Waves

I go to sleep between 23.30-0.30 and wake up between 7.30-9.00. I wish I could keep it more consistent, but life happens, especially on the weekends. I do still try to wake up before 9/9.30 on the weekends even if I go to sleep much later. I take one or two 20/30-min naps in the afternoon as I feel I need and then go to sleep at my normal time. It's all pretty adaptable though, I try respect what my body needs as much as I can. One thing I'm trying to do now is eat dinner earlier and go to sleep before 11pm, which I feel is most supportive for me and my slow digestion.

I'll share my experience recognising that we're different in the drive and personality we have, yours being much stronger and protagonist-like. The therapy I've been doing relies on IFS and meditation and helped me get more in touch, in a gentle way, with my internal world. You just become more accepting of all the parts that make you up and are active in a given moment. It's a beautiful process of reconnection and reconciliation with yourself, which makes your inner environment more spacious and pleasant to be in. Ideally it leads to you feeling more at ease with yourself and with life, especially with the pain and suffering you mention you feel deeply. It doesn't mean you'll become apathetic, disinterested or unmotivated in acting in the world if that's what you're called to do, although it could tone down your drive if that's coming from an over-reactive part that is trying to protect a wounded part or compensate for something. It actually gives you more agency because you're emptier and more adaptable to what you're called to do and be, instead of being trapped and victim of your internal reactivity (not necessarily saying this is your case btw). If you want to fight for something out there, it doesn't mean that the battle needs to be fought inside too. You can make that a smoother process, so your energy and talents are focused on what really matters to you. Personally, my motivation came from reacting and avoiding what I didn't want to see, mostly in myself and the world. This worked at the beginning but only got me this far and I burnt out in the process. A more sustainable and ultimately effective way to go about my life's work and what I feel you're here to do is for my motivation to be self-sourced, coming from a deep contact with my body and intuition in the moment, and prioritising that over anything else. I should add that it was because my health was greatly affected that I was forced into this way of being, and I feel it's related to what I'm here to do (i.e. guiding humanity into more health and harmony with (their) nature). A suggestion I feel like sharing is: can you be with the part(s) of you that are afraid to feel apathetic and unmotivated to act in the world? Can you allow them to just be there? If not, can you be with the part that says you can't?

More of it here:

This intention is all you need. The ideas you came up with also will help to build that reservoir of relaxation (I would add Qigong). Then it just comes down to actually being in the body, noticing and accepting whatever is present. Once a particular tension (or voice) is seen and allowed to be here, it will eventually melt. Your job is to bring your attention to the body as regularly as possible with a soft and gentle touch, and without being so militant about it it feels like a chore, or a 'should'. Then you can carry this beingness (or the reflex to come back to beingness) into situations where you tense up and slowly develop ease by shedding all those reactions and sinking more and more into the body. Spaciousness and ease are the result of relaxing into tension.

@Leo Gura From what you've shared and by looking at what you've been able to create so far, you seem to naturally have exceptional amounts of creative/sexual energy. For a lot of us: we nut = we tired

@caesar13 Stagnation means simply that energy flow is obstructed (many possible causes, including emotional turmoil/stress). This creates all sorts of problems because life energy is meant to flow for health. I'm only starting to explore this field of energy work, so really experiment with yourself, i.e. see what happens if you don't do PMO for a week or two. Energy will build up indeed. Really be present with your strong desire or whatever comes up, because it is guaranteed things will come up, and they might not be pleasant. If you want to look into this, I really recommend reading this blog: https://www.awakenedintent.com/blog/sexual-energy-and-semen-retention-for-men, and don't be put off by 'semen retention'. It goes much deeper than that.

There is an exercise I recently heard from Erick Godsey (pod https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cultivating-your-life-force/id1455569633?i=1000588300770 @53:50), but haven't tried it yet. Not sure it's what you're looking for, I'll just leave it here: Basically, it's about writing down stories in your past in which you felt shame. Write a bullet list of stories, then choose one to go deep into and write that story out. At the end, apologize to those involved for what you've done, apologize to your younger self for what you've done to yourself, and make sure you accept your own apology. You want to feel the energy that was stuck with that shame free up.

Your protein intake seems to be dangerously low, and fat too tbh. But this falling asleep doesn't depend only on what you eat. How are your energy levels during the day? I would start by including or putting more on your plate a variety of these things, adapted to how much you usually eat (not to have radical shifts in your diet): eggs, lentils (lentil soups/dahls are great during winter), nuts and seeds, beans, organic soy products, lean meat (if you eat any), greek yogurt.

There could be a correlation. If you look through the perspective of Traditional Chinese Medicine, your essence of life (jing) is stored in the kidneys, and with excessive ejaculation, you're depleting that. If kidneys are depleted or there is stagnation of energy in the area, there is likely going to be lower back pain. See if this could be the case, especially if you commonly feel tired, and experiment for yourself.

There is a lot that could be said here. To keep it simple: Get in touch with your body. Feel into various parts of your body, especially your pelvis and genitals. It is essential that you reconnect to that part of you. That's where your power, your desire, your expression reside. The way you feel about your penis is the way that you feel about yourself. Yes, it would be 'healthier' to masturbate without porn. It is fair to assume you'll feel more attracted to actual women, and they will feel your energy more. And when you beat your willie make it an act of pleasuring yourself based on sensations in your body, not stimulations coming from the mind. Make it about connecting with yourself. Be present with it. You could benefit from doing shadow work and self-esteem work. And - you guessed it - developing an intimate relationship with sensations in your body is the foundation. Go be around girls and talk to them. Feel the nice sensations that bubble up in your pelvis when you see a cutie, then go talk to her with a smile.

@The0Self Great, thank you for sharing your findings I've also been waking up at the same time every day lately and I'm starting to notice a difference, but since it's rather early (8am), and since I need 9h, it does get in the way of other plans, such as going out late. I'm using this period to regenerate anyways, so it's good for now. Good luck with the blue light haha

@The0Self Have you found any strategies to maintain a (healthy) regular sleep schedule (e.g. waking up at 8am) while going out on the weekends (and assuming one is training somewhat hard and wants to avoid hurting recovery too much)? For example, If you got home at 3am, would you still wake up at 8am or try to get at least 7.5h? I realize it's a matter of compromize and goals, and that if you'd be optimizing for training recovery you wouldn't want to stay out late, but I'm curious what your experience is.

@King Merk I see, good stuff. I also remember another good rule of thumb to have your knees lower than your hips, so that your hip flexors aren't compromised that much, which is taken care of with a yoga cushion. I should get one of these with an external monitor (and a yoga cushion as you mentioned), so I'm looking right in front of me instead of a bit down, which keeps me more alert.

@King Merk Sitting on the floor is awesome, although I find it uncomfortable to work on a laptop because I still find myself rounding my shoulders anyways (and straining my neck forward). Have you found a solution in this sense?