soos_mite_ah

A Crumbling Empire I watched this video recently and I really liked this. The video starts with talking about the disaster that is the Iran war, how Britain had a similar (granted less embarrassing) fumble in the Suez canal in the 1950s, and the disaster that was the 250th Independence day. It talks about these events in a narrative of how this is a crumbling empire as the U.S. causes chaos in the global stage, loses leverage and respect, and it can't even throw a proper birthday party without the reflecting pool turning green and having all the performers cancel. Then, the video shifts into talking about how while the empire is crumbling, that's not all bad because the empire isn't necessarily the people. This is my favorite part of the video: Then, the creator goes into his experience watching all of this go down as a Canadian. He touches on how the Revolutionary War gave birth to the U.S, but also Canada and how that really affected average people there. He differentiates between the land, the borders, who rules over a place, from the people themselves, the history they create, and the way they championed their rights. Another section I liked in this video is the part where the creator talks about the Antonio Gramsci quote "The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born; in this interregnum a great variety of morbid symptoms appear." I think this is a good call to action and the overall message that I want to send.

I'm trying to write a book about someone time travels into the future and I want to use models like Spiral Dynamics and The Four Turnings Theory to help me build this futuristic world. I'm not at a place where I have the plot or characters mapped out but I want to focus on the world building aspect first. The reason why I want to write this book is because I want to envision a better future. A lot of stories in the time travel genre, even if it’s something set in the future, is a reflection of how people feel in the present. The Jetsons came out in 1962. The first time humanity got to space was 1961. The first time we were able to fly was 1903. In the span of less than 60 years, we were able to go from ground only transportations to being able to go to space. No wonder people thought in 1962 that in 2062 people will be living like the Jetsons up in space with all types of robots. Back to the Future was envisioning the year 2015 from the lens of 1985 and the optimism of the future back then. Now that we’re in the Crisis era, a lot of our media that depicts the future has to do with dystopias (think the Hunger Games, Cyber Punk 2077 etc.). But I think at this point in time, with cultural nihilism being at it’s peak, rather than envisioning dystopias to critique the present, I think it’s important that we envision building something better. That’s why the Solar Punk aesthetic is popular. But I think rather than a couple of Pinterest mood boards, I want to create a more cohesive narrative of how society and people develop and ultimately, have it be something hopeful and something to aspire to. While I did enjoy the Jetsons and Back to the Future, I think the thing that messed with me even when I was a kid is how much it focused on the fantastical, technological aspect of the future rather than the social one. Unlike what Back to the Future thought in 1985, we didn’t get flying cars in 2015. But something that would send someone from 1985 into a coma if they saw us today is how much more accepting we are of gay and trans people and how much more common things like interracial marriage is. That’s the real controversial, juicy stuff, not the flying cars and hover boards. Sure, I want to make changes in the material world through my world building. But I want to emphasize the changes of policy and social attitudes even more. I don’t want my depiction of the future to be something that seems other worldly. I want it to seem like something that can be tangible. Bascially, this journal is going to be where I track my research as I'm doing my world building.

What If Things Never Got Better? What if things never got better? What if the cost of a median house or the cost of oil/gas never got better? But, instead of us succumbing to this, we build systems around this material reality and those systems actually end up better for us in the long run. The suburban house, the nuclear family living under one roof, the typical middle class lifestyle that we imagine, is not something that has already been around. It’s something that has come up in the last 80 years post WW2. That’s not the only way to live. The main reason why highways were built to and from cities was so that in the event of a nuclear war, we can move supplies around efficiently. After WW2, we didn’t “go back to normal” and get rid of the highways. Instead, we used that as existing infrastructure to make the suburbs which were created as a mid point between rural and urban living but also because of racism and redlining. That’s how things work in the High. New instructions and ways of life are built from the by product of the Crisis. They aren’t perfect and the rationale gets called into action in the Awakening (think Civil Rights movement in this situation). I watched a few financial channels and I’m seeing that the previous financial benefits of owning a suburban house is dwindling these days because of how expensive houses are and because of property tax. A few decades ago, buying a house was a good idea because it locked in your mortgage payment and it was cheaper in the long run as opposed to renting. It was also much easier to buy a house back then where you could save up for a few years and get a down payment. Now, if we’re going off of cost alone and we ignore the American Dream propaganda we have been fed, it makes more sense in major cities now to rent an apartment and take the difference you would have spent on a mortgage and other hidden costs associated with home ownership and put it in the stock market, it will yield higher returns. I also think of Amsterdam and how in the 60s and 70s, people were much more likely to buy cars. Then, because of the 1970s oil crisis, gas became incredibly expensive. And it never went down to where using a car was sustainable again. Instead, the city moved around that and people built more bike and pedestrian friendly infrastructure. Now, fast forward a few decades, I don’t think people are seeing the oil crisis of the 70s as a major hit to people’s quality of life. If anything, I think the new system that was built as a result of the crisis is yielding better results. We can look to today as an example as well. While we never went fully “back to normal” since COVID, some really good things came out of it. People get to work from home now meaning they have more flexibility with where they live, their work life balance, and taking care of kids. While there isn’t a mass physical infrastructure change, to take away one’s commute and give them extra hours of their day back is a huge change to someone’s life infrastructure. And what I’m thinking as far as world building goes is what if housing prices and gas prices never went down and that was actually a good thing. What if this incentivizes people to be in apartments more, thus creating more of a demand for nicer walkable areas. What if instead of all the property taxes from the city core going out to subsidize the suburbs, we reinvest that money towards schools, hospitals, and other major building projects in the city. There is a reason why a lot of major building constructions dwindled after WW2. I mean a lot of the fancy, traditional looking architecture that give a city life was built around the post war period or before that. That is before suburbs became a big thing. It’s because all the money was going out to maintain the suburbs. What if gas prices never went down, people have to use public transport and biking more, and that increases the demand for public transport, better infrastructure, and more denser neighborhoods. What if this is the push we need to invest in green energy and phase out oil and gas. Yes, the American Dream and traditional institutions established 80 years ago are crumbling. And it’s scary because as of now, we just see the negatives and the hit to our quality of life. But what if this is our chance to create a better dream instead of going back to the old and trying to patch up a dying paradigm? But that requires creativity and being able to think outside the box of how the ideal life is a heterosexual marriage with 2.5 kids in a suburban home with two or more cars. Yes, we want to solve the problems of today when envisioning the future. But, we don’t want to do it in a way where we “go back to normal.” We want to create better overall systems that adapt to a changing world, not just fight it to preserve old paradigms. And something that I find so beautiful and also so tragic about the 2020s is that we have the solutions to a lot of these problems. We can solve the climate crisis with our current green energy technology. We can put more money towards schools and our healthcare system because we have the money. We know what policies need to be implemented to create a better quality of life for people. The problem isn’t finding solutions. The problem is implementing said solutions across the backdrop of corporate interests and cultural talking points that are used to cause people to vote against their best interests. That’s why I don’t think that 2076 is going to be this hyper futuristic place. I don’t think more technology alone is going to solve our problems because if that was the case, we wouldn’t be in this situation. If anything, more technology without the proper regulations and protections does more harm than good. Look at the way that companies like DoorDash, Airbnb, and Uber are harming the economy, harming the consumers, and harming the workers. Yes the conveniences are nice, but they aren’t a net positive without the proper guard rails.

Reading List This is going to be pieces of media that I want to consume. It's not a literal reading list that features books but it's also going to feature movies, shows and more. Imagining a Solar Punk World: Disney's Strange World A Psalm for the Wild-Built and A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers Studio Ghibli's Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, Castle in the Sky, and Princess Mononoke Woman on the Edge of Time by Marge Piercy Always Coming Home by Ursula K. Le Guin Walkaway by Cory Doctorow Glass and Gardens: Solarpunk Summers by Sarena Ulibarri The Ministry of the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson More Technical Material The Fourth Turning and The Fourth Turning is Here by Neil Howe and William Strauss I don't know any sources for this but things on decomodifying housing The videos on Alan Fisher's Youtube Channel about urban planning and public transit Continue watching videos from Real Life Lore Rewatch Leo's videos on Conscious Politics Various Books from my degree (I'm not in my apartment right now so I cannot list them off the top of my head). Philosophy Salvation by bell hooks All About Love by bell hooks The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays by Albert Camus The Rebel: An Essay on Man in Revolt by Albert Camus The End of Eternity by Isaac Asimov Walden and Civil Disobedience by Henry David Thoreau Vulcan's Hammer by Philip K. Dick Topics to Research (no specific sources, just explore these things) Parallels between the previous crisis era and now comparing the counter culture movement to the transcendentalist movements green energy what different countries are doing and potential solutions to current problems

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Just created yet another journal since my other journal was getting too long. I've also been wanting a new start and a new space since my last journal was started way back in 2021 when my life was very different from where I'm at right now. Here are my two previous journals for a quick reference/ recap: Psychoanalyzing Myself: 9/1/2021- 12/25/2024 The Joy Journal: 7/19/2020 - 9/7/2021

