Vladimir

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About Vladimir

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  • Birthday 07/12/1983

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    San Diego, CA
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  1. Just did about 10 minutes, started feeling tingling in my hands, it then spread through my legs and other lower areas of my body, then the whole area started vibrating intensely, I stopped at the point and meditated, my whole body was having intense vibrations like I've never experienced before, I just observed it vipassana style, the experience was very pleasant.
  2. I applaud you for your courage, thank for a motivational trip report
  3. Thank you for a reminder on taking it slow, I do have a daily meditation practice and recently started focusing on developing metta. I realized after these terrorizing psychedelic experiences that this is very delicate process that must be adjusted for an individual. I arrogantly went into it thinking "I'm going to face my greatest fears and release my deepest emotional trauma" and now I'm taking things slowly. @Nahm Yes you nailed it brother, I haven't been able to break through. I actually don't think I'm ready to completely let go and break through, so I'm concentrating more on gradual healing at this time. You're also right about too much too soon and not having enough foundation. I only had very limited meditation practice and one Vipassana retreat before I started taking psychedelics. My first several mushrooms trips and Ayahuasca ceremonies were very gentle to me, but it all went down hill after that encounter with non-duality. Ever since that episode I have flashbacks of it when using even small doses of psychedelics which makes me very uneasy to say the least.
  4. What's the point of enlightenment if you don't get healed in the process?
  5. Hey guys, The number one priority since I started on this journey has been to heal myself because I knew I had a lot of trauma from childhood and lifestyle. Around 7-8 months ago last year, I ran into my first experience of non-duality, which terrified the shit out of me, making me scream in terror, I thought in that moment I was done for sure. Prior to this happening, I was focusing on my heart and saw how much emotional trauma I have accumulated, I started to puke and then sob and wail like I never have in my life, I knew it was my suffering being released but I couldn't go deeper all the way. I'm not exactly sure when the non-dual experience hit me, but I really freaked out other people in the group (this was an Ayahuasca ceremony) including the host. So at this point, they started doing all kinds of shit to my body to try to "snap me out of the experience", what ensued was the most terrifying experience of my life, where I was facing my death over and over, and I couldn't figure out what was happening to my body, they kept touching my body, then dragged me upstairs and put me in a bathtub and started giving me cold showers and sticking acupuncture needles in my face, all the while I was trying to let go into my personal hell because I couldn't handle it anymore. Anyway, this experience repeated again in the jungle because I couldn't completely let go, and it was like I was stuck in that same loop between the body and merging with ONE again. Then a few months after the jungle I've done 5meo for the very first time, and the experience started happening again, along with the emotional sobbing from the heart, again I started resisting and couldn't let go. My question is, does enlightenment necessarily come with emotional healing/purging? And also, does it happen from the heart or the mind? I was just re-watching Leo's video on "What Is God? - Leo Becomes Absolute Infinity" and he talked about how he "didn't feel anything" but at the same time he said something like: there was so much love, it was being poured down my throat and I felt like coughing it up, so I'm confused whether he felt love or not, or maybe I'm misunderstanding what infinite love is, is not a feeling? So far what I've concluded is that there is a lot of resistance to accepting the suffering in my heart and that's where I'm carrying most of my emotional trauma. What have have been your experience with relating emotional healing and enlightenment?
  6. Yeah, same, would love to hear Leo's perspective on this.
  7. @Samuel Garcia @Leo Gura Were you able to do this without psychedelics? I've had multiple near-ego death experiences on Mushrooms, Ayahuasca and 5meo-DMT and the same themes keeps popping up which makes me resist - as my body starts to dissolve, there is a sense that in order for me to be reunited with God, I first must experience the most painful physical pain (because my ego/mind has constructed a story that without that, there can be no reality, and I have to be the one who does this). At the same time this occurs, I'm starting to have a very powerful emotional release, but I haven't been able to completely let go. I'm realizing this is ego creating this story because it doesn't want to let go, any suggestions on how I can deprogram this story from my mind?
  8. @Leo Gura How did you overcome fear of physical pain?
  9. http://reset.me/personal-story/personal-story-my-5-meo-dmt-experience/ Enjoy!
  10. Thank you all, this really helps.
