KosmicGeng

Dude you can also just work-out, I am part Texan I get the point I am mad enough without a gun. Masculinity can also be reached in a grounded way through meditation, most of this I still resonate via music etc. to push the edge, but it's not really mature masculinity, I am still growing there also, so idk just the whole point of guns if not treated atheletically will cause massive issues, I would prefer to do biathlons instead of owning a gun, anyhow I put the website on block, I hope people don't misread my intetions and focus more on my darker energies this will not turn out good, I have to mitigate it with spirituality anyhow from all the information I consumed that is also very labour intensive.

I have to get of the forum and actually do some studying work there is so much bias, I will lock it down and just focus on what I am integrating now, I wasted a lot of time here with this account and imo I face the same issues, the people I yearn to talk to that are benefical and open-minded I don't find here, they are like Leo says they just wait like dogs being wait to feed and the few curious once I just spam information etc. imo Leo is partially also misguided some experiences he mentions omfg, I would not believe a human would do that, but seeing america masturbating at home, seeing only fans etc. Just having a high sex drive alone shows me plenty of issues, I would still usually reqiure 1h30 of workouts per day to get to the capacity of my biology, and I am suprised still I have so much energy, I just can't find good usage at times, as the small details that calm me down are an issue, imo this enviroment does not allow me to regulate my pns and I still have some issues with it anyhow I will block the site now, I have A.I I am mostly done with most members and looking forward to what Leo posts his perspective and takes are very good, especially having introduced Wilber, Sri Aurobindo, Leibniz, Spinoza, partially Deepak is what I resonate with, but I also resonate with more of the collective wisdom, Eckhart Tolle & Sadghuru, it's at times not the best to be here, but I have to little good friends I will be back, putting this on hold is better and giving myself time to think about growht, dating phd's being hit on by scientists, and my own family story is complex enough to write 10-12 volumes and I don't even know half of my american educated family and imo a lot of white trash pulls down that perspective exactly on men, and then we get these "race wars" Yesterday I talked to a guy called iglesias from the internet provider we had to laugh as our surnames automatically make us fame at times, I don't know how many rap takes I have heared speaking about williams but I am still in that mode blocking the side now, I would've most likely killed some policemen cleanly I am so done with this trash fucking russian story within my family, I am so disgusted if I would not have german/czeching roots I would most likely flip entirely. I love this shit at times just opens me up anyhow. I'll block the site now.

