Etherial Cat

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  1. I don't manage to quote you so I'll have to reply each points after one another. 100% agree. A lot of the "discussions" feel bad faith and I guess as I get older, I just don't have the time and energy to fight back. Yes, the discussions were full of bad faith. And they didn't care, because many of them believe that using force and violating others' psychological and emotional boundaries is a hallmark of power. That's really a piss poor attitude to have and by definition it is unloving, disrespectful and selfish. I'd recommend signing out as fast as possible of any of these dynamic manifesting in one's life because the odds are big that this comes from a deeper issue and our job isn't to fix it. Yeah there is aparently a whole thing around self help and how young men particularly can be funneled into far right thinking because the left doesn't provide them with adequet answers. The whole phenomenon with how self help is being co-opted by the right is an interesting thing that I have been looking into and talking about the men in my life when it comes to both Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. There is also this aspect of personal development that emphasizes personal responsibility and the ability of individuals to break free from social dynamics holding your back. So I suppose that to some extend, self-help can get more affinity with a ring wing mindset at first glance. And a lot of people will be motivated to go on a self-help journey to create for itself a socially constructed norms and ideals. Getting for oneself a compliant, unchallenging girlfriend whose job will be to answer your needs in definitely part of that. They'll camouflage this under words as such as "following your leadership" and "feminine" to talk about that subservient, mindless, object of a woman they want. It's all about them knowing better, assuming by default she's got nothing to bring to the table in a disturbing display of self-suffisance, entitlement, and pride. I have a lot of ideas why this form of misogyny is in a spirituality forum of all places. I wrote a lot of this out a while ago if you want to check it out: I read your text and found it to be excellent. You're absolutely right that there is often a lot of repression among spiritual people. Instead of acknowledging and addressing their legitimate psychological needs, they may engage in ego-repression, which can lead to the development of a thick shadow. This can result in the unlived authentic life seeping back in through feelings of envy, anger, or unfairness. It's important to recognize that our minds are closely interconnected with our bodies, and our psychological needs are just as fundamental as our physical needs. For example, our need for love and connection is almost as vital as our need to eat. While it is technically possible to survive without fulfilling these needs, our humanity compels us to seek unity and create love with others, as we are social creatures designed with that special divine purpose. On the Roe v. Wade stuff, I do think it's more of a religious thing because 2/3 of the country was opposed to that decision. At the same time, I do get the sentiment of things are pretty bad for this to have occurred in the first place. And I think economically speaking, a lot of men are but hurt about how they aren't getting the same standard of living as their fathers and are blaming feminism rather than capitalism. You also have women romanticizing the idea of being a stay at home wife or girlfriend and romanticizing patriarchial gender roles because of a backlash from the girl boss feminism in the 2010s and in general wanting to check out of having work and struggle to pay the bills. Like I'm aware that these subcultures exist on the internet especially but I do think that my own social circle is an echo chamber as well. Although two-thirds of the country may have been against the issue, it's probably important to note that half of the population is made up of women (probably 75% in favor, and 25% of righteous pick me). This makes me concerned that a significant number of men may feel indifferent to the issue, to the point where right-wing fundamentalists could exploit this apathy. It's a sign that things aren't going super well. In my experience, about 90% of the men I encounter have a very poor understanding of feminism and its principles. Many of them believe that there are little to no issues with being a woman in the western world today and the complains are exaggerated. I am aware of the stay at home wife and girlfriend movement. Truth is, the horror of being a woman in a patriarchy is that you don't get to rest in your femininity and your anima is always racing. Getting under the umbrella of a man can put your animus to rest, and it's also not rare to read about feminist women having sexual kinks for domination just because submitting to the injunctions gives a short impression of letting go. I have heard from a lot of people sharing their accounts and often times I'm just left sitting here like *do straight people even like each other!?!?!