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Lester Levenson is my standard for awakening. “Q: What does it feel like to be infinite? Lester: Absolutely no limitation in any direction what so ever. No limitations, total freedom from everything — needing no food, no oxygen, no job. Instantly materializing anything you want. Being anywhere in the universe. Being as tall as you want, or the size of an atom. Being at perfect peace and contentment. Being in the most delightful state possible.” (Lester 1993, _Keys to the Ultimate Freedom: Thoughts and Talks on Personal Transformation_, chap. 36, 358, https://archive.org/details/keys-to-the-ultimate-freedom-thoughts-and-talks-on-personal-transformation-leste) See Lloyd 1983, _Choose Freedom: Have, Be, and Do Whatever You Will or Desire_, chapters 11, 12, 13 and 14, https://archive.org/details/choose_freedom.

France has a rather interesting constitutional history in that respect. A remarkable number of its major constitutional transformations have followed revolutions, coups, military defeats or political crises rather than ordinary institutional reform. You can see the pattern in 1792, 1799, 1830, 1848, 1851 and 1870, among others. The political rupture often came first, and the new constitutional framework was established afterwards. Of course, there are important counterexamples, and the Fifth Republic has proved much more capable of reforming itself than most of its predecessors, even though it seems like it is coming to an end or significant transformation. My point isn't that another rupture is inevitable or desirable. It's simply that French history gives us plenty of reasons not to assume that all major political transformations necessarily begin within the existing institutional framework.

You are infinite consciousness. The mind is the experiencer that confuses itself with the bodily reactions. The mind is there to manage your consciousness exploration, transmutation and transformation. This includes shifting bodily reactions to aligned states. When the mind and body are aligned a healthy identity emerges, and when they are not, a less healthy one forms. Everything else within is just the realisations in between, the training to bridge the gaps and the modest growth that results. That takes the longest, but it prevents the destination being taken for granted.

@Leo Gura A suggestion from my side . You can take it or let the suggestion fuck off 😁. We already love you . You are loved by a lot of people . Actualized.org is one of the most beautiful things built on earth . It isn't an institution but rather a representation of transformation from basic self-help to advanced philosophy and beyond . Heck, I have observed many people don't do self-help properly leave philosophy and spirituality apart. But you did them not only that you reached us to how to do them properly . So whenever you feel am urge to reply on this forum anywhere in an arrogant way, keep the device aside ,accept the feeling for 3-4 minutes and then reply . Just my 2 cents.

I became directly conscious of one aspect of God. I had the realization before that God is peace, which I have talked about earlier, but yesterday I experienced directly another facet of God. It is something that can be described by many names: absolute existence, ultimate power, ultimate magnificence, ultimate glory, and might. All of these aspects became directly clear in my mind recently, not merely as philosophical concepts or ideas that I had intellectually understood, but as something I had directly experienced and glimpsed for myself. Previously, I had glimpsed the peace of God through meditation. it was a glimpse of a profound peace that seemed to transcend the usual fluctuations of the mind and the changing circumstances of life. Through meditation I recognized that peace is not merely something the mind experiences under favorable conditions like chilling on the beach drinking grape juice…but rather it is something much more fundamental to reality itself. It is literally inside my being . Like literally inside my physical body .I had come to understand God as peace through this experience, although I knew that my understanding was still incomplete. Yesterday, however, I experienced something different through a “religious experience “I glimpsed another dimension of the divine. I experienced ecstasy, glory, absoluteness, magnificence, and overwhelming power. It was as though another aspect of God had become directly apparent to my consciousness. Whereas my previous glimpse had been primarily associated with peace, this experience revealed something that could be described as the absolute greatness and majesty of existence itself. And this has a terrifying flavor to it rather than peaceful or quiet. It is also GOOD. It is so good that it is terrifying. It is so good You want to run away from it because of how good it is lol . These two experiences have made me realize that God cannot be reduced to a single attribute or description. We may call God peace, but peace might be only one aspect of the divine reality. We may also speak of God as absolute existence, infinite power, ultimate glory, magnificence, or the very ground of being. And actually god is all names . But some of them hit closer . The important distinction for me is that I am no longer considering these ideas exclusively at the level of intellectual understanding. I have had glimpses of what I interpret as different aspects of God through direct experience. Although these glimpses were brief and my understanding remains incomplete, they have had a profound effect on my conviction regarding the existence of God. I am beginning to understand that there is a significant difference between believing in God because of philosophical reasoning and knowing God through direct experience. This brings me to the question of atheism and the limits of philosophical arguments for the existence of God. I do not think that atheists can be convinced of the existence of God by philosophical arguments alone, such as the intelligent design argument, the fine tuning argument, or the ontological argument. These arguments do provide rational grounds for believing in God, and I believe they point toward the existence of a divine reality. However, philosophical arguments and direct experience operate at different levels. An argument can lead someone to consider the possibility that God exists, but it cannot necessarily produce the direct realization of God in that person’s consciousness. Someone can study arguments for God’s existence, understand their logical structure, and even acknowledge that they have considerable philosophical force without undergoing any corresponding spiritual transformation. A person may understand the concept of peace without ever experiencing profound inner peace. Similarly, someone may understand the arguments for the existence of God without ever having a direct experience of what they interpret as the divine. When you have glimpsed God directly, however, the question takes on a completely different significance. God is no longer a philosophical proposition to be debated. The question becomes grounded in something that you have personally experienced. I say that I know with 100% certainty that God exists, I am referring to the conviction that arose from these experiences. Before these glimpses, I could think about God, contemplate philosophical arguments, and explore different religious and spiritual traditions. But after experiencing what I interpret as the peace, ecstasy, glory, absoluteness, and magnificence of God, my conviction became much more immediate and personal. I am not claiming that I have completely understood God or that I have attained the highest possible spiritual realization. In fact, I would say the opposite: what I have experienced so far has been only a glimpse. I have touched something that seems profoundly significant, but I have not yet fully understood its nature, its implications . But the threshold I passed is I am no longer approaching the question of God solely through speculation or philosophical argument. I now have personal experiences that I can contemplate, investigate, and attempt to understand more deeply. My task is to refine my understanding, and discover more . The next major challenge for me is to reconcile these experiences of God with Advaita Vedanta. Advaita Vedanta teaches that ultimate reality is Brahman, the nondual absolute, and that the deepest truth of the individual self, the Atman, is not separate from Brahman. The apparent separation between the individual self and ultimate reality or the self of all of existence is ultimately overcomed through The realization of nonduality . It reveals that reality is not fundamentally divided into two independent existences: a separate individual self on one side and an ultimate reality on the other…Yet my experiences have also presented God to me as peace, glory, absolute existence, ultimate power, and magnificence. I want to understand Does the divine appear to consciousness through different aspects, while its ultimate nature remains beyond all descriptions? Can the personal God and the impersonal absolute be understood as different ways of approaching the same ultimate reality? And if so, how precisely does Advaita Vedanta explain this relationship? Above all, I want to understand how these glimpses of God fit into the larger question of existence and consciousness. Is the peace of God inseparable from the glory of God? Is the personal experience of divine magnificence ultimately reconciled with the nondual realization of Brahman? And can the direct experience of God lead to a deeper understanding of the truth that Advaita Vedanta attempts to express? These are the questions I want to pursue from this point onward.

100 So, I've been looking for ways to become more active on the forum. I've been lurking for quite some time, occasionally posting here and there on more trivial matters. In 100 days, I'll be turning 35. I've spent a lot of this year soul-searching. And the thing is, I'm about as lost as I can be. Don't get me wrong. I'm quite content with certain aspects of my life, and some things are going pretty well. But there's this lingering feeling that there's still so much more to do, learn, and discover. So much untapped potential to explore. Well, day one has already been a bit rough. My dad is currently hospitalized in Sweden after suffering a serious fracture. Thankfully, his girlfriend is there with him, and it looks like arrangements have been made for his return home this Thursday. I'm posting this mainly as a way of holding myself accountable. The goal of this 100-day journey isn't necessarily to undergo some massive transformation. It's more about observing myself, reflecting, and giving myself a few gentle nudges in the right direction. I'm also picking up the Life Purpose Course (LPC) again, which I had been working on previously. I'll be sharing more about myself over the coming days. Let's see where this goes.

