now is forever

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  1. one of my favourite songs to get over melancholy, a very melancholic one.
  2. the paradox about that way of thinking is, it already makes me a feminist for most of society. and it makes me an idealist in sense of materialism.
  3. talking about emancipation, nowerdays emancipation is not anymore something only for women, men can also emancipate. we all emancipate from our conditioning and we sit in the same boat rowing into the same direction - we are not exactly equal in our ways, but that’s ok why should we, would be too boring. if we manage to emancipate from the past and from the past ways. then no woman supports only a man and no man supports only a woman we support each other and support the family. the family is limitless. and we can still live in our small families. so feminism today is not only fighting for their own goods - feminism never was fighting only for women, always also fighting for emancipation of humanity. as long as there are inequalities there will be some sort of emancipation. even in a couple - but that’s ok if we learn from each other, no student no teacher, both are both. and the source for personal growth. if men are able to see that that’s already a big step forward in their personal development. by the way a lot of women also still have to see that. and both have to remember each other from time to time. it’s a matter of team building and finding consensus/synthesis. consensus is something i learned from a male teacher - the best i had in utopia studies. synthesis is something we can learn from consensus is something we can act uppon. maybe it is synthesis what we are really going for - but that’s the most difficult part in group dynamic. before that is possible or the way that is possible, we need to synthesize ourself.
  4. woke up with a thought: materializing, paterializing. what does that even mean in a world that is made of energy? mind over matter - and what do we do? mind over mater. that’s how deep words may run a thought. maternalizing patternalizing etc. it’s also interesting in french for example fraternite, maternite, egalite - non? no wonder. i played that game in my teens and forgot it. matter is energy and energy is matter. you could say there is only matter or only energy it doesn’t matter because it is the same. but what really counts is the matter. and there is no way to solve that riddle, that equation without women. hope the world stops materializing women some day. who men? no women, hahaha.
  5. wow there are coming a lot of emotions along with the intention. when i first stopped smoking for two years now - it was because of an intention and for health reasons. i never stopped smoking just because i wanted to stop it. somehow there are so many feelings of suppressed emotions arising - and they produce conflicts in my social/material world - and they also are coming from it. it’s not that i didn’t try to solve them but how can we solve them if our surrounding is not cooperative. it’s like i was running around with explosives all the time - suppressing them. this small addiction is a huge beast i yet have to tame. in the end all addictions are a little like that. i suppose. but there are healthy addictions, too. like the addiction to a beautiful sunset. just if we charter a plane to see a lot of them in one flight, that might not be healthy anymore. i think i’m an emotional addict - i love positive emotions and really don’t like to suppress them. but i also like their fine nuances. and i really can’t coap with limits because they produce negative emotions. and that definitely is what others call maya and where personal maya is meeting the maya of the many and the maya of the matter.
  6. talking about playfulness: how you can use ahimsa for your everyday life. even before you can embody it completely. bring the hand down that’s slapping you or that’s slapping others. your own hand. just write or draw the essence of your reminder inside the palm of your hand. you really need the intention to achieve that. it is something you will do for yourselfs health. something you do by not doing. i wrote today: stop smoking but it could also be: relax, be friendly, smile more, open up to others, reduce social media, or start doing yoga or meditation, or going out, see your egoic actions, forgive, find whatever you feel you need to do to get more or less of - in contrast to the things you realize making you sick inside, trying to transcend them day by day. you really need to search inside yourself for your small sufferings first, it’s only working with intrinsical healing intention. and of course not done by just sitting around, it’s some kind of doing not doing meditation that also works in everydays life. only look at it when your body or mind starts to do the thing you really want to stop doing again. i’m not sure about it but might be better to not use negative formulation like “don’t” or “not” it might be better to use “stop” instead. positive effect comes with positive formulation positive + positive = positive this relates to the outcome in your psyche - the effect of slow healing. you might even meditate about how this works, by thinking of it as a reminder system. how it’s going to work and why it’s going to work. and why in some situations it doesn’t yet. for myself it’s stop smoking next step is start breathing.
  7. whaaaaa it is so difficult keeping all these new theories about spiral dynamics and enlightenment, models in the mind to develop and simultaneously working on oneself and trying to work for the own business ideas. without loosing anything - i’m not sure what stage i’m in, but i’m certainly not a real juggler yet. still have to play around a little more until i can stay on any stage if ever, hahaha.
