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Worries piled high, you're on the edge, you can't let go, you feel the stress, you're so obsessed with all the debts you think you're owed We create that victim inside, no different than suicide and I'll be there no matter what you do, no matter what you choose Cause we can make it through, yes, I know the ordeal, I know how you feel but I believe, yes, I believe in you Just do what you can do What more can you ask, it's not just a task, no matter what happens to you, we can make it through We can make it through Low self esteem, forgot how to dream but you're so tall If you could only see in you what I see there would be no fear at all Cause problems that we start to find have originated in our mind and we have the power and strength to just let go, don't you think I know? Cause we can make it through, yes, I know the ordeal, I know how you feel but I believe, yes, I believe in you Just do what you can do What more can you ask, it's not just a task, no matter what happens to you, we can make it through We can make it through We can make it It's all good, yeah, sits all fine If we can pacify our minds Don't want you to feel left behind Cause I'm right by your side I'm right by your side So no matter what you do

I've been in a bit of a pickle when it comes to moving on from something that happened across 2017 and early 2018. It's by no means the objective worse thing that happened to me- moreover a quick evisceration on the ego that has created a profound backlash. If you aren't in the mood for a more personal, even emotional story, this isn't the post for you. I've retold this story more than once, but I still feel stuck. In part because I feel vast wisdom is to be harvested from this experience, but at the cost of making it harder to be mindfully present. In part because throughout this tale, I was in the wrong in many cases. In some respect, though I still may make it sound like these people were below me in development, I think the opposite was true in some areas. I'll try and keep this brief, though I again warn you, that's not my strong suit. Like many of you, I wasn't bestowed with the environment that fostered learning social graces. In due part because of my own lack of curiosity- I have been largely depressed my whole life, even as a small child. Where youth normally is seen as a time of hopeful imaginativeness, mine was rather nihilistic and hopeless. I lived in a state of mind that the rare good things in my life would be swiftly taken away. Therefore I was rather cold, distrustful and passionatless. I'm happy to report this wasn't a static theme throughout my life. Through taking myself out of crippling environments, fixing some of those warped perceptions I had and finding a life purpose. Problem still being though, I never really made true friends. In fact, I had "friends" thrust onto me, assigned by authority figures in my life. In kindergarten, I had a flicker of something that resembled unabashed friendship, but I had to move schools after an incident where I couldn't manage my anger and...I pushed a chair at a teacher who just had knee surgery. That story doesn't end there though, as mad luck would have it, we would meet again in our freshmen year of high school at a private school. We were strikingly similar in terms of our path in personal development at that point- though not identical in the areas that really counted. I looked past this though, as a desperation to have something good in my life had really begun to snowball. I ignored or allowed behaviors that weren't conducive or even harmful to me to happen from her. We will call her Geena. This person does deserve a hefty amount of credit for one thing though. As you may have inferred, I didn't have the healthiest home life. This culminated at this point in my life when it reached a point where I set it up to where me and my sister essentially ran away. There were many attempts to get CPS involved, but my mother and S.O. at the time were excellent deceivers.We stayed at what I considered was a friends house, and finally, a situation occurred where CPS aggred we should be removed from the house with our mother, and the friends parents agreed to put a roof over our heads.( I am conflicted on if they were or not-either I haven't fully processed this and repressed it, or it has run its course on how I feel about this friend-we will call them Carter) We stayed there for about three months before me and that "friend" had a falling out. Shortly after, me and my sister were asked to move under the guise of financial difficulties to keep us there- I am unsure the full truthfulness of this. A few days later, me, my sibling and the few belongings we were able to keep were dropped off at Geena's house after her mother enthusiastically welcomed the idea of us staying there after Geena made the situation clear. This was the first time I actually felt like I was a part of a functional and healthy family (though of course, that's what I needed at the time, so I was really looking through much of this through rose-colored glasses) and that I truly had a friend in the world. Geena was a fellow creative, and this was around the time I found my life purpose. The location of their house was funnily enough, one street away from the property I hold dearest in my heart to what home feels like. It was in a section nearby the park, with lush trees and calm streets to stroll on in a small town where people can keep their doors unlocked at night. Everything about it felt perfect and safe. Of course the story can't end there though. Because of circumstances I am still unaware of, we weren't permitted to stay there. I know the mother really wanted us to- even throwing us a send off party the night before we were set to go to a foster home. Long story short, the foster home was just awful. Me and my sister hovered between starving and being fed enough to make the social workers happy. The foster parents were emotionally abusive in pretty extreme ways- following strict guidelines least we find out what others cruelties she was capable of. Thankfully, we only stayed there a few months, though it felt like years. My mom got her shit together, and we moved back with her. Geena still supporting me every step of the way and being there when I needed to vent. We lived in a small apartment, but still in the same small town. It was simple existence, and I felt at peace and worked still on bettering myself and working on my talents. There were a few bumps in the road through the next year- we ended up house hoping with my moms friends a few times at one point, but we ended up at the property I mentioned two paragraphs ago. It is the place I think of when someone says home, even though it wasn't perfect. Something about the location was though. I had my own trailer I lived in on the property, and mostly lived on my own Throughout all the adversity in my life, I managed to be a better student in high school than I had been before. This swell of pride that came from being good academically made me really follow the pursuit of academia and knowledge as a whole. This was a good thing in my life that I created, and I had the flawed belief that I had control over if it was taken away or not. I had already been looking into colleges mid Sophomore year, as my hard work paid off and I was able to start college earlier than most. When my Junior year started, I just felt this perceptive change of sorts. School was another kind of surrogate home for me at one point, but when I returned that year, something just felt...hollow. My friendship with Geena and the recovering one with Carter felt hollow. I broke the friendships off with them when it was clear it wouldn't work out. Even my aspirations felt hollow in some regards. I knew change was needed, and of course you know at this age I didn't make the best decision on how to do that. Short and sweet- I tried to blast through the rest of my needed credits by doing online schooling. Because of how the private school was set up however, none of my credits transferred over. Getting a ride to the private school was unsustainable, so I wasn't able to go back. So I tried going to a public school- and encountered the same problem. This was devastating for me- it was my aspiration to be the first person from my family who actually valued school and didn't drop out. I like to call this period the Depression Maverick, because it really felt like a tidal wave of sadness and numbness crippled me. I had very limited options- and my motivation to pursue them whittled, both my my situation and by my own mental gymnastics. After exhaustive attempts to get my academic life on track, I ended up dropping out. Funny how I could go through a hellacious foster care system and previous home life and move on, but this- this really was a huge shot at my ego, and of course I didn't know how to deal with it yet. It's worth mentioning what that I was working at a fast food pizza place at this point in time. And honestly, the environment there was toxic, but in less obvious ways. (I know, sounds like I can't catch a break, but please remember dear reader, the last thing I want is pity and for you to think I was a complete victim. I wasn't. This story is to help provide context for why I have certain struggles) Most of us were from the small small town, so there was this down-to-earth homely attitude about the place, but since everyone knew eachother in town, it's much risker to wrong your neighbor because someone will lash back in retribution. So basically, it was that classy trope of people pretending to be invested in you and your struggles, and that they were more than just their work, but really, they weren't at all. They would leave psychological scares when they got you alone however, and we usually worked alone with a few other people. I haven't ever really met someone with my personality type up to this point. Usually this makes people lonely, but even at a young age, I knew the dangers of befreinding people too similar to you, and feared one day creating an echochamber between myself and another. I can't say I hoped I'd find someone like me, moreover I thought it was a fantastical impossibility. But of course, I did meet someone eerily similar to me. They worked at the pizza place as well. We will call them Jay. Now Jay- he was very troubled. He quite obviously had a traumatic past, but hadn't mindfully processed these or gotten very deep into self actualizing. Because of this, he lashed out by being rude and critical- to make matters worse, he was indeed a manager. He was in the usual age group of the company I felt comfortable