* I feel like I have a pretty good relationship and I know my friends have good relationships. And while I cannot imagine having my significant other treating me in a crazy way or the possibility that my significant other and I aren't friends, there is a part of me that feels lucky to be in a healthy dynamic where we both like and care about each other and are able to be emotionally vulnerable. I kept telling this to myself as well. There are soooo many of these dudes around pandering to the other male's gaze . Like, especially the Andrew Tate and the like, they are OBSESSED with masculinity and hate us demonic femoids to the point that I am finding it sus It's either that they are gay and can't tell themselves or that their are sooo terrified to expose their vulnerable part that they do not allow for any real connection with a woman able to truly be intimate with them. I also hear stories from older women on how they end up taking care of the bulk of the house work, on how they cannot rely on their HUSBANDS to take care of their kids (and if anything their husband is like an additional child), and the amount of weaponized incompetence that is utilized. I also know of the statistic on how if a couple gets divorced, odds are the woman is the one who is initiating the divorce. At the same time, I do realize that because of my age, that I'm mainly encountering these stories online and that I have yet to see this in my peer group and I'm most definitely not naive in thinking that this doesn't happen irl. I suppose I'm only privy to a certain extent of what men behind closed doors discuss amongst themselves. Yes. I suppose we are all trying to see what are the challenge at other stages in a woman's life to try to dodge the bullets. There is this absolutely killer book by the swiss writer Mona Chollet, which is named réinventer l'amour and talks exclusively about love relationships in the context of patriarchy. It's only available in french as of now so that's too bad, but otherwise I think you would have found it great. I suppose it will be edited in English in the future, so you might actually get a chance to read it. I'm glad that leaving this website has helped in your mental well being and that this is serving your goal for self love and development. We all deserve a better environment to flourish and develop. Yeah it did. Though, it's been also a great resource in the past and I am thankful for having met most of the people I befriended here. The learning curve has been insane for me. I'm not going to take this away. But my impression is that I have seriously outgrown this space and need other environment where I can actually grow without having to make myself small. Usually, one needs to make room for something new to come by discarding the old. Anyway, goodbye *here* Soos.
  2. Overall, I believe I have expressed everything that needs to be said. Repeating myself would be futile as the intended message seems to fall on deaf ears. This is not a flaw, but rather a deliberate aspect of the situation. Just like the abhorrent harassment was never recognized as problematic because it serves the male-centric culture of this forum by silencing a woman's viewpoint. Having a unique perspective, voices, opinions, and being treated as human generates discomfort for a group of men who prioritize their own needs and desires. It surely can be quite uncomfortable to be confronted with one's blind spots and narcissism, especially when someone wants to appear on its best "Chad" behavior around. I'm not entirely sure how common this is, but in my experience, it tends to be worse here because many of the people who frequent this space have a proclivity towards arrogance and are quick to project their deep-seated shame onto others instead of engaging in introspection. There is really little ability to come clean with one's shame and vulnerability. This creates a toxic environment that fosters contempt for others and often leads to a lack of self-reflection and a reinforcement of problematic behavior. It can be challenging to admit when one is wrong, so individuals may double down on their behavior instead of taking accountability. They'll also come up with plenty of justification to rationalize it all away. However, if you're wondering to what extent sexism is rampant among men outside the forum, I'll just recall you that your country has overturned Roe v. Wade which tells a whole lot about the current situation. It seems to be particularly fueled by the dreadful economic cycle we are going through, which make men feel even more inadequate so worried about their ability to build a life. Which I have plenty of compassion for... but it shouldn't backfire on us. But it tends to because it's easier to ressent those you see as below you than the one you see as above. Especially when you seek to join their club, which a lot do. Also, for what I do know and observe in my real life, the majority of couples I see suffer from a dynamic in which women are constrained to hide their inner lives from men who either can't or don't have a genuine desire to take seriously their thoughts, emotions, and perspectives. It's just that same pattern on the forum, but IRL. And this one nightmare of a dynamic is like HYPER prevalent. Lots of women do not even realize it because it's so normative, until they get sucked dried and realize they've been pissing their life away. Generally, the societal contempt for the feminine translate in a contempt of a man in a relationship for the perspective and interest of the woman he is with, which leads to a total absence of attunement and intimacy. I cleared my journal because it made me want to come back as it was an attachment. I regret it in the sense that I wish I had saved the content before doing this impulsively. But overall, severing the ties with this website has improved my mental health significantly and exiting the relationship made me feel empowered and in charge of what I tolerate and what I don't. I basically dumped that place because I love myself enough to know I deserve a better environment to flourish and develop, and because participating in it made me feel as such as I'd still take part in something I actually don't approve of.
