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On the "path to enlightenment" or after, do you come back to society and integrate back into it in a way where you appear as a normal person in society at least on the surface? I keep detaching more from society in terms of how I think and what I believe and I have less of a social need. I still do and want to live in society and be a part of it, I'm just definitely less attached to it than I was. I'm afraid I'll get to a point where I'll be very detached permanently, I think I will always come back to be a part of it but I have this fear I may just keep getting more distant. It seems like more and more people seem asleep to me, I feel more and more alien. Also, if you think I may be doing, or following something, or believing something wrong please let me know, I'm not afraid to take help, and I don't and never have done drugs by the way.

? lol. I know exactly what you mean and can relate to that . It's like in one hand everything is what it is..so it's just obvious. But on the other hand everything is so mysterious and alien to us that we literally have no clue what anything is. We only believe, we really don’t know what is true. The sense of Knowing is only a product of Faith. By belief, i do not mean only for religious beliefs. Belief is more common than you think. Believing is a sign that our senses is interacting with the world. The perception cannot interact without believing. We are constantly choosing what to believe, we are constantly choosing the idea that makes the most sense to us. We have a list of conditions in our brain that helps us to decide what to believe. That list contents the knowledge we have learnt, and the things we have learnt is not necessary truthful. Do we really know the knowledge we have gained from our observations? Have you doubted your own knowledge? Why do you believe your senses while you are observing? Could your senses be lying to you? By only believing in your senses is already an act of faith. We see it, we believe it, and we know it. What we know is what we believe, it is our perception that is interacting with the world. The perception cannot reach what has not been touched by it, we cannot know what is beyond. What we have known is only a belief.

Tina is such an accurate mood. Taking an interim from more formal posts for a week or two... I've been sick for the past few days with a cold, so while in bed I've been working on my demon-guy fantasy - how I want it to play out for my bardo scene. Sometimes when life gets stressful or lonely, I like to fall back into a little world for a while, right before bed and right when I wake up and expand upon it. What I've got so far - in the astral plane, when human souls are being returned back to their place of origin, some of them get caught in the gravity of this planet. It is made of dark material/miasma, but functions similarly to the human realm - except that things are more easily manifest here - the beings here often hunt for their own food in the astral, beings/animals made of light. They are taken, ground or chopped and made into good foods that don't spoil. Everything is put together using a kind of collective imagination, there are still streets to walk down - no cars, plants and things such as this - cities and neighborhoods, but it isn't as thick of a realm as planet earth and things are a bit more malleable. So anyways, some get caught in the gravity of this planet on the way back to their own dimension, and are usually treated as a normal, but uneventful phenomenon. They aren't really seen, aren't given much help, and most do eventually find their way back on the right path to where they need to go. These beings look just like humans, except they all have black hair, ice blue eyes that cover the entire eye with a small, thin pupil and are 6.5-8 feet tall. A large portion of their society is based on eating the flesh from creatures of light, so they are able to turn into large black wolves and hunt in the astral plane in packs. They're made from the same substance that brings disarray to the human world, evil, strife and whatnot, but in themselves are a very compassionate and balanced society. They aren't evil, they just happen to be born from the other stuff. They live forever, and stop growing at around 30. Every year, the miasma makes about three our four new souls and the society cares for them into adulthood. They don't have children of their own. It's very much a male is a male and a female is a female society - they are energetically balanced, with men often growing a few thousand years before the women, and the women taking on a more submissive role. Men hunt, provide, women supplicate and fawn over them. Shit like that. Very cis. They have an energetic center in their chests that allows them to soul bond, women bring it outwards into the men, and like a key and lock, it takes a few years at times to get it just right, it eventually clicks. It's a social, but mostly partner-based society. A large portion of what activates and helps their society is this pair-binding function. They don't have things such as war, famine, greed, over population, none of this. So, about my partner - my imaginary after-death bardo boo. His name is Matt. And he is peculiar. He doesn't like members of his own species, and he doesn't know why. He likes human souls. A lot. He is 7 feet tall, with a stunning angular face. He's an excellent hunter and amassed a large portion of wealth over a period of a thousand years being a world famous chef - who would use the ingredients that he caught and hunted himself and owned a chain of restaurants for a while. He had tried getting along with women of his own kid, even sleeping with them, but the gravity in the center of him never went off - he just wasn't into it. Before he had let his business go, he noticed a human female soul wandering around and offered to help her find her way back to her own realm. He brought her to his home and took note that food made from the light was also very healthy for a human soul. They could eat the same things. He realized that he had a soft spot for them, and when he retired from the restaurant business, he began to actively seek out lost human souls and would help them get back to their homes. In this process he realized he was attracted to the human women. He wasn't a creep, though, and didn't do anything with them or insinuate that he was attracted to them. Friends of his would question him on why he hadn't found a partner yet, it was beginning to get a little unusual. He finally came clean and told them about his fetish for human women. This wasn't even heard of among their kind. He was just some rare anomaly. They tried to explain to him that humans were a lower species, that they came from a more dense planet, that the destiny of their lives and souls were completely different. They were meant to reincarnate over and over again until they completed some sort of cycle, while these beings were made from the energy of darkness and lived forever - and the darkness - within reason, consumes the light. This is why they were so balanced, not taking more than they should of anything, living by the natural laws of energetic balance. They wanted to know, can a human even love the way that we can? Do they bond to their partners the way we do? We aren't compatible, it wasn't a possibility. They tried to set him up with different women, none of which he showed any interest in. He explained that he loved their fragility, their imbalance, their fleeting little lives, he loved how innocent and starstruck they looked when they arrived here by accident and that it made him feel good to help them find their way back. No one could understand it. He accepted it. He would just live his life alone, he couldn't change who he was. He was viewed with respect and pity at the same time. Respect for the work he accomplished, the money he made, the skills he had, but pitied for being cursed to be in love with creatures that were incompatible. But then the events from "Eat it, Annie" happened and the right human fell into his lap. He learned that humans could bond in the same way that he could, that as long as there was a genuine connection there, that everything was compatible. When I slept, my soul siphoned off information as to who I was before I had died. I was a human woman, who had a hard life. I was lonely. I also felt incompatible with the world, weird, strange, and that nothing that I did fit or worked right. I had spent my whole life wanting something in life that I knew didn't exist, being who and what I was, and after my family passed away - I committed suicide. He could see it, and feel it all. Taking the pills. Having seizures on the floor before passing out and my soul leaving my body. But when my soul passed through the tunnel in the astral realm, it wasn't tilted towards where he lived, like the others - it had been moved there, a trajectory had been made. My soul was dropped here for a reason. He felt as though God had handed him a human of his own. He had his own little human to care for and to protect and we had bonded in a normal manner. The key fit the lock. He knew that his friends and others of his own kind that knew of him would be aware of this gravitational pull in his chest - meaning that an integral part of who he was was activated, and he knew they would smell a human on him and he wondered what their reactions would be. His species was completely neutral to humans, and so there was nothing to worry about, but being creatures of long standing tradition and a sense of general energetic balance, this was something not heard of or understood at all. He felt protective, knowing that I came from a place where life was more difficult, he wanted to hunt and to make food, to manage the home, to keep me there like a little pet. I would stay there with him forever - sent there by God to offer some relief to a lonely alien monster - to learn about what his species knew of the cosmos, of reality, and I would accept his home and his food and his way of living graciously. His friends and acquaintances had come to accept it. They viewed it as a one-time anomaly and made the decision that to have a human at all was preferable to being alone, but they couldn't understand it. The dynamic was quite skewed. He was much older, by thousands of years and had the wisdom and the meditative patience that those from the human world had never seen before. The amassed wisdom and balance that these creatures of darkness had managed to obtain was something to envy. Not many beings made from the darkness were able to create civilizations, let alone ones that were based on communal effort, tradition, work ethic and empathy. These creatures had a lot of empathy and love for their own kind, and struck a balance with the light, where they never hunted more than their share - and he had more empathy and compassion than even most of his own kind. To share in what he knew with a soft, vulnerable human is what made him feel like a male. To him, human souls were small and doll like - he liked the power imbalance and of being able to share the novelty of his life with something completely out of the ordinary. He knew of God, and of God's goodness, but hadn't expected that a soul would be brought to him, just for him. He felt very grateful. Creatures of the darkness were not often bestowed as many gifts as those that were light oriented - no matter how generous or neutral they were. That's all I got. I'm trying to expand on the traditions of these people, how things are manifest into their world, what a soul-bond entails between one of them and a human and how that works, the type of animals that they hunt and the cuisine that they make, what they look like as wolves, how exactly Matt helps the souls of humans - I don't know exactly how he got them on the right track to go back to where they belong, they don't use cars - so what sort of transportation they take, yadda yadda. After a few months, I'll have a fully detailed little world to fall back on for maximum cope. I like this one, this one is actually fun. And 'cause in this fantasy I'm like - fucken dead, I'm all hot again, so I don't feel like a total troll. It's a win-win. I hope my soul does get whisked away to some other place after death, to be with some dark demon man. They say everyone has their match - maybe mine is not part of this dimension?

