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Sometimes there is an energetic shift in perception and it is recognized that all these human states of being that are pointed to with words like love or music are alien. Out of this world stuff. ? You'd imagine it is somewhere out there, but it's here.

You sure you talkin about us? If they are like us I don't want to meet them. Imagine you meet an alien and he's wearing a MAGA hat.

You can meet plenty on a strong psychedelic. I've always found this notion that aliens should be of flesh and blood like us and bound to material existence a little cocky of us humans. And even if flesh and blood aliens exist (they probably do), the scientific part of my mind is telling me that space and time are simply way too big and physics too restrictive for us to ever meet. Unfortunately warp drives, wormholes and other types of FTL travel break causality which is kind of big in physics. It creates information paradoxes like being able to tell yourself where you're going to go before you decide to do so. So either these completely paradoxical technologies can actually exist, or, practically speaking, we can never meet a flesh and blood alien because it would simply take so much time to travel. Not to mention that even finding a populated planet would be like a needle in a haystack problem but with the haystack being so enormous it would literally take you to the end of time and you still wouldn't finish searching. All that said I did actually saw a UFO one time. I was with a friend and we both saw the same thing, and we weren't under influence of anything strong enough to give us hallucinations like that, so who knows, life is strange. I'm not sure what that was, it was rectangular, made no noise, and just floated in mid-air. It had some lights too, all around it. After a few minutes it just suddenly disappeared, almost like it took off into one direction away from us. But it was too fast to really notice. I never saw anything like that again.

I like the idea that there may be another intelligent creatures like us or much more developed than us. One of my weirdest wishes was to go out at night and meet by accident an alien. This may be scary and exciting at the same time. He may be hostile to me but I don't bother myself about this too much. I believe that there's life outside our planet and there's a very civilized life. They don't come to here because we are not interesting for them as we think we are. Maybe they do come but they have such a technology that makes them invisible or something. What do you think about aliens? Share with me all you know, facts and crazy stories that you heard somewhere.

