MaxV

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  1. I would lock the windows just in case anyway. But if you are planning to do larger doses of psychedelics while in a state of 'wanting to be in controle so much'. i'd wait if i where you. Psychedelics on a larger dose can sweep you of your feet. And if you are not ready for that you probably panic 'trying to take back 'control''. Its a good thing to slowly up your doses. What dose did you had in mind for your first more intense trip?
  2. Exactly Nick, I think we deal with the otherside of the spectrum. In terms of choice. In the US there are only 2 parties to choose from ofcourse. In my view this is to limited. But what we have to deal with is simply too much choice. This reminds me of Leo's video about democracy and that too much of it can lead to certain issues. Like this one. and what Ampresus is saying is quite concerning to me, That the more conservative parties are quite populair at the moment. That the PVV has this much potential seats is something that baffles me completely. The Netherlands has changed over the years. It evolves, as a country, up the spiral, it became more inclusive but i also see alot of issues with this. its like there a huge collective ego backlash against this progression. Like for example with the whole blackpete (zwarte pieten) situation. I understand why people want to keep the tradition. But its also good if things change and evolve. Its complicated. I understand why people find it racist. Just like with the immigration situation. I work as a housepainter, and well.. in the construction world people are generally quite conservative. And the hate towards immigrates is quite high. But i noticed a pattern in this whole situation, Its like a Circle. People discrimate some because they have a islamic or middle-eastern name or surname, these people get rejected multiple times, these people get bitter and resentfull towards natives, more crime occures, people read this on the newssites and such, natives blame the 'kut buitenlanders', and people with an Islamic or middle-eastern name or surname get rejected. They don't understand that they are part of the problem. I tried to explain this but boy people are stubborn.. Its hard sometimes, because i love living in this country, but i do not feel like a Nederlander at all, I've been doing lots of spiritual learning and understanding + introspection. Both contemplating and sometimes with a psychedelic, and i simply feel like transcending the term 'Nederlander' I feel we are part of something alot bigger. This is why conservatism feels so wrong to me, its like i mentally hit the brakes or something.
  3. Yeah thats a great point! But i do not see it as a wasted vote when they join the house of representatives. At this point they might get 3 seats if i'm not mistaken. This is actually the first time i'm this interested in our own elections. I find the complexity and nuance in the matter intriguing. For anyone interested here is the list of political parties we can vote on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_Dutch_general_election
  4. Probably Volt, What i like about that party is that it understand that most of our problems we face aren't ours as a nation alone. We need each other to face the problems we currently have. Also the fact that it considers both left and right points to be valid is something i value alot. For example nucleat power. I'm for renewables 100% but i also see clearly that, if we want to achieve our environmental goals we cannot achieve those with renewables alone. D66 for example is against nuclear power, they even have some kind of debunking video. The problem with this video is that they clearly did not do any research on the matter. They use arguments like nuclear waste and how dangerous and costly they are. But what i noticed is that these arguments are based on the older nuclear plants. There are alot of promising progressions with nuclear technology. But the taboo on the matter is simply too big. I do not consider nuclear fission technology to be the end of be all solution, but its definitely a solid temporary solution for now. There is alot of issues with renewables that aren't discussed, like the amount of land needed for proper solarfarms, land that could be used for our housingcrisis. Not to mention the waste product when they outlived their lifespan. And for windfarms at the Noordzee. I read something about a farm with 6000(!) Turbines. Yes these things might be cheaper in the shortrun, but people tend to forget that windturbines are far more sensitive to breakdowns and issues than a gen-iii/iv(presumably) nuclear plant. I will not vot for PVV, Fvd, VVD obviously. I first thought about Groenlinks, but they might be a little too idealistic.
