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About creator20

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  1. I'll just be blunt, whenever my significant other, mom, dad, etc... doesn't text me back in an average amount of time or has their phone off (Which is unusual), I automatically think that they're dead. I will truly sit & work myself up over the thought of them possibly having have gotten into a car accident or dying somehow & no matter how mindful I try to be, there's always that intrusive thought trying to come in that someone close to me has died even when I have no evidence to support this other than no text back or a non-delivered text message. I know why this happens to me. In the past, my significant other called me drunk in distress telling me that he felt like he was going to die & that he couldn't breathe screaming for help on the phone while he was on vacation, and then all of a sudden his phone died & I was anxious for his wellbeing all throughout the night. I tried to text him 100 times, but none of the texts delivered. I was in a panicky state until I got a call from one of his friends hours later telling me that he was ok. Ever since that incident, I have had these anxious intrusive thoughts whenever someone I care about does not respond to me in a timely manner or when my messages don't deliver. I know logically that the thoughts are catastrophic & unlikely to be true- But this doesn't translate emotionally for me. I still get very worked up & if I manage to calm myself down I'm still left with a very uncomfortable & mildly anxious feeling until I do get that text back. If anyone has experienced this same thing any insights/coping mechanisms/advice would be appreciated
  2. I've been in a pretty solid relationship since I was 15 (19 now) so I haven't had much of a chance to reject men. However, I do have compassion and empathy for someone who has the confidence to put themselves out there in a well mannered fashion who ends up getting rejected. I'm well aware women can have a very cruel demeanor toward men. However, in many cases, I'm also aware that this is likely due to a myriad of bad/traumatizing experiences that they have had with men in past scenarios. A lot of women have become very cynical toward men approaching them because oftentimes when men approach women they do not make much of an effort to disguise their true intentions. Women can easily detect ulterior motives, a lot of them take offense to a man approaching them in ways they deem to be awkward, bothersome, or inappropriate, thus, they have very little sympathy. I also have empathy for incels. However, I can also empathize with people's ostracization of them. I think a lot of 'feminists' (& not even feminists just society in general) feels the need to ostracize incels because of the press they get. Whenever someone hears or sees something said or written by an incel it's more likely than not going to be some extremely radical post about how 'foids' should be allowed to be raped or killed or something along those lines. It's not easy for the average individual, especially a woman, to empathize with a group that degrades their very existence. The moderate incels get washed away by the extremists.
  3. I have had some friends with horrible abusive upbringings who sought out help & are in a much better place in their lives now. Since reality is largely based on one’s own perception of it, I just don’t know how you could say with this much confidence that you are forever a victim & that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that ever in your life & also that this is an ‘objective fact.’ I can see that you have self awareness, I can assume by what you said & how you said it that you’ve been through some bad shit, but I can not bring myself to agree with you that you’re just fucked forever because of your past. And to your point about handicapped people being victimized: I have associated with a few mentally handicapped people in my life, family friends, & these people did not strike me as miserable people. They have obstacles for sure, but the ones I have associated with were charming & happy people. I don’t think you can make the assumption that solely because these people are not what one would consider normally functioning that they are doomed to hate themselves & their lives forever. These people may appear to be 'victims' by your definition of it, but not every mentally handicapped person carries out their life in a depressive victimized way.
  4. I have looked deeply into the incel community because their worldview fascinates me in a way. When I first got into reading about it, as a woman it was kind of irking to read all the posts about how women should be subject to rape or torture & how they are a sub-human species but once I started reading some of the more moderate viewpoints relating to their constant rejections & low self esteem, I actually started to empathize a bit with some of the incels. It made me wonder if some people really are damned because of their physical appearance when it comes to attracting a partner or if it's just a lack of effort to improve one's appearance. I know a lot of incels hold themselves back with their own victim mentality, negative self image, & radical views on women & society, but in the case where someone is (by Western societal standards) physically unappealing due to some facial flaw or bodily abnormality, what would be a good solution for this? Do you think it's the case that some people will just never be able to find a partner due to the flaws in their appearance or do you think that there always someone for everyone? Just want to broaden my perspective on this.