talking to at that point- I've generally related to older people, but all in all, only four years separated our births, which isn't that much time. I was classically shy at this point. But also wary of his downright mean tendencies- he was actually proud of being known as mean and making people cry. He was one of those that relished having control of his life at work, and used his authority to downright bully others. Most genuinely disliked him- our GM was nice to his face but shit-talked about him when he was away. I felt sorry for him. There were some key similarities between us, and though we had similar pasts, he just took a different path. I used to have a mean front too, when I was afraid to show vulnerability. Though I wasn't always cordial in face of his insults, I went out of my way to get to know him in a genuine way and talk with him. I had a big ol' platonic crush on him at this point. But I just didn't feel 1.good enough to be his friend and 2.worried about his odd sliding between very nice and very mean. I thought it wisest not to pursue anything, especially since we worked together. That changed a bit though when he announced he'd be moving to a town 60 miles away for college. Now Jay was the closest thing to a work place friend I had. So when I heard this, my stomach dropped and it genuinely made me sad. At this point we'd worked together for almost 2 years. Fast forward three months. (I realize how almost everything here happens three months later-guess I should've known the pattern by now) I decide to send him a friend request and message on Facebook. He accepts and we have a nice chat. In this chat I noticed he really wasn't doing to well, but didn't seem fully aware of it of it. Though he add friends, I think they were more like my previous "friends" I mentioned. He has gone on to say he only views friends as distractions and entertainment, and it really shows his attitude to tackling his problems-he doesn't. And it sounded like his friends were like-minded, though it isn't really my place to say if they were good or bad. By the sounds of it though, they tore him down and used him, so it's hard not to say my distaste for them was entirely subjective. This next segment is where it gets heavy and personal. Trigger warning for suicide. Through out the time I worked there, I had been financally supporting my family. My mother had gotten a break and honestly, I had to grow up pretty quick. I was also there for emotional and any other support needed. But no one was there for me. And really, all I needed was someone to talk to, and realize I needed to turn inward. Now my loneliness had been mounting for- well, my whole life at this point. I got tired of all my suffering, my nervousness and deceptions. I was going to claim my life and fix it- though "fix" won't be the word that will come to mind when all is said and done. Mistake 1- I reconnected with Geena. Mistake 2- I got into a friendship with Jay Mistake 3- I thought I had turned inward enough at this point, and though had much to learn, I was sagely and enlightened. For more context, this is where I found myself early 2017. The friendship with Jay, to no surprise, wasn't very substantial- very stage orange, where I was pursuing something more yellow or even turquoise. Not having good metrics on how friendships work, I kind of forced the friendship between us. It was very one sided. I was the one to start the conversations, the only one who asked how he was and substantial things akin to personal development. Jay-he already had enough distractions in his life. On reflection, I think he felt like he should care about me, but truthfully he didn't. I...I took the bait when he said he would be there for me, no matter what. And that he liked and valued me- he sold me what I'd been looking for all my life. It was more than a dream come true. Though my academic life was in shambles, that began to matter less and less- that is, until he would offhandedly insult me for not finishing or being in college. With Geena- I am not sure what happened to her, but she went from pretty reliable to very flaky and even cold. She didn't care much about the deeper aspects of contemplating the self either. My friends wanted easy distractions. And I was the only one turning inward and fixing shit, though I pretended it was the other way around for so long. Around this time I went through some really heavy shit. I won't mention all because this is a novel already. But many of my loved ones died, and though we moved in a real house, (and my mom got a job) and I was physically closer too my family, I felt like an outlier and were weren't close . I tolerated bullying at work and by friends. And became nasty to my friends in retaliation. I was frustrated that no one really cared that I was alive. In fact, it seemed like they didn't want me alive in the first place. Turning inward became too painful and I stopped. Instead, I sought validation from my friends. Geena offered me shallow advise equivalent to "tough it out" and Jay-I appreciated his brutal honesty, but with this he also told me he really didn't care if I died or not. If I was gone from his life, he wouldn't feel anything. He just didn't care. But I needed someone to care- or so I thought. Kindness became a very rare thing, and my friends avoided me. I wasn't even allowed to text once a week. To be far, at this point I was really needy. I was drowning and in my attempts to claw myself back up from my sorrow, I cut deep into them. Getting upset when they wouldn't check on me, or avoid talking to me. Months would go by before they'd hang out with me- it was rare. They had the free time to, they just didn't want to. I know it isn't my place to expect people to care about me. I learned that from this experience. But I thought that if they just knew why I was like this, and what was really long...well, they'd have to feel something. I never learned how to express my emotions. I went from being rigidly stotic to a bleeding heart pretty much overnight. I was just so sick of hiding it. I thought all my worrying was probably for naught. It was only in my head they didn't like me. But sometimes, we aren't deceiving ourselves. I went to both of them with suicidal thoughts a couple of times. Neither really offered help. In fact, Geena told me "Just stop, I don't have time for this" the last time I asked for help. Jay called me once, to "make sure I was safe." Jay really confuses me, he would go between saying he cared and then he didn't. This call meant the world to me. It was the one good moment of my 2017, and...he will never know, if he really did care, that he helped. Do not think Jay or Geena are purely evil in this- examples of good they brought- Jay- The aforementioned phone call. Assuring me my problems were validate, and assuring me through text he'd always listen. Coming to visit me the most often. Presenting a willingness to understand my depression and anxiousness. He would be very honest with me and even offered to tutor me in math and help me get into college. Geena-Taking me out places when I was down. Offering me heartfelt compliments when I was sad and at one point, I knew I always had a place to go with her. Also tried to help get me into college. I will focus mainly on this one night that still haunts me. This was August 16nth, 2017. I had come home from a awful day at work and went to my room, alone. Throughout the last few months, I had been really going over in my head how much I suffer and how little control I had over that. This snowballed my suicidal feelings rapidly. Culminating when I just missed the mark by a day for getting into college. Today was when I read the email I wouldn't be getting into college. I remember just sitting there, at first feeling a searing hot pain, then nothing. Then pain again then even more and more and...I did what I do best. I concocted a plan to kill myself and-gosh did I feel better. I remember humming along to a upbeat tone as I researched effective ways. A text from Jay pierced my concentration on this, and it snapped me back half way. I told him what I was doing, and that I needed someone. And at first he talked with me. Being very nice and understanding. But after an hour, he decided he was just going to go to bed (earlier than normal) without checking to make sure I was okay. I made sure to let him know I was still planning to do it. This was me crying for help, but he didn't want to hear it. Long story short, I tried and obviously failed to kill myself. I won't go into details, but I woke up the next morning frustrated and hopeless. And Jay had seen my messages, but did nothing. In retrospect, I think he thought I was lying about not only attempting it, but being serious about it. If he thought I was a liar, I don't think I can blame him for what he did. I wouldn't care all that much either if a mean liar was blowing up my phone all the time. I think it was much easier to believe a lie than the actual truth for him. Later that day, we got into a fight. Where he said he knew he should be groveling, but he just wasn't. He just wasn't going to apologize and he espoused that though he didn't have the desire for me to be dead, he didn't care if I was. And...I'm ashamed to admit but I forgave him! In a time of need in February 2018, when I had made it clear I had just been physically attacked by my mother, was moving and needed a place to sleep for a few nights...he said that though there was couchspace at the place he was roomating, and though he allowed his friends to do this before, it wasn't okay for me. He wouldn't help me, but he came to visit me instead when I had the designated times to pack at where I used to live. Now it doesn't hurt nearly as much, but I'd like to hear your perspectives on this. It's been a while since I've been a bleeding heart, but I hope somewhere in my narrative, there is a lesson for you. What are some ways you move on? I also have considered that perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way. Jay and Geena in some ways were at least stage yellow, where I was a strong green with flecks of yellow. Perhaps I convinced myself they were yellow when they were much more orange, or maybe they were both, and didn't transition through the compassionate side of green. I am still hovering on the strong side of green. I like to think I am a mostly yellow individual now, but I recognize we love to place ourselves higher on the spiral than we really are. My ego would love to say we are 80% turquoise, but realistically, I know better. I feel like I may have had a sloppy transition somewhere through the spiral, maybe you already see where that was?