This is a really interesting topic for me. My interest in Technopsychiatry, a term that I hope to make popular in the future, particularly in virtual reality, is in how technology shapes connection, identity and meaning. In the second part of my response, an idea that I came up with while responding is “meta-spaces”, which can be used by anyone now to start designing and thinking with this kind of vocab to help explore this area and develop approaches to depression. From an existential perspective, I would distinguish three overlapping gaps that may contribute to depression: - Socially: between the connection we desire and the belonging, understanding and recognition we experience. - Existentially: between what we believe would make life meaningful and the purpose we actually experience. - Through agency: between what we want to bring into being and the meaningful influence or progress we experience through our efforts. I see two common themes across these categories. First, a gap between desire and feedback; so what life gives back, including our own internal response, may not meet the underlying need. Second, a gap between meaning acknowledgement and meaning integration. Acknowledgement means recognising what matters to us. Integration means emotionally processing its gain, loss or transformation, and adapting our identity and actions accordingly. Someone might achieve the fame they wanted yet struggle to experience fulfilment, while someone losing it might struggle to rebuild their sense of self. Obtaining a desired outcome and integrating what it means are different processes. This is one lens on depression, rather than a complete clinical explanation. A possible pattern across all three: Disappointment > Absence of perceived resourcefulness > Learned helplessness. Disconnection > Misalignment > Learned helplessness. Disintegration > Confusion > Learned helplessness. Some variant of learned helplessness seems to be one common underlying pattern, and that’s from the smartest person one can imagine to the seemingly most socially capable person. Where the gap becomes personally meaningful differs, so with the “genius”, perhaps it’s the existential, and with the socialite, perhaps it’s almost like an “emotional dysphoria”. Where the digital intersects here is not necessarily as a cause but as an interface by which those patterns can play out, often more easily in our capitalistic environment, and the potential resulting depression can manifest. People from many different psychological, sociological and neuroscientific fields of expertise are paid big bucks to maximise engagement in digital products, sometimes through something like “the addicted gambler effect”. Your description of nature, beauty and movement could reflect moments when meaning becomes something you directly experience. For your example then, given the massive contrast there can be between integration with God and the most beautiful things in life, and the artificial life the digital world tries to falsely sell, I think all three patterns can work simultaneously. 1. The disappointment between expectation and reward/cost. 2. The disconnection between alignment and sense of self/other. 3. The disintegration between understanding existential self-consciousness and actually being able to live from that understanding. One of my goals in VR is to investigate whether carefully designed experiences, progressing from smaller to larger emotional challenges, can help people practise this resolving of their sense of self across all three; as that’s where a lot of this seems to be at, isn’t it? Depressive distress, viewed through this existential lens, can involve a lack of resolution across at least one scale of one’s sense of self. By creating opportunity spaces for resolution spaces to emerge into something meaningful for a person to learn from, that’s where the promise lies in using the immersive virtual to address important areas of a complex subject like depression. The question is whether that learning produces lasting change that carries into everyday life, and whether those positive impacts are more direct or indirect depending on the challenge, including difficulties that existed before the simulation. I feel that when it comes to helping with areas around deeper spiritual connections like with God, the job of virtual reality is most likely never going to be direct. But instead creating simply the right intelligent spaces that facilitate positive indirect effects. And there are many ways of doing that because the underlying pattern in many of the experiences I’m thinking of seems similar, no pun intended, and that’s learned helplessness; but in its niche for the particular form and manner in which it manifests. If I were a psychologist and I was trying to help someone with depression, or if someone wished to explore this for themselves through some kind of dialectical self-reflection, that’s where I would land my introspective explorations, so the unique manner in which learned helplessness might be manifesting. Then slowly creating the opportunity spaces, in mind or out in the physical like connecting with nature as you say, to create an environment by which resolution spaces can co-occur. A resolution space is an interesting idea. An analogy I would make there is like preparing a romantic date with someone. The opportunity is the date, the environment and what can happen within it. The resolution space is where the emotional and mental baggage we bring along can be worked through, and whether those two environments can mesh to allow clarity of mind to forge enough for meaningful learning and change to become possible. The hope is that this learning, and the plasticity involved, might in return ameliorate parts of the depression. I don’t know that there is much literature on this particular framing as a psychotherapeutic technique, however in principle I believe it could work or at least facilitate. Now to the second part of my response, an idea I came up with while writing is meta-spaces; a conceptual toolkit for designer to sufferer as I said, and feel free to improve it, it’s just something I’ve come up with on the fly. A meta-space is simply a space in which humans can experience consciousness. It’s far more straightforward than one might realise. Need > Opportunity > Resolution. These are three spaces. Prediction Effects > Expectancy Effects > Responsive Effects forge how what I’m calling a Gauge Theory of depression interacts with those three spaces. What I mean by Gauge Theory is literally what it sounds like: it’s the brain gauging where it’s going to be in the future, expecting certain outcomes in that future and, whether it’s accurate or not, how it responds to those results, and whether it responds passively or proactively. To separate prediction from expectancy here: prediction is what I think will happen; expectancy is what I’m emotionally counting on happening. Those aren’t always the same thing. This version of Gauge Theory is something I also came up with while writing. Humorously, we all know that one person who complains no matter the social environment they enter. It’s not even necessarily that there is some defect in spaces to do with their needs, opportunities or resolution, despite the overlaps. It can have more to do with how their brain is making predictions, the expectations it makes here and how it responds to the results in reality, including the accuracy across all three, and whether their response is more passive or active. These kinds of people are not necessarily “depressed”. In fact, what’s interesting is that Gauge Theory doesn’t directly equate to depression; instead it could be more of a catalyst and compounder, because people with shit gauge dynamics, emotionally speaking, may also be extremely resilient people. That said, if someone learns more flexible mindsets across these three overlapping categories, combined with their resilience, they might be better equipped to handle the kinds of setbacks that can contribute to depression. This is where I think fortune-cookie sayings actually have their utility much more than we might have thought, when they’re strategically balanced across those three heh. Meaning, all those people speaking affirmations, rereading philosophical quotations and so on each day, it’s not necessarily all mumbo-jumbo manifestation nonsense. It can actually be useful if it fits the person, along with the placement and timing in the context of those categories, helping balance the world between actuality and the imagined of say what they want versus what they want to avoid. For example, some people say: Prediction - “I don’t make predictions for the future; it will come soon enough.” Expectancy - “I can want something without needing it to happen exactly as I imagined.” Response - “Whether I gain it or lose it, what can I do with what comes back?” But here’s the interesting thing, where someone balances with respect to Gauge Theory depends on where they fit with respect to the meta-spaces and where someone fits relative to the meta-spaces is also impacted by Gauge Theory, moreover both are affected by how their personality and environment contribute. This is part of what makes depression so individual, which is why self-knowledge can be so pivotal to recognising the learned helplessness that may contribute to the depression unique to the person. And self-knowledge becomes a compounding positive here when we have the right map to work with. The better self-knowledge and self-understanding someone has relative to their life situation, the easier it may become to gauge predictions, expectations and responses around situations in which they are vulnerable to depression. And so anyone here now has what I hope to be a useful formula to work with, or at least a beginner set, as I totally get it’s a lot to take in all at once, heh. Within this framework, need is shaped by biology and self-consciousness, interacting with our circumstances. These also interact to shape transcendent needs and subsequent spaces, the latter which is still very much up for grabs especially in the virtual and just general imagined spaces to invent within. If the opportunity space or resolution space is not available, our sense of control over outcomes can be compromised. If the opportunity space or resolution space exists but is specifically inaccessible to us, our sense of agency can also be compromised. So all in all we have: 1. Disappointment, Disconnection and disintegration as both individual and overlapping axes The next is the environment in which it occurs in, even if that environment is one's own inner world, which is where the meta-spaces come in, from survival to transcendent dream spaces. 2. Meta-spaces meeting > Gauge Theory The next co-overlap with the "Effect Spaces" from Gauge Theory and how it impacts: 3. Sense of control and sense of agency. And across these balances, we return to the meeting ground between learned helplessness and depression. All in all, what I've proposed here is certainly not something I would say is complete, so what's another pattern here? It's that depression isn't something illusive, it can be mapped and that mapping can be learned to help prevent depression. The gap that needs addressing is the distance between not only from knowledge to empowerment but moving all the way from implementation to integration so it doesn't even need to be thought about in practical day to day anymore. There's more dynamics, but I've learned something from this, thanks for the read. I'll leave the rest to everyone else. For virtual reality, I see the most promise with helping depression where it directly positively impacts sense of control and agency, especially where it opens up the plasticity of the Possibility Space of imaginable alternate to real worlds. For one, the plasticity with which someone can reimagine themselves and the environmental space of where both intersect on their problem space, has a big correlation for me on the resilience and boundaries of a person's resolution space for integration to lead to healing and from healing to fulfilment. Lastly, to come full circle to your original question, "what is depression meta-physically", its when depression becomes a relationship between connection and transcendence. For you as you've detailed so far, and correct if I am wrong, its the connection between the real and the sublime. At first glance, it may feel like creating virtual reality may be in the opposite direction one would want to go in to help someone with questions around how to solve their depression. How I would approach that accurate reality is that what we're dealing with is not an argument over what is more in alignment with God in the literal sense, but whether we can imagine and create problem-resolution spaces that give people the feeling of empowerment to solve similar kinds of problems in the real world. That, I think is much more achievable, and can be done with the transcendent. For now, keep enjoyin that sunshine aye! My writing here is a little messy, and there's more connections I can make, but that's what I have so far. Thanks for sharing this angle to explore, appreciated! Disclaimer: This are on the spot my non-biological theoretical causes of depression, it speaks neither of biological influences nor the biological impact that these theoretical causes can have which require a more physiological approach. Rock out, stay dancin!

