PlayOnWords

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  1. You should look at trying EMDR therapy. I have similar symotoms to you. I'm currently on my... 15th or so, session and things are slowly improving. It's a leading treatment for PTSD. Feel free to ask me for more info, there's loads on YouTube and reddit also.
  2. In the simplest of terms, can the ferocity of Oranges powers, regarding wealth, business, and possibly manipulation, to a degree, force them to perhaps come into a Yellow way of thinking? For example: Orange is trying to make a deal, and the other party says no. It's reasonable to assume that Orange would then try and cultivate a perspective based on what the other party wants, for the benefit of making a deal. Thus, leading them into looking at a different perspective. As I'm writing this, I find myself saying; "Yes. Perhaps because, all of the stages, have within them, a "stroke" of other colours, just naturally. Give some other examples of this. Yeah, I know it's just a model.
  3. I heard a good one the other day. Someone on the spiritual path is driving a car, with an enlightened Buddha in the passenger seat. A car pulls out in front of them, almost clipping the car. The spiritual seeker takes a deep breath and contains their frustration. The Buddha leans over and honks the horn. The seeker asks, "why did you do that?". The Buddha replies, "That's what you do when someone is being an asshole."
  4. Can I do 5-MeO outside? In a massive empty field or something? I don't have a place to do it and I don't want to cause unwanted attention screaming my lungs out or something.
  5. I'm in the same boat. Stay strong, brother!
  6. @Nahm is it just a case of waiting for my body to do this naturally? I'd like to induce these releases somehow but seems as though I'm not in control of when it will happen.
  7. Thanks @Nahm. I can't say I have, but that crying session felt like a real breakthrough. As you know, in my recent trip, I was expecting a lot of stuff to come up but it was totally the opposite. A wonderful experience. Thanks for the advice regarding thinking, everyday I see a little bit more how it's basically impossible to escape rock bottom through just thinking. But it has its place, right? Like I can work on my inner dialogue, how I talk to myself and make that more positive but it's not enough on its own. Is that what you mean?
  8. Thank you, people ❤️
  9. This evening, I had a conversation with my dad. My relationship with both parents has been strenuous at the best of times. Anyway, we were texting and the conversation went something like this: D: Hey how are you? Haven't heard from you since you picked up your stuff. What do you want for your birthday? It's not far away... Me: I'm okay you? All I want is love D: All good here. Love is a two way street Me: indeed it is. Love you x D: Love you too. So what you been up to? Any news to report? My dad does not say things like this. He is hard-nosed, straight-laced and a total drill sergeant. When I got that message I couldnt help but cry. I was so overwhelmed. I haven't been able to properly cry for a few years now, but tonight, after that message, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for 45 minutes straight. I realised during this that my biggest fear is being unloved/unlovable. It's fair to say I was not shown the love I needed as a small child, from either parent. I also realised that this is why I act the way I do, why I'm so negative, why I'm always desperate for validation and love from other people. There is a deep belief in my ego that says I am unlovable and not good enough. I am relieved to have this experience and subsequently, the insight. As always, I would like to hear your advice on what to do about this, how to heal etc. Thank you.
  10. @Serotoninluv so the awareness brings the opportunity for change. Nice. Can I ask how long the process took you to fully correct this kindness drive? Or to notice a significant diminishment?
  11. @Bazooka Jesus merely a poor imitation @Serotoninluv thanks for the input and clarity. The 'kind people pleaser identity' is in fact something I am currently struggling with and have been for a good while. My question now would be: how can someone relinquish these survival mechanisms that once did have their place in order to become more authentic, genuine and free? I suppose radical acceptance and love for one's self, and maybe continously pushing the boundaries and going against one's beliefs that are clearly causing problems? It just feels so fucking wrong, I guess. The survival habits have so much weight behind them, and for good reason I guess, as it has kept me alive this long and did once have a 'somewhat' useful function.
  12. When we are coming into the world, as children, we develop survival mechanisms to ensure our basic needs are met. Food, shelter, acceptance and so on. For example: if I grow up with racist parents, at a young age I will develop a racist streak in order to fit in with my 'tribe' and not be ostracised. This happens at an instinctive level, outside the realm of awareness. Then suddenly, in adulthood, one will have this deep-rooted survival mechanism of racism, and possibly not even question it. Until... Let's say this person is on a bus, black people on every chair, except for them. This white person is the minority now. They will undoubtedly feel fear in this moment, due to the separation they have created with, in this example, a black person, which is a completely unjustified belief. This causes them suffering. Whereas if they saw black people as just another version of themselves, an expression of the same Source, why the need for fear? This may not be the most poignant of examples, but you can make your own from the same formula. Looking at our own little ego identities, we think we are this way, we're not that way, we do this, we dont do that. This literally creates ego, the conceptual self. Now, when we find ourselves in positions/thoughts/feelings that contradict this survival-driven identity, that go against the grain of the self that we have constructed and identified with out of neccesity, we suffer. Is this what is meant by total surrender? Is this actually what all of us are doing here? Unwiring all of the beliefs and judgements we think we are, only to find that we are none of them? We are just here, we are just doing what we are doing in this moment. We are all capable of wrong-doing, anger, hostility, all the things we label as 'bad'. And on the flip side, we are all capable of love, compassion and all the things we label 'good'. To deny any of them is ego, and is not authentic or true. I think I'm pretty spot on with this. It may not be the cause of all suffering but surely most? What do you guys think?
  13. Thanks guys. I can see how my post is a bit like "I'm right, she's wrong". I think it's just my frustration with the loneliness that comes with this path, as oppose to the conventional road of the typical human life.
  14. @Alfonsoo Tricky. I suggest studying female psychology and pick up. Read The Game by Neil Strauss. There's loads of PUA stuff on YouTube. Fundamentally, learn how to approach and attract women. Don't be needy with them either. If you show any sign of needyness, it's game over, in my experience. It can be a long process but it's a beautiful and wondrous journey if you are interested in psychology. Any man is capable of improving with women, if you care enough and put the effort in.
  15. My girlfriend and I are on the cusp of breaking up because we want different things. It sucks. She wants the white picket fence, the dog, children and so on. I want Truth. I can't help but think her wanting kids and marriage is her looking for salvation in some future moment, but I don't think this will actually fulfill her. Not totally or permanently. I've tried to turn her on to personal development but she's just not into it/ready. But I wonder, is having children and getting married purely ego? It all seems like attachment, false security and distraction to me. More on the marriage aspect, I guess. I can see how one would enjoy the challenges and love that comes with having children. But I do know of people who have tried to use their children as bandages for deeper wounds. What do you think? Also, advice on what I should do/how to move on welcome. She is my best friend, and I don't have many other people in my life so I feel fearful about how alone I'm going to be.