  5. When I think of what some would refer to as 'a real man,' I think of a man who is emotionally mature, who knows how to stand up for himself & knows how to be confrontational without resorting to outbursts of anger, someone who is strategic & level-headed with an ability to lead, someone with charisma, & someone who is secure in their sexuality. Those are just a few things that come to my mind. My idea of a 'real man' is a man who does not have to resort to physical violence with another person unless absolutely necessary. Also I imagine a 'real man' having enough confidence to pursue a woman & to not be downtrodden in the scenario that his pursuit fails.
  6. Let it go appears to be the top answer- However, I know that's not always easy to just do. If I was in your situation I would gain a lot of insight on your friend's behavior & then sit them down & try to explain to them that you are concerned for their psychological wellbeing with the way that they've been treating you & others. If you have this conversation from a place of genuine compassion & concern then maybe it will spark a change & bring some self awareness to your friend. If this doesn't work, then you will eventually have to distance yourself from the toxicity.
  7. I wouldn't emotionally distance myself from my parents solely because they are at a different stage. Perhaps instead of full on telling them that you have completely different views & that you no longer value their religious ideologies, you could tune them in to some of the insights you have & see how well they respond?? If they don't respond well, then you'll just have to bite the bullet & live your life authentically. Have compassion for them & love them where they are at.
  8. A difficult thing for me was diving head first into self development work while everyone else in my life stayed the same. As I began to develop myself more I felt very alienated from the people in my life- Like I could not relate to them the same way I used to be able to. But ultimately it has been rewarding because 1. I don't feel a need to have many friends in my life because I am happy with my own company & 2. Because I have attracted more conscious people into my life.
  9. I'm not going to deny that my post lacks context but the reason it does is because I'm not able to recall precisely how I was gripping the steering wheel 5 months ago, what song was playing on the radio, whether or not the car was clean, & the myriad of minute details that would make a rather miniscule difference conversationally. I'm stating the scenario as I perceived the scenario. I know it seems ludicrous that a man would randomly say some of these things to me & that one would come to the conclusion that I MUST have done something equally as ludicrous to provoke it, but from my perspective on the situation, I know that I'm not someone who conversationally stirs the pot for absolutely no reason. I'm not the type to intentionally try to provoke someone's insecurities & competitive nature with my personae. Which has lead me to believe that my exhibition of more 'masculine' traits provokes the men in my life to the point where they feel a need to try & have these conversations with me in an undermining tone. My meta-justification is based on me living in the United States where we are not (for the most part) in a constant physical life or death situation where underminingly bringing up the conversation of who is more capable of surviving a threat is irrelevant other than to try & peg superiority. I have no issue with fact-based discussions not because of my 'logical' mind, but because they tend to be more productive & level headed conversations that are not defensive emotional outbursts about which sex is more superior based on one's own bias & insecurity toward their own sex. I agree with your last point. After some reflection I'm not sure if this is so much my problem; It might be more of a problem other people have with how I present myself as a woman.
  10. I would but I'm 19 so I'm not sure if I'd have too much in common with them lol
  11. Just to clarify, I choose the word "degrade" because I have been told verbatim that "You are the reason that men hate women" & comments similar to that back when I was more in tune (Maybe a little too in tune) with my feminine side. But you're right. It's just hard to determine whether I am in a good balance or not because I have a lot of masculine traits that I exhibit although I don't really consider them to be inherently 'masculine'- The men around me do so it throws me off as to how they expect me to act, conversate, live my life. As for appearance, I look very feminine. I work out a lot, I'm shapely, I wear makeup, I dress feminine. I suppose it's just my mindset & the way I approach things that throw them off.
