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About Vladimir

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    Butt Monkey
  • Birthday 07/12/1983

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    San Diego, CA
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  1. @Loreena I agree with what you're saying here, lots of great points. I think social family structure is one of the most rigid ones and very difficult to escape. I stopped seeing and talking to my parents about a month ago because they only brought on negativity. For a long time, I've been trying to cut them off but I also kept sub-consciously guilt tripping myself for "abandoning them" - but they are family, we must help each other and stick together no matter what. What helped me make the decision and not have any regrets about is switching mentality from "abandoning them" to "helping them because I'm helping myself", the more I heal and become happy, the more I will help my family and everybody else in the world, we are all one. I've never felt happier in my life as a result and things are really starting to move for me, I think it was a major burden that has finally been lifted and I'm starting to get a sense real freedom. Also, you could ask yourself a question, if these people were not my parents or family, would I still keep them in my life? If you laugh at the ridiculousness of this comparison, then there is something to think about. I love the system you're proposing, it would produce a lot more happier and healthier people. Unfortunately, I think it's going to be one of the last to go in our society. The ingrained programming of "owing" something to your family, especially your parents because they gave you life, is one of the most difficult things to let go, I think. As far as other social interactions, in my case, I kept a lot of people around that I called friends for many years, including girlfriends, just to maintain the social status appearance, so I could say look I have friends, and here is my girlfriend, no matter that they are all contributing to my misery and thwarting growth, I have something to show for it so I'm not a loser. Crazy how the social structure perpetuates these beliefs on a very deep sub conscious level right? Well I'm at a point now, that I have completely cut everybody off lol, and I can honestly say I haven't been happier in my whole life! And I'm also, slowly starting to attract and communicate with like minded people that inspire me and give value, without much effort. Solitude is what everybody should be striving towards, from solitude can bloom authentic friendships and relationships.
  2. @5driedgrams That seems like a lot for micro dosing or maybe the strain I got is pretty strong. I only use .1g for micro dosing, anything beyond that gives me minor visuals which we shouldn't be having when micro dosing.
  3. Starting to experience blissful states in the middle of Yoga practice and meditations. I've been doing Yoga 3 times a week for about 9 months, but I think I'm just starting to understand what the Asanas are really designed to do. There is much wisdom to be gathered from looking at Yoga as a metaphor for life and I'm starting to learn things about myself by looking at it in this way. There is balance, breath which is the prana, the life force, that unites body and mind, unity (Yoga means unity), expanding and softening to the boundaries - physical, mental, energy, pushing further than originally thought possible, knowing when to ease off and when to push, the flow of life - everything is okay as it is, acceptance of all nature, the beauty of present moment experience, concentration, the inner world from which all reality is manifested, cultivating love, vitality, happiness, joy and other positive feelings, non reactive behavior, continuing breathing despite difficulties and challenges, non-competing but focusing completely on myself, non-judging, purification of mind, body and soul. Finished reading the book called "Yoga with a Purpose" which clearly explained the 8 Limb Path outlined by Patanjali. I realized I was already doing a lot of things mentioned in the book, like practicing meditation, asanas, concentration, non-harming, non-stealing, impulse control etc. but at the same time there are some of the areas where I'm still lacking like Aparigraha which basically means minimalism. Though I've gotten rid of a lot of things already, there is still a lot of stuff I'm holding on to that I really don't need and will probably never use. Another one is "Tapas" which is one of the five Niayamas (how you treat yourself) which refers to self-discipline. Overcoming laziness and procrastination is one of the things I put down on the whiteboard for things to work on, so it's good to be reminded of that, especially seeing that this one is really important because "it awakens the kundalini life energy within us" the more we practice self-discipline. It seems that everything that Leo talks about and this 8 Limb Path are very aligned and so is all the self development work that I have been doing, and this book really tied it all together for me, because I was still unclear with what type of mediations I should be doing and where exactly I'm headed with all of this. Well the ultimate goal for all Yogis is to achieve Samadhi (enlightment) by living a lifestyle outlined by this path, where Yoga Asanas (postures) is just one of those 8 things, or limbs. I think a lot of people don't realize Yoga is more than just postures, it's a way of life and there is far greater rewards for people that embrace the full life style than just flexibility and looking good. This path aligns with inner work, consciousness, concentration and meditation, relating the world and yourself in a loving way and reaching states of consciousness that are so incredible and blissful, that one would be utterly shocked of why everyone isn't pursing this and instead chasing illusions of success in the external world. It's like everything is starting to come together for me, Yoga is uniting all those pieces of the puzzle, I'm starting to see the big picture, I understand now that all the greatest treasures are hidden within "the biggest secrets are hidden in the most obvious places". True love, joy and happiness are to be cultivated from within and nature is always reminding us of it - the sun's nuclear fission which generates all the energy is burning from within, there is no external force coming from the outside the sun which creates all that energy. The nucleus of every cell in our bodies is in the center, within the cell, the way we see the world is through our own mental model of reality which is created within our minds, everything comes from within, and yet we still delude ourselves thinking, that some day, we will finally "reach that goal", or "find that special someone" who will make us truly happy. I think I'm still holding on to it on some level, but I feel I'm starting to truly letting that go, thanks to Yoga and all the consciousness work I have been doing which is now showing great results.