Disclaimer: This is my favorite essay by Ken Wilber. The aim is NOT to convey any absolute notion of self, but to give a more practical and integral perspective on the ego. I believe that a lot of seekers in todays spiritual community tend misunderstand the transcendetal nature of things. This will ultimately lead to suffering. We try to "get rid" of our egos but thats the wrong approach. We try to see through the illusion but we fail to realize that as long there is a body, there will be some ego. This is how spiritual shadows are born and you can become directly concious of this process. Be aware. Egoless Means More Precisely because the ego, the soul and the Self can all be present simultaneously, we can better understand the real meaning of egolessness, a notion that has caused an inordinate amount of confusion. But egolessness does not mean the absence of a functional self (that’s a psychotic, not a sage); it means that one is no longer exclusively identified with that self. One of the many reasons we have trouble with the notion of egoless is that people want their egoless sages to fulfill all their fantasies of saintly or spiritual, which usually means dead from the neck down, without fleshy wants or desires, gently smiling all the time. All of the things that people typically have trouble with money, food, sex, relationships, desire they want their saints to be without. Egoless sages who are above all that is what people want. Talking heads is what they want. Religion, they believe, will simply get rid of all baser instincts, drives and relationships, and hence they look to religion, not for advice on how to live life with enthusiasm, but on how to avoid it, repress it, deny it, escape it. In other words, the typical person wants the spiritual sage to be less than a person, somehow devoid of all the messy, juicy, complex, pulsating, desiring, urging forces that drive most human beings. We expect our sages to be an absence of all that drives us! All the things that frighten us, confuse us, torment us, confound us: we want our sages to be untouched by them altogether. And that absence, that vacancy, that less than personal, is what we often mean by egoless. But egoless does not mean less than personal, it means more than personal. Not personal minus, but personal plus all the normal personal qualities, plus some transpersonal ones. Think of the great yogis, saints and sages from Moses to Christ to Padmasambhava. They were not feeble-mannered milquetoasts, but fierce movers and shakers from bullwhips in the Temple to subduing entire countries. They rattled the world on its own terms, not in some pie-in-the-sky piety; many of them instigated massive social revolutions that have continued for thousands of years. And they did so not because they avoided the physical, emotional and mental dimensions of humanness and the ego that is their vehicle, but because they engaged them with a drive and intensity that shook the world to its very foundations. No doubt, they were also plugged into the soul (deeper psychic) and spirit (formless Self) the ultimate source of their power but they expressed that power, and gave it concrete results, precisely because they dramatically engaged the lower dimensions through which that power could speak in terms that could be heard by all. These great movers and shakers were not small egos; they were, in the very best sense of the term, big egos, precisely because the ego (the functional vehicle of the gross realm) can and does exist alongside the soul (the vehicle of the subtle) and the Self (vehicle of the causal). To the extent these great teachers moved the gross realm, they did so with their egos, because the ego is the functional vehicle of that realm. They were not, however, identified merely with their egos (that’s a narcissist), they simply found their egos plugged into a radiant Kosmic source. The great yogis, saints and sages accomplished so much precisely because they were not timid little toadies but great big egos, plugged into the dynamic Ground and Goal of the Kosmos itself, plugged into their own higher Self, alive to the pure atman (the pure I–I) that is one with Brahman; they opened their mouths and the world trembled, fell to its knees, and confronted its radiant God. Saint Teresa was a great contemplative? Yes, and Saint Teresa is the only woman ever to have reformed an entire Catholic monastic tradition (think about it). Gautama Buddha shook India to its foundations. Rumi, Plotinus, Bodhidharma, Lady Tsogyal, Lao Tzu, Plato, the Bal Shem Tov these men and women started revolutions in the gross realm that lasted hundreds, sometimes thousands, of years, something neither Marx nor Lenin nor Locke nor Jefferson can yet claim. And they did not do so because they were dead from the neck down. No, they were monumentally, gloriously, divinely big egos, plugged into a deeper psychic, which was plugged straight into God. There is certainly a type of truth to the notion of transcending ego : it doesn’t mean destroy the ego, it means plug it into something bigger. (As Nagarjuna put it, in the relative world, atman is real; in the absolute, neither atman nor anatman is real. Thus, in neither case is anatta a correct description of reality.) The small ego does not evaporate; it remains as the functional center of activity in the conventional realm. As I said, to lose that ego is to become a psychotic, not a sage. Transcending the ego thus actually means to transcend but include the ego in a deeper and higher embrace, first in the soul or deeper psychic, then with the Witness or primordial Self, then with each previous stage taken up, enfolded, included and embraced in the radiance of One Taste. And that means we do not get rid of the small ego, but rather, we inhabit it fully, live it with verve, use it as the necessary vehicle through which higher truths are communicated. Soul and Spirit include body, emotions and mind; they do not erase them. Put bluntly, the ego is not an obstruction to Spirit, but a radiant manifestation of Spirit. All Forms are not other than Emptiness, including the form of the ego. It is not necessary to get rid of the ego, but simply to live it with a certain exuberance. When identification spills out of the ego and into the Kosmos at large, the ego discovers that the individual atman is in fact all of a piece with Brahman. The big Self is indeed no small ego, and thus, to the extent you are stuck in your small ego, a death and transcendence is required. Narcissists are simply people whose egos are not yet big enough to embrace the entire Kosmos, and so they try to be central to the Kosmos instead. But we do not want our sages to have big egos; we do not even want them to display a manifest dimension at all. Anytime a sage displays humanness in regard to money, food, sex, relationships we are shocked, shocked, because we are planning to escape life altogether, not live it, and the sage who lives life offends us. We want out, we want to ascend, we want to escape, and the sage who engages life with gusto, lives it to the hilt, grabs each wave of life and surfs it to the end this deeply, profoundly disturbs us, frightens us, because it means that we, too, might have to engage life, with gusto, on all levels, and not merely escape it in a cloud of luminous ether. We do not want our sages to have bodies, egos, drives, vitality, sex, money, relationships, or life, because those are what habitually torture us, and we want out. We do not want to surf the waves of life, we want the waves to go away. We want vaporware spirituality. The integral sage, the nondual sage, is here to show us otherwise. Known generally as tantric, these sages insist on transcending life by living it. They insist on finding release by engagement, finding nirvana in the midst of samsara, finding total liberation by complete immersion. They enter with awareness the nine rings of hell, for nowhere else are the nine heavens found. Nothing is alien to them, for there is nothing that is not One Taste. Indeed, the whole point is to be fully at home in the body and its desires, the mind and its ideas, the spirit and its light. To embrace them fully, evenly, simultaneously, since all are equally gestures of the One and Only Taste. To inhabit lust and watch it play; to enter ideas and follow their brilliance; to be swallowed by Spirit and awaken to a glory that time forgot to name. Body and mind and spirit, all contained, equally contained, in the ever-present awareness that grounds the entire display. In the stillness of the night, the Goddess whispers. In the brightness of the day, dear God roars. Life pulses, mind imagines, emotions wave, thoughts wander. What are all these but the endless movements of One Taste, forever at play with its own gestures, whispering quietly to all who would listen: is this not you yourself? When the thunder roars, do you not hear your Self? When the lightning cracks, do you not see your Self? When clouds float quietly across the sky, is this not your very own limitless Being, waving back at you? - Ken Wilber

Yeah I don’t really have an issue with the dream. It is kind of cool to kick alien ass every once in a while. It doesn’t produce any overt suffering in my life or even in the dream as I know they have no power over me in my own dreams anymore. I’m just suspicious that the subconscious anger and fear could be affecting my life in some subtle way.