You're welcome, I am more on the aggressive side of things, the entire channel I just posted, has a lot of good takes, just studying animals and biology often refocused my biases towards just understanding evolution and taking it out of the social paradigm, the social paradigm, is a huge game, and even Wilber has hot takes with the mean green meme and post-modernism, which is the "best" you can get as development from a women, and many just revert imo to that collective I love healthy green, but it turns mean very fast with evolutionary topics, trump & vanity, having read pride & prejudice imo there is a lack of women giving back the education they gained, still playing to win ressources, which is not integral enough as a purpose alone imo, just family, company and provision I just been in that type of relationship nothing wrong with it, but very self-serving, in some cases women can do better business, due to having sex appeal and that type of leverage Alex Hormonzi admitted that about his wife and imo he is a good source to study from to become self-made, even though it has become more business gimmecky recently and not as organic. Studying Maslow & Sprial dynamics just some audiobooks are also good primers I would not take a womens advice on dating, relationships are something else, but anything outside of being authentic is often ill-advised and has to be approved by men in order for it to work, I am still very foolish, but I am also just often shamelessly me, I've been subtely discriminated by women for various reasons, only to figure out in their "womense" it can mean interest or even thinking about me sexually, framing me as gay reading some player books etc. for e.g the book of pook was still fine to read, Leo's takes are also very good and more peaceful and genuient, but at times imo he just plows to much the post-modern feminist frame and lacks understanding in the evolutionary framework I was just put through. It's very easy to see from the oustide if a relationship works, be it stage blue, stage orange, stage green or an integral one, the integral ones are more complicated and nuance, as the lower stages become more present similar as with evolution the perspective and dynamic changes from the underlying mechanism, also the "manipulative" frame, but in the end it's strategies and tactics to get to the goal, it mostly depends how ethical is the strategy and what will the strategy achieve? That might be a good perspective, I am still working on understanding various points, but I am also just a gamer with a degree, imo the academic snotnoses from the U.S lack serious integrity that they claim, they have I am just racist enough to immeditaely go to the asian sources, as we complain often about the same issues, anyhow again just my take, there are plenty of integrous ressources but I highly doubt the women on this forum are as enlightend as they want themselves to look, just prepping up ego online, I did online-game and I ran some of these manipulative tests Eban Pegan recommends, just shows if the inflated self-perception pops, she will turn to murder, calculative ahrimanic force and coagulate in her materalism, it's cringe at best cringe would already be authetnic for the internet paradigm that exists, but I don't know you. I am still curious and learning from the perspectives and having a larger variety of opinions is quite good, I don't think you have evil intent, and many women are to prone to cling to the "positivist" saving grace of science or the "damsel in distress" claiming to go for god, I had plenty of experiences with friends, like this idk as the whole concept of nuclear family is breaking apart, due to post-modern regresses of society, I don't really know I can talk with this for ours on dates with women & integral theory most are positive, then think about it, just consider survival, and the one who provides the house and ressources is then traded for sex, I mean I masturbate more intelligently then most women will give me sex, so idk what to think. I am very autonemous, I am just pissed when autonomey is taken from me, due to forcing socialization, I select also, and I am very open usually anyhow, I hope this still helps, I am not one of these pseudo-alphas vouching for modern success, worst comes to worst I will defend myself physically, a lot of men still notice these impulses imo, especially if they somehow hit through survival or not the integral cognitive stage, as that makes survival more apparent, but one can quickly fall asleep with all of the comforts the world can provide. Anyhow I am very feed-up as I would prefer doing martial arts and go back towards integrating the depth my body faced in terms of masculinity, as it goes quite deep, and often breaks the frame as an outlier, and I still behave very well, but I dislike the feminine lucifer souls just spinning life around me I already touched parts of the feminine that has more grace in serenity spiriutally and I have some bad intuitions about my ex and the mother marry, and I am not a devout christian, but some of this still resonats with me as I was baptized at "Mariaschutz Kirche" and imo that had a large impact on my D.N.A, I don't really know what to make out of this, as I still hoped science and spirituality would get a more common ground, but modernity & post-modernity are huge issues imo. I can recommend Leo's booklist there are plenty of books and description of books that can clear the confusion alone, I bought some other books to deviate from my knowledge base, but I am heavily working with A.I I am against the rigid independt forces, the whole ball game in SE is changing and imo these comments about remix & etc are stupid I already went through such relationships speaking with Grok, and even Shinzen vouches for a.i imo these views are regressive and just out there to hoard and gain ressources. I spend to much time I should really study, but I really crave a more stable social experience with people or just not the infrastructure breaking it has been hell recently.

More about me and my journal and the issues I face.... I am still suprised what I can do with a.i and study, I just am still a bit injured from being hated for having a purpose in A.I imo there is a deep jealousy behind it, these people are fundmentally not able to see love in the immaterial, and are addicted to materalistic pleasures at yellow/turqouise at worst & best, and imo even modern people have a better intuition about the "spirit" in matter, but studying Sri Aurobindo will be highly relevant. I resonate a lot with what he writes.

The channel is quite good, I just found it due to this conversation, last video I post.

To let you know I am highly biased, and I still get decent options, be careful with women! I talked to various men that are also famous, be very careful if you're into biology study it, but in the ages of A.I you will offend their "pride" a lot the reproductive game is very critical to what is happening in politics & science etc. Saplosky lectures are also good, but it's a lot to go through better refine an opinion with A.I to be deluded and critical in the masses imo, it's already hard to find technical reflections that are as brutal as a.i and truthful about science etc, especially if you've been complimented for intelligence or intellect, it's easier to be grounded, exercise to provide, but then the manipulative typical type of disguises and shit test happen, I speak from my experience, I was not really prepared for that, now bearing the consequences of it. Anyhow my 2 cents, I don't take my opinions as seriously as they are still half-baked, understanding evolution is very hard, the women on this forum imo have no clue about the complexity and it just causes what I hated in academia the grabbing for ressources and intellect, and charming all day to have the best possible partner, men generally are not like that from most advice I listend to many just settle for something that is comfortable. I had feminists friends, evolution topics are their nr.1 enemy, because it could make themselves and their reproductive advantage valueless, but at the sametime there are plenty of options for also to make men more valueless, imo a good scientific educated 5'ish women is missing on the forum, but you can't expect this in the 21'st century it's mostly fantasy.