Let me know if my putting this here is a violation and I’ll take it down. It’s from The Oracle of the Cosmic Way and it’s quite relevant. 15. Modesty Kun Kên The Judgment: Modesty creates success. The superior man carries things through. Modesty, the Sage informs us, is one of the three fundamental Cosmic Virtues that all aspects of the Cosmic Whole are endowed with. The other two virtues are equality and uniqueness. Together, they give each aspect of the Cosmos its dignity. It is due to these basic virtues that a single force is able to rule the functioning of the Cosmos as a whole: the force of mutual attraction of complementary aspects. Another name for this force is love. When the virtue of modesty is seen in this context, it means that the modest person recognizes the equality and uniqueness of every other aspect of the Cosmic Whole. It is equivalent to seeing his true place in the whole. He has no need to put himself up or down, because any aggrandizement or abnegation of the self fails to take into account the fact that every aspect of the Cosmos is endowed with unique posses-sions. (See the previous hexagram.) Modesty also means that a person recognizes the uniqueness of his own possessions and the responsibilities toward the Cosmic Whole connected with them. Modesty is the virtue connected with a person's commonsense. Com-monsense is the consensus of all the senses a person is born with. When none of his senses is blocked, his commonsense gives him a sure feeling of what is true and untrue, because it is in harmony with Cosmic Truth. Commonsense is closely connected with a person's inner truth-his memory of what Cosmic Harmony feels like. Applied to a given situa-tion, we can picture the process as follows: All the senses respond to the situation in accordance with their unique functions. The inner senses respond to the inner components of the situation, which manifest as vibrations, feelings, smells, etc., whereas the senses of outer seeing and hearing respond only to the situation's outer appearances. When all these senses function cooperatively, the commonsense integrates the various perceptions into a discernment that needs no reasons to prove its validity. Validating one's feelings is the meaning of"modesty creates success." To "carry things through" means to then bring into full consciousness whatever feels discordant and say the inner No to it. The saying of the inner No would occur spontaneously, were it not for the conditioning that has disturbed the cooperation of the senses. Therefore, in bringing the true self to maturity, learning to say the inner No needs to be recognized as a responsibility that is consistent with one's inner dignity and self-respect. Until the conditioning is undone, saying the inner No needs to be consciously remembered and practiced. When a person is tuned into his feelings, the inner No arises spontaneously and is heard as a firm inner voice. Consciously saying the inner No to another's ego display engages another natural function of a person's commonsense: as the Helper of Transformation. It transforms what is disharmonious in the situation. The inner No also has the ability to transform harmful thoughts that attack a person's psyche, thereby protecting Tum from them. Failure to say the inner No to the ego other occurs because the ego in oneself has been aroused; then one falls back on the use of power, either through words or actions, to correct the other. Allowing the ego to intervene in this way causes a person to lose his modesty and his Cosmic Protection. True modesty also means to recognize that the Sage exists in every person's presence. The Sage in another's presence can be called upon to intervene when the ego in that person is active. True modesty is remembering to ask the Sage in others presence to intervene under such circumstances. The use of the term "the superior man" in The Judgment comes from the Confucian school and its view that modesty— the mark of the cultivated man—is a quality that comes from working on one's self-development. However, the idea of there being such a goal as "becoming superior" contradicts the very meaning of modesty. The person who seeks to be superior has already lost contact with the natural modesty he was born with. What is also overlooked is that being called "a superior man" is a spell that forces him into upholding all the abstract values the collective ego assigns to that appellation. By saying that virtues are not part of our nature and need to be cultivated, the collective ego appropriates a person's natural mod-esty. This doubt about the wholeness of his own natare is instilled in a child as the first step in his conditioning. Being a poison arrow, it demonizes his commonsense and his feeling connection with the Cosmos, preventing him from knowing (through his feelings) that he can depend on the Cosmos for everything he needs. Separated from his feelings and therefore from Cosmic help, the child is then taught to depend on the institutions of the collective ego for his needs. Since the collective ego can never replace Cosmic help, it encourages him to "be modest" in his needs and behavior. By implication it thus defines modesty ("the highest attainable virtue") as "a selfless acceptance of poverty and injustice." To achieve acceptance of such an idea, it encourages the person to think he will be rewarded by being recognized and accepted by others as virtuous. He may even be rewarded with medals, titles, and fame. Thus we see a paradoxical situation created: that the person who works hard to develop the self-image of modesty, must make sure that his modesty gets noticed! At the core of all virtuous self-images cultivated by the collective ego is actually "self-denial," for the "truly virtuous" person is the one who has not merely repressed, but totally routed out every aspect of his true self. The object of this cultivation of virtue, thus, is to have no self at all! All self-images tend to be expressed in their extreme through the fact that the object of cultivating them is to " perfect" them. Since the institutions of the collective ego are those which have taught him his virtues (his parents, teachers, and the society as a whole), the person with the self-image of being modest believes he owes "all that he is" to them; he thus carries with him strong feelings of indebtedness. This indebtedness is always connected with guilt, which becomes active whenever he makes any attempt to leave the prison of their total control. Of all the hexagrams, this one shows that the ancient Chinese were aware of a connection between true modesty and "good fortune." They noticed that the person who was not arrogant was helped along by what they called "heaven. *What they were observing was the Cosmic help and protection that are enjoyed by every person who lives by his natural modesty. But it seems to have occurred to only a few, such as Lao Izu, that modesty is a virtue every person possesses as part of his natural makeup. True modesty is the absence of any self-image. "Carrying things through to completion" also means stepping out of the collective ego's system of opposites, in particular the hero and anti-hero/rebel models. By setting up the ideal of the self-sacrificing hero, a person is led to sacrifice his true self to the collective ego's values; or, if he discovers that he cannot mold himself into the image of the hero, he may turn to admire the anti-hero/rebel who renounces the system. What he does not see is that the anti-hero is as essential to the dichotomous system of the collective ego as the dragon is to the dragon-slayer, for it is in the nature of the collective ego to embrace the opposing elements that are essential to its system. A person can step out of this system only by recognizing that all self-images, regardless of whether they are of the hero/rebel, good citizen/outlaw, self-righ-teous person/the irreverent person, have their origin in the idea that a person must "become" something, because "in and of himself he is notenough," or he was "born with original guilt/sin/fault? What we do not notice is that in all striving to become something we are actually striving to overcome a supposed fault that has been attributed to our nature. The false attributions are the original poison arrows a child has received from the collective ego, which must be removed, if he is to return himself to his original wholeness.

