Amandine

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  1. Thank you @ajasatya I'll add this great link while I'm here https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/4bz797/practical_stoicism/
  2. Surely there's no reason to break up with her or do anything melodramatic, we're all more or less insecure/"codependent" in our romatic relationships (especially after a fight, lol!) since nobody's perfect and we can't own or control the other person. You obviously want to stay with her and feel safe with her in the future, you might even really love her, so to rebuild the intimacy and trust back between you both, wouldn't it be better right now if you just simply tell her there's something on your mind that makes you feel a bit strange? Tell her you'd just like to have a little chat with her about something, sit down next to her in a quiet room, take her hand in yours if you like, and share in a human-to-human way with her how you feel (that you don't like conflict, and the fight made you realise how much you appreciate her and that you would never want to lose her, that you're really happy with her and want to stay together). This will bring "emotional closure" and a proper healing after the fight. I take it you've both already explained to each other why you were both hurt and put yourself in each other's shoes to understand the hurt caused. Be careful of confusing neediness with vulnerability. It's good to be vulnerable and honest, it's what makes us human. It's by not expressing your need with your loved one that creates neediness. Communication is the key to making all human relationships work, as well as honesty and compromise. In the meantime you can work especially on your self-confidence/deep-down sense of insecurity, which will be a slow on-going process. There are plenty of google articles and youtube videos which can help you (just search on youtube or on google stuff like "stop being needy and insecure" or "tips for men more self confidence" or "How to Stop Feeling clingy and Worrying in a Relationship"). Also affirmations are a good way to feel more secure in a relationship. Every day you can simply repeat to yourself: "I have a loving and supportive partner". "I completely trust my relationship with my partner". "I feel safe and secure in my relationship". "My partner loves me and accepts me for who I am". "I am worthy of love and appreciation". Obviously if being with her goes against your deep-seated values, or if it's a constant on-off relationship and not getting anywhere, or you don't actually love her anymore, then the relationship is over and you must move on. Listen to your heart and do what really resonates the best with you. Things will work out fine, good luck @Askarov Let us know how it goes. Don't hesitate if you need to share more details or information with us so we can better fine-tune our responses.
  3. I love the franglais (French English mix)! You are the one for me For me, for me, formidable You are my love very Very, very, véritable Et je voudrais pouvoir un jour enfin te le dire Te l'écrire Dans la langue de Shakespeare My daisy, daisy Daisy, désirable Je suis malheureux D'avoir si peu de mots À t'offrir en cadeau Darling I love you, love you Darling I want you Et puis c'est à peu près tout You are the one for me For me, for me, formidable You are the one for me For me, for me, formidable But how can you see me See me, see me, si minable Je ferais mieux d'aller choisir mon vocabulaire Pour te plaire Dans la langue de Molière Toi, tes eyes, ton nose Tes lips adorables Tu n'as pas compris Tant pis Ne t'en fais pas et Viens-t'en dans mes bras Darling I love you, love you Darling I want you Et puis le reste on s'en fout You are the one for me For me, for me, formidable Je me demande même Pourquoi je t'aime Toi qui te moques de moi et de tout Avec ton air canaille Canaille, canaille How can I love you ?