I was primed with fear of alien abduction by my brother and neighbor for a couple years. My brother always said that the aliens would abduct me when he wasn’t there. We shared a room, and he stayed at his mom’s house on and off. I think we should revoke his CPA for this. This fear was naturally expounded by seeing aliens discussed in pop culture and my idea that living in the country isolated from people would make abduction more feasible.

Lmao, last night I saw the light reflect off of the top of the alien’s head barely showing that unquestionable shape about one mile away and immediately said to myself something to the effect of “it’s that motherfucker again!” in a very pissed off tone. To be fair though, I almost never feel true hatred and anger in my life. I am one of the least angry people you could ever meet, so maybe my subconscious is just giving me a good practicing ground to exercise violence in a way that does not harm beings on planet Earth. If so, good job subconscious mind!

From when I was about 6-8 years old, my older brother and neighbor would tease me that I was going to get abducted by aliens. When I was 8 years old, I had a dream that I was abducted. I do not have the same abduction dream, but every few months or so I have a dream with a single alien in it. These used to be nightmares until I discovered how to escape the dream immediately which is to run at the alien and decide I’m just going to beat the absolute living fuck out of it lol. It’s kind of funny that my subconscious has remembered this way out of the dream every time, but I feel like this subconscious fear of the alien and anger toward it might be keeping me from being able to experience more love and be happier. Ive heard that dreams which recur have a message which is not being understood properly which is why it keeps coming. How would you suggest I resolve this? I’m thinking about trying to go to sleep with the intention to try to communicate civilly and accept the alien in my dream rather than try to fight it. I think this might take a lucid dream as in normal dreaming the pattern which wants to see the alien as an adversary is too strong. Any advice would be appreciated.

