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About NoN-RaTiOnAL

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  1. all im sayin is that the claim Leo made in the video doesnt resonate with my experience, so i wanted a clarification on that matter or other views so i could get it more accurately. maybe its false to assume that knowing how to create inner content all by yourself will have a spillover effect to other areas of life aswell. cuz it might just have an effect while your alone only. and maybe the corret way to do this practice holistically is to practice it willingly while being alone and while hanging with other folks aswell.
  2. i meditate usually in the morning for 45 min (25 min eyes open, than closed, i use a neurofeedback wearable) i mostly aim at relaxation and being comfortale in my own skin while i meditate. these days its become a part of the day I long for. the projections that are coming up are exactly the type leo was talking about. different types of chords that tie my sense of content with myself with reactions i want to get from others. and it makes me feel.. unhappy, nervous.
  3. one of the cliams made in that "how to make meditation enjoyable" video was that becoming content and joyful within your own consciousness would have a spillover effect to other areas of life and im not sure if thats my experience and wanted to open a discussion about that. i find that after about 5 years of meditating i already found my own way of doing it in a way that makes me enjoy it and relax deeply although i find that in social situations its really hard to maintain this level of content for me, all my projections start to appear in my consciousness mostly while im with other people, when im alone its pretty easy to forget about them altogether. it just doesnt seem related at all. i think this practice should be done while spending time with people consciously and not wait for an unconscious spillover effect to happen. what do you think?
  4. hmm currently im already 24. i explained in the post i spent a couple of years trying out different stuff to figure out what im passionate about in life. so idk i think about pursuing acting more seriously now which might take about 4 years and than ill already be around 29 and still probably passing deliveries and it sucks to think about that, but yeah maybe youre right and its just about a change in my paradigm. i should just focus on being productive while survivng in the best way i can and just get myself out of there as i will understand my niche better.
  5. so at about age 21 i did leo's course on LP and figured i value truth, humor, honesty and playfulness. wasnt sure yet what i should do with that and decided ill wonder around for a while and get a taste of different stuff. I got to try very diverse fields of career including: animation, video editing, acting, writing, psychotherapy, online marketing, education and yoga. now im 24. what really stuck with me were the worlds of acting, writing(specifically blogs and scripts), psychology, philosophy and spirituality. i find that im at my best when in front of a crowd or a class or a camera, im generally introverted but when the eyes are on me something new comes out of me and gets me out of my head into a pleasant state of being in the moment. i prefer working with grown ups. studying my own psyche is very interesting to me and much of my creative inspiration comes from these worlds of psychology. philosophy and spirituality. i love exploring and talking about these topics and would also like to even create a play or video clips which would introduce people to these big questions and explore the human condition. im not talking about the "talking head" type of videos but maybe something more theatrical and story-like. not yet sure what specifically. thats the general idea. what concerns me now is how do i balance this whole thing with my practical life? im gettting older and dont have a decent job yet.. im still at the theoretical level of figuring stuff out and i live by myself (left my parents home because i come from a problematic family and couldnt let myself stay there, no way im coming back) im doing deliveries and it pays pretty well and also not exhausting so i can keep following up on pursuing my LP. but heres the problem - its becoming frightening to keep it like that.. i dunno how much time its going to take me to start doing this thing im after and even more so for it to become something that pays the bills aswell. all the stuff i tried i wasnt studying seriously, i was just getting a taste from that to get a sense of how it makes me feel so i can make a passionate decision in my LP. i need to spend a good few couple of years mastering the writing, acting and editing skills required to do what i feel passionate about, i would also like to find a couple of likeminded people to cooperate with. the deliveries business has grown due to the pandemic and i have no idea if its going to stay profitable in the near future and i need to maintain my home responsibilities - pay the bills, the rent. goceries, cleaning etc.. i also try to build healthy habits in my life and i spend time cooking healthy meals, meditating and doing sport aswell. im also in a relationship and have good friends with which i want to mainatain the friendship and meeting with. this requires a very comlicated balancing act i try to maintain carefully with not much success usually haha.. usually one kind of resposibilty trumps the other. do you guys think i should maybe spend some time looking for a better paying more secure (but practical and less passionate) job? maybe learn some practical course on say online marketing? or is it just going to be a waste of time and i should put all my attention on learing the skills required for my LP? if this process of learing the skills for my LP is going to take until my late 20's i would feel ashamed if id still be putting out deliveries at that age.. so i dunno if maybe i should be planning out a plan b if this process would get me nowhere.. do you think i should just take the risk?
  6. i would suggest you go do a DNA test to figure that out. there are plenty of these everywhere now. it would save you lots of hassle with elimination. different people tolerate carbs differenetly depending on their genes. so go find out - its really simple do a google search on it. bread for me is actually really important to keep my energies up during the day, (of course if its high quality one not white trash) in my test we found out my carbs toleration is really high so for me a middle eastern diet is way better than keto and it does resonate with my subjective experience aswell.
  7. haha nice one! but dude i undestand your point. im already that. do you understand mine though? in the relative domain it takes time and balls to actualize that truth!