Parenting and Being the Weird Kid I watched the video below and I found myself thinking about how I was the weird kid growing up, how that shaped me, and what is and isn't considered a bad way of being weird. I saw the first tiktok that Brittany talks about prior to her covering it so I came up with my own conclusions. I watched the video out of curiosity on how her take may compare to mine and I think this is one of those instances where we have arrived in the same conclusion. Brittany talks about the difference between being Ethical and Unethical weirdos. And I remember making this distinction as a kid as well but with different terminology. I differentiated the weird kids as the cool weird kids vs the WEIRD weird kids. So the Ethical Weirdos (or in my case the cool weird kids) are the kids that might be neurodivergent, have unconventional tastes and interests, or might be gay or perhaps part of a culture or demographic that isn't as common in that particular setting. But generally speaking, even if these kids are a little odd, they typically have basic socialization skills to find like minded weirdos and not be in the second category of the Unethical Weirdos. The Unethical Weirdos (or in my 13 year old's terminology, the WEIRD weird kid) are the kids that are deemed weird because they legit have social problems. These are the neckbeards, the incels, the school shooter types, the people who instigate problems with everyone, the people who don't understand boundaries and sexually assaults other kids etc. The lady in the Tiktok said something along the lines of how as a parent, it isn't just your job to love your kid unconditionally but you need to make sure that you correct problematic behavior so they aren't the weird kid who struggles to make ANY friends because of how poorly socialized they are. Now, what this lady means by weird and what she means by fitting in can be up to interpretation, especially since judging by her content she seems conservative leaning, but I think there is a lot of truth to what she's saying if we draw the distinction between the ethical weird kids vs the unethical weird kids who are the product of poor parenting and socialization. I think growing up, especially in elementary school, I was generally an ethical weird kid but there were some unethical elements there as well as elements that came from not so great parenting. And I want to explore that a little bit throughout the years. Elementary School: I went to a Christian private school in Texas. This is very important context because I think the setting alone made me stand out as a weird kid even before I did anything odd. I was the only South Asian kid in the school: Most of the kids didn't have any exposure to South Asian people from the area of Dallas I was from and I think while I didn't encounter a lot of overt racism, a lot of it was just them not knowing how to deal with that information because they were like 8. I had a number of kids who asked me which tribe I was from when they heard I was Indian. Some kids thought I was Mexican but the Mexican kids didn't know where to place me. I remember I wore something cultural for Halloween and told people I was a princess and they said I was a weird princess because I didn't wear one of the specific Disney Princess costumes (not because they thought there was something wrong with my dress or that it was ugly). My mom used to put oil in my hair and when I told that to the other kids, they said I was gross and smelly even though I washed out the oil in the shower after leaving it on for a couple hours. So far, this isn't anything hateful, just kids being uninformed. But the hateful stuff came from how religious this school was. My parents sent me here for the education and didn't put any thought into the way they expressed Christianity here. I was one of the few non Christian kids and I would hear about people talking about how non believers would go to hell. I remember seeing an Atheist kid getting bullied and thinking that I cannot express that I'm not Christian let alone Hindu here. And I was also pretty lost when it came to Bible study and church ettiquitte because I was just not exposed to any of that stuff at home. Like I remember one time I asked what you would wear to church and the whole class looked at me like I was stupid. So yeah, I think in these situations, I was labeled as the weird kid but it wasn't because of anything that I was doing wrong. And you know what, when I was in social situations with mostly other South Asian kids, I didn't socially struggle nearly as much because people didn't have the initial reaction of categorizing me as weird. My Parents Were Over Protective: I remember kids going to summer camp and never being able to relate to any of that stuff. I remember begging my mom to let me go to camp and she would freak out on me. I remember not being allowed to go to sleepovers or any playdates because my mom especially didn't trust any parents that weren't also South Asian so that stunted my ability to make friends outside of school. I remember sleeping in my parents' bedroom every night because that's pretty common in South Asian culture rather than having your own individual room. I remember my mom would insist on doing everything for me, from helping me shower at age 6 because she thought I couldn't take a proper shower by myself, picking out all of my clothes to where I had no choice on what to wear, to literally spoonfeeding me because she thought that I would make a mess. And I remember pushing back against all of that because it felt ridiculous and like a hit to my sense of independence and sense of confidence. Also, the kids making fun of me at school when I revealed little things about my home life like how my mom wouldn't let me watch Harry Potter (not because it was Satanic but because she thought it would give me nightmares) didn't help. I realize I'm mainly talking about my mom in these situations but my dad, though not actively overprotective, would basically stand by her and watched this happen. I think some of the stuff is cultural differences where we see parents doing everything for their kid as an expression of love rather than a way to stifle their sense of independence. You see the same dynamic when it comes to dealing with elders as well. And I think this is a product of collectivistic culture where interdependence is emphasized more than independence compared to more individualistic cultures. But I think that both parenting styles can be taken to the extreme to where it's unethical and negligent. On the individualistic side, things can get negligent when you expect your kid to be self-sufficient before that's developmentally appropriate. On the collectivistic side, things can get negligent where you do everything for your kid to where they don't learn the proper skills they need in order to be a functioning person. Like I don't think that helping your kid shower to where you teach them proper washing techniques into the age of 6 or 7, though a little late imo , is the worst thing in the world (but I have an American cultural bias). But that dips into the negligence and as a result unethical territory when you're doing this to a 10 or 11 year old. Speaking of cultural differences, while playdates are a thing, South Asian people don't really do sleepovers. So the idea of just dropping your kid off at a strangers house freaked my parents out. And I think there is an added layer of uncertainty because you're in an environment where the people don't share the same background as you and you don't know what is and isn't normal. Later on, after like the age of 10, I was allowed to do sleepovers with other South Asian kids where my parents knew the other parents well. And now that I'm older, I can kind of get why my parents were like this both from a immigrant parents perspective but also a safety perspective. The safety perspective is that if you are dropping your kid off at an unknown adult's place, you never know what they could be exposed to and unfortunately, it's not a unique experience that some people get sexually assaulted in these situations. And in my opinion, I'm not judging the parents for being hesitant in these situations, but I do think there is a better way to handle these things. I remember being frustrated about not being able to go over to people's house after school or spend the night because it felt like I couldn't develop relationships outside of school, that I was being isolated from my peers, and I got this reputation of being the weird kid with the over protective parents. And I think rather than having a strict rule about not being able to go anywhere, it's better to talk to the parents for a little bit to get a general vibe and also communicate with your kids on healthy boundaries and sex ed (i.e. no one should be touching certain parts of your body and if anything like that happens, tell your parents even if someone threatens to harm you if you tell and you're scared). I think that's a much more ethical way to go about dealing with situations like this because you're not isolating your kid, you're teaching them discernment and boundaries, and you're allowing them to learn through experience and exposure. And speaking of having conversations around boundaries and sex, another reason why I was labeled as weird is because I didn't have any conversations around sex. I was labeled as the weird innocent kid because sometimes I didn't know when something was an innuendo or something sounded wrong. Thankfully I never assaulted a kid or did anything sexually weird. I do remember some kids saying things like *you're not allowed to touch me, that's inappropriate*. I didn't do anything super weird but I remember not really understanding that and why touching might be inappropriate. In those situations, my brain just went to *I'm just going to continue poking this kid on the arm to annoy them* because I had an age appropriate sense of naivity to a certain extent. Which is why, when kids describe a sexual assault, there is a very high chance they are telling the truth because kids don't just make up things like that and it doesn't naturally occur in their brain unless they got exposed to something. So in other words, while I wasn't a weird kid unethically due to the choices and actions I took in these types of situations, I think there is an element of things being unethical or just poorly handled due to a misunderstanding of cultural queues on behalf of how my parents decided to parent. Not understanding boundaries or conflict resolution: This is an area that I think I was unethically a weird kid when I was in elementary school. I think I was labelled as annoying partially because I didn't understand boundaries (going back to the arm poking example). I also didn't understand when or how to stand up for myself (instead my parents told be that if I got picked on to tell the teacher but that made it worse because then I was a tattle tell). So to other kids, I kind of became a doormat at one point. While other times, rather than standing up for myself, I would find myself lashing out over little things and crying easily because of issues at home, which would result in some kids not really wanting to be around me. Unconventional Interests: So here I think there is an ethical and unethical component. I think there were situations where I just had unconventional interests that were harmless and fine but the kids were just unnecessarily mean to me. I liked Pokemon and people thought that was weird since anime wasn't as much of a thing at the Christian private school. I liked the Powerpuff girls and kids thought I was childish for that (which doesn't make sense since we're all like 8 lol). I also liked more tomboyish things despite being a girl and kids thought I was weird for that. But the part that I think dips into unethical category is how I had this *I'm not like other girls* attitude where I thought I was better than other girls for not having girly interests. I think part of this was people picking on me for being a weird kid (so I was trying to reclaim it), part of it was internalized misogyny because of various cultural factors, and part of it was my own mother who modeled this attitude as well. But yeah, I think that I was pretty insufferable at times and I don't blame people for thinking I'm annoying. Middle School: I went over to a different private Christian school except in this place, the student body was more diverse and wasn't particularly religious. As a result, I didn't get the same degree of people having the knee jerk reaction that I was weird. That made me socially mixing up with other kids so much easier. Plus, none of the kids knew me so it was kind of like a fresh start. I was considered weird because of my unconventional interests. I was still insufferable but not so much to where I struggled to make friends. It didn't socially handicap me. I had my own group of friends and I remember as a result being considered one of the "cool weird kids" instead of the "WEIRD weird" kids. This was around the time I was really getting into anime, fanfiction, various fandomsm, Tumblr culture etc. I do think that I would have benefitted from some more guidance and parental involvement in this area. My parents weren't involved because they're boomers and didn't really know the ins and outs of internet culture or the bullshit that was out there. Thankfully, I didn't get groomed by a predator in Omegle or fall down an alt right pipeline. But I did unfortunately discover pro-ana tumblr and I think that gave me permanent brainrot. Overprotective Tendencies and Mental Health Issues: I still didn't do a good job in nurturing my friendships outside of school because of my parents over protective tendencies. I don't think that contributed to people thinking I'm weird but it did stunt me a little socially and made it difficult to open up to people to develop deeper connections. I was also dealing with things like anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and social anxiety. But it didn't cross into the unethical territory where I was harming people around me as a result. A little cringy, emo, and awkward sure. Did people think I was weird as a result, sure. But I wasn't incel level dangerous and it didn't socially handicap me so badly to where I had no peer relationships. I was considered ugly: Part of it was racism. I had a South Asian guy I like talk shit behind my back and say that he "only dates white girls because brown girls are all ugly." Part of it was my mom not letting me do things like shave, pluck my eyebrows to where I didn't have a unibrow, wear makeup, and just really discourage anything that involved having an interest in my physical appearance. She was afraid that it was going to make me vain and distract me from school. And I'm glad that I was forced to develop a sense of confidence outside of my looks. But at the same time, I would have handled this differently. I liked how the video did talk about ensuring your kids fit in and that sometimes it means buying them the cool clothes, makeup etc. Peer acceptance is important at that age and while I understand wanting to teach you kid to rise above that, I think it's also important to meet them where they're at. Like we can discuss Eurocentric beauty standards and why women are expected to be hairless later on. Let's just do your eyebrows at age 11 when you're getting a unibrow so that you don't have to deal with the headache of the kids at school bullying you. It's a very quick fix lol. Genuinely, I think the eyebrows alone (and maybe a small amount of makeup) would have saved me the trauma of kids picking on me for my appearance. At the same time, I can understand telling your kid no sometimes when they try to fit in if they're asking for something unreasonable like a designer bag that costs a thousand dollars or hell, when they ask you to buy like 10 Stanley cups. In those situations, you need to have a bigger conversation with them regarding consumerism and status symbols and point out that the kids hyperfixating on this to where they are picking on other kids is them being losers. And I also think that taking care of your appearance and paying attention to fashion to a certain extent is also about learning social queues. I'm not saying you gotta wake up at 5 am at age 14 and serve looks every day. But I don't think that having an interest in doing things to improve your appearance should be discouraged unless it's getting to a point where it's harming your mental health and your ability to keep up with your grades. Like I wish I had the mom who didn't yell at me for straightening / curling my hair, who actually taught me how to do my makeup without looking crazy, and who didn't think I was superficial for not wanting to wear certain types of clothes that honestly made me look weird. I was also a little chubby and when I wasn't in my school uniform, this lady basically made me dress business casual and like a mini- middle aged woman who might be a part of a Christian cult because she thought that the clothes that other teenagers were wearing either didn't flatter me or she thought that it made me look like a whore. And yeah, that made me look weird to other kids because me dressing like a middle aged woman socially made me look strange. What / Who I Considered "WEIRD weird" (aka unethically weird): People definitely called me weird in middle school but the majority of people who called me weird didn't do it in a bullying way and more of a "she just has unconventional interests but she's like cool weird." The only people who bullied me for being weird was this group of judgemental teenage girls and a small group of teenage boys who thought I was ugly (which is only really a total of 6-10 people out of like the 75ish people in my private middle school). But there were people who the vast majority of the school thought was weird in the not so great way. One girl, we'll call her Leah, was one of the stereotypical horse girls. But the problem wasn't that she liked horses. That's not what made people hate her initially. The problem was the way that she would be possessive over her friends and get jealous when they wanted to branch out socially outside her, the way that she was casually racist, and the way that she would blow up at people and instigate conflict. Her dad also worked at the school and she would try to use that to her advantage to get people she didn't like in trouble. She also would cuss out and yell at her parents which made her look like a brat. She was also a bit overweight, probably had the tism, and was questioning her sexuality. While I wouldn't say that those 3 things were the reasons why she was hated and considered weird, I would say that those 3 things were very low hanging fruit to bully her for people who didn't like her for legitimate reasons. And I think that we (myself included at times) were very wrong for that. I get that I was literally 12, but if I could go back, I would tell myself that just because you don't like someone, that doesn't give you a free pass to behave unethically towards them. It got bad to where she had to leave school and be homeschooled for like a year to get away from that environment. I think looking back as an adult, I don't hate this girl. I think she was neurodivergent and her parents didn't know how to handle that and as a result, at times they were too soft on her / didn't address her behavior AND she doubled down on her negative tendencies when other kids would react to her initial actions. The reason why she was possessive towards the new kids was because it was like a fresh start for her to bond with kids who didn't know her reputation. On one hand, you could say that was manipulative. But on the other hand, I do think it's a response to being bullied from before and trying to grasp at connection. But then, that sense of possessiveness became a self fulfilling prophecy that pushed those same people away. There was this other boy, we'll call Chase, who was considered weird because he was creepy towards a lot of girls. Like I'm talking violating consent and getting handsy, staring at people, and talking about people in weird sexual ways. I also have a distinct memory of this one time when he was like 10 when he bit someone so hard he drew blood. Even once he got to middle school, he had some violent tendencies. I remember that we got a talk from the adults about how we shouldn't exclude people or bully them (low key it was about this guy since he was always being left out) and I remember having the biggest eye roll because there was a legitimate reason why we thought this kid was weird and why no one wanted to talk to him. But we were labeled as being immature kids who were bullying him. Anyways, years later I found out that he raped a girl in college and got kicked out and his parents are in denial about the whole thing. There was also another guy who was in my friend group (sort of because I eventually distanced myself from this group because they were toxic) who was considered the weird kid and the butt of the joke. He was also kind of chubby and not considered the best looking (and we shouldn't have made fun of him for that). He also had violent tendencies and was creepy towards girls because of how desparate he was (think where my hug at but on steroids). Despite working and having a glow up, he was still really insecure and creepy. He also stalked one of my friends and in high school, would make a bunch of weird sexual comments / advances despite my friend shutting him down multiple times. I also heard that in college that he drugged and raped a girl and that he was part of one of those frats that were notorious of date rape. Highschool: I changed schools once again and this time, I went to the nerdy public school where you could get an associates degree from a community college at the same time you graduated high school. As a result of that and where I'm at in Texas, let's just say that my school was filled with black gay nerds who were politically involved. I wasn't labeled as weird in this environment. I think we were all a bit weird to where no one was considered weird regarding things like race, sexuality, gender expression, or unconventional interests. I remember overhearing a conversation where even the vice principal was joking on how our highschool was like the island of misfit toys compared to the regular highschool in our district. I wouldn't say I socially thrived here either (or was considered "cool") because I had other mental health stuff going on at home to where I wasn't particularly social/ was shy and socially anxious. I didn't really find "my people" here, and I just didn't always mesh in terms of values an world views. I also had a lot of shit going on at home that made it difficult for me to open up and develop deeper relationships, or feel safe/ mentally stable enough to pursue romantic connections. I didn't have any actual adults guiding me through the grief process of losing a loved one which led me to get really isolated from my friends at the time. I had a year or so where I didn't really have friends, but it never got so bad to where I was ostracized by my peers and considered weird. There were a few unethically weird people here and I think they all fall into the neckbeard/ potential school shooter category. College: I went to college in a conservative, predominantly white and wealthy college. This was also during the pandemic. I felt like I was most judged for being weird in this environment. Bro, this was worse than how weird I was considered in elementary school and how traumatizing middle school can be. I was also just surrounded by questionable characters who might have been considered "normal" by larger societal standards (again, rich, white, conventionally attractive, relatively social) but they just moved unethically. I felt incredibly isolated at this time and COVID made things sooo much worse. It's not like I experienced bullying, people being rude, or people blatantly disrespecting me, but I did feel ostracized and like I didn't belong AT ALL. And honestly, most regular people I went to college with or people who visited me from outside of campus recognized how strange this environment was. Genuinely, I felt like the weirdest person there and after I graduated and I was around regular people, I realized how much of a social experiment my college experience felt like. Worklife: I'm mainly around normies here. But I think a lot of normies can get into strange territory when they start believing in dumb shit like conspiracy theories or when people are just politically incoherent and/or apathetic. I don't think anyone considers me weird in the workplace but I do feel out of place at times. I definitely don't think that I can be my full self at work. Here are some factors: COVID socially stunting me mixed with a little social anxiety + a touch of the tism. >> basically mental health My leftist/ socially involved tendencies where I'm like thinking deeply about every little thing and I'm clocking in with an existential crisis like 90% of the time. And the last part is how I don't really care about traditional motivators like saving for a house, making more money, and building my life around a romantic partner and kids.