  3. Upon reflecting on my experiences in this forum, I have come to the realization that it does not align with my personal values and beliefs for several reasons. Specifically, I have observed a recurring pattern where many men seek reassurance through the disempowerment and humiliation of femininity. I believe this behavior stems from their own damaged self-esteem, which generates a conscious or unconscious desire for domination and control over women's lives. This desperate desire to feel more masculine often translates into a pathological need to have the upper hand at all costs over women. Throughout my time in this forum, I did not feel as though the men here wanted me to have a fulfilling life where I could be loved, cherished, and respected as a sensitive and intelligent individual. On the contrary, it was evident that many of them harbored deep-seated shame, which made them resistant to the idea that anyone deserved such treatment, especially women for various reasons. I cannot even begin to recall the number of disempowering narratives designed to humiliate and demonize women that I encountered here, and they only served the exact purpose I described above. In reality, love is rooted in mutual faith, trust, a desire to see the best in everyone, and a genuine desire to care for another's heart. Unfortunately, this behavior in the forum does not exhibit any of these qualities. Instead, it is driven by a desire to disempower, dehumanize, and distrust women. This is because many men here deeply resent femininity and are caught in a double bind with it. They share a common belief that they are not good enough or masculine enough to achieve their goals, and as a result, they reject the feminine aspects of themselves, thinking that this is what makes them weak. However, in doing so, they also reject their most intense drive, which is the drive for love, intimacy, and unity, ultimately leading to terrible suffering. The lack of compassion, mercy, kindness, and care for one another in this forum is a direct result of the many individuals who have a software program in their minds that automatically rejects femininity in all its forms due to their shame wound. Or if they accept any form of femininity, it is only through a pre-approved, unthreatening meek form, which ultimately is unchallenging and boring. So this is among other things why I have decided to leave this place for good. Most of the men here are not interested in co-creating love. They are too insecure and obsessed with the idea of losing. Deep down, they believe that they cannot be loved for who they are because they do not love themselves, leading them to believe that no one else can either. Unfortunately, unconditional love is the biggest shadow of this forum. I refuse to create relationships based on these patterns again. Life is too short, and I find it difficult to forgive missed opportunities for co-creating love and beauty together. Moreover, I am unwilling to spend time in a space or with people who do not take my best interests into consideration and deny that such patterns exist. This behavior only serves to maintain the power dynamic that I have described, for the reasons I mentioned. Furthermore, I firmly believe that seeking to spend time in a self-help forum where your empowerment is seen as undesirable is a joke by definition. Also, as someone who has been doing a lot of work to reintegrate my own unconditional love shadow, I just don't want to spend any more time here. I actually just logged in to keep on deleting my whole post history and wipe my presence away from the surface of this forum. I saw a post where my name was mentioned so I thought I'd reply you here. I hope it doesn't bother you. I wish you the best on your journey. Lots of love.
  4. Integrate your shadow. Start valuing and understanding emotions - otherwise there will never be embodiment nor integrity. Theoretical knowledge isn't the real thing when it comes to spirituality. Solve the sexism issue. That comes from n°1 and n°2. A spiritual community facing such issues in 2022 is shooting itself in the foot. -- Could you also delete my account? Thanks, and best wishes.
