JonasVE12

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About JonasVE12

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  1. I worked in Apple store doing sales and I must say this job was great for me in discovering that me too, I could become great at talking and flowing with women. Working there allowed me to get into a social flow every single day and it gave me high situational confidence and embodiment in the workspace. Women were noticably attracted to me there and it was all so easy. I could experiment with a lot of dynamics because I felt supported by the environment which grounded me out. I could experiment with teasing, cockiness, playfulness, relating, building rapport etc. But it was more situational attractiveness rather than core attractiveness that you develop there. You have a reason to talk to women there so the tension is lower and you avoid a lot of vulnerability in this way which limits you. In the end you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable outside of that work container and become your own container. There's much more growth to be found in doing cold approach, but you can definitely find a lot of value too in getting a job that involves talking to a lot of women. It gives you momentum. So sales is great, and I imagine bartending is the same or better.
  2. @bloomer Trying doesn't exist. Either you do or you don't. If you want succes in these areas, you have to take this dead serious and go all out. Make a commitment to do this everyday. Only if you really want to change.
  3. Your whole reality is a manifestation of what you're feeling and what energy you are carrying inside yourself. You are just attracting in reponse to that energy. If you can change your feelings/energy, your beliefs will change, and your reality will change in terms of what you attract in your life. You can either hang on to all your stories of not being good enough or get to work and be serious. You gotta take full responsibility in your life and stop playing games. Either that, or you won't ever become succesful. Start a 30 day practice of stopping strangers and asking directions, followed by 30 days of asking strangers a more open question and getting the conversation rolling. After those 60 days, you'll notice a lot of lighter feelings in your body and in accordance, people will feel more attracted towards your energy. You have to start focussing on the parts of your body that currently doesn't flow energy through. Try to relax your pelvis, back of your legs, arms and feet and start grounding into the earth This, in combination with feeling your heart. Develop feeling in those areas of your body and try to emanate from that place. For people to feel good around you, you need 1) Good grounding 2) Heart energy For people to be sexually attracted to you, you need a third component 3) Feeling/energy from your pelvis. They should all be in balance. You develop this through 1) Daily feeling practice of feeling your body 30 min / day and fully focussing on getting in touch with your body parts and letting energy flow through them. Where focus goes, energy floes. Do a 30 day practice 2) you need an embodiment practice that involves the same thing as above, but more active version. So that's the 2x 30 days of asking simple questions to strangers and getting in touch with your body when you do so. You will never be able to flirt with girls succesfully if you can't have simple conversations with good emotional embodiment
  4. I understand. It's too much tension for you at this point. The key insight into becoming a confident and attractive men is that you have to be good at stepping into tension and handling it. Which means that you can not be reactive to your fear. To develop this practically, you have to start at the lowest amount of tension possible for you to step into. Can you go up to a woman and ask for directions? If you do this for 30 days, 10 times a day, at the end of those 30 days you'll be a changed man, I promise. Your nervous system will adapt and you'll be ready to increase the tension then. In fact, I guarantee you that after like 2 weeks, you'll automatically be having spontaneous conversations with some women you have asked a simple question to. This simple practice will reveal a lot of your stories and negative beliefs about yourself, and it gives you the opportunity to let it come to the surface, ground them out and release them. Combine this practice to going to the prostitutes you suggested and it will grow you a lot.
  5. That pretty creative. I'm sure it would be helpful because it gives you a safe container for you to experience your emotions and ground them out. If you can do a different women each time, that would be the best. Eventually you have to go on the street and approach women to get over your fears fully but I bet your plan will definitely make it more realistic to approach women if you are really afraid now.
  6. Dude, you need to have some more personal coaching from someone who knows what you're going through. Once you know the internal mechanisms and external procceses to go through, the possibility for transformative change becomes very real. Get out to one of these events, preferably the experience intensive: https://www.thefearlessman.com/events/ It costs some money and you'll probably have to travel, and if you're not willing to do that for yourself, it's best that you accept yourself as you are and accept that women and confidence will never be a part of your reality.
  7. How do you know that you're an introvert anyway? Maybe it's because of all those limiting beliefs and emotions that makes you feel like you rather spend time alone, because spending time with people would bring all of your emotional resistance to the surface. That's painful to feel, so we rather push it down and live an introverted life if it means we don't have to face ourselves. I was in the same situation. You'll have to follow your intuition and get to work. If you really want to life a life of freedom and power, you have to take action and get out of your comfort zone. Look at the following youtube channel.
