Julian gabriel

Member
  • Content count

    386
  • Joined

  • Last visited

4 Followers

About Julian gabriel

  • Rank
    - - -
  • Birthday 12/28/2002

Personal Information

  • Location
    New York
  • Gender
    Male
  1. it is understood that the beautiful sunrise is there because the eyes look at it. but it is not understood that the beautiful sunrise is beautiful as a reflection of the beauty of your own heart. it seems that I use actualized.org to invalidate my emotions, hopefully this post will be relatable to you too. when I listen to Leo's voice it is cold, love is often cold. but the heart is also often warm. the subjectivity of reality is not to be ignored as it so often it in philosophy, in these contemplations of the state of an external world, the state of the heart is ignored, hence it is not seen that the heart projects outwards these observations. the tree of life is the heart the tree of knowledge is the mind
  2. Walking into the forest from the city an owl asked who was walking from such order into such chaos. but the one who was walking did not know who they were so the owl flew deep deep into the forest to find the bear to tell them that there was one in need of an identity. the bear was sleeping but the bear could smell the one who had no identity and the smell smelled of fear so the bear stretched their legs and ran towards the new one. but the new one did not jump or scream but did only stare at the bear so the bear stopped right before the new one and sat down feeling confused about where or what or why this one was not scared. then the new one smelled fear as they gazed at the bear and the bear stared back in confusion. the new one knew the smell of fear for they themselves smelled of it. As the new one steed at the bear the bear turned into the new one and the new one turned into the bear. they danced all night long in fear of one another. Hoping not to step one foot out of line in case the other May become angered by the mistake, and when morning came the bear ate the new one but they never did know if the bear was the new one or if the new one was the bear so the new one may still be out there not knowing who they are and searching far to find an owl who will ask them who
  3. Today I saw the village homeless man in Starbucks and so I went inside and sat next to him because I was lonely and it was cold outside. he began to talk and talk and talk. I sat and listened so intently that I heard my own assumptions about his words in his words My eyes fixated on the homeless man’s face to such an extent that his face resembled the face of the guru I had been searching for. I found that I was afraid of his acceptance of me, I found that I was afraid of his vision of my face and my body and my mind and my heart. I knew he was a fraction of this warm snowy night at Starbucks, and so was I. but as he spoke and I relaxed into his words knowing he would continue to speak with the same realness no matter if I laughed at him or closed my eyes or mocked him, I found my inner peaceful youth resting for the first time in a while and it felt like magic and for an instant I felt as if I was the entire scene.
  4. @Razard86 extremely close, so ur good at this shit huh bro.
  5. Take this post more as a prayer from the collective unconscious of the forum members, rather than a scientific analysis. I miss when Leo was sharing so openly with me the passion of his psychedelic experiences, I miss how excited I became when I saw a new YouTube video about how he had reached new heights from which he could look down on me from. Perhaps I enjoy being shat on by a pretentious prick. perhaps I enjoy learning by wrestling intellectually. Perhaps I cannot stop myself from watching who Leo has become because I want to be like him. I want to portray my heart so vividly for all to see while simultaneously hovering above what their intellects will grasp. it is the small elements of Leo which resonate and stick with me the most. for example how he has become so articulate about spiritual matters but still struggles to look cool at a party. I can relate to these things. With other spiritual teachers I did not see their development as much. but with Leo I saw as he went from just another self help fake ass overly optimistic person to someone who represents furthering of the bravery which is required to come to know oneself. I fully admit that my fixation on him could be reasonably seen as unwholistic from certain angles. I fully own up to how much I want to be famous so that I can feel loved. I fully want to convey to the reader that if you don’t like me for some reason I’m fine with you criticizing me. There are a lot of stupid fearful selfish things about me. idk i enjoy writing love letters Because what else is there to do
  6. If this forum truly feels healthy holistic and beneficial to you then so be it. But to me it feels like an avoidance of personal responsibility. The endless debates and conversations regarding hypotheticals are not as developmentally significant as the shit hitting the fan. The shit hits the fan when you get off the computer and go talk to strangers or walk into the woods at night or do some drug ur scared of doing because it may drive you mad and in that madness you may find your brave heart. I understand that this criticism is ultimately a projection because all things are. But I possess an adequate intuition, therefore this post may be useful for some.
  7. Yeah yeah I know I don’t know him at all and we’re not friends or anything close to it. but I’m just watching an advanced explanation of god realization again because I just love it so much. He’s being so unique and so intelligent and so casually equal about his relation to me as I watch it. I just feel like expressing my appreciation for it so I’m writing this that’s all. Useless post super duper sorry. I guess it gets lonely being someone who knows some of this stuff and seeing someone as beautifully articulate about it who feels familiar and like they are from the same planet because they value some of the same aspects of life is deeply comforting and feels like home. so thanks Leo I love who you are on your YouTube channel and I’m humbled by your unique beauty. Thank you 🙏🏼
  8. when what feels like my intuition takes over I often second guess it and then feel slowly like it may be fear instead. what's the difference between the two?
  9. the biggest problem with meditation is that it’s boring. the lack of mental stimulation. the coolest thing about psychedelics is they are exciting, they are the opposite of boring. there’s a lot of mental stimulation. Any of you combine the two often? if so, how does that go for you? I’ve tried it, seems like the best way to raise the baseline state of consciousness would be to do this consistently.
  10. Ever since the solipsism video was taken down and Leo changed his approach to a more cautious one, he has said he is working on a more advanced course to be released behind a pay wall so that only those who are sincere in their investment will have access to it. I do not understand why there has not been more discussion and excitement surrounding this prospect because it seems like it would be the culmination and the best of Leo’s recent work. I want to stay updated when it comes to this course so maybe it would be a good idea to create some sort of place on actualized.org which directly updates people about it and how it will be available to buy, maybe just a mega-thread of some kind where we could discuss the subject.
  11. after watching the solipsism video and doing a bunch of shrooms and meditation I had a premature kundalini experience. do you guys have any information on what I could do to remove the energetic blockages in my bodymind to let the kundalini move upwards as it wants to? even though the kundalini experience happened a year ago I still feel a force within me trying to move upwards and clear my vision of assumptions. thank you.
  12. conflict turns me on but compassion and love does not, i want to change this by first developing an understanding of why conflict turns me on. by conflict i mean dominating the other sexually by choking and slapping and degrading, or having them do those things to me. i would like to be turned on by being WITH them not ABOVE or BELOW them. i started watching porn at a young age and slowly started watching more and more violent porn.
  13. @Leo Gura Thank you for responding, I look forward to the course, hope u enjoy making it.
  14. it isn’t that you need mental illness, it’s that you need internal conflict, which often manifests as mental illness but doesn’t need to.