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  • Birthday 04/06/1993

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  1. @Heinrich Faust I agree, you made some good points. And thanks for the article.
  2. Any recommendations for a milligram scale? The ones I have are not accurate enough to weigh 70-90 mg. I was looking into this one:äzisionswaage-001-20/dp/B003KN4TD8?currency=EUR&language=en_GB However, the thing is that there are always some negative reviews of almost any scale which does not help me to choose.
  3. What an awesome journal, thanks for creating it Today I’m grateful for My noise-canceling headphones which help me focus on what’s important. Moving in with my best friend this week to a great apartment. My brother. We had a long conversation about theory and practice, the abstract and the concrete. We are very different from each other in that regard, he’s much more practical than I am. I’m grateful that he challenges me to implement more of my ideas.
  4. I used to give speeches at the university on how essential it is to always stay curious, justifying the addiction. Now, it feels right to just call it what it is, an addiction. Not to demonise it or myself, but to observe what is there. I've read books on the "scanner personality" which did not explain the core issue. So thank you for putting my situation into a meta perspective. It sounds like a beautiful mission that is awaiting me.
  5. In my experience, the more you are "not trying to run away", the more you will run away. Rather, accept that you run away, be conscious of it, and your behaviour will change. Thanks, I haven't considered hedonic adaptation as an explanation yet. Yes, I hate plateaux and I am chasing experiences after experiences. I should mention that I lived in four foreign countries and learnt their languages. Once I got the hang of it, sooner or later I got disinterested in the languages and cultures and moved to a different place. Same with study programmes at the uni, relationships, sports, or basically any area of my life. I am aware of this pattern. It is super frustrating. I put in massive amounts of energy, time and money into various stuff. I always wanted to be the best at everything and I got decent results in almost anything I did. Still, I feel like the pay off could have been massive, if I focused my attention more. I just can't help myself. I feel like a drug addict, my drug is new experiences. Forcing myself to change the behaviour won't work. I guess the only solution is to be even more aware...
  6. @Zigzag Idiot I guess that’s how my enthusiasm works as well How cool that you mention Gurdjieff in the context of the enneagram. I hold a degree in Russian and Eurasian history and I mostly studied the period when Gurdjieff lived. Gotta do some more research about him. Perhaps that’s something for a PhD It’s fascinating how seemingly unrelated topics are connected!
  7. @Zigzag Idiot @blackchair Thanks for your responses. I used to attribute my behavior to the “scanner personality”. I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes, @Zigzag Idiot . To be honest, what you mention sounds a bit far out there, but I’ll be reading more about it.
  8. @Bach I feel ya. I guess your therapist is right. People who experienced some kind of trauma early on in their life often times strongly identify with their mind and don’t feel their body. The bodily sensations, your gut feeling so to say, may guide you when deciding what you want or acting out who you are. So if you don’t feel your body and identify with your mind, you don’t have a strong opinion that you or others really feel. You are not centered or grounded in yourself or anything. You could be anything and therefore you can understand many perspectives, hence the stage yellow thinking. So within your thinking there probably still is an element of opposition to the perspectives that you encounter. The others feel this subtle energy. That’s my best guess according to my experience.
  9. I’ve experienced this phenomenon for some time now: I get involved with a new personal development method. I make progress and get results. At some point the method seem to not be working anymore, or at least a lot less effective. I know that it’s crucial to stick to your path on the way to mastery, but after a couple of months I develop an enormous resistance towards this method that it feels just right to try something ( perhaps slightly) different, some variation. This new method then works really well and I continue practicing it. Usually I don’t come back to the old method anymore. It feels like a step back. And so the cycles continue... These cycles do occur with meditation techniques and even with supplements. Some times reishi, omega 3 or curcuma feel like they work really well, but after some weeks or months I don’t feel the effect anymore. My mind/body seems to be working that way. I grow. And it would not feel right to force myself to stick with something when my whole existence is screaming that something else is better. It seems that I master by dabbling. Does anyone have similar experiences? Any advice?
  10. @lostmedstudent It may be related to the time that you were in your mother’s womb or your birth. Perhaps something happened to your mother during the pregnancy, like she was threatened. It was very insightful for me to talk with my mother about all the events surrounding my birth.
  11. The pandemic made me return to my home country and move back in with my parents which was very painful and confusing but finally provide me with the opportunity to reconnect to my family and finally face BS and take my meditation to the next level. It was the most profound transformation in my life so far.
  12. @soos_mite_ah Congratulations for your realization! I guess at some point everyone goes through this phase. Counterintuitively, once you stop being neurotic about personal development (or at least less neurotic), you may expect real growth and feel a lot happier. I’d recommend you slowly cut out all self help content that you usually watch. Im pretty sure eventually it will feel amazing like a smoker who stopped smoking. (Of course a couple of months later you may start taking in a limited amount of content.) (Honestly, my impression is that the majority of the people who regularly post on this forum practice a highly neurotic and unsustainable form of self help - which of course includes myself in some instances. It may be lots of mental masturbation, taking excessive psychedelics or cutting out all social contacts. A healthy balance really is key in personal development in my experience.)
  13. @Kuba Powiertowski Welcome to the forum
  14. @NatureB Sounds like a nice trip, although the title made me imagine that your grandmother took mushrooms as well