Coming Out: Confessionals
Coming Out: ConfessionalsA FEW MORE POSITIVE CORE BELIEFS: I have had some years of working with both the Sedona Method and The Work (Byron Katie) on and off over the last approximately 8 years, so I'm very familiar with both systems. The latter method being much more simple, but it doesn't dig in as deeply as one would like it in my experience. Noting again, when it comes to affirming positive values or core beliefs, it's important to focus on the core feelings and associations of these beliefs which is where most of the real power tends to come from, and less in the superficial overlay kind of way, like this is a thought/ concept about a feeling/ belief. No. In my experience, that doesn't do very much both in terms of tangible outcome and from observing the phenomenon carefully in direct consciousness process-wise. It's better to feel it viscerally in your gut or in your heart. For this reason, the emotional association and what is emotionally invoked by certain phrases is arguably more important than the phrases themselves. It's a very personal process.
I've worked on tons of different core beliefs like this with different phrases in relation to addressing specific issues, though I'm not sure if compiling a whole library of them would be useful to anyone.
-I am strong (note: depending on your base associations, you might have to do some disentangling here. Sometimes a term is so loaded with cultural and personal emotional associations that it can be better to find an alternate term that resonates more in the right way, for example, I am powerful works better for because I used to associate strength heavily with the ability to take shit and be long-suffering and I could not disentangle it emotionally from where I was, so I simply put it down. Do you really want more of the same here?
-I am free (free is a feeling first in this context and perhaps nothing else, and not a concept or in relation to social rhetoric (here in first world, European and Anglo cultures, the idea of "freedom" is probably one of the most notoriously loaded words ever. So it does have a strong emotional charge collectively (when you say the word freedom: does it invoke a strong response in you? If so, what and why?) If so, you have a sort of emotional-cultural entanglement which dictates your associations and what they mean, often at a semi-conscious level; as in, what you/feel is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. As long as you feel a strong and clear association though, as in it means and feels what you think it means clearly (so you are not emotionally dissociated); it should work at least with getting starting with the process of unraveling.)
-I can handle reality effortlessly in all its forms. (This also works pretty well and is less abstract and distant-feeling than "I am totally responsible for my reality", which tends to skew more towards the blame/ emotional burdening side which you making a new issue for yourself.)
-I am safe enough to be... >insert emotion or expressive issue<. (e.g. I am safe enough to feel angry, hurt, afraid; in the case where you cannot express an emotion fully or allow it to flow. This is usually manifested as stifled self-expression veering on the side of unconsciousness or it may not show up in direct consciousness at all. I have some experience with reading and making emotions/ thoughts that do not come into direct consciousness, perhaps I can do something with this a bit later. I went through a period some years ago where it was important to me to say this because I grew up in a very inhospitable, suppressive, and rather authoritarian emotional environment. So there were a whole host of emotions I did to feel safe or appropriate to express.)
-I AM PURE (I would recommend this as an alternative to “I am innocent/ blameless” overall because innocence/ blame tends to be in reaction to something, and so, on a level of behavioural programming that is usually subconscious, you will need something to be blameless against, which then may either create certain situations that inconveniently and sometimes aggressively manifest in your reality for you to react against. Even if you push back in your own reality either against circumstances or your own reactions, think of reality as being preframed for you from the outset (this is the premise of changing reality through preconscious programming). “Pure” suggests that there was never any emotional issue in the first place. THAT is what you want to aim for.)
-”I create the best of all possible worlds” (as opposed to the well-known phrase coined by the philosopher/ mathematician Leibniz, “this is the best of all possible worlds”. This is a good one for hypnosis too as you frame yourself as coming from the position of intrinsic power even if your reality does not reflect that in feedback always. Which is probably won't. Every incarnate being must first reconcile with reality to accomplish anything, and who gets their way all the time anyway?)