I find myself contemplating motherhood a lot in terms of me trying to make more long term plans for my life. I'm trying to figure out if this is the path for me, if this is something I should do, and if this is something I'm even cut out for. I also want my thoughts to be organized in one place.

Things I Have Accomplished During My Time Off Work I'm working again and I'm done with my time off. I wrote a post of all the things I wanted to accomplish during my time off and I want to reflect on that. My thoughts now will be highlighted in blue: In conclusion, I found myself feeling like this coming into work:

My Favorite Models + Models I Have Made Spiral Dynamics: I feel like my understanding of this model has only deepened over time. I think it's been a good tool to see through the bullshit that is being spewed with the massive ego backlash the world is going through due to the Trump era. I think it's a good way to map out collective trends and see where they are falling short or how they are evolving over time. I had many reasons why I decided to join this forum about 6 years ago but one of my big reasons was that I wanted a space online where I can talk about Spiral Dynamics and people will understand me since no one in my real life knows about this model nor do they have the patience/interest to learn. Four Turnings: I like this theory because of the way that it views history in cycles and seasons as opposed to linearly. I feel like it has helped me make sense of how things have changed over the past few decades, the differences in the cultural ziegiest, where we are right now, and how in a way, it's giving me hope regarding how chaotic our world is. I know I have a huge survival bias regarding why I like Spiral Dynamics and the Four Turnings and how it gives me a sense of predictability, but I still love it nonetheless. 9 Stages of Ego Development: While Spiral Dynamics is better at mapping out development on a collective level, the 9 Stages of Ego Development is better about mapping out the development of individuals and their levels of consciousness. I rewatched the videos recently and a lot of things just started clicking for my journey and personal life, as well as what I observe regarding the people around me. I know I don't mention this model enough in my journals but it is underrated. Brittany Simon's Levels: This is a model I have been enjoying recently as I have been delving into Brittany's content more. I wrote about this in the previous post as to what this consists of. But I do think this can be helpful in realizing how people are engaging with reality, introspection, and exopection. I think my understanding of this model is greatly enhanced by the 9 Stages of Ego Development as well as Spiral Dynamics. Systems I have Made: Character, Personality, Skill Model: One thing that really stuck with me as I was watching Dr. K from Healthy Gamer was this notion that in order to solve problems, you need to have a good understanding of a problem and a proper diagnosis. As someone who has been getting into conflict resolution, I found that this framework is useful in helping me diagnose problems in relationships and how to proceed. The way that the structure of people's lives change after school: I think this is still in progress but being aware of this has helped me cope with understanding why people are acting the way they do after they leave the school environment. It has been essential for me to use this framework so that I don't fall into the name, blame, and shame game that people often fall into as relationships change and drift after school and so that I can identify various logistical and psychological obstacles that can come up when developing adult friendships. Social Competencies: I think this has helped me accurate gage where my social skills are at, where I need to improve, and what to do in order to improve without falling into the trap of creating a specific charicature of a socially competent person and without falling into the trap of moralizing social competencies, social inadequacies, and social awkwardness. It views social skills as muscle you can work, develop, and get stronger rather than viewing social skills as something inherent that you are and aren't born with.

