Illusory Self

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About Illusory Self

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  • Birthday 04/26/1996

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    London
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  1. @Leo Gura Make your own actualized app for IOS and android
  2. I am really not exactly sure how to exert the right kind of frame after sleeping with a girl to send her the message that I just want her to come over to mine to fuck and that is it. I had a girl over to mine recently, I explicitly said I am not looking for anything and honest. She saids she is looking for a good guy and I am a bad guy so to speak. So that is fine but the thing is I fear that I might have to drop her if a more attractive girl comes along. She is okay to start with for experience but I have a huge fear of upsetting other people She said that she wants to go out and have meals with me. Is that a more romantic kind of frame even though she knows I am not looking for anything. I just don't want her to catch feelings for me. What do I do when I decide that I don't want to see her anymore because a better girl has come into my life? I am not going to be making game toxic but inevitbly if I keep going out and approaching, I will start having sex with a more attractive girl. I definitely have a huge fear of hurting other peoples feelings..
  3. I managed to go out last night and got into an extremely high energy - non care free state. I didn't count the amount of approaches but probably somewhere in the 10-20 mark. The thing is I have been practicing the humour exercises and was making girls laugh. Talking for my own enjoyment and amusement instead of caring about the judgement of others. I felt really free. There was this one girl who I got a number from the smoking area but it was like I kept on doing other approaches in the smoking area to the point where she got really triggered and would not leave me alone. She came up to me and thought I was creepy going up to every girl and talking to me. I am not bothered about that. It is the fact that she went to the bouncer for ages and was determined to try and get me kicked out. The bouncer also had 3 complaints from 'other' girls about me making them feel uncomfortable. It didn't bother me to much but of course I did not really do many approaches after that as I was somewhat afraid of being reported to the bouncer and she only let me back in because I said I would only talk to my wing. It did throw me off doing approaches somewhat. Probably should of just gone to another night. I just don't get why girls would report me to the bouncer. From my POV I did not particularly do anything weird/creepy at all. I was just talking to girls, having fun and socializing.
  4. So last night I managed to pull a girl back to mine on first date. Everything went amazing, she took her top off, stroked me dick but she just kept on giving such a hard no for taking for taking her pants off. Of course I don't want to make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I did buy into her frame, I guess I just didn;t really know how to respond when she said "I am not". Couldn't think of anything. She seemed to gave that really hard no kind of energy so I just played it cool and didn't really ask her so I could see her another time. I guess she was probably afraid if she would of had sex with me I would not see her again. It's strange though, she was up for literally anything else but just would not take her jeans off. Any advice on how to deal with something like that?
  5. I am 26 and have a lot of knowledge in person development but I spent years just in endless theorizing on how to get better and I did not take any action. It is like I have this horrible feeling of looking back and almost wish I would of started taking action at 20 to improve my life. I suppose I had a lot of inner issues which made it hard. I guess I sometimes beat myself up for wasting my life up until this point, especially with all the knowledge I feel I have. Material reality does not really reflect that. How do I forgive myself for my past mistakes with really not putting any personal development theory into practice. I want to completely let go of my past..
  6. @Leo Gura Thanks man, appreciate all the work you do @Yarco I think the most challenging part will be distancing myself from my parents. I am lucky my Dad has his own business so can work for him for the time being but I really want to live my own life. Been under the influence of my parents for far to long now. I got lazy and complacent, wanting everyone to do things for me. But again living with my 93 year old grandmother who has dementia has definitely been the most challenging thing I have ever had to endure in my whole life. Really put me in a bad place mentally, so that is why I chose to move out. Just got to the point where I could not take it anymore. Was with her for 5 years. I do run into the issue of beating myself up for my past complacency sometimes and for wasting my life but again I am only 26 so I have time to fix it right. @something_else The problem was I was focusing on women and sex because I had internal struggles I had to deal with, it was a very unhealthy coping mechanism. I think right now I want to work on myself and turn myself into a high value man. I have spent years of my life chasing sex and it has gotten me nowhere, as a result I neglected my own personal development. I guess there are healthy and unhealthy ways you can go about pursuing the opposite sex. I was doing it as a distraction from my problems. I will want to develop game in the future but I think right now it is more important to sort my self out and love myself more before delving into it.
  7. I have been putting up with this for so long and I am finding it really toxic but she cannot help it. She is the kind of person to really over compensate for me. LITERALLY do anything for me and calls me million times, always texts me. It is just this very stressed out and anxious energy. I have been around for a long time and do feel like it has really hindered my progress in personal development. It is almost like she could be the reason for my huge lack of progress. I will feel a need to meet her out of an obligation and I don't want to upset her. I am just pointing out the bad parts which frustrate me. I sometimes communicate it but I think she is just very conditioned. It feels unhealthy and I want to slowly distance myself from her so I can focus on myself. I find her energy really rubs off on me in the wrong way. It makes me feel bad saying this because she loves me with all her heart, to much you could say... It is messed up because when I have been with her for as long as I can remember, in my mind I want to get away from her.. like I secretly resent my mum for being so overbearing and over