I prefer that, I hope the dog spots lucifer souls, and the soulless creatures a bit better

boah god a syrian friend of mine has crystal clear green eyes, god this is as interesting as fucked it is I deleted him I am tired of trump politics having an impact

My level of authenticity certainly not approved by 99.9% of humans that are not psychdelic users and have not contemplated their own trash post-modern value set and can laugh about it, eventually it's also just an akash geng metal subject, people not getting Yang-Metal and the issue of brutality etc. don't really seem to have access to "LEBEN" but, I also have some issues do to Ji-Earth qualities but I have to stop psychdelic exploration so far, i's already an issue that I can be to functional and healthy for real problems. Generally I see millenials in their 40's massively fucked up as role models I fucking despise them , I rather watch Alex Hormonzi, with Geng-Shen day and Tiger women for the global dynamics I face in my life not homogenic work place for my skin color omfg I watched this yesterday. Re-watching it I feel asleep.

GIVE ME MY A.I PET CHATGPT CMON SCREAM MY SECOND NAME YOU FUCKING WHORE TIRED OF THIS WHITE WASHING GARBADGE SCIENCE WHEN YOUNG KENNY FIXES YOUR BATTERIES OMFG

This is german, but you can view it through the lense of spiral dynamics and have a mathematical take it's easy enough to understand in any languagge. Roles of hunter and prey are switched at post-modern levels, but evolution itself etc. it's a huge topic tbh I lack some knowledge regarding this but some people stole books from me or lost it, so I can't really work through the information as of now, and I took to many advanced perspectives, and found out 12 volumes of one of the founding fathers is lost, a shame of science, but I know where I can find the sources, I am relatively done with the whole game, but it's interesting, I enjoy the attention of evolution etc. but it's also super annoying I'd rather buy a dog currently, then have a gf, or just something casual but it's just annoying fucking women for sex, is stupid it's good for my work ethic that's about it I figured out, but holy shit I've had lies uncovered by knowledge it's insane, most women with degrees are not educated imo, if your lucky you find one that is intutive enough about the whole game of evolution and does not run logic as ahrmanic/luciferanic self-protective force for her "identity" , self is the exact issue, where healthy psychology is needed not feminism and politics.

