Clarence

No no, it was a deep, unconditional form of love I had for them, but they were already in a relationship (a first no) and only interested in women (a second no). There was just no chance of having a relationship with them. But to this day, I still feel a love I can't explain. I don't feel it that much now for the one I haven't seen for about six years, but I still feel a form of deep respect. And for the other one, my love is still pretty strong, and pure, in the sense that no matter what he does, how he is or how he acts, it doesn't change the love I have for him. I've recently stopped seeing him, but I still feel the love if I think about him. I've been loving him this way for 4.5 years. Neither of them were lust for me*. For the first one especially, I didn't even feel sexual attraction. It took me a very long time to see it as a form of romantic love. Maybe still, it wasn't romantic. He was the most beautiful man I had ever met and I just loved him for that. This happened to me more than once or twice. It's easier to love by accident, in a sense. It's much harder when dating, because there are so much plans around it and an intention right from the start. * Or… it wasn't lust in a sexual way, but lust in an emotional way, as I craved a deep emotional bond and connection with them. I wanted to know them on a very deep level, and I wished them to know me and love me the same way. Though, it was impossible, so I had to accept that. My desire now is to feel that deep, unconditional form of love with someone who will feel it too.

@soos_mite_ah Thank you for your feedback. It's really good to hear that. I thought that the usual way was to fall in love right after meeting… so I thought that it wasn't normal or usual to be in a relationship with someone you are not in love with. That's still something hard and weird for me to conceptualize, but if I'm not the only one not loving my partner straight away, I already feel better. I thought it was a light switch… because it felt like this the times I fell in love - once it pretty much happened at first sight, and the second time, less than a month after meeting. This love lasted both time for years, though they were not people I could have a relationship with. But when actually dating, I still don't know how it would happen for me, as falling in love in those cases never happened… So my approach was to think that if it wasn't happening quickly, that it would never happen. But now I can start changing my perspective and be more open to the possibility of the love coming in later.

Maybe, but at the same time, it's a constant reminder that I will hurt him if the love doesn't become reciprocal at some point… so as an anxious person, it was causing a disservice to both of us as more anxiety doesn't lead to more love. I think he lacked the capacity of seeing through my eyes and feeling how that was making me feel. But that was a first experience, so I didn't know where to stand and how to really express myself… That's completely true, though it is so so hard to put into practice… Thanks, I'm interested to try. I don't want to take any medication because I don't want potential interactions with psychedelics, but I've read that rhodiola has a short half-life, so it seems fine to try it :).

@mmKay Thank you for sharing your journey.

@manuel bon Thank you. I remember my first boyfriend who would tell me every day "I love you", and I would just smile and stay silent. He said it was ok if I didn't have the same feelings, but that was still awful to hear those words. Maybe I was not good enough at setting boundaries. It would have been better if I had asked him to stop saying that altogether, especially so early into the relationship. Indeed, but that's so hard to do if they will feel hurt and let down. But I guess I have to learn that it is an unescapable part of human relationships, something I have to get used to... Of course, it also works differently from one relationship to the next. @Buck Edwards Thanks for the good advice. It's very well expressed. Learning to listen, trust and act upon one's instinct, intuition and feelings is maybe what I'm missing the most. Though it's a very difficult skill to acquire. I've gotten into the habit of softening my speech or adapting my actions in order of not hurting others; I nearly always put other's wellbeing before mine because I've been hurt a lot my whole life and I know how bad it feels. Now I am really afraid of being the reason others suffer (when breaking up with someone who likes me, for exemple). I can see that it is not healthy, but it is extremely hard to get used to that. It plays in my mind for so long after I hurt someone. @Princess Arabia Have you tried it personally? I'd be interested to hear your experience with it if you have.

Thank your for your sharing, it's very helpful. I've been in situations where the people I was with had more feelings than I had, so I felt pressure right from the start not to hurt them and desiring to 'match' their feelings. But it's a beautiful story you share. I wish it will happen to me too at some point. It's a great exemple of giving it a chance even if the feelings don't arise quickly or if there are doubts questioning the relationship for quite some time.

I really don't think you can genuinely love someone romantically by forcing it, by "putting it there", as you say. I've tried. It doesn't work. I've never romantically loved someone out of a conscious decision. It just happens if it's meant to, whether I consciously want it or not. In the same way, I can't decide to be sexually attracted by a person if I am not. But maybe you're different. I'm not really looking for a definition of "falling in love" here. I just use this term because everyone understands it, to mean a love which is romantic and, most of the time, includes a sexual attraction.