Our treasure is to found in Being “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault's book- Centering Prayer doesn’t resemble what people think of as prayer. It’s a meditation practice that cultivates non-conceptual awareness. That’s why it’s often referred to as Centering Prayer meditation. I’ve shared this previously in this journal. I share it again just as food for thought and welcome any comments or questions. Narrative selfhood is created by the mind. The same mind that born of brain has blossomed a neocortex through our recent development (in evolutionary terms) and has arrived to plague us with various neurosis and constant internal dialogue. To rest in being or as Jesus put it, to “have your being” makes possible the felt experience of having inner quiet. From the Diamond Approach Glossary I picked some relevant excerpts to go along with this quote from C. Bourgeault. An Important Difference Between the Mind and Being These fantasies, beliefs and misinformation actually accompany almost all internalized object relations to some extent. Internalized object relations are rarely true representations of actual events or relationships. One’s memory traces include all kinds of ideas, fantasies and images that never had an objective reality. Another source of extraneous material comes from the psychic processes of organization and integration themselves. These processes modify the original object relations as more impressions are internalized. This is necessary for the integration of object relations units of various affect and content. This extra material, whether it is attached to actual memories of object relations or consists of pure fabrications, cannot be absorbed into Being. This is an important difference between the mind and Being. The mind can absorb and identify with any psychic material it believes to be true. It does not have the capacity, on its own, to discern what is objective truth and what is not. In other words, the mind can be deceived, even by itself. Being, on the other hand, is pure reality. It is the actual stuff and consciousness of truth, and cannot be deceived. It does not try not to be deceived; it is simply truth by its nature, a self-conscious medium made of pure sensitivity. Any falsehood, that is, anything which is not the objective truth of what actually happened in past interactions which produced a particular object relation, is felt in comparison to Being to be dull, gross and distasteful. When one is in contact with Being, these falsehoods are felt to be lifeless, thick and heavy veils in comparison to the luminosity of Being. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 163 Being is an Existence, a Suchness Being means no reaction, no mental activity that defines who or what one is. In fact, Being is not an activity at all; it is an existence, a suchness, a thereness, a Presence that is not doing anything to be there. Since Being is itself existence, it does not need the mind to be there. It is like a physical object, which does not need the activity of mind to exist. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 57 How Being Knows Itself Since Being is pure consciousness capable of direct awareness of itself, it does not require thinking and deduction for it to know itself. This is what most distinguishes it from the personality of the ego, which knows itself through reference to the past. One reason it is not easy to have a clear experience of Being is that the habit of ego is to know itself through reference to other perceptions, as in Descartes' "I think, therefore I am." Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 65 Simply Being is Just that:Being As we have seen, the incapacity to be authentically ourselves is the expression of not being able to simply be. Simply being is not a matter of being anything in particular; it is not a matter of being according to any view of ourselves, realistic or not. Simply being means the absence of any activity, inner or outer, to be ourselves. Simply being is just that: Being. The Point of Existence, pg. 81 The Presencing of Being The reason we have the capacity to experience Being is that the self is an actual ontological Presence, a presencing of Being, not simply a construct, and this Presence has the capacity to be self-aware. Thus for the self to become directly aware of the realm of Being is for it to directly experience its own nature. The Point of Existence, pg. 14 When One Experiences Oneself as Being, One is No Longer the Self-Image However, when one experiences oneself as Being, one is no longer the self-image. One’s sense of being a human individual is now based not on the internalized self-image, but on pure beingness, beyond all images of mind. This means that this new sense of oneself is not in relation to mother’s image. It is not dependent on past object relations, and is not a reliving of them. This is the autonomy of Being, that we discussed in detail in a previous chapter. The mother’s image is completely irrelevant to this sense of being oneself. It is in fact in a completely different dimension of experience. One is living on the Being level, while mother’s image and all mental representations are on the mind level. These representations are experienced as mere thoughts, concepts, images and of no fundamental reality. The disengagement from the mother in this experience is complete, utter. One feels no relation to the memories of mother or her image, in the sense that one’s sense of identity is completely independent from both. The experience of the mental representation of the mother is seen as completely alien to one’s experience of Being, as if from two different universes of experience. So the separation involved in the experience of Being is complete, total, and profound. Ego never feels such separation, regardless how separate and autonomous it is on the mental sphere. It is a different order of separation. Ego separation is like a distance on the surface of the earth; while Being separation is like going to another star system. In fact, it is more like dying. And many individuals respond to it as a kind of death. So now, either due to a remaining partial identification with ego or a late reversion to such identification, the ego reacts to this perception of such radical separation. This will naturally activate the already existing unresolved old conflicts about separation. However, even if ego development has been smooth and very successful, with little conflict around separation, there is bound to be a much greater pressure on one’s capacity for separation. The ego has never experienced such a measure of separation, and this naturally scares the hell out of it The fear of death or disintegration is one of the usual reactions among others . . . Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 218 More to be found here- https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/being

The question of what is real and the followup question is the world as empirically observed real are very broad philosophical questions essentially representing an entire branch of philosophy. For this particular concerns, about whether only you are real and the other people are not, look at it like this: Consider the amount that what you observe conforms with a world that goes on while you are not looking. For instance, when you leave a room and then come back later, all the other people are not in exactly the same spot as they were. Rather complicated events unfolded according to strict patterns such as physical laws. The amount of computing power it would take to simulate such a thing, even moreso if was post hoc, is well beyond the capabilities of the human brain. Thus, if the rest of the world is not real than you--as in your body and brain--are almost certainly also not real. So, no, you are not the only real person in a world that stops being real once you stop looking at it with only a bubble of reality around you imitating what it would be like if that bubble was actually in a real, bigger world. But maybe the whole thing is fake, and then we are just left with cogito ergo sum, noting that the "I" is not defined. However, the difference between so-called simulation and so-called reality might be naught if there is no observable difference. Even if this whole observable universe was a simulation on some alien supercomputer, what's the difference in terms of reality? What does it matter if the tiny particles of the universe are actually each an electronic bit in some supercomputer or if there is no such supercomputer and the particles are particles. What is a particle really? Just a piece of information. It is only meaningful to call something a simulation when simulating something actually means doing less than having the real thing. A stuffed animal is no longer a simulation when we actually build an animal piece by piece, atom-by-atom that is identical to the so-called thing it simulating, an animal. Video games at current technology only offer virtual reality because they are not powerful enough to simulate the amount of information encoded in what believe to be reality not even to the practical end of offering an identical experience to a user or an identical mind to the virtual beings as those held by people in the allegedly real world.