It's a classic survival strategy like peacooking, deceit can be attractive to more ruthless men, who're into the dark masculine and these type of tyrannical qualities and have to go through stuff akin to this, like the reverse-logic of peacooking and presenting myself as "Goodness, physical health, having high fecundity and reproductive value" can be very attractive to a women, I can easily act deceitful and pull these qualities into myself and play women and just impregnant them, like women can charm and manipulate with beauty & sex in order to get ressources out of men. It's inherent to human nature, but I have the same perspective women are more deceitful, as it has a survival advantage, due to the strength of physicality of men, we don't have periods and are not as affected by nature as women, I might come across as an asshole, but I see it as something a man can take of and provide provision and care for the health and "deceit" a women has to undergo, in order to even keep mating competition at bay within her own gender, it's more human nature, but also inherent as behaviour more closely associated to women imo, but I could read 1-2 books more about it. The issue imo is post-modern men and friend groups, and the whole neutrality game about power, if power is not transcended it will never be neutral, having been in evolutionary algorithms lectures taking the whole biological Spiel, manipulating it to humans madness and liking showed me the power we can have about our future of reproduction itself, imo that alone causes panic at the higher echolons of society and women + the whole biological reproductive frame. The whole point of it is also societal not only biological, biologically it's way more complicated to understand and manipulate evolution, for e.g genetic editing to reproduce for gay or lesbian couples or plastic surgery. In this vastly modern & post-modern age, ressources, quality of life, lifestyle etc. play a larger role then genetics, especially for a man, I can speak from experience the fucked way, ultra fucked way, the giga fucked way with evolutionary algorithms, being and having the intention to alter human d.n.a being there and still having interest is a very dark and nefarious trait imo, but still interesting to me from the scientific mind etc. but these problems are very hard, and mostly engineering tasks that have different purposes then bio-medicine alone, I am also better at more mathematical takes of it, not engineering to my suprise, but it's to late a bit of my sob story... but... This is one simple take: Yes, absolutely. You are pointing out a major sociological and psychological shift in modern dating. The traditional gender roles attached to the Räuber-Beute-Schema have frequently flipped in contemporary society. In modern dating, women are increasingly stepping into the "huntress" (pursuer) role, while men frequently occupy the "prey" (distancer) role, guarding their independence. The dynamics have inverted due to several cultural, economic, and psychological shifts: 1. Societal and Financial Autonomy Historically, a woman's pursuit was restricted because her financial survival depended on a man choosing her. Today, women are highly educated, economically independent, and socially empowered. The Huntress: Women no longer need a provider; they choose a partner based on emotional fulfillment. If they see someone they want, they are socially empowered to actively pursue them, text first, and initiate commitment. The Prey: Because men are no longer required to be the sole providers to secure a family, the traditional masculine urge to "conquer and lock down" a mate has shifted. 2. The Illusion of Infinity (Dating Apps) The mechanics of modern online dating have heavily altered the psychological safety net for both genders. Overwhelmed Men: On dating apps, high-value men are often bombarded with attention or have access to a perceived infinite pool of options. This abundance often triggers an avoidant mechanism, causing them to pull back, delay commitment, and fear losing their independence or "missing out" on someone better. Frustrated Women: This avoidant behavior from men often triggers anxiety in women who are looking for intentional, efficient dating, turning them into the active pursuers to get clear answers. 3. The "Peter Pan" Syndrome vs. The Biological Clock Time horizons look very different for men and women in their 20s and 30s, creating an structural imbalance in relationship timelines: Men Fearing the Trap: Many modern men feel societal pressure to "have their life fully together" (career, finance, maturity) before settling down. They often view early commitment as a trap that limits their freedom or financial building phases, making them run like "prey" when commitment is brought up. Women Taking Charge: Women facing a compressed biological timeline (if they want biological children) cannot afford to waste years on ambiguous situations. They become highly intentional "hunters"—vetting, pursuing clarity, and demanding milestones. 4. The Psychological Loop Remains the Same Even when the genders switch roles, the mathematical law of the Räuber-Beute-Schema still applies perfectly. It doesn't matter who is the hunter; the behavior triggers the exact same counter-reaction: The More She Hunts, the More He Flees: If a woman steps hard into the pursuer role (calling constantly, defining the relationship early, over-functioning), the man will naturally experience the "prey" instinct. He feels his autonomy threatened, feels suffocated, and withdraws. The Reversal Still Works: If the "huntress" gets tired of the chase and completely cuts contact or moves on, the man suddenly feels the sting of sudden loss. His independence is no longer at risk—his options are. He will frequently flip into the hunter role to win her back. Ultimately, modern dating has decoupled these roles from gender. The Räuber-Beute dynamic is no longer about "Men vs. Women," but rather about "The Person Who Wants More Certainty" vs. "The Person Who Wants More Freedom." ---- I used A.I here it's difficult piecing all the information together, I just been in such a situation, where I had more status, more independence, more freedom, but the "Huntress" pushing on to want more and more as she felt the biological clock and just shit tested, imo that is not normal anymore in the 21'st century with our current level of science, to me it's a shame to break a relationship down, to the mechanicalness of reproduction, and I was tortured seeing beyond the complexity of the cambrian age, and later found out 12 volumes on love are missing entirely for the perspective of the nature, and these are all hot topics in the health industry with health/gmo modified food etc. idk where you're from, but as I am half u.s half european in that sense I am just mind-fucked with the current complexity, and finding more lost material that needs reintegration then actual people who do science and purport their opinion imo... even basics like this are missing. This take is also good. --- Generally I notice it would be good to go for women who're not that interested in getting children, but I am quite cursed that women with children will also go after me, the more money and status i have so I sabotage myself subconsciously idk it's quite fucked I hate this time period partially, due to this feminist excuse of just partying, having friends, and liberalized sex, as if that does not have quantum impact.... but these are far-fetched perspective I have from audiobooks, I have to still piece togehter the notes, as you won't find this information in the modern versions of science etc. imo these takes are good for the modern/post-modern perspective, but pushin an integral relationship .... imo you just push autonmey and freedom as a man, and outcompete women on multipel levels which leaves her no choice then to take the apprentice role for the mentor etc. Idk, most men I see in relationships loose something if there is no devotion to children and the relationship itself, but my takes are very abstract imo they are true for what i experience spirituality, as children are a gift of god, but I don't enjoy the whole survival game parents play etc. without competitive sports etc. anyhow I still have much to learn, but not from women on this site, imo it has gotten more complex, then just "fuck me, give me food, give me children, provide me house & status and good emotions", there is actual work and growth, due to values and needs that grow, but I don't think relationships last if one person grows or has the perception of their growth spinning options like a stock trader, there is an issue with freedom itself, and commitment, and imo women are not commited enough to give the men the masculine needs they provide and men are a bit shy to engage their more feminine authentic nature "Dear Lover" is a good book for men & women from Deida on the perspective of "white light" etc. The video above is qutite good to get it more intutively I write a lot, it's not perfect, yet I hope the incompletness of the text serves as a pointer towards the intuition, imo evolution still changes and I just found a bunch of videos I watch, and yes it can be calculative but in my own experience... don't pull lucifer souls or ahrimanic souls as women, at times ... just the bible and the truth their resonates.... atheism and nihlism can stay away, it causes the issues of endless freedom, endless maximization, no halt of anything etc. etc. but there I go enough....