UNIVERSAL JUDGEMENT: Here's an exercise: take every judgment and projection you make towards someone and project it back towards yourself. This is one of the most important aspects of Byron Katie's “The Work” which is called “the turnarounds”. The elements that precede it involve consciously identify circumstances and emotions essentially in order to imbed yourself in the process of identifying with them fully before you dispel them (or, making the unconscious and semiconscious conscious by digging it up).
The thing is that even if what you are projecting towards others isn't actually a direct reflection of your own self-image, it still works.
So what this helps you do is to develop a more flexible sense of judgment. You could call this something like “discernment”, but I myself don't think the term judgment has to be used in such a negative way, as this itself tends to become “judgment against judgment” which does not free you from the grips of it; it's an attitude and emotional approach thing first.
So say you feel like someone doesn't respect your boundaries. When you have a little time and space, you can work on this.
“You don't respect my boundaries”
1) I don't respect my boundaries.
2) I don't respect your boundaries.
3) You do respect my boundaries.
Then you do your best to think of three reasons why each statement might be true, coming from a perspective of emotional openendedness. (Like if you're not willing to play along, of course it's not going to work so well.) Sometimes you won't think of three examples or what you think of will really be a stretch, but the point is to stretch your perspective and to make it more expansive and accommodating while letting go of your fixation on one particular perspective/ judgment. Because let's be honest, the reason why you do this type of work in the first place is because leaving it there and watching the same patterns play out over and over doesn't feel good, and holding a grudge doesn't feel good either. It works very well for this specific thing which is reactive judgment (that is often defensive in nature) against others. Though in my experience, if you are mega hurt to the point of severe dissociation or severe heartbreak, this doesn't quite work so well. Just make yourself feel better in a more direct way because this probably won't do that for you. Often you can't let go of a major hurt because the shock hasn't worn off, and so you can't even face it fully anyway in any kind of legible conceptual way. It's just not happening like that, unfortunately.
THE REFERENCE: https://thework.com/2012/11/sharing-your-turnarounds/ (You can read about the whole process here, and also download all of the materials for free.)
Coming Out: Confessionals
Coming Out: ConfessionalsGASLIGHTING: A LIST OF CORE BELIEFS: I wrote this list up quickly because it seems like a number of people have an issue (often reoccurring) with this experience of gaslighting. Now I myself did not grow up in a hospitable environment emotionally, at all; but from my understanding of how it works just generally and from different angles, there is no way to deal with the issue of having the experience of people perpetually fragment your perception of reality without building yourself up and repairing your relationship with yourself. So don't think of it as boundary building ultimately, although it will help with that, as putting up boundaries is usually thought of in a reactive sense. You want to do this preemptively. Grab a journal and script these out, or say it aloud everyday until you actually start believing it and it becomes engrained into your reality through repetition, or practice self-hypnosis if you are able to. Don't just bring up these points in normal consciousness as a reaction to some perceived threat (whether, past, future, real or projected), but it's something that you should invoke strongly in an emotional way in your core. Just because. There is a sense of core power that perhaps we could all benefit from building up. (WHY you do things matters, truly.) That you do it everyday is very important; you don't become negatively conditioned overnight, so changing, while it may actually be much quicker than it took to learn negative habits; it still takes time and energy.
Also: you can have a decent or pretty good relationship with truth, clarity, etc., and maybe you could still use affirmation. You know? (Particularly if your psychoemotional functioning isn't really naturally building you up more.)
-I see clearly. I see and feel the truth clearly. I see the whole picture.
-I distinguish between truth and nontruth effortlessly. (It's important to feel this and that it matters in good spirit, so genuinely.)
-I sense people's true intentions effortlessly.
-I can protect myself. (In relation to this: I am worth protecting.)
-I have a fundamental sense of power and significance. I matter.
-I know who I am and what matters to me.
-I can be seen, heard, felt, understood properly. (we mostly all have this and THIS is why we get into pointless arguments a lot of the time, when emotions get involved. Affirm this preemptively.)