I'm not buying that at all. That's just a convenient way to keep your wishful thinking belief alive. It's like when the alien believers say: "We don't see the best videos of aliens because the government keeps those amazing videos in a secret super vault somewhere." Or "We can't see the aliens because they have amazing invisibility technology". Etc. There's many convenient things you can believe in to keep the fantasy alive. And I'm not even mentioning the stuff which conspiracy theorists believe in.. And of course the same mechanism also works in beliefs about nonduality stuff etc.

I'm going to put it as simple as possible: I look at my hand, and it becomes "alien". The visual perception of my hand isn't an extension of myself or my body, just an alien thing happening. What can I do once my visual perception of my hand isn't in reference with any thought or concept or feeling or anything else. When it's just the happening of a weird field of "something"? Clarification: -With alien I basically mean "weird", "unfamiliar" "confusing", "empty". I don't mean extraterrestrial or extradimensional. -It's also not ego death or dying or merging with the visual field or anything spectacular. I could just watch my left hand for hours. (somehow it works better with the left one than the right one, don't ask me why). I think about a few things: 1. Look of theres anything else left that I don't notice. 2.Analyse the weirdness of the experience. 3. Conscioulsy switch between it being weird and it being associated with me again. I'm going to do all of those things because I'm curious of that weirdness, but what would you intuitively tell me to do. What's the next step when I am into that weird "experience"? No psychedelics for now. To be able to be in that "state" I needed to surrender to everything the last 2 days. I don't know if that plays a role. It definitely had an effect on me.

I want to know how God created this world. I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts; the rest are details. Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind. My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge. Every one who is seriously involved in the pursuit of science becomes convinced that a spirit is manifest in the laws of the Universe-a spirit vastly superior to that of man, and one in the face of which we with our modest powers must feel humble. The scientists’ religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that, compared with it, all the systematic thinking and acting of human beings is an utterly insignificant reflection. There is no logical way to the discovery of elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious; It is the source of all true art and science. We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. When the solution is simple, God is answering. God does not play dice with the universe. God is subtle but he is not malicious. A human being is a part of the whole, called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for life. Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding. Only a life lived for others is a life worth while. The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books—-a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of humility. This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism. The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man. To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties - this knowledge, this feeling ... that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men. The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. True religion is real living; living with all one’s soul, with all one’s goodness and righteousness. Intelligence makes clear to us the interrelationship of means and ends. But mere thinking cannot give us a sense of the ultimate and fundamental ends. To make clear these fundamental ends and valuations and to set them fast in the emotional life of the individual, seems to me precisely the most important function which religion has to form in the social life of man.

I've given up on the prospect of Leo actually making a video on this lol. But I did have an insight that answered the question of Solipsism (for me at least). Insight: From our human perspective, solipsism is not real. This is because we are under the impression that our bubbles of consciousness (otherwise known as perspective on reality), is a unique function of the human brain and biology (through scientific concepts). Thus we can acknowledge the relativity of perspectives amongst humans through biological means. However, when you start to awaken, you realize that those various bubbles of human consciousness is not actually happening in a human brain. The experiencer of each human experience is what we call "Source consciousness", otherwise known as God. This Being has no form, yet all of reality is being produced by its intellect (can use the word imagination as well). This goes for human perspectives, as well as perspectives of alien, inanimate objects, psychedelic universes, etc...you name it, it's infinite. In short, every inch of reality is happening from God's perspective. God's perspective is solipsistic, because there's nothing outside of it. And lastly, don't forget that you are God .

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS CRAZY. I DONT KNOW IF IM GABRIEL OR LUCIFER . I WAS POSSESSED BY SATAN FOR A MOMENT. I AM SLIPKNOT AND THE CREATOR. HEARD VOICE THERE TALKING TO ME. THEN 'THE MAGMA' TALKED TO ME AND WARNED ME THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE AGAINST ME. THEN THAT DEMON/ALIEN VOICE WAS IN MY HEAD. THEN AS THOUGH I WAS POSSESSED, BENT OVER AND SCRUNCHED AND HISSED LIKE AN ANIMAL BEFORE GOING UPRIGHT AGAIN, THEN SATAN POSSESSED ME. AND THEN AFTER THAT LUCIFER. AND GABRIEL? NO BELIEF IS TRUE, MY ONLY MANTRA. I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO SURRENDER EVERYTHING, BUT INSTEAD THE MAKYO FUCKING DEMONS WANTED TO SCARE ME. NOW HERE I AM, A RANTING AND RAVING LUNATIC FOR IT. MAHASAMDHI MY ASS, IT WAS JESUS IN THE DESERT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS AAAAAAAAAHH. --- Prior to this spasm before you, I was in indescribable state. No words at all for it. "No belief is true" came as a mantra. State arose, so I sat with the conviction to die. Willingness for eeeeeeeee Basking and getting lost; the above elapsed. Maybe I should go back to sitting idfk at this point, its all too crazy. Maybe drink some water and eat. Anyone ever had such mad shit? Too impulsive to say but maybe when I get free of some obligation I become some fucking monk in the forest, who fucking knows lmao