Hi guys I have been a silent follower of this forum for a while but never saw enough meaning in contributing to start writing posts. The reason being that I still saw myself as a mental masturbator that didn't have enough to show for himself so that he could add value to a blog. Leo changed my mind with his last video containing his poetic description of god consciousness. His trajectory of sharing beauty through more artistic means deeply resonated with me, and I now officially qualify myself as being beautiful enough to stop hoarding it all to myself, as well as finally seeing beauty as valuable enough to be a sharable resource. So here is my story of an integration challenge. Before watching leos video last evening, I had gone through a small experiment of my own. With a enjoyably mellow buzz of a trip amping up my lust for adventure, I found myself to be standing at the border of forest and field, in which I desided to lay down and take my Tshirt off. Something I had noticed before is that a benign little bug crawling over your calf can induce unholy amounts of not accepting the tiny lite toe steps on your skin. So I let the occasional ant critter explore my body scape, at first tensing up in irritation, trying to laugh at the fact that their mighty little jaws couldn't even pierce through my protective skin armour if they tried. From the depths arose a memory of a film scene in an indiana jones movie, in which giant rain forest ants drag some dude into their colony. Silly mainstream media instilling fear into the general populace... but what if my mind was powerful enough to make it real? Facing these thoughts, I felt mostly minor skin discomfort, little peaks and pokes and stings, myself reminding me of the possible sadistic nature of ants towards human beings. Some part of me found it silly to worry about insects, so I found peace with them just wandering around like traveling merchants in a desert. It was a relatively easy challenge, since I was just facing thoughts and didn't have to embody into some actual crazy 4d world like leo did with the raptors and the alien queen, but my intimate relationships with ants on my body has slightly improved. I think the deep underlaying fear at work here is the idea of accelerated decomposion of ones body. But the ant world is beautiful, so let the little worker ants do their metabolism of rearranging your bodily elements and fuse you with the megaorganism of the jungle, i guess. I would be interested in hearing about your experiences in which, with or without drug aidance, you were brave enough to face some actual threat in a "safe" and conscious way, therby being able deconstruct the fear and coming out the deep end with more trust towards the universe? Lets help eachother to show that there is nothing to be afraid of! Thank you leo for the radiant beauty of the story you posted and for being a role model of actually interacting with life face first. Much love to all❤️

@JuliusCaesar I'm assuming most who read these are adults, and some younger or older. Language might not capture reality exactly, but language can be a building point to better conceptualization, so I'm constructing these definitions, to make you and others build this into your minds too, clear distinctions before going deeper. I just see some people really struggle to make sense of Crysty, whether to call her a spirit, or a ghost, or an alien, or an imaginary friend, and so on. I'll on occasion do this in the future as well.