  5. A marriage doesn't mean necessarily they are still tied romantically to each other. It's... a legal construct. A way to arrange one's life/survival together. Dissolving it requires a lot of paper work, and negociation. It changes someone's tax status, and potentially someone's resident status in a country, per exemple. Honestly... If they've been seeing each other only once in 4 years... I'm under the impression they aren't that much into one another in a romantic way. They seem to be married but living separate lives or something. Do you know why he is coming where she's at, even though that guy is Australian and they haven't met in 4 years? I think that's probably one of the key element to understand what's their situation like? You should take into consideration what she told you, and not dismiss it that fast. Hasn't she been particularly honest with you in the past, to the point of making you uncomfortable with her admission? A big recurring problem that I see on this forum is that guys do not take seriously what women say, and project a lot of their unconscious ideas on what is often a much more benign reality. If she hasn't seen her husband for 4 years, and she's been having awesome sex and moments with you, there are some odds that she's really not planning to have sex with him, because she's not even anymore that into this husband. He's a choice she made a lot time ago. Perhaps she doesn't even resonate with him anymore. What did she tell you about him? Does it sound to you that she enjoy having sex with him and would jump on the occasion to do so? Female sexuality is very different from masculine sexuality in the sense that a man would engage sexually with most women who meet his attraction threshold but women are very much more resonating with how a guy make them feel emotionally, or because of romantic feelings. Another point here is, that I think you might be feeling threatened in your masculinity because a girl you've got your sight on is in a situation where another man is gravitating very close to her. Obviously, you are jealous and feel powerless just because this situation is happening. This hints to the point above. So, I don't agree with Roy's way of presenting things as it sounds particularly infantilizing and hold the seed to many other problematic aspects in a relationship as such as a lack of communication that I can't stop reading about as the n°1 complain and the reason why heterosexual couple burst in the west, but he's got a point when he says that you are complaining about a situation you've been co-creating. What about what you should have been doing / what you should be doing in order for this situation not to occur ? You haven't claimed that woman. If you had taken the initiative to tell her you wanted her as a part of her life, and contributed in co-creating a life together, you'd have had a right to complain. But you didn't. You did nothing. Because you aren't sure yourself of what you want. In any case, you haven't acted as her man, so you don't really get to complain as if you are. Now you are in a situation where you want the butter and the money for the butter. I agree with aurum there. Even though, I think she might not even necessarily pursue him. Maybe he's coming over at her place to save up money, like any other guest would if there is enough space in her appartement. It's rather common. I know separate couples that are sharing houses and date other people while going through life transition. It's rather common nowadays. Actually, most of the long term relationship I've seen ending in the last 1-2 years have been following this pattern. It's odd, but it's due to how tight the housing market is and how the finances of 1 or the 2 individuals are tight. From outside, the optics look bad but I know for sure these couples have very little interest fucking. Most of the time, these were relationship were little romantic feelings was left but deep affection and sharing a life together was an habit.
  6. Hello dearest @soos_mite_ah, I am so happy to hear you've found a special someone. What you can offer him depends so much of context that's it's a bit tough to assess what will make a perfect gift for your beloved. But here are a few thoughts: - Deep within, what we crave most from others is their presence/awareness/love. So I would suggest that whatever you gift him comes from that place, and hint you've been mindful of his life experience/needs since you've met him. I've found throughout time that a good Christmas present is always touching in that way. Show him you are attuned to him. -Objects can be very cool, but the nec plus ultra is probably shared experience. I don't know what are your ressources, but maybe you could gift him with a small trip, or organize some very cool stuff you know he likes that is a bit out of the ordinary. And there, you could make sure again you give him your undivided, loving attention. Some real quality time. -Check around his center of interest and passions. - . Yeah. I would advise against any type of blatant self-commodification. You probably don't want to enter a dynamic where Christmas sex, birthday sex and all that becomes a norm or expectation . But if you're crazy about him, maybe you can buy yourself some really beautiful underwears (Etsy got gorgeous stuff) and dig for some know how and set him up for some nice time together !