  4. I agree with @Nak Khid's pertinent advice. Starting to do some good to make a difference now at a young age will stand you in good stead and make your life rich and fulfilling in many ways, you will feel better about yourself (and who knows will give you good karma, or at least be less of a devil ). With more awareness and growth, the back-patting and vain is-anyone-noticing-me? ego-boosting aspects will fall away. For you to make a contribution, I don't think it would necessarily be that helpful swinging from black-and-white thinking/all-or-nothing reactions that go from planning grandiose schemes (creating your own platform, wanting to control it all, giving away all you got, etc) to the other extreme of running away from it all and suffocating/denying your feelings through escapist activities. There are already so many animal and human rights advocacy groups out there, so you starting a new one may not be that supportive right now. The existing ones struggle as it is, many having to close down after a short while, so could already do with your help. The likelihood of a small, new organization making it versus a larger, established one is slim. Therefore, in most cases the time and money you spend building your own platform could be much more useful in supporting already established groups. You also have to be careful who you donate to as there are some charlatans out there. As for turning a blind eye to it all through video games, etc, you can't unseen what you've seen/unread what you've read, therein depression may lie ahead. To find some good avice, it would help you to just google something like "I can't stand animal cruelty" or "child abuse really disturbs me" or "petitions to end animal abuse", etc. Google is your friend. Try and do something this week, like do some research on how you can have an actual impact, however insignificant. We all feel good about adding compassion to our troubled world and it's really so easy to do, sometimes signing some petitions and joining a local protest. Also talk about your feelings to friends and your entourage, inform others about cruelty, maybe they will be galvanized to help out too? Maybe you can rescue an animal from the local shelter by adopting a pet? Even just becoming a vegetarian (or learn about becoming vegan) may help you manage some of the guilt/depression/anger/helplessness/worthlessness. Any action is an antidote to the feeling of powerlessness and sense of limitation. You will find comfort in seeing that the platforms are already there in place already created, just waiting for people like you to join in and participate. You will find communities already formed among like-minded people like yourself who are also empathic and sensitive but also depressed, angry and/or deeply disturbed by these same issues and with awesome advice and guidance on how you as an individual can make such a significant contribution even if small at the start. You will immediately begin to feel good about yourself deep down knowing you are helping make positive changes in the world. I suggest you also protect yourself from the horrific images and nightmarish stories as much as you can, but do proper research instead on how you can help make the world a better place in a practical realistic way. You can channel some of the suffering you feel about the horrors you have already witnessed by taking action against injustices you see in your daily life. When you see a panting suffering dog stuck in a boiling hot airless car, don't hesitate to do something immediately about that, for example try to set the dog free at once, call for help, film the scene, make a note of the car number and report it, etc. Take a stand. If you have some spare money, do research on the internet on the best charities that manage public donations the best. Even though I'm fortunate to be rich, I personally prefer to live quite economically and minimalistically, and am conscious of the need to reduce my carbon footprint (eg. I do all my shopping/errands by bike instead of owning a car), and give large sums every year to Doctors Without Borders, I'll also be leaving all my wealth to them when I die. At the moment, I'm currently researching on how to give money to animal associations too because I can't live with the animal cruelty and give nothing. I'm not just going to give my money willy nilly to any charity though that asks for it (and they WILL ask from every corner), but to the organizations with the best track record of being accountable and transparent with their financial accounts able to publicly justify where the money is really going, because unfortunately sometimes the money may not be spent as well as it could be, or there is corruption, etc. I'm wondering at the moment whether Peta is one of the best animal charities for me to give to, but I need to do some research first. Know too that a large part of the money you give is normally also deducted from your taxes. For example in my country, 75% of my contribution is paid by the government through tax relief. So by giving 1,000 euros I'm only actually giving 250e since the State is paying the 750e. The limit the State gives here is capped at 2,000 euros a year, so they will pay 2,000e (their maxi amount) if I donate 3,000e. I never "pat myself on the back", or do things for social or peer approval or acclaim, there is instead a sense of "blessedness" in my life that I am doing the right thing, quietly in my