• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Raphael

  • Rank
    - - -
  • Birthday 03/27/1997

Personal Information

  • Location
    Sub-Saharan Africa
  • Gender

Recent Profile Visitors

9,406 profile views
  1. @soos_mite_ah You already are a cute, vulnerable, feminine girl with a beautiful smile! P-S: I'm learning how to flirt, I hope you don't mind lol.
  2. What kind of projects do you want to build? Websites? Web applications? Mobile Applications? Desktop applications?
  3. I'm healing, this is phenomenal.
  4. 18 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:15 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:12 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't currently apply as I'm taking a break) ❌ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed (did 45 minutes)
  5. Good. You are acknowledging it. It happens, everyone has backslashes. You are aware of it, you are progressing. Continue doing shadow work, it will help you. Good. You are conscious of your difficulties. You are becoming conscious that social connections are part of a happy life. You are progressing. This is true, but you had periods where you have been much more social. You already proved to yourself that you can be social in the past. Let yourself be authentic and tap into that. You have been hurt on this path. This is normal to have some anxiety considering your past experiences. You know that you can make progress here and you have goodwill. Forgive everyone who causes you harm because you also caused harm in the past. You are as equal as them, forgive them by loving them and loving yourself. You know that you actually have this natural ability within you and you know that you only have to let yourself be. You are very different now. You know that you don't only look good but that you are also extremely wise and mature for your age. It is difficult to find someone as wise and mature as you. It's good that you are aware of it. You are progressing in the right direction. Forgive your dad, let go of the conditioning and let your feelings guide you. Good. This is fine, this is normal. Clear the conditioning and the traumas and you'll naturally fix everything in this area. You are currently doing some progress by opening up here. You are being vulnerable by showing how dirty who really are. You are authentic, you are doing great. You know that what you want is authenticity. You want to be completely authentic and in touch with your feelings. You don't want to fit men's expectations of who a man should be nor fit women's expectations of who a man should be. You want to be yourself. You'll find one and you deeply know it. You know that you'll find your balance. You have all the capacity to find a healthy balance. This is inevitable, people aren't perfect and make projections all the time. Also, recognize that you had some moments in your life where you saw some uncommon people and wanted to ask them some questions. Everybody is doing this. You are not perfect, you are not a saint, you are like other people. Forgive these people, accept them, because they are exactly like you in the end. Yes, you struggled a lot, and yes you were unstable, but you made it anyway. Creating a business takes a lot of courage. You are also getting closer to release your first web application, that's a huge achievement especially considering how complex developing an app is. Yes, the fear is irrational. You have the capacity for independent survival and you know it. It's time to fly. Let go of the fear and live. Yes, this is true. A part of you is selfish, but the way that your parents educated you contributed to that. Your parent's always treated you as a kid and never took you seriously. They always wanted to do everything for you, many time they didn't let you the joy to exercise your brain. In consequence, you stopped caring about them because you weren't taken seriously. This is why you've put so much importance on independence and competencies in your life because you wanted to be taken seriously, you didn't want to be seen as an incompetent spoon-fed kid. Now you are expecting everyone to be independent and competent but this is not possible. Also notice that you yourself need others, you cannot do everything by yourself. You live in a society. You know that this idea of being independent and not caring about others went too far. You also know that you like to help. Do you remember how genuine you were when you were a kid? You genuinely wanted to help others and you know that this desire to participate and to help is still there inside you. Allow yourself to tap into that. You also have a lot of shame here, accept it, feel it, and let go. Allow yourself to fly. Good. You are conscious of it, you perfectly know that the challenges that some communities face are much more difficult than others and therefore affect their growth. Some people are just more lucky to be born in better environments. Recognize that just like them, your environment wasn't perfect. Everyone has environmental difficulties. Let's accept that and lets accept people as they are. Good. You are perfectly aware of the environmental factors behind this flawed perception and you know that you want a clean mind: White beauty standards are overly represented everywhere in movies, TV shows, ads, porn, etc. We assume that white is normal and that white looks better. As most developed countries are white majority countries, people are more liberal than in other countries. The reason why white women seem more sexually attractive is that they are much more sexualized images of white women in bikinis (or less than bikinis) compared to women of color. Countries where most women of color live are more conservative, therefore there are fewer images of women of color in bikinis. In less developed countries, survival is more difficult therefore the priority is the development of infrastructures and basic survival needs. People have more difficult living conditions, less access to quality nutrition, experiences more stress, and have less time to take care of their physical appearance. Because of that they aren't much represented around the world and the difficult living conditions affect their physical appearance. Your sister is a young woman of color and she is beautiful. You have other women of color in your family that are beautiful too. Let go of the conditioning and allow yourself to see things as they are and to see beauty in all women no matter their background.