@Swarnim alright, I sort of just feel alien sometimes, like everyone else is asleep which sort of makes it feel like it's no big deal to walk away from it, not that I want to, but it feels scary easy. I think a spiritual ego might also make you cling to some concept of spirituality you have and lead you down the wrong path, I think the other guys are saying don't get attached to something "spiritual" either.

No need to dramatize. The more alien I become, the more outcast I am it is actually easier for me to for example enjoy talking to my borderline asleep mother. Because of enlightement you see the beauty even in people. You may have periods of total seclusion, and then periods of gratitute for the illusion of other and will again immerse yourself in more social activities. Everyone has their theme. Yours may be to be totally secluded or totally social or any combination. Enlightment does not change that.

I did a lot of interesting research on this topic. For some reason the topic of ufos overlaps with consciousness, psychedelics, psychic powers, and more. I don't understand why, but there are some who claim to contact alien entities through psychedelics. The military has not confirmed that they are aliens, but they have not ruled it out either. If they are aliens, then I have some plans for addressing them. My first idea is to expand the civil rights act to include intelligent creatures from other planets. So long as they come in peace they should be granted equal rights to humans. This would be the first peace offering to them. Maybe this should be extended to universal human rights for all countries as we try to build a good relationship with aliens and encourage public acceptance of ufos. I think the United nations should make a plan for what the aliens should do to demonstrate that they come in peace. I think the best place for them to do that would be through the rovers on mars. They are not from mars, but it will keep a distance from them so we don't have ufos flying around us as they may attack us. The aliens should translate their reasons for coming such that we can understand it through the rovers And then show their face to the camera. If they do this, then it will be our standard for a peace offering from aliens. It is entirely possible that they are not peaceful because they have remained ambiguous about their intentions. There was also an attack on colores Brazil in 1977 and there were some unexplained cattle mutilations. Furthermore it is possible that alien abductions are real and the aliens should explain why they did these things. If they don't then it will cast doubt on their intentions and our suspicions may not be dispelled. another idea I have is to give the aliens free access to our livestock because they seem to like it. Of course this would be after they confirm that they were responsible. As it stands right now if the aliens decided to attack the earth, I think humanity would be screwed. Just look at how much NATO struggles with ISIS. The United States constantly pulls out troops prematurely for the sake of making political stunts, only for something to go wrong shortly thereafter. The military was upset with Donald trump for betraying the Kurds And this is why the military voted for Biden, helping him to win. On top of that the United States is still defending Saudi Arabia for its crimes because without them as an ally our gas prices would be even higher. Humanity does not seem to have the ability to cooperate at such an unprecedented level As to repel an alien invasion. We should not panic, but we should be cautious because we do not know why these machines are observing us. In order to prepare for a potential invasion, governments from all over the world would have to share their information on ufos. This would give us our best chance of reverse engineering them. Currently, we have failed because parts of the machines are made of magnesium bismuth and deliberately designed down to the atom. Modern scientists are unable to replicate this and the laws of physics are being violated by the movements of the machines. It demonstrates how little we understand reality. I think the aliens are most likely peaceful because they could have conquered much sooner if they wanted our resources so badly. If aliens are able to build such highly advanced technology, then they must have some level of cooperation involved, and this implies a sense of morality. This moral compass should be much more evolved than human morality as well. Still we can't be sure. If they are peaceful, then humanity needs to show kindness to each other to show that we are not a threat and they may reveal themselves. If they are not peaceful, then humanity still needs to get to the point that we are not at war with ourselves. Either way a world government is necessary for addressing intelligent creatures from other planets. This is idealistic, but I am just putting out what level of cooperation humanity must have to address the aliens. How do you think we should approach this issue?

@Pateedm Do you mean you saw an actual alien or a man who saw an alien? If it was an alien, what did it look like? was it short, black, soft, and wearing a silver mask which acts as a translator while having the ability to teleport? This was a description given by a member of the Brazilian military. I don't know if I believe it or not because I haven't met an alien. Did he say anything? Where was he? Can you tell us more? There are several reports from military personal that may correspond to your description. I have done research on cattle mutilation and its relationship with ufos. I was stunned that this story corresponds to the rest of the research on cattle mutilation.

@Blackhawk If you have a better idea, I would be happy to hear it. My idea is that if the aliens came to Earth directly, then it may be interpreted as a threat or potential attack. The idea is to keep some immediate distance between us while they discuss their intentions with us from afar. I may seem funny, but the public policy for UFOs is lacking and we need to make some kind of system for determining whether they come in peace or not. Of course they could be lying and there might be a better system. I am not trolling. I am being serious. I am trying to find some public policies that could be used to invite peaceful alien entities to our planet. Maybe offering them equal rights to humans on the grounds that they come in peace would help our relationship with them and avoid a potential war or invasion.