corner, and doing as much as I can with the resources I have, knowing that there is also always so much more I can do too. I'm particularly passionate about ending animal abuse because I love them so much, animals have no voice, show us so much unconditional love and rely on us humans so much. Needless to say I have now stopped eating all meat/fish (basically anything with a face), even organic or "humanly farmed meat" (Peta's youtube video shows there is no such thing as "humane meat") and am learning more and more on how to adopt a fully vegan lifestyle. However, I will always have a (rescue) cat in my life (regardless of the fact that the food my cat eats inevitably supports the terrible slaughter house system and there is no alternative, unlike for dogs). I do what I can as an imperfect human. I also help out at my local cat/dog shelter, walking the dogs, contributing blankets, etc. We are voting for our local mayors here soon, my vote is going to the guy who claims to be going to tackle animal welfare and environmental issues. It doesn't make the pain go away at the horror I come across, but it helps with the sense of impotence and utter helplessness that personally for me would be very crippling in my life emotionally and psychologically if were to do nothing and stick my head in the sand instead. I could not have a clear conscience. "Video games" only help so far, one still has to look at oneself in the mirror at the end of the day. I'll leave you with this little easy book from James Allen "As a Man thinketh" that illustrates eloquently how we make ourselves what we are and build our character, how what we think in our hearts create us : http://james-allen.in1woord.nl/?text=as-a-man-thinketh And here is some good advice from google : https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-feel-better-after-seeing-some-animal-cruelty-videos-I-have-tried-everything-I-could-but-I-cant-feel-better-The-videos-just-make-me-sad-and-annoyed-at-knowing-that-there-is-that-kind-of-people (I like for example what "Michelle A Rivera, Certified Animal Cruelty Officer" advises in the above link). She also says The worst thing you can do is to shut down. You will only become more despondent. https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-useful-ways-to-fight-against-animal-cruelty https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-live-in-a-world-with-so-much-animal-cruelty There are tons more on Quora and other sites. https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-deal-with-the-animal-cruelty-in-the-world-and-keep-myself-from-getting-depressed https://www.quora.com/As-a-highly-sensitive-person-and-an-animal-lover-how-do-you-move-on-after-watching-animal-cruelty-videos-I-always-try-to-avoid-such-videos-but-when-I-come-across-it-I-cannot-forget-it-and-I-become-extremely-sad-and All the best @hoherbasti and let us know how you get on.
  5. I love a lot of their songs, these are some of my faves. Love the echoing sound in this one Why do I have to dream of you when I dont wanna dream a lie Not sure they could release a video like that now tho' lol. Love the clippety-clop beat of this one Their early sound is so unique.
  6. Is the end nigh? It's enough to know that it's Trump's finger which might one day be on the (metaphorical) nuclear button, that Putin's declaring himself Supreme Leader (aka dictator), that we have this new coronavirus plague coming from China, that consequently we could be heading for a global economic recession, that there is an ever-present looming threat of a nuclear war (India/Pakistan), that we have an area about the size of South Korea that has been consumed by fires in Australia, and now a plague of locusts in Africa. What else is on its way? A comet cutting through the atmosphere headed for Earth? Doomsmongering aside, but wtf it's kinda starting to feel like it's the beginning of the end of the world. What is all this, God? Whose crazy perverse hallucination is this? I don't get it. Locusts in Africa are not unknown by any means. But the scale and increase of this thing is unusual. And it seems the plague is now spreading far beyond Africa across the Middle East. Some have now even actually been spotted in China. One swarm is estimated to contain billions of locusts and is big enough to cover Greater London. A swarm can eat enough food in one day to feed 34 million people. Somalia and Ethiopia is in a state of emergency and Kenya (and now Uganda, Tanzania, and Sudan) are seeing the worst invasion in 70 years, the region is struggling to contain the infestation. Millions of people there already struggle to obtain healthy food, and that's without the locusts. It's spreading fast, the farmers can't fight them because their numbers are huge and propagation uncontrollable. OMG. What a freaking nightmare. The images are horrifying. To add to that, the conditions in which the locusts are thriving have also produced huge swarms of biting flies in Kenya. Since the start of 2020, 60 donkeys have died after being bitten by bloodsucking flies leaving gaping wounds that became infected. Farmers are covering their donkeys in human clothes to protect them from the flies. The only way to sufficiently control the swarms is with pesticides. About $54 million is needed to step up aerial pesticide spraying, the only effective way to combat them, the UN says. At present Kenya only has five planes to combat swarms the size of 250 football fields. The UN is calling for $76 million in aid. So far it's only reached $20 million, and half of that came from an emergency fund. Time is running out. Planting season starts around April, and the UN worries a new generation of locusts will emerge around the same time. At the very least, officials are urging the world to step in and help. Dominique Burgeon, Food and Agriculture Organization of the UN: "Now it's time for the international community to understand that it's an issue that needs to be dealt with now. Otherwise there will be high levels of acute food insecurity. There will be millions more people that will require food assistance and it will take us years to control the situation." 