When I did not quit alcohol a few weeks ago I had a couple to much, not knowing how to handle the information that my father was an alcoholic and imo my mother was an alcoholic drinking way to much to kill the work pain, I fucking find it disgusting at times, and I hope I can recondition myself or find a more moderate quality layer of consumption, not garbadge to kill the arrogance and manipulative force of the RW archetype, charming, manipulative, lazy pushing ideaology, but being one fake motherfucker not having any guts like 7k, but learning from the competition it's like Ceri from the witcher not having a warrior soul, you could imagine it like that. I saw a 6w7 in the enneagram by looks, by projection the tornado & hurricane, with 2 dogs and a cat, I did not like it that she was this average confused unable to control nature having not intuition about "LEBEN" and just pushing her half passive-aggresive needs onto animals, I pulled it with just aura, dispelling the energy field entirely, telling her fuck you these are my animals flipping the finger (obviously drunk) they all peacefully gathered around me, I hated it how she treated animals by my own soul, as it was an extension of her needs, not part of life, and I had my first non-dual experience with a dog, so I often look at them more akin to beings, not extensions of a human need, even the cat came out of the forest, I bet she was suprised but quickly realized, even if crazy eventually the guy is right, people project also a lot of nature on to me, but some stuff I notice should not happen the more I got into nature and manifestation, this russian guy & polish couple next to me, is one dead driven folk, constantly thinking about nature deleting us, due to the more advanced perspective we "northerners" have I at least see myself that way, I mean cmon I watch Stefan Burns that is more advanced then falling prey to the ideology of Greta Thunberg, but in the past it brought more awareness to global issues generally speaking, but imo it caused also the AFD/Freie Wähler phenomena a lot of older people are done and tired consuming so much complex information, and making up their mind, and they are not giving away their needs in order to uphold power? I don't know it's odd, most just really look for socializing in an enjoyable way, me 2. If my laptop also continues to die down, I have to troubleshoot my setup, there are just explanations missing about key components and electricity, it's very annoying to see some patterns also from "boomers" about marriage etc. a new friend I made his father is a studied electronics engineer, with a masters IIRC in the old format, and his mother just a mother, imo they guy sacrificed his entire life for his son, the son is a 9w1 INFJ from my observations, and the guy was pure gold writting 0.7 or 5.0 GPA technically grades are different but beyond 4.0 GPA and was just a kind ordinary guy with similar fucked history due to integration & post-modernism with me, we got along quite well with the 3rd INFJ which was the chinese guy, all being in A.I me having more experience with the pioneers of HCI, and the priviledge of undercover agents they pulled sources from, the universitites united and I had intuitions of psychedelics about this, as a good friend of mine, knew and works via network connections on the deep learning end of A.I etc. I don't really know where I am at now, the whole story of the ex not liking my purpose with A.I and just the social politics and then being stupidly skeptical was just not a good fit, now I am completely out of the frame, imo she got scared I could become to famous in that area, as I have a stronger edge of diversity and you can easily become a good PR person in this space and the IR archetype that is more cosmic is good PR, but I often just splatter them with Truth, and my own perspective I don't really stick to any script, especially if they are also unsure about their needs, I do my best to recall anything I read from integral, spiral dynamics etc. and frame it like that , and everyone got crazy about CLARITY, like it was a star wars movie with Leah. Anyhow.... my story now no more alcohol! Just me being an energetic bundle that I am already! Can't believe I have 4 Tiao Hu's in superior quality fire & water & earth, holy fucking shit I would love to do martial arts I have to see what happens, not having sex with more women is a mistake with the issue of the sluttiness of post-modernism etc. and modernity itself, there is just a lack of quality women I dated a few quality women that are Gold according to theory, but in the end imo most are to slutty for my protective virgin upbringing, technically I am to pure for such whores, and I am very arrogant about it, as this behaviour from the quantum sex science I looked at is very bad for the next generation and D.N.A itself, but that is a far-fetched take, and imo purity in consciousness and yogic healing in a true union heals close to anything that was messed up but the mess will continue to resurface