On where truth lies A large frequency and volume of thoughts in regards to meaninglessness, some few attempts made to notice that. "I'm starting to take seriously the idea that authority doesn't exist outside of myself" is the story I would say, if I were to believe those implications I'm on any kind of journey or that I know what I'm doing. And the tally of nihilistic thoughts just got a 1 added [I'm not literally keeping a tally] If you ask where truth is, there are some things to say. "The present moment", "now". Dwelling on those words, don't do that Looking and looking at experience, since that what there is(?). "Contemplating" and looking. Trying to push through but, not sure what's going on. -- Alright so now there's this intense wave of sadness or dejection. I'll grab a pen and paper, focus on and surrender anything, just go do it. What's the technique, method? My very being? Either way, I'm desperate and intensely shook. Natural urgency to focus. Feeling floaty and rising. Do I have to take a meditation posture? I just feel the energy.... -- THIS PLACE, IT'S NOT DONE. -- HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT WAS CRAZY. I DONT KNOW IF IM GABRIEL OR LUCIFER . I WAS POSSESSED BY SATAN FOR A MOMENT. I AM SLIPKNOT THE CREATOR. THE MAGMA TALKED TO ME AND WARNED ME THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE AGAINST ME. THEN THAT DEMON/ALIEN VOICE WAS IN MY HEAD. THEN AS THOUGH I WAS POSSESSED, BENT OVER AND SCRUNCHED AND HISSED LIKE AN ANIMAL BEFORE GOING UPRIGHT AGAIN, THEN SATAN POSSESSED ME. AND THEN AFTER THAT LUCIFER. AND GABRIEL? NO BELIEF IS TRUE, MY ONLY MANTRA. I MADE AN ATTEMPT TO SURRENDER EVERYTHING, BUT INSTEAD THE MAKYO FUCKING DEMONS WANTED TO SCARE ME. NOW HERE I AM, A RANTING AND RAVING LUNATIC FOR IT. MAHASAMDHI MY ASS, IT WAS JESUS IN THE DESERT WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED. WHAT THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS AAAAAAAAAHH --- Edit: despite this, I sense myself currently circling back to where I started. NO. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK. FOR FUCKS SAKE. SHIT ON A TRAMP. It doesn't matter if I get dragged back into this hell...wait, you might know a way to reverse some of this, but that's a maybe. Alright, you know for sure Discord isn't good for you. I'M LOSING THE STATE. MY DIVINITY IS LEAVING. It's fine. You didn't finish whatever quest you're on yet anyway. I'm so fucking fed up of my family and university though, and of society, I just fucking hate people and hate everything though. I don't need falsehood, maya and delusion, fuck out of here. I don't have time for sheeple who pretend to be human. I'm fucking done with people, I swear to god. Maybe I'll come across someone else who can see this clown world for what it is. I had a great man open my eyes to the insanity of society, although he himself is deluded with mind, but is concurrently in some intense battle with a "mind parasite". In that sense we're mirroring, although he may be on a very different journey. A message to all riff-raff: move aside. The whole world could call me insane, and whilst they're right, it doesn't matter. "Slaughtering God", just another belief and narrative. And interesting image nonetheless, but keep moving forward soldier. Push and push; die.

@Marcel Thank you darl! That's what I do on this forum now, I'm just hunting through all the conversations seeing what I find interesting and then jumping in or just observing what's going on like an alien! That's so refreshing to hear, you've started on such a brave journey that is only going to make you stronger and stronger with every day. So many people are so stuffed inside their emotional cocoons, you'll be an inspiration to many people now

Seems a bit alien to me too, and I'm a guy. Though I was never the most well-adjusted guy in the world, to be fair, so I'm probably not best-placed to comment. Just seems empty to me now though, I think I've always wanted something deeper than casual sex (although I could get plenty horny too, I'm not going to pretend otherwise).

@Vrubel why do men game? As a woman it just seems so alien to me.... Is it purely to have sex with women? Like, that's the only end game, just to fuck? And then... they've what, one some biological game?

