying to keep control of the body. I had shortly a moment that my teeth where clattering and felt a little of saliva going out of my mouth. I was still aware enough to brush it off with my hand and decided to lay down again and surrender to the sensation. The peak All this time I still had my eyes open. I was laying on my side and looking at the wall. I started to feel more and more distanced from my body (really couldn’t tell if it felt heavier or lighter). Because of this I also gave up on looking to my hand (which I was doing again) and laid it on the floor. I told my ego to just let go. I was no longer looking at the wall with focus, everything became a vague blur. The more I could let go the more intense everything became. I started to close my eyes. I felt that my consciousness was being taken elsewhere. The best way to describe it is the void was calling me. I felt but the tiniest fraction of this vast nothingness. It was not scary at all, it was pretty calming somehow. For a short moment there where 0 thought and no awareness of the body at all. However this was in no way calming for my ego. Who still desperately tried to survive. While I experienced this fraction of the void, my ego was yelling ‘Hey bro, are you sure you are still breathing?’ From the moment I closed my eyes to this moment felt like maybe 5-10 seconds (very hard to say for sure though, but this is what I’d estimate). The ego made me aware that I was no longer aware of the fact that I was breathing. The ego managed to ‘scare’ me enough so that it felt like I wasn’t breathing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes (still laying sideways). It felt like I was pulled out of this nothingness with such great force and smacked back into the reality of the ego. In some way this felt slightly like being reborn (or coming back, I’m sure it’s nothing compared to how a full breakthrough feels). Even though I was only gone for a mere few seconds it felt amazing to feel the breath going in my lungs and being a bit aware of my body. My ego immediately tried to rationalize again. Trying to figure out if I really wasn’t breathing or if it was only a sensation. I read about this sensation before, I tried to accept that it was just part of the experience and that I should let go. The same thing happened a few times more, I would say 5-6 times in total. Every time the ego said on what felt like the very last moment ‘Dude, breathe!’ In the moment I felt like I wasn’t breathing I tried to feel if my body was breathing without my noticing it. In some way it felt like it did, but I couldn’t be sure. After I took these breaths I also didn’t feel too much out of breath. But it was also very hard to say how long these very short moments in the nothingness really were. These 5-6 times were very intense. It felt like I was jumping in between realms, however not fully leaving the realm of the ego. I obviously couldn’t let go. I wasn’t ready enough to die yet. I felt a mere fraction of what is out here and something told me that this was enough for today. The offset After this I went back to sitting up straight. I know I probably didn’t even go so deep, but man what a ride it was. When sitting up straight everything suddenly became so clear, how there is such a perfect harmony in everything. As others here also describe it, I would say this feeling was pure bliss. This feeling gave me many realizations. How controlling I am in life, how hard it is for me to let go of things I hold on to. All this suffering I do for myself, truly for no reason at all. Everything just made so much sense. It was such a calming feeling. I sat with my hands in my head, with a big smile and almost crying of some sort of relief. Man, what did I waste so much energy on unnecessary things. And what a big joke it just all was. I felt a lot of love. After some point I became more active with my body again. First moving my arms around a bit which felt great. A bit later I decided to go to the toilet and have a glass of water on the couch. I felt so at peace. I ate some fruit and it tasted much more intense than normally. My awareness was still really high and I just enjoyed watching the trees outside. This feeling slowly faded more, also as the ego was trying to get fully back and offering me to go do some chores. Since then I still feel much calmer than usual. The night after I’ve read about it here more often that people have some after affects while sleeping after using this substance. In the night after using I woke up a few times. This isn’t anything unusual for me, however the weird thing is that usually you don’t notice it that much. Now it felt like I want from deep sleep to fully awake in a mere second multiple times. Later in the night I woke up for longer. I was hearing voices talking. First I thought, is it the neighbours in their garden? But it was the middle of the night. When I focused on it, it got more and more intense. To at some point it felt like there was the chattering of a 100 people in my mind. I thought it was probably because of the 5-MeO and told myself to let it go. When I let it go, it was gone immediately. However these kind of sensations went on and off for some time, as I had to focus on not hearing things. It was a bit stressing, but nothing too much. Later in the night I still had a very intense dream and also a nightmare, however I’m not sure in how far this was related to the substance. Conclusion In conclusion I look back on a positive first trip which has already given me some important insights. I have to stop trying to control everything so much and allow myself to enjoy this beautiful dance. All the suffering I endure, I create myself. As I’ve described I first wanted to use the second day again. However, because of the breathing and the weird night sleep I first want to wait a bit with it. It doesn’t feel right today. First I want to see if the sleeping gets back to normal before I might make things worse. As for the breathing, I would also like to hear the opinion from experienced people here. I know that not everybody has this sensation, but is it okay to fully let go of it? I know Leo commented somewhere that this can be lethal at high dosages, but does this make it safe in normal dosages? I’ve read somewhere that this sensation is not a genuine or dangerous sensation (see Psychonaut-wiki). Of course I am aware that you shouldn’t take this if you’re not willing to let go. I want to treat this substance with the care and respect it needs and might have to consider to otherwise to find a sitter or to stop my journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this report and that I might be able to help some others by sharing this experience. I wish you all the best!