25.5 million people (half of them children) in that region alone are already suffering from severe food insecurity (hunger and malnutrition). The problem is that after all the aerial pesticide spraying (also seeping into the ground afterwards) could the biggest threat to these farmers be air pollution and soil pollution? Could these end up being the biggest killers? Script: They're so frightening they're mentioned in the scriptures as divine punishment. Locusts have been harbingers of doom from time immemorial. Notorious they may be but this is exceptional. It's 70 years since Kenya witnessed these sights and sounds sounds. A proliferation that began in Saudi Arabia's Empty Quarter now stretches 3,500 miles from there across much of East Africa. These desert locusts are among the world's great survivors. Normally they live in the hottest driest places on earth but their hardiness stands them in good stead. When the going gets good and in perfect conditions like these they prosper and their numbers simply explode. Rain is the reason a series of cyclones coming off the Indian Ocean have kept this region unseasonably lush. Crops and pastures used by livestock have been devoured by ravenous swarms. Each and every one of them can eat its own bodyweight each and every day. Mama Torito is a farmer and a mother and three weeks ago she watched locusts eat the flowers on her mango trees No flowers, no mangoes. She fears she has lost half of this year's harvest. She told me she depended on selling her mangos to clothe her two children and to pay for their schooling. The same swarm consumed all the sweet potato plants that Gladys Lemerry was cultivating here. She said they tried to scare the locusts away but that for two days they kept on coming back. We watched other farmers attempting the same thing but their ability to influence the movements of the swarms appeared limited at best. The Kenyan government has been trying to defeat the invasion with pesticides but there's not enough spraying happening. Now here in this country's breadbasket they fear the next generation is just about to hatch with devastating consequences. "We are getting worried, we are thinking that it might even get out of hand and cause more harm on people's livelihoods and food insecurity for the community". Locusts live for about ten weeks and each new generation can be twenty times the size of the previous one. The alarm might just have been sounded too late here. https://www.worldvision.org/hunger-news-stories/africa-hunger-famine-facts In Africa, hunger is increasing at an alarming rate. Poverty, drought, extreme weather and environmental degradation due to overgrazing, deforestation, and other types of environmental damages are reversing years of progress so that 237 million sub-Saharan Africans are chronically undernourished, more than in any other region. In the whole of Africa, 257 million people are experiencing hunger, which is 20 percent of the population. That's a hell of a lot of people, including children and babies, suffering. Are we going to actually have another famine? In 2020?! Despite the amount of wealth there is in the world, despite all our advances in sciences, technology, knowledge, .... we humans have got to get our act together. No individual should die from starvation today, and no individual should have inordinate wealth. The world produces enough food to feed everyone. How come over 9 million people still die of starvation each year? How come 1% of people own half the world's wealth? How come 30% of People in the world are obese or overweight? And 795 million people in the world (that's like one in nine people on earth) do not have enough food? How come more than 30% of the food produced around the world is never consumed? And so much still wasted? If this is all someone's hallucination, he's got one hell of a fucking imagination. A warm dry wind is all that breaks the silence, The highways quiet scars across the land. People lie, eyes closed, no longer dreaming, The earth dies screaming. Your country needs you, lets strike up the band. The earth dies screaming Despite all odds we must defend our land. Like scattered pebbles, cars lie silent waiting Oil-less engines seized by dirt and sand Bodies hanging limp, no longer bleeding The earth dies screaming. Your country needs you, lets strike up the band. The earth dies screaming Despite all odds we must defend our land. Half eaten meals lie rotting on the tables, Money clutched within a bony hand. Shutters down, the banks are not receiving, The earth dies screaming.
  7. I'm gonna love you more, more than anything you heard about Love the light breezy feeling of this, the passion in his voice from bass to soprano, the bouncy and west coast jazzy tempo ...