Brittany Simon's Levels I found Brittany's content about a year ago and based on her language across 2-3 videos I watched, I wanted to know what framework she was talking about throughout her content. I watched this video about a year ago, understood like 60% of it, and then I continued watching other her content since then. I think since watching her content, I have a better grasp as to what she is talking about and I want to summarize my understanding here. What is a bubble?: A bubble is a community built around a sense of perception, paradigmns, and beliefs. What are the Levels?: The levels describe the different people in those bubbles and how they react within and around the bubbles, or their relationship to perception. As a result, it can be a gage of where people are in their introspection/exopection journey. What are the differences between introspection and exospection?: While introspection is when you reflect on your internal world and you ask yourself questions to better understand yourself, exopection is the same thing but for your outerworld and for the people around you. So if I were to introspect about my experiences with racism, I might ask myself how I'm experiencing this, my relationship to racism, and how it's affecting me. If I were to exopect, I might ask myself questions about how other people are experiencing racism, how racism manifests systemically, and how it shows up various other social situations. Level 2: People who are in Level 2 are inside their bubble of perception. There are different ways that this manifests depending on if you're a 2C, 2B, and 2A. I'm going to use fatphobia as an example of a bubble to illustrate how the different 2 levels show up. 2C are in the bottom in the 2 level. They are moving through their existance and are engaging with it without much thought or introspection. A 2C in the fatphobia bubble has unconscious biases they aren't acknowledging, they are engaging with pop culture and they are passively taking in the narratives society is giving about people who are fat or skinny. 2Bs are a step above 2Cs and they are introspecting / exopecting more. The 2B is aware that fatphobia is a thing and they are analyzing their experinces within that perceptual bubble. They can see why they are treated differently based on their size and how fatphobia is impacting society. That's the key, they are still within the bubble, hence why they are still a Level 2. 2As are a step above 2Bs not because they are introspecting more, but because they see the whole bubble and system for what it is from a bird's eye view, rather than breaking out, they're still in the bubble and they want to be in the top of the bubble. So in the fatphobia bubble, a 2A is someone who can see how fatphobia is affecting people. But rather than calling the fatphobia out, they are obsessed with being skinny so that they can reap the benefits of skinny privilege because they want to be at the top of the hiearchy and bubble. A 2B might say *fat phobia is fucked up and it's wrong that people are judged on their size, we need to change the system* while a 2A might say *fatphobia is fucked up and it's wrong that people are judged on their size, but that's just how life is so in order to play the game, you need to looksmax.* This is why a 2B is more likely to break out of their bubble and deconstruct the bubble of fatphobia and become a 3 as opposed to a 2A becoming a 3. 2As are often stuck in the selfishness and the ego of wanting to be at the top of the hiearchy of whatever bubble they are in. And why would they break out of a bubble that they are at the top of? It's possible for them to see the limitations of the bubble and break out, but it's less likely. Level 3: Brittany sees Level 3 as a bridge between Level 2 and Level 4. The way that I understand it is that Level 3 are the bubble hoppers and bubble bursters. Unlike 2s, they see that everything is based off of perceptions and they tend to hop between different perceptions and communities. They are more exploratory and more experimental. To further illustrate Level 3, I'm going to use religion as a bubble. Let's say you have a large bubble of religion. That bubble has a bunch of little bubbles inside of it. You have the Christianity bubble, the Judaism bubble, the Islamic bubble, the Hindu bubble, the Buddist bubble, the Atheist bubble etc. Those bubbles also have smaller bubbles. Hindusim has a lot of regional variations and each of those are bubbles. I have also met a wide variety of Hindus across the different spiral dynamic stages on how they express their religion, and those are different bubbles. All of the religions and all of the different groups within those religions have a different perceptual paradigm and framework they opperate out of. Religion itself is it's own bubble. A Level 3 recognizes this in hops across different bubbles and in and out of the bubbles. I'll use myself as an example. I was born within the bubble of Hinduism, specifically Shaktism that is the form of Hinduism that is practiced in the region of Bengal. I hopped out of that bubble as I interacted with people of different faiths. I also hopped around within the Hindu bubble as I was exposed to other communities who practice Hinduism differently than I do. I also hopped out of the Hindu bubble, then into the Christian and Islamic bubbles, and interacted with various groups of people within those bubbles. I have interacted with Protestants, Catholics, Orthodox Christians, Christians from different countries, Christians from different degrees to which they practiced their religion. I have interacted with Shia and Sunni Muslims. I have interacted with a range of Muslims from the people who cover everything but their eyes and don't believe in engaging with the opposite sex to the Muslims who are mostly secular and are more so culturally Muslim to where they will literally get drunk every weekend but draw the line at pork. I have interacted with Muslims whose families are from the Middle East versus Muslims from South Asia. The path for Level 3s is that as they are hopping around different bubbles and communities are the following: They either stay a 3 where they are hopping around indefinitely. Some eventually find a bubble they consider their home, settle down there, and rather than see it as a bubble, they see it as an objective/ accurate view of reality. Once they view a bubble as not a bubble but an objective and accurate view of reality, they drop back down to Level 2. Which is totally fine. You can live as a 2 and have a healthy and fulfilling life, but that is largely dependent on which bubble you settle down in and how coherent that perception and pardigmn is. You can be a Level 2 and subscribe to a white nationalist Christian bubble. Or, you can be a Level 2 and subscribe to a more expansive Christian bubble that accepts gay people and is relatively progressive like Pope Leo. Then they're are some Level 3s who hop around bubbles long enough to realize that the world is nothing but bubbles and then they have an existential crisis and turn into Level 4s. I'll go into the existential crisis about Level 4s in a little bit. But basically, the reason why 3s are a bridge between Level 2 and Level 4 is because 3s either remain 3s and stay on the bridge, they go back to being a 2 or they go on to being a 4. Level 4: Level 4s realize that life is nothing but perception and as a result, it feels like the rug got pulled out from under them because there is no objective reality. We all subscribe to some kind of paradigm. Going back to the religion bubble example, a Level 4 might get out of their original bubble of Hinduism, then explore other bubbles, pop out of those bubbles and then they see religion as a larger bubble of it's own. Then they pop out of the religion bubble and realize that the bubbles are endless because human perception is endless. They are still subject to much broader bubbles like thought, language, and the limits of the human mind and experience. And this freaks them out and they feel ungrounded. This is often where people get into really bad existential crisis around nihilism where they think nothing matters because they cannot get to an objective truth. They might fall into solipsism, think nothing is real, and become neurotic as a result of said realizations. The thing with Level 4s is that they either die as 4s because of how bad the existential crisis is, or they progress into becoming Level 5s. They cannot go back and become a 2 or a 3 because once they see that everything is perception and they see the endless bubbles, they cannot undo that realization. Level 5: Level 5s are more chill Level 4s who have made peace with their realizations and they can differentiate between objective and relative truths. As a result, instead of resisting the bubbles like the 4s, they can accept and embrace them. They might bubble hop like a 3, and settle into a bubble like a 2 but what differentiates them from the 3 or a 2 is the journey they went on when they went to Level 4. Even when they engage with different perspectives, there is an element of *hey I'm engaging with this paradigm rather than subscribing to it.* Think of it has a Level 5 doesn't live in any one bubble rather they exist as a 5 and then every now and then, they come back down to the Level 2s, engage with the community and perpectives, and then return back to their 5 home. Level 5s can be healthy or unhealthy. I think Brittany is a good example of a 5 but so is Leo Gura. But I would say that Brittany is a healthier 5 because of the way that she deconstructs things like patriarchy, and ableism whereas even though Leo can understand things from a 5 perspective, he still engages with the redpill / pickup train of thought. This is why I would say that 5s aren't necessarily superior to the other levels. You can still have very significant blindspots as a 5 even if you are seeing things at a much more birds eye view. However, there is a correlation between being a higher level and being more conscious. It's highly unlikely that you will see a 5 Trump supporter because if you can see all these different perspectives and be chill about it, it's unlikely that you will have the ego and the survival desirees that will compell you to vote for Trump in the first place. You can be a Level 2 and lead a much healthier and much more fulfilling life than some Level 3s and Level 4s. I will say that Spiral Dynamics, while it measures consciousness, doesn't map out super well on Brittany Simon's levels because Sprial Dynamics itself is a bubble of it's own. There are correlations. I think you can be at Level 2 and be anywhere on the spiral. I think Level 3s tend to be orange and beyond. Orange can still be experimental and explorative even though it's still stuck in the materialist paradigm. Green is often characterized as being multicultural and there is an element of bubble hopping there. Yellow and Turquoise are characterized with being multiperspectival. Level 4s and Level 5s are typicallly stage Green and beyond. They might have hang ups in the previous stages but you need to be able to see multiple perspectives and not be bound down by the materialist paradigm. I will say that I think Brittany's Levels map out better in Susan Cook Greuter's 9 Stages of Ego Development. People who are in the Impuslive, Opportunist, Conformist, Expert, and Achiever stages are likely to be in Level 2. Where in Level 2 they are can depend on that individual and how they interact with the bubble or how much they introspect. A Conformist can usually be at 2C because of their lack of introspection on what they are conforming to, or they can be a 2A where they conform so hard because they want to be at the top of the hiearchy. When I think of a Conformist 2A, I often think of Betty Draper from Mad Men who is a typical 1950s housewife who understands the social rules really well but rather than break out of it, she doubles down. Opportunists and Achievers are often at 2As as well because of their desire to be at the top of the hiearchy. However, depending on how healthy someone in the Achiever stage is, where they are in the spiral, and their extent of selfishness they can also be a 2B. The post conventional stages like the Pluralist, Strategist, and Construct Aware stages tend to be Level 3 and beyond. The Pluralist and the Strategist are aware of the bubbles and are deconstructing. They might drop down to a 2 or they might continue to become a 4. Construct Aware and the Transcendent Unitive stages can often Level 4 and 5 depending on how healthy they are. You can also be a Level 3 Construct Aware but if you're here, it's likely you aren't super deep into the Construct Aware stage in terms of life experience and embodiment. As a Level 3, you might theoretically understand the Construct Aware Stage and empathize with it, in the same way you can theoretically understand Level 4 and 5 and empathize, but you yourself haven't gone through the existential crisis stage that a Level 4 has, hence the lack of life experience and embodiment. F Finally, after talking about Levels 2-5, I guess it's understandable to ask about Level 1. Level 1s are rare and hard to pin down hence why I have left it to be the last level I discuss. Level 1s don't engage with the bubbles and exist outside of them. Unlike the Level 5s who also exist out of the bubbles, Level 1s don't do the introspection work. I would compare Level 1 and Level 5 as the difference between a monk who has achieved no mind through meditation and enlightenment versus someone who is in the state of no mind due to not putting in effort and just being spiritually unconscious. When Level 1s critique the bubbles, it's a critique from below while when Level 5s critique the bubbles, it's a critique from above. Level 1s lack introspection / exopection even more than 2Cs. 2Cs still engage with their surroundings and are a capable of being functioning human beings to a certain extent even if they are a little unconscious. A Level 1 doesn't engage at all. Someone could be at Level 1 due to really shitty life circumstances and then when those circumstances improve, they can move up to a 2C and beyond. However, there are a lot of cases where Level 1s stay Level 1s even with all the resources in the world because they refuse to help themselves or the people around them. That's why Level 1s aren't necessarily fallen 2Cs, rather they can be a category of consciousness of their own. It's not a disability thing. You can have a mental or emotional disability and still be a Level 2 and beyond. It's not a matter of high functioning or low functioning. It's a lack of engagement. There is some kind of philosophical bug Level 1s have that is hard to pin down that even Brittany has trouble articulating even though she is picking up on it. I feel like personally, I'm at a Level 3. I like hopping between bubbles and going in and out of bubbles. And I think for me, part of the reason why I do this is because I feel epistemically homeless and I'm looking for a bubble to settle in and "find my people" so to speak. I wouldn't be surprised if I drop down to a 2 later on nor do I mind it. I think I have a sense of contentment regarding where I'm at on the spiral, where I'm at in the ego development stages, and where I'm at in the levels. I think that seeing the levels and not seeing it as a hiearchy where a 4 is better than a 2 is for example is a better understanding about the levels and is an indication that you're not wrapped up in the paradigm of hierachy and the ego games that come along with it, rather you can see the nuances of how well each level manifests. And I think that seeing the nuances is easier if you are exposed to things like Spiral Dynamics and the Ego Development Stages. And yes, even if I can theoretically and emotionally empathize with Level 4 and 5, I can't say that understanding is coming from a place of embodiment or life experience. Whenever I read threads on this forum about solipsism, I can piece together what people are talking about but I cannot relate. I feel like there is a chance that I might get to Level 4 and 5 if I do psychedelics. But before I make a move like that, I think it would be a good idea to read up on various nondual teachings and concepts so that I can better navigate in Level 4 instead of having a freak out at Level 4 and dying and get to a more chill Level 5 in a less painful path.

