Tistepiste

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  1. End of October, beginning of November Inner state: Feels pretty good. Occasional feeling of stress, but not to worry too much about. I take moments of rest occasionaly and fully. It's something I deserve, and enjoy. My head is not racing with thoughts anymore, not trying to clamp onto unresolved stuff or agitations during the day. I experience everything fully in the moment, and let go when I deem it unnecessary to hold on to a feeling any longer. When it lost its importance in the situation, I kind of just focus my energy on something else and this energy seems stable, without any big disturbances. My energy fluctuates a lot sometimes, though. I can go from moments of very high and a lot of energy, to moments where I am completely drained. But I don't experience this as negative. It's just my body regulating its energy levels, I think. When, during the day, I don't do a lot of exhaustive activity, I have a lot of energy stored that I need to dissipate or it accumulates. I know my limits better, and am very aware of every interaction. I have moments where I sense my self observing the people around me and their interactions, like an interested person. Interested in their way of cooperating and enjoying each others company. Puts me in a good mood, and harmonious. I know my limits better, and am very aware of every interaction. I have moments where I sense my self observing the people around me and their interactions, like an interested person. Interested in their way of cooperating and enjoying each others company. Puts me in a good mood, and harmonious. I barely have any bad thoughts, and if they are, they are not intrusive. Translation to external world: I feel like I am more patient with people, however I tell how it is. If someone annoys me a little, or is dishonest or just rude, I just tell it how it is. I barely care about the reaction of the person anymore. I expressed my inner discontent. I don't necessarily think that I am right about me feeling that way, but instead of being quietly annoyed about it, I just like to express it in the moment for the negative energy not to get stuck inside of me and cause it to accumulate. I try not make drama anymore. I used to make things bigger than they were, for myself. But now I can catch it in the root and just deem it a waste of energy to make it bigger than it is. I am more calm and relaxed in general I listen to people more and care more about them
  2. A message to my Ego.
  3. 3 months later now, and a lot has changed. August Month of August was still very hard for me mentally. I was close to getting crazy. But, one of my greatest strengths, is my awareness of my ego-mind almost all times. And certainly during this period. I was aware of every bad thought, every bad feeling, every bad state of mind. I was aware of its effect on me, and my unconscious response to it by being more agitated in real life, tired, no energy, etc. The only real problem I had is that I did not know how to stop it causing an effect on me. I tried to gain control instead of letting go. But I didn't know how to let go. I had a very hard August because I had so much to do for university, graduating, writing and finishing my thesis, exams... I didn't know how to stop the negative effect it had on me and on my studies. I was at a point of just stopping everything, stopping my studies, because I was just empty. done. Couldn't do it anymore. Mental state: 1/10 September Decided to take some time off. 5 days alone, 10 days with my dad. There, I had some good talks with my dad, but also a lot of quiet moments. He knew everything about my state. At several points he asked me how I was doing. Everytime I told him "Ok", or "Better". Just being honest. At one point in the travel, I was getting better and better, got more and more out of my head. At that point, I answered "good". His eyes started tearing, and put his hand on my shoulder. A beautiful moment, it made me tear up myself. Had a hard time not to cry. After that travel, it seems like a weight fell of my shoulders. I suddenly could just let it all go. All the bad situations, feeling misunderstood, feeling mistreated, feeling like I lost the people I loved a lot for the worst reasons, working hard, feeling bad. It was all a great learning lesson. A great lesson to look into my ego, look into my weaknesses. Look into how I can handle these things better. A look on how to let go, because I had no other choice. A way to be more open to my family, my parents, and the ones who love me unconditionally. Mental state: Beginning september: 4/10 End september: 9/10 October My head feels much more quiet now. Almost just "good". Things that used to bother me don't bother me as much. I feel more calm, less reactive, less agitated, and less tired. I feel like I can finally enjoy life again and see it beauty, instead of being caught up in my mind. I am doing a big big project now for myself, and I am enjoying it very much. Mental state: 9/10
  4. @Shiva Thats' why: "Wait until what photographers call the "golden hour", which is one hour after sunrise and one hour before sunset." Sun is not so strong then. Although one should still be cautious of course.
  5. @Shin but it's kind of paradoxal in the post you're claiming you should "just awaken" while you aren't yourself kind of proves that method doesn't work, right
  6. Are you awakened? Even leo isn't enlightened
  7. @archi you mean taste disgusting?
  8. @Flammable Atlantis
  9. @Leo Gura But you're so knowledgeable in the field, done so many things, know so many concepts. But you still haven't achieved it. Kind of demotivating isn't it?
  10. What would be a good first dose? My first dose was 15g, but I heard this is quite a lot for a first dose. My trip was amazing, though.
  11. @Evelyn I'll try focussing on breath. Actually seems like a good method.
  12. @Nahm Somtimes i feel like my ego is way too clever / tricky for me.. It is a master in keeping me in its loop, it's actually scary.. I don't know if I am clever enough to be smarter than my ego, if that makes sense. Why would it not be what I had in mind (about skype)? Awakening oriented conversations are very interesting @dorg Makes sense. Wish I could put it to practice in a better way
  13. @Nahm Wish I could meet you one day so that we can have a good and long talk