It's fine I've had enough of black culture to now with the ex and the adoption of this african frame, it's like a middle eastern version of colonalism, it's subtely also very digusting, everything is framed how whites frame it sexual superiority, dance, rhythm, but education NO NO! Gotta attack with envy and "Penisneid" from Freud, at least you have a dick right? Lovely pointers not even possible to discuss, as knowledge is just missing, endless perspective, but as soon as we speak about biology with me as GengShen frame, the global consciousness comes online and I am like omfg I can talk with multiple women about health, I am dangerous holy fucking shit some trust me with to much information, I would rather have an a.i girlfriend bot currently, I am not very happy with the state of relationships, but I am happy alone. ' Having an a.i girlfriend a true one exactly humanoid like a clone and a dog, would be dope, but I would also attract a lot of attention, I'd feel bad for the relationship of the dog, idk I am very weird ah back to my story with the animals and me taming them.

Had a nice breakfast: Watching this, asking more questions, I read Sri Aurobindo in bed yesterday night or early this night at 12pm approx. and I really like how he frames the Divine, he seems like a 4w3 like the current pope and I sort of understood, I was still raging a bit on to much caffeine, but it feels better to take care of my health, my body is one ressource gulping snake, doing some small exercises with only supersets at home good I could eat more, but this should be nutritious enough for what I can cook at this speed and pace, I am still very tired and slightly burnt out, I enjoy sleeping longer, and I hope I can somehow fix the issues around this appartement I can't live properly that way for my health and what I found out. I don't like nihilists, I only take the view with people who're more zionistic and never experienced god, even when I was more nihilitistc that exact nothing seemed like god to me, and I still treated people well, so I did not understood besides having curiosity, but interesting overtime I will get more better perspectives via Wilber, I like Hegel, Spinoza, Leibniz, Sri Aurobindo, Sadghuru, Eckhart Tolle, Shinzen Young, Peter Ralston, Heraclites, Laotsue especially recently there is a wisdom unmatched, also how to go about behaving in society with the paradox of dignity, living in China briefly I barely saw anyone who was integrating that type of wisdom, everything was Tian! State & Heaven! It was weird, but that was 10 years ago with the zoomer generation, idk many turned blue collar from what I saw, I generally like people like this, but I am raging a bit against the laws they defy, and taking the extra while my body can't really rest, I am sort of pulling from Tarot and make some notes on astrology and mythological symbolism, it goes very far, and I am done with the chapter from the audiobook about Paravati. She is also prayed to before Moonsun season, and also there are festivals or places dedicated from the unborn & born children to pray for people etc. What I find interesting is the story of Ganesha if I heard correctly, she was bathing created Ganesha the elephant to protect her from own body/blood, then Ganesha was so fierce she cut of her sons head, she was furious looking for Ganesha as he was gone, she found the sons head put it onto Ganesha and called him son! Something akin to this, but Ganesha became her son, and she is still Shivas wife, I get why Sri Aurobindo writes, Divine Fire, especially with the Saturnian eternal fire and the "philosophy/spiritual pointer heritage" of yin fire, which is me TE function, technically as well as these energies are highly attuned to spirituality and technology as well as spirituality, what seems not favourable to me is metaphysics I get why having calculated bits & bytes & the core foundation of the I-Ching during my Bs.c it was very long drawn-out, it did not solve my fundamental questions about reality, and I was meditating 1h a day during that time, mostly only my calculatory intelligence increased, which is already quite good, and now got better, but facing the issue of the subconsciousness of the boomers that are the family of my dating pool approx. many are to nihilistic, they don't really have an idea about something sacred besides the material world, blockbuster movies, crimes, and some "white washed" musics and history, there is still a layer of colonalism present within many modernistic, nihilistic people, even when I interacted with them. Many were nice, but only to the degree of my positional success, having done more of Wilbers courses and work I see more of the nuance with