  4. @Arkandeus Okay, you know what, I got it now, I accept everything, fuck all of this actualized.org wisdom, I'm going to sit at home, not buy any food or drink any water....because why not? I accept myself, why do anything? I accept it all!!! I'm going to sit here and slowly die of dehydration, I'm going to watch my body deteriorate and suffer great pain and slow, excruciating death....Why not???!! I accept it! It's okay because it's all good, this is the ultimate solution to life's problems, how could I be so blind before? Of course this is it! The holy grail of life has been found! No more hero's journey, I accept the defeat! No more need to do anything! Life purpose??? Pshhhhhhh, this is it! I found it! My life purpose is acceptance of everything! Slowly dying of dehydration because I accept it all is the answer! Thank you so much for this wisdom brother!
  5. "acceptance always leads to love" - I must be delusional then to think that "acceptance" as you put it, could also lead to anything else but love. Unless we're talking different levels of acceptance like "real acceptance" vs "ignorant acceptance" in which case it would be nice to define it clearly....anyway What are you doing on this forum?
  6. This all sounds very enlightening and is a great way of seeing things to accept reality for what it is. However, the reason we're all here, I hope, is to improve the quality of our lives, and when you present this view, many people might interpret it as acceptance for their laziness and complacency which will lead do much suffering, emptiness and even suicide, because well like you mentioned - it's all good and part of universe. This is why I'd be careful posting replies like this for the question of life purpose where it can be easily misinterpreted.
  7. What I meant by doing is "spending time on". I don't know brother, I think it's important to make a distinction between many different levels of consciousness, people are at different stages of this journey, and for many, including myself, becoming as innocent as a child is nowhere near in sight. Meanwhile, the bills are piling up. So I think a better strategy would be to think how you can balance consciousness work with making a living, and even better, make the two complement each other and and work in synergy. You're still going to starve to death if you sit alone in the cave, relaxing.
  8. But we're different from animals in a way that we are part animals, and part Gods, so we have a dilemma of Ego vs Truth. If you're not doing consciousness work, you will find yourself relaxing in Hell, I've been there when I accomplished all my financial goals. I think all life purposes should really be aligned with self actualization work, otherwise we delude ourselves into believing they are our life purposes but they are really just distractions and ways of making a living, and it turns into seeking yet another goal rather than a continuous journey. What makes it very difficult to realize life purpose these days is everyone's priority of making money to survive, and what's even more difficult is aligning life purpose with making a living from it, though Leo is one of the millions who managed to do this. I disagree with Leo when he says "making money becomes very easy" when you're following your life purpose, I think this further perpetuates the myth of "do what you're passionate about and the money will follow". Good luck making millions with "jerking off" as your passion. I think it's also important to distinguish between "activities" and "life purpose" - which is a skill that you master so you can perform at your peak ability. Yes you can be a yoga or meditation instructor, a lawyer, a teacher, a painter whatever....but if that activity doesn't let you perform at your peak potential and utilize your talents, then it's not really your life purpose, but another hobby or job. I don't think it's necessary to align your life purpose with making money. Raising the quality of consciousness could be all of our life purposes at this stage of humanity's evolution. Though the gold coins aren't going to start pouring down from the sky as we elevate our consciousness to a higher level, we still need to go and sweep the floor so we can get paid for it and ensure our animal self survival, such is the world we're living in today.