suffocating towards my own well being.. It is like she crosses a million boundaries and for the longest time I just don't know how to communicate it because again she is my mum and I do love her. She has done everything for me but the current situation is really not healthy. It has been like this for a while and I really want to change it. I don't know why I don't want to be around her. When I am with her I don't feel any love or anything, almost like I want her to go away. I feel like this is not normal, I cannot get to the bottom of it. Been like this way to long.. things must change if I want to grow as a person.. Of course I want a healthy relationship with my mother but right now, I just want her to go away when I am with her. Her over compensating behavior and doing things for me my whole life has made it really hard in my own ability to do things myself. So I have a lot of work I need to do with that. Even the confidence to talk to people and communicate my wants and desires etc.. I guess she has always done everything for me to such an extreme extent. I don't know how to best communicate my boundaries to her as a man and actually making her change her behaviour without upsetting her. It feels so tricky. Whenever I bring this up to her she always deflects it and says stuff to make me look like I am in the wrong so I feel like I cannot win. I just express how I feel and it's almost like she cannot accept that and says stuff to make me look in the wrong. Like she just lives in her own bubble and feel like I can't express myself because she won't understand
  8. @something_elseI can do work for my Dad's business but obviously I would rather be independant from my family as I want to rely on them as little as possible. I guess I can do that as a starting point. @Yarco Well I should be moving in either Weds or Thurs... I did get a really bad anxiety attack today when I viewed the place, I could barely walk. This is very much out of the realm of my comfort zone. I also feel like I am being a nuisance towards my Dad as he is helping me financially with this place to begin with as I cannot afford it. I am going to do work for him to begin with but I don't want to long term. The amount of uncertainity is terrifying.. been living under my family's finances for so long.
  9. For the past 2 weeks I have been experimenting being by myself, working on myself and what I WANT in life. I have spent far to long under the influence of family and doing things to make them happy. I am viewing this property for the second time today do to measurements for it as I am moving out from living with my grandmother (26 btw). I have lived with my grandmother for the past 5 years or so, being really unhappy most of the time. My whole life my family has basically done everything for me, to the point where I have little confidence to do things by myself. My Dad has his own business so he will probably help me out financially with the new place but I want to slowly drift away from talking to my parents all the time. I find it is very toxic for me. Even though they are great people and love me, when I talk to them it is more of a sense of obligation more than anything. I have bad finances and no job, well working for my Dad somewhat but I am just so scared of living on my own, I don't know if I will be able to cope. My parents have always done everything for me.. to such an excessive amount which has impacted my ability to do anything myself. So maybe this is giving me anxiety and panic attacks soon. I need to drift away from my parents/family, it is to damn suffocating. Well, anyway of course I am terrified of moving out to live on my own. My Mum is coming to to view the property with me and all of a sudden I am starting to feel very tense within my stomach and feeling of huge anxiety is arising. It brings me back to school where I had to drop out of school due to severe panic attacks. Couldn't walk etc.. Moving into this place means I will probably even go into debt financially but I do think I will grow from it, should be moving into the place this week I don't understand why it is arising now when I am about to view this property with my Mum... maybe I am scared of the whole thing of being independant. Distancing myself from my parents feels so hard because I don't want to upset them.. but I do think this is a good first step to take I think it has gotten to the point where I have really had enough of my own unhappiness and always pleasing my parents that I know I need to change/grow I still feel like a boy inside a mans body
  10. I have been unhappy for quite a long time now and it mainly results in setting weak boundaries, when it comes with my family... almost doing things to please others at my own demise and happiness. I am getting a grip on it as of late but I am not 100% clear and certain how what types of boundaries to set with family,friends etc.. It feels complicated because I am afraid of upsetting others I feel setting boundaries with parents is such a tricky task but I notice even lately when I have not been seeing my mum as much, I have been feeling much better. Not many people around me value the same things I do, I just want to know how other people go about setting boundaries with friends, relationships, parents without upsetting them as I know it is something I need to work on
  11. @thepixelmonk I think you misunderstood. I mean when you download files from the internet, how do you organize the folders. Such as having a main folder, business folder and then you go into sub folders. Kind of looking for an organizational structure template for that, almost have a fear of misorganizing things on my computer. I am trying to become a digital minimalist where everything is so nice and clean
  12. Currently getting into organising everything on my computer into different folders etc.. just wondering how others organize there folders on desktop to keep everything nice and organized. Such as where to put the files you download and into what folders. I know there is no one size fits all but I suppose I am trying to almost find some form of template that I could model or something?
  13. What are the best therapies for working with trauma or any youtube channels anyone can recommend? I am wanting to do a lot of work on myself at home in terms of shadow work, inner healing, negative beliefs etc Interested to hear peoples recommendations
  14. @thepixelmonk I think what's worse is I don't even know what I enjoy. For way to long I would grind by only doing personal development all the time and it would always lead to burn out because I had nothing to look forward to How do you find enjoyments?
  15. Curious as to how often people schedule out 'me' time with a worry of personally developing themselves. I think this is crucial to avoid burn out and want to set it up in my calendar but I am not sure how often to do it.