What is Semen Retention & Semen Retention Benefits? Semen retention is the act of retaining one’s sperm, in order to build up inner energy and transmute one’s sexual energy into productivity, instead of leaking one’s life force, and become involved in low-consciousness behavior. So it all boils down to, that you can’t ejaculate. You can still have sex and masturbate, just without sperming, which can be a bit tricky, but the Semen Retention community got you covered with various techniques, that I will also be sharing with you in this article! By rejecting ejaculations and allowing the body to reabsorb the semen, the body is then using this vital semen to improve overall physical health, emotional stability, cognitive functions and redirect that sexual energy into something more productive and more rational like building a business, improving relationships, learning something new etc. Semen Retention comes in various different expressions in different ancient cultures, but typically the Semen Retention community, is focusing primarily on the ancient Chinese perspective, but Egypt, Greece and Papa New Guinea, also took this concept of Semen Retention seriously. Chinese medicine and Qigong (Qigong is a Chinese system of physical exercises and breathing control, that leads to inner balance and fulfillment), has a deep focus on semen. “Jing” means sexual energy in Chinese, and this primal energy is getting reduced everytime a man has an ejaculation, which is called an “Energy suicide”. Jing is what we come from, Jing is the vital energy that made each of us human, it’s literally the most powerful energy in the universe, if you think about it. Via semen and “Jing”, you’re able to actually create another human being. It is life in it’s most living sense, and it creates life. Astonishing powers! It is called “Energy suicide”, because in the ancient China the typical opinion about semen was, that it was the primal energy of our life, it is the deep foundational ground pillar of your existence as a human being and all the vitamins and minerals it contains, has so much nutritional value, that you keep leaking over and over again, instead of transmuting that powerful energy into something productive, creative etc. Because that is literally what you can do with this powerful semen! The Semen Retention community is focusing a lot on the point of disrespecting and devaluing one’s semen, they want to break up with the old socially and scientifically accepted norm and belief that ejaculation should be healthy. By disrespecting and devaluing ones semen, the main point is, that if you keep leaking your semen all the time, without any reproductional goal, and you’re only doing it for the sake of a few seconds of euphoria, you’re literally shitting on yourself, because by leaking this golden semen all the time, you’re doing “Energy suicide”, as it was described in ancient China. What are the benefits of Semen Retention? The benefits are enormous, and they all can’t possibly be listed here, you have to experience the benefits for yourself, test out Semen retention for yourself (Give it minimum 4 weeks) and you’ll se huge beneficial gains by doing Semen Retention! Improved sense of life purpose Improved positive self-image Improved compassion Improved motivation Better memory Increased energy Increased productivity Increased creativity Increased focus and concentration Baseline of happiness and joy is raised drastically Better sleep And so much more! According to the ancient Chinese knowledge about Semen retention, the reason for all these benefits, are of course because of the vital, creative energy “Jing”, that balances your body completely, and makes you able to live in flow with life, and not out of balance. Don’t you think it’s worth giving it a try? Imagine you can have these semen retention benefits in your body, in 4 weeks, 4 freaking weeks, and you’re feeling immortal, and if you keep it up, it’ll only get better from that point on! If you’re truly serious about develop yourself and attain higher baselines for yourself, I’d definitely choose semen retention over nofap, as there is just more benefits to semen retention, but again it’s also a more difficult approach, I agree, but the benefits exceeds the hurdles. Can you even comprehend the power of all these benefits? Like, how really powerful they are? Imagine if you really had all these benefits, what you would amazingly profound life you would be able to create for yourself, and the way in which you would be influencing the world in a positive and powerful way! It’s important to mention that the benefits come at different speeds, it totally depends on your current history of sexual addiction and your current state of sexual maturity progress. Some people will feel the benefits starts to blossom within a few days of doing semen retention and for others it may take longer, but I can assure that you will feel some difference, within a month at least, and if you keep at it, and go all in, you will seriously get some powers you didn’t even know existed. If you remember we were talking about “Jing” earlier, the life force which you keep inside of you, that is the primal energy source of all good in your life, then it doesn’t take much to realize that if you keep leaking that energy over and over and over again, you’re depleting your body and mind. Which of course means that you’re operating from a very low level of energy. What you put out, is what you get. Low energy -> Low productivity -> Low results -> No semen retention benefits High energy -> High productivity -> High results -> High semen retention benefits Do you ever think about how you’re acting in your day to day life, in terms of consumption vs. production? Without an understanding of this principle, you will never gain any benefits of semen retention. Are you consuming more than you’re producing? You should make it a rule of thumb to always produce and do more, than consume more. Stop watching Netflix, browse social media, eat bad foods and engage in gossip, these are all weighing you down inside, because the deepest core of you, wants to express itself in creative and productive ways. It’s not for the funs that monks and other very conscious and enlightened beings are living an ascetic and spare life, and yet have a vibe and magnitude over them, that is out of this world. Living a lean life, minimalistic and frugal life is the key to happiness and a higher consciousness. What you put out into the world is what you get. Just like you can’t just sit on your couch every single day and watch TV and complain about you’re not reaching your goals, society is shit and you’re depressed. It’s logical that you don’t get the results that you want to achieve, when you don’t put out the energy that needs to be expressed. Maybe you’ve heard of the book “Think and grow rich, by Napoleon Hill” Maybe you haven’t – But just to sum it up, it’s a book about the most essential principles on how to attain a rich life. A bestseller with over 100.000 copies sold as of 2015. Napoleon Hill grew super rich in his financial and personal life, by observing what principles other succesful people were embodying. And a very underrated chapter in his book, is all about retaining ones semen. Where he explains the semen retention benefits of increased sexual energy that is then able to be transmuted into productive energy such as building a business etc. Here is a nice snippet from his other book ”Outwitting The Devil”: “Controlled sex supplies the magnetic force that attracts people to one another. It is the most important factor of a pleasing personality. It gives quality to the tone of the voice and enables one to convey through the voice any feeling desired. It serves, as nothing else can serve, to give motive-power to one’s desires. It keeps the nervous system charged with the energy needed to carry on the work of maintaining the body. It sharpens the imagination and enables tone to create useful ideas.It gives quickness and definiteness to one’s physical and mental movements. It gives one persistence and perseverance in the pursuit of one’s major purpose in life. It is a great antidote for all fear. It gives one immunity against discouragement. It helps to master laziness and procrastination. It gives one physical and mental endurance while under going any form of opposition or defeat. It gives one the fighting qualities