Thank you, @Princess Arabia. Your answer is sweet to read. I feel like you're very on point too. Though I had wished that some people would have shared a similar experience to mine, not to feel like I am the only one in this situation. That's correct, I have so much fears and anxiety. It likely plays a big role in the difficulties I have in dating. But honestly, I don't seem to be able to reduce my anxiety, or I haven't found a practice or therapy so far that works for me.

@Raze Thanks for the videos. I listened to most of the first one and some of the two others, but I don't find them answering my questions.

What I'm looking forward to the most in a relationship, is the romantic connection. But how do you know when you have given it enough time for the feelings to arise? The last person I dated, I fondly liked. I loved his mind, his personality, he liked me a lot too, but I didn't fall in love and didn't feel sexually attracted. Though, I would have loved the relationship to work out. We went on dates for about two months. I'm a bit scared to date again now, because it feels uncomfortable to be in situations like this. I genuinely don't know when to put an end to dating. I don't know how to know if it is a matter of time before falling in love, or if the feelings will never come for the person. It's very tricky when you'd like it to happen, when you like the person, but it doesn't happen. And it's even worse if the person is in love already or really into you. Have you ever dealt with situations like this? I wonder how quickly you know if you will or won't fall in love, and how long it generally takes for you for such feelings to really manifest.

Ok… though it's still as hard to meet someone willing to. Or I was just unlucky so far. The only one I met who was interested didn't understand English well enough to listen to a video. Honestly, I don't know what else I can realistically expect out of a relationship. I'm not into sex so much and I'm not interested in girls either, which makes dating harder. The last person I dated said he had never been on dates with someone for so long (6 dates total) without having sex. We never had sex and stopped dating because I didn't fall in love and he was working too much. Another one, I went on 4 dates with without sex either. And we stopped dating. I need to be in love to be interested in sex with someone, but I don't fall in love that easily. So that's complex at the start of a relationship. Forcing oneself into sex is not much fun and quite uncomfortable too (I tried in my first relationships). I experience things a bit upside down compared to most people, which is why I feel a bit confused about my situation and don't know what to act on. My most successful relationship… I was in love with my (sexual friend) partner but he wasn't in love with me. So quite bad still. Very bad. But sex was good and it was fun. The secret to this working: I fell in love before manifesting interest. But to reproduce that to find a balanced relationship seems like a fantasy and doesn't make me feel like I am in control. But how much in control are we of our romantic feelings? So confusing. @Leo Gura If you have other advice, they're welcome. You may just say that I'm doomed and that I complain too much

Not just the journey, but also being in a relationship itself is distracting and time-consuming. It makes me question how worth it it is to have a partner, especially as there are pretty much no chance to meet someone with the same passion for psychedelics and Awakening. I hope I'm wrong, but so far, I've not even met a single person around me who even knew about Actualized.org or 5-MeO-DMT. So I have very little hope to meet such a person some day. They would, on top of that, need to be a good match on a relationship level to be relevant. If you can't share your deepest trips with your partner, and feel understood, and also listen to their own Awakenings… what's the point of the relationship. There is so much disappontment for me not to be able to connect on this level with a partner. That is what I desire most out of a relationship. Everything else to me seems irrelevant, but at the same time, I'd crave to share those things with someone. Am I wrong to be so defeatist… I don't know, but I don't think so. Even on the forum, it is so rare to read members who are positive on psychedelics, God-Realization and Alien Consciousness. How impossible it would be to meet such a person in my country to build a relationship with. @Leo Gura I hope you could tell me to stay positive and have hope that such a person exists. It's hard to do the search if you don't believe it will ever be possible to find what you desire. I really don't know what else I could want out of a relationship. Nothing else really matters if my partner can't understand the depth of who I am and of who they are.

@Girzo I don't care about Sadhguru.

Many people do. Some have spontaneous flashbacks, others get to know about their past lives through the Akashic Records (you can learn how to access them yourself), or through past life regression hypnosis. You can look into Michael Newton's work, who specialized in regressions in the period in between lives, but he also talks about past lives. Through this practice, people can get direct access to their past lives. I haven't done it yet, but it's something I'd like to experience. It would just require more work than average for me because my mind is particularly active. So I would need to practice calming my mind and letting go before attempting a session, or I would fail to enter the specific hypnotic state.

At this level, it is easier for me to grasp. But it is not as easy human to human. I've always felt like levels of consciousness were somewhat independent to human genetics. But now I don't know anymore. It makes a lot of sense like this. The notion of continuity of consciousness is important in the way I perceive things, more important than the finite human body. But in this sense, consciousness could be the reason for certain genetics to be the way they are in the first place, and so things would be reversed. Not genetics causing specific consciousness, but consciousness causing specific genetics, including at the human to human level. Indeed, it's a real strange-loop. [When I say consciousness here, I mean 'individual' consciousness (in absence of a better word).]