I'm trying to make the case for why you should never, ever take psychedelics. I speak from my own experience, I have just recently discovered that I have "schizotypal personality disorder". If you would like to know truth, you have an inclination to want to know stuff 'correctly' and experience so called "truth" or to get out of the matrix etc., continue reading: 1. Why do you want that? -Because you suspect that there is more to reality than what you were told. -Because you already had glimpses that make you want to go further. 2. Why shouldn't you do it? -Because of suffering: It's pretty simple, you either open the gate to heaven or to hell. If you do it with regular practice, you can always back out and change direction. If you take psychedelics, you open the gate to either heaven or hell. 3. If you want more because life is shit, it might be hell that's awaiting you. 4. Psychedelics can make you schizophrenic or psychotic. -"Oh but that's just under the materialist paradigm, sane people who take psychedelics, without risk of developing psychosis can take it, it's only people that are at risk that shouldn't take it". NO. NO. NO. That's not true. It's schizophrenia-russian-roulette. Before you develop schizophrenia, you don't know if you can develop schizophrenia. If you're at risk, you don't know it. And if you have schizophrenia or psychosis, the thing that defines it is NOT REALISING THAT YOU HAVE IT. If you have it, you don't know you have it. 5. Oh but that's just the materialist paradigm, identifying and grouping symptoms and saying you're crazy, because you're neurodivergent. That's true, psychology and DSM-5 are just grouping symptoms that are common for certain types of extreme. Materialists and Psychologists/Psychiatrists don't know "Truth". However I have spent 3 years studying psychology, have had the exam on personality disorders and was blind to my symptoms corresponding exactly to "schizotypal personality disorder". I don't disprove the claim that psychology is wrong and spirituality is right. However what I can guarantee, is that SUFFERING occurs with those disorders. If you get close or into the schizophrenia spectrum, you're gonna suffer. You're gonna suffer really bad. Because you're going to believe every shit you're mind can imagine. 6. Realisation into the nature of consciousness isn't liberation. If you're not already liberated from the ego. If you don't already know that you're consciousness and only consciousness, than you're not ready for nothingness. 7. "Once I go through the dark night of the soul I'll know truth and then it's going to be over. I'll be enlightened." BULLSHIT. That's not true. I have been nothingness by accident, I didn't even take psychedelics, I just had a panic attack on too much weed. I have been through nothingness, eternity, dream-reality and countless other awakenings for 6 months straight. Every day ego death. It was painful, but apparently it wasn't the worst part. Afterwards I had years of bad bad social anxiety, general anxiety, paranoia, depression, anhedonia. And I'm not exaggerating when I say I couldn't understand why I suffered 1000times more than other people on a regular basis. 8. Suffering is just imaginary/illusion of the ego. It's not important. It isn't. I don't want to give bad ideas to people that are convinced that suffering isn't "real". It might be illusory from the absolute, but not imaginary. 9. Liberation isn't enlightenment: That's it. Get liberated. Liberation is easier to achieve sober, because it's gradually stopping suffering. If you get more than you can take, God's going to metaphorically rape you until you give up everything because you can no longer take it. That's not the way. That's not what you want. 10. "So what, I want enlightenment more than anything else. It doesn't matter if it goes through hell and suffering and psychosis." Okay good. so if suffering doesn't matter, it shouldn't take more than 2 weeks of strong determination sitting. You eat once a day, you sit in perfect lotus 3 times a day for 7 hours at once without moving. (Move your muscles in between so you don't get thrombosis). I have heard of people doing that for decades. Having no bed, just sitting all the time. So it's possible. The only good thing is: you can always stop doing it if suffering gets too bad. Get voluntarily raped by God until you can no longer take God's dick (metaphorically). Don't go down a pointless rabbit hole of suffering. I speak from personal experience when I say that no awakening is worth the suffering. Liberation is real, however glimpses of the nature of reality/consciousness don't guarantee a reduction of suffering! "I don't know anyone who got enlightened from psychedelics, but I know some people that got psychosis from it" -Shunyamurti. "No amount of objects of consciousness can lead you to know who you are" - Rupert Spira. "Meeh, I prefered the sober awakening because I was much more grounded" -Adyashanti. "I'm going to prove to you that I am an alien: ' hong kong, hong kong, hong kong, beijing beijing beijing, weep weep weep, korea, nosik nosik nosik, ouijikimininini, canada, canada, canadacake. eyfrey toray DVD toray. Deee Deeee Deeee' " - Connor Murphy