necessary under all circumsatnaces for self-defense. In brief, it makes winners and not quitters.” When doing semen retention or nofap, you should be aware of not only the benefits, but also the consequences that may seem negative in the beginning, but carries a seed of positivty only. It may very likely be, that you will start to rise up to a higher level of consciousness when doing seminal retention, which means that you will give up bad habits and toxic relationships, start to think in new ways and express yourself much more authentically. This could result in you having to cut off friendships and other relationships that you deep inside of your core now is not good for your personal development, your energy or consciousness for that matter. This can be a very tough pill to swallow, and many don’t do it, even though they should. You should be satisfying yourself, and break free from the bondages of lower consciousness behavior and relations, and as you move up the consciousness ladder, the more conscious you get, the more you can consciously engage in helping people in a lower consciousness to rise up to a higher consciousness, this is what this work is also all about! Making a change in the world and inspiring other people to express themselves as spiritual beings. Raise the vibration of the people of the earth, create positivity and benefit from this higher consciousness, that is what we all need in these times! In fact, this is already happening, but not on a big enough scale. You have to bite the bullet, start listening to yourself and do whatever your heart tells you, don’t be so head, be more heart. Is Seminal Retention harmful? In order for you to gain full benefits of semen retention and not harm yourself, which can happen if you’re not doing it correctly, it is important that you do semen retention in the right way, and with the right intentions. Imagine this raw energy builds up, if you’re not doing anything with it, you can have a lot of stagnant energy, you can amplify your current state of mind, maybe negative emotions, prostate problems etc. If you’re just keeping your energy in your penile area, you are seriously messing up with your body, it’s so easy to release the energy to benefit from semen retention, you can do that in ways like karezza, neo’s etc. We will get into that later. To add on to this thing about your sexual energy, you can’t just go full on celibacy, as we as humans are just driven by this sexual power. It’s all about transmuting it. If you just want to throw in your sexual energy and sexual drive into a closet and close the door, imagine you being at a bach having a plastic beach ball trying to drown it in water, you can never drown it fully, the pressure in the water and the air in the beach ball, will shoot up the ball from the water. That’s exactly how your sexual energy works, and if your mindset is like this, you will never gain semen retention benefits or nofap benefits. So go with the flow. ”The sexual energy always finds a way to express itself.” Prostate issues if you’re not moving your energy around. Massage your penile area and massage your testicles everyday – that is also how to activate the production of hormones, you can use techniques like Microcosmic Orbit Technique on this, to circulate your energy and activated hormones around in your body, you’re super charging your energy, your health and it just feels great! You can also massage the prostate. You can externally massage the prostate through the perineum just by pressing in there and massaging it and there’s also a really great technique when you take a tennis ball, you sit on it. Essentially you might want to put like a towel or something about so it’s not directly on your skin, but you press, as you sit on the tennis ball directly on your perineum to really press into that area, so youre giving yourself like self acupressure there and that helps to break up any stagnant energy og energy blockages in your body. Any man should be doing this! It gives you so many benefits while doing semen retention. About 80% of all men who reach the age of 80 have prostate cancer cells in their prostate! And that is really a serious issue. This is one of the most neglected parts of our bodies, and when we neglect a part of ourselves that’s just asking for unconscious patterns to grow and disease to grow, so it’s important to be in your body to be embodied Handle Your Sexual Energy by Doing Qigong When on Semen Retention Qigong is the art of controlling and circulating ones piled sexual energy, to benefit from semen retention. The work consists of very gentle movements, repeated several times, often by stretching the body, then increasing the fluids in the body (blood, synovial, lymph and cerebrospinal fluids etc.) External and internal movements in Qigong, compared to western exercises, everything is primarily external (running, biking, weightlifting etc.) External and internal movement is required to experience the semen retention benefits fully. Qigong is not that popular in the west yet, because of our way of understanding language in the west, is so much more different than Chinese. So culture and language is really a blockage of westerners learning to do qigong, but luckily you’re here, reading about this, so why not start implementing this into your life and start to handle your sexual energy and raise your consciousness and gain the benefits of seminal retention? Qigong is often used for these following diseases/illnesses Cancer Internal organ ailments Poor circulation Nerve pain Back and joint problems General physical disease Handling sexual energy etc. Inner peace is a biproduct of doing Qigong. It brings you so much inner tranquility and clarity of mind, which then raises your awareness of your inner energies, and makes you capable of transforming this sexual energy from the semen retention, in the best way possible, to use this sexual energy as the driving force for the desired results you wan to achieve in your life. This is personally for me, one of the coolest benefits of semen retention when doing qi gong! Therefore Qigong is a really great practice, because it helps you crystallizing your mind and remove the pollution from your monkey mind, it makes you see clearly and know where to go on your journey. The practice of Qigong helps with managing stress, anger, anxiety, grief, depression, negative though patterns, brain fog etc. If you wish to learn more about the art and science of chinese energy healing and qigong, I suggest you check out this book ”The Way of Qigong: The Art and Science of Energy Healing”, It’s a really comprehensive and well-researched book, that is perfect for the beginner and even the advanced practitioner of Qigong. It explains the Qigong exercises as well as scientific and medical background on how it works. Maybe you’ve heard about energy blocks before, maybe not? But what I mean by energy blocks, is the same as, if you are on semen retention let’s say, and you’re completely rejecting your sexual location of your body, and just trying to distract yourself from it, you’re also rejecting the sexual energy and power that is building up. That avoidance of that energy and area, is then creating an energy block in that sexual area, which is then going to create all these physical and mental problems for you, if you don’t start to circulate this sexual energy around. Many people and monks who have tried to attain spiritual enlightenment, by doing very tough and daunting meditation techniques and other spiritual work, has damaged their body greatly, for not clearing their energy blocks, before going into this brutal meditation exercises, we don’t want to do that, we are only looking to gain the semen retention benefits, and not the disadvantages. Here are some really good exercises for transmuting your sexual energy via these of Qigong, you can use, when doing Semen Retention, trust me the benefits will be mind boggling! You should definetely check these exercises out, and the information available on this site! By the way, I think it is also important to mention, that Qigong is not associated with any cult or religious beliefs, it is an exercise typically used in the eastern world, to be able to handle ones internal energy, and gain the benefits, which is then useful for you as you’re doing semen retention. Semen Retention benefits VS. NoFap benefits – What