Cykaaaa

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About Cykaaaa

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  1. Gosh. So much has happened. I've had another awakening. Long story short... I am Love. I was shown that Reality is Infinite Intelligence. I was clearly shown that all of this is a dream. I was shown Leo is a part of my imagination. I wanted to die, let go and become one with God. But instead of dying, I was "reborn". I am not going to die. (I'm still confused about death, but I feel like I received another piece of the puzzle). I am Love. I am Goodness. I am the Will to live. I am God. I was putting so much expectation on myself. I wasn't treating myself with the love I deserve. I wasn't appreciating myself nearly enough - I am so, so beautiful. How could I not see this. I realized that I want to express myself more freely (and I had to realize what this means for me) and I want to be more honest with people. I want to be more SINCERE. God gave me the strength to live more freely and I'm so thankful... I called my sister and finally told her how much I love her. I spoke from the heart. I cried. She understood (I think). I have many more things to say to people close to me. I will finally be honest. One of the best questions you can ask yourself is: What am I about? I realized that I am primarily about GOODNESS. It has always been the most inspiring thing to me - acts of goodness. I always felt a "tingle" inside me when I did something good. Another great question is: What do I want to express? Again, I want to express GOODNESS. I want to express GOODNESS. I want to express LOVE. I want to express WISDOM. I want to express BLISS. I want to express APPRECIATION. I want to express RESPONSIBILITY. I want to express CURIOSITY. I want to express SINCERITY. I want to express DISCIPLINE. I want to express HUMILITY. This is what I am about. I want my life to be an expression of these things. I am freer than ever. I want to be honest with the world. I want to express my goodness, love. I want to BE GOODNESS, LOVE. I want so many things To be a light for others. A good model. Supportive, joyful, appreciative, responsible, etc..... I want to dance more, I want to smile more, I want to laugh more, I want to LOVEEEEEEEE. And so much more - I have a long list. I have never felt so happy and inspired. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I will be leaving this account because I don't like my username. Lol, what was I thinking when I named myself that. This is most likely the end of this journal. Hah. It's been fun. I'll be starting a new one with my new account. From now on I'll be posting under the name Sincerity. Love one another ❤️
  2. All I will say to that is: thoughts. If you were conscious of the things you are saying, you would be. You're lost in thoughts.
  3. Are you? Dude. I've been reading your posts for a while and from what I see, your understanding is mostly conceptual. It's not hard to see. Don't preach what you don't know. Don't bullshit yourself. You are potentially misguiding others and most of all yourself. Your intellectual insights =/= direct consciousness. You are building a mental house of cards, not going for the Source. Maybe muster up some humility and admit that you don't really know and that your intellectual insights are not IT. I'll mention that of course I am not some arbiter of truth too and I am quite literally a fool.
  4. Lol, no you don't "got it" bro. Maybe someday
  5. Idk if you thought this through, but posting a video from your balcony (the thunderstorm) wasn't the best idea. There are crazy people out there (like these sending you death threats) that can now find where you live if they want it hard enough. I know how I would do it (obviously won't).
  6. I've spent much time with my sister in the last days. On Monday we went to the cinema together. We watched Everything Everywhere All at Once. She didn't really understand the plot, but I hope she still had a good time. The movie is very creative and funny, I really wanted to show her. When we were going back by bus in the late evening, she laid her head on my shoulder and we just sat like this. I felt her love... and I will cherish this memory. Yesterday we watched some Netflix together. We weren't sure what to watch, so we just chilled and watched whatever. All nice. Today we played badminton and it was so much fun. We had a really good time. We talked a lot, she is wise for her age. We laughed, looked at the clouds, played the game well. Then we returned and watched some Netflix again. She enjoyed it. I wish I could tell her that if it wasn't for her, I was almost willing to give myself up (for context, read my latest trip report if you want). Well, I don't know if I'd "really" die. It felt like it, but I sense something is off and I may be deluding myself. Might be my mind playing a trick on me, wanting to survive... But nevermind that. I just wish I could tell her. I wish she knew how much she means to me. But she wouldn't understand why I was "dying", why her brother is taking psychedelics... she's too young to understand. I wish I can tell her someday. I swear, every time I think about it tears just start pouring from me. I just wish she understood... I wish ANYONE fucking understood. ANYONE I care about. Why can't I tell this to anyone. Why is everyone so fucking stupid. I'm so lonely with this. So lonely and so weak. And empty. Yesterday I had what I think was a panic attack while showering (can't be sure, never had contact with that). I suddenly got very dizzy and started breathing very heavily and thoughts about my encounter with death from a week before hit me again. First time I had something like this. Also I went for a walk yesterday and suddenly just broke down crying. Awesome possum. Everything is overwhelming me... ... ...But I'm moving forward. In a sense, I could say I'm more passionate about my life than ever. I'm half empty husk, half freer and more joyful than ever before lol. I'm cutting down on distractions and making necessary sacrifices. I wouldn't have enough strength to do that before the trip. I am learning Python every day. I am striving to do what makes me feel joy every day - like working on my Garden of Wisdom in Obsidian. Seriously, I could do that for fucking hours and it brings me so much happiness. I am doing a quick workout every day after waking up. Working on my morning routine. I'm going to dance classes again on Friday and Saturday and I can't wait for that. I'm trying to be good. I'm praying every day - this practice has brought me closer to God more than any other. I'm praying for strength to work for an amazing life, to LOVE fully, to do what makes me joyful without inhibitions, to be willing to surrender myself and let go of the desire to be separate... I'm praying to be ONE WITH GOD, to have courage to let go of this idiocy... Someday, I WILL be free. I WILL let go of this clinging and I WILL AGAIN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE CLARITY: I AM GOD. Maybe for good, someday...
  7. Nice posts, all! Hope u reconnected a bit with your childhood memories. Haha, I'm not surprised he has! Hahaha. In my language it means "rabbit, I will show you". Wow. That's great! If I had kids, I'd really want them to watch cartoons like these, with nuggets of wisdom in them. Although I probably couldn't force it on them (and shouldn't, for that matter).
  8. LOL. Thank you and stay tuned I have much more to share
  9. For contrast: a few weeks ago I learned that my old female schoolmate has a sticker "Honk if your dick is small" and it was one of the funniest things I heard that month. It ain't the heights of comedy but you know... it's a perfect troll, right
  10. Lol, I discovered this song just 2 weeks ago and listened to it a bunch of times. Much wisdom in it. The line "What's real can't die" really stuck with me
  11. To be precise, he said "I am Perfect" (Upper case P), so he's probably just affirming his Godhood. Can't evaluate much with this. In what state he's in, whether he's safe and all. @Leo Gura, please be safe. We're worried about you. Don't do things you may regret.
  12. Watched it again with my sister today. A work of art : )
  13. Isn't this the idea of physical death? I feel like we're walking around in circles haha. Idk if he said that.
  14. I understand Okay. That's what I interpret as "Is physical death real?". "Death of the form", even though You're Eternal. I'm eager to answer this same thing.