Amer

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Posts posted by Amer

  1. Posted

    13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

    In other words you don't need to come off as not needy to her, but to yourself.

    thank you so much @mandyjw this is really valuable. the thing is, I do want to help because I really empathize. I lived in a different country before and searching for a new place to live and all was an absolute hassle. That's why I'd like to offer help. but because of what happened I'm really confused. Ofc I'd like for things to go back to normal, but I'm feeling at peace even if it doesn't.

  4. Posted

    Hello Everyone.

    I met a girl and we were strongly vibing. mostly over text and a couple of times in person since she lives in a different city than mine. 

    We were progressing, flirting, bantering, looking forward to seeing each other and all (a lot of that was from her side too). But surprisingly, she backed away for some reasons that some of them are legit (recently moving to the country, changing cities and jobs etc.) and some are not. I totally understand when women back away, when things start rushing. but in this case the progression was both sided.

    Now I am conflicted since our last conversation, before the drama happened, I gave a word to help with something. (help her find an apartment et al) but then we had an emotionally rough discussion that the next day I was paralyzed. (Yes I am a highly sensitive person and fully aware of it and trying to deal with it)

    Since I don't wanna come off as needy or too friendly or too feminine or whatever it is called. I decided to reduce contact until further notice (give her space and try to calm myself down). But should I proceed with helping her with what I promised? especially that I already started with gathering info since I'm from the same city she's moving to. It is not in my nature to be an asshole, but I'm just conflicted.

    I know this might sound familiar to many of you all and might seem minimal. But recently I have been facing some things in my life that made this a bit more impactful than it should.

    I truly would appreciate your inputs. many thanks.




     

  7. Posted

    Hello @MiracleMan, I came across this section to start a topic about something similar and I found yours..

    To give you an insight I would like to share with you my story, which is very similar to yours. but now I am in the process in taking action.

    I have been doing a regular full time job since almost 7 years now. by nature, I am a dancer. (reason why I say by nature is because I have been doing it long before I entered the typical work/career life and even before I entered college) and I have been always serious about perfecting my craft (never thought of it as a career as I always thought I'll be able to combine a regular full time job and my art)

    Yet and after 7 years,, I have been struggling, it's by force that I make time for my dance practice (which also includes other athletic activities and workouts, even meditation and mindfulness are also of vital importance) my case is very similar to yours when it comes to job "satisfaction" i have been doing it for the money only.. I never found anything fulfilling in it.

    I turned 29 a couple of months ago and my only "resolution" for this year (before turning 30) was take an action towards this.

    Around a month ago, I traveled MILES to do truffles/ mushrooms. Maybe I'll get an insight. (i would prefer to do a retreat like @Nahm has mentioned, but there was no retreats around me at that time, so I ended up travelling on my own)

    Long story short, I have decided to really break out from the career life. I figured out that there's no solid plan to form until it's solid. If I don't break out as soon as possible I'll keep wandering until it's too late. So i really made the decision (also to add to that its not a huge income that i'm giving up, and like you mentioned, my skill set in that field will always be there).

    Soon as I returned to the city where I work, I had immediately put my resignation. It's not as easy as it sounds. sometimes it feels crazy but at the same time I feel like there's a calling that I have to fulfill. I am trying to focus on that. I don't have a solid plan of what I am going to do but I do have a broad idea and i'll start from there.

    So to start, yes I highly recommend what @Nahm has mentioned. I mean being on my own in the trip that I made made me realize a lot of my personal issues and insecurities and most importantly who I truly am and what I want to do in life and what I want to do to make it fulfilling.

    and even more importantly, you gotta determine what exactly you want to do, what kind of art.

    Hope this has given an insight! wishing you the best.

     

     

     

  9. Posted

    I do the Islamic fast (Ramadan) and I am a professional dancer. And believe me when I tell you it's the best time of the year to practice for me.

    As a dancer most of the movement is body weight + cardio. Practicing while fasting puts me in the best shape ever. It's only the first two days that are extremely challenging though. sometimes I cannot continue for more than 30 minutes. But it's after those two days that your body adapts. For the rest of the month I continue practicing the same way I do when I am not fasting (two hours approximately) all done on empty stomach.

    I feel that not just I lost some weight (in a healthy way) + I gained endurance and strength, but also I do feel that my body got cleansed. Especially If make sure I eat clean when the sun sets (when you break your fast) I always recommend it to everyone because it works perfectly for me. Hope this helped. 

  14. Posted

    @Slade @Barbarian Number 8 thank you so much guys for the insight, I think I can relate to both.

    I tried to reconnect of what it means to me and why I do it in the first place. It kind of gave me that motivation again to practice it more. at the same time, I feel like it is not the same as before. its NOT the same motives that I used to have. 