is the difference? Semen retention benefits and NoFap benefits are actually not that far from each other. NoFap has these different modes of NoFap, like monk mode, hard mode, light mode, normal mode etc, and they all mean something different. Let me just recap the different NoFap modes here, so you know what I am talking about.. NoFap Light Mode You are allowed to engage in all physical sexual activity (You can masturbate, have sex or whatever..) No porn or fantasizing allowed Doesn’t really give many benefits NoFap Normal Mode You are not allowed to fap at all You are allowed to have sex with a partner Gives decent amount of benefits NoFap Hard Mode Strictly forbidden to fap at all times You are not allowed to have sex No porn, fantasizing, teasing thoughts etc. is allowed Gives a good amount of benefits NoFap Monk Mode Strictly forbidden to fap at all times Strictly forbidden to have sex at all times No toxic behavior of any kind (Quitting bad habits, Social media, etc.) Literally going full monk Best and fastest way to gain NoFap benefits VS. Semen Retention Allowed to engage in any sexual activity, as long as you are not leaking any drop of semen, you are allowed to orgasm via the help of Karezza and or NEO’s (will explain more in depth further down in the article) You are by the rules allowed to watch porn on Semen Retention, but you’re still blocking for some deeper benefits on semen retention when watching porn, as it is low consciousness and can damage your psyche, perception of the world etc. Critique on Semen Retention People don’t believe in the benefits of Semen Retention, because they don’t know how sexual energy is getting transmuted! I believe that NoFap is currently much more accepted on the web, compared to Semen Retention. Many people think of Semen Retention benefits as the biggest bullshit thing ever, that the semen is so valuable and so on. I understand that peoples egos wants to find something wrong with everything, but seriously, if you have an open mind and do some in depth research on the benefits of semen retention and how it all actually works, it should be so obvious that semen retention has some seriously positive benefits. I think we will see both the NoFap and Semen Retention communities grow much more from now on and many years into the future, maybe it will take form in new names, and new ways of doing it, but I am sure people will be more and more conscious of the way they use their semen. Especially if people started to use exercises like Karezza and NEO’s. It’s a win-win situation in my opinion, people just aren’t aware of these opportunities yet. I believe that the active community of semen retention is more mature and has maybe a bigger audience of people, typically adults who have studied things like Chinese medicines, acupuncture, qigong etc. although this is very raw and generalized, I believe this is how it is Nofap is more a starters stepping stone towards personal development for a younger audience, and older of course, but I think you can spot a difference in the maturity on the two subreddits – Not to diss on NoFap at all, I am just as much a supporter of NoFap as I am of Semen Retention, but in the online communities, I feel like the debate in Semen Retention is much more meaningful and deeper than NoFap, and you can have some seriously good debates in the semen retention subreddit. NoFap and Semen Retention is exponentially growing communities But I feel like the world is currently in a very chaotic state of collective mind, but at the same time, the light of hope is growing brighter for each day. It’s like so much chaos is going on, but at the same time people are waking up. More and more people are moving away from atheism, and turn towards buddhism, hinduism, zen buddhism, new age stuff etc. People need something bigger nowadays, and I feel like NoFap and Semen Retention is playing a big role in this collective awakening of society, as it reminds us of our organic homeostatic biological nature, and gives us semen retention benefits such as peace and balance in a super hectic world, because none of us can handle this stress all the time. Not only NoFap and Semen Retention is growing communities, just look at Meditation like mindfulness, visualization, yoga and so on, it’s really fascinating and definitely exciting times to be alive! The benefits of semen retention and nofap really has the powers to wake up the world! Check out the two subreddits here https://www.reddit.com/r/Semenretention/ https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ Can Seminal Retention Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction? Sure, Seminal Retention or Semen Retention and even NoFap has the ability to help you with PIED, but you can’t rely on these tools only. You also have to practice energy work such as Qigong or other exercises like Hatha Yoga or maybe a combination of running and meditation and so on. Imagine if you’re only focusing on your sexual location on your body, then all your energy is stuck there, where your attention goes, energy flows. That is then blocking your blood flow to your veins, which can then lead to Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction. So start doing Semen Retention or NoFap and combine it with an exercise that is focusing on internal and external movement. I would suggest you to do Qigong, Meditation and Yoga, several times a week, for the optimal benefits of semen retention. Many people also combine NoFap or Seminal Retention with cold showers, fasting, weightlifting etc. Which is also of great benefit! Experiment and see what works for you, but remember to don’t be too hard on your body. Can Semen Retention Help With Hair Loss? Absolutely! Just dig around the internet a bit, and you’ll find literally tons of reports and reviews of people doing nofap and semen retention, who have reported that their hairline is coming back and their hair is getting much thicker and feels more healthy, also their skin is much better and many people even cured their acne, thanks to seminal retention! This just tells you something about the amazing powers semen has. So, what is the science behind this harloss? Hair loss is often due to too high Prolactin levels in the body, which then screws not only with your hair, but also internal biological systems, that maintain your hair and so on, so you’re just seeing the outer damage, not the inner. Excessive release of Dopamine by the Hypothalamus also inhibits Prolactin’s secretion. And as you may know, everytime you jerk off, you’re releasing dopamine. Check out this article here, for more information on the study of prolactin and hair loss… How To Lower High Prolactin Levels in Men? Primarily, Prolactin is responsible for stimulating the process of milk production in women, so they can breastfeed their kids (lactogenesis). This Prolactin is found in men as well, actively functioning in over 300 seperate processes. It’s recognized as a hormone with multiple purposes, with one of the widest ranges physiological actions of any hormone. It’s super important for salt and water regulation, metabolism, reproductive behavior, immune system, hormones, the brain and general overall health mentally and physically. High prolactin levels in homo sapiens, is often associated with nurturing and parenting behaviors. In women, prolactin can both strongly increase or decrease ones sexual desire, but this depends on various factors. In men, prolactin suppresses sexual behavior in rats. Higher levels of prolactin decrease the level of estrogen in women and testosterone in men. Although it’s more profound in women. Normal levels of prolaction enhances testosterone and sperm creation. Nonpregnant Women4-23 nanograms per milliliter (ng/mL) or 4-23 micrograms per liter (mcg/L) Men3-15 ng/mL or 3-15 mcg/L Pregnant Women34-386 ng/mL or 34-386 mcg/L Children3.2-20 ng/mL or 3.2-20 mcg/L High prolactin in males can cause: Infertility Low testosterone Low sexual desire Erectile dysfunction A small benign tumor (microprolactinoma) is found in the pituitary of over one-third of women with high levels of prolactin. Hair loss Low prolactin is associated with ovary dysfunction in women. In men low prolactin is associated with: Low testosterone Erectile dysfunction Premature ejaculation Low sperm count Reduced sperm motility Decreased function of seminal vesicles In one study on low prolactin