  7. I had no idea who Igor Kufayev was, so I had a look at his website and there are indeed pictures of him surrounded by women while he sits on some sort of big white sofa and they are on the floor. Another picture of him I could find quickly was depicting him with his wife while he's showing her the way with his hands in a white, guru like dress. She's on the side, looking at the direction he's pointing. I've seen this kind of picture before, especially in weddings between people from countries with traditional values where the woman takes a subservient role. It's hard to assess like that, but I must say I have been extremely disappointed by how some men would behave in spiritual communities, regarding women, but also everything remotely considered as womanly/feminine. What I have finally come to understand recently is that spirituality, and the social circles around it, like many other areas of life, is influenced by the patriarchal cultural inheritance because it is all that has been known since the beginning of the formation of agrarian societies. In this context, what Ken Wilber calls ascending spirituality is the norm, as opposed to what is called descending spirituality. And the shadow of the ascending spirituality is the descending spirituality, and vice-versa, but since the descending spirituality (which is the feminine principled aspect of spirituality) is the one that got repressed for millenium, those who managed to reintegrate it in part or fully tend to understand the value in both conception, while those that are predominantly following an ascending path do not. And the ascending path is characterized by seeking transcendence, and by understanding through predominantly mind-conceptualization, thoughts and ideas which creates the pitfall of spiritual bypassing, repression/suppression, or the illusion of knowing what the descending path is about through a vague idea of it. In all case, it is deemed as inferior and impure. The resistance to the descending spirituality comes from a form of literal disgust for the earthly. And what is very sad is that by trying to transcend and distance oneself from earthly reality through transcendence or the world of ideas, one makes earthly existence much more unpleasant than it needs to be for everyone. It also contributes to a vicious circle. Another problem I see is that in order to achieve enlightenment one needs to be balanced between the two principles. The emotional component of the descending path and the relationship to reality is really important to recognize no-selfhood. Understanding non-duality from a theoretical point of view, or through the mind will do very little to dissolve the emotional sense of self. And the repression of emotions so typical of the ascending path creates a shadow that can be very dense and will pull the strings from behind... Not to mention that it causes a variety of psychological issues and unnecessary suffering. Also, I know that every time I have transcended the ego in the past, it was because the opposite polarity of the ego's vibrational frequency (which is fear) had become dominant. So I think love/unity is what needed to be realized, like a secret key to undo the ego, so to speak. You're welcome. She has a great number of video that are great on her channel. She's a force of nature, with a great understanding of the two polarities. I can also recommend you to watch her videos on the Anima/Animus. Ultimately, being able to spot fast if a man's anima is well integrated will save you a lot of time. A man can only be with you and see you through an unfiltered gaze for as well his anima is well integrated. Otherwise, he'll project on you his shadow. It's very uncomfortable and it makes you feel amputated (both intellectually, and emotionally). And sometimes it is even simply dangerous in view of the fact that the decorrelation between the figment of one's imagination and what is really may be massive. Seeing people for what they are, not through a mind distortion is paramount to attune to their rights/needs.
