Clarence

I'm not into that. I desire a relationship where the dynamic is as equal as possible (intellectually, spiritually, and sexually). I feel too much frustration when there is a significant gap. From my experience in dating, I've found that this is what I need and desire most. You can simply picture yourself, as the man you are, in a female body. The pain and discomfort that arise is what it feels like to be trans. It’s not about picturing yourself wanting to be a girl, but about picturing yourself in a girl’s body while still being yourself — a man. You’d just want to be back to normal. That’s why trans people desire to transition so badly.

@xeontor You're the one not being specific. What about you picking one of the arguments you agree with and elaborating on it — expressing your own understanding and opinion about it? You're not doing any serious work here, only asking AI and other members of the forum to do it for you.

I understand that the ideal is not necessarily one specific person. I pointed to one for each gender to offer a mental image of what it could look like or mean for me, just as you did when you mentioned an old, wise, loving, and nurturing woman for the feminine, and the ideal version of yourself for the masculine. I used the same parallel. I honestly couldn't give you a description of my own ideals right now. It would take a lot of time to articulate, and it would require a very deep understanding of the psychology, roles, and dynamics of both genders, which I currently don't have. So, I can't give you a satisfying answer at this point. Attraction is not standard for me, but I'm mostly attracted to men. Same sex relationships feel more natural for me, and sexually, I'm only attracted to male bodies. But I get along with and understand the female mind very well, so I’m somewhat attracted to females as well. The only thing is that the sexual aspect would be more challenging, as I don't feel a genuine attraction to the female body, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable in a relationship with a heterosexual dynamic. So, to keep things simple, I've only been dating men. What about you?

@Yimpa Yes, being trans is really hard. There are many ordeals we go through. I hope you've healed from this specific trauma. It might require more time, but suffering is what pushes us the most towards healing and transformation — as you also seem conscious of. Facing all those challenges and traumatic events is a part of being trans, with the aspiration of reaching a place of deeper acceptance and self-love. That is all I wish for you. If you faced abuse before your transition, it makes everything harder. This requires more specific healing, so it no longer holds you back or reignites pain. I also have trauma to work through, so I understand how difficult it can be. You are brave for sharing this.

Yup. Well, I could've easily entered any date on my profile, but it is my actual date of birth

Happy Birthday to you, Leo! Today is also my birthday, turning 29 I hope you've made some plans for a nice day. 40 is quite something… I'm happy to share my birthday with you. Alien Love to you.

@xeontor Why don't you share your own thoughts, perspective, and understanding? You're hiding behind AI. And AI doesn't guarantee truth. You still need to use your mind. Who gets to decide whether AI is correct or not? Is it AI, or is it humans?

I think our ancestors shape us in many unconscious ways, like a pathway of genetic inheritance. Elements of who we are are transmitted from them. It can be in the form of personality traits, similar fears or interests, but also important is the weight of the collective memory. But how do we determine what the source of something is? It's complex, and everything is blended together. I simply couldn't tell you how my ancestors shape me. This question is too vast and difficult to answer, and I have no easy or direct experience of them.

You're welcome. What you're sharing is very interesting as well. But I'm not sure whether I have a masculine or a feminine ideal. I actually don't fully understand how to ask myself that question. In either case, I think my ideal would be the expression of higher consciousness and intelligence, regardless of gender. It's very hard for me to envision an ideal man or woman, quite truly. But if I had to, I'd intuitively think of Emma Watson as an ideal feminine figure. As for a man, I might not have one. Though, perhaps it could be my father, the masculine figure I never knew. I was 13 when he passed and 2 when my parents separated. So, in a way, he’s an ideal for me, as I never had a conversation with him as an adult and my memories of him as a child are pretty much all forgotten. Since I don’t really know who he was, he can be my ideal for a man. As for a person without a dominant gender, I could also be my own ideal, or rather, the mental image of my most evolved, conscious, self. I've always kept Nietsche's following quote in mind since I learned it at university: Become who you are. It carries a lot of depth. All I had ever heard until then, from people around me, was Be yourself. But that assumes you already know who you are and can express it immediately. But that's not true. It's a long and ongoing process to discover oneself and to embody it, even more so when it comes to becoming the ideal, most conscious and authentic version of oneself.

That's true… I will simply focus on that. But it makes sense to be curious about it. You don't meet people who've taken 100 mg of 5-MeO every day.

I was targeting sensemaking at every layer of depth — or rather, I was targeting all possible Awakenings. I believe you must have reached deeper Awakenings trough very high doses (such as Alien Love). But it makes sense that such trips would also be harder to make sense of or remember. I'm thinking long term here for myself. I was just wondering whether to focus only on normal and high doses, or also consider slowly increasing the doses if that meant going further. I'm not in a hurry to increase, and I still have a lot of tripping to do regardless. I also understand this work is cumulative, so it was just about gaining more clarity on this specific aspect. You've basically answered my questions. I do still wonder what else you experienced on those dosages, but it might not be possible or valuable for you to share.

Of course, that's why my questions were geared towards the benefits of high dosing for sensemaking.

Not at all… I think this one had sugar in it

What you're saying makes a lot of sense, but my questions were more about how clear and valuable those trips were for you, to gain insight into their potential benefits before experimenting myself.

I will, thank you! Just waiting for more space in my life. I also wanted to ask what your thoughts are on ramping up to the 50-100+ mg range with 5-MeOs. How worth it is it? You just said that normal doses can be enough, but don't you think the higher doses brought you something the lower doses couldn't have? As you said… Alien Love. It sounds significant that it happened on extremely high doses — at least the first time. I'm wondering how valuable you think extremely high doses are for accessing higher degrees of understanding.