in men, normal sperm function was restored when prolactin levels were raised back to their correct values. In mice without prolactin receptors, the hair cycle is disrupted such that shedding occurred earlier and there was a reduced duration of the telogen phase. For more in depth information about prolactin, I suggest you take a look at this article. Supplements that decrease prolactin levels Mucuna Ginseng (Very powerful) Uridine + Glutamine Ginko Balboa What is Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEO) A non ejaculatory orgasm, is a way to reach orgasm(s), without leaking your valuable semen. It’s accomplished by masturbating or having sex, but having intense control of your penis, you’re controlling your leakage of semen. So you’re literally riding the waves of edging, to such an extent that you reach a dry orgasm or a non ejaculatory orgasm. The word Karezza comes from the Italian word ”Carezza” which means ”Caress” in english. It’s almost like a yogic form of sexual interaction between a man and a woman. The intend in this sexual continence of Karezza or Coitus reservatus, is to have deep, spiritual and meaningful intercourse, by controlling the ejaculation of the man. Instead of ejaculating, the man attempts to remain at the plateu phase, where he never climaxes full on with ejaculation, but rather climaxes on the waves of upcoming orgasms, for as long as possible, which then results in a real orgasm, without ejaculating. This is quite interesting, and people have reported some really crazy benefits from doing this sexual tantric intercourse! I will tell you how to do Karezza in details in just a moment, don’t worry – But first, I just want to share this Karezza report from a reddit user, which I found really amazing and inspiring as well! Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEO) Report From A Reddit User ” For one, it lasted for an hour and a half. I have never had sex for so long in my life (I’m 25, male). Everything was extremely slow, and pretty soon we were both in a state of intoxication as a result of being so deliberate and methodical with our bodies. We began to feel much more of every little sensation that comes with contact; brushing ankles together felt intense, I grabbed her hand and she felt chills down her whole body, the whole experience was like this. Towards the end, I expressed to her a desire for us both to try and see what an orgasm would feel like, even though I know that we need to avoid such things for karezza to be true karezza. We both indulged each other, and I can say, unequivocally, that the orgasm was intense, but not as intense as the moments of bliss that we were both experiencing throughout the night. If anything, the orgasm took both of us out of our blissful awareness of our bodies, which I attribute to the dopamine crash that I’ve read about. I even felt the effect of wanting to flee, of wanting to get away, but I am now aware of why that happens, so I managed to ignore it enough so that I still want to see her again. It all makes perfect sense now. There is no need for an orgasm, and anyone who has not tried karezza-style sex yet for fear of lack of orgasms, let me be the one to tell you that I had never known what heights of ecstasy were possible during sex, and the orgasm itself was far less pleasurable than the sex itself. Whoever thought to eradicate the orgasm from the sexual experience totally validated their idea with me and my partner’s experience last night. We both came away from that experience astonished. Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm changes my entire perception of sex. Many of the insecurities that people typically feel with sex, such as not being “good” at it, not having enough experience or whatever insecurity that can be performance-based, karezza dispels all of that. Everyone is good at cuddling. Everyone is good at moving so slowly that every single thrust, spread out minutes between each other, is so incredibly powerful, that there is no need for worry about how you will perform. There is no pressure. Even when my erection was less strong than it normally was, it didn’t matter, our hands were so charged that every caress had the impact a deep thrust would have had.” I hope this helped you to understand the depth and meaningful experience of Karezza, I was just really fascinated by his report of Karezza / Non ejaculatory orgasm, and it just says something about how rare this is in our society today, but this may be the sexual intercourse tool that we do need, to reestablish our personal deep connection to each other again, and become more present and gain the ultimate semen retention benefits. Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/karezza/comments/uftxe/first_time_with_karezzastyle_sex_last_night/ How To Do Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEO)? There is no exact step-by-step guide on how to do karezza, it’s all about how you want to do it, and the personal connection you to your partner. Although, the setting should be very relaxed, gentle, yin-yang attitude and some sort of spiritual mindset is needed to go into this intercourse. It’s a very gentle and soft intercourse, that requires you to whisper sweet words into her ears, accept her fully, accept yourself fully and go with the flow of love, let love itself take you, and be moved by that, and not thoughts or anything else, be present in the love, and you’ll be navigated around automatically, whatever your intuition tells you to do, follow that with full love and understanding. Lay side by side, or on top of each other, keep the penetration slow, soft and gentle to avoid any ejaculation and orgasm. The more you turn each other on, the more the connection will be vibrating and the love will be turned up in volume. Try to do the following things, without causing an orgasm: Give gentle kisses all over your partners body Whisper in your partners ear and compliment him or her Look into each others eyes with full love Kiss softly each others lips, eventually a soft bite in his/her underlip Make wordless sounds of contentment or pleasure in front of your partner Massage your partner Hug your partner with the intent to comfort them and eventually tell him/her that you love the person Comfort your partners genitals Make it a room full of acceptance, love and spiritual connection! The more often you do this Karezza, the more your semen retention benefits will grow Make a nice scenery, before doing Karezza, sprinkle flowers over your bed and play some soft music, eventually buy some chocolate What is The Goal of Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEO) The goal with Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm, is to create a much higher vibrating connection with your partner and to become more loving, accepting and intimate with each other. This is one of the ultimate semen retention benefits, Increased closeness you could say. Give it a try for atleast a month and see what happens, I almost promise you, that if you do it the correct way, you’re doomed to have tons of benefits in your relationship and your personal life as well, you will be much more comfortable and less neurotic in your day to day life, start to appreciate the world and yourself so much more! In case you want to go deeper and want to learn more about Karezza, I highly suggest you check out: Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships by Marnia Robinson What Are The Benefits of Semen Retention / Karezza / Non Ejaculatory Orgasm? Helps with bladder problems Helps with painful menstruation Helps with prostate cancer Gives you more energy in life Gives you more confidence Gives you a more loving perspective towards the world and other people More calmness and less neurotic behavior Overall a better health on all levels, physically, psycholygically and emotionally I hope you were able to get some valuable information from this ultimate guide to semen retention benefits and NoFap benefits anno 2019! In case you got any feedback, please leave or comment or contact me in the contact section! I wish you all the best on your journey, and I hope you stick around! Please subscribe to our monthly newsletter, in the right sidebar if you want to get more knowledge on sexual energies, confidence and self-actualization! It’s only 1 time pr. month. All the best to you Thisalpha.com (read full article here)