  8. First thing every morning after a coffee, I burn 300 calories (on the highest resistance level) standing on my indoor bike (not sitting) which takes about 40 minutes. Then there's the housework, cleaning windows, shopping, gardening, ... a woman's work is never done lol. I also do a little salsa while waiting for the kettle to boil. Actually I dance a lot at home, I'm a happy person. There's also all that stuff that goes on between the sheets Tbh, can't be arsed after all that to do stuff like weights or strength training, no energy left man. I kinda do what I enjoy, make it fun, and leave the rest. But at least you can't call me lazy. It's better than what my hubby's doing, which is absolutely nothing, apart from taking down the trash. I'll try and galvanize him to do a bit more, don't want him dying before me and leaving me all on my lonesome. Just kidding. I'll also add that I go EVERYWHERE by bike (never owned a car). So lugging a load of kilos of shopping (including cat litter) is all the weight training I think I need. Biking everywhere is great cos it's a great way to avoid the pick-up artists too haha. Why we do it? For the cardio, but also so I can watch my youtube videos without feeling like a couch potato (it's kinda mindful in so far as some of those videos are Leo's). Also because physical activity stimulates the release of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Tada, that's probably why I'm a happy person. What our goals/ long term plans with our routines are? To carry on doing the same. How we want to improve/ change them? Happy with things as they are, thanks. You're so lucky @LfcCharlie4 you get to play cricket, I can just imagine you clad out in all that smart cricket gear, I bet you look like the bee's knees. I used to really love sports as a kid, feeling nostalgic right now for those halcyon days in Summer at school ... hockey, baseball, netball, etc. Hope reincarnation exists if only to be able to come back and do all that stuff again, those days went by too fast for me, I never got enough of them. All of a sudden, they were frigging gone, no-one warned me about that. But when I think about it, it wasn't very clever of my dad taking us for fish and chips straight after swimming classes, kinda undid all the good work. I can still smell the bleach mixed with malt vinegar on my spanking clean wrinkly fingers. Sometimes I wish I were a mum and I'd had kids, then I could get the chance to do all those crazy things on Sports Day like the egg-and-spoon race, the sack race, the blindfold race, 3-legged race, etc (do you guys know what I'm going on about?). I'm so competitive and sporty, just a big kid really, I'd just have to win. Sometimes on the tv I see adults doing amazing obstacle races, crawling through the mud and stuff, I'd enjoy doing all that. I'll love you and leave you, been on my arse too long already typing this, starting to feel antsy haha.
  9. Sadhguru also disapproves of eating onions and garlic (considering them negative pranic foods). Is that gonna stop me eating them? Hell, no. Take what you need, and leave the rest.
  10. @Adam M Wow, thank you for all that. I'm blown away by how accurate and spot on that reading was. I also looked up my husband's full chart and several family members (although I don't know their birth times), it describes them to a tee too. 👍
  11. Oh how so bitter-sweet life is. I know exactly where you're coming from, bro. The powerlessness kills me.
  12. I like it too. When I first saw it, I felt like I was looking up at the Statue of Liberty on a sunny day.
  13. Hello @Chumbimba I've written a bit about neurotransmitters here, you'll find some info in the links provided. Great advice from @Michael569 👍 Good luck with your diet, you do a great job when you're on your own, lean protein and complex carbs (fruit & veg tho' I'm not sure about the wheat part, it all depends what products), well done anyway! 👍 I hope your living arrangements improve soon.
  14. We are what we eat, literally. There are a lot of books out there dealing with "food and mood" which can be overwhelming but a couple of good books I've bought looking at food and its link to our neurotransmitters include: 1. Potatoes not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons https://www.amazon.com/Potatoes-Not-Prozac-Solutions-Addiction/dp/1982106476/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3BZ2LU2IKO4W3&keywords=potatoes+not+prozac&qid=1582645326&s=books&sprefix=potatoes+not+%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C215&sr=1-1 This is another exerpt from her book (apart from the above Amazon "look inside" extract): https://books.google.fr/books?id=VnWck7kOCWAC&pg=PT72&lpg=PT72&dq=potatoes+not+prozac+neurotransmitters&source=bl&ots=AQzw3lBGLx&sig=ACfU3U3J1CcIli73H0622sPgbVP0sV3mhg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiOidKe3-znAhUQyxoKHdMkDZ0Q6AEwCnoECAoQAQ#v=onepage&q=potatoes not prozac neurotransmitters&f=false The author also has a website called https://radiantrecovery.com/ (where she basically covers everything that is in her books). She and her forum are good at responding to individual queries. If you're an adult child of an alcoholic and/or sugar-addict, you