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About Swarnim

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  • Birthday 10/18/2004

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    New Delhi, India
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  1. My laptop caught a virus so I was really really worried. It was destroying everything on it when I suddenly saw the the whole screen was broken too. That's when I realized this is too nightmarish to be real. But I couldn't remember anything except the fact that this has to be a dream and I needed to wake up. So, I sit down and inquire deep into what I am feeling and realized that there is a feeling in my heart that gave away the fact that I am 100% in a dream. But that's all, that's all I could see. I couldn't for the life of me remember the waking life or wake up. I was stuck. After a few tries, I gave up and fell back into the dream. Worrying and in Anxiety. Suddenly, I open my eyes and I am in my bed. I remember thinking "I KNEW IT. I WAS IN A DREAM." Now normally this would be it with no further qualms. But I inquired a bit deeper and I realized something that has fucked me up. Remember that feeling in the heart? I STILL have it. But this one's a higher level of the one in the dream. It's clearer, but nonetheless is there. And it's not necessarily in 'my' heart or the chest, but the reality's heart. This, just gives away 100% I am in a dream. I am kind of scared, because it just broke everything. I can't remember how I thought 'Reality' existed. It's all a dream, it has to be. It can't be anything else. Other things that fucked me up after inquiring is the fact that remember how I fell back into the dream? Well that happens all the time in this dream too!. It's like a hypnosis. That's what I am in right now. And just like how I tried so hard to get out of the dream after intuiting I was in a dream and confirming it through intuition, I just couldn't get the fuck out. Just like the dream rn. After further contemplation, I see that it doesn't matter how many layers are there to this dream inception, what matters is that I see it's a dream. And that my whole persona, ego, this whole game, is built like the rest of the dream is. I tried further experiments. I was sitting down, still in awe, decided to imagine a dream. I imagined myself as falling(forever), and then decided to spawn an apple. I did it. It spawned. But then I decided to block my power. So I tried again, and it didn't spawn despite me wanting. What this 'blocking' did was create a separate EGO within the dream. It thought, it decided, not ME, the one who was dreaming. It became a separate entity. I could influence it's thoughts, spawn anything I wanted around it, but it couldn't. I was thinking through it, yet it was a separate being. I decided to spawn another entity, this time a woman. Now what I instantly noticed that both their experiences merged as one for me, however they both had no awareness of the other's experience. They both got curious and started moving towards each other while in free fall. As they got closer, almost about to touch each other, I decided to end the experiment. To do that, I dissolved them both into me again, they both died. And I cried hard because I just liberated two beings. I still feel like I am in a dream(and infact am in one, according to that feeling in reality's heart), it's not going away. The notion of 'reality' only exists and is 'opposite' of 'dreaming' when you are not aware what you are talking about when you say reality.
  2. Let's be careful to not bash anyone, guy's still doing god's work(literally) by helping out stage blue people
  3. You gotta be bullshitting me, there's no way he isn't joking.
  4. Where I sit to use my PC, the roof is made up of green fiber sheets. Those have lots of wrinkles, dirt and what not in them. So I sometimes just look up and stare at it, and I can see so many different images in it. Most simple to most complex images. Amazing. Same with a dirty floor, etc.
  5. By knowing you're only feeling it
  6. Well, first thing that came to my mind after reading your post is that you need stage red integration. Looks like someone pointed it out already. You can become less confident in your own opinions, but there is no need for you to become less assertive. It would just depend on your situation and the person you are with. If your stage red was integrated then you wouldn't feel awkward or intimidated. You would still put people in categories like "fool" and "wise" for pragmatic purposes, however there would be no hierarchy(only a recognition of what could be the hierarchy), specially when you're the wise one in the situation. You'll enjoy the stupid as much as the wise, because you are comfortable in 'not knowing'. This kind of confidence comes from clarity, not ignorance. Which is a rarity lol. Clarity cannot come from concepts, opinions, ideas about the world or whatever, it can only come from direct experience. And only thing that your direct experience holds is pure mystery. You can go ever deeper in it, relate it to various aspects, get realizations and all, bottom line is tho, it's infinite. (Basically telling you to be grounded in what is and your body, so you don't feel intimidated) This also checks out with the theme of counter-intuitiveness of life. "Clarity comes from knowing clearly, not not knowing at all, so howcome?" So basically be comfortable with right now, not knowing and what you are really. Don't identify with labels or whatever, those comes with hidden T&C Now stage red integration manifests differently in different stages, but the base is that you're comfortable. Now whatever reasoning you use for that, gets increasingly nuanced as you mature. So at one point the source of comfort/groundedness/confidence may be ignorance, then it may graduate to Order, rules and regulations, tradition, then it may graduate to science and so on. At one point the source of comfort/groundedness becomes groundlessness. So that's what I am talking about.
