modmyth

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  1. A Note about the Nature of Causality: There are many worthwhile things to do in a state of relative stasis/ suspension/ slowing down. Obviously. But if the form doesn't meet the intended function (and in a way, there is a disjunction in the actual intention you project due to misperception/ unclarity or else you're see it preemptively), then more of the same isn't going to make it happen. Not tomorrow or 20 years from now. Not directly anyway. The nature of perception must shift legibly, as well as the focus. The nature of intending in both unified will with yourself, and in focus and with force. It must change.
  2. Just make sure that the intended purpose matches the action which matches the function. Intended purpose - action -------> if you know enough about both intention and you observe enough of the action clearly and in good consciousness, you really should be able to see how it will turn out. In a relatively absolute sense. If you lack unaccounted for factors, less so. They call this "future seeing". I'm not that superstitious about it all.
  3. "METACOGNITION": I tend to to think of dance, music, and orgasmic energy as the basis of high energy experiences, not sitting still with oneself and certainly not observational types of meditation, or stilling or silencing ones mind. In my own experience, I have found it easier to create and amplify energy in this way, through movement and proper focus. It could potentially be the start of something (relative stillness), but why would it necessarily be the case, and why would it be very efficient either? Maybe the nature of it tends to be like taking a toothpick to an ice wall, the toothpick being a relative lack of energy/movement (and I tend to consider the absence of time factoring into this, i.e. movement also doesn't actually exist on a larger scale; it's just absolute energy). There may not be enough absolute energy well directed for the intended cause. In sitting meditation, the will easily gets stagnant. It is the general nature of stilling yourself (with a modern psyche and/ or reasonable amounts of OS), oftentimes. It's your job to make it not so, or to at facilitate it somehow. Sometimes you still yourself and the true universe opens up... but then you may ask yourself what beliefs you have about "God" doing things for you spontaneously (as some sort of separate, fully or partially unknown force, at if not so, at the very least UNACCOUNTED FOR). (And in a bigger way, you might ask yourself... where did you lose or misplace your own intention, if you are not aware of it, if the experience strikes you by surprise?) Sometimes when you're meditating in "normal consciousness" your mind is a small container of tepid water and you're just sitting in it. Of course not that much is going to happen unless you change your intention or the mode of your perception in the right way. It must facilitate an opening. But it's not going to turn in an ocean of love or a boundless dancing void just by you sitting there. Perfectly intended intentions easily become tepid in the wrong environment too (by this, I mean the environment of your own psyche). You may ask yourself about the potential in the force and direction of said intention, and also what blocks it as it is. ... If you saw both the mirror reflection of your intention/ state of mind as if completely from the outside or completely unidentified, truly, or the opposite side of your intention/state of mind, what would it look like? (For lack of a better way to explain it.)
  4. -THE- GAME IDEA/ THE SPIRIT OF CREATIVITY: I have THE game premise now. I told J that this is it, that I just know. And I've been considering this for almost a decade at this point. I talked to him about the premise; he gets it. It maps itself in skeletal, visual clarity and the soul and feel of it is just there. It's not a conscious process of adding more to the heart of it for where it lacks fundamentally, although I can add to it. The essential spirit is there... so I'm not looking for the heart or point of it by making it or hashing it out through brainstorming and trial and error in that sense. It will be very obvious what does or doesn't fit from the outset. I see it all in my mind's eye in great clarity. And I understand WHY I should do it, as in, it's an emotional thing for me. It touches on perhaps the most emotional and long lasting theme of my life in a personal way. That is the motive. In a strange sense, you create the sense of clarity of the thing you never had. (I don't want to talk much about the details, just on my feelings about it all, so it's going to be left very ambiguous here.) It seems to have presented itself almost as if by an exhaustive process of elimination over the years, as well as a relative sense of nonattachment? I don't feel like I HAVE to make a game. But I do need to make the right one, if I do. So, it's often said that you shouldn't wait for inspiration and clarity or you'll never get anything done. I think that's true; in my experience, I tend to have a dual strategy. One is based on habit and putting in the sheer conscious time and effort, you might say also that it's more of a left-brained or analytical approach too and involves less of the more unpredictable, less easily accounted for aspects such as “inspiration”. An important aspect of this side alone is that it gives the space by creating a proper foundation for inspiration to land, if needed (any preemptive work, which can involve going through the trial and error process of figuring out what you actually want and what feels true if you lack clarity to start with). Or alternatively, it does the heavy lifting in this case when it comes to DETAILS, and not when it comes to spontaneous soul and vision as it arises naturally from desire. My issue though is that I've sat on a number of "good ideas" over the years, and it just hasn't been enough. Why this good idea over another good idea”? I need something more to move me and