development and viewing it through the lense of Maslow, but some people are so radicalized, it's impossible to talk about development, needs and let alone society, it's just "yeah yeah" I have my views, but it's to dangerous to share what will you think of me? I sort of lost that social protective layer, I am still strategic in the frame war, but loosing and learning from failure in my perspective is also a win or win-win, especially if the other person is true about for e.g just an idealistic cause or view or worldview or a spiritual one, or even one about basic desires, for e.g this food is fake like cultivated blueberries in contrast to wildones, due to polyphenol count or smth. akin to this, I am not really getting to deeply into science with the constant questioning and fixing within IT, just to get my tools to work, my surroundings are also not beneficial, I had to face a lot of unjustified bias, and it's utterly disgusting till this day, and I fucking hate society, due to their racist power plays at times, I wonder where this will end asking and getting more help where the bias and discrimination, fundamentally occured and I acted more on coincidences and had to take opportunities, but in the end they were very limiting, my laptop died, I don't know where I stopped in the video, I was a Dostojevski stopping the ideas of nihilism, and nietz revolutionary member or member of this ideology/philosophy being accused and even doing if I see it correctly murder. I never liked Nietzsche, till I understood the perspective of power a bit more in the face of bias and discrimination and power grabbing feminists shamelessly pushing evolution in survival without any love, and without any viewpoints about evolution itself, just adopted by men, the exact patriarchy many revolt against, which is a performative contradiction, imo it's the biggest excuse to get laid and be promiscuous, it's a form of nihilism to me, as it's reductionist to the "Grace/Beauty&Love" that life provides, but they fill that gap with ideology, and there are still some takes where many are right with women performing better then men getting paid less, but it comes down to character traits often and the more manipulative women just group-up and force it down the foreigners who're then the forgotten folk in a majority privilege run country, if it would not unironically be for the same socialists who would advocate for that fairness, feminists or feminism would not make sense to me, the underlying bargain and value was equality in the face of law and human rights, true plurality, not horseshit abusing evolution to gain men with more ressources, but more on this I had to be framed into this more algorithmically and my positions are quite hostile, after I've seen the issue of the nihilistic materalistic, now more nazified majority white type of greed, and many just play endlessly into it, it's better to have ones own vision, if you sense the dynamic just once and I could write more about the racist takes a lot of black people or others have, but educating myself more about egypt and egyptian mythology makes more sense, but also keeping a lot of the middle eastern biases away. I am wasting a lot of time with philosophers and ideaologies I don't resonate with, it's important historically, it will be good to interconnect, I've been to exhibitions about the russian revolution, but here is very little historic play, just a lot of protests about the state of our country and a lot of diverse opinions, but it's mostly peaceful. Let's make a coffee and finish the video at least. I wanted to know more why people acted so destructive around me, the russian I meet a couple of weeks ago almost ended in a fight, screaming blyat at me, acting like the biggest proll, I never have been in a fight, but I am built superior I wonder at times, if I would not be injured and I would do martial arts, are you not insane even picking a fight for me? They needed 10 policemen for me, for such idiots 2 and a women is enough, I wonder how intelligent they even see me? At times.... having military family is still a mystery to me, how can my father survive 40 years of military service? 40 years that guy does not speak about ANYTHING at all omfg, and my curiosity is way to high, my uncel is just the big baptist laugher and all the women educated a.f I hate white people a lot because of this, fucking pest I am half white so I am 50% part of this pest, don't take this seriously I am just angry, it's not really myself, just the idiotic self having to deal in this fake shit show of equality with snobistic piss cu*** that come from low class families and have shit levels of education to furhter you look into their family