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About Dario1995

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  1. Try to find that "I" who is aware. As "I" found out, there is nobody aware. Therefore, there is nothing but awareness aware of awareness. Thought is awareness itself, so there is actually no thoughts in Truth. Of course, relative to ilusion of you, thoughts exist. In my experience, the more you go into the Truth, in makes less sense to logical mind, but it is simply true. So this is just what i found out yet. And all of this i wrote are just concepts also, another ego story if you believe the words. Be careful Good luck 😀❤️
  2. Trough brutal honesty about myself, and power of the sea and the sun, I found that I really love the game. Love the suffering, and getting out of it, just because I can. It just that I forgot that i was playing. So i dont want to forget anymore. But it feels like I also want to keep playing, or is it just ego defending itself from the bigger revelations? Should I keep playing or explore more? Is there a middle way? Last week states of conciusness are shifting radically. Like a rollercoaster, and i am not resisting, it feels pretty good and scary at the same time. Sending Love from the beautiful Adriatic Sea <3 -Dario-
  3. @Nahm @NahmThanks for advice 😀 @VincentArogya You are right, probably it was conceptual realization, an idea. I can see thats the trap i fell into, trying to understand trough mind. At the beggining of the search, yes, I was looking for that. Now I realize i am not in control of that or ever will be. When i am silent enough, even doing stuff is happening by itself, and the quality of doing stuff is okay( job, sex, washing laundry). Must say, my memory is somewhat worse, feels that I must jump in and search for a certain information. Direct experience it is! Makes "me" feel like i am 5 year old again. 😁 Its funny how pure existing can make you joyful, totaly forgot that feeling.
  4. @bejapuskas I agree. I like when Rupert Spira says something like: It is more mysterious to me how you think you lost yourself than the actual truth.
  5. @VincentArogya It happened a couple times. I experienced oneness by having looking direct into the moon, and asking : where does that take place? Not the moon, the direct seeing of what we call a moon. Also, i recognized oneness from direct experience that everything is awareneess and cant be nothing else. But those are experiences, they change. Even the separate self is an experience. My intuition tells me that its not about the state, or even the experience of different states( spiritual, mystical or egoic) I want to know who is the knower of the experience. Directly, not by answering trough thoughts. Not sure if it these were "mystical" though.
  6. @bejapuskas @Nahm it is like i am simultaneosly, but efortlessly watching "myself" trying to let go and in the background there is stillness, pure observing. Even the thought " i am observing" is seen as a thought. Talking to you guys really calmed "me" down. Last night, while playing some cards with friends, i suddenly became aware of now, existing, it was so joyful...it didnt last long though. Thank you all for your replies. -Dario-
  7. @Nahm actually, when you say it like that, no, i cant let go that easy. Maybe i need to work on that, not be so serious
  8. @TripleFly Im not afraid of the experience. Im not gonna try change it, just be aware of it and move on. This monkey mind is more and more drowning in the conciusness, and it is trying to be important as it was. @Demeter Yes, it is familiar to me, that desire to be enlightened. I did not read it. Actually i do not read so much spiritual books, because my opinion is that truth should be simple, avaliable for everyone, every moment? Not that i am saying that one should not read spiritual books. It can guide you, i agree.
  9. @Demeter Yes, i did, until a month ago, when i completely gave up myself to self inquiry. It seems to me that i need some grounding. In a week i am starting at a new job, which is far more serious than what i am doing currently, in sense of free time, and mind occupying. ( i am a civil engineer). But every time i try do enjoy something, thought immediatly apperas : hmm, who is enjoying this? Who is aware of that thought? Et cetera. I did now, it makes sense. What i learned is that depression often( not always) means "work in progress". You know, my frustration lies in spontaneous enlightenment stories ( Eckhart for example). It is like, i want that 😆. Maybe i need to mention, before this phase, i was crying like 4,5 times a day, not from sadness, but from increased sensitivity I experienced. Thank You so much for this reply. And i like to chat, therefore long posts. Much Love -Dario-
  10. If you dont want to read the whole story,i understand, you can skip to the questions BACKSTORY So, 7 years ago i had sort of intelectual awakening. It was like all my beliefs were just shattered like a piece of glass. It was induced by weed and my curious mind. I was just a kid (17yo), and with that discovery that everything i believed in was actually lie (religion mostly), depression came with derealisation and depersonalisation. I have to mention that in that time, searching for answers, i found Osho, Mooji and Papaji, and the more i was in "spirituality" the more feeling of depression came in. So i sort of gave up on finding my true Self, and i built some self image, constantly trying to deny that i can see that is all but thoughts creating a story. Derealisation was in for about 6 months, deppresion was still there, until i went on medication, and i was feeling all great again. Quality of my life increased immensely. NOW Now I am 24yo, i cant really lie to myself anymore, i know i am not who i think i am. Its like i am stuck right now. I cant pretend that i am a 24yo male, with a job, car, a girlfriend. Its like an American dream, but the problem is i know its a dream. I am doing self inquire work for about 6 months, with ocassional meditation, litteraly 24/7. I am mostly listening to Rupert Spira, Mooji, Papaji and Adyashanti (and recently Leo) So i am now in a place where i cant control it anymore. I cant go back anymore. Im all in, if needed ill do 1000 lifetimes to discover my true Self. But the more insights i have, more pain comes. I am aware that i am not that pain, but i cant say i feel happy. Last few days it was horror for my ego. I litteraly watch this ego crumbling, but it never dies. And then i read some posts that the whole process should be blissfull and liberating. But Recently, 95% of time it is like desolving and dying and with all the social activites and a job, its really not pleasant experience. I mean i have ocassional beautiful experiences, like, two days ago, i was near a tree, and it was raining. And for a whole two seconds, it was reality.First time experienced no self. But then of course, "I" popped in to claim the experience. Recently i found this forum, which helped me a lot, so i am really thankful to you all <3 QUESTIONS I have only two questions: Is all this normal, or am i doing something wrong? Should it be more loving, peaceful experience? Peace to all. - Dario -