-I have the space to be seen/ felt/ supported in my negativity. (Alternatively: I have the space/ right to feel negative emotions. (If this is an issue.)) (If you feel generous: others also have the space to be at the same time that I do. This is a good example of developing an interdependence rather than an "independent (or exclusionary) mindset.)
-I am sane, stable, grounded. I am open and receptive. (And neither of these traits are in contradiction with each other. A really important point is to not define positive qualities against each other.)
-I can trust myself fundamentally. I am worthy/ deserving of being trusted. (Two sides of the same coin.)
-I matter. My perspective matters. My feelings matter. (In my own experience, for when I don't feel anything; sometimes I get a bit aggressive and have written things like I FUCKING MATTER over and over again. The point is to FEEL something and to identify with it where you previously don't at all. That's where mostly all the power comes from. If it feels like empty words, how effective is it in comparison, even if it does have some power especially by the habit of repeating the thought over and over again?)
-I can handle doubt, fear, anxiety, etc. I can handle contradiction, disagreement, social friction, conflict, etc. (Pick whatever feels most relevant to you emotionally/ intuitively.)
-I don't need people to approve or agree with me to matter. (I don't need people to approve/ agree with me to see the truth.)
-I am totally responsible for myself, my reality, my feelings, perception, and also the results of these. (Skip this one if it's too abstract, perhaps. But since “responsibility” is often tangled up with the notion of “blame”, see the one just underneath; it's quite important:)
-I don't blame myself for bad things that happen to me. (So a lot of negativity is caused in direct reaction to this often at an unconscious level, as in, you lash out at someone who you feel is blaming you (they may or may not, but the point is repairing your relationship with yourself first because it's more important than whatever else anyone else is doing ultimately.) I deserve to be good, happy, to feel free, etc. I am not to blame for bad things that have happened in my life, my childhood, etc. (it's important to feel this on an emotional level especially if you DO tend to blame yourself a lot.)
-I repel people who do not have my best interests in mind or heart (if you are so inclined, but if you are open (as in, nonresistant) enough and your core beliefs and sense of self is strong enough, you will actually naturally repel this anyway. At least in theory; reality sometimes has some kinks to work out.)
Objective Personalityhttps://www.objectivepersonality.com/ = their website
https://www.youtube.com/user/DaveSuperPowers = their YouTube channel
Basically, they're trying to really track personality types (based off Myers-Briggs with some additions) with the scientific method. they've been doing it for 10 years and have typed up to 2500 people with their system with 90% accuracy (accuracy meaning that, out of the 512 subtypes they discovered below the Myers-Briggs 16, when they both type a person separately, they get the same type 90% of the time).
You can get typed by them, but you have to subscribe to their website which is $20 a month for two months and start to learn their stuff more in-depth.
They're pretty funny as well.
But ya, highly recommend if you find the whole personality typing community being a bit ungrounded and "woo".
Going through the spiral
Going through the spiralAbout Selfishness
Everyone is selfish in its own way, it means that: a homeless person is selfish, a rich entrepreneur is selfish, a climate activist is selfish, a scientist is selfish, a gardener is selfish, enlightened masters are selfish, Leo is selfish, I am selfish, you are selfish, etc.
They are different degrees to selfishness, the scale is from low conscious to high conscious:
Low conscious selfishness: the self as an individual human being, the most selfish individuals can become agressives High conscious selfishness: this is when someone realizes that he/she is the only thing that exists and perceive everything as himself/herself and therefore only care about himself/herself but in an universal way
Anyone been through Yale's happiness course?
Anyone been through Yale's happiness course?Yale has a popular course on coursera called "the science of well-being" : https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being?action=enroll&authMode=signup&authType=facebook
wanted to know people's thoughts on it
Discrepancy in systemic racism argument
Discrepancy in systemic racism argumentI just realized; conscious politics is also including the removal of collective karma.