I'm interested in your view on Bashar's main teaching i.e. 5 step formula (acting on your passion with best of your availability with no assumption on the outcome, staying in the positive state no matter what and examining negative belief systems). Has it affected your teachings? To me, it seems that you emphasize direct experience of god consciousness (via psychedelics, meditation, etc. and in time direct experience sober without practice) and your videos are largely a collection of epistemic and oncological frameworks to help one deconstruct human experience and reality. On the other hand, Bashar doesn't go into much of frameworks and has approach that is simpler, and according to Bashar/Darryl Anka, more tuned into specific issues for human psyche. Bashar also emphasizes collective (and individual) transformation of human psyche which also connects to his view that we all create our own versions of other people every moment: I'm creating my version of you that perhaps answers this question in a way that is helpful for me to grow and learn more from myself from my experience. I get the impression from your teachings, that you have more of a everyday practical view of slowly developing collective reality where each of us are ultimately gods in your own reality bubble/dream (and ultimately we all are dreaming each others dreams) but there isn't overarching collective mission/story arch and there isn't a way for one to transforming reality for another in a meaningful extent by his/her decisions and changes in belief systems. Why don't you promote the idea of this kind collective transformation and splitting/entering into new of reality each moment? Is it that you don't see any evidence of it in direct experience? Lot's of love, I do appreciate your work a lot even if this post might suggest otherwise.

I decided to open this since I keep finding many crazy retreats that even if I dont plan to do now, maybe some of you may have the money and time to do. i will start with the last one I found. Called Los Ninos. Maybe this one have a mix of Hippie Vibe and Paradise Escape. But one never know. I worked as part of a Retreat team so I can say that when Retreats are marketed there is always a little bit of turning all into magic, so people create a expectation. In the end what is deal with inside the retreat can be very sublte. If there is Breathwork, Meditation, Yoga involved there will be for sure transformation.

A practical guide to attaining God-Realization by manifesting the things and people that you want in your life In other words, this is a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy guide to Lester Levenson's idea of using goal charts (“https://archive.org/details/1992-sedona-method-chart-of-emotions-and-gains-workbook-PDF/1992 Sedona Method Chart of Emotions and Gains Workbook -- Lester Levenson - Hale Dwoskin”, pp. 11–105 of 105) to wake up. The document is best read using a text editor like Windows Notepad and not a word processor. You can find it here: `A practical guide to waking.md` (https://pastes.io/4hNowE4s (as of September 29, 2026, if you click the Code tab, the document is more readable), https://pastebin.com/NP3rAur9). It is a working-level draft. !@# “It believes that …, that there’s a world out there separate from itself. The whole world is projected (= manifested/imagined/“dreamed up” (Levenson)/thought up (= “to create something in your mind”)). …. Inside and outside always match—they’re reflections of each other. The world is the mirror image of your mind.” (Katie and Mitchell 2007, chap. 1, 4, https://archive.org/details/thousandnamesfor0000kati) “We are it all, reflecting it all; whatever is within us, is being projected onto the screen of our mind.” “Like a movie screen; the movie screen is black-blank=perfect until you begin to place PROJECTIONS onto it, then whatever you project onto it is an 'EXPERIENCE'.” (…, Anne W NDE, 28 September 2026, https://www.nderf.org/Experiences/1anne_w_nde.html; …, _Crossing Over NDE (@CrossingOverNDE)_, “Woman Died From Heart Attack; Shocking Truths Were Revealed To Her On The Other Side (NDE)”, 29 Mar 2025, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWcoDp8VWFc) !@# “Both formerly & now, it’s only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress” (SN 22:86; MN 22; https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/OnThePath/Section0006.html) ““And this, monks, is the noble truth of the cessation of stress: the remainderless fading & cessation, renunciation, relinquishment, release, & letting go of that very craving (= taṇhā; “Craving or excessive or inappropriate desire”).” (SN 56:11, https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/SN/SN56_11.html) “We use goal charts that brilliantly bring up the unconscious blocks to the goal, let them go, and eventually what we desire will just “drop in” as Lester told me.” (Seretan 2004, chap. 10) (“Think only what you want (= would _like_) and that is all that you will get.” (Lester 1962, 20, https://archive.org/details/franklesterlesterlevensontheeternalverities2)) “We use goal charts (`gains_workbook-sedona-method-release-technique-1992.pdf` (“https://archive.org/details/1992-sedona-method-chart-of-emotions-and-gains-workbook-PDF/1992 Sedona Method Chart of Emotions and Gains Workbook -- Lester Levenson - Hale Dwoskin”, pp. 11–105 of 105)) that brilliantly bring up the unconscious blocks (= (I feel undesirous of/dislike/disenjoy the goal because) “I don’t want to look foolish. (= I feel undesirous of/dislike/… looking foolish.)” (universal_beliefs_en_21nov2016_ltr_r3.pdf); “Things we dislike, we have aversions to. But an aversion is a desire not to have. So even an aversion is a desire.” (“Lester Levenson, Hale Dwoskin -…”, 736)) to the goal (= sth desired), let them go, and eventually what we desire will just “drop in” as Lester told me.” (Seretan 2004, chap. 10) “So use your goal charts. Get rid of the Ag flat. And move into the state of just being your beingness.” (“Lester Levenson, Hale Dwoskin - Lester Levenson (Sedona Method) Magnum Opus PDF-Lester Levenson _ Sedona Method (2024)” (“https://archive.org/details/lester-levenson-magnum-opus/_Combined_in_1_File_Lester_Levenson_Magnum_Opus_PDF/”), 375) “So use your goal charts. Get rid of the Ag flat (= “AGFLAP represents the negative emotional states.” (Lloyd 1986, 10, https://archive.org/details/masteryouremotio00lloy); “But eliminate desire and you're finished. Nothing else to do. I'll probably break the triangle down into more. I think I'll start with desire in the top and then come down to two. Attachments, aversion, and break that down into probably emotions and tendencies and thoughts at the bottom.” (“Lester Levenson, Hale Dwoskin -…”, 1470–1471)). And move into the state of just being your beingness.” “And, in the end, you have to get rid of your desire for ~~God~~” your goals. “Then you are It!” (Levenson 1993, 113, https://archive.org/details/keys-to-the-ultimate-freedom-thoughts-and-talks-on-personal-transformation-leste) “When your feelings are up and out, your mind is naturally quiet. And you're self-obvious to yourself as to the fact that you are whole, complete, perfect, eternal.” (“Lester Levenson, Hale Dwoskin - Lester Levenson (Sedona Method) Magnum Opus PDF-Lester Levenson _ Sedona Method (2024).pdf”, 394) !@# `Burns 1999, p. 30.png` (https://pastebin.com/NP3rAur9; https://archive.org/details/feelinggoodnewmoburns00burn), `Tillit and Bruder 1985, _Speaking Naturally: Communication Skills in American English_, 87.png` (https://pastebin.com/NP3rAur9). !@# ““Every mind uses the very same unlimited intelligence. Everyone uses it as much as he believes he can use it to fulfill his desires. When he learns that his mental limitations are self-imposed, he lets go of them. Then his intelligence (I.Q.) (= goal) can be raised to the degree of no limitation.” (Levenson 1993, 92)

I have been doing magic for the past year and performing allot, I learned so much and made money, not in a huge way, but pretty okay. I am feeling like this might not be the path I want to take anymore. I do enjoy magic and I do enjoy performing, but I want to contribute more to the world. I don't know in what way yet and how, but I feel like I am here to contribute more to the world. I have taken a distance from the spiritual community due to the toxic stuff going on in the spiritual community (Bentinho Massaro and his sex cult) and questioning if this spiritual teachings are any good for people. Most spiritual people are broke and use it as a way to escape making money and bypass and the value is great, but no ones life changes per say. You still have to make money somehow even after enlightenment. I am thinking of maybe doing magic parttime or even less, instead of fulltime, put some pressure of making money with it, get a job and figure out what big impact I can make on the world. I want to do something that actually changes lifes, not spiritual bypassing or temporary entertainment. I feel that music is much closer to transformation or art, it has more connection then magic probably. I have invested much time into this and by no means has it been a waste of time, I have learned so much every single day, but I don't know if this is what I actually want to do for the next 10 years or more. I am thinking of experimenting, trying different shit, I always had a drive for doing very creative stuff, creative projects. I love to just express myself in any creative way that is not pre planned. An example would be to just do streaming, it is very populair and it has been one of those things where you can just fuck around, you can do something different every stream and be very creative. I have done streaming in the past and it actually was fun as you connect to people live. Again it might not be so much an impact, but I do feel I need to have more freedom of expression which is lacking in magic. I am a very free person and therefor I need an outlet to express myself freely. This is also why I like Kanye West, because even tho he is insane, he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him, he just expresses whatever. He is also a gemini like me, so we are very similar in the way we operate, think and act. Structure is probably necessary, but I am a very free spirit, I like to go do different things, do different stuff, explore, my grandfather was a captain on a ship, so I got that adventerous soul in me, that doens't want to stop or settle and just keeps exploring. Expressing and exploring are my deepest drives, combining that with bringing value and leaving a huge impact would be the dream combination. I might just have to go hard into experimentation, I am thinking of spending a month on just doing everything chaotically, make videos, make streams, make art, everything and just see what direction I feel alligned to go in. If magic really is what I am meant to do, then I will feel alligned to go back into it. I think that is the plan, but I would like to hear from you guys aswell.

