Sidra

Wow.. Looking back at this now is amazing. Y'all I found a way out!! lol I put in so much work into applying to universities abroad and now I am going to Princeton to start my studies with a full scholarship in 20 days!! I almost can't believe it's true. No more being restricted. No more feeling physically stuck.

The one where u demonstrated ur vision n also used some cool ass pics of how it looks like.. I couldn't find it lately but it was GOOD ! Oh I like that ! I remember once I heard someone classify values as good/junk values n it didn't really resonate with me.. it was mostly deeming the lower stages' values as juck values.. but I think this is a better suggestion to see it.. anyhow I'm still tryina figure it out N yea I've watched that vid before.. It's one of my favorite ! Thx.. I'll keep that in mind

Super interesting ! I also read some of ur other posts here !! So inspiring !! I even reread a particular one when looking for muse hahaha !! Hats off !! U sound like an expert on yourself (I don't mean existentially , which u might be given that u buy into Leo's explanation of God/reality esp as communicated in his latest vid.. if so I hope it's not just added beliefs for u or even subtle impressions on the subconscious mind.. or confirmation bias.. anyhow , guess ure already aware of that ) So yea I must say it's pretty impressive how well u actually know yourself.. "in terms of self concept " ,seemingly ! I'd love to know what helped u with that.. I'm trying to improve in this area n the lp course is helping so far.. I'm still in the concepts section tho so I dunno if it's gonna be enough as I continue to get to know myself aka my top values / strengths / weaknesses...etc !! So what helped u become an expert on yourself ?! Also another question I've been wondering abt.. we r constantly changing so in say 20 years if u r to look back at this post for instance.. how much of it would u still resonate with n relate to ?! Do our top values change ?! What's the dynamic here ?! One of the stuff blocking the way of getting to know myself more cuz I have that _probably_ belief that we're constantly changing so it's pointless anyways ?! I'd also love to hear ur thoughts on this !

@now is forever @now is forever @Shin yep this I see is the best choice ! I can apply for a scholarship to study abroad so I can get a study visa and in the meantime I can work to pay the pills ! How abt that ? Do u know of other ways to get the visa ? N why would u suggest European countries specifically ?

@Shin I see what u mean ! Yea could be ! But I can't deny that being restricted does drag me dowm I accept them n I don't wanna change them or anything ! It's just too much ! I can't even go for a decent walk if I wanted to !! I don't know if u could imagine how really hard it would be having to live completely controlled ! Esp if ure a person who values freedom and authenticity !

@Shin u r right I'm not gonna rush through anything now ! But hey I don't even want to study medicine ! Let alone it takes at least 7 years to finish studying in here ! Without even having specialized in some field ! I don't want to become a doctor !! Also I don't wanna spend my youth years hating my life ! U see ? U r right.. in no way is arguing my parents abt their ideology gonna make it any better

@Angelite haha don't get me started on Ramadan ! I am exited abt it tho ! Except not in the same way I used to before! How about u ?

@Truth Addict reality checks truth addict !! Reality checks ! I did let them ruin sth so beautiful, sth I didn't necessarily have to lose in my life before ! I'm afraid if I listen to them this time again I will regret that when I end up even more stuck in here ! U see what I mean ?

@Rigel I know ! I think so !

@Shin @bejapuskas thx ! ? Haha okay waitin !

@Maha Nassoum @Shinthx u guys ! ?? I was kinda hoping for advice tho ya know ??

Interesting !! I'd love to ! ?