  9. During a 3 hour contemplation and meditation session yesterday evening, I started understanding that illusion goes far deeper than I expected and it made me question just how distorted my idea of reality really is. The insight that our whole understanding of reality, who we are and everything we know is all in our heads made me question what other beliefs I'm clinging on to. We build our self image based on the past experiences, memories and knowledge which have been embedded into our long term memory with enough rehearsal. But what if we started practicing and thinking new thoughts and broadening our understanding of reality, learning new theories, trying out things that we haven't before, learning and experimenting. If we constantly remind ourselves about who we are and what reality is like on a sub-conscious level, wouldn't it be useful to become aware of those programs running in the background so that we can start changing them? One very powerful example is how our culture and most people today believe that true love can be found "out there", this idea is something people are reminded of constantly - in the movies, pop culture, songs ("baby I love you....I can't live without you..") dating scene, people get married -- all of this is a constant stream of programming information which embeds itself into people long term memory and becomes a deeply held belief -- "true love exists in the external world, I only need to get lucky enough to meet her." I'm starting to realize, I'm still holding this belief on some level, despite meditating for 2 hours everyday for the past 3 months and doing full time consciousness work of contemplating, self-reflecting, watching Leo's videos, unplugging myself from toxic information sources, reading books etc. How can you not hold this belief so strongly, if the most powerful source of information, especially innocent love songs and movies like "The Notebook" constantly program this into our sub-conscious for many years. I think this love message is actually creating a lot of suffering because people start pursuing love by seeking it in the outside world, while neglecting cultivating true love within themselves, which is where it's really found. Of course you can't market true, internal love for ourselves, it's intangible, you can't show it off to people, you can't post it on Facebook for everyone to be jealous of, like, comment and admire. So people, spend money, time, effort on trying to make themselves "fit" into the dating scene which promises increasing your chances of finding that true love some day. Many people have lowered their standards of love so much, out of desperation, that they're willing to accept much less than true love these days, which could fall as far as "like" or even "likes about him/her" outweighing "dislikes" about him/her - "We get the kind of love that we think we deserve" ~From the Perks of Being a Wall Flower, based not on the true feelings of love, but rather certain personality traits and positive feedback which would fall under our accepted "like" criteria, eg: makes me laugh, makes me comfortable, confident, intellectual conversations, understanding each other etc. With that said, I understand this is not as black and white as described here, no doubt people do fall truly in love, though it still falls far from the fairy tale story portrayed by the Hollywood. This can happen to people who already love themselves, though I'm not sure that even these people that find true love in a traditional sense of falling in love with each other, have cultivated true love for themselves, otherwise Romeo and Juliet wouldn't kill each other for losing one another. Then again, what would I know about love? I have never fallen in love in my life and I'm 34, I'm only starting to cultivate love for myself and beginning to feel what I've been missing out on my entire life. Joseph Campbell says: "the greatest hell one can know is to be separated from the one you love." Though is he referring to the one you love as yourself or another person?
  10. I've started getting ready for recording videos for the YouTube channel and have been reading out loud for about 1 hour every evening so I can get better at speaking. As I was reading the text, I noticed my body was getting tense and even slightly painful in certain areas, it feels like blockages and makes it pretty difficult to read and express myself verbally. I started paying closer attention to these areas of the body and was exactly was making it difficult for me to speak the words and I ended up coming with a few techniques which worked quiet well and let me improve my natural voice. The first thing I tried is reading very quietly because I first thought it I might be hurting my vocal chords by trying to speak too loudly in an improper way, putting strain on certain parts of the vocal mechanism, that didn't help, I still felt a lot of tension around the solar plexus area, tightness in the chest and constriction in the throat. I tried varying the pace of reading, and dis-attach myself from the way I was sounding, but that only made me mispronounce a lot of words and reduced the level of enunciation. The next thing I tried is plugging one of my ears, this has worked surprisingly well, because all of the sudden my voice sounded so much better and I felt a lot more confident speaking the words. I varied it by plugging one ear and then the other with my finger to hear the difference and eventually came back to hearing with both ears which almost immediately made it sound like my old self again and made it difficult to read. What I suspect from this exercise is that I'm judging the way I speak as I'm reading on a very subtle, subconscious level, because I have been doing this as a habit for a very long time. I've lived with social anxiety most of my life here in San Diego, which is about 18 years so it's not going to be easy to undo all of that negative behavior, I just didn't realize, until now, that I was doing this even while reading out loud, by myself with nobody around. I explored this further, by putting my hands over my mouth, leaving plenty of space for the mouth to read and breath. This technique has worked even better, I started sounding really good and was able to use mouth and facial expressions to make the text come alive which I wouldn't normally do. I also immediately got more confident with my own speaking, the words flowed naturally and the usual blockages in the body seemed to have diminished. This technique of holding the hands close to the mouth may be one of the best techniques to get me to like my own voice and unlock the natural ways I'm supposed to be speaking, while releasing tension and blockages accumulated to many years of self-criticism and judgement. While at a yoga class, yesterday morning, I drew a tarot card with the word "Strategy" on it and so I started thinking how I could do things more strategically in every area of my life. One of these areas is my life purpose which is making videos on YouTube, however, I think I should strategically work my way up to developing the skills to create those videos, instead of just jumping right in and recording them right away. Even though I could do this, a smarter, more strategic way would be to gradually "level up" the skills of voice, story telling, persuasion, and verbal expression (expressing ideas creatively and with confidence) to have good impact on listeners. Also, this will give me more time to work on other areas and get more ideas for video content, so I think I shouldn't rush this and continue expanding my knowledge and mastering the skills, sharpening all those weapons for the big battle ahead!