  11. Hey guys, So I'm at a point where I've been experiencing a lot of distrust and anxiety to this whole process. What keeps coming up during my near ego death experiences is that "If I'm God and I created everything then I will feel all the pain and suffering of the whole Universe" - and that without this there can't be any of this that we're experiencing now, that this is what true awakening is, is to feel absolutely everything. I'm now developing paranoia and suspicion to this entire process, especially after learning about that woman who took a hit of 5meo-DMT and ended up having a trip where she was "dying everyone's death". Also if death is the same as ego death, then basically there is no escaping this path, so now I'm stuck thinking that eventually I will end up experiencing all the suffering of all creation in the end, no matter what path I choose. Leo, or anybody else could you please provide some guidance and wisdom here?
  12. LOL I wish I had your problems. Your medicine is called 5meo-DMT. Do you mind sharing your experience in more detail? Were you able to let go and go beyond the terror? I've also had an experience where I was begging for death, just to make it stop. What seemed to trigger the loop was the initial resistance from the point where I was going to face my true self, which was terrifying, something kept me from letting go and going deeper and then I got stuck in this loop where I was experiencing attachment to my body's comfort level, and it kept going from comfortable to uncomfortable over and over again at which point I thought I was stuck there forever, I couldn't handle the experience anymore, I was exhausted yet it kept going, at which point I told myself "when the fuck am I going to die already? I can't do this anymore!" I have yet to deal with the terror of facing myself in these experiences, I seem to have some deep programming from religions, even though I was never religious in my life. I'm still trying to figure out what is so terrifying in the depths of my own mind, but it seems to be something like: "if I'm God, then I will need to experience absolutely everything, and that includes all the pain and suffering, I will also have to experience the trauma I have accumulated in my heart in order to fully let go into the experience". What seems to terrify me the most is the fear of physical pain and suffering which is what we associate with death.
  13. Do you mind sharing your experience in more detail? Were you able to let go and go beyond the terror? I've also had an experience where I was begging for death, just to make it stop. What seemed to trigger the loop was the initial resistance from the point where I was going to face my true self, which was terrifying, something kept me from letting go and going deeper and then I got stuck in this loop where I was experiencing attachment to my body's comfort level, and it kept going from comfortable to uncomfortable over and over again at which point I thought I was stuck there forever, I couldn't handle the experience anymore, I was exhausted yet it kept going, at which point I told myself "when the fuck am I going to die already? I can't do this anymore!" I have yet to deal with the terror of facing myself in these experiences, I seem to have some deep programming from religions, even though I was never religious in my life. I'm still trying to figure out what is so terrifying in the depths of my own mind, but it seems to be something like: "if I'm God, then I will need to experience absolutely everything, and that includes all the pain and suffering, I will also have to experience the trauma I have accumulated in my heart in order to fully let go into the experience". What seems to terrify me the most is the fear of physical pain and suffering which is what we associate with death.
  14. The content of the speech is not as important as the way and style in which the content is being presented. The world is full of insights and truth, but the format in which it is being presented is not reaching enough people to cause change. The most important thing for me to develop is the unique way I'm going to be presenting the Truth with all of my talents - body language, dance, martial arts, voice, comedy, emotions, authenticity, confidence, eloquence. The same idea can be talked about in many different ways, just like a tree has a trunk and branches growing out of it, the thicker branches can be other strong ideas closely connected to the Truth and there can be many other branches supporting them. I should create a hierarchy of ideas which are all going to be supporting each other in the same way the tree is growing, the trunk being Truth and Spiritual Awakening. Before the content can be presented in a very powerful way, it has to be created, so it is very useful to write things down, record insights, read books, etc. The content can be posted at weareone.space blog as long as there is no expectations of anybody ever reading that content, that's not the main goal. As long as I'm recording insights and have great content memorized to speak about, the writing and talking to others about it (at actualized.org forum) is going to be very productive and efficient. Also, incorporate Unlimited Memory and Systems Thinking so the information can be easily recalled at any time. Having a lot of outstanding content at my disposal at any time is going to give me a lot more confidence when presenting these ideas and recording videos. As I remember from my solo trip in Idyllwild, there was plenty of artistic expression, but the content was missing, I struggled to come up with the content I wanted to talk about, so having fast access to a lot of content is going to solve that problem and I'll be able to create the most powerful messages possible while tripping and eventually back in this dimension. I should also come up with a list of important keywords that I want to use in my speeches (eg: change, direction, love, truth, ego, death, creativity etc.) I should create an exercise for contemplating all these words and keep asking the question - "what is it?" to come up with more insights and content.