A Letter to my 21 Year Old Self I was in the mood to read my old journal that I wrote in from July 2020 to August 2021. I was expecting it to be much more cringe than it was. There were a couple of moments where I caught myself rolling my eyes, but they were few and far between. The thing that inspired me to write this post was the following part of an entry where I was wondering where I would be at 26: I laughed when I got to this part. Yup, here I am at 26 reporting for duty. I remember when writing this, I was writing about all the ways that the pandemic fucked up my college experience, how I thought I would have been further along in life by now, and as a result, how if 16 year old me saw me at 21 she would burst out in tears. As I was reading this entire journal, I found myself thinking I had come a long way in terms of the overall quality of my life and my ability to cope. I was so much more stressed, anxious and depressed when writing in The Joy Journal compared to where I am now. And if I could send a letter to my 21 year old self, the first thing I would do is reassure her regarding her fears for the future. You found stable employment very shortly after college. It's not a job in my desired field but it does pay enough and it isn't a *head empty no thoughts* kind of job. You were able to live on my own for 2 years in Dallas and then you moved in with my boyfriend. You got into this relationship back in May 2022 and y'all have been going strong ever since. He is incredibly smart, competent, gentle, and genuine. He lives up to a lot of the stuff that you have written in your journal about what kind of man you wanted as your first relationship. And you're pretty good in a romantic relationship. I know you were scared at first because of the sketchy people you have encountered, the weird men and manosphere bubbles you encountered on the internet, and you were doubting your own judgement as well as ability to have a healthy and happy relationship. I want to say that you found a safe person despite all that and that you have done so much work both independentally through journalling, therapy, meditating, and self inquiry to where this relationship has been incredibly smooth. You did manage to make friends in college and you were able to study abroad. Those were really good experiences for you and you grew a lot. You also travelled quite a bit after college as well. You're still figuring out some elements of how to navigate friendship in adulthood but you're still in a pretty good spot. You have a ton of money saved up and you're financially stable and responsible. You have gotten a couple of promotions at work as well. And yes, you have had challenges since then and the world is still in a messed up place, but you're navigating that in a much more level headed way. You are still capable of being cordial with your parents but you do still keep quite a bit of distance from them. Yes, this was hard to deal with emotionally and I know you were thinking about going no contact, but you found boundaries and ways of dealing with them in a way that works for you. And honestly, getting your own place was a huge piece to that puzzle. You're still figuring things out in your life, but you have come a long way. Everything is going to be alright. I think reading this journal was in interesting experience. I'm really thankful that I captured a moment in my life so completely in that journal. Reading it felt so familiar and so jarringly different at the same time. It felt familiar in the sense that I don't have a radically different world view when you compare my writing from 2021 to 2026. It's not like I went from being a red pill guy to a feminist. But when I was reading the posts there, I found myself thinking *oh that's when I came up with that conclusion/ had that insight* when I came across things that feel like common sense to me now. I also feel like there is this overanalyzing/ anxious part of my personality that shines through my writing both in 2021 and 2026. I have a lot of the same values and same degree of depth that I look at the world around me. Like reading this journal felt like I was tracking my sense making process in real time because of the way that my writing took me back to 2021. I still largely feel the same way in this post. I would make a few tweaks regarding what I'm aspiring towards because I think my values manifest a little differently now. But my values and the things that bring me joy and fulfillment are largely the same 5 years later: While I feel like the sense making part of my brain is the same, the parts about the journal that feel jarringly different include my emotional state/ wellbeing, my life circumstances, and the amount of life experience I have had since then. My job, though stressful and frustrating at times, is no where near as stressful as my college years during the pandemic. I am no where near suicidal, I'm not having panic attacks, I can fulfill most of my adult responsibilities on a regular basis, and I have some time to breathe on a day to day basis. Socially, I'm in a much better place platonically and romantically. And I am so thankful for my opportunities to travel, gain work experience, and gain a sense of independence in living on my own. And I have a HUGE sense of gratitude for having my own apartment and having financial stability. That was a very big game changer in terms of my overall wellbeing on so many levels. On a less positive note, I still found myself thinking I'm still dysfunctional in some ways that is similar to 2021, but that dysfunction manifests a bit differently and much less intensely. I am still socially anxious. The anxiety back then stemmed from a lack of social experience, shame from my life circumstances, and a not so great self image. The anxiety now stems from me being rusty with some social skills and me having uncertainty around adult friendships due to how much the landscape of life changes after you graduate school. I still have trouble seeing myself as the main character and having that sense of outward confidence. But unlike 2021, in 2026 it doesn't inhibit me from doing what I need to do and going after what I want in my life. I am still someone who is in my head a lot and who analyzes things to death. But in 2026, I would say that I'm much more in healthier place regarding stage yellow to where I'm not experiencing a lot of the drawbacks with that stage. And yes, I still feel angsty about the pandemic. Though I feel like I have come a long way since then and it feels like it was a lifetime away, I can still see the ways it altered my development and the socialization of the people around me. Things are still pretty weird socially, politically, and economically. With all that being said and considering the stuff in my life I'm trying to figure out, I have a few questions for 31 year old me: How are you? Where are you in your life? Do we still live in Dallas? Are we still with him? How are your friendships going? What are your feelings around parenthood? What has happened in the world since 2026? Did things calm down at all or did things just get crazier?

I think the way people travel and why can vary a lot. Some people travel to relax, lie on a beach, or stay in a resort for a few days. Some people travel to widen their perspective. For some, travel is escapism, for others, it's a form of education. A lot of it has to do with what people value and what experiences people seek out. I've seen situations where people act super well traveled but even though they have been to 20+ countries, they're still closed minded, their trips were glorfied international benders, or their style of travel is just an extention of their consummerism. I agree. I have also met a ton of people who have learned a lot from their travels and have gotten new perspectives from the different cultures and histories they have interacted with. Plus, travelling can also be a good way to break from your routine and rewire old patterns you have had by going to a different setting for a little bit. I remember growing up, since my parents liked to travel domestically, they took me on a bunch of trips to see various sites around the U.S. and tie it back to what I was learning in school. Some of the most memorable trips include when we went to Hawaii to check out the volcanos, when we went to Gettysburg to learn about the Civil War, and when we went to various sites across New Mexico that preserved the dwellings and ways of life for Native Americans. Most of the trips my family did involved a full itinerary where we were out and about all day or driving around. We mainly stayed at kind of sketchy motels, ate breakfast at the motel, and then had an early dinner to keep costs low.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelgoldstein/2024/02/22/women-love-to-travel-men-not-so-much/ I saw a number of sources talking about how women are travelling solo more than ever. I'm a little iffy about the stats because some articles say that 60% of solo travellers are women while other articles say the number is as high as 85%. The common reason that is cited as to why this is the case is because women have more freedom now and since women were more restricted in the past, women see travelling as more of an empowering thing to do on their own and celebrate the freedom they have now. But as I was reading these articles, rather than wondering why there are so many women travel, I was wondering why men don't travel as much. Granted this is anecdotal experience, but in my family in my generation, I noticed the women traveled alone more often and are more well travelled. I have also noticed something similar in my social circle as well and this is true in my romantic relationship. I have travelled internationally numerous times and I have gone to about 26 out of 50 states in the US. My boyfriend on the other hand never traveled abroad and doesn't really care to unless he was with me or with family. I think a lot of it has to do with our personal life experiences regarding our difference in the way we view travel. He mentioned that the type of travel that he was exposed to growing up wasn't a super engaging form of travel. Either they would visit family or lay on the beach. His dad did frequently travel internationally but it was only for work. He mentioned that prior to listening to my travel experiences and the way I experienced travel growing up, to him travel seemed much more passive in a recreational context or something that had to be done for a specific utility such as visiting friends and family or for work. While my boyfriend isn't a super hustle culture kind of person, as we were brainstorming, we were thinking that a lot of guys think that if there isn't a specific utility for travel, it's seen as pointless. Like I wouldn't be surprised if some guys fall into the mindset of travel being this frivolous thing that wastes time and money that could otherwise be used to further their financial and career goals since men put more weight on that regarding their sense of self. I later talked to a guy friend who is really into travel and who comes from similar experiences as myself. His reasoning was that women tend to value adventure and whimsy more then men and that a lot of men struggle with being in their own company and genuinely enjoying that regarding exploring their inner world and introspecting. I pointed out that often times, people think that the stereotypes between men and women are reversed compared to what he thinks and then we discussed how a lot of stereotypes between men and women are flipping compared to what they were about 25 years ago. Like for example, I remember in the 90s and early 2000s there was a whole trope telling women to not mention or bring up how much they want marriage and kids because then it will scare the men away and you won't be the cool girl. But now, men are more likely to want things like marriage and kids while women are hesitant. Single women are also outpacing men when it comes to homeownership as well as in terms of getting a higher education. Since this is a male dominated forum, I was wondering what y'all think.