  5. Welp, that really didn't go according to plan that great. Alot has happened. I'll make a proper report tomorrow.
  6. Introduction Hello everyone, Tonight i'd like to start a journal about my progression through life. It has been quite a journey sofar and for like many of us, this year in particular has been quite a ride. I'll post on every wednesday and friday in the form of a written post and to spice things up for myself i'll post a video of myself reflecting/recapping/expressing myself on sunday. These video's will not be edited and are an exercise for me to develope a powerful speech and to embrace awkardness. Who am i? Well this journey will be quite autobiographic so i try to use my own name as least as possible. I'll be going to be quite honest and brutal in the way i express myself. Which might be scary at first but is necessary in order to grow as a person. I'm a young man about to turn 29 in january, which to me (even if i know that its just a number and a illusion) is quite a huge thing. I've been busy developing myself from around when i was 26ish. Before that my life was mostly about partying, festivals and taking drugs at those because it made me feel more confident. But from that point on i had a really big shift in my learning curve. I was at this amazing festival called Freaqshow for the 2nd time. It was exactly 4 years ago. It was a NYE party with a theme of letting yourself go and dress up really silly. At this party i met a girl who was the sister of a good friend of mine. To make it short. We kinda clicked. Some months later (i don't want to make this all a too big of a thing so thats why the fastforward.) we meet up and things where awesome. But i was too in love and i haven't developed myself as a man enough and ended up being too needy and over the top. I ended up having sex with her and i slept at her place. I had 2 nightmares that night about her rejecting me. After she sended me home i cried alot driving to my place. I had so many voices in my head telling me how i wasn't good enough and such that it literally destroyed me in the drive back home. And you guessed it. The girl said she needed a little bit more time and i didn't hear from her again. This destroyed my world back then.. I was hopeless.... i was in such a hopeless state that i ended up putting 'how can i feel less shitty'(Or something like that) in Google and i ended up finding both Leo's video about self acceptance and The power of Now from Eckhart Tolle. I don't know why. But when i started to read the book something just clicked in me. The quote 'you are not your thoughts' resonated in an instant with me. I completely understood what was meant with this without understanding it logically. No i didn't attain enlightmented (In fact i know we all are but we aren't aware of it), but it did jumpstart my journey in self-developement. Great but what now? Since that realisation, alot has happened and i as a person grew alot. This year in particular shows that. And aside from the whole pandemic this truely is a limbo year for me personally. I've been practicing graditude and i've been extremely gratefull for the position i'm in right now. I have a home, i work as a housepainter (which are in demand here. i can easily switch between companies). i have drinkable water and a refrigerator with food. i sometimes feel guilty because i have it so good. It could be seen from a orange (spiral Dynamics) perspective as kinda basic and unsuccesfull, but i'm not viewing it like that. Things to be proud of I'm far from what i'd like to be as a fully actualized person. but i've made immense progress these years. - After a decade of pushing through i've obtained a level of competence in multiple creative field which i'm extremely proud of. Think about music production ( i actively produce music as a exstention of my personality), photography, photoshop and 3d art, and integrally combining them. - i'm an advanced calisthenics atlethe. I'm close to mastering the elite exercises, but even if i would keep it at this level. I'm really fit and thats something i'm proud of. Not many people have attained this level. (This might sound a little ego but i meaned this in the way that i care about my health. BUT... ) - I'm reading alot and it keeps getting more and more. I'll make a prioritylist on books in this weekend to see which books best for me right now to read in the upcoming months. - I've learned to love myself. And i understand that this love is quite deep without being narcissistic. I'm still roads ahead, But if i look back 3/4 years ago. I never believed i could come this far. This is key in life. So many things just seem to flow after this (slowly but surely) occured. The challenges right now - After the girl mentioned above. I've learned alot and grew. I had a weird long distant relationship kind of thing which didnt worked out and was horrible for me. I almost permanently damaged my hand in a drunk madcall with her. I have severly limited and phased out hard liquor. But when everything went great in march this year (even with covid happening) the girl of my dreams suddenly entered my life. I might go into more detail in this in a video format but. for the first 2 months it was magical. I knew her for 6 years but contact faded away. (okay i didn't know her that well but it was 6 years ago when i met her). I remember how we first started talking and i knew form the start even 6 years ago that this girl is something. I was dating someone else which ended up being a toxic relationship. some years later (3 years ago) she messaged me and she wanted to meet up but i was too pussy back then to do it and i just went on doing like nothing happend(cringe af). I felt bad, i knew i ruined every chance with this girl. But march/april 2020 she suddenly out of the blue contacted me. This is where things headed of.. It felt so naturally. I knew this was the woman i have been 'waiting' for (not really i was just living life improving myself, but alot of other women just didnt interest me). Fastforward to now and alot has happened. This woman has alot of issues for herself to resolve which is perfectly okay. But its a hard thing to deal with. I know i have to move on and even if we end up meeting in about months or maybe years we'll see. But my challenge/problem is... i'm hoping too much. Alot has happened and i know most of you guys would say Dude this girl isn not good for you. and I agree she isn't right now, But when things are worked out who knows? I'll might go into more detail about this later on since its alot more nuanced (objectively) than how i explain this right now/ - My friends One of the most difficult things i'm facing right now is the fact that im growing apart from my old group of friends. I've had tons of experiences with these guys, and i love them for it, After years of working on myself (undertanding that this is quite a common thing) i'm just starting to become too different from them as persons. I've tried to hook them on their own personal development journey ( and i am aware that they are anyway) but they just do not vibe in the same way as i do with it and it shows now. I wanted to quit alcohol and smoking(i'm not a regular smoker) for quite some time now but they keep insisting on joining in on it for 'the fun' of it. This worked for a while but i'm sick and tired of this. People need to learn to accept my boundaries or else its just done. Even if we experienced life for more than 7 years by now. This is something i've been struggeling with and i didn't express this properly to them. But at this poin't if i'm radically honest, i'm not bothered to do anyway. I view this on itself quite problematic. But as my father stated (who's really far with self-actualisation) This is just part of how life works. you leave people and you meet new people. But at this very moment i'm in the limbo regarding this. 2021 So for 2021 i made the following post in a post regarding 2021 wishes/goals: - Further expand on the Wim Hof Method, (Cold showers can be done at 2 min and 30 seconds now. want to up that to 5 minutes as a maximum), take an icebath and if possible attend a workshop guided by Wim himself. - Expand my calisthenics workouts. I'm doing oh so well but i have moments when i lose the consistency. Such a shame! I'm really close to some of the really advanced movements and if get the consistency right i probably be able to do them in about 6 months i suspect - Cut out alcohol and upper drugs completely. I had my fair share of fun with these substances but they offer me no benefit anymore. - Save money (atleast 6500 euros) This year i really became concious about how awfull i am with my finances. I already made a clear Sheet with my income and expenses, and i honestly do not have a bad income. Its just that i have so many bullshit expenses which i really want to tackle next year. - Learn and read more. I've been reading this year but not as much as i anticipated. So this definitely is gonna be something i'm gonna work on and i have PLENTY of books that are on my wishlist! - Keep being creative and create more. This year i FINALLY released some music on Spotify! THIS IS HUGE TO ME. till november i didn't release music and i had a very rough time getting better. But it worked out! I pushed through and boy was it worth it! I finally progressed to a level of developement in music which i am proud of my own work. I also gonna expand on my photography and surrealistic skills. - Increase my skills and knowledge as a housepainter. At this moment i'm working as a housepainter and for now i like it. I'm very adept at the trade and for as long as i have this as a job i want to increase my knowledge and skillset with it as much as i can for the time being. So i want to research every paint and coating system and materials i get my hands on. there alot more to learn! - Training my mind for systems thinking I already noticed that i'm starting to enter in this way of thinking in alot of ways and i want to get better at this way of thinking. Thank you for reading thus far. Tomorrow i'll post a reflection post on 2020.