to live or to not live, is probably the only real choice life gives us. i consider it as no one’s right to moralize about suicide, because life and death is the only nothing we own inherently. even though the external world tries to get an ownership right to it. but having only these two real options you may realize nothing else really matters than making a decision, and you could at least try to live life fully, before you decide to bet on the no return option what is not a real option because you will go there anyways some day with only the choice of making it happen faster.

There are many heart-centered reasons why you shouldn't do it, as well as many relative reasons not to do it. But from the absolute, there is no such thing as right or wrong. So, reality does not abhor suicide. It's all part of the one thing that is all things. But from the perspective of considering health, harmony, and functionality; committing suicide is inherently unhealthy, unharmonious, and dysfunctional. So, it is not good for you or your loved ones. But on the absolute, there is nothing invalid or wrong under the sun. God loves all and abhors none.

@Truth Addict I mean I'm not gonna lie what I think. Suicide not being wrong doesn't justify it either. @SgtPepper No such thing as unnatural.

@Shadowraix The problem with suicide is that it's done by the devil, the ego, the illusion that thinks it has free will. When one becomes fully surrendered, and aligned with God, then there is no question whether it is okay or not. It will only be pure God's will. We can't tell people to go suicide and kill others, there are plenty of unconscious minds that will use this non-dual wisdom and turn it into devilry. We certainly don't want that to happen.

Are you willing to end your life? Willing to give up everything? Willing to give up everything you like, love and cherish most in your life? True enlightenment is suicide. It takes balls to do that. If you think you can answer yes to these, then by all means, go for it! Me, I'm building a fully self-contained mobile home. With 1000W solar panels, 5000W inverter and a separate alternator. All so I can live up in the mountains, far away from all distractions, for weeks or months at a time, so I can fully dedicate to full nonduel enlightenment. Yes one can do it anywhere at any time, but for me, I need to space and quiet.

The opposite of these are also true. You don't. Its being eternally experienced. And its all part of the 'plan' really. In that regard one could also see suicide as a beautiful gift. There's nothing good logically for or against suicide when you take the absolute into account. You can really only make a decision based on relative standards and desires. I only live because I desire to live. You don't really have to go further than that.

(Im not turq) From the absolute, no. The absolute eternally experiences suicide. This would be a better question asked from a pragmatic standpoint. From an absolute you could do anything and it be chill. I think he meant he's trying to ask somebody with such a POV not that his POV is that.

This is a serious question. Is there any serious argument about why you shouldn't suicide?

Yes, infinite, no end. Deep, bottomless. Personality is a construct made of groundless repetition which can be deconstructed, like all other “things” in the light of Awareness. It makes people uncomfortable to express you don’t actually have a personality. Categorically, it’s in there with karma, suicide, God, etc. In the sense, if someone is asking about them, there’s an expression / answer given on their behalf which is not the Truth known by the one answering. Sadhguru is illusory. Confident he’d willfully say the same. To attempt to put his, or anyone’s being into perspective, you need to first see that of course, you are the only one who can be enlightened. “Oneness”, is quite literal.

The source of suicide is accepting the powerlessness that is happening to you. So go Anger and Rage to really feel what is real or not. Let aside for a while pink unicorns and rainbows. There are times in life when the pain is only resolved in an offensive way.

@Truth Addict well that's not the case, becasue most of the known civilization and people in one way or onther pointing towards some god form, including this "movement" (actualized.org), which makes me even more sceptical and suspicious, and the funny feature of the mind is whenever you put something into it and believe it, it became your god very, very quick without even realizing - (it might be science, self-help, spirituality - anything) until one day realzie how wrong you were and there is other side of the coin as well from my expeirence beliving (whatever it might be) helps survival instinct - get pass another day, on the other hand lack of faith and hopeless leads to self-destruction (suicide) so overall it might only gen's trick to keep us alive

Yes, however I was surprised to Rick Doblin to come out in support of self-medication with MDMA for PTSD. As he first started talking about it, I was pretty shocked and was thinking .. "oh no don't go there, this is dangerous turf". But as he explained his rationale, I can totally see why he is cautiously giving self-medication a thumbs up. To cut a long story short, MAPS recognizes that there are vast numbers of people who suffer from PTSD (in the USA alone) and that they have a huge challenge in scaling up to train therapists to address this massive issue - it will literally be impossible to scale up fast enough to save a lot of lives that will be lost to suicide. He told a touching story about an individual who was suffering from PTSD and tried to get into one of their trials, but they had to deny this individual for some logistical reason. Two weeks later he killed himself and left a suicide note addressed to Rick explaining that MDMA would have probably saved his life. It wasn't meant to condemn MAPS or Rick at all for not letting him in to the trial, but as a beacon to draw attention to the problem with this bottle neck. The fact of the matter is that people do successfully self-medicate. MAPS has their protocol and approaches for therapy well documented and freely available online, so it's an option for people who are genuinely suffering and for whom this is their best option. I could dig up a link to the talk if anyone is interested. Yes and a lot of scientists are closeted trippers too. Let's see how it unfolds.