  6. Yes. It is fine to play the social game, you can enjoy it while still being aware that it is a game. It's like playing a video game, it doesn't matter, but it is fun and enjoyable.
  7. The value for normal users is to quickly access the latest news about what they like, but it's important to not get trapped into endless scrolling. The value for influencers and organizations is to get views so that they can survive and grow.
  8. 17 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:25 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:51 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ~ No distractions until 8 PM (Doesn't currently apply as I'm taking a break) ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed
  9. @Raphael You know your strengths: Awareness: You are extremely aware. Even if you can have difficulties opening up and take time, you can see your issues and you know that you will be able to address them. This is a natural gift that you have. Intuition: Your intuition is very strong, you can determine things without getting a lot of information. You discovered meditation by yourself, you didn't know about meditation the first time that you meditated, but you intuitively discovered it. Same thing with shadow work, you have been doing it for years without knowing it. It was maybe not as powerful as if you had more knowledge, but you were already doing it. Intellect: Your mind is hyper-sophisticated. You can make a lot of connections and see the structure behind things. You know many ways of using your mind: you can focus to dissect information, you can see the big picture, you can group things, you can acknowledge when two perspectives are good but still choose the best one, you can see holons, you can be creative by taking in some information than waiting for creative insights. You know that you want to perfect your mind by continuing training it. And you know what you want to develop: Healthy masculine/feminine balance: You know that you want to get more in touch with your masculinity to achieve what you want to achieve. However, you also know that you don't want to be a neurotic result maker because the last time that you did that you almost killed yourself. You had too much raw masculine compassion in your life, you know that it doesn't work well in most cases, in most cases in create traumas and dysfunctions. You know that you want a bit more of softness, love, care, and acceptance in your life, a bit more of feminine compassion. You know that you want a proper unification of the masculine and the feminine, you want a 70% masculine / 30 % feminine balance. You know that you want to be strong and masculine while at the same time supporting yourself and loving yourself. Be masculine with a feminine touch. Embrace the strong man inside you with the supportive woman inside you. Feelings: You know that you have difficulties listening to your feelings and often don't want to admit them, but you know that your feelings say the truth. Your feelings are there to guide you, they are here to help you orient your life. Accept to listen to them. Feel more, live more.
  10. A Distrust of Authority Many people in my life didn't allow me to use my brain. I've often been in situations where an hypermasculine guy would try to show how good he was by doing things fast and shutting up everybody else. The irony with this is that this person would actually take more time than others because he wasn't listening to anyone and would make a lot of mistakes by going fast. This is how I felt many times in my life. I didn't felt taken seriously, I didn't felt listened as a kid, teenageer, and even when I was around 20 - 22... and even now by many people. I'm personally very intuitive, I like to explore things by myself, I like experiencing, I like finding what work and what doesn't work, yet I often didn't had this possibility because people expected me to shut up, listen, repeat, or some people had so much ego that they wanted to do everything for me to proove themselves. I many times screamed internally, I screamed: "Please... LET ME FUCKING DO THINGS BY MYSELF. LET ME USE MY BRAIN. DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO USE MY BRAIN OR WHAT??". Ironically, when I would do things by myself I would do things better than average + as I'm also very intuitive and creative I would discover things that no-one would ever discover because I wouldn't carefully follow instructions. Experiences like this made me highly distrustful of authorities, it made me question everything around me, it made me rebellious. Hopefully, I taught myself programming when I was 15 and this activity has been one of the activities that helped me the most in developing my brain. Programming is an incredibly cognitivetly demanding activity, probably one the most cognitively intense activity that can exists. If you want to push your mind to its limits, try programming, it will break your brain into pieces. If you never coded anything, you have no idea of the amount of complexity that there is behind one single app, even a simple note taking app or an alarm. And even if some tools these days allow to build complex applications pretty quickly, the complexity is still there, it has just been hidden behind advanced tools. In the end, nobody develop an app alone, thousands of people have contributed to any app by working on the operating system, other apps, and the material.
  11. I'm really not that smart. I'm in a period where I feel like a complete idiot... like the most idioctic that I felt in my entire life.
  12. 16 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 07:12 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:50 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ Breathwork ❌ No distractions until 8 PM ❌ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed
  13. @soos_mite_ah Thank you. I appreciate your support.
  14. Really insightful. Thank you. I was aware of that actually and had periods where I was expressing much more my vulnerabilities and my struggles. The problem that I had in my life is that most of my environments didn't allow me to do that + I felt pressure from certain individuals to just shut up.
  15. I had some suicidal thoughts two days ago. It has been a long time since the previous time. Looks like my spiritual ego didn't appreciate this awakening, he wanted to take control back, he tried to fool me, but I'm getting more aware anyway.