The work of A.H. Almaas has been expanding, humanising, and refining my understanding of spirituality. I'm currently reading his central work 'The Inner Journey Home' and highly recommend it. There is also a podcast series in collaboration with the Deep Transformation Podcast that is a great listen alongside it. For a taste, this talk gives an impression (although I find his writing much more nuanced than his speaking): (ps. I wanted to post this in the High-conscionsness resources tread, but somehow was unable. If someone could move it there, that would be great, thanks)

I think you could definitely sell that premise. A custom or retrained model you can realistically create is unlikely to be competitive with frontier models for most tasks though. Retraining or fine-tuning is somewhat old news now for most use cases. You'd likely be better off running a context-engineering agency that configures the frontier models for companies through skills, plugins, custom agent loops, CLAUDE/AGENT.md files and other forms of external memory and context. Getting this setup right massively improves their performance on tasks for a business which can provide a lot of value. AI is all about getting the right context into the model just now. On your more general point, I don't know how this protects you against the risks of post-scarcity AI-driven world. We're talking about a world where there are basically two classes of people, those with control over the means to produce value and those without. Being able to build custom models or tweak them does not put you in the former unless you earn so much money that you are competitive with the likes of the massive AI companies who actually control the most capable models. Oh, right, yea on this point I agree. My point was not that everybody has equal value in the marketplace just now, my point is that everybody basically would in a post-scarcity AI-driven world. "bringing it into the real world" > "proposes highly unrealistic theoretical scenario" I'm only talking about a theoretical post-scarcity AI-driven world so much because that was the original topic of discussion. I have been trying to keep this discussion anchored to that original point. You said it was just my gut feeling that such a world is more likely to be dystopian than utopian, I think I have provided a fairly solid argument that it is very possible it will be, and that it is not just a gut feeling. I'm interpreting everybody 'owning AI equally' to mean everyone has access to a frontier model that they have full control over with no guardrails, which cannot be taken away from them. If that's not what you meant then please correct me. But assuming it is, who knows if that would be a good thing. It's just your gut feeling that it would be good. You would then have dictators all over the world who now potentially have the capability to produce an extremely effective bio weapon, or to hack into nuclear launch sites and reactors of other countries. To assume that such a chaotic and rapid transformation of the world would be positive is, I think, quite unwise.

lately im noticing a shift in my perspective toward women and relationships. i really had enough of them to realize and get a true insight into the dynamics between men and women. women have both this amazingly seductive and beautiful quality that attracts me to them, but also this annoying and nagging vibe of being so obsessed with their looks and feelings. I find relationships to be fun but only in a casual way, when it becomes too intense and long term the tide shifts and the seductive energy evaporates and theres only a feeling of "duty" and annoyance from my inability to be free in my thinking. i feel like i just cant be myself in a satisfying way around a women long term, only casually, only as a game. when we try to play "serious" i just get tired from this obsession with social life and not enough of the inner life and philosophy. i just dont seem to find any girl as interested in that as me. in fact many of them are scared of that dimention and prefer to "keep it light" and not go "too deep" on such topics. No girl i ever dated seems fond of trying to unravel life's dynamics and understanding that there is more to life than meets one's eye. By practicing day time pickup i also realized that as much as sex could be fun - it is not at all as fun as in my egoic fantasies. I got to experience first hand how i could take a girl i literally felt pain in my chest from her beuty go into bed with me just to realize - its not that awsome in real life. and actually even sucks sometimes. so i feel this transformation in me from being this needy and thirsty horn-dog into a more mature and complete men who is closer to himself then ever. yet new challenges keep popping: there is this fear of going through the tides of life all by myself if i wont find any suitable women to join me, there is the fear of missing the right timing of bringing my own children and deriving the joy and meaning from their existance in my life and our relationship when im still healthy and competent. yet i cannot reconcile it with being authentic with my feelings that just tell me secretly in the back of my mind that maybe thess experiences are not suited for me in this lifetime. did you guys deal with any similar thoughts? Id like to get more perspectives on that, thanks!

The best wingmen I have has been doing it for 3 years and I noticed that he was able to remain composed despite the nerves. When anxiety comes up, approach anxiety, your first set of the day or even later during the day. What you do is you don't stay, not for 1 minute, 10 minutes 2 hours, you leave after the first sentence, they call it warm up. Yet this guys approach was his first one of the day, he told me he was a bit nervous, then when approached went well and was a 30 minute conversation. What I make up from this was that approach anxiety doesn't rule him. He stays present, cool and smooth. Then during the conversation you have several points where you might want to move, look away, have nothing to say, moments you let the anxiety take control, you start fidgeting or talking fast. But what if we don't let anxiety take control even tho we feel it? What if we don't give expression to that anxiety, we don't start talking fast, we don't start fidgeting, we don't start to move around even tho that is everything that the body and anxiety wants to do and we remain calm and cool from the first approach on. Then this might be the real transformation, this exact thing made me think of Jeffry, who is anti warm up and state building and always talks about coming from presence and changing the signal that you give off, in the case of this guy his signal was cool and smooth despite the anxiety of his first approach of the day. What do you guys think?