    I am a dancer and have been doing it since 14+ years. I feel it doesn't mean the same to me anymore, yet, its becoming more personal, I don't need to be out there to win competitions or battle others (which I did... had so much hunger) now it's slightly less. I am still passionate about the music and the movement though.. I think I will be doing it for as long as I'm gonna live, but in a more mature way. more personal way.

    Will see how it goes. thank you guys again.

    More insight is definitely welcomed!

  15. Posted

    Hello Actualizers..

    Did you ever encounter losing the spark towards your passion? towards what you love doing, towards what makes you feel alive, due to life circumstances/ responsibilities, and maybe maturing up?

    Is it just a phase? it happened to me before, and the passion came back stronger, but this time it's different.

    What would you do about it? surround yourself with passionate people who would inspire you? look deep inside? Meditate? I am asking myself these questions while asking you guys too..

    I hope to get an answer... . would really appreciate it.

  17. Posted

    Hello @Shin, it all depends on your preference. If it is for self defense/ strength and all, boxing is a good sport.

    Capoeira is an amazing art form, its more of a dance and partner work (synchronicity of movement) and using different levels of body and space.

    If you want something more meditative and spiritual, Kung Fu is the answer. 

  19. Posted

    So what is happening right now is I feel my mind is beginning to trick me... I am thinking maybe i'm over thinking or having wrong assumptions, I am thinking to call the person normally say hi as if there's nothing but I was just busy... I know I shouldn't, its veryyy challenging, then i am thinking to end it peacefully.. ok the latter might be a legitimate thing but for now I think just shouldn't do anything,, and continue focusing on myself, allow that negative emotion to go through me and not oppose it.. if there are any tips please post them here, would really appreciate it.

  20. Posted

    12 hours ago, Michael569 said:

     

    the silent treatment is a way of "feeling sorry" for oneself and playing the "ill person's game"

    As children we learned that the times received full attention of everyone were times we got ill. We would receive our parent's 100% treatment, love and it was very comfortable. 

    As grownups many continue this habit by playing victim, crying for completely useless things, pouting and giving people silent treatments. This gives us a certain power over the other person and lets us manipulate them emotionally to do our bidding whenever a disagreement appears by making them feel that they hurt our feelings or made us very sad and dissapointed. 

    This is a tool of the devil and you must absolutely not allow its tentacles to grasp you. Do not play the "mr nice guy" or "sorry baby it is my fault". I am not exactly sure what is the best way to tackle this but I'd say act normally. Playign this game requires a lot of emotional feedback to continue, if you don't provide it, it will stop "being fun." 

    As others already said above, if this is a common thing, consider terminating this relationship. 

     

    @Michael569 thanks for the insight.... to be honest I should have terminated this relationship long time ago... 

  23. Posted

    46 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

    Your welcome brother. You'll never ever be able to change a person's behaviour (not saying your trying to just pointing something out) so I wouldn't even waste my time exploring why she's doing it in certain situations. Up to her to point the finger back at herself and explore why she's doing it (if she wants the relationship to work). All you have to do is protect yourself from any psychological harm. 

    Approaching her is EXACTLY what she wants. Don't do it (I think your realising this). 

    Google 'stonewalling' should give you some insights to the behaviour. 

    Yes carry on keeping yourself busy, take the attention away from her, also look up emotional attachment/detachment, I feel this could help. If it continues, I know it isn't easy but to protect yourself, consider leaving. This is emotional abuse and I'm sure there will be other areas in your relationship where this behaviour will appear. 

    Fyi, it will be super super challenging to ever self actualise being with a person who portrays the behaviours you've mentioned.

    Maybe do some research on emotional abusive relationships, this could bring awareness to you. 

    Let me know how you get on ^_^.

    @Charlotte Yes indeed, keeping myself real busy with important stuff and just focusing on myself. Yes the wave comes sometimes (wave of sadness or doubting myself that maybe I did something wrong) but no, really keeping myself together and believing that I did nothing wrong, cause I really didn't. hmm maybe this is an area in my personality that is improving in the journey of self actualization? I hope.. 

    I was reading about types of relationships and attachment types. I am really learning a lot and able to spot in which area I am and how I could be better to have better and happier relationships in the future.

    will def let you know how I get on :)

  25. Posted

    @Charlotte I completely agree, and this is not the first time it happens. when it happened in the past I was trying to bring the person back to discuss.. but then I learned that there's something hugely disrespectful about it, and approaching them is like I am chasing after them or the side that is trying to fix an error in the relationship which i did not commit.

    what is strange is it happened for no reason at all... the last discussion was all beautiful and affectionate, then all of a sudden I am getting a silent treatment. especially I am through some challenging phase in life, which I never made her feel any burden about.

    thank you for your response. Now just keeping myself busy with other things, it is not easy but the best solutions aren't always easy ones.