to drive me for a long period of time and to commit to it properly beyond “hm, this is pretty interesting, I wonder how it will turn out, and/or I compulsively need to make something to be seen for its own sake”, and I don't want or need for there to be any uncertainty in my mind if I should be doing this thing or if there's any point to it ultimately, least of all for myself. Otherwise, why would I bother in a personal sense? In terms of creative projects, this isn't casual dating or flirtation with ideas and an intrigue for me, and it's not a place just for conceptual experimentation. As mentioned in a post above, it's more like a very serious long term relationship or a marriage. Generally, it's not the kind of thing people go into lightly... is it? The thing that people create on a whim with just one idea or another (even as it's a pretty popular notion, you shouldn't get too precious with just the premise or seed of something)? It's not the the thing that people do just because they wanted to make a game and making games is fun, that they fell in love with the idea of it when they were young because it's what they grew up with, that they love what it represents in nostalgia, that it is in the genre of -things that they like-? It's not because they want to see the things that they like and the things that they've seen repeated in this world in form over and over again... is it? Is it being in love with a medium or a way of doing things over meaning? I don't work this way anyway. I can't get enough motivation to finish anything that large especially if the spirit is not there. But -I- am in the spirit of it, so in a sense, if I myself don't feel very cohesive and in focus, there always feels to be something off about what I make. So emotional disconnectedness is problematic for creating anything meaningful, by extension. And when I tend to be emotionally disconnected in one area, that tends to bleed over into all other areas. I have found that it is hard to pick and choose. In the past, there was also a great sense of internal resistance, and this feeling yet again that my own soul and impulses were too much for my body and psyche (as I had been conditioned to be with the latter element) to really sustain a healthy creative process. So I might strain and struggle and it rips itself outside of my internals like a live birth: raw bloody and destructive, but also sometimes whole and perfect at times. Sometimes, a bit more jagged and unpolished, but the SOUL is there. I said to myself that I never wanted to go through this type of creative process again, and I would just wait and see if I could make and become anything else of myself psychoemotionally. Or perhaps maybe I would create nothing at all, and it would be more dispassionate. Fuck art, maybe. Or maybe I'll just resign myself to spectatorship. Or... maybe not. I don't want to sacrifice myself for art, and all of those -tortured artist- tropes. Fuck that noise. ... Also for what it's worth, I feel that I am emotionally resolved enough to let it bloom organically from this point as well, and that either way, I can strike the right working balance.
  5. Interesting suggestions. I had the same issue when I was really young, actually, with sleep sensitivity/ restlessness. One of the things that I found even back then was that I had trouble sleeping on a very empty stomach, or if my room got too cold. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night to go get a glass of milk or a bowl of cereal or something so that I could manage to fall back asleep without struggling. Also, everything would wake me up. Light sleeper here. I usually sleep with earplugs in all the time. I've never really taken chamomile consistently; do you find that it helps a lot? I bought this stuff a few months ago. It does help, but it doesn't exactly knock you. I think my biggest thing is that I have to not indulge in any kind of high energy habit at night, which goes against my natural tendencies. I find that there is a certain kind of clarity and quietness at night, especially being empathic, where it's just not the same during the day time unless it's very very early in the morning. I used to feel good and like I had that same sense of clarity when I woke up very early in the morning (like 5 am), but usually it only lasted for limited phases of time. I've been taking this stuff lately, I think it's this one. I'm inconsistent though. There's also one with valerian which I have not tried. I've heard that it gives you very strange, vivid dreams.
  6. I usually have decaf at least once a day lately, and a cup of black tea once and a while. Having caffeinated coffee is a pretty rare thing for me. It's the acidity of it as well as the caffeine, I think. But the acidity can be an issue even with decaf as well. It's mainly a vehicle for me to take red reishi extract. I used to take it with water and it was disgusting, haha. I mean, I guess there are things that taste much worse. But it's not appetizing.
  7. @Preety_India This is absolutely my weakest spot when it comes to lifestyle habits, like diet, exercise, etc., anything else. Me and my hyperactive nightowl brain. Caffeine or not, it doesn't seem to make much difference (though I am caffeine sensitive).
  8. This would look too good, I think. (I'm not sure what this is called though?) So I've heard. I always felt a bit out of the loop growing up though. And once we did get cable, it was super basic, like marginally better than public television. Yea me too, I keep at least one near my desk at home and one in my purse/bag but was also mindful of using it in public, especially at work (unfortunately that was really where I needed it the most... fluorescent lights and loud, hyperactive kids = avoidable headaches sometimes). Citrus oils and other mint oils aren't that good for your skin, apparently they're very harsh and it's not good in skincare. I think I remember reading that citrus oils make your skin more prone to sun damage, for example. ...At least it smells good.