  8. about time, how it is just now and still stays in our hearts and in reality as an impression.
  9. if we learn from nature directly taking nature as a teacher, we can also teach nature to grow differently. that goes for our own nature and in sense of construction. like a plant we can let it grow differently - we can trim it or we can let it grow wild - or we can grow it into something healthy and still supportive. it’s all a matter of knowledge - knowledge we got through communication, through watching through touching through actions and interaction. best teachers i ever had teached me that. and there where a lot of them including my own hands. interacting with material. my ears are certainly not the best teachers so i’m also not a very good student with my ears - they only take what they want to hear. so sometimes we learn by output better than by input - because while talking we realize what is already in there. so output can be the opposite of what is inside of us sometimes or the same. a diary therefore is something very good to understand oneselfs world construction. but if i do it openly i don’t want to put out too much of my everyday life with that - because that is sooooo private and privacy is the last thing left in this world of public viewing. i already give up my ideology and ideas to myself and everyone who wants to read it. isn’t that counterintuitive already - but that’s our world of information we have constructed. the whole world is talking to us all the time. so much we sometimes can’t listen to everything that is said.
  10. the controversy problem of an unlearning teacher, without referring to me, but to what i know about my unlearning teachers. is communication. best way is not talking - and showing instead like a mother or a father... but you always have to talk in some way if it’s not about doing something - how to do something you can always show that. but what about all the steps that lead a teacher to a teachers goal? and where exactly is the turning point between a teacher and a student - where does the student turn to the teacher and the teacher to the student? it is in communication. where does communication stop? nowhere it is eternal - and holds everything inside this universe. so there is no teacher and no student, if both try to communicate.
  11. this morning i just thought, how amazing, there really is not only mind work and manual work but really also emotional work. i mean not only the thinking process but also emotion process. not only in design or art. we can find that in every days life. and it’s underrated and unpaid very often. what a shame
  12. let’s not forget the patterns that brought us here let’s not forget us the people who brought us here let’s appreciate the work behind everything.
  13. yes, i like your work. just got the feeling i had to answer - but didn’t want to disturb. i have visual models in my mind for spiral dynamics - don’t know how to describe them. it’s not just for my strings. my mind is still readjusting so it sounds weird sometimes.
  14. joseph i take it as you are talking to yourself. reminding yourself of it. please think of most insights you have written here as both, a trap and also a way to get there. they are tools. methods, but you need methods to react to the effect of that, too. think of the spiral as a solid form and the spiral only a thin string on the form, or many strings on the form. if you want to help others, remember every person has a personal human development stage and walks the spiral in that sense, too. cooking can help when you understand how to reduce, how to make sauces. (cooking is also always best if you cook for others - it’s usually what makes us the happiest, so eat together with others sometimes) that’s what i talk about when i talk about the essence of culture - it’s FOOD alchemy, too. watch some italian movies about pasta eating or go eat some indian food. food is medicine sometimes not only for the body, something rich of spices and flavorful if you find a good cook - like a good doctor. illumination is now, enlightenment stays, but you always need to refresh it or you forget and there might never be an end to enlightenment as long as human exists. we need this material paradigm foundation sometimes to stay rooted - and we can be herbalists with that. conceptuality are the senses, they are the channels for understanding. your body has to know, then your mind can know what your body knows, and all can work together. they are both true both paradigms have an essence of truth in them. i’m not sure if oneness is a tear one paradigm - don’t think it’s just tear one it just changes it’s meaning, but i don’t know where i’m at so 🤷‍♀️ i know i was not asked - and i can only explain it like this right now. just want to help you with your work, also only talking to myself. so you can also skip it.
  15. without referring to the last post. if women stumble upon this diary, i want to remind you, that most religious teachings are based on male society and male interpretation. i will not take a lot of male teachers to balance that - i’ll find myself women teachers and try to see a lot of symbols as nondual. in budhism you can find a lot of woman figures, too. maybe there will be many more in the future and they might equal out some day. we can identify with them or find out about our nature while understanding them also from a male perspective. maybe then, we can understand our true power. and sometimes be the sun instead of the moon. or the moon instead of the sun. it’s interesting how the symbol manifests in different languages being either feminine or masculine. if men want to stay empty - maybe we have to reveal our true nature as the reflected spot in the night. if men only want to see the male teachers, it’s their problem. i hope men feel triggered by that, and break that circle by being attentive to women teachers as well. it’s often so underrepresented.