Hey guys ! sorry if this postis too long , I tried to write this as summarized as I could and I'd love to hear what u guys think I should do !! A lil background abt me : I'm a 17 year old girl , I was born in Syria and as u prolly know there has been a war goin on in here for like 8 years ! Long story short ! I had my enough share of trauma from this war !! Me n my siblings left to a ( relatively ) safe city to get education since it wasn't safe where we used to live.. so we managed to stay alive till now haha I come from an extremely religious family.. very strict parents ! For some reason , ever since I was a child I was determined to find the ( ABSOLUTE TRUTH ) n figure out how the universe works n why we exist ! I spent years researching religions thinking id find answers in there (esp Islam due to my upbringing ) ! Till abt a year ago I got out of the ideology bubble n started to see the bullshit in mainstream religion ! It has been a very long journey Anyhow ! That being said ! I want to get the fuck out of this country ! One of my highest values is freedom n I don't even have the slightest bit of it having to live with my parents and here in this "blue" society ! Idk if any of u can relate but I'm actually restricted in here..being a girl in a patriarchal society..Having to follow all the rigid Islamic teachings that I don't believe in anymore ( wearing the headscarf , traditional prayer..etc ) which makes me feel like a hypocrite.. which is aslo not aligned with another one of my highest values (authenticity ) Being controled to the point where I'm not even allowed to go out unless I have classes or school !! It feels like suffocating !! Also living in an extremely underdeveloped society is no help for growth (which is also one of my highest values ) anyhow I'm trying my best not to let where I currently live put me in a box but at the end of the day all I have is this device I can see the world through from my lil room n I'm tryina make the best use of it ! This virtual world.. it has taken me so far but it's not enough ! So abt my parents I don't wanna make them feel bad but it's really hard cuz we now have TOTALLY different value systems.. they see life in a totally different way than I do !! ( my parents r like the epitome of stage blue "Islamic style haha" ) I either will have to bite the bullet and stay here living my life the way they want me to ( restricted and under control , study medicine and become a doctor like them, get married and have kids and indoctrinate them with the Islamic ideology and keep dressing and acting and living the way they want me to live ) Which will hinder my seeking of TRUTH !! Plus I wouldn't be living true to my highest values which would end up making me miserable ! Or I see another option which is that I'd have to leave without their approval ! ( which I'm afraid I might not be able to do because of financial stuff / and because it'd be so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my parents forever.. I wish they could just understand but I'm afraid that's technically impossible giving how strict and ideological they r.. I can see how hard it would be to "disappoint" them and never be able to have their support ) So if I find a way to leave it would be heartbreaking but at the same time liberating and what I really want ! so Am I overlooking sth in here ?! Are there any other options I could go abt getting my freedom ? Also if they knew I don't believe in Islam anymore they would have to disown me ( according to the religion ! ) and it would make them feel really really terrible.. it would make them hate me ( which I understand ) but the thing that's been eating me up is that it'd cause them pain ! P.s. I'm currently preparing for baccalaureate ( which is the last year high school ) So I don't wanna rush through this ! I can say I still have 1 year and a half to sort this through ! So once I wrap my mind abt what I should do ( prolly apply for a scholarship or ..( I'd like to hear more suggestions ) ) So basically.. the obstacles are : 1_ My parents ( for the mentioned reasons ) 2_Financial stuff I'm still not sure how to handle cuz I also wanna continue my education! ( but guess that's not big cuz I'm willing to work hard to become financially independent ) 3_ not being sure how to do this on my own yet ! ( like where should I travel to ? How am I gonna afford living on my own ? ) 4_ general fears and limiting beliefs about myself.. fears of failure and not being able to make it on my own..and fear of ending up alone in a country where I can barely make a living and have no support P.s. I'm now working on 2/3/4 But what's really eating me up is number 1 Are my freedom and dreams ( and living life the way I want n living to my fullest potential in order to find fulfillment and be able to add value to the world n help others and live with the ppl I want to live with n share our gifts n growth together !...etc ) worth having to say goodbye to my parents for good ?! Or should I give up on all of this n live the way they want me to.. the way they think would make them and esp " Allah " lol, n me happy ( but in fact is not ) ?!! I'd love to hear what u guys think n I'd also love it if u could possibly point out the shit in what I'm thinking or overlooking ! N overall advice on what I should be doin in this regard ! ?

Wow I just watched the vid.. great work !! Thanks for sharing !!