  11. What if we designed a more efficient system of thinking which would lead to less thinking / consciousness faster? I mean, what you call consciousness work / meditation is already a part of a more efficient system, so is unplugging from toxic information sources. I don't think I ever said "more thinking", what I'm proposing is redesign of a very ineffective system.
  12. @Leo Gura The mind is the problem for what? Enlightenment? Learning? Understanding, Memory, Comprehension? Language? Isn't our mind the reason we have been able to evolve past apes? Isn't contemplation the most important tool for sages? Isn't mindfulness/consciousness one of the practices which affects your thinking system, making you learn, understand better and more accurately perceive reality? If I stop thinking, will I not become a vegetable? I'm already seeing much improvement in my life thanks to what I've described above, my memory and learning has improved, my understanding of reality is broadening, my negative thoughts and feelings are starting to fade away, I'm gaining more clarity and peace of mind everyday, so where exactly is this problem? I understand it's useful to let the thinking go during a meditation and probably has to be turned off completely if we are ever to reach enlightenment, but we still need to live in this 3D world, how is making your mind more efficient going to be a problem? I thought this is what Actualized.org is all about, didn't you use your mind, learning, understanding, thinking to get to where you are now and create this community? No worries about raining on parade, I accept I may be wrong, but there are too many questions at this point. Hope you will clarify, thanks brother!
  13. That's a good point, but I think the monkey mind and neurotic behavior can only be there if we're not mindful and let ourselves run on automatic pilot. Becoming mindful and aware will give us a choice weather we want to be completely present in the moment or consciously choose to contemplate on the surrounding environment. We will be thinking about the environment and get reminded of things from it anyway, so might as well take advantage of it to benefit our purpose. I think consciously creating thoughts and associations that will help us achieve our goals, which will then eventually move in the subconscious is one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful way to change ourselves. Another example: I go outside the sun is shining, it's really hot, my sub-conscious before conscious thought choices and associations could go something like this: "It's so fucking hot, why does it have to always be so hot, I wish this place had more seasons, like a real winter" (this is what my actual thought process was like before I started thinking about this). Now that I'm becoming more selective of symbol associations, it's starting to look something like this: "The sun is a symbol of energy, vitality, power, happiness, joy, what I'm feeling on my skin is nature's love and warmth, it's activating the power within me giving me confidence, vitality and energy, all life on Earth comes from the Sun, I'm so grateful the sun is shining today! See how powerful this is? I do understand I'm tinkering with the most complex systems of all here and we have to be extra careful not to create more problems and mess, which is why it's important to look at the whole thing from the Systems perspective so we can be mindful of all the traps, opportunities, leverage points, feedback loops, inflows and how everything is interconnected with other systems - Memory System, Emotional System, Learning System etc.