Experiencing My 20s during the 2020s This video came up on my recommended and I found myself relating to this more than expected. Sure, my life isn't as chaotic as a literal war breaking out in my home soil, but I do feel like I have been living through quite a chaotic period of history. The thing that feels disorienting but also grounding is the way that regular life interweaves itself between these big historical, unprecedented events. I wrote about this before: The video starts with explaining how "The city became empty. War became the background noise of everyday life. Plans disappeared. And suddenly, everything felt unfamiliar." I have written in the past how the vibe has never "returned to normal" after COVID, how people aren't as social, and how people, particularly young people are being socialized weird. Everyone is just going through it and it's kind of hard to regularly be a part of each others lives and make plans with people when most people are being over worked and under paid. The various forms of chaos does feel like background noise to everyday life whether that be regarding ICE terrorizing people, the Epstein files getting released, the gradual enshittification of everything around me, and more. Like I can see the videos coming out of Gaza as I'm writing emails at work. There is an element of desensitization that occurs from constant chaos and the expectation to carry on as if nothing is happening. And all of these things also contribute to this feeling of unfamiliarity. I have memories of a more stable time and I have a concept of what life after college was like pre-pandemic, but that's all I have, memories and a concept. And they don't match up with what's going on right now. But those memories and concept is still more than what some people have whether that is because of the severity of their situation or because they are too young to remember much before the Trump administration. The video continues. "We learned fast. How to tape the windows. People still found ways to be creative. Stored canned food in the kitchen. Ready meals and extra waters in case the power went out. And the explotions kept going. Every conversation ended with "did you hear the news?" While I'm not here literally taping windows and storing unperishable foods, I do feel like due to the chaos around me, I feel compelled to be mindful of my spending and consumption. I do know basic safety precautions regarding protests. I am protecting my information and doing what I can to evade mass surveillance. I think in recent years I have been focused much more about the practicality, sustainability, and responsibility of my decisions over doing things out of imagination, fantasy, impulse, and creativity. Part of it might be me getting older. But I do think that a large chunk of it is also the chaos around me. I think it's seen as expected to take risks , do big things, and live life to your fullest in your 20s. You travel. You live alone. You're always out with friends and you're dating constantly. You're trying new jobs and moving to new cities. And don't get me wrong, those things still happen because life doesn't stop even when shit hits the fan and regular life interweaves through the chaos. But young people these days broadly speaking are more likely to live with their parents well into their 20s, they're having less sex, they're hanging out with people less, and people are more pratical about getting a job as opposed to their dream job according to what they studied. I think the way that this video is shot, the way that the silence feels eerie but also comforting, safe, and a breeding ground for slow living and mindfulness is a good depiction of the day to day life in my 20s. This depiction is much closer to the reality of my 20s compared to the stories that I have heard from older adults who would party, sleep in til 12, and be out til 2 am even on the week days when they were in their 20s since they had more time and energy to be wilding out as their 20s occured in a more stable time politically and economically. And as I'm finding more responsible and sustainable ways to live to find stability and grounding in my own life, the chaos still keeps going on. And current events are a common topic of conversation with my friends as we try to give each other space to vent and as we try to process things / make sense of things together. Then the video discusses day to day life. "The internet was gone. I lost my main job, and couldn't even stay active on YouTube. So suddenly, I had nowhere to go, nothing to work on, too much time to think. Making tea constantly just to feel like time was still moving. Morning tea. Afternoon tea. Late night tea. The TV stayed on all day. Switching channels again and again. At night, everything felt heavier. Sometimes the explosions sounded so close. Sometimes they were massive. Thankfully, I still have my job and some semblance of stable employment. But that's not the reality for most people I know regardless of how accomplished or hardworking they are. Some times I feel like I'm playing a game of musical chairs where the chairs are jobs and the people around me are getting out in each round and I'm wondering how tf I still have a chair and how it's probably inevitable that I might lose my chair soon as well. And yeah, I have seen how unemployment can effect people in terms of messing with their routines and giving them too much time to think. Like sure it's hard to push through work when you have a million things happening out there in the world. But it's also hard not having work to occupy you from the million things happening or give you some structure in your day. The way that the creator describes making tea and watching TV all day while switching through the channels makes me think of how much the wellness trends sky rocketed during and after the pandemic as people are trying to find routines to ground them. And while I'm not watching TV, that part just reminded me of my doom scrolling and me watching various content creators like Vaush comment on what's going on. While I'm not dealing with literal explotions outside, sometimes what I do see feel heavier and things hit close to home in terms of the way it's affecting the people around me. I know people who are struggling to find work. I know people whose education was disrupted due to funding being revoked. I know people who have family in Palestine who were killed. I know people who were tear gassed during the Black Lives Matter protests. I know people who lost their loved ones to COVID or who are suffering from the effects of long COVID. I know people who were a connection or two away from victims of gun violence and mass shootings. And of course, it's very human for things to emotionally feel heavier at night as you're processing everything that is going on. The tone shifts. "But somehow, light always finds its way back. Home felt safest. So we stayed inside. Doing ordinary things like cooking mostly light meals because I didn't have the energy to work out during the war. Painting became my favorite escape. After a while, your body stops reacting to the sounds. You hear the sound. You pause for a second. Then continue what you were doing. It's strange what humans can get used to isn't it." I think this is another example of trying to ground yourself in day to day mundane activities and maintaining basic functioning. There are times when I'm not on top of healthy habits like working out due to the way that my mental energy gets depleated with everything going on. But I find other ways to ensure I'm taking care of myself. I think it's also good to engage in healthier forms of escapism and hobbies as well to regulate your emotions and process what's happening. Rather than painting, it's writing and learning about different cultures for me. And yes, it's strange on what people can get used to. That's both in the sense of being resilient and having healthy ways of dealing with things but also in the sense of desensitization and apathy. The video continued. "Then, somewhere in the middle of all of this, spring arrived. The trees didn't know there was a war. They bloomed anyway. Rain started falling again. Soft spring light filled the house. And somehow, Nowruz arrived too. The very old new year celebration for Iranians. So we set the Haft-Seen table with 7 things that start with the letter S in Persian. Tried to create tiny moments of happiness by little things. Not because everything was okay. I think people need small beautiful things to survive difficult days." I feel like this is a good depiction of various holidays that come up during chaotic times. New Years have come and gone, and so have Valentines Day, the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And of course there are still birthdays, weddings, and various other celebrations. The seasons change and special occasions still happen. They don't negate what's going on and you don't forget or get distracted, but it is a way to give yourself a break. And in addition to that, I do try to create small moments of happiness in the form of mindfulness throughout the day even outside of special occasions. The video then wrapped up with "We mostly stayed home. And honestly, since everything became very expensive, instead of going to cafes, we mostly made coffee at home. But spring outside was impossible to ignore. The weather became softer. The days became longer. And after staying inside for so long, sometimes we just needed to leave the house for an hour. So we visited nearby places. Met friends, talked about life for a while. And sometimes, between all the fear and uncertainty, there were still beautiful scenes. Because even during the darkest days, life finds small ways to remind you it's still worth living. The war isn't over yet. Neither is life." In addition to being mindful, engaging in hobbies, not shutting yourself off from joy in special occasions, doing what you can to take care of yourself and process things, it's also good to force yourself out of the house sometimes and socialize. It can be expensive. I feel like I spend $20 everytime I leave my place. So while I'm not doing it super often, I am going out enough to ensure I don't go crazy, whether craziness is in the form of being cooped up in my apartment, or in the form of being overly frugal and survival oriented. Basically, I think this section highlights the overall importance of this whole video which is to go touch grass.

Choosing Parenthood According to My Values I did Leo's life purpose course a while back where I had to define my top 10 values. That list has been a good tool in terms of keeping me grounded, in terms of helping me identifying what I need to be changing in my life to have a sense of fulfillment, and in terms of guiding me through difficult choices where I felt conflicted. I did a post about me trying to decide what I do about my family relationships as well as what to do regarding plastic surgery according to how they align with my values: So here is how I'm analyzing the stance 'Yes I should be a parent": Authenticity: IDK I think after journaling about this for a while that I'm at a place at this moment where I need more life experience before making a decision like this. I feel like I need to travel around more and find more of a sense of community/friendship/ belonging before my desires become clear to me. Part of me thinks that if I travel around and have more of a sense of community that I will want to be a parent because my desire is coming from a healthy and constructive place of wanting to share an already fulfilling life with someone. But another part of me thinks that if I travel around and have more of a sense of community, that my desire to be a parent might wane since I have created a more fufilling life for myself. Awareness: IDK I feel like I need to find out whether my desire to be a parent is authentic to me or not before I can answer yes or no to this. I feel like parenthood can make you more conscious if you genuinely want it but it can make you less conscious if it was pushed on you and you didn't think things through. Justice/Truth: N/A I'm not moralizing the act of reproducing. I also think that I am capable of being a good parent. I think the timing of having a kid in today's climate is questionable and whether or not it's an ethical decision is up for debate depending on a number of factors. Empathy: Aligned I feel drawn to parenthood because I want to guide someone through life and I want to expand my capacity of empathy. I'm intrigued by how people grow and develop and I would love to be a part of that. I would love to get to know a kid for who they are and experience life through their eyes and their experiences Joy: IDK The thing that makes this a difficult decision is because I can imagine a joyful life either way. Peace: IDK On one hand the lack of peace seems temporary once you adjust to parenthood and so long as your kid isn't a screamer. So I can still imagine having a sense of peace of mind even when I'm a parent. But also, I can see situations where being a parent and having responsibility over a kid would also multiply any stressor I might have in my life. Creativity: N/A Connecting with people: Aligned I care about stepping into a mentorship type role to the people around me including kids which is one of the attractive parts of being a parent. I think part of it is because I am growing up and I want to hold myself to a higher standard in my community. I don't know if this means that parenthood is the way I would want to fulfill this role, but it is something I am considering. I also care about creating, maintaining, and nurturing long term relationships and I think becoming a parent is about as long term as it can get. Learning: Aligned I feel like I would learn a lot through parenthood about people, kids, and the over all human experience. Freedom: Not Aligned Ok, this might sound contradictory since a lot of people see parenthood as a restrictive thing because of all of the things you will need to take into consideration when you have a child. And I did as well at one point. But I feel like as I get older and I get more life experience, I don't feel like parenthood will mean losing my freedom because I will have done most of what I wanted to do before the restrictions get placed onto me. In other words, I see parenthood as restrictive like there are boundaries around my life, but I don't see it as something robbing me of my freedom like shackles. So while I can see the choice for pursuing parenthood as aligned for freedom, I think I will have to go with not aligned regarding where I'm at with my life right now. At the same time, I feel like going back to the point I made on Peace, I feel like if I were to be in a messed up life situation, the logistics around the kid and parenthood can be a big limitting factor. And that does concern me macro. In the micro, I do like having my own schedule and flexibility. I like being able to go to the coffee shop whenever I want, have a late night, have a weird eating schedule etc. Totals: IDK: 4 N/A: 2 Aligned: 3 Not Aligned: 1 At this time, I feel like I'm leaning towards a yes but I think that might be because my brain is focusing on the 3 items that are aligned and the 1 that isn't. I think it's important that I consider that I am scoring a 4 in the IDK category meaning there is a good amount of exploration that needs to be done and life experience that needs to be acquired. So while I am leaning yes, that doesn't mean it's a definitive yes and that I should make decisions in my life accordingly because of the number of IDKs.