This is the most accurate description of god I've seen so far. Foolish, prideless and decadent... @Razard86 God is a joke indeed. I don't think there are 8 billion people on the planet. First of all there is no planet, there only exists what's in our bubble of experience at any given time and that includes a very limited number of NPCs. There are more people through videos and the like but these people are all mirages, they have no inner experience. Reality should be skewed in favor of the one who is holding the bubble of experience, it's only logical but that's not how it works. God has other plans. The life of this ego is just a storyline and damn the suffering, the story is all that matters. If people were real and had inner experiences I would actually accept my current circumstances more easily because it'd be the consequence of living among many but once you know it's all an illusion it's hard to cope with. I've become sick and twisted myself where I used to be a light filled with hope because now all I wish is that absolutely everyone disappeared. I wish to live as the empty void but god has other plans for my life and I won't have the release that I seek anytime soon. There is also the fact that I wasn't completely responsible for what happened to me. I was manipulated and fooled by alien encounters, out of body experiences and the like that led me to believe I was making the right choices. It was all an orchestration to deceive me just like the entire world is an orchestration of self deception. I didn't expect the self deception to be so singularly targeted. In an ideal world you all would automatically know all my experiences because in truth you're all me but god imagines this annoying separation. Living in the illusion of the dream after knowing it's all an illusion and having reality not changing with that knowledge is another thorn on my side. Once you know, if this was good game design, reality would shift with your understanding of it but no. You have to cope with it no matter how much you know it is all a complete fantasy. I wrote this post in hopes of getting some good feedback from the subconscious which is running the whole show. I sure as hell would like that everyone manifest whatever they needed instantly, including me. Boredom doesn't have to exist. Everything is constructed, god chooses what it feels at any given moment. You could be getting impaled and feeling humour and no pain or boundless joy. God is matching feelings with appearances so the feeling of boredom is a complete artificiality. Boredom need not ever exist. I'm not playing the role of game designer, I'm playing the game. The game is not fun to play when it is too challenging. As a game designer maybe it would have been fun but that shit is happening unconsciously. Actually the game could be fun while being challenging if only god changed my state of mind or consciousness towards that but god wants to experience everything so it doesn't deny any particular experience which is just complete insanity no matter how you slice it

Yep, that's a big part of it. But it's also just that they're all really good with strong visionaries behind them. Star Trek - goal oriented, visionary, abstract, futuristic, existential, very tier 2, power dynamics, stakes, broad scale, ambitious, curious, happy but also dark. Anime - goal oriented, character oriented, abstract, power dynamics, ambitious, curious, often existential, often broad scale, often futuristic/sci-fi, both dark and light, cute but also dark. Breaking Bad - goal oriented, character oriented, power dynamics, ambitious, thriller, existential (motivations-in-life), very dark with some light. GoT - goal oriented, character oriented, power dynamics, ambitious, thriller, existential (value of life), very dark with some light. To really break this down I'd need to write a whole essay, but basically it's contrast and tonality. Why does music use scales? To have a focal centre within frequency. Well music is no different to stories. Stories also have a focal centre, just in the form of a protagonist and/or an objective. Music's usually either happy or melancholic, major/minor, and stories, too, are usually either one. I listen almost exclusively to music in minor, and the same goes for my taste in stories, I like them like GoT, a bit dark. Then there's the arrangement. In music I like a good exposition to capture my attention, then a long, intense build up, and then a crazy climax. In stories my preference is 100% identical. That's why isekais are so common in anime. Isekais, naturally, have a powerful exposition as they just throw you into a whole new world! Now, why do I like such an arrangement? Why do I like dark stories and music? Why do I like climaxes? Contrast. Going from nothing into an exposition = contrast. Going from a build up to a satisfying climax = contrast. Light within darkness shines more brightly than darkness within light = contrast. Light/dark, happy/sad, bright-colors/dark-colors, future/past, cute/ugly, fortune/tragedy, etc. The more contrasting elements you have, the better. Just think about your favorite series and you'll probably find there's a lot of contrasting elements to them. Made in Abyss is a good example. Has every extreme, and that's why it's the best anime of the current anime season. But anime, in general, has much more contrast than live action series. No problem switching back and forth between an alien planet, space, and a medieval civilization. This would be near impossible with live action as you'd need to build expensive sets, and is why Avatar 2 is taking over a decade to make. I guess I left out complexity. That's another important one, but only comes after the previous two. Complexity must be a result of the other two factors. Edit: omg.. I just said I won't be writing an essay, and somehow ended up writing one????

I don't know, it's too weird to explain..... It feels like you are quite literally talking to yourself in a dream, and it has nothing to do with whether or not person B is watching you watching them. Your sentience and their sentience seems to unite to become part of a singular whole, irrespective of whether we are individuals in how we discuss it now. It's VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY alien to how we feel currently. VERY alien. But most similar to lucid dreaming and having a conversation with another character, and you start stirring in your sleep and waking up. And how that dream and the character and everything sort of fade and then you open your eyes in bed. The sensation is quite like that.

And it even is possible for me to become a totally different person, or an alien even, who has always been an alien, with the memories and biology and history etc of that alien. Or I can even become a bird, as, again, a being that has always been a bird, in a sense like the butterfly story of Chuang Tzu. This Holy Shit is frickin limitless, but It is limiting itself to not lose its mind, to stay sane, mmmm. To evolve with sanity, peacefully and in a satisfying, in a sense, way, perhaps, hmm, or something like that.

The story that you were spit by mother two days ago and the story that you were given birth to by your mother, say, 35 years ago are both real stories. The story that you were an alien two minutes ago and the story that you were still the human that you were two minutes ago are both real stories. The only difference, and it is an important difference for some reason, maybe because Consciousness at Large has some sort of an intentionality in Its modality of being in this mode of experience that we are perceiving, is that one of those stories are relevant and more meaningful and more belivable by us, or by Consciousness, whatever you call it, for some reason. It seems to be so, at least on one regard, because you the beingness in this modality of being has some sort of a momentum, or like a directionality of being, to perceive and experience yourself in the mode that you do, and, in a sense, It knows Itself in the mode that you be.