  7. Fantastic topic ! Gets the creative juices flowing! - Further expand on the Wim Hof Method, (Cold showers can be done at 2 min and 30 seconds now. want to up that to 5 minutes as a maximum), take an icebath and if possible attend a workshop guided by Wim himself. - Expand my calisthenics workouts. I'm doing oh so well but i have moments when i lose the consistency. Such a shame! I'm really close to some of the really advanced movements and if get the consistency right i probably be able to do them in about 6 months i suspect - Cut out alcohol and upper drugs completely. I had my fair share of fun with these substances but they offer me no benefit anymore. - Save money (atleast 5000 euros) This year i really became concious about how awfull i am with my finances. I already made a clear Sheet with my income and expenses, and i honestly do not have a bad income. Its just that i have so many bullshit expenses which i really want to tackle next year. - Follow a Spiral Dynamics integral course. Via spiraldynamicsintegral.nl (i am Dutch) you can follow courses. Spiral Dynamics is something i've become pretty passionate about. I'm even thinking about becoming an consultant I really love to use the model to gain a better understanding about companies and people as individuals. - Try 5-meo-dmt. I've got plenty of experience with LSD and psilocybin; But i am really, really curious to what 5-meo has to offer I first gonna do a high dose of lsd and mushrooms first, with the right preparations offcourse ! - Learn and read more. I've been reading this year but not as much as i anticipated. So this definitely is gonna be something i'm gonna work on and i have PLENTY of books that are on my wishlist! - Keep being creative and create more. This year i FINALLY released some music on Spotify! THIS IS HUGE TO ME. till november i didn't release music and i had a very rough time getting better. But it worked out! I pushed through and boy was it worth it! I finally progressed to a level of developement in music which i am proud of my own work. I also gonna expand on my photography and surrealistic skills. - Increase my skills and knowledge as a housepainter. At this moment i'm working as a housepainter and for now i like it. I'm very adept at the trade and for as long as i have this as a job i want to increase my knowledge and skillset with it as much as i can for the time being. So i want to research every paint and coating system and materials i get my hands on. there alot more to learn! - Training my mind for systems thinking I already noticed that i'm starting to enter in this way of thinking in alot of ways and i want to get better at this way of thinking. I would like to find a meaningfull relationship too but i just have too many things i want to improve on myself to start with that Gonna copy this to my OneNote
  8. This is exactly what i'm struggling with. i keep making comparisons with the SD model. I also see similarities, but i've been studying spiral dynamics quite heavily. Its a nice exercise to try and detach that model when listening to the videos about the 9 stages of ego developement. They're both very valuable models though! I just scratched the surface of the 9 stages one, so i'm really hyped about that one. Spiral Dynamics really enhanced my life in a very positive way.
  9. i came across this quote in 'Words Without Music: A Memoir ' a book about the life of composer Philip Glass (Who himself definitely is in stage green!). The quote goes as follows: 'Kinder, Küche, Kirche' This quote was used when he was telling about how his mother was a woman who could be considered a first generation feminist and who didn't want to abide by the standard gender roles. The quote itself is like the epitome of stage blue!
  10. What does 'nothing' feel like?
  11. @Aeris Exactly my friend! Cool that you're into those genres, do have music to show? I've been dealing with some doubts about the genre i produce if its even something i want to produce anymore. The crowd is extremely dedicated to the genre, but since i learn more and more about various things about spiral dynamics and reality, i start to see that the genre itself is also quite BLUE/orange actually. The dedication comes form 'this is OUR genre, OUR music' etc etc and i realized this is quite similair to our 'civilization'. It also has alot of orange in it because most of the themes are about quite superficial things, and alot of artists recycle the same old rap lyrics 'because it sounds cool' or ' it sells' i'm in this group on Whatsapp and some of these guys are so pure orange. They are artist too but they made making music into something to sell, and it works quite well for them, but its all calculated and such. Someone even shared something about 'People on the dancefloor dance for about 30 to 60 seconds on this genre, so we have to arrange our tracks to fit that'. Well empirically i can beg the differ, i dance to music or get lost in it, and there is no timestamp or fixed arrangement that does that for me personally. But i find it a difficult pill to swallow that this happends quite alot actually. We have artists who purely make because the love to make music and express their feelings. But the orange part of music... Offcourse its the industry, not the music world. And ironically enough, alot of the artists that did stick to their own thing became game changers in the scene. Which, offcourse, resulted in a new orange following trying to imitate what that artist did. And its quite a hardcore world actually. An artist i really looked up too had a pretty bad disagreement with one of the leading organizers in the harddance scene and he was completely banned from all their events and got boycotted in other situations. Just a year before he had writtend the main anthem for that organizers event, and BOOM banned. Now 5 years laters things seem to have been settled between the 2 parties. The artist already had well over 300k subs on facebook and became internationally recognized, so he saved himself. But can you imagine the damage that was done to his brand? i find it quite shocking. He was one of the pioneers who really revolutionized the hardstyle genre back in 2008. But @denydritz has a point though. But that also depends on if its your primary source of income or not. I'm a painter(housing, monuments etc) so i got that part quite figured out for me. I can freely spend my free-time on my creative endeavours.