  12. It's always been a difficult balance between masculinity & femininity in my life. When I was more overtly feminine, I would get disrespected by men & told that I'm too clingy & too emotional. As a result of this, I switched toward portraying a more masculine personae. I became emotionally detached, more logical conversationally, more extroverted, etc... & this has backfired on me as well because now instead of getting degraded for being too feminine, now I just get degraded for not being feminine enough. It's like I'm not even seen as a woman anymore. I'm a conversational threat. I'm a competition. It's like I'm the bad guy for being too feminine & now I'm the bad guy for being too masculine. I just can't seem to effectively strike this balance between being seen as a desirable feminine woman, but independent, ambitious, & strong minded at the same time.
  13. I can understand that, but it's just odd to me that this I'm even put on this same playing field. I don't want to be seen as competition or a threat to my significant other or to other men in my life just for operating in life how I prefer to operate. I am partly to blame for this because I don't display a lot of overt femininity in my daily interactions/actions, but when I try to force what these men view as appropriate femininity I feel as if I'm being inauthentic to myself.
  14. Agreed. I don't mind an actual productive conversation on how men tend to be more adept at certain things than women are or vice versa. But the men I'm in contact with aren't seeking to have any productive discussion imo. The discussion just derails into how they are objectively the more superior sex & they get wildly defensive about it. Also to be quite honest as a woman it's an awkward thing to have to hear a man always assert to me how much more superior he is or hypothetically would be at the things I'm doing. It puts me in a weird place of feeling the need to defend my sex & the capabilities of women, but at the same time I also realize that there is no point in conversing because they are only bringing up their superiority as a coping mechanism because they truly feel inadequate. If it was an 'objective fact' to these men that they were "objectively superior to women" I feel like it wouldn't even be a discussion. I mean people don't sit around all day & debate facts like "The grass is green." So if these men truly felt as if their superiority was fact based, why do they feel a need to even debate it with me?
  15. (So first off just to address the direction this forum has gone in; The forum has went into the direction of "Men are on average physically stronger than women" and I'm not trying to debate obvious biological occurrences that men on average tend to be physically stronger and larger in size than women (Although of course there are edge cases where this is not always true). I'm also not denying that in some facets of life men tend to be more adept to do certain things than women are & vice versa. I acknowledge both sexes have inherent strengths & weaknesses.) People trying to give fact based arguments about how men are more superior at X, Y, Z as opposed to women doesn't interest me. What I wanted to get to the bottom of in this post is why men (Not all men, but at least the one's I've experienced) feel the need to assert some sort of dominance over women on a consistent basis. I'm aware this might just be an occurrence that I'm dealing with personally that isn't that common among other people, but nonetheless I have experienced this & I know many of my other female friends have experienced random undermining by men for seemingly no apparent reason. It's difficult to explain the context in which these things happen to me because there is no one specific occurrence I'm speaking about due to the frequency in which it happens. But to name one specific context I was speaking to a male friend talking about how I wanted to become a manager at work and the conversation went immediately to, "Women can't be managers. Have you ever had a woman manager? Women are too emotional to handle positions of power. Men are superior at those things." Another occurrence, (Which I did not explain well in the OP), was when I was driving my guy friend to his friend's house & he felt the need to assert to me that men were better drivers than women. We went into this entire discussion about how men were 'objectively' superior to women in terms of driving & survival in general. But I just did not see how this was a relevant conversation. In a society where we aren't facing too many physical threats all the time, why are we fixated on men having better survival skills than women & feeling the need to bring that up in an undermining way to try & establish our own superiority over someone else? My issue is not people wanting to have an unbiased fact based discussion on which ways men perform better than women & women better than men & vice versa, but the men who have these conversations with me aren't seeking to have a productive conversation about psychological/biological differences between the sexes. It seems as if the men in my life are always trying to assert their superiority over me in order to undermine me. This could be due to my personality type as I've always been a logical, rational, quick-witted, what some might say 'male-minded' with the way I go about things. I embody a lot of masculine traits & I think this is rubbing the men in my life the wrong way to the point where the men in my life see me as a threat or a competition rather than a womanly counterpart or fundamentally different in nature for lack of better wording. I'm being put on the same competitive playing field as the men in my life for whatever reason & I wanted to understand more about why/how to rectify this.