The Best Case Scenario Lately, I have been in a brighter mindset where motherhood doesn't seem like all doom and gloom. Like I feel like if I had a good amount of preparation and a dash of good luck in life that being a mother might not seem all that bad. I have been watching some videos of women who had their kid in their mid 30s with proper planning and consideration to where you can tell they REALLY thought about having a kid. The best case scenario for parenthood is if I have my kid in my mid 30s or later. I am financially stable and able to handle most things. I have a supportive partner who is an active parent. I have a village in the form of friends. We live in a walkable city. I have lived my life to the fullest prior to having this kid. I am physically fit with no health issues. Pregnancy, labor, and post partum, though difficult, are relatively smooth. Sure the first 3 years is hell but I am able to maintain an active lifestyle because my kid is energetic, I have my own hobbies that I either share with my kid or I do on my own to have time to myself. I am far enough in my career to where I can take a step back and ask for accommodations without it risking opportunities. My kid sees me as someone who has a life outside of the home, who has their own identity in addition to being a mother, who has an amazing relationship with their dad, who is self sufficient careerwise and financially, and who has a social life that turns into a sense of community for them as well. My partner is alive during their entire childhood. We are financially stable. And my child doesn't have any severe disabilities that would prevent them from typical developmental milestones or prevent them from having basic autonomy. They don't see a woman who is stressed out and doesn't have time for themselves. They don't see a woman who is only reduced to being a mother. They don't see a woman who is trapped by her own circumstances into a marriage. Rather, they have a good trusted role model who is guiding them through life and who is a safe person to go to. They see an adult who has a lot of their life figured out and who they can go to for advice rather than a woman in her early 20s who is just trying to figure out how to be an adult. As for what kind of kid I want. I want one child. That child can be of either gender but personally I prefer a girl because I feel like if I had a boy, I would REALLY have to lock in. I would want this kid to have structure in their early years and outlets to run around so that they are less likely to act out. I would want them to be multilingual and gain those language skills from the way my partner and I talk to the kid and the media they are exposed to. I would want them to have minimal screen time so that they have the time to be bored and cultivate their own interests. I would want to have a kid who is confident and isn't afraid to talk back and assert themselves even if it's inconvenient for me. I don't want a kid who will be blindly obedient rather I want to teach them over time so that they can build their own understanding. I would want to raise them gender neutral and expose them to both "girl" and "boy" toys and books so that they don't feel limitted and so that they can relate to all genders. Yes, I want to read a princess book to my son and have him play with dolls because I think that can also help his social and emotional development so that he sees girls as full and complete people and that he is socialized to value relationships and empathy the same way girls are based on the media they consume and the way they play. I would want to take them to the library once a week to get books for the rest of the week for bed time stories and for the day time when they are free. I want to encourage them to have an open mind and to have a positive association with learning. I want to include them in house hold activities whether that means they can watch me cook from a far or have them pitch in with a few chores around the household. I want them to grow up to be educated, responsible, kind, considerate, and confident regardless of what path they choose in life or how their personality develops. I want to give the kid solid access to opportunities and make sure that my finances and retirement are in order so that I won't be overly reliant on them when they're older and have their own life. I know I said I want to raise them in a walkable community but I also want to raise them in a relatively diverse area so that they are exposed to a wide variety of people. Yes I want them to have a good education, but I don't want it to be at the cost of them being in some kind of bougie private school where they're only around wealthy (and often predominantly white) kids. I want them to have a healthy realtionship with their own culture and travel to visit their extended family abroad about once every 2 years. Speaking of travel, I also want to take them on little trips domestically in the U.S. based on what they are learning in school (take them to Pennsylvania when they are learning about Gettysburg and the Civil War, or take them to Hawaii when they are learning about volcanos). Lowkey, I would want a gay kid. I grew up around a lot of queer kids and I myself am a little queer. So I think that would be nice to have in common with my kid. And also, that means I wouldn't have to worry about teen preganancy. But I hope that by the time my kid is old enough to know they are gay that society would have progressed far enough to where they don't need to go through the process of coming out to me and instead can just treat being queer as a basic and mundane thing. I also sometimes imagine sharing various stories from my youth, especially since I travel a lot, with my kid. I imagine telling them what I have encountered and gone through as well as all the types of people I have come across. I imagine having difficult conversations with them regarding things they are encountering in their lives and being able to relate to that because I have a wealth of life experience.

Stage Yellow Lonliness I wrote this 6 years ago (funny enough almost to the day): I dealt with a lot of lonliness in my late teens and very early 20s (like from the ages of 17 to 21) because of the amount of self development work I did, various life circumstances that made me grow up faster than my peers, and because I was at the infancy of moving into stage yellow. Later, I decided to put spirituality to the side because I started jumping into things prematurely and I thought it would be good for me to work on basic socialization so that I have some good relationships and that my baseline survival needs were being met. In order to pursue healthy relationships, I decided to opt to building relationships with people who had a good integration of both orange and green as opposed to seeking out people at yellow. I did this because I thought it would be more realistic considering it's a rarity for people in their very early 20s to be at stage yellow and I didn't want to be isolated. So that's what I did from ages 21 to 25. Hanging out with people who have well integrated orange and green was preferrable to people who were mostly in green with a weak orange or people who were orange with a weak/early stage green. The toxicity of the person who was mostly green with weak orange often falls under the archetype of the type of person who has good values and leftist politics but also cannot do basic life things like hold down a job, have a basic sense of discipline so they aren't eating chicken nuggies all day, and doesn't have the best interpersonal skills in terms of managing their life in tandem with their social obligations. Another archetype of someone who is mostly green with weak orange is the free range hippy who means well but then falls into various wellness fads and then starts talking shit about vaccines since they don't understand science and they are falling prey to conspiracy theories because they don't know how the world works. Then there is a certain kind of toxity from people who are mainly orange with a weak/early stage green. I feel like these are the people who talk about stage green ideals but they don't really mean what they say and it doesn't pan out in their day to day actions. And most of the time, their stage orange tendencies shine through much more strongly to where I personally have trouble connecting to them on a personal level even though I can socialize with them. I feel like I talk about both groups more in depth in the post below: I would say that the people who are well integrated to orange and green tend to avoid the most common pitfalls and that in the past, it was a good alternative to being around stage yellow people. But now, I'm seeing limitations of this as well. I never saw a well integrated orange/green and someone who is firmly at stage yellow as the same but the difference in my personal life is becoming more prominant now. I feel like in times of stress, some well integrated orange/green people drop back down to orange. I also think that this group of people can fall into prey to a lot of progressive washing conservative ideals. Like I said in the post above: And while my friends aren't falling for the trad wife craziness, the conspiracy theories, and the crunchy pipeline, I do feel like I have done a good job in making sure my friends don't accidentally find themselves on those paths. I will credit that part of it is that I'm able to see how stage blue, orange, and green are interacting with each other and how to parse out each stage in the content that I'm consuming. But I feel like there is a certain lonliness about being right too early. Like what you have to say goes over peoples heads to a certain extent and they never fully see you and your perspective. But then, once they arrive to the conclusion themselves much later on, instead of thinking *I told you so haha*, you think *damn, you could have avoided this whole nonsense and our relationship didn't have to take a hit like this.* Sometimes the hit in question is head on conflict but often times, the hit in question is having to give people space and drift apart so they can go on their own journies and just hope they will come back to you some day. Rather than thanking the person who was early, sometimes there is a resentment and shame that is built up in the party of those who finally caught up. I think there is also a lonliness in having these complex thoughts that people don't understand (or their attention spans are too shot to understand) where you just feel like the conspiracy theory meme: I think it's easier for me to have more casual friendships wherever I go because I have a base line of social competence and likability. But it feels like an up hill climb to turn those into long term friendships because I feel like there is some fundamental level that I don't click with people on and people end up either stagnating or growing in a totally different direction from me. I think part of it might also be me living in Dallas. I feel like I've tried my whole life to fit in here or find some semblance of belonging. And don't get me wrong, I do find people to be friends with along the way. But I have always felt odd here. I have a friend who recently moved to New York City and another who recently moved to Boston and they seem to be having an easier time making friends. They're both leftists and sure both cities have their flaws, but in some ways, there is more alignment there with the general population there whereas to find alignment in Dallas, you do have to go out of your way. I always felt like I was on an up hill climb when it comes to friendships. Part of me doesn't mind it because I think I got some great social muscles from that climb. But also, I get tired and I wonder if I really need a change of scenary. It's kind of like if I spent years trying to look like Bella Hadid. Sure I might have gotten some good workout habits, eating habits, and improved my over all fitness from the journey. But in the end, I will never look like Bella Hadid because I'm like a foot shorter than her and significantly curvier (let's say if I ever did a diet or exercise routine that would cause me to lose my titties, that's a bad sign and I will probably need to be hospitalized). It's not anything I'm doing. it's a matter of structure. Similarly, I could do everything right socially but if I'm in the wrong environment around the wrong people, there is only so much I can do in that situation. And I guess the rebuttal to this is that *well, there aren't any countries or states that are mainly stage yellow.* And yeah.. that sucks. But at least moving in some places can mitigate the whole *I'm right too early* feeling. I don't know what the solution is here. I'm just thinking.