  8. @newbee Oh. Thanks so much for sharing this blogpost! It arrives exactly at the right moment in my life. --- A good way to know whether one is falling into the trap of unbalanced non-duality is to see whether: Ideas are favored over Reality Intellect over Emotions Mind over Matter Hierarchy over Cooperation Doing over Being Growth over Contraction Admiration over Unconditional Love Movement over Stillness Ideologies over Wisdom Planetary dominance over Planetary concern Social structures over Nature Economy over Ecology Ideal over Real Individuality over Oneness/Connection
  9. Is there room for people who are willing to give you credits when it's due, but do not see you as 'the most awaken person there is' in this case, then? The problem for me is more a question of positioning. I can't follow your leadership because this frame you are setting comes off as absurd to me. And it's not that I do not respect you as a person. I do respect you. If I felt you were 'the most awaken person' there was I would have no problem following your leadership, but I don't. Also, there is nothing personal there. I would probably just never follow anyone who would label themselves, or behave as such they are. I used to 'follow you', because the term of the deal was different. There used to be a a lot of room for people who would just follow 'Leo' and take as hypothesis his insights and demonstrations. No particular games are being played there. I don't find this situation funny. I'm not being against you for fun. My thoughts on the matter is that someone who's running a big community like yours, and has a successful Youtube channel can be pretty much caught into a difficult situation where its ego becomes inflated. The wise response would not be to engage in a joust, but try to avoid that joust so this person do not get defensive. At the end of the day, you decide whether people who do not see you 'as the most awaken person there is' cause a leadership issue that is incompatible with your teachings. You are in a relationship with this whole forum, as you say, and it's a dynamic that will be at the bottom of many interaction you'll have there. It is true that I can leave the forum anytime. Which is why I post rarely nowadays. I also do not resonate with part of its energy much anymore as of now. I also don't really see the point in hanging on a forum where the ban hammer limits my voice like a Damocles sword. But I think I have said what I needed to say. Not sure for all of these reasons listed above if it's worth posting. As long as this will be the frame, I suppose I better use my time differently, indeed.
  10. I went through an Ayahuasca ceremony a few weeks ago. While my mind and body experienced different states/perspectives, my awareness didn't budge. Consciousness doesn't increase or decrease on psychedelics. Consciousness is already perfect as it is. Psychedelics act on the mind/body level. They make them interact differently with awareness, be more transparent, hence the insights. Anyway, that's my take on it. I think that is also what Ralston says.
  11. Well, that's the thing. I can't really hang on your forum anymore because it comes off as unintelligent in many way to oppose your POV, as its leader. I can't be myself in this environment, without feeling it's painful on both side. I suppose it's just an incompatibility case. But you theoretically want to make sure there is enough different POV so you don't end up in an echo chamber. ?‍♀️
  12. My inner authority tells me it's not. I've proven it to myself. I'm not interested in convincing anyone I am right about it. Everyone needs to do its own work.
  13. This is exactly what I am talking about. It's not empowering, it's not loving, it's not kind. It's a 'I am better than you' disguised as help, preying on the fear someone cannot get enlightened and thus get rid of its suffering alone, without your guidance. I'm over that. You helped me a lot, but this type of mentor/student dynamic is not how one gets awaken. It's bad for me, and bad for you.
  14. It was obviously a witchy trick. A reversal psychology game theory spell.
  15. You are not the most awakened being there is. It comes off pretty painful to see you insist on it, from posts to posts, when what is happening is a clear case of an ego co-opting awakening/ and intellectual insights as a way to strengthen itself. It's pretty basic, and easy to spot from an outside perspective. I suppose since it's not necessarily the nicest thing to point at, and that when someone slack off from your gravity pool there is no more strong feeling one need to 'do something about it', it's rare that it's being told to you. But lately, your situation comes off as very bad, and I would highly recommend you to seek some help, before you keep sinking more and more into delusion. Now I already know, I'm going to be threatened, belittled, told I am not awake enough, not smart enough and all the likes. But that reaction is exactly what makes me know you are not the real deal. Love, gentleness, kindness, and respect is quite foreign to you (as of 2022, you used to be a cool guy), and your forum looks like a 'spiritual' BDSM studio where you followers enjoy you pouring melted wax on their low-self esteem wounds. If you want to connect with the unconditional love that is so longed for and talked about, you might want to start to incarnate it. You are totally bereft of it. Hence your obsession with the idea of it, and your constant need for superiority. It's the infamous zero sum game mentality, all over again. A need for superiority on the Buddha, Tolle, Ken Wilber and obviously, your followers. Seeing anyone doing better than you is a threat to your sense of self. What a Guru! By the way, I know you've been itching to ban my account for a while. If you feel like burning the witch, feel free to do so. I suppose stating the obvious has this cost.