  7. (Just self-promoting while adding to the forum, lemme know if that's okay.) It talks about how if Kindness doesn't come naturally(due to being full with love inside) then there is no need to force it.
  8. Well only one country can't solve the problem. It has to be a global effort. But that can only really be done if there was a global government, which will take lots of time to happen. So there's only one way that we will act globally upon this, and that's when shit hits the fan. I am talking major catastrophes (specially in first world countries, because those are usually the major players globally).
  9. Bump. I need help too.
  10. Seems more like stage Green to me
  11. I would like to add some things to your contemplation on space. So basically, you're creating the feeling of space, but you're doing that at a level which is deeper than your mind(therefore it may seem beyond you, the ego). To see this, just feel into what spaciousness is. Space that your body occupies, space that you can move your hand in, etc. This spaciousness itself, this whole sensation of what space is, can be altered. It sometimes happens in meditation, for eg. Your head feels like it has enlarged literally to cosmic proportions, or that your mind has become microscopic. This is also what you do in dreams, you create an alternate space. When you enter the vibrational state just before astral projection or other practices, the space has again been altered. You can also gain control over this and actually warp and mold space. No material alterations, no warping in your visual field or anything. That all ain't space. I am talking about the sensation of space itself. So you can make so your head feels like it's where your feet is, make the sky feel like your head, make the feeling of space in a room you are in go through you and inside you, etc. But all that is only really possible when every dot of your sense of self has dissolved, which is again, another sensation of space. Another thing is that, doing all this warping and stuff comes in different degrees. At first it's very mild if you are able to do it at all, but over time and practice, it feels very very real. You can make your body feel like it is literal air, clouds etc. The point of all this warping and all is that if you are able to do these basic things then space is obviously seen as an Illusion. For me, Time is a much more tricky beast. At one hand, it's obvious that only the now exists, but on the other, you don't know how to integrate it with the existing notion and sensation of time. For space it's easy for me to bridge between the relative and absolute realizations, which is that the difference between those comes from the rigid attachments we do. We attach/stitch lots and lots of different sensations and 'perceptions' together, which makes space rigid feeling. But for time, I don't know the bridge the gap. Hope this made sense..
  12. had this once actually kept trying to see it again after a few weeks at 3 am or so when i woke up to pee. Did it every night I remembered. Nowadays when I look at the mirror, I never get the sense of "me" anymore like I used to. It's just an impersonal animal, not even a human. If I focus more, it becomes impersonality in its essence, and if I go even deeper, it becomes me, but so does everything else. and to be honest the 'devil in the mirror' only pops up if you have some unresolved area in your mind which houses this very terror/feeling/entity in its essence. You gotta deal with that. We house lots of these entities in our minds lol. Best way is to self induce a sleep paralysis state, think of the entity untill it manifests, and face it head on with love.
  13. People seem to think this is all just because you WANT to look for the numbers, while that is true in many cases, it's not with me. I didn't know at all that synchronicity was a thing and it just started happening to me. After that I unknowingly started looking for them and it got insanely frequent. Nowadays, I do not care at all about this, nor do I assign meaning to them. But they still happen(only with 1111). Sometimes it baffles me how they popup from unexpected places. Like a stock footage used in some YouTube video I am watching, some advertisement, etc. I think it is just a sign that some or many of your internal processes are aligned with each other or something.