  9. I missed out on so much entertainment because my parents didn't have cable for most of my childhood. My parents had money related priorities and cable tv was not one of them. And also due to a lack of cable: I've seen FKA Twig's septum; it looks good. You do you though! Silver would definitely look good with navy, but I think it would be reasonably paired with almost all neutrals though regardless of their undertones. If I was to do an undernatural colour, I think I'd do violet. @Preety_India @MyiokoHave you tried those peppermint roll-on things for headaches or migraines, or even peppermint oil in a diffuser? I've found that it helps a lot, more than I would have expected. Thankfully I don't get them so much anymore.
  10. @Myioko Speaking of bloodlike stain, have you seen this classic? My mind immediately went the morbid way: ...Which then made me think of the more bloody, scary moments in Watership Down that I saw as a young kid. Movies for kids back in the day.... they had some interesting and very different ideas about what was child-appropriate in the 70s and 80s vs any time afterwards. Yea, Deviantart used to just be known as "that art website where you put your stuff, talk to your friends, and occasionally talk to some (mostly) nice strangers". (And then browse the people on there who are pro or semi-pro, and then possibly feel intimidated.) I think Myspace was the first type of "social media" that I really thought of as "social media" (even before I or anyone else I knew started calling it that). I didn't use it very much. I remember there being a lot of indie/ scene bands on there, including some that got discovered and/or built a following on the platform. Everything felt so "small town" an unpolished/ raw in a way that feels easy to feel nostalgic about in retrospect, like somehow felt more authentic. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a back in my day! thing... but personally I kind of miss the older, "crappier" side of youtube (as an example). is probably the main reason why I meditate/ do breathwork pretty much every single day, and the most immediate benefit. I get that.
  11. @ivankiss That song has Hope Sandoval (from another well known group from the early/ mid 90s mainly called Mazzy Star) who has a really distinctive voice! Massive Attack always finds these amazing collaborative vocalists. I'd be curious to see what's in your top artists/ songs for the 90s/00s. Never listened to anything other than the dark/ downer 90s era of Katatonia.
  12. @Myioko The septum piercing is the one I wanted the most when I was a teenager; my mom me know that she thought it was not cute. That it made you "look like a bull". She was pretty conservative by standards here. I've thought about tattoos in the past as well, but have the same feeling about committing to it too as well. My mom is Chinese and she very much didn't get the tattoo thing at all; in East Asian cultures in general they associate it with gang activity as you mentioned, in Japan the Yakuza, in HK its the Triads. My mom always kept mentioning that they looked "dirty" to her (and a bunch of other negative associations). In general, I still think body art/ piercings are judged much more harshly there compared to here even if some of the stigma has worn off finally. I have the same issue that you have about committing to it. Plus I worry about it not aging well. Also: your hair looks good both ways! (How have you been finding matching outfits with your haircolour though?)
  13. @ivankiss Both Static-X and APC are SO mid/early 2000s for me! Nostalgic. So was Massive Attack/ trip hop just generally back then, and this song was the hook for me. Also sexy, but sexy-languid or sexy-depressive, I guess.
  14. THE SPOILS/ EVERYTHING IS A BALLOON: a few leftovers. The result of reading one of Junji Ito's short manga stories and I just wanted to turn everything into a balloon (and also I like to smash objects together visually): Random free sketch; I wasn't using my usual pen and I wasn't very happy about it. Another free sketch, which is like: here's a blank page, draw something. Draw anything. The shape of a hat in on of those Moulin Rouge posters got stuck in my head. Not that you can really see what it is, but for some reason my brain as like, let's draw a lady in something like a corset hoop but let's just not put anything on it. Let's just cover it in Christmas lights. Also, scaly armadillo looking lizard things as pets. Floating insignias. Etc. On theme song title:
  15. THIS >BLANK< DOES NOT EXIST (2): Colouring these in greyscale is always surprisingly time consuming to me, relative to coming up with new ideas and drawing. I sometimes wonder to the degree that this is due to a sheer lack of relative experience, namely, the more I do something, the more I tend to get much faster and more efficient at it. Back to the fictional plants. Lizards and shrew-like creatures (and a dwindling attention span that day, apparently.) More underseas creatures and jellyfish. Messing around with the shapes of beetles and the patterns on their bodies. Keeping it within "realistic" confines. More strange plants. Experimenting with the shapes of undersea crustaceans. "star nosed tapir", top left:, various fictional octopuses. More plants/ fruit. Building that database.