  8. Learn the art of making connections with strangers that you cold approach in public. Learn how to cultivate a positive internal energy that attracts people into your reality. It's hard work, but definitely worth it. Imagine you could go anywhere, literally anywhere and instantly create a social circle in that place. You'll never be bored socially. The world becomes your playground and you naturally draw people in. Cold approaching strangers is a very good practice not only for becoming more socially magnetic, but also for internal growth. It's the best practice for raising your self esteem and releasing negative emotions. Go cold approach daily for 1-2 hours. start with quick low tension questions and gradually increase the tension until you become grounded, loose, playful and open. You have to do this consistently for a long time for it to become natural and permanent. Your nevous system needs to re-wire. If all of this doesn't come naturally, you have to make it a consistent practice. It's worth it. Stop playing small in life. The nice thing is that you'll arrive up to a point where you don't have to cold approach anymore as a practice. You'll naturally make connections everywhere you go. You don't have to put conscious effort into it anymore. You just go about your day, and you'll meet people naturally. But as I said, it requires serious work to reach that point. We're all naturally magnetically attractive, only negative conditioning brings us emotional blockages that limits our authentic self-expression. You have to break down these walls and then your authentic self comes out again.
  9. I had a blushing phobia many years ago. I blushed heavily in every social interaction. As soon as the attention was turned towards me, I blushed. It took over my life back then. The way to solve it is to become non reactive to the blushing. So when it comes up, you have to find full relaxation through the body. You have to accept the sensations fully, not run from it. You have to be able to handle it energetically. Own it completely. Ground any nervous energy into the ground by feeling your feet and legs. After you find that blushing doesnt bother you anymore, it will go away and will stop manifesting. You also have to work on the toxic shame that it underlies. Keep meditating. If you want to get rid of it and feel fully you and powerful, you're going to have to develop a very strong motivation and workethic and use it to face all of your resistances. It's deep work.
  10. Thing is that you don't really know if you are introverted or not until you have removed all of your interpersonal shame. Many introverts feel they get energy when they are alone because that's the only time their nervous system gets time to relax. A very large percentage of introverts are simply introvert because they have supressed shame. These people, when they go out, have to force themself to go out because of anticipated resistance that drives them into apathy, shame and fear. Their mind and nervous system is wrapped around the toxic shame they are identified with. To really explore and expand your personality to the point you are not contracted any more by negative supressed emotions needs a very specific approach that involves facing resistance and stepping into tension you are resisting to step into. Then releasing all the triggered emotions surrounding this level of tension you are resisting. Therapy and such can help, but for these people, the real growth lies in an embodiment practice that involves going out and getting triggered for a very long time until you are able to relax, let go, release and integrate & embody higher emotions such as courage, peace and acceptance. This shift in a shame based introvert will set them free to pursue whatever he wants authetically. He is not contracted by shame anymore so he is essentially fully free and authentic in his pursuits. I think @Javfly33 resonates with going out and approaching strangers so much because he intuitively understands how much closer it will bring him to his full potential and authenticity. It literally a super power. It's the best way to trigger all your self-esteem issues and build a very strong and solid sense of being. Once you are free, your authentic unrestricted creativity and inspiration can really come to the surface and it's beautiful.
  11. Hey guys, I'm going to travel to different countries together with a friend of mine. Key theme of our travel is approaching women, mastering game and expanding our comfort zone. What I'm looking for is people here on the forum that want to join us and have accommodation for us. In return you'll make good friends and get coaching as well. You'll improve your game significantly after spending time with us. We don't have high standards in terms of the accommodation. We don't need a seperate room or anything. We can sleep on the floor. We also pay for our own food. We're very respectful and empathetic as well. You'll have an amazing time. Reach out if you are motivated to get better at game and have accommodation for us. You have to live in a big city tho.
  12. The more you release on fear and shame, and the more you embody courage and acceptance, the less filter you'll have in social situations. It's just a proces of emotional release and embodiment work. As part of my job (sales), I talk with 100+ people each day. A lot of the time it's a group setting of 2+ people and many more people listening in and sometimes partaking in the vibe. As you talk with that many people each day, of course you become more relaxed and flowing. A lot of the tension removes from the body as you start to enter into your flow state. You become more connected to your emotions, and from this relaxed space, your inspiration and spontaneity comes naturally. A mental filter is basically just obstructed energy in your body that pulls your energy up into your head into overthinking mode. The solution is getting into your body. The longer you socialise everyday, the more relaxed you become each day, the more positive reactions you'll get from people, the more your self-image adapt, the more tension you release, the more emotions you release (fear and shame), and the more positive emotions you'll embody (acceptance) and this is a slow proces of adaptation of your subconscious mind through getting new experiences. The key is consistency and a lot of new experiences each day. You have to go out constantly to get new experiences so your subconscious adapts permanently and even then you have to keep doing it. But you'll naturally want to keep socialising as it is just a lot of fun when you aren't controlled by trauma energy.