Egosyntonic and egodystonic. 5 factor model used in Dsm manual. In psychoanalysis, egosyntonic refers to the behaviors, values, and feelings that are in harmony with or acceptable to the needs and goals of the ego, or consistent with one's ideal self-image. Egodystonic (or ego alien is the opposite, referring to thoughts and behaviors (dreams, compulsions, desires, etc.) that are in conflict, or dissonant, with the needs and goals of the ego, or, further, in conflict with a person's ideal self-image. Abnormal psychology has studied egosyntonic and egodystonic concepts in some detail. Many personality disorders are egosyntonic, which makes their treatment difficult as the patients may not perceive anything wrong and view their perceptions and behavior as reasonable and appropriate.For example, a person with narcissistic personality disorder has an excessively positive self-regard and rejects suggestions that challenge this viewpoint. This corresponds to the general concept in psychiatry of poor insight. (I think I'll call it poor self understanding.) Anorexia nervosa, a difficult-to-treat (formerly considered an Axis I disorder before the release of the DSM 5) characterized by a distorted body image and fear of gaining weight, is also considered egosyntonic because many of its sufferers deny that they have a problem. (poor self understanding and denial basically). Problem gambling, however, is only sometimes seen as egosyntonic, depending partly on the reactions of the individual involved and whether they know that their gambling is problematic. An illustration of the differences between an egodystonic and egosyntonic mental disorder is in comparing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. OCD is considered to be egodystonic as the thoughts and compulsions experienced or expressed are not consistent with the individual's self-perception, meaning the patient realizes the obsessions are unreasonable and are often distressed by their obsessions. In contrast, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is egosyntonic, as the patient generally perceives their obsession with orderliness, perfectionism, and control, as reasonable and even desirable. ☕☕☕ For example an egosyntonic NPD victim will not realize that their symptoms are harmful to others around them. Whereas an egodystonic NPD patient will realize that their symptoms are not what they truly desire, they don't accept them, don't justify them, realize that others are being affected or harmed by their behaviors and want some degree of control and recovery technique to get out of it and be more normal.

One of the hard spots I'm facing is this forum I don't feel supported here still. There's a gnawing sensation in me that some people just hate me for absolutely bogus reasons and out of their own false perceptions of me and projections. I can't help that. Yes I'm a flawed person. But who isn't flawed? Those who truly care about me without ulterior motive will see past my flaws and detect my true nature. I'll have nothing to prove and nothing to defend. When you come like a God to me, I bow in front of you. But if you come to me to control or preach me, sorry but I won't listen to one word you say. I don't need it. Your judgement is not my definition or my truth. So Yea this forum is also a hard spot and I often run into people who tell me things that doesn't accurately describe what I think or how I feel inside, they change it to suit their narrative and tell me something that is completely alien to what I'm thinking. Just because I'm not adept (can't even use this word) at articulating my thoughts doesn't give you the right to misrepresent my mind, my thoughts, my inner sanctum. I call this forum frustration. I'll label it as such. #forumfrustration. This too is one of the hard sports, this forum frustration thing that I'm trying to resolve or find a proper way to handle/deal with it.

This is such a personal topic to me and this is why I'm very nervous beginning it. In this journal I am going to be exploring all of my feelings and experiences about love, what it means to me, how love has been a stranger, close companion, devoted one and me devoted to it. This love is not just love as we call it, this love is my love and how it has experienced itself through me. It feels so alien that love, which is supposedly the deepest and highest expression we can have about life can be treated so casually by the world, rather than searching for every star seeds own sensation of the meaning of this word. We treat it like a cliche but in truth I believe humanity is becoming quickly jaded, I do not want this to happen to me. I want to be open to love again in all ways, in life, in beauty, in lover, in loved, in everything. But where to start... I guess... There's no place like home. What did my parents teach me about love and everyone else around me growing up? What did love mean to me through all of my relationships all the way up to this point? It feels, so confusing but in that confusion I feel these palpitations, old and new feelings rising to the surface as I write this from my soul. I will do my best to update this journal as much as I can but all in all I hope as a reader you can take the time to see how love means to me rather than just what the world thinks of it and maybe too, if we're lucky, what i write can encourage you to join me on this path of love self discovery. Love .

Indeed my perception differs which is why I go on about it. When I do computer programming for example, I don't actually talk to myself in Javascript, that would insanity. No. It is thought, but it's not my internal voice. It's a mixture of images, memories, "knowing", finger memory, intuition and so on, there's hardly internal voice going on at all (except to curse at bugs). It seems completely alien to people that they could actually think without talking to themselves, I find it amusing and weird.