will find that moving along what she calls the "carbohydrate continuum" will help. The "white" stuff is on one end of the continuum and the green/brown stuff on the other. Eating three meals a day containing enough protein and complex carbohydrates, along with eating a potato before bed (alternatives are given), can help your body naturally self-regulate your moods and emotions. This is especially true for people who are caught on the roller coaster of sugar addiction, as potatoes can help break the sugar craving cycle by naturally boosting serotonin and dopamine, helping you better avoid temptation. Apart from stabilizing blood sugar, another neurotransmitter she deals with is beta endorphin. She takes you step by step through the process of balancing your neurotransmitters. For example: 1. First master eating breakfast with protein 2. Then when that's done, try journaling what you eat and how you feel 3. When you've got that down, now try to eat three meals a day with protein and a complex carb 4. Then take the recommended vitamins and have a potato before bed 5. Next shift from white foods to brown foods 6. Finally reduce or eliminate sugars Nice gentle process so you don't spook yourself (or your brain lol) by going too fast. Cold turkey can be good too (you can do all those 6 steps together if you prefer), but this step-by-step approach may work better for some (certainly helps reduce the headaches and other sugar/refined carb withdrawal symptoms by going slower). ********************************************************************************************* 2. Change your brain, change your life by Daniel Amen https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/110190464X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1 This is another exerpt from his book (apart from the above Amazon "look inside" extract): https://books.google.fr/books?id=lY8LKt-hz2kC&pg=PT1&lpg=PT1&dq=Brain+do's+and+brain+dont's+daniel+amen&source=bl&ots=--f94zOMg9&sig=ACfU3U1LAwSJ_Fb9GJ_eGytmQx3kDayPAA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwihkILjge3nAhUJLBoKHSa0AFYQ6AEwDHoECAwQAQ#v=onepage&q=Brain do's and brain dont's daniel amen&f=false He has his own youtube channel and here are some other videos: In his book, according to your "complaint", he prescribes a diet of say higher protein/lower carbs, or the opposite higher carbs/lower protein, depending on the part of the brain and neurotransmitters in question. So like a keto diet would not necessarily suit everyone. Take the case of ADD, there are 7 types of ADD and each type has its own prescription: https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-dr-daniel-amens-6-types-of-add-20466 He talks a lot about the nutritional aspect in the blog on his website (as well as a host of other valuable information): https://www.amenclinics.com/category/nutrition/ Basically, he's saying we're not stuck with the brains we're born with, we can make them better. Through the right nutrients you can heal your brain and therefore change your life to quell anxiety, depression, ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), anger, addictions, impulsiveness, Fear, PTSD, Procrastination, OCD, ADD, etc as well as prevent future neurological issues (eg. Alzheimer's). For every type of brain function or malfunction Dr. Amen prescribes remedies, exercises, and various foods that may help and things to avoid that harm the brain (alcohol, toxins, smoking, pesticides, etc). He also gives suggestions for how to improve memory, reverse or reduce symptoms of various illnesses, and describes the 12 principles to change your brain. He recommends certain supplements (like gingko biloba, omega-3 fatty acids, a moss extract known as Huperzine A, etc) for better brain health that are easily accessible over-the-counter ones. The book is easy to read and is geared for a non-medical reader, offering hope to those who think their struggles are moral, genetic or permanent failures, and practical, simple steps to improve anyone's brain health. He's not without his critics, but what he says makes sense. Here's his list of practical brain do's and dont's to optimize your own brain function and begin to break bad brain habits that hold you back from getting what you want in life. Brain Dos: 👍 👍 1. Wear a helmet in high-risk situations. 2. Drink lots of water (six to eight 8-ounce glasses daily) to stay well hydrated. 3. Eat healthfully, adjusting the proportion of protein and carbohydrate to your brain needs. 4. Take gingko biloba as necessary under your doctor's supervision. 5. Think positive, healthy thoughts. 6. Love, feed, and exercise your internal ant-eater to rid yourself of ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). 7. Every day, take time to focus on the things you are grateful for in your life. 8. Watch the Disney movie Pollyanna. 9. Spend time with positive, uplifting people. 10. Spend time with people you want to be like (you are more likely to become like them). 11. Work on your "people skills" to become more connected and to enhance limbic bonds. 12. Talk to others in loving, helpful ways. 13. Surround yourself with great smells. 14. Build a library of wonderful experiences. 