Hello Everyone A week before my period begins, I grow extremely depressed, anxious, and have sleeping issues. It affects my relationships, eating habits, self esteem, sleep schedule, and school work. Sometimes it gets so bad that I have unwanted thoughts of suicide/homicide. This is not who I am at all and only happens prior and during my period. It scares me and it puts my success and self actualization on a temporary hold. The reason why I bring this up is because other women cannot seem to relate to this. They claim to only get cramps, cravings, and are easy to anger. It is so much more different for me. My mother had the same thing, so it has to be genetic. I have heard that I could possibly have PMDD, but that is very rare! Also, my parents don't beleive in therapy, psychology, birth control, or medication for mental health, so I'm kinda lost as to what to do in this situation. What do I do in the meantime?

@Sri McDonald Trump MaharajWishing you well my man. Definitely go to the hospital. Start therapy - express what happened, and how you felt - that is the way to let it go. Call the suicide prevention hotline today, don’t wait until you’re in a stressful state. Lean on their expertise now, be free - allow new perspectives to arise when talking with them...( Get help now in any country ) You can express here too, anonymously, and feel free to PM me any time. I would also skype / FaceTime with you anytime you want. Ive been there, I ‘made it out’, so I wanna help. I was dealt a raw deal too - I stuck it out. In hindsight, it was a gift. My advice is stick around for the hindsight, for the ‘turning it into wine’. I promise you will see if you don’t give up. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

You're right, I see that all the time! I don't know if this was ever a thing in previous generations, but my guess would be at least not to this extent. Technology has a lot to do with it. I think we're starting to appreciate how connected we are as a globe. Not just physically (planes, high speed trains, and other fast travel) but instant communication through phones. All readily available to most people. Go back 100 years (that's it!) and if you wanted to travel to China, you'd have to go by boat for weeks. Just think how radically different the world was a century ago, it's almost unfathomable. That being said, however, our mental and physical ailments have gotten worse. Depression and suicide are at an all time high, and show no signs of slowing down. As a species, we are as confused as ever on how to live life and what's important. We are as confused as ever on how to love. So this air of "best time ever!" is certainly not based on a feeling of wellbeing. I think it has almost everything to do with convenience from technological advancement. And this can be a really scary thing, because it could be accelerating our own demise. It turns a blind eye to what we should be fixing. However, this attitude is positive, so I can't say it's overall a bad thing. I do see dangers in a public adoption of this attitude though.

Our emotions are quicker than our deliberate thinking and that can be dangerous in being impulsive. I've been close to suicide in the past and the idea of possibly being worse off in the lower Astral realms was a factor in my not going through with it. I'm glad I didn't. I don't know any of your story or your trials but life is precious. Hope you can unwind some of your dilemma and experience something that gives you some hope or peace.

I was supposed to cut contact with my family a long time ago but I've had a lot of injuries and chronic pain and it has put me back a lot during the last 1,5 years. Couldn't walk as much as I used to, hard time to sit down and work etc due to nerve pain in the legs, misplaced hips, nerve pain in the arms so I couldn't finish school, move out and I just shut down emotionally instead. My health is better now. I've been having suicidal thoughts everyday for a few months now and I'm quite scared that I will commit suicide if I don't get my life back on track again. I'm just so tired, it's not worth living like this. I talked to the police two weeks ago and the officer told me that it's not to late to report my parents for child abuse so I plan on giving it a try. I talked to the social services about my situation and they didn't want to help me but I want to give it a second try now that I'm reporting my parents to the police. I'm thinking about going to the hospital to tell them that I'm suicidal if this doesn't work out. Help!

@Skanzi wow, I've never thought of it this way.... suicide as a form of survival would that mean suicidal desires = ego's way to call for help/ attention?

I support this! Chronic (so when your body has become used to it) coffee drinking correlates with lower rates of depression and much lower rates of suicide, and a host of other health benefits. It's worth questioning the conventional narrative around places like this that coffee is a naughty habit. When you do start drinking it, pay attention to how it works for you, if you like it or not. You can avoid the problems with breath and teeth yellowing by brushing your teeth in the morning after you have your cup. It's a good habit to brush your teeth in the morning anyways.

@Tony 845 there were 2 non dual teachers that committed suicide. People on here just don’t understand the difference between non duality and liberation. david spero, adyashanti, Anthony de Mello, jan esmann, and many of these people will tell you most you guys are just falling for the “enlightenment pitch”. Liberation does exist but it comes way after non duality or what enlightenment is described as here.

@Serotoninluv Hey look alot of people on this forum are real quick to take a substance in hopes of reaching something, just asking questions over here guys..there’s not a whole lot of proof in the pudding, that’s all I’m saying. but then again anyone can say they are enlightened, so there’s goes that idea as well. Ever hear of the guy that claims he was enlightened in the woods by watching a frog for like 2 hours then committed suicide like 5 years later?‍♂️

My real spiritual quest began when I was 18, I just enlisted into the Israeli Army, and was training to become a warrior. A couple of months in I started to experience terrible panic attacks, anxiety, and depression, I was eventually released after a suicide attempt, while being diagnosed as a dependant personality. I had very little hope of ever being happy. I didn’t realize at the time that the episodes were in fact the beginning of a spiritual awakening. At 20, I was on many different meds, trying to solve this externally. I haven't had a clue then, that what I experienced was actually a yearn for God. I didn’t even consider the possibility that spirituality was a viable solution and that it was actually the true cure. It was years before I found out. 5 years of meds didn’t work, so I tried medicating myself with drugs, alcohol and a long 3 and a half years of toxic and codependent relationship. I accepted my fate and had lived for years in a stable moderate depressive state. To my incredible luck, 6 years ago I accidentally saw Leo’s video about curing depression. I remember that moment vividly when he said that when a person is in a deep meditative state he experiences bliss, therefore Bliss is the deeply buried basic emotion in each of us. This was a shocking discovery for me. In my total desperation and surrender, I was excited to try something new and different as a solution to my problem. Very soon the effects of meditation started to come and I was truly hopeful for the first time in 6 years of absolute misery. I've committed to this journey completely, watched every video Leo’s got, and practiced all the incredible principles and practices as well as I could. Following Leo’s radical open mindedness principle, I also found a 12 steps fellowship that deals specifically with Codependency, and it too was incredibly beneficial to my recovery. 12 steps is very simple and useful tool for shadow work and spiritual awakening. Nowadays, I’m coaching a new friend in recovery and it seems like there’s progress. Today I experience happiness 90% of the time, and I’ve almost forgotten how depression and anxiety actually feel. I’m deeply passionate about personal development, and have a steady spiritual growth. I’m running a few blogs for different audiences. I enjoy every moment and see the magic of existence. It’s amazing when you start seeing your own happiness expanding outwards to the people around you. Thank you for reading, I hope to see more recovery stories from you too.