It's so weird being in here, writing stuff he will never read. Because I'm so used to this forum meaning him. Discussions with him and thoughts about him and me checking if he was online regularly if we didn't speak, worrying when his content seemed too much up in the clouds, worrying when he didn't write anything at all. I looked up to him so much, I was so amazed by his mind. But I was also so angry at him for spending so much time being in his own head thinking about God instead of just living and being and breathing with me. There's a memory I had forgotten, but it has kept returning after he has died. I had moved to the other city then, to study, but we talked on the phone, of course, It wasn't during one of the break periods. But I remember I was still surprised that he called me. That it was me he called. He was in shock, he had fallen off his bike, you know he used to drive so fast and recklessly it was insane, with his long-limbed alien-body no one could control - him the least! When I remember it, I can see him as if I am standing next to him looking at his wounds in the bathroom mirror, but it was just a phone call. He was laughing almost, from the shock, he said he probably should go to the hospital. he described his wounded face to me. There's something about that memory, I think it comes up because it felt so normal and earthly and I felt so... Like if by calling me, he said to me - yes, you are the one I call when I'm hurt and don't know what to do. And I felt able to comfort him. And included. I asked if I should come to his city and go with him to the hospital. He of course said no, but I should not have listened. Before he died I don't think I really understood regret. I thought I could go through life without ever regretting anything - because everything happens for a reason right. And the universe has a plan. I do still believe that. I can never not believe that, and he wouldn't have wanted me to. He would laugh at me if I lost faith, I can almost hear him. Rolling his eyes at me - like God in all is the most obvious thing. But fuck, what I wouldn't give to be able to turn back time and take that fucking two-hour train ride to sit with him in that fucking hospital, holding his hand. Pressing my head against his chest. Kissing his shoulder and neck and fingers. And now I'm crying and it's probably better to stop writing now because I really think I should do this in small steps. I think it could be good for me though, to write about it in here. I feel people in here know him in a way that is comforting to me. They know his mind and his words and his empathy and all of his stupid trips and contemplations.

in our apparent reality, everything has an origin, a development and an end. we can't think of anything that doesn't follow those rules. but reality is absolute and works according to other laws. it is something alien to us, incomprehensible. but that is the reality. there is no origin, there is no time, there is no limit. it is something normal if you are absolute. the same as it is normal to have a beginning and an end if you are relative. only that the relative is apparent. really, it is absolute. that is, the relative is an illusion. there really is no beginning or end of anything