15. Make a difference in the life of someone else. 16. Exercise. 17. Regularly connect with your loved ones. 18. Learn diaphragmatic breathing. 19. Learn and use self-hypnosis and meditation on a daily basis. 20. Remember the "18/40/60 Rule". (see note below)*** 21. Effectively confront and deal with situations involving conflict. 22. Develop clear goals for your life (relationships, work, money, and self) and reaffirm them every day. 23. Focus on what you like a lot more than what you don't like. 24. Collect penguins (this one is personal to the author, he explains in the book about his penguin collection). 25. Have meaning, purpose, excitement, and stimulation in your life. (but no bungee jumping, haha, see below) 26. Establish eye contact with and smile frequently at others. 27. Consider brainwave biofeedback or audiovisual stimulation to optimize brain function. 28. Notice when you're stuck, distract yourself, and come back to the problem later. 29. Think through answers before automatically saying no. (I'd like to add, before automatically saying yes too) 30. Write out options and solutions when you feel stuck. 31. Seek the counsel of others when you feel stuck (often just talking about feeling stuck will open new options). 32. Memorize and recite the Serenity Prayer daily and whenever bothered by repetitive thoughts (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference). 33. Take a break and come back later when you're unsuccessfully tried to convince someone who is stuck. 4. Use paradoxical requests in dealing with cingulate people. 35. Make naturally oppositional children mind you the first time (through a firm, kind, authoritative stance). 36. Learn something new every day. 37. Enhance your memory skills. 38. Sing and hum whenever you can. 39. Make beautiful music a part of your life. 40. Make beautiful smells a part of your life. 41. Touch others often (appropriately). 42. Make love with your partner. 43. Move in rhythms. 44. Use a skilled psychotherapist when needed. 45. Use an EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) therapist to deal with trauma. 46. Take head injuries seriously, even minor ones. 47. Take medications when needed, under your doctor's supervision. 48. Take herbal remedies when needed, under your doctor's supervision. 49. Consider underlying brain problems in substance abusers. 50. Do full brain evaluations for people who do terrible things. Brain Dont's: 👎👎 1. Isolate a developing baby. 2. Use alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or much caffeine when pregnant. 3. Ignore erratic behavior. 4. Lie around the house and never exercise. 5. Ignore concussions. 6. Smoke. 7. Drink much caffeine. 8. Drink much alcohol. 9. Do addictive drugs (NO heroin, crack, cocaine, methamphetamines (unless in prescribed doses for ADD)). 10. Eat without forethought about what foods are best for your brain. 11. Drive without wearing a seat belt. 12. Ride a motorcycle, bicycle, skateboard, in-line skates, snowboard, and so forth without a helmet. 13. Hit a soccer ball with your head. 14. Bang your head when you're frustrated (protect the head of children who are head bangers). 15. Bungee jump. 16. Hand out with people who do addictive drugs, fight, or are involved in other dangerous activities. 17. Allow your breathing to get out of control. 18. Think in black-or-white terms. 19. Think in words like always, never, every time, everyone. 20. Focus on the negative things in your life. 21. Predict the worst. 22. Think only with your feelings. 23. Try to read other people's minds. 24. Blame other people for your problems. 25. Label yourself or others with negative terms. 26. Beat up yourself or others with guilt (very ineffective). 27. Personalize situations that have little to do with you. 28. Feed your ANTs. 29. Use sex as a weapon with your partner. 30. Talk to others in a hateful way. 31. Push people away. 32. Be around toxic smells. 33. Be around toxic people. 34. Focus too much on what other people think of you (odds are they aren't thinking about you at all, see note below***). 35. Allow your life to just happen without you directing and planning it. 36. Take the "stimulant bait" from other people. 37. Be another person's stimulant. 38. Allow thoughts to go over and over in your head. 39. Automatically say no to others; think first if what they want fits with your goals. 40. Automatically say yes to others; think first if what they want fits with your goals. 41. Argue with someone who is stuck. 42. Isolate yourself when you feel worried, depressed, or panicky. 43. Allow naturally oppositional children to be oppositional. 44. Listen to toxic music. 45. Blame substance abusers as morally defective. 46. Refuse to take medications when needed. 47. Self-medicate; when you have problems, get help from professionals. 48. Deny you have problems. 49. Refuse to listen to the people you love who are trying to tell you to get help. 50. Withhold love, touch, and companionship from those you love as a way to express anger. ******************************************************************** *** the "18/40/60 Rule" (p.105) When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you When you're 40, you don't give a damn about what anybody is thinking of you When you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all