  12. Yes, i have seen this man before. I absolutely love this! If i see stuff like this i doubt if i have found what is 'my life purpose'
  13. Well as the title already says, i have a burning question for the artistic people here who make a living or earn some money with their crafts. I have multiple creative hobbies which i slowly but surely develope. One of these hobbies is music production. I have a passion for a specific type of electronic music (hardstyle or 'classic hardstyle'). there is a label who contact me who shares the same vision. Which is bringing you the sound from the past to the present. There is a growing demand in that particular sound. What i've noticed about most edm dj's, weither they are newbies, intermediates or professional artists, they all seem to act in the same kinda 'orange' and robotic way on their social medias. 'how was your day? have you seen my new track? burpaderppp link in bio or comment below' and literally 80/90% of the artists are doing this. So i suspect there is some kind of marketing trick at play here. The problem is, i really dislike this. i tried working in this way, but i got really miserable doing so. I am genuinely interested in people who would like my music, and i have a vision for music with more higher conscious subjects (which hardstyle is actually quite ideal for). I just want to stay authentic and write music and than put it on Facebook or publish it via some structure on Spotify (The label is definitely interested!) i'm about to launch a new project which fit this idea perfectly. i'm still working it out and writing it down but for the biggest part i'm happy with where i'm headed with this. But i how did you guys tackle this? What i've learned from Philip Glass (a composer who i respect to the heart) is the following quote: The Music world and the music industry are 2 fundamentally diffrent things. And this is exactly my struggle! The industry is orange at its core and the music world... well definitely stage green and beyond. My goal is to get my music exposed and heared without doing all these weird inauthentic tricks and mechanical messages.
  14. Did you read 'The Power of Now' by any chance?
  15. So i've been a huge fan of the Spiral Dynamics model. I listen to the mini-series alot and i bought the book so i can really delve deep into this fantastic find. It really is my most mind-blowing find and realization since i've read 'The Power of Now', which started my whole journey. I've also been watching Leo's latest work, which i absolutely love. Its so deep so from every rewatch there will be new nuggets of knowledge. On to the insight: I was working today, listening to the stage orange part of Leo's mini-series. At some point he talks about scientism and how Richard Dawkins bashes stage blue. But that he doesn't realize that he actually does the exact same thing as the stage blue people. At this moment something clicked in me. The stage blue people take the bible as THE TRUTH, Stage orange people take science and facts and studies etc as TRUTH. in this case truth = truth which is inside 'THE TRUTH' or the absolute. Both are false and a hallucination. If i draw God or Allah, thats just an imaginative concept. but i have drawn it in 'the material' reality. Yet it 'could' be god and in the absolute, it is. If i write a thesis or research paper, i use symbols for others to understand. But this is all in the same 'material reality' so in that case both the drawn gods or the research paper aren't diffrent. What i mean to say with this is, is that i start to read between the lines, or to see the big picture. The possible trap. I've been sharing and talking about Spiral Dynamics alot with my friends and family. Not everyone is interested but both my brother and father are. I was actually suprised my father already knew it, and he knows it well(I think my father is at yellow, he had a job which required systems thinking and a big picture view on things, he's also well aware of spirituality and non-duality and such topics). But my brother is pretty scientific and pragmatic and if i get too woo-woo with some of the material he plays the science card. He also gets a little triggered by some of the material Leo talks about 'because science blabla' The problem is i still like science and i like some of the material he shares (he shares alot of stuff from sources like pbs spacetime etc). But since i start to see that science is limited, i'm starting to lose interest in it and i'm not sure if this is a good thing. I absolutely love learning, but i know there is more than just 'the normal stuff'. its also quite difficult because apart from my father(which is awesome on it self) i have no-one to seriously discus these subjects. All my friends are into the more stage orange things. increased consciousness when i had this insight, i also experienced a moment of increased consciousness. i realized we probably can zoom infinitely in all directions, weither i see 'my hand' or 'atoms' inside my hand it doesn't change anything. Even if we, at this moment cannot zoom in further than the plank length it still doesn't change anything. 'zooming in and out'.. there is no in and out. It also made me realise the 'multi dimensionalness' of everything. I have these insights and realisations alot lately, which i think is awesome! But i'm really interested what you guys have to say about this?