Date: 27.07.21 - 28.07.21 Prep: Meditation + Intentions for 30 min Ingestion Time: 20:30 Amount: 800µg LSD Duration total: 20h Onset: 2h - 21:00-23:00 Peak: 5h - 23:00 - 04:00 Offset: 6h - 04:00 - 10:00 Afterglow: 7h - 10:00 - 17:00 Note: This is an approximation I also smoked smoke weed (pure) during the trip super silver haze that is very strong and potentiated the trip a lot at the peak. I did not even smoke a lot. Because it was to intense, I stopped but I wanted to deepen the trip. Prep: Meditated for 30 minutes with a mindfulness techniques with a don't know open monitoring focus stance. Created a couple of intentions in my journal what the trip should be about and what I want to explore and learn. Onset: 2h: First I took 3 tabs as I was unsure if I should really go for the 800. I thought beforehand what I wanted to do and I just listend to some music and played video games. While I chew on the tabs to not sink into boredom and create positive feelings of joy/pleasure beforehand. Basically activating my inner child. So I played Leauge of Legends for 30 minutes while chewing on the tab ARAM mode. I don't recall if we won or lost I just really wanted to listen to music and play video games as I enjoyed this as a teen/kid. After that I listend to music and started to notice the trip is coming on stronger. I thought about my true intentions and not the come up experience and noticed there is a deep desire in me to meditate and transcend. It was almost to strong I intuited I should not meditate to not further potentiate the trip and cause a kriya experience. Sort of a more balanced approach instead of recklessly exploring an already intense experience. I started to watch videos from various teachers and to subtely meditate. Like I do when walking/eating/driving/ and introduce a lowkey softcore form of background meditation and started to just watch for mental activity and activity in general while watching videos from Leo. For example about god realization as well as from Shinzen Young expansion and contraction flow. I notice the trip comes on stronger and I see the opportuntity to go for the 4th tab. My visual phenomena was still relatively normal in contrast to my experiences with 1P-LSD and ETH-LAD slight drifters and if I had to see stuff drifting I'd really had to focus. Somehow after this I got sucked into more conscious and personally passionate indepdent channels about science/biology/philosohpy/politics like Veritasium, Lex Fridman, Hubermanlab I was so curious to explore their perspectives and to see their level of consciouness. I keept internally checking in if there was any signs of ego death, dissolving, bangha, siddih type experiences, internal geometric patterns etc. I noticed this now I did not once close my eyes during the trip and meditate. I know why I will get to it later. In short it was fear of to much depth and a kriya experience. Basically fear of the causal state. After checking-in (going inside) I keept my softcore meditation going while exploring consciouness in digital space let's say. Peak: 5h: At 23:00 I notice I am peaking while watching some video I watched so many people and explored their perspectives like Sam Harris and how they seem to meditate. I had like the most synchronistic craziest algorithmic YouTube dopamine blackbox deep drift into some blackhat gamified algorithm. It basically forced me to consistently watch the next video. All topics from biology and society how ido movement is practied how it feels like how he experiences doing these ido movements I also watched everything in 2x this seemed very magical to me. As they sort of skipped all unconscious conversations as it was really about awarness, meditation and consciouness mixed with science etc like this. I watched all videos in full length at 2x while meditating I do this also while exercising although that is to much with audiobooks sometimes, when not doing cardio. So basically I am "perma" meditating. When I am conscious of it in a passive stance and not active. Afer this I got a train load of insights about what is happening in the world on the planet just on an information spectrum it felt like an omniscient download, altough I notice I have to not delude myself and thought I mean as long as it's true very true to this experience right now thoughts don't matter. I kept basically slicing mental chatter with mindfulness laser focusing it to death. While watchting the videos. After this I really wanted to enjoy the pleasure side as sort of my inner desire monkey was jumping for excitement and stimulation. Aka my nervous system... back to that later. 23:30 I stopped watching the videos and went to play elden ring as I wanted to explore some cool visual phenomena and the game just looks beautiful on a 240hz monitor with a RTX 3060 with 12gb VRAM. I started the game and I am not very far into it maybe 20-30h and just looked at the landscape as I was mentally so fascinated with the occult and church and religion going through many places in my head I walked through while travelling. I just wanted to look at how death is depicted in general in all cultures and I thought Elden Ring is sort of great when it comes to how western civilization imagens hell/limbo/ or the everbearing battle between good and evil etc. I really was just fascinated by design/code/art and I could not really play the game I got sucked into the beauty of omfg how did they even model this creature like what was the thought behind it? I just explored the area full in fear as I really get like scared by everything I hate horror stuff this is already for me horror or more a jump scare game not horror. I stopped after this because everything started to morph and I absolutely peaked. I got sucked into my chair almost feeling like okay, this is to much. I am definitely now an intermediate tripper, I stopped, went back to the videos and meditated exploring visual phenomena my subconscious goal. As well as exploring consciouness and god realization. The trip was very long so my mind justified it. At one point I got stuck watching a beautiful girl talk about science/cosmology I just stopped and looked at her face as I was unsure if it was morping and I stopped the video and saw her face morph I was like awe-struck for 10-15 minutes in blown into depth. It was a video about science and cosmology. Every video was about life/consciouness and I was so impressed by the work of art of the creator of the videos. I felt a lot of connection towards the amazement of creation/creativity/engineering and just beauty and wonder. I decided to not go deeper and so I did not meditate maybe 5 minutes as the trip was already so intense. It's difficult to describe it in words. Every video I watched had so many information based synchronistic insights. I was just in awe of the constant synthesis nothingless like an ever-cascading wonderland of sheer beautfy of informational depth coming from the infinite mind. I thought about deeper complex questions of god and I was just awe-struck at my own stupidity for not asking these deep questions even more relative ones. Like gods omnipotence, what are considered omnipotent factors? Infinite time? Infinite space? Infinite power? Infinite Consciouness? Infinite Magic? Infinite Creation? How can god even be stopped? What is a limit? What is a contstraint? What is logic? What is a self-reference? Why do I reach back towards myself? Why do I see myself reaching back to my self? I thought about doing UM turn back practice, yet it was all in all to intense and I wanted to explore and not dive in hells deep into a very strong trip. As well as thinking constantly about from and non-form. I was internally deeply relaxed my sense of self was very strongly attenuated. It was more consciouness and I merged more and more in outer space. It was similar to a unification process that happens with hear out technique out techniques from Shinzen and I felt more pan-psychic love equal love for every object that exists in the universe. I was just awe-struck by everything and tried to understand how consciouss the people in the videos are and their thought processes/insights etc. As I also watched Leo/Shinzen/Ralston videos to get more of a taste of non-dual and casual states. I had a lot a lot of insights into cessation and causal state phenomena: I am cracking open some books to describe what I want through. Not in perfection but according to integral theory. As I went into the cessation casual state insights seeing it even in outer phenomenon. I was basically eaten by the clarity of the re-incarnated nature of love. Leo loved me. Shinzen Loved me. In that sense the me the every sense of self that people have and it was like a tear drop of a soul was dropped into every being and it was also my soul in that sense. That would describe the timelessness of the subtle experience... I started to really love the infinite quality of space, infinity quality of potential and imagination. I started to notice this is transcended and an ever deeper state of cessation drops in yet I saw it sort of in outer phenomena as everything was merging and morping and I saw infinite space and depth sort of outside of myself, but not inside myself. It is not easy to describe. I loved pain. I started to love the feeling of pain and it's cessational qualities. My sense of self was ever deeper attenuated I really had to focus to get to the last bits and pulls of it and if I wanted to do that I'd had to go into a deep meditation. Many saints seemed to focus on this path also of subtle self and I felt such a strong conviction of my own saint hood even when I notice my ego still. I was in awe of this clarity of love, spaciouness I could love you in that state if you'd be Hitler I would love you