When I came to AyaMadre for the second time in 2024, five years after my first time there, I made a deal with Maestra Estella. She agreed to build a house for me with a bathroom, a shower and a kitchen, and to let me stay at AyaMadre for one year for $5,000. The agreement also included participation in three ceremonies each week. This was almost the last of my money. I may have had only about $500 left in my bank account after making that investment. I was committing almost everything I had to the medicine path, trusting that this would become my home and that I would finally have a stable place from which to continue my healing and my work with Ayahuasca. The house was never completed. They did clear the land for it and began construction, but during the approximately four months that I spent at AyaMadre, they only managed to finish the initial frame of the house. What was supposed to be a simple agreement gradually became a constant source of stress and conflict. I kept asking them, with my very limited Spanish, "When are you going to build my house?" They kept postponing the construction and giving me different explanations: "What's your budget?" "You paid too little for one year." "We need to hire a contractor." "Building a house is a lot of work." "The materials cost a lot." I repeatedly told them that I didn't want to hear all the details about the construction. We had made an agreement. They would build me a house for $5,000, and I expected them to honor that agreement. This struggle continued throughout almost my entire time there, until eventually I felt that I had enough and decided to leave AyaMadre with my friend Kay. Looking back on it now, knowing what I already knew about Estella and her ways of extracting money from people, I should have known better. A smarter arrangement would have been to pay for the house only after it had been completed, rather than giving almost all of my money in advance. At the same time, I did spend approximately four months there, and at that time Estella was officially charging $2,500 per month, so texhnically I still received roughly a $5,000 discount for the time I stayed. I could therefore look at the situation as a difficult lesson rather than simply a financial loss. I had trusted someone with almost everything I had, and I learned something important about agreements, boundaries, trust and the difference between what someone promises and what they actually do. While I was at AyaMadre, I also received several warning signs that drinking a medium to high dose of the medicine, especially at night, was dangerous for me. There were several occasions when I felt a sense of separation returning. I could no longer feel the icaros in the same way, my movements would become awkward, and my reality would begin to look subtly "dead" or distorted. Despite these signs, I continued participating in the night ceremonies. Whenever I felt that sense of separation beginning, I would look toward the light, and again and again the light seemed to bring me back into a feeling of connection with Love. Eventually, I learned that the safest and most healing way for me to work with the medicine was during the light of day, with my eyes open. During those ceremonies I felt connected throughout the entire experience and received what felt like the deepest healing. Estella was the only Shipibo curandera I knew who regularly conducted ceremonies during the day, with two daytime ceremonies and one nighttime ceremony each week. The energy of AyaMadre itself seemed to reflect Estella's way of relating to her pasajeros and the way she ran the center. There was almost always a sense of lack and deprivation. There were frequent shortages of food and water. Construction projects seemed to begin and then be abandoned halfway through, while new projects were started before the previous ones were finished. There were unfinished tambos and others that badly needed repairs, with leaking roofs and mold. The bridge needed to be repaired, and almost everything at AyaMadre seemed to be constructed with the bare minimum of materials and, at times, what felt like the bare minimum of effort. The entire place felt to me like an Ayahuasca center for poor people, even though Estella was continually extracting thousands of dollars from her pasajeros. She somehow managed to make the place feel as though it were constantly dying of starvation because there were never enough resources. One pasajero even told me that he had received a vision that "the AyaMadre spirit is sick." Looking back at the state of the center during my time there in 2024, I thought that was an incredibly accurate description. The kitchen was probably the most stressful place of all. There were often stressed and angry volunteers, complaining, gossiping and smoking cigarettes. I remember that on the day I arrived, there were about five people smoking cigarettes in the kitchen. The contrast between the sacred medicine that everyone had come there to work with and the atmosphere surrounding its preparation was difficult for me to reconcile. I had come expecting a place dedicated to healing, love and transformation, yet much of the ordinary human behavior around me seemed to reproduce the same patterns of scarcity, fear, frustration and competition that I had spent so much time and effort trying to move away from. Despite all these challenges, I processed an enormous amount of trauma during the four months I spent at AyaMadre. Almost every ceremony brought tears of joy, gratitude and liberation. Toward the end of my time there, something profound was happening in the way I perceived the world. Every "scene" in my reality, even something as ordinary as the blue plastic table or the kitchen which was built with simple materials brought from the jungle, could suddenly look like a masterpiece designed by a genius artist. The beauty wasn't dependent on luxury or perfection anymore. I could look at the simplest objects and feel an overwhelming appreciation for their existence. I knew I was slowly waking up to deeper and deeper layers of the beauty of Paradise. One day, Kay and I were walking through the jungle when we discovered another center nearby called Marosa. It was only about a fifteen or twenty minute walk from AyaMadre. Synchronistically, I remembered that I had first discovered Marosa during my first stay at AyaMadre in 2019, about five years earlier. At that time, the maloka had only just begun to be built. Now, five years later, the entire center had been completed and was receiving pasajeros. What struck me immediately was how different the energy of Marosa felt from AyaMadre. The place felt tranquil, beautiful and well cared for. The food was prepared with love and served with genuine smiles. The tambos were constructed with quality materials and felt more like little cabin houses than the poor, barely raised structures I had become accustomed to at AyaMadre. Everything seemed to have been built carefully by people who knew what they were doing and who cared about the environment they were creating. I felt that AyaMadre had prepared me to appreciate everything about Marosa to the fullest. After everything I had experienced, I could see the beauty of every detail. I fell in love with the place. Eventually, Kay and I left AyaMadre together and went to the city of Iquitos, where Kay got me a room at what became the best hotel I had ever stayed in, Casa Morey. "Casa" means "house" in Spanish, while "Morey" reminded me of the Russian word "морей," meaning "of the seas." I began seeing the name as "House of the Seas," which seemed remarkably appropriate for what I discovered inside. The hotel was unlike any other hotel I had ever experienced. It felt more like a hotel and museum combined, with the entire place decorated with real antique artifacts connected to ships, navigation and nautical adventures, many of them appearing to date from around the seventeenth through nineteenth centuries. The owner was an antique collector of nautical artifacts, and there was an entire museum room filled with beautiful objects that seemed to transport me back into another era, making me feel as though I had suddenly become an adventurer aboard an old ship. In the center of that museum room, hanging on the wall, was an antique wooden masterpiece that immediately caught my attention. It looked almost like a Russian terem or palace, with sharp pointed towers and two angels standing on either side. In the center was Her Majesty Mother Mary, depicted as a tranquil, elegant, gentle and almost angelic Goddess in turquoise. Something about the image deeply resonated with me. After everything I had experienced with the Divine Mother, Mother Wolf and Mother Mary, encountering this particular image in the center of this antique nautical museum felt like another message of reassurance arriving at exactly the right moment. The rooms in the hotel had high vaulted ceilings, antique furniture and even old-fashioned rotary dial telephones. Every detail reinforced the feeling that I had been transported back in time. I loved the place so much that I decided to extend my stay for one more night, even though I had very little money remaining. In the second room they gave me, there was an Ayahuasca visionary painting depicting a ship in the center surrounded by all kinds of spirits and beings. At the wheel stood the captain with his crew of adventurers around him. After everything I had just been through, I couldn't help but see myself in that image. Casa Morey felt like a marvelous gift that had somehow appeared at exactly the right moment. I was basking in the beauty of the entire hotel, appreciating its antique artifacts, its architecture, its atmosphere and the care that had gone into creating it. I felt as though the entire hotel had been built just for me to discover at that exact moment and appreciate to the fullest. After spending four months at AyaMadre in what my mother had once accurately described as "bare minimum comfort," I suddenly felt like a king in a palace. I also felt like a captain leading the ship of my destiny, with my crew of Kay and her husband Dan beside me. Both were special forces military veterans whom I experienced as exceptionally intelligent, powerful and supportive people who believed in me and were willing to help me not only as friends but financially as well. At that moment, I felt like I had reached the peak of my power, both spiritually and physically. While I was staying at Casa Morey, I made a Facebook post titled, "I'm the captain of my ship." My mother then sent me a message: "главное чтобы твой корабль не потерпел крушение," which translates as, "The main thing is that your ship doesn't sink." I responded: "Уже терпел, теперь непотопляемый." In English: "My ship has sunk before. Now it's unsinkable."

Lately I've come to appreciate the power of great leadership and the transformation impact that can have in countries, companies and society at large. Two striking examples are Nayib Bukele in El Salvador and Lee Kuan Yew in Singapore. Bukele inherited a country called the murder capital of the world. His government’s aggressively cracked down on gangs and organised crime, despite receiving enormous global pushback by human rights movement, it has successfully transformed public safety to the point that now the US considers it safer than Sweden. The investment on education has also been heavy, with the program 2 schools everyday being built, over 900 schools have already been delivered since the start of the initiative last year. The last polls state that 94% of the country supports him, a record almost unheard of in democratic societies. Decades earlier, Lee Kuan Yew led Singapore from a small, poor and forced to be independent state into one of the world's most prosperous and developed economies. His vision was built around long-term thinking, strong institutions, economic pragmatism, education, infrastructure, and an uncompromising focus on national development; creating a successful style of government called state-guided capitalism. Ultimately, the difference between a stagnant society and a thriving one may sometimes come down to the quality of their leaders and whether they are capable of thinking beyond the next election, have a compelling vision and deliver tangible results. (Post written with the help of AI to make it smoother)

Friday: September 4th, 2026. Life-changing transformation due to education is distinct from brain rot.

People gotta deal with what they got. A monk is going to have aspirations that an average worldly person might not have, and the capacity for transformation will be different. So if someone has a need which they don't have the capacity to alchemize or transmute, than they may just live with it. For people working on their character. They may have a need which they need to accept, but it doesn't have to rule them, and can be met with consciousness. Then transformation can happen.