  13. The key to getting good is knowing how to get yourself in a flow state. If you have done pick-up and gone out socialising, you probably know what a flow state feels like. It's where you are fully present and embodied with self-confidence and open energy. Also sexual energy. You subconsciouly also feel abundant in this state. Like there are endless opportunities. To get good is to consistently hit these states until they become easier and easier to access, and when you can access them almost instantly. The more you make approaching a consistent practice, the more relaxed you become, the more unattached you'll be, the easier you hit a flow state. You'll never feel needy and attached in a flow state. You'll feel abudant. One interaction that is better than your subconscious expectations can pull you up and create positive momentum and then you are in a upward spiral that will bring you right to the peak of a flow state. You'll experience a chain reaction of positive reactions. The more negative emotions you release around approaching women, the easier the flow states happen. It all happens through consistency. That's the key. You need to give your nervous system the neccessary input of energy and also the time for it to permanently rewire.
  14. It's very difficult to grow when you are not having any fun and everything feels like a chore. For me personally, building the ability to be social and connecting with people has grown me the most and this has kickstarted my self-development proces. Maybe it's the same for you, the chances are high, but for me, I was always stuck in self-development just like you, just because I didn't enjoy what I was doing. Deep down I wanted to have friends, have life experiences involving people and being connected. Without that, I was just like you being stuck where I was, trying to build something but never progressing as I didn't fulfill my deepest desire first. I was focussing on things that weren't important to me at the time. Trying to build a career, do a prestigious study and eventually everything would fall in it's place so I thought. It was basically just escapism and distraction. I was also trying to build positive reinforcing habits, but everything from the comfort of my own home. It didn't work. Building habits is good, but when you are not really leaving your comfort zone at all, you are not growing and you'll stay in this loop. See if you develop yourself so you can have a lot of positive social experiences, you start to gain a sense of self-esteem and power from that, that you automatically get a lot of energy and inspiration from. Your life trajectory becomes a lot clearer as you start to build this sense of personal power and self love. You mention it yourself that you have struggles socially. Let's say you could build an abudant social life where people just show up in your life. everyday you have people to surround yourself with. Inspiring people that give you energy. And also abundant experiences with women, etc. If you can fulfill those needs first, wouldn't you be a lot happier and have a better base to grow from? I can't imagine you have the energy and consistent motivation to keep building your life like you are now (Doing the study, the habits etc) when you are not having any fun at all? Social ability is one of the pillars of self-development. We as people subconsciously use other people as a mirror to assess our own self worth and when you have no social ability at all, of course you feel shitty and your social life will suck. You have a lot of emotional blockages from that that keep you stuck in other areas because your baseline of joy and happiness is too low to motivate you to do other things. My biggest tip would be to surround yourself with people who inspire you. Could be a coach or people that are also trying to gain social skills. I like the concept of momentum. Once you feel those good emotions, you can build on them. But you have to really get out of your comfort zone and face the tension you have been avoiding all your life and you'll know what you have been avoiding when you think deeply. Once you build the momentum, you'll feel inspired, emotional blockages will go away and then things can start to manifest in your life. You'll no longer subconsciouly push those things away. They will come to you. Maybe travel for a year with someone who will motivate you and hold you accountable.
  15. You need a more body based perspective to look at this stuff more clearly. You can do a good approach when you experience fear, but it's about not letting that fear own you and becoming reactive to it. It's about not shutting of the energy flow throughout your heart, pelvis and legs so all energy is in your head. That's nervous energy out of reactivity. That's what turns off women. 2 guys who experience fear when approaching women can have 2 different reactions. for one guy she can get attracted, and by the other guy she'll be creeped out. It's about how those guys handle that tension (fear). Meaning how their nervous system proccesses it. Do they ground the tension out into the earth and become present? Or do they get up their head? It's not fear that turns off women. When you experience fear when approaching women, but you can show up in the midst of that and be like 'yeah I'm nervous, but fuck it, I still show up', that's attractive. You need a grounded energy instead of reactive fearful energy. In your story you write that you have problems relating to people and being social. When you go up to people and talk about the things you mentioned, of course you're not coming off well calibrated. You can only pull that of if you are completely in the zone, confident, embodied and present. If that was your first approach of the night and you're still somewhat in your head, then yeah... Maybe next time be a bit more relatable at the start of your night and when you get more into a flow state, then you can do more risky stuff. Usually if you suck at socialising, you need to think about how you can take smart consistent action on a daily basis so you can gradually build up your ability to be social. It can start wherever you feel you are stuck. If you suck at being social all around, then start doing the following exercise for a month and see how it improves your emotional embodiment. The exercise is called '100 hi's'. It's something they practice at the fearless man. Say 'hello' to 100 people you cross on the street and practice opening your body and grounding your energy. When you are not embodied, you should receive almost no reply from those strangers. If you are though, almost 90% will say hello back or smile. If you are really really embodied, then lots of people will want to start talking to you. If you can do this, you'll learn lots about subtilities of subcommunication and you'll know how to transfer this to approaching women.