to death as my soul craves this. My theoretical mind went into this ever bearing fractal mode if infinity reaching itself down upwards like my own hand reaching towards my heart telling me and others feel more of this love and bring it to others give them the positive love that they need. All the conversations I watched reminded me about the beauty of being human and travelling. I was so convinced that my LP is the right choice and that I am the ultimate creator. The idea of potency and all the instant informational synchronities that reach back to book to book from book to book to podcast/video etc to memory of memory of memory of memory. Whatever. The evearbearing nature of information at Yellow was so obvious. It's fault it's win-win greed ego good hearted nature. I was just amazed by this double saint experience. I would say I love life and nature more ever deeper than I could imagine. I noticed so much but I need a different space. I would go through some banghda and I really need this people don't understand animal nature and trauma. I kept thinking about how do I explain this to my psychologist, she basically is a robot at TIER 1 with TIER 2 head any conscious phyiscal object that has a sense of consciouness has more depth and I had this sense the whole time. Like what if what if an alien life form lands/robot etc. and we are tested based on consciouness. As well as how it feels to be equal in consciouness with an object given in 3d space time. Oh and I noticed why I love 3's in the enneagram and why effort is such an important topic nowadays imo. I really felt the magic of being a child again had a lot of positive resolving trauma experiences crying that my grandpa died sitting in a wheelchair when I was 6-7 never getting to know the person. He communicating with me trying his best to be loving in a sense. All the informational sort of for MBTI fans. SI transformational nature for NI driven INFJ it was hell. Hell loving itself and back. Like imagine an SI person torturing me with factual/registered information/ list after list after list. I noticed my perosnal ego craves this transformation. It was the hell it was seeking to transform and I was so thankful that my memory is of emotional and not factual nature. I cried at siddih stuff. I can't believe it I can't believe i trust my perception and it's accurate and I keep doubting consciously. Doubt/cessation doub cessation. Full stop. Relax. Gone. I was just deeply rested in the perceptual truth regardless if it was morphing twisting turning. Everything was truth. Falsehood was truth. Pain was truth etc. After this I watched some Leo video about Don't know and Love and I noticed sort of our subtle personal connection over the years and had like siddih type pheonomena where I am unsure how far I keep deluding myself as I keep playing god. I started to love Leo more and more and saw his good hearted generous nature that seems so misunderstood. It really reminded me of my friend and at one point I just came to the conclusion we are on and the same. Why do i even generate the notion of hate in my head. Just because of collective opinions and backlash and "personal" "grudges" I had. I cried at this infantile human nature and was just thankful that the love connection sort of exists. This also goes for Shinzen and the everbearign nature of good will and forgivness I was just thankful there is no true captial H Hate. Oh I was so thankful for the notion of good in everyone, how we can hold in my own words to consistent ultimate positive regard for each other and each others values and see their god hod / subtle soul in that sense. I kept thinking about questions how I can integrate this with my psychologist as she seems so useless in comparrision to the control I had over this trip and the clarity. I thought I had to bring this back to practice she can't avoid it and I am looking for away to explain as she is super open minded and she has meditative experiences in a tradition where I can explain this theory to her. Even if she will laugh and feel stupid because I have to go over her head to show that I was over her head.... and then translate it into her nature. To give rise to potential. This all happend during the peak if I had to summarize: I loved my double saint nature in myself and the other person Clarity of love, spaciouness, seeing it in space morphing and forming and contrasting colors Expansive self Attenuated self Infinite space, spaciouness, expansivness Everbearing notion of infinity and it's "multiplicative" nature similar to indras net Gods ominpotent nature of me The awesomeness of asking philosophical question and how the observer gives back answers Crazy visual phenomena/ audible hearing my own name Consistent predictions of the mind that are accurate based on information given sort of NI synthesis on super super supe crack this was beyond hyper and I had an omniscient experiences that gave me a taste how schizopherenic experiences happen. The point is just never bellieving anything even if it seems true and to get on with the experience. This is certainly not mainstream. There will not be much validation. This "makiyo" type pheonmena is unspoken gold... for many. Many teachers don't talk about this I am happy Shinzen did varjana and saw deities etc. Insects crawling on him etc. As DMT is soon coming. etc. I had a lot of beautiful subtle inner visions I was in joy and awe of my mind I noticed state is everything there is nothing but state and I loved it structure is state. State is all there is as theory is also a construct that is state... Crazy visual phenomena like seeing myself appear on my screen / my face for a brief time Love of a saint loving all beings equally deeply from a place of no-self Abundance Ultimate positive regard Seeing my own saint hood Subtle addicitons To intense of an experience to medtiate Love of death and seeing it's perennial nature More love for the relative self. Panpsychic love Offset: I keept watching videos and started to lay down in my bed as I noticed the peak is ending and everything is still morphing and bubling I felt a lot of abundance and how important it is to be confident in life and have a strong presence like a lion hunting a gazell. I noticed how contemporary culture demonizes men after talking also to trans people etc. I thought to myself it's very bad and incorrect partially and also very much justified a lot of SJW are correct, they are just to aggressive in their approach. I became very aware of how important autonomey is and how authority is outsourced because of a lack of responsibility. I went through my head how art and culture always displays men white beared men in museums, exhibitions etc. I kept thinkin about my second name which is fking ancient and basically has the meaning of Saturn or is named after the planet of Saturn what that means in roman mythology. How men abuse their power and I kept thinking about healthy masculinity presence abundance just radiating pure strength and joy. How important that is no matter how fragile you are obvious the more you embody the physical nature energy of this feeling. Exercise and meditation I find creates a lot of these abundant masculine transcended ego self experience and I was sort of in awe of how healthy masculinity feels it's positive ever giving nature. It's like a hand reaching out towards you grabbing you making you feel warm. I keept also thinking about the good will qualties of a mother as they seemed very similar. Sort of the love of a saint hood mother not ever letting go of her child infusing it with pure love and good will of morality sort of. Just the notion that morality even exists and that you should love it no matter what even when you do something wrong I will forgive you. This perpetuated itself and I dritfted of slowly becoming sleepy although I could not sleep at all till 18:00 the next day. I smoked some weed and this potentiate the trip a lot way to much by 2-4h approx. I'll leave it at this. I might add and edit later. As this is already a lot to read and I don't know if someone can give me even feedback. Afterglow: Same as offset with just becoming more sleepier nothing very profound just the lasting existence of the profoundness that preceeded continued on. Terminology: Gross: body-mind simply said physiological self with the person self. Subtle: Expansiveness in consciouness, soul self arises more disidentification with gross body, open, luminous, loving clarity, aware of re-incarnated nature of that creates a sense of timelessness(I was digital and physically), higher and wider deep spaciouness Subtle Is not: Awarness of past lifetimes and awarness of specific events more a soul awakening to openess, spaciouness and expansivness without identification with gross releam Causal: Space Time becoming archetypal the matrix basically let's caital M Matrix. I dunno how else to relate more normaly for stage Green, I leave it at this because I had basically casual additction of subtle state I could not let go of the subtle and I did not want to because of fear. It was a lot, yet I am pretty clear I explored subtle space. Mainly love and infinite space. I also thought I really wanted to give Leo feedback as he takes so much time and effort to create these videos I forgot like 90% of my critcism in that sense good feedback. Hope the post helps <3. Side notes/Remarks: I was also amazed how chill Elon seemed to be around Lex. I really thought it was cool to see because I received some insider info and sometimes I panic about politics, it's all a game in the end... hopefully it ends well. I also see every creator watches his videos in 2x. Sort of the repetitive subconscious nature and how well integrate a person seemd was very obvious on 2x.