When I came out of my first 18 month hell, 20 months if I count from when I first lost my ability to sleep, things were different. I was different. I was reborn. I fully awakened to life. I awakened. I became enlightened. I knew that I had conquered death, so death was not something ahead of me anymore, it was behind me. Time became my ally, time was now on my side. I did not have to hurry to finish what I wanted to do. I now had eternity. I knew that by healing myself, I was alchemizing death into life and transforming the depths of hell I had endured into the joy of Paradise. Every day became a wonderful adventure. I was never as motivated to work on myself and to live my life to the fullest. Living became my greatest joy and passion. I wanted to celebrate being alive every day, and that's exactly what I did. There are two stories or myths that are deeply embedded into the collective human consciousness that have resonated with me and describe metaphorically what happened to me. The first one is Jesus Christ dying on the cross for the sins of all of humanity, going through hell, conquering the devil, conquering hell and being resurrected in glorious ascension to the throne of Heaven as the savior of the world. In the Orthodox chants, they sing: "Христос смерть поправ," which translates roughly as "Christ has conquered death." Ayahuasca had shown me that "I would die for the sins of all of humanity" in the ceremony where I faced my greatest fear. That prophecy came true. I wore an Egyptian-themed shirt during that ceremony called "Immortal Combat." It had Anubis, God of the Underworld, facing off against Horus, the God of Light. The second myth that resonated with me is the ancient Egyptian myth of King Osiris being killed and dismembered by his jealous uncle Set, the God of chaos and destruction, and then his pieces being gathered and assembled by his wife, the Queen of Magic, Isis, with the God of Light, Horus, being born from the union of Osiris and Isis. There is more to the story of Horus and Set, which will also become an important part of my journey, and I will write about it later. I was transferred over to another recovery program called Shoreline after completing three weeks at McDonald Sharp Center. The night before talking to them on the phone for an initial interview, I had a vision of a trident. The next day I found out that Shoreline Recovery had a trident in their logo. A trident is a "symbol of the highest authority in the heavens," according to one interpretation that I highly resonated with. I spent about two or three months at Shoreline, first in their Escondido location and then in their Normal Heights location. When I moved to the Normal Heights location, I was allowed to go out of the house about a week after I arrived. That was the next level of my healing phase and liberation, and that is when I discovered Maya Moon Cacao Cafe, which was only one block, about a 10 minute walk, from our house on 33rd Street. The place became my sanctuary, a place for integration, meditation, journaling, drawing, peace and quiet, and a break from all the house noise, drama and madness that was happening at the house, where I was living with about four or five other men with addictions and deep mental issues. When completing Shoreline, which I cut short, they refused to give me the "exit ceremony," where everybody gets to say something about a person as they leave the program, even though I aced their whole program and was a role model to all of those kids there. I also had a last talk with their psychiatrist, who attempted to recommend putting me on different medications such as antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. She was, by far, the craziest-looking herself and looked like she was taking a lot of these medications herself. I refused all the medications and was "warned of possible negative consequences, including a possible relapse." My counselor, who was also present during that conversation, told me, "If you ever relapse, I hope you remember this conversation." I did not see a relapse as ever being a possibility. I had conquered hell. I had defeated the final boss. I had no desire to ever drink alcohol, use drugs or smoke cigarettes again. I thought they were both crazy and irresponsible for trying to put a completely healthy human being on their prescription drugs. About three or four months after I was out of hell, after completing Shoreline, my father took me in to live in his apartment in La Mesa, California, on Shasta Lane. Shasta comes from the Russian word "счастье," meaning "happiness." Shortly after, I recorded a video called "I Awakened, Crying Tears of Joy and Gratitude." I also posted a post at Actualized.org called "I Awakened, Ask Me Anything." I was beginning to document this completely new chapter of my life, a life that felt almost impossible compared to where I had been only months earlier. I had gone from believing that I was trapped in eternal hell to feeling as though I had been given my life back, and I wanted to understand, celebrate and share everything that had happened to me. In regards to Victoria and my relationship, no matter how much I tried, she would hear nothing about "what happened to me," what I had gone through and why. She was completely closed off to any conversation about us ever getting back together, and still is to this day. She said, "You started drinking, so we broke up, and Hell? It's all in your head, you made it all up." It took me a long time and much effort to "accept" this situation with her, knowing that I had gone through hell for the sake of our True Love. Despite this, I live by this prayer every day: "My intention is to be the best that I can be, to embody the Truth of love that I know I am, every day, in every moment, for my own highest good, for the highest good of my beloved Victoria, the one who I know is my true love forever, for eternity, and the highest good of all, aho!" The way I see it, I am being guided to focus on myself and embody the Paradise of Love on Earth, in a physical realm, and eventually Victoria will come back to me when she is ready. I want to make it clear that this stance that I have towards Victoria and me is unshakable. I will never ever "stand down," "let her go," "forget about her," "change my mind," "move on," or any of this nonsense. I have already proved to myself that I was willing to die instead of betraying Victoria for the sake of our True Love. I sacrificed my life on the altar of our True Love. In one of Keera's songs, during the second ceremony with Victoria and me both present, Keera sang: "Oh, child, don't you worry, this life is a true love story." True Love is true because I know The Truth of who my True Love is. Victoria is "victory" in Spanish, victory over death. She is my Victoria, my Victory! And I am Vladimir, "Vladi" meaning to rule and "mir" meaning peace or world. Our first initials make up the letter "W," "double You" in English. Two bodies, one soul, double you, double me. This is the meaning of the twin flames. The way all the events played out to lead me to my eventual death and how it all happened for me to discover The Truth is pure genius. The entire creation is made of pure genius. God is pure genius. I am pure genius. One of the messages of confirmation I received later, months after coming out of hell, when walking around in La Mesa, was a barbershop named "Crowned by Keera." To me, these kinds of synchronicities felt like little messages woven into the fabric of reality, confirmations appearing at exactly the moments when I needed them. They became part of the way I learned to see the world after coming out of hell. When I was in the depths of hell, drinking at the hotel, I had a brief conversation with Victoria and told her, "You can have all of my silver, you can forget about me, I'm lost." Well, that's because I didn't know I would ever make it out of it. I was facing the fear of being stuck in hell for eternity every day during those 18 months. However, now that I was out of hell, I needed my money, so eventually she agreed to give me back my silver, although she mentioned that she sold $18,000 worth of it and used that money to pay rent. I thought it was fair because I told her she could have it all at one point, so legally she could have actually kept it. I think there was about $40,000 of it left out of the $500,000 that I had when I first began my journey with magic mushrooms six years ago. Being fresh out of an 18 month hell, not having any job, not having any money, having all my credit cards maxed out, and wanting to focus fully on my recovery, having that good chunk of money was a gift from the heavens. I felt like I had awakened in Paradise. I knew I was now in Paradise. I was crying tears of joy and gratitude for being alive every day. I was also crying tears of salvation and liberation. I knew that I was saved from eternal hell, that I had conquered death, defeated the devil, which was myself, and won immortality, physical immortality, eternal life. I also knew that I was forgiven for every sin. I knew that the devil, which is who I was the entire time I was in hell, was forgiven and innocent, and thus everybody was also innocent. I knew that I had become a force of pure Goodness. I knew I was Good and that I was Love. That is the Truth that I was now embodying. I was spared by the mercy of God, Mother Mary, my Divine Mother Wolf, the guide and guardian through the underworld, also known as hell. My greatest priority became embodying the Truth that I know, which is: I am Love, I am Immortal, and I am Truth. I also knew that Victoria is my True Love, forever, for eternity. All of my actions became aligned with this Truth that I now knew. Embodying the Truth that I know became the highest good because I now knew that this is what will redeem all and bring justice of love to our world. My Truth is the medicine that our world has been waiting for. "And ye shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall set you free." This is a biblical quote from the Gospel of John, John 8:32. The original New Testament was written in Greek, and the phrase is traditionally translated into English as "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." It also happens to be a slogan associated with the CIA, which aligned beautifully with my new worldview. I knew that the entire creation had been working this whole time to manifest this Truth that I now knew. Everybody that has ever lived had helped me embody this Truth with their entire lives, meaning everybody had fulfilled their life purpose. The entire Universe had helped me embody this Truth with absolutely everything, every moment that had ever existed. I also knew that everybody that had ever lived, all beings and the entire creation, was absolutely innocent. Thus, I began the process of healing through forgiveness, which is a process that takes time. This realization changed the way I looked at everything around me. Instead of seeing a world filled with enemies, mistakes and things that needed to be condemned, I began seeing a world filled with beings that were somehow part of the same enormous unfolding process that had brought me to this point. Forgiveness became one of the foundations of my healing. I was dancing, swimming in the ocean, rollerblading, going to kirtans, song circles, creating rituals, participating in ceremonies, drawing, journaling, practicing yoga and meditation, meeting spiritual people, exploring, participating in multiple choirs, drinking cacao, singing, praising and giving gratitude to my Divine Mother Wolf as my savior, guardian and teacher, as the one who had saved me from hell. I now knew her as Mother Mary, "Bogorodica," meaning the one who gave birth to God. Everything that I had once taken for granted suddenly felt precious. Movement, music, nature, people, water, sunlight, singing and simply being alive all became opportunities to celebrate the miracle of existence. One of my favorite activities, which I was doing almost every day, was riding my bicycle and taking public transportation, trolley, train and buses, to get around San Diego. For the first time, after living in San Diego for about 24 years at the time, I truly discovered the beauty of the public transportation system. I felt like a kid who had just entered the world for the first time. Everything was magical and adventurous, and every moment was filled with beauty and appreciation for everything that was present in my field of consciousness. Time seemed to have disappeared because I was always in the present moment. I took a ride by trolley and bus from La Mesa to La Jolla Cove for my morning swim in the ocean almost every day, which took about five hours of travel time there and back, and it felt like a breeze. I was also helping my state with a microdose of magic mushrooms, cacao, kombucha and yerba mate. My brother kept nagging me about when I would start working on Clever Techie because he worried that I would run out of my silver soon. I only ended up recording one very short video during about 18 months that I was living in Paradise in San Diego. I would also spend a lot of time riding my bicycle at Lake Murray, which was now within walking distance from me. One of the first things I did when I moved to my father's place near Lake Murray was go to the lake, to my spot where I had been out of the eyesight drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes, and clean out two full trash bags of empty alcohol cans and bottles that I had trashed the place with during my hell state because I couldn't even find the strength to carry them to the trash can. It felt like a ceremony of cleansing and closing out the Hell cycle. I had spent so much time there during the darkest period of my life, hiding from the world, drinking and smoking, and now I was returning to the same place as a completely different person. Cleaning up the physical mess felt symbolic of cleaning up the remains of that chapter of my life. Another favorite activity was going to kirtans, which are devotional chanting and singing, praising various Hindu deities and beyond. I would drink cacao and take a microdose of magic mushrooms before every kirtan and end up being the loudest guy at every kirtan, screaming with joy and gratitude, praising the Divine for the sheer genius of the entire creation. After my time in motels, surrounded by bottles of alcohol, buds of cigarettes and trash, my external reality now reflected my inner Paradise, with beautiful people singing songs of praise to deities together in a house called The Pearl, with a huge window in the living room from which the ocean was visible. Scott would always open his kirtans with a chant to Ganesha and later put a beautiful Ganesha relief artwork right above his fireplace in the living room where we had kirtans. I was feeling great joy and gratitude, specifically for Ganesha as the remover of obstacles, because it was from the moment that I started drawing Ganesha that I felt something shift for the first time during my time in hell, which gave me a spark of hope that my salvation was still possible. At the time, Scott was doing his kirtans with a beautiful Russian woman named Anna. I talked to Anna and they agreed to have me share a song in Russian called "Жива Матушка," which is a chant of praise to the Slavic Goddess of Life, Zheeva. It's a chant of gratitude and praise for the force of life and life itself. This was a very special kirtan event for me, and I recorded a video of it. For the first time in my life, I had truly discovered San Diego, California, as the Paradise that it truly is. I also knew with zero doubt that the external reality is a mirror reflection of my internal state of being. As I was now embodying inner Paradise, the outer Paradise reflected back to me. The same city that I had lived in for decades suddenly looked completely different. The ocean, the streets, the trolley, the parks, the people, the sunlight and even the ordinary details of everyday life seemed to be reflecting something that had changed inside of me. After having spent so long experiencing the world as Hell, I was now experiencing the same physical world as Paradise. At some point a revelation came to me about the name of the state, California. As I looked at its composition, it could be read symbolically as "Cali-for-Nia," or Kali for Nia. Kali is the Hindu Goddess of destruction. I began seeing the name California symbolically as "Kali for Nia," with Kali representing destruction and Nia representing a purpose or intention. Thus, California became, in my personal symbolic interpretation, "destruction for a purpose." To me, this became another poetic reflection of what I had just lived through: destruction followed by transformation, the old life being broken down so that something entirely new could emerge from it.