Annoying People in the Travel Niche I have been doing some research for some upcoming trips I want to do and as a result, I'm interacting with a lot of travel related content. I feel like under the travel umbrella, there are a number of different niches and communities that are all very different from each other. And I think it boils down to people having different travel styles, different reasons as to why they travel, and different logistics around travelling as well. Some of these circles are hella annoying lol and I want to write about that. 1. The Luxury Traveler: I would characterize this as the group of people who spend a lot of money on hotels, often emphasize resorts, who spend a lot of money before the trip even begins, and spends a shit ton of money on tours. I wrote about this niche more in a previous post: These people usually focus their content on Europe, Asia, and the Carribbean. Their content isn't always exhorbitantly expensive, sometimes it's cheap. But it's in a developing country where the USD and Euro go much further (think of the influencers that go to Bali and talk about 5 star hotels only being $80 a night). My issue with experiences like this is the implications around how the locals are being affected and how this exasserbates issues in the global south. In my opinion, it's fucked up to be enjoying a 5 star hotel experience when the workers probably aren't earning a living wage and the locals are struggling to get by because the tourism industry gobbled all the other industries up to where now, the place is a shell of what it used to be and is catered around people with money. I wrote about the colonial implications in the post above as well as how for some people, travel is just an extention of their overconsumption. I'm not opposed to spending money and splurging here and there so long as it makes sense for my budget and I feel like I'm getting my money's worth out of it (like I'm not going to spend $500 on a hotel knowing I'm just going to sleep in there and be outside like 90% of my waking time there). I just want to make sure that I'm approaching travel in a responsible and ethical matter that allows me to enjoy myself but not at the expense of others as much as I can help it. I feel like the luxury travel niche can be a good place for inspo at times but generally speaking, it should be taken with a huge grain of salt regarding ethics and budgets. 2. The Enlightened Traveler: This is the group of people who believe that travel gave them a new perspective on life and now they're making their whole personality the trip that they took. I think there is a more and a less annoying version of this. The less annoying version of this is people who genuinely travel to learn and expand their perspectives and they got something out of it. The more annoying version of this is the person who either has a giant ego about the places they have been to and as a result, they think they are better than the people who didn't travel as much, OR the person who thinks they are this enlightened, cultured person for going to so many places when really, they didn't challenge themselves one bit. Like no Jason, you're not cultured, you're just an alcoholic who went on a 1 month bender where you went clubbing in 20 different European countries. I wrote about this in the post linked above but I think it can exist in a less extreme version where you just exist in the ecosystem of tourists. I saw this comment under a Youtube video a while back. I referenced this in the linked post but I'm including it here because it's relevant: I would also say that a lot of country counters fall under this umbrella as well. Country counters are basically people who try to visit as many new countries as possible. Often times, these people have a quantity over quality mindset where they don't ever want to delve into a country, revist a country, or they say they've been to a country when really they just had a 3 hour lay over. Most of the country counters I encounter in this niche are usually people who backpacked around Europe since it's easier to skadaddle around different countries in a short period of time there. I find it annoying when someone is like *oh I'm super well travelled, I've been to 10 countries* and all of those countries are in Europe. Let's say you have two people who have gone to 5 countries each. Person A went to the UK, the Netherlands, Belgium, France, and Luxemburg. Person B went to Spain, Brazil, Kenya, Japan, and Iran. I would consider Person B to be more well travelled overall more so than Person A even though they went to the same number of countries. I would still give credit to Person A to being more well travelled in Europe specifically but I think that Person B has more of a diversity of experiences and is more well rounded in terms of different places they have been to. I'm not trying to downplay the list of countries Person A went to but there isn't as much of a difference between Netherlands and Belgium as there is between Brazil and Kenya. Also, on a similar note, if you're from a large, diverse country like the U.S., India, Brazil, or China, I would argue that you can be well travelled without leaving your home country. You can have a wealth of experiences by interacting with the variety of people in these countries or by travelling to the myraid of landscapes and biomes your country has. Someone from the UK would have to go to Morocco to experience a dessert for the first time near them. My ass can drive to Arizona and get a similar vibe in terms of climate and landscape. In most major U.S. cities, you can get food from different countries and have it taste good and legit. By living in Dallas, I can get good Mexican food, good Indian food, and good Italian food in the same day without hassel. That's not something you can say about most places in the world. In India, you have so many different cultures, customs, religions, and people from a variety of walks of life from living in big cities, to living in more isolated tribes. As far as Spiral Dynamics goes, I think India, while mostly Blue/ Orange, has large elements of the whole spiral there. I have people in my life that either never left the U.S. or India or if they did, they just went to 2-3 countries, and some of those people are more well educated and more cultured than a lot of people under this enlightened traveller umbrella. 3. The "Live Like a Local" Traveller: These are the people who get all pretentious about what you chose to do in your trip. Usually, they have the hipster attitude about not wanting to do certain things because they're too mainstream and touristy. Sometimes, they're like the opposite of the country counter where they don't think you can get a good experience of a country without spending 3 or more weeks there. I touched on this in the linked post: I see the validity around some of their points, especially when it comes to getting sucked into consummerist traps as well as how you don't REALLY know a place until you have visted a few times or for an extended period of time. I kind of view travelling to different countries like meeting new people and having interesting conversations. Whereas, living in a place like if you studied abroad there for a few months, moved their for work for an extended period of time, or you settled there in your travels for a few months is more like becoming friends with people as opposed to just meeting them and having a good conversation. I'll use South Korea as an example. South Korea is kind of like the party friend who is fun to be around, who knows all the cool fashions and cafes, and you can generally have a good time. But, if you try to get to know them deeper, that's when you discover the toxicity and the dysfunction around this friend and the ways that they treat other people behind closed doors. South Korea is a fun place to visit, but due to a number of social issues and economic problems, it's not the best place to settle down in and a lot of native Koreans have to deal with the problems there. Continuing on the making friends vs meeting people analogy, while making friends and deepening connections, or in this case, committing to a couple of countries and taking the time to learn about them, is the ideal, you can still learn a lot by simply meeting a lot of people and having good conversations, or in this case by visiting a lot of countries. The later can still significantly open your mind and introduce you to new perspectives. And I think the whole *you need to be somewhere for a longer period of time to experience a place* can be pretty shortsided in terms of not taking into consideration of the logistics travellers experience. Like unless you're a college student on summer vacation, a student who had the means to save up for a gap year, a travel influencer, someone with a trust fund, or someone who has a very generous PTO program with their work place, staying in one place for a while doesn't really make sense. I remember once stumbling upon a section of the internet where Europeans were making fun of Americans being like crackhead travellers since Americans are usually running around trying to see the entireity of Italy in one week and squeeze in everything into their itinerary. The conversation then evolved into talking about how most Americans don't have a lot of PTO and the little they do have usually goes to using them during the holidays to visit their families. So as a result, they don't have the luxury to meander about Italy in their once in a decade trip. I also know for me and my needs/ desires that while I do like travelling, if I'm just bouncing around places for more than 4 weeks, I start to get fed up. Or if I'm staying put in a place for longer than 4 months that's not my home country without the intention of settling there, I start to get a little antsy. I have the stamina for travelling for a while and dealing with the logistics of travel to where I can probably handle a job that has a lot of travel requirements since I'm not travelling to relax, I'm not travelling for escapism, and I'm not travelling for novelty. As a result, the whole *save a ton of money, quit your job, and travel for a year* move doesn't really make sense for me. And going back to the meeting people vs making friends example, you can become friends with people and not really know a lot about them or have real ass conversations with them and just get lulled into a rhythm or sense of familiarity. Nothing wrong with that, but let's not conflate the length of a friendship with the quality of growth you get out of it or how deep that friendship is. Similarly, you can have a drawn our visit to a country and not engage with it deeply. Or you can go for a short period of time and get a lot out of that trip in the same way that meeting someone and having a few conversations can still be incredibly impactful in your life. For me personally, since I have some time retraints with the places I'm going to, while I cannot do everything in a country, I try to do what is the most meaningful to me and what I think are the heavy hitters in terms of getting to know a country and their culture. If I really want to do a second trip in the future to go in more depth, I can do that. 4. The Sex Tourist: I was thinking of leaving this one out because this isn't something that annoys me. To say it annoys me is to downplay how it infuriates me. I was also going to label this as being a passport bro, but I went with sex tourist because 1. while men are the main demographic that does this, women can also be creeps and 2. passport bro doesn't sound as bad as being a sex tourist and I feel like the term passport bro is a euphemism. I don't think I need to elaborate much here. It's a gross exercise of power dynamics and it's dehumanizing to entire groups of people. I'm just putting this here because I have encountered people who think this way and as someone who cares about travel, I want to distance myself from this group as much as I can. Also, I can't help but think that a lot of red pill men who believe that women who solo travel are whores who are sleeping around is just them projecting what they would do in a situation where they were travelling alone since they have a misogynistic world view and they would engage in that type of dehumanization if they were to go abroad. Like no, I'm not going to Vietnam to sleep around. I have a list of museums, landscapes, historical sites, and food to try. Men and dating are the last thing on my mind, especially as someone travelling alone since safety can also be a concern and I'm not about to run off with some strange men to have sex in a foriegn country where no one would know if I went missing. 5. The Extreme Budget Tourist: I love getting good deals on trips and managing my money so that I can travel but also meet my other financial goals. I love finding ways to make travel more accessible to people so that it's not being gatekept by a pay wall. I think it can be a common misconception in the U.S. that to travel Europe that it has to be something that you have to save like $10,000 for. You can get flights for cheap by using airline miles. You can stay in hostels instead of hotels. You can get cheaper and better food by avoiding tourist traps. You can get a good deal by planning your own logistics instead of getting an expensive tour. And you can save a shit ton of money just by using public transport. You can travel to Europe in a sustainable way. However, when I am talking about the annoying extreme budget tourist, I'm not talking about the above. I'm talking about the person who sacrifices their baseline well being and safety just to save some money. I'm talking about the person who goes to developing countries, does a tour of the slums, then eats something questionable on purpose, and complains about the country and food poisoning for the remainder of the time. Personally, whenever I find travel influencers, I use the way that they talk about and approach places like India as a good litmus test on how much I should trust them. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that India is a developing country and that the standard of living is not the same as a developed country. However, there is something wrong with purposefully going out of your way to show the worst version of life in a country, portray it as if that's the only way people live, and give yourself the worst experience possible when you have the means to have a better experience by paying slightly more. No one told you to go into the questionable motel that's like $10 a night in the sketchy part of the city. You could've had a much better experience and still had a budget friendly trip by spending $60 a night. Instead of reaching for the grossest street vendor, you could've gone to another street vendor with better quality control on food and had a much better experience for slightly more money. I'm also talking about the westerners that feel the need to haggle for everything in developing countries. I know that in some places that negotiating is the norm and it's part of the custom for buying things so you taking part of it is kind of like you participating in that culture. Sometimes you gotta do that to avoid getting upcharged by an exhorbitant amount just because you're a foreigner. However, I think it can cross the line when it comes off as entitlement in situations where you're arguing over buying a ceramic bowl for $2 as opposed to $3, even though in local currency, that $1 USD might be a jump. Like that $1 isn't going to make that big of a difference in your budget, your American ass will be fine. The vendor on the other hand is just trying to feed their family. Getting pissy about such a small amount of money when you very clearly have the upper hand in terms of power dynamics is giving colonizer. But yeah, despite travelling being a huge part of my life, it's a part of my life I can't be sharing to just anyone because there are plenty of pretentious weirdos out there in the travel niche. I try to keep things low key so that I act like I have some sense, so I don't get disconnected from reality, and so that I can engage with complex topics responsibly. Also, this isn't really a *I'm trying to protect myself from weirdos* thing but it's more of a understanding that just because the people around me like travelling, that doesn't mean that I'm automatically going to click with them or that we should travel together. But I know that my style of travelling doesn't always mesh with those around me. Some people focus on vacationing and relaxing when they travel. Other people do things on a faster pace. Some people want to go with the flow and meander. Others want a more structured itinerary. Some people prioritize the novelty around travel. Others like to a couple of reliable places. Some people budget more on some things over others. Some people focus on nature. Others care more about big cities. Some people travel and have an existential crisis. Others travel to forget about their worries. I can keep going. But it's not the travel that makes people cultured or educates people about the world around them. It's about the way you engage with travel and why you travel. Not all travel is created equally and not everyone has the same relationship to it, for better and for worse. And these niches all exist for a reason and I have gotten some degree of value from each of them despite their clear blindspots (EXCEPT from the sex tourist parts.. yall nasty).

I've been enjoying this guy's videos about travelling to different countries in Africa