is the issue that you've created A spiritual ego that's so strong you can't interact with normal people anymore? sounds like you're an alien just came to earth and are trying to figure out what this ego thing is all about. @NoSelfSelf

I haven't done this at all. I said that is the possibility that I consider most likely based on the evidence, but I never said it was definitely the truth. And you're not even really responding to the points I'm raising now. Just because I do not accept blindly that you're talking to a spirit doesn't make me close minded. I just see no more reason to believe it is a spirit than an alien, demon, angel or something that's completely an utterly beyond anyone to create an apt label. You've taken massive offence to what i'm saying, you sound unstable and easy to upset, and now you're trying to out-ego me by saying you're way ahead of me lol. Your ego is the thing most hurt by this. You've done investigations but wont share them, because you're afraid they will be refuted most likely. What does it say about you that you're only willing to share your investigations/proof of it being a spirit with those who aren't going to challenge them, and just believe them? If you were really that certain of yourself, you wouldn't be so easily offended by what I'm saying. You being psychotic is not proven, but it's a possibility that people on this thread should be open to, as the people on here blindly accepting your spirit could be contributing to something unhealthy. It may not be possible for a psychotic person to gain insight into their condition without medication or the correct guidance, so you investigating your own experience may not be enough unfortunately. If you're not psychotic, you could be experiencing something extraordinary, but don't be so certain that it is a spirit, it could be many different things.

I never said I was certain you had a mental illness, I said this could very well be a symptom of a mental illness. Like I said before, it could be a spirit, but it could also be an alien, time traveler, or something beyond words to describe. And yes, it could well be a symptom of psychosis. I'm not saying it is, but it could be. Like I said, if you are so certain your spirit best friend exists, you wouldn't take so much offence. Why would you care what I have to say if you are so sure? Unless you believe hallucinations and delusions do not exist, you accept that people are capable of having mental illness symptoms that cause them to believe they are talking to beings that don't actually exist. And these symptoms can be indistinguishable to reality. I am open minded to many different possibility as to what this is, you are clearly not.

@JuliusCaesar Again, gods are much higher, more evolved forms of life, just as we are more evolved and higher forms than cockroaches. All of us are reflection of the divine and we have that divine spark within and a potentiality to return to source consciousness, however we are not the same, not on the same level. Perhaps it is easier to think of gods as very advanced aliens, to wrap your head around the concept of an avatar. For instance, Vishnu lives on the planet known as Vaikuntha, which is inhabited by beings that are vaguely humanoid, but have blue skin and four arms. There are descriptions of Vaikuntha in the Puranas. Vishnu's main Avatar, Krishna, also had blue skin like his four-armed form and had incredible magical powers even as an infant. In this sense, you can think of an Avatar as a human-alien hybrid. I hope that makes more sense now.

What i tried to say here is that no new rules can be invented in math. Math has only one rule. To be logical. It's a language of logic. 1+1=2 is logical. If 1+1=3, then it's no longer math. No math exists like this. That's why i sayed no new math can be invented. 1=1 is the only math possible. That's why all alien civilizations would arrive at the same math equations. And if somebody understand math in human world, he would understand math in alien world except that symbols would be different. Kinda proves that math and the laws of logic are universal (For now i think this makes sense to me)

You could say the land of America was discovered by the Vikings and Columbus bc it was already there and they just found it and figured out what it was they found. the land itself was created by various physical forces that similarly created the entire Earth. so there are some things that can be both discovered and created. Accounting is a branch of math that I would say was definitely developed for human use. But is there any element of math that exists independent of human experience? the number pi was discovered I would argue and the fundamentals of geometry. Number systems were developed for human use but numerical properties would exist in any possible universe or alien civilization I would think Where do geometry and numerical identities and pi and the Fibonacci sequence come from? I couldn't even alter the universe in such a way that I would change those but I could imagine a universe where the laws of physics were totally different Leo says math is as real as a dog turd but is a dog turd not real?

@UnbornTao yea, it would be very complicated if we started to be ontological. Because from absolute level nothing exists, nothing ever happens, there's no such thing as discoveries and inventions. Without interpretion of reality there's just nondual eternal samadhi. But that's not very helpful for this topic right now imo ? i'd rather stay on a relative human level now and would define "discovered" as that which was found by observation. And "invention" that which doesn't exist, like a pure fanatsy, scy fy movie. For example physics is not an invention because if it were i could just invent new laws every day. What about math then? Can i invent new math every day? I don't think so. I think it's existencial. Here's why i think so. Someone who understands mathematics in a human world would understand alien mathematics just the same way except that they would be using different symbols. But the fact that u'd be able to understand it means it's not just human invention. It's something universal. Because all alien civilizations would arrive at exacly the same equations imo.