I see the necessity of religions in relation to Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development model... In the earlier phases of moral development, there needs to be a strong sense of authority outside of one's self that will reward if someone does "good" and punish when someone does "bad." And that enables a society with a low level of moral development operate in ways that minimize selfish and ruthless behaviors. If someone who isn't developed enough to abstain from selfish behavior for its own sake believes that they'll be rewarded for abstaining from the selfish behavior... or punished for engaging in the selfish behavior... they are less likely to do the selfish behavior. And there are many drawbacks to this way of thinking... as it increases a sense of judgment and punitiveness towards themselves and others. But it's a useful way of operating when the higher stages of moral development have yet to be reached en masse. But once individuals develop to the higher stages of moral development where morality is derived from empathy, compassion, and conscience, there is no longer a moral need for mass adherence to religion. Past that point, religion can be engaged with practically as a method of meaning-making and spiritual connection/transformation for the masses who are more geared towards pre-defined exoteric spiritual paths. (Though there are also usually more esoteric paths that are off-shoots of those exoteric religious practices that exist for people who are more interested in a deeper quest). And religion can also be used at the foundation for community... sometimes positively and sometimes negatively. Past moral needs, social preferences, and pre-defined paths of spiritual connection... religion can also be foregone for those who find their sources of meaning and existential interconnectedness elsewhere... or who want an esoteric spiritual quest that they custom-tailor for themselves.

I tested, the stuff it works, some minor electronic stuff where there is not enough information to the seller, and I'd be required to have an a degree in electronics most likely, in order to calculate I listend to some music and I wonder, why I even like this and what the core development and issue is with such humans, as what it evokes, even if it's healing to me is odd, it's deeply inspiring, and at the sametime hynotizing and foolish, but it feels very good and I should trust my emotions partially as I know I am like this also, but this is exactly the core issue I saw with lack of responsibility and just being a male boy, where I and my mother struggle to reconcile and we don't have that much time, idk how long she will life, even if she is strong and has super vibrant tendencies, she still has 7k, the new boyfriend should do her well, I don't think the R&B guys go beyond insight with any actual integration, and what I experienced as a man with such women, with men/boys who transcended that it's odd as it's the divine feminine, to me or an expression of that, but the core issue is, it makes me just like them, and I have indications that are just like them most of it is a physical transformation, for e.g this song after I had the white light experience and golden aura experience a lot of that energy leaked into the universe, and I saw it reflected in art, I often creatively alternate music in my head in order to fit the truth I experienced and learned. For instance this to me is beautiful, but when I contemplate the maturity of relationships, and the core issue of money, economics and the core underlying envy causing this type of music as vice, not virtue I reconnect to an inner child, I know a part of me is different, as I enjoy a lot of Tory music also with a raw, stage red side that goes into alchemy for me, but it clearly shows also a dismissal to men themselves and I wonder why they can't bring any divine raw masculine, their charts are generally more leaning towards Yin, IIRC and it shows a core beauty to me idk how to frame it, but it creates the issue of infinite success, and the limit of it, it shows spirit and light or white light to me, I have shoes like this I can partially move like this, but also my body requires Psychic/Doctor levels or Paul Check levels of analysis in order to heal and deal with it, idk it's odd to contemplate this. I enjoy it, but part of me shows some core biases, lack of understanding of black history and newer creations, and from them the dismissal, as I am more white and have a higher IQ as soon as I start to do a bit of what I do there my mind switches bilungual and turns this into a bilateral white light type of YIn-Yang dynamic with 3-4 generes running through my mind, depending on knowledge and intuition. Anyhow...

Have one mask myself. Picked it up in Jamaica in 2012. It's a souvenir, not a ritual mask. It represents the start of my transformation. It was the start where I changed my life around. That's me with the creator Joel. Taken near James Bond beach, het had his little hut and made souvenirs.

@Nemra Thank you for sharing. Yeah, I gave up on trying to optimize and be a perfectly healthy human being after going deeper and deeper into my tripping and transformation. I am much more accepting of my disabilities and chronic health issues; realizing God will not miraculously, permanently erase and heal my finite human conditions. I can do my best to manage it. I am no longer equating perfect human health to being conscious of God. Is Julian Michaels conscious of what God is? God doesn’t need you to be a perfect human. I feel much more at peace by not rejecting suffering.