  8. at a certain point i actually looked for "my life" and i just couldnt find it. icouldnt "locate" anything at all. All there was is just some infinite mess of changing perceptions goofing around lol. and this was too radical i couldnt let go and let feeling take full charge. in time i guess
  9. So i did a 100mc lsd trip which which went about like this: first 2 hours - come up, nice visuals, beaty everywhere, curiousity, body high. 5 hours - picking, horrific, terror, anxiety, brink of mental breakdown last 3 hours - come down, gaining back control and basic understanding of my personal story and of life. so i went on to the trip with the intention to realize what is suffering fundamentaly. at the beginning it all went very smoothly and lighly i was taking a walk in beautiful natue with my tripsitter just enjoying myself. then at about 2 hours mark i get a message on the iphone. i decide to take a look - mistake (?) i get a message from my boss firing me from work. worry floods my system intensly as i just begin to pick... very horrific experience. as i sit and try to accept the messy situation i got myself into i realize that just by becoming acutly aware of the worry, not by doing anything about it, it loses its grip on my awareness and hence its emotional charge. of course i spiral in and out alternativly, i wasnt completly able to stay present and got sucked into the worry again.. but the insight is legit - i got an actual glimpse to how to actually get rid of suffering once and for all. the trip continues and i suddenly become aware of how my thought is a complex nested system of beliefs and that my "ego" is actually this entire structure and not just my personal story about "me" which im normally mostly aware of. its my whole understanding and way of making sense of my current experience. of course the minute i realize this im actually getting myself a stage beyond all those nested beliefes and i start to get glimpses of the "reality of this present moment" which is completly alien and bizzare. i start to realize there is actually no logic or sense in this present moment. no inherent meaning at all. no center, no beggining, no end. everything is just pure "unlogic" arising and passing away in a circular dialectic rhythm. i felt like this is it, the fork in the road, i felt like the universe is offering me the truth i wanted so much but it is wayyy too much for me. would i go for it and say goodbye to my life????? No. i realized the truth is what i hate the most. at this point i couldnt bear the truth. it was too much and i was already exhausted from the experience of getting fired while tripping balls. this is also when visuals became more acute. i got back home ASAP completly resisting the mental breakdown i was experiencing unwillingly. immersing myself in all the distractions possible to keep me in the comfort of my own personal beliefes. i spent hours watching netflix with my friend barely able to undestand a word.. then the trip started to lose intensity and i gradually gained control and familiarity with my experience. damn... i begin to write it all down and try to explain it to my friend which just gave me a grim and tired face lol he was actually saying : "da fuck bro.. you talking absulote crap.." and i accepted that, i undersand now that from his pov there is no nest of thought.. nothing beyond the pure tellings of his clever mind.. i realize that the whole point of concepts is to create stories in the mind that give it meaning, purpose, beggining, end, center("me"), security and continuouseness - which are exactly all the things it actually lacks !! haha. this fundamental "flaw" is antithetical to the nature of thought and its "purpose" to create purpose which is why there is always some suffering accuring in the experience of thought. deep down there is an intuition the thought is fundamentally all a lie which is why its never enough. but then when thought tries to figure it out all it can create out of it is more stories and solutions "outside" with a beginning, center and an end result. which just perpetuate the cycle. so evetually i got myself this important insight: suffering (the origin of which is thought) mostly leads to a doing ( the origin of which is thought) which can only create more suffering and the true solution is pure awareness of the cycle. there was also an awareness of the design of experience, of its dialectical process of becoming and gaining insgiht. this is complete geniuseness. the awe, shock and a feeling of humbleness flood my today. i just feel like a little baby whining in the sand box again not realizing how this is actually the most profound thing there is. thanks for reading.
  10. Hi i would love to read into the tale of an ego that worked hard and reached enlightenment, not through sheer luck, a suicidal depression or "spiritual genetics". but a truly dedicated one that did the hard work eought time until it happened, a tale that includes all the hard times and the good ones. one that could keep me motivated. could someone link me up? thanks! P.S not trying to map my progress or define a path for enlightenment. i know i cannot possibly know. i just seek motivation.
  11. So i got to do lsd once and mushrroms twice in the past but in a more recreational way. this time i want to explore them deepely and methodologically and get my first glimpse of a mystical state. ive decided to use lsd for now. and later to switch and explore other chemicals also. so i got myself 5 blotters, read a few books and trip reports and leo's videos on the subject. i would like to hear your suggestions also, how would you describe a first safe and deep trip? how much do you think i should consume for the first time? each tab is 125mcg what should i do beforehand? any suggestions in relation to mindset? should i do it on an empty stomach? or it doesnt matter with lsd?
  12. that sounds like pretty much the same concept. in the meditation you suggest the object becomes the accaptance itself which i come back to everytime i wonder. the duality you seem to suggest between direct and indirect paths sounds foolish. my opinion is that different meditation techniques offer specific qualities which are all important to develop yourself spiritually: calm in the body, prolonged attention, silent mind, loving kindness, mindfulness and of course acceptance and non-judgment are all important and are all pretty direct.
  13. such as the trancendental meditation technique or OM japa.. I find it helps me stay more focused and less wondering than other techniques but i still cant understand how using a mantra constantly in my mind would help me to quiet it.. i mean, doesnt it beat the purpose? did somebody here had deep experiences with this type of technique? do you have any specific routine you could recommend i should try?
  14. i think nobody will know the answer for you. as a rule of thumb my suggestion would be to never take the "or" attitude. try doing both simultanuasly and see how goes. than if you notice them conflicting than try to change and adapt to it. that is part of the process