  15. Thank you @deso for sharing that with us, that took some courage. 👍👍 I'm so sorry for what you're going through, my heart goes out to you. Your life must feel like hell right now. I really think @Nahm can help you with this. He's the real deal, he will know where you're at and how to help you out of it, like he's helped so many here. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything is as it should be. Nothing you have done is wrong. Nothing has been lost. You are mourning something that is no longer as it was. The time now for you is spiritual healing. I've read your whole story, you have nothing to reproach yourself for. It is "natural" you are wanting to blame yourself because you are in so much pain and torment. In despair, you are projecting all that agony onto yourself right now by criticizing yourself. I know where you're coming from. I'm a bit of a perfectionist and quite intuitive myself, and I literally kick myself, mad as hell, when I don't listen to my gut feeling and things go catastrophically bad. Man I give myself such a rough time. I also have so many regrets and the feeling I've wasted so much precious time in my life and should be way more ahead than I am. It's one of my biggest lessons I have to learn in life, overcoming these perfectionist tendancies. You did the best you could at the time. Many of us don't always trust our gut instinct, we're only human after all, yes we get fed up and tired and we often implicitly trust the men in white coats, the experts. None of that is our fault. Some doctors probably don't even bother discussing other options (like steroid creams, stretching techniques, etc) perhaps because they really believe that circumcision is the best one. Unfortunately as with any operation, they are not always without complications, even with the best surgeons. You are not alone, as you can see from the articles below. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-48057183 https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-47292307 https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/botched-circumcision-complications-statistics-stories https://15square.org.uk/circumcised-men/ This guy researched "restorative kits" and reverse surgery, but alas to no avail. We're all doing the best we can with what we've got (and from reading your story, you have always been doing your best). It's always easier in hindsight to say we could have done things better, and talk as though we're supposed to have all the answers. Ha only God knows everything. Why should we automatically expect that level of perfection for ourselves? If I opened a thread on this site asking people what things they regretted in their lives, there would be a ton of things way worse than anything here you've ever done. I know people who seriously regret 30 years of their lives, your 3 years kinda fade in comparison. Man, you've got your whole life ahead of you, it could be such an awesome life, you're only a spring chicken, you've hardly begun and you've already learned so many valuable things compared to your peers, loosen the grip a bit and learn to let go of all this huge pressure you're putting on yourself. Look at this brave dude above, he's in the same boat as you and he's just going to get on with things. Imagine this problem happening to a son of yours that you love very much. You would not want him to give up, you would want him to go beyond it and grow from it. You would not say all this was his fault, you wouldn't abandon him the way you're whipping and torturing yourself right now. Stop beating yourself up. You deserve more tender love and care towards yourself. You wouldn't treat someone you love like that. Leo has some awesome videos here on how to really love yourself more, self-love is the essence of it all. We are supposed to learn from our mistakes, that's how we get past the pain of them. For example, one lesson you can learn from this is say never again have surgery without perhaps doing some research first, looking on Internet to see what other viable options there might be. That lesson could save your life in the future, who knows? Maybe you were meant to learn that lesson now? I feel someone like you could never lose or waste much time in life anyway, because you're competitive and a bit of a control freak and way too damn hard on yourself already, you wouldn't let yourself get away with wasting much time. I keep reminding myself you're only 22, you're talking like some old dude who's wasted like 50 or 60 years!! You CAN heal. You're lucky you seem to have some good intuitive skills, but you're also a perfectionist and very hard on yourself, you really need to let go of all that and learn to love yourself more and have more self-compassion and self-acceptance. This is the secret to having everything in your life work. You have asked for help here, and I sincerely hope you get the help you need. Talk to Nahm, he's the best. 💕 There is also some information, advice and guidance on this website that you might find useful: https://15square.org.uk/ Has this been a year now you've been dealing with this @deso ?