Judy2

@UnbornTao but i thought the idea is also that many of my current values are potentially inauthentic or toxic? like safety, comfort, and wanting to be liked/approved of? and if my child was on the line, for example, i'd gladly give up my personal safety and comfort....so do i have to think through all sorts of moral dilemmas to rank the values and get clear on my priorities? but i guess it can't hurt to think about this: there are probably still many authentic values that are already a part of my life, i just need to be more conscious when i spend time on them/when they "move" me. 😇 thank you

would you like to go?

men care about "them ho3s" to know themselves as men is the main idea. but i guess there'd be smoother ways of saying this. ways that show appreciation for both the feminine and the masculine position.

@Hojo ok:)

and with truth/consciousness/love/... it's really hard to say if these should be grouped as one value or as individual values, and if i should pick just one of them or several.

yeah, i like that:) but then i don't get why so many people interpret others' interpretations of someone else's interpretation, and what their point is in doing that.

it gets a bit wacky in Lacan's reading because there it goes that women are the phallus and men have the phallus, because women serve as the "dialectical confirmation of [masculinity]". which i guess is true, but then Butler criticises how this view still originates in a matrix based on masculine desire alone and dismisses the idea of a preexisting feminine structure. which is as much as i can parrot from my university lectures; it's not like i understand the implications or if there'd be any alternative.

in the life purpose course, i've finally arrived at the section on values assessment last week. i've tried to do some of the exercises but find that it's difficult to get clear on my values. the hardest part is probably that i am supposed to imagine what my "ideal" self would value, which is driving me more into hypothetical "should" territory where i imagine some picture book version of myself....it's hard to say if this would be the authentic me though. for example, i can't get quite clear on how much i actually value community. is it just social anxiety that's in the way, or is my desire for engaging with other people in a communal way naturally low, or something inbetween? it's also really hard to determine if a value is mildly important vs the thing everything else hinges upon for me. and i have the same issue with many other core values as well. i guess it's a bit of a catch 22 because you need to know your ideal self to know what you value, but you need to know your values to know your ideal self. and then this usually culminates in me trying to analyse myself like some omniscient narrator, rather than connecting with myself. any advice on how to gain a bit more clarity? is there any method to make this inquiry simpler, rather than drifting off into too theoretical territory?

can you write this on a sticky note/regular note, tape it on your fridge, and look at it every morning? maybe have an additional note pad at hand and every time you get an insight as to how the pursuit of the above could look like, you write it down and try to follow up on it? might make a huge difference to simply get started moving toward what it is you want. also, what stands out is the word "should". maybe inquire into where these shoulds come from and how they contrast with what it is that you WANT? saying this as someone who has a rough time knowing this myself...but i think by now i understand the value of asking this question in the first place, even if it still takes time to figure out the details.

have you read Lacan and Rivière? this reminds me of their reading of Freud. maybe i'm simply too dumb to understand any of them though

@Schizophonia nooo you're just making his insecurities worse

i thought so too lol:) i mean i wouldn't mind, but Jannes is so much cooler than James:) maybe re-think if you can wind up accepting yourself as Jannes, @Jannes. we already do:)

internship at a school for children with special educational needs - insights and conclusion this week was quite insightful. the teachers are a lot stricter than i thought they'd be, but apparently this is necessary to set a certain frame that enables relaxed and educative interactions in the first place. i noticed vast differences between the different age groups in how they handle their respective mental conditions. the first graders are a lot more erratic than the older ones. at this school, it's 85-90% training in life skills and relationship/social skills, and 5-10% teaching....with some variation. i suppose that many children can improve, be helped, and grow up to be functioning adults. many won't improve and will grow up to be adults with huge financial, social, and mental problems. some of them will grow up to have personality disorders or other ongoing issues, i estimate. it's still a valuable job, though, and it's reassuring to know that in my country, at least some kids with special needs are receiving specialised support and are taken good care of. their environments at home and at this school are probably still traumatising (because inappropriate/insufficient) in many cases, but lots of people are making quite an effort to help them deal with their unique challenges. the teachers at this school are also doing a lot besides teaching individual subjects like math, reading and writing. they are educators, practically behavioural therapists. they visit other "normal" schools to observe children, write reports, have diagnostic interviews with them, talk to parents several times a term to figure out individualised support plans, and are in touch with other governmental bodies and social services in some instances. quite interesting, and i do see the value in this field of work. if i had to work this job, i'd come to terms with it and know i'd be doing good in the world. that being said, at this point i don't feel that it's a perfect match to unite my strengths, passions, and abilities, or that it would bring about optimal fulfilment. and you probably have to be very psyched about this job in order to prevent getting burnt out.

@Never_give_up have you ever considered doing a therapy specifically for people with autism? a helpful skill that comes to mind is learning how to balance your need for independence/autonomy and your need for connection and support. everybody has both needs, but some people may have more of one than the other, so it's helpful to get to know yourself and where you fall on this spectrum. perhaps a first step would be to simply recognise if what you experience in a given situation is a need for connection and support or autonomy and independence. it would be a mistake to get rid of all support systems altogether. instead, you may want to notice what situations have you needing support more than others, recognise the patterns, and be realistic about what you can and cannot (and want to/don't want to) accomplish on your own. slowly taking more responsibility by taking small steps is also a good idea. no need to overwhelm yourself; just do one new thing at a time. you could also look up tutorials/start attending courses that teach basic life skills like cooking.

internship at my mum's school* - day 5 stressful morning due to some triggering interactions with my mum (at home and also on our way to school). when we arrived, the principal informed us that a former students' grandfather (his primary caregiver) had been found dead, potentially murdered. noting this down because it illustrates the element of gang violence/criminality/abusive environments that many of the students at this school are exposed to....so no wonder they're "being difficult". spent the day with the second graders, then the first graders. the last two lessons were quite exhausting as the kids were screaming a lot. the autistic first grader was still very cute though, and i wish i knew more about autism. after school, mum dropped me off in town to run an errand. later, i came home sobbing. my emotional instability skyrockets when i'm stressed, around family, or not eating well. unfortunately these are usually all related, so things get exponentially worse under such circumstances. i feel sorry for mum that she has to witness these abnormalities at times. trying to relax now, as this seems to be very much needed.