  14. I'm trying to build a strong foundation for learning before I completely immerse myself in all the books I want to read on my list. The reason is inefficient reading, learning, memorizing, understanding, comprehending and even thinking and I'm frustrated by it, so like a good programmer, I want to master the mind and optimize these learning systems before I move forward with "writing code" or reading books and understanding reality. So the books I recently finished reading are Systems Thinking, Unlimited Memory and Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, I also started reading How to Read a Book and Signs and Symbols Sourcebook. The first, most fundamental system that I want to redesign and optimize is the Thinking System, so I'm trying to apply Systems Thinking to Thinking System of the mind. All information is the obvious inflow into the system, which can be either external (text, audio, visuals - environment (nature, people, movies, pictures, symbols, colors, shapes)), or internal - memories, thoughts. Some of the outflow that the Thinking System creates are behavior (movement, emotions, reactions, verbal communication), reality, paradigm, self-image, memories (short term and long term) and other thoughts. I think the stock in this Thinking System would be "active thoughts", in a similar way how the CPU is processing information. There is also another component to "active thoughts" - conscious and sub-conscious, and to continue using the computer analogy, conscious thoughts would be an open program like "Adobe Photoshop" and sub-conscious thoughts would be like programs running in the background. Since we're concentrating on Thinking at this time, I think it's also important to be aware of the "link" between active thoughts, both conscious and sub-conscious and how they create other thoughts. Installing meditation software. So from this break down of the Thought System, we can already make some useful conclusions, for example: the more I become aware of sub-conscious thoughts, the more freedom I will have to choose what thoughts I want to add, subtract and what kind of links I want to create between those thoughts. (eg: I became aware that I was blaming my parents for bringing me up in a way that created a lot of judgement, critisizm and limited beliefs in me), by becoming mindful of those sub-conscious thoughts, I realized it wasn't my parents creating these negativities in my life anymore, but rather myself (I am my worst enemy). Another example is choosing how to link thoughts to other thoughts that I want: a thought about my parents suffering because of their alcoholism and negative lifestyle triggered (link) thoughts (or rather emotionally charged thoughts) of pity, guilt, and sadness. As I became aware of these negative links, I could further analyze all the reasons behind these negative thoughts triggered by my parents and I can now create new, positive thoughts (new links): compassion, unconditional love, understanding, motivation (healing myself will heal and help them). These are just a couple of examples of intervening (taking advantage of leverage points) within this system's internal information flows. Similarly, we can intervene in the external information flows: 1) unplugging from all toxic sources of information 2) establishing quality information flows which are as closely related to helping the system achieve it's goal (Leo's videos, books) 3) create new links in everyday objects in the environment (tree is a system, green is a color of nature, nature is creative, intelligent, diverse, sun is a symbol for - Stage Yellow systems thinking, it's the source of power (solar plexus chakra), yellow is a color of joy, happiness etc.) there are countless ways of how we can integrate everyday objects and nature and making them reminders for triggering emotions and thoughts that we want to trigger, instead of allowing our minds to create random associations (links) even if they are negative and don't serve our system's purpose. This is the reason I want to study Symbols and bought a book called Signs and Symbols Sourcebook which is already giving me a ton of ideas for more associations within the environment and more effective thinking, eg: space is a symbol for absolute infinity/god, dot is the symbol for beginning and end (the content within the absolute), vertical line is a symbol for physical body reaching for the reunion with the divine (spiritual development), trees are vertical so it can now be a constant reminder for enlightment. From the Systems Thinking, the best place to intervene is in the System Paradigm, this is what happened to me when I took 5g powdered mushrooms, just about four months ago, which completely shifted my whole view of reality and myself and the reason why I'm on an unstoppable hero's journey of transformation and personal growth right now. By applying the concepts from Thinking in Systems, we can look not only at the world's problems, but ourselves, and our minds as the most complex biological machines and start applying the concepts from the book to all the leverage points, redesigning and optimizing our systems to become super computers, super humans, sages, saints, geniuses, demigods!
  15. I'm in a similar place with my parents. My parents are alcoholics and always blaming each other, fighting, creating drama. It got to a point where I just didn't see any value in seeing them anymore so I completely stopped talking and seeing them about three weeks ago. There are several insights I got from meditating on and contemplating my situation 1) By seeing and talking to my parents, I'm not really helping them, I'm only creating misery for myself by allowing myself to be affected by their negativity 2) In between the "breaks" where I stop talking to them, I start guilt tripping myself for not helping them 3) I realized I was blaming my parents for creating misery, negativity and limited beliefs for me, note how it's not my parents that are creating this misery for me, but myself (I am my worst enemy) 4) I will not blame my parents anymore but develop unconditional love and compassion for them 5) I can't guilt trip myself for not seeing them (because I wasn't helping them) and by